Chapter Ten: Separate Ways
When I awoke, I was met immediately by a strange sight indeed: A young woman with flowing auburn hair, standing atop a large stone wall, looking off into the horizon. It was a beautiful sight, her just standing there watching the sunset, her silky white dress flowing in the winds. As I took a moment to examine my surroundings, I soon realized we were both standing atop the outer wall of a large stone castle, one that appeared to be surrounded by a bustling town, with a large forest surrounding the town itself on almost every side, barring the paved stone path I could faintly see snaking through the woods, and off into the distance.
During my observations, I began to feel strange… As if something was horribly amiss. Looking down at myself, I realized that I had taken on a strange new form…Not only was I standing on two legs, but my forehooves appeared to have been replaced with strange, five-fingered paws. The strangest part of it all…Was how natural it felt to be wearing this form. At first I was confused, but as I began to search my memories… It all made sense. No longer were my thoughts clouded by the hazy fog that had obscured my memories of the past.
Upon reaching my memories of the past I began to wish the fog was still there.My heart was suddenly flooded with all my memories of the past; all the sorrow, frustration, and overwhelming feelings of helplessness washed over me all at once. It took every ounce of my willpower just to sink to my knees, instead of merely collapsing from the concentrated wave of overwhelming sorrow that assaulted my heart…But try as I might, there was nothing I could do to stop my tears from flowing.
“Now you understand why you had to forget.” The young woman said. When she turned to face me, I saw a familiar face awaiting me. “You suffered years of overwhelming sorrow and pain. You found yourself lost and alone, unable to trust anyone, unable to find any measure of neither peace nor happiness. But search your memories… Despite all that, did you not eventually find the answers you sought? Did you not find some measure of peace and happiness within that pain? You yourself admitted it was a miracle…That without the Father’s guidance, you would have tumbled into the abyss. And yet, you managed to find your way through the pain.”
“Faust…” I said almost too quiet to hear, finally managing to choke back the tears. “Why did you do this? Why did you give me a second chance…? I failed. I couldn’t protect either one of them. Why…Why didn’t you just let me die?”
“Why indeed? Because I thought you deserved happiness? Because I believe everyone deserves a second chance? No…It was much simpler than that. In your fight for survival, you lost sight of yourself. In your final moments, you held no regrets that you yourself faced death; instead, your only concern was for your two friends. You had come to accept your own death; even welcomed it…
But even as you faced the gates of death, your concern lay only in the fates of your two friends. In finding the path through your pain, you lost sight of your own humanity. You forgot how to feel happy, or sad, or angry; instead, you began to live through the lives of others, a ghost given physical form. The reason I brought you here…Is because you never had a chance to truly live. You never had a chance to experience the good things that life has to offer; only the bad.”
Standing up once more, I asked a question that had been on my mind for too long. “Why did you erase our memories? Wouldn’t it be easier if we could remember who we were?” I knew my thinking was flawed when she began to slowly shake her head in disagreement.
“Who you were no longer matters. Search your heart deeper, search what you know to be true about yourself. You knew exactly what you had become in your past life: a young man with a shattered heart, and little desire to do anything more than simply fade away. Your final act was an opportunity for true healing; you sought out the young woman who broke your heart, in the hopes that if you could just talk to her once more, if you could finally apologize for the mistakes you had made, that she might finally offer you the forgiveness you so desperately craved. It could be considered mere coincidence that your best friend, a young man who had endured circumstances all too similar, had accompanied you; however, you and I both know that true coincidences are much rarer than one might think.
In the end, it was your own wretched past, your own monstrous human father, who proved to be your undoing. You sought to break the familial chain of fathers inflicting pain upon their own sons; in a way, you succeeded in that goal through your own death. But that macabre victory was marred by the death of the two innocents who had been alongside you: Your faithful best friend, and the love that never was. Now tell me Silver… If you held these memories within your mind when you first arrived in Equestria, would you ever be truly able to overcome them? Or would you be too consumed by the past to embrace the future, exactly as you had been in your past life?”
