Soldier lifted his head with a groan and noticed his helmet was missing, and it was getting dusky outside. After a few seconds of searching Soldier found his beloved headwear among the crushed boxes and proceeded to pick the splinters out of his unprotected arms.
Now clean from his landing Soldier searched his spytech bag for another weapon, He was out of stock shotgun ammo, he felt explosives and flamethrowers were out in such a small wooden house, he kept digging until he found a weapon to suit his tastes. Soldier pulled out heavy's "family business" it was a bit big and heavy but giving the situation Soldier couldn't be picky.
Soldier then went down the slanted stairs to the second floor of the house, Soldier kicked open the door and checked his flanks with the large shotgun in his hands. Soldier didn't see and hostiles and walked down the hallway towards a second flight of stairs. Soldier descended the stairs and noticed a noise of heavy panting, it got louder and louder as Soldier found a large living room, in the center of the living room was a very large couch overlooking an enormous window to the outside.
Soldier entered the room from behind the couch very silently. He then noticed another Hippie inhabited the couch, Soldier couldn't see a face but he noticed long blonde locks coming from the top of the couch and a stetson cowboy hat hanging over them. "So thats how they plan to do it!" Soldier thought silently "Steal all the cowboy hats to weaken the social integrity of the country". Soldier snuck up behind the couch raising the butt of his gun waiting for the perfect time for a quick stealthy kill and to perform a great patriotic feat. Soldier had finished planning the awesome guitar solo be was going to bust out when suddenly a pair of wrinkly (but strong) hands wrapped around his gun and throat.
"I got im I got Im"!! an Elderly female voice shouted. Alerted, the hippie looked back to revile her orange face, The orange hippie fiddled with her jeans shorts, buttoned her flannel shirt and jumped up from the couch. "What in sam hill? the orange hippie said with confusion "I never heard of a stallion sneaking in a mare's house during heat" Her face turned from confusion to lust.
"you'll never hear me complain."
"Back off young missy! i git im first!" Soldier elderly captor yelled.
"For celestias sake! Granny you should've stopped going through heat decades ago! the orange Hippie yelled.
"We Apple wear always spry! even in our old age! Now finish your business on the couch young one while me and my stallion friend go upstairs and, OOF!" By that time Soldier got tired of the plot going nowhere and buried the stock of his shotgun into the elderly hippie causing her to double over lose her grip.
Now free Soldier aimed his shotgun at the orange hippie in front of him, She only had time to give a look of utter shock until 12 gauge shot impacted her face causing her to fly backwards over the couch in the living room.
Soldier the jumped and turned around to finish off his captor. the elderly Hippie was surprisingly quick as she slapped the barrel of the gun away causing Soldier to shoot a lamp on a shelf behind her, then she landed two forceful hits into Soldier"s stomach causing him to drop his weapon, she kicked the weapon, causing it to skitter under the couch and out of sight.
Soldier faced his opponent in hand to hand combat mode. the elderly woman also adopted a combat stance with her fists ready. Soldier chucked, "Listen lady you're obviously you're off your meds, so you should go back to, ACK!! Soldier yelled as the elderly hippie landed a sharp right hook on his jaw.
Soldier then abandoned all chivalry (he had no mercy for the enemies of America) and landed an uppercut to the old ladies jaw. the Hippie staggered back and held her jaw, then she looked apon soldier with unrelenting fury, then she spat, a pair of dentures clacked onto the floor, "Is that all ya got?" she said and immediately went for a low left gut shot.
Soldier bent over and groaned with pain and "Granny" brought up her foot and kicked Soldier over the the couch where he landed next to the hippie he shot about two seconds ago. Soldier lied their defeated and made gurgling noises in his throat (as an expression of pain) as the elderly Hippie walked around the couch and grabbed Soldiers ankles.
"Woo-wee don't think you're the only one who's put up a fight with me during heat, but you were so far the most challenging, now just lie there like you're doing and this will be over real soon. Granny Said with a chuckle and she started to drag Soldier along the couch.
Soldier got control over himself and came up with a plan, "Miss, theres one thing you've forgotten" Soldier said through his swelling lip.
"WAS That? I CAN'T HEAR YA!" Granny yelled, she stopped dragging soldier and cupped her hand to her ear.
"I SAID THERES ONE THING YOU FORGOTTEN!" Soldier yelled.
"EEEHH!!???" Granny yelled.
"I SAID,...oh forget it." Soldier grumbled as he removed his hand from under the couch bringing up the family business and pointing it at the elderly Hippie. "I'm the one with the gun"
“Oh,.........Fiddlesticks”The Elderly Hippie Grumbled.
Soldier fired causing the Granny to fly backwards through the enormous window in behind her. She Shattered the glass and fell unconscious on the ground outside.
Soldier got up and immediately went to the kitchen, he found the pantry and robbed the hippies of all their good soup leaving the shotgun in order to maximize his soup carrying capacity.
Soldier walked out of the front door with his hands full of cans, Soldier stopped dead in his tracks when he saw that pretty much every Hippie that was searching the forest had come to house to investigate the shots. Soldier froze with surprise as the group of brightly colored females did much of the same, after about two seconds of awkward silence Soldier made the first move, he threw all the cans of soup down at once and ran for the woods.
"GET HIM" Several members of the mob shouted as large group of women ran into the forest in pursuit.
Soldier beat through the bushes and low limbs with the mob chasing him for what seemed like hours until he came to his salvation.
A abandon cabin in the woods
(critfacepalm, why writer why?).
Soldier ran through the front door and slammed the door shut, he dragged a nearby cabinet over barricading the door. "Whew i’m safe" Soldier though.
"Hey! I think he went into the old cabin!" a female yelled outside.
“Nuts!” Soldier yelled looking for a place to hide in the small cabin.
Arms and legs bursted through the windows, front door,and some sections of the walls. Soldier screamed, he abandoned the search for a hiding place and desperately searched his spy-tech bag for something useful, the cabinet fell over and the door caved in, the females rushed Soldier and started ripping his clothes apart "This is it" Soldier though as his vision blurred, "There going to get all my gum" Soldier thought softly as he fainted and the mass of pony hippies consumed him.
(About 20 mins later written from the ponies point of view)
"We killed him" a mint green pony said with tears forming in her eyes.
The Purple Pony Soldier met earlier named “Twilight Sparkle” Dropped severed hand and wrist she found in the mass of carnage "Yes it appears so, there absolutely no sign of a pulse"
All the ponies involved surrounded the corpse, all felt remorse and regret, heat was never deadly! shure unwanted foals and the rare case of STDs in Equestria but death! how?
In the end they buried him, an alien from a different world and this is how we treated them, his grave was to be in town square, so nopony would ever make the same mistake again.
Here lies a different kind, visited our world only To be killed by it.
let this mistake never repeat itself, lesson learned, lesson never forgotten.
the END