Blueblood and Dusty were in the study, nuzzling.
"Ah, this is nice." Blueblood sighed. "Now I get why Shine and Celestia enjoy this. It is peaceful."
"I agree." Dusty murmured. "Just us: Me and my handsome stallion."
"Oh, yes. And me and my beautiful maiden." Blueblood kissed Dusty on the cheek.
"Blue, please, you're making me blush." Dusty tittered. "Stop."
"Why?" Blueblood asked. "You're so very cute when you're nervous."
"P-please..." Dusty stuttered as Blueblood began kissing around her snout and cheeks, nuzzling her still. She let out a nervous sigh and blushed. "Stop... that tickles..."
"Make me..." Blueblood chuckled.
The two began to exchange small kisses when suddenly, a bucket came out of nowhere, throwing water at Blueblood.
"GAH!" Blueblood spluttered. "What in blue blazes?!"
"Are you okay?" Dusty asked.
"No!" Blueblood shivered. "That water was ice cold!"
Caboose came in, his horn levitating the bucket.
"Okay, kids, hoof check!" He announced.
Blueblood and Dusty glanced at Caboose in shock.
"Hoof check?!" Blueblood repeated. "What's the meaning of this?!"
"What does this look like?" Caboose smirked. "I'm making sure you weren't doing anything of the sordid kind."
"Sordid? What do you-" Blueblood stopped as he and Dusty realized what Caboose meant. "For crying out loud, we were just CUDDLING! Nothing more!"
"Yes, what gives you authority to butt into our personal life?" Dusty demanded.
"Well, your old stallion." Caboose declared. "Look, I'm all for PDA and stuff, but you two have to keep it clean. This is a family 'fic, after all."
"Fic?" Blueblood grunted. "What are you talking about?! You know what, forget it. Me and Dusty weren't going to go that far! Even if we were, I wouldn't certainly do it in the study! I have my standards, you know!"
"He's right." Dusty agreed. "Blueblood and I are taking it slow, like we have been for the past few months."
"Sure, that's what they all say." Caboose said skeptically. "But all it takes is one moment like a few seconds earlier to get a bun in the oven."
"You are being paranoid!" Blueblood roared.
"No, my cousin Link was paranoid when he thought the chickens were going to kill him." Caboose replied. "But I swear as an uncle, there will be no baking in my niece's oven at all. You guys will thank me later."
Caboose trotted off with a grin. After he left the room, Blueblood glared at Dusty.
"He won't be any problem, you said." He grumbled.
"Look, he means well." Dusty sighed. "We were getting a little carried away."
"Yeah, but he didn't need to submerge me in icy water." Blueblood pointed out.
"I'll talk with him." Dusty declared. "For now, let's get you into some dry clothes."
"Good. He downright ruined my favorite tuxedo." Blueblood pouted.
Later, during dinner, Blueblood and Dusty were enjoying deserts with the royal family. As Dusty took a big bite out of her pie, a glob of whipped cream ended up on her nose.
"Here, let me get that for you." Blueblood leaned over and kissed the spot where the cream was.
"Blue..." Dusty blushed. "Not in front of the others..."
"Let them look." Blueblood purred. "Ooh, missed a spot."
Suddenly, Blueblood was pelted with a cherry pie.
"GAH!" Blueblood yelped.
Everypony turned to see Caboose standing by the dessert cart.
"Caboose..." Dusty growled.
"Hello!" Caboose waved happily.
Celestia and Shine glanced at Caboose oddly, while Miracle giggled.
"Well, that's another tuxedo ruined." Blueblood groaned.
"Why did it have to be the cherry pie?!" Shine despaired.
"Sorry." Dusty cringed. "I'm sure Caboose'll ease off eventually."
"He'd better." Blueblood grumbled. "For my wardrobe's sake."
The next day, Blueblood and Dusty managed to slip away from Caboose by asking him to count Dusty's clothes (Surprisingly, he bought it). They made their way across the market, heading for the park, where they hoped to finally get some alone time.