Reflecting upon her words and knowing that they perfectly matched the memories held within my mind, I had no choice but to agree with her. But every answer only brought new questions, and I could already tell that my time with Faust would soon draw to a close. “If you wiped our memories, then why do I keep feeling fragments of them from time to time? And that song…”
“To be honest Silver, that was your decision.” She said with a shrug. This caught my attention.
“My decision?” I asked, my voice filled with incredulity “What do you mean my decision?”
“You found the answers to many important questions during your past life Silver. The true nature of humanity was one of them. You recognized that a person is made up of four fundamental components: The body, the mind, the spirit, and the heart. Every part holds its own separate set of memories; for example, although the mind will remember almost everything, its memory is often cramped and overstuffed, making it sluggish and slow to remember. The heart remembers powerful emotions; the calming warmth of love, or the keen sting of sorrow. The spirit remembers events that happen outside the realm of physicality, events that could best be described as supernatural or otherworldly. You realized that the spirit was typically associated with the various religions of your world, as some of the experiences that they brought could only be described as otherworldly in nature. As for the body, it remembers physical events and memories, such as a particularly pleasant or unpleasant bodily sensation.
When you still lived your first life, you knew that the memories of both your mind and your heart held much pain… But you also knew that the memories of your heart were what made you who you were at your core. Your idea of ‘Heaven’ was simple… A total rebirth, a complete wipe of the memories of your mind… But you wished to retain the memories of your heart, despite the pain they brought you, in the hopes that you could avoid repeating past mistakes in your ‘new life’. That is exactly what I did to both you and your friends… I gave you all a second chance, because of how tragically your lives had been cut short, just as you drew close to reconciliation. As for the song…
You yourself said that ‘A song is worth a thousand words’. That song was an emotional link; all three of you knew it, and the message it carried evoked powerful memories in all three of you. For you and Melody, the song forever reminded the two of you of what could have been… And for you, it also symbolized your vow to wait however long it may take for the two of you to be together. For Tartanis, it reminded him that there will always be an opportunity for a second chance, that no matter how dark the night may seem, that the sun will always rise. It was only a matter of time before the three of you realized the truth of the link, and the memories of your minds returned.”
“The song…‘If You Still Believe’. It was what brought us back together, and now it may be what tears us apart.” This simple statement seemed to greatly pique Faust’s interest.
“Oh? And how might it do that?” She answered, genuinely curious to see how I would respond.
“Once we wake up, we’ll have all our memories back… Melody and Tartanis will remember how I was the one who dragged them into this whole thing… How I was the one that got them killed.” I began to ponder my predicament, when Faust cut in with an unexpected ultimatum.
“Silver, I understand your concern regarding your friends.” She said “But there is much at stake here. I offer you a choice: You can wake up alongside your friends, and all of you will have regained the memories of your past life. As for where events will proceed from there…There are no guarantees. Or, I can wipe the memories of your mind clean once more. You will all remember the events that have taken place since you arrived in Equestria, but once you reach the moment you began to sing the song, you will find nothing but a blank hole in your memories. Your memories of the past will once again be locked inside your hearts. And then… You will all get your second chance. That I promise.”
I sat down on the castle battlements, mulling over the option with which I was presented. “…Faust…?” I asked quietly, my voice filled with thinly veiled worry at the decision I was about to make.
“Yes Silver?”
“…If I choose for us to lose our memories… Can you promise me that Melody will find happiness when this is all over?” Faust looked disconcerted at this. I was mildly surprised when I felt her arm come to rest upon one of my shoulders. Looking over, I saw her wearing a comforting, understanding smile.
“Silver… I understand that this is not an easy decision. But no matter what you choose, I will do everything in my power to help you and your friends. Your journey will be a difficult one no matter what you choose, but I will always walk alongside you, to try and help you find the path that will lead you to salvation. This I promise.”
Inhaling deeply, I stood up once more, and looked off into the horizon, noticing for the first time that the sun had already set, and that the moon had already taken its place in the skies above. I knew that my decision was the right one… That in the end, everything would turn out for the best. Looking back over my shoulder at Faust, I could faintly see the ghostly outline of six feathery wings sprouting from my back, their translucent plumage illuminated by the moonlight falling down from the heavens above.
“I choose…”
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From the moment Luna heard Melody begin her song, she knew that something was going horribly wrong. She immediately recognized the song as the same one that Seraph had sung in the castle gardens all those centuries ago…The same song that Silver had been singing in the field only the night before. At first, she was simply confused. After all, how could they all know that same song so well? What was it about that song that linked them all together?
When Tartanis and Silver rose and began to join in the song however, Luna was, quite simply, flabbergasted. She could only sit there, jaw agape, as they sang the song to its conclusion, then fell to the ground in an unconscious stupor. Twilight was the first to react. She quickly got up and rushed over to the three fallen ponies, before looking back to Luna for guidance.
“Princess, what’s going on?!?” She cried, obviously filled with concern for the three fallen ponies. But despite her pleas, Luna could only stand and watch in horror. The first tangible thought that entered her mind brought with it a poignant and chilling mental image: Her beloved Seraph fading away before her very eyes, the night she had killed him. It had seemed so long ago, but now…History seemed as though it might repeat itself.
“I can’t let him die… Not like this.” With that thought, Luna finally regained her wits, and quickly ran over beside her fellow Princess. “They’re still breathing…” Twilight said, having already taken a quick assessment of the situation. “They must have lost consciousness…But why? What happened to them? Maybe they remembered something…?”
Twilight’s diagnosis brought an immediate sense of relief to the Princess of the Night. “Thank goodness…” she thought, looking worriedly over the three young ponies. But her sense of relief was quickly wiped away by a pervasive sense of unease, followed swiftly by a single question, a question echoed in the words of Princess Twilight: “Maybe they remembered something?”
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When Tartanis finally opened his eyes once more, his mind was swiftly assaulted by a mighty, unstoppable foe: A splitting headache. “Ugh…What happened?” He said aloud as he sat upright. Looking around, he saw ten very worried faces surrounding him. Even as he began to gather his thoughts, he felt himself wrapped tight in the embrace of another pony.
“Thank goodness you’re awake!” Rarity cried out in joy, before taking heed of some the looks she was receiving from the ponies surrounding them, including one in particular that originated from a certain young, purple dragon. She quickly released her hold on Tartanis, before clearing her throat and attempting to justify her reaction. “Er… After all, if you hadn’t woken up, what would I have told Princess Celestia? She entrusted you to my care, and I refuse to let the Princess down!”
Only a few feet away, Tartanis saw another pony begin to stir. “Melody’s waking up.” he thought absentmindedly as the other ponies shifted their attention over to her. Yet despite this, he couldn’t help but notice the young dragon, Spike, as he continued to look at Rarity, a look of sadness upon his face. Seeing that look on his face, Tartanis couldn’t help but feel a sense of sympathy for the small reptile; almost as if he himself had worn a similar look in the past.
Standing upright once more, Tartanis noticed that something was amiss: Despite both his and Melody’s awakening, Silver was still lying on his side, eyes shut in an unconscious slumber. Looking up, he realized that he wasn’t the only pony who had noticed; both Princesses had turned their attention towards the still-slumbering young stallion. Listening carefully, he heard the tail end of a briefly whispered conversation: “Maybe he’s dreaming…?” Princess Twilight said.
“If he is, then we will soon find out.” Princess Luna said, a grim look upon her face. “I apologize in advance for what I may see, Silver”. The Princess then closed her eyes as if concentrating, and seemed to enter a strange, trance-like state.
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As Luna entered Silver’s dreams, she couldn’t help but feel as though she were invading his privacy. Even though it was her duty as Princess of the Night to watch over any troubled dreams her subjects may have, she felt as though she prying too much into their personal lives when she did so. And as for some of the things she saw when she did so… It was always important to bear in mind in dreams that the occupant rarely ever has control over them.
But when she entered Silver’s dream, a strange yet familiar sight awaited her: The young stallion sat atop the long-since obliterated battlements of Everfree Castle… And he wasn’t alone. Standing behind him was an all-too familiar white Alicorn, one who sported a flowing auburn mane. “Mother?” Luna silently mouthed to herself, stunned at her mother’s appearance. “I choose…I choose to forget.” Silver said, looking back over his shoulder at the two of them. If it weren’t for the fact that she chose to remain invisible in this particular dream, Luna was certain he would have seen her. With those simple words, he turned back towards the moonlit horizon…And slid off his perch, falling to the ground below.
“No!” Luna shouted in surprise, rushing forward to try and halt his descent. By the time she reached the ledge, however, it was too late; looking over the battlements, she realized that he was gone.
“Don’t worry, Luna. He simply woke up from his dream.” Turning around, Luna found it hard to look her mother in the eyes. “Mother… It’s been a long time.” She said, a note of sadness in her voice. “Tell me…After my fall from grace… Why did you abandon us? Why did you forsake me and Tia?”
“I’m so sorry, Luna…” Faust said “I wish it had never come to such atrocities…”
“Then why did you let it happen?!?” Luna cried out in anger, tears beginning to stream down her face “Why didn’t you help us…?”
“I’m sorry, Luna… Your punishment is something you brought upon yourself…” It hurt it to tell such a lie to the closest pony she had to a daughter, but at the same time… Faust knew that this particular lie was necessary. “I truly wish that Tia had found a better solution… Or that you hadn’t given into your anger. But I can’t change the past.”
“…You abandoned us. You abandoned me. All those hundreds of years, and you never once showed you face… You never once tried to help me, to comfort me… You left me up there, alone for a thousand years…” Luna’s voice was laced with thorns of malice, of a grudge that had taken a millennium of solitude to take root.
“Luna…” Faust said quietly, pained by her daughter’s damning words.
“NO!” Luna shouted, putting a millennium of sadness, hatred, and loneliness into that one, powerful shout. In the back of her mind, she felt a strange sense of satisfaction as she saw her “mother” cringe. “I hate you! I never want to see you ever again!” With that, Luna turned and walked away along the battlements, leaving her mother standing alone, tears beginning to fall from her cheeks.
“I’m so sorry, Luna” she said sadly, to no one in particular “I just… I’m doing this for your own good…For the good of others.” She sat there for many hours, watching the moon travel across the sky, just as she had every night of her daughter’s exile.
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As my eyes fluttered open, I felt myself wrapped in a familiar embrace. At first, I expected it to be Luna who was hugging me, but it appeared that this day had not yet run out of surprises.
“I’m so happy you’re awake!” Melody said, her forelegs wrapping me in a tight embrace. “We were so worried…It’s been almost half an hour since me and Tartanis woke up…”
Looking back over her shoulder, I felt my heart drop as Luna seemingly awaken from some sort of daze. As her eyes focused on me and Melody, I felt something…Snap. I could just barely see tears beginning to faintly form in her eyes, as her mouth began to form a frown of sorrowful acceptance. As Twilight and her two escorts, Alexander and Colgate, approached, she seemed forlorn and dejected.
“I’m sorry, Twilight…I believe there is much I must report to my sister. Alexander, Colgate…It’s time to go home.” Her two companions seemed confused, Colgate in particular, but neither one raised any objections aloud.
It was the longest few seconds in my life. I could only sit and watch in horror as the Princess and her companions began their walk back to Ponyville. I knew I needed to go to her, to explain the situation…But I couldn’t. I noticed too late that my own forelegs had wrapped around Melody, almost subconsciously. Sitting there, holding her tight…I couldn’t bring myself to break away from her embrace. I couldn’t bring myself to leave her. It was bittersweet; I felt all too keenly the sadness that Luna tried so hard to conceal, but at the same time, I found it hard to think straight in Melody’s warm, soothing embrace.
As Luna crested the hill over which she had arrived, I felt a single, lonely tear roll down my cheek.
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Tartanis watched as their embrace lasted for several more moments, before Melody finally released her hold, and then helped Silver to his feet. Looking over to Twilight and her friends, he noticed they all seemed to be blushing, with one exception. Unlike his female companions, Spike was not blushing at the scene unfolding before him; instead, he seemed…Jealous? Sad? It was difficult to know for certain. But looking at the seven of them, Tartanis felt a twinge in his flank.
“It’s my duty to protect them. That much is apparent. But from what? And how? I don’t have any combat experience, I don’t even know who might wish them harm…” His thoughts trailed off as a thought occurred to the young stallion. He remembered the tall, muscular Unicorn knight who had accompanied Princess Luna to the picnic. More specifically, he remembered how the stallion had introduced himself to the group.
“Sol Alexander, Captain of the Canterlot Royal Guard, at your service.” He had said.
“The Royal Guard…” Tartanis said to himself quietly, before a thought struck him. “If he’s the Captain, then I could speak to him about enlisting. All of the Princesses have personal guards except Princess Twilight. If I spoke to him directly…”
Even as the thought came to him however, he remembered a very important detail: The fact that Alexander had just departed along with Princess Luna… And that they would very likely be returning to Canterlot very soon. Taking advantage of his companions’ temporary distraction, he quickly and quietly left the area, in swift pursuit of his quarry.
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As the picnic came to a close, Rarity was the first to notice Tartanis’s absence. Before anypony panicked, I suggested that perhaps he had merely decided to return to the Boutique early. After all, we had all been through quite the ordeal. I told them that perhaps some rest would do us all some good, and that he was probably already back at the Boutique, snoring up a storm. Spike offered to accompany Rarity back to the Boutique, to which she graciously accepted.
In truth, I wasn’t tired at all. Quite the opposite, in fact. When Twilight and I returned to the Treebrary, she informed me that she needed to write a letter to Princess Celestia, and that I should probably get some rest. Unbeknownst to her, I began to write a letter of my own. My heart felt strangely empty as I wrote; perhaps it was because I knew the significance of what I was about to do. That night, under the cover of darkness, I snuck out of the Treebrary, before taking to the skies and flying into the night. I briefly stopped at a nearby apple orchard to gather supplies for my journey. It wounded me to steal in such a way, but it was a necessary evil. After the events of the picnic, I had much I needed to think about. And I knew that as long as I was near Melody, I would never be able to find the answers I truly needed.
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As Twilight awoke the following morning, she was shocked to find the guest bedroom empty. Silver was gone. She searched the entire Treebrary before she found it: A letter, left behind by the wayward Pegasus.
Dear Princess Twilight,
I apologize for leaving without informing you, but… This is something I must do. Through my inaction, I have done something horrible. I see a forked path before me, and I don’t know which route to take. As much as I hate to admit it, I won’t be able to find the answers I seek in Ponyville. I don’t know where I’ll be able to find them. Don’t mistake this as an act of ungraciousness; I owe you much for providing me with food and shelter after my arrival in Ponyville.
I only wish to ask two things of you. First, please don’t follow me. I will return to face the consequences of my actions, or lack thereof, but not until I have a chance to clear my head; to decide where I need to go from here. Second… Tell Melody I’m sorry. For everything. I can only hope that once I return, she can find it in her heart to forgive me. Until then…Farewell. Your Faithful Friend,
Silver Dawn