An unnatural glow washed over Twilight Sparkle's face as she squinted at its source. She mumbled to herself and frowned, before turning around to face a certain human male who'd been causing her a lot of trouble. He'd hoped for her approval, but his hope faded as he read Twilight's face. She didn't like it. He'd tried so hard, but she clearly didn't like it.
"What's wrong with it," he meekly inquired.
Twilight gave a frustrated grunt. "The chapter title is 'Nightfall'. Can't you go more than a page without making another Halo reference?"
Derpy Mooves looked at his shoes. A single tear fell to the floor, landing between his feet.
***
"You didn't need to burn the sofa, Tia," complained the princess of the night as she mourned the loss of her favorite piece of furniture, currently covered in a gasoline-fueled blaze.
Princess Celestia ignored the comment and screwed the cap back onto the red container. She used her magic to float it towards a nearby guard, who then trotted out of the room to return the gas can to its proper place in the royal garage. Celestia smiled at her handiwork, happy to know that the fire would sanitize that thing's saliva and grease.
The "thing" in question, meanwhile, crawled around the perimeter of the room, stopping occasionally to stick his tongue out and ingest a speck of dust or a bit of dirt. Both Celestia and Luna stared at the Weavil, the former wearing a visage of disgust, and the latter smiling with maternal pride.
"He'll probably eat anything!" Luna proudly told her sister.
Celestia idly wondered if the Weavil liked bananas...
***
Twilight blinked at Pinkie Pie. "A what? What was the first step?"
"A cliffhanger, Twilight. You read so many books; haven't you ever seen a cliffhanger? Like that one in Sherlock Holmes. Actually, that was the first cliffhanger, and it got its name because-"
Twilight cut off Pinkie's Sherlock Holmes story with an expertly-executed, but temporary, STFU* spell. Pinkie's mouth closed against her own will, and the party pony decided that might be a sign to listen.
"Whatever. How do we 'do a cliffhanger'?" Twilight then ended the spell, allowing Pinkie to speak.
"We already did it. Next step: gather the gang," Pinkie said.
"The gang? Pinkie, you're not suggesting violence, are you?" Twilight was appalled.
"No! Of course **not! We just have to get our friends."
Twilight let out a relieved sigh; the thought of Pinkie breaking anything else was a bit too much for her at the moment. She sat down and rubbed her head with her hooves as she thought about Pinkie's suggestion. It made sense, she supposed, but it came from Pinkie Pie of all ponies. She sighed again.
"What do we do after that?"
Pinkie rubbed her chin with her hoof. "We need to-"
A crash interrupted Pinkie's rare moment of sense and forethought, as Rainbow Dash re-shattered Twilight's window. She zipped down the stairs and shoved herself into the conversation.
"What'd I miss?" Rainbow expertly avoided any mention of her smashing Twilight's window (which was also technically public property). Twilight glared, but decided to leave the issue for later; concentrating on Blockhead was the most important task at hoof.
"Pinkie is explaining why we need to 'round up the gang' to find Blockhead."
Rainbow Dash nodded. "Well we can't do anything without the gang at full capacity," she said. "We all have roles to play." Pinkie nodded in agreement, but Twilight simply cocked an eyebrow.
"Roles?" she asked.
"Of course! Let me explain. You," she gestured to Twilight, "are the brains. AJ and I are the muscle, and Pinkie Pie is the wild card." Pinkie Pie frowned.
"Hold up," she said. "I'm the wildcard? That. Is. Awesome!" She smiled and bounced around the room with delight.
"Hold up," Twilight responded. "What about Fluttershy and Rarity?"
"They're the useless chicks!"
***
An acre of apple trees dripped with saliva. Splintered carriages littered the dusty roads. The saloon's windows read "ghostmas cheer for all" in sloppy red paint. All was not well in the settler town of Appleoosa, and a certain human was to blame. Currently, this particular human stood atop an unhappy stallion, his two feet caked with dry glue.
"Why did you need to glue yourself to this poor pony," asked Blockhead's grumpy watcher.
"Safety! These cars don't have seat belts," Blockhead exclaimed while precariously balancing atop his "car".
"Where did you even get all this glue?" The bodiless man realized he'd never seen this much adhesive in his life.
Blockhead frowned. "It's easy to get glue with all these horses around." He waved his arm to indicate the deserted frontier town as a lone tumbleweed rolled down an adjacent street.
Before the only two sane minds in the area could respond to the answer's morbid implications, Blockhead leaned over, his spine and legs making an acute angle, and pushed his face against the horse's face. It was at this moment that the horse, Braeburn, mentally kicked himself for having ventured out of his home so late at night. Strongheart will be so happy to see you, he thought. It'll be romantic. What could go wrong? He took a moment to glance at what remained of the box of chocolates he had purchased for his secret lover. The red box, wrinkled and coated in drool, was nailed to the side of a building a few feet in front of him.
Blockhead derailed the sad pony's train of thought. "Quickly, take me to your nearest Canterlot! The Weavil awaits!"
With no apparent alternative, Braeburn complied and trotted to the train station. Hopefully the midnight express had already left by now, he thought, only to have his hopes obliterated by the unmistakable chugga-chugga of the train. As he hung his head, the disembodied voice addressed him.
"I know it sounds extreme, but if you jump in front of the train right now, you'll save countless lives; you'd be a national hero."
***
*Twilight note:It stands for Silencing Trivial and Frivolous Utterances.
**Pinkie Pie note:West side is best side.