"At last." Blueblood smirked. "I thought I'd never get rid of that feeling somepony was watching me. I was lucky that he didn't resort to using more… fatal methods of keeping us apart."
"Yes… although, I still have that feeling." Dusty fretted. "I think we're being foll-"
Dusty was cut off by a bag being put over her head.
"What-" Blueblood started, only to be bagged also.
When the darkness lifted, Blueblood and Dusty found themselves in a windowless room, their limbs tied to chairs, and a half-dozen mean-looking stallions glaring at them.
"What is this?" Blueblood demanded. "Who are you?"
One stallion stepped forward, his black mane flecked with grey, stubble coating his chin.
"How rude of me." He declared. "Allow me to introduce myself: Dr. Caballeron, at your service."
"I've heard of you." Blueblood sneered. "You're a common crook. Daring Do and the Elements of Harmony stopped you twenty years back."
"Don't you dare mention that mare's name!" Caballeron roared. "Those memories were bad enough as it is, and I don't need a reminder from you!"
"What do you want with us?" Dusty asked.
"Two things." Caballeron smirked. "For the prince, we could fetch a healthy ransom from Celestia and that farm chicken of hers." Blueblood growled in offense, "But you, my dear? Let's just say I have a... personal investment."
"What do you mean?" Dusty asked.
"Not too long ago, your father, Grimoire Napoleon, and I had an agreement." Caballeron declared. "He and his brothers were to procure for me a rare artifact, the Hoof of Midas. But they reneged on the deal, took my money, and insulted me right to my face, saying that a selfish louth like me has no business having priceless artifacts that could turn stuff to gold. Now I'm looking for some payback, and holding Grimoire's only child hostage seems like just the ticket."
"I don't think so." Blueblood growled. "Did you really think we were out there by ourselves? We were being shadowed by the roughest, toughest, baddest guardspony there is! And he's probably coming here right now to show you who's boss!"
"Really?" Caballeron clapped his hooves together.
Caballeron's minions went into the next room, returning with Caboose, who was also tied to a chair.
"Hey, guys!" Caboose waved. "Don't you worry. Like you said, there's somepony coming to rescue us!"
"I think he meant you." Dusty sighed.
"Oh." Caboose frowned.
"Unbelievable." Blueblood groaned.
"Did I forget to mention the bonus of Grimoire's idiot little brother?" Caballeron sneered. "I'll especially enjoy making him pay."
"Look, Dr. C, we said some things, you said some things, Grimm said some things, Vinny said something about your mother... it's quite confusing-" Caboose babbled.
Caballeron slapped Caboose.
"Okay, I guess, in a way, I deserved that." Caboose shrugged.
"Oh, you deserve far more than that." Caballeron sneered. "That was just the beginning. Boys, fetch me my payback tools."
The stallions complied, bringing in a set of nasty-looking blunt instruments.
"Please, don't hurt me, horrible doctor!" Caboose screeched
"Shut up, Caboose!" Caballeron growled.
"Now you're cursing at me!" Caboose yelped.
"Stop being such a foal." Caballeron snarled. "Your death will come swiftly and inpony-ly as possible."
"I don't want to be dead!" Caboose whined. "I want to be alive... or a cowpony!"
Caballeron hoisted a cudgel, and struck Caboose hard several times. Then he brought down a hammer on one of his victim's hooves.
"Oh sweet mercy!" Caboose cringed, whimpering at his hurt hoof, "Don't worry, hoof tip, you will be avenged…someday."
"Stop it!" Dusty yelled.
"Have you no decency?!" Blueblood cried.
"I think I'll work on your niece next." Caballeron sneered at Caboose. "I won't kill her, obviously. But I will make her wish she was dead..."
"What. Did. You. Say?!" Caboose roared in O'Malley's voice.
"You heard me." Caballeron smarmed, as he lean in, "She is going to scr-"
Caboose leaned forward and bit Caballeron on the nose.
"Aagh!" Caballeron roared. He stepped back, clutching his face. "Get him!"
Caballeron's henchponies moved to attack. Caboose expertly flipped in his chair and smashed it on one of them (breaking free at the same time). He then charged the others, taking them out one by one with very strong hoof punches, and even going as far as to throwing one of them into the wall. He then turned to Caballeron.
"Perhaps, we could... negotiate?" Caballeron said nervously.
"Negotiate this." Caboose, still as O'Malley, struck Caballeron in the face with his right hoof.
Caballeron crumpled to the floor. Caboose soon calmed down, holding his hurt hoof now.
"Whew, that was intense." Caboose said in his regular voice.
"Caboose... how... how did you do all this?" Blueblood gasped.
"I didn't." Caboose shook his head. "O'Malley did. He's a very violent pony."
"But you're O'Malley." Blueblood pointed out. "How could you have kung fu skills, yet be a klutz?"
"You got me." Caboose shrugged. "According to O'Malley, I was once, as he called it, a 'space marine' in another life."
" ...That is just crazy." Blueblood sighed.
"That's what I said." Caboose declared.
Caballeron slowly got up, getting ready to attack.
"Caboose, look out!" Dusty cried.
Caboose gave a back hoof, knocking the doctor out once and for all.
"Stupid doctor." He said in O'Malley's voice. He turned back to the two.
"See? Can't go a day without O'Malley almost maiming someone." Caboose shook his head.
Back at the castle, Caboose, Blueblood and Dusty were sitting in the study. Shine and Celestia were initially concerned by how long they were absent that day, but Caboose had managed to cover them all by simply saying that they were going on one of their dates.
When they asked about Caboose's injuries, Caboose simply lied and said he took a nasty tumble. Fortunately, they bought it.
"I apologize, Caboose." Blueblood declared. "You were just doing your job... in your own unique way."
"And you did it excellently." Dusty added.
"Aw, shucks." Caboose blushed. "T'weren't nothing."
"I beg to differ." Blueblood countered. "You saved us, and you have my eternal gratitude."
"O'Malley's the one you really have to thank." Caboose declared.
"Well then, thank you, O'Malley." Blueblood smiled.
"S'alright." Caboose said in O'Malley's voice, before reverting, "But in all seriousness, I think I might have went overboard before. I promise, from here on out, I will watch from afar."
"Thanks, Caboose." Blueblood nodded.
"I hope that vile doctor gets what he deserves." Dusty declared.
"Don't you worry about Dr. Caballeron." Caboose declared. "I'm having top stallions taking care of them."
"Really, who?" Blueblood asked.
Caboose glanced darkly at him.
"Top... stallions..." He repeated in O'Malley's voice.
Meanwhile, somewhere cold...
Murray and Vinny approached a shipping container, opening it to reveal Dr. Caballeron and his gang tied up and gagged.
"You picked the wrong family to mess with, pal." Murray glared.
"Yeah. The only ponies who get to beat up our little bro is us, and only us." Vinny snarled. "It's a good thing Caboose called us in as soon as he did."
Caballeron spat out his gag.
"What are you going to do to us?" He sneered. "Me and my followers can take any torture you have in mind."
"Torture?" Murray repeated. "Oh no, doctor. We aren't going to torture you. Our family does not do that.
"Then what?!" Caballeron demanded.
"While we could turn you in to the authorities, we believe that the only way you will learn not to kidnap two members of our family and a royal is to relocate you in a holding facility where you can bother nopony till the don says otherwise." Murray explained.
"And where would that be?" Caballeron asked.
"Can't say, but I can say that the place you're going, it should help 'chill you out'." Vinny chuckled.
"You can't do this to us!" Caballeron protested.
"Hey, look on the bright side." Vinny smirked. "You'll be a lot cooler than your mother ever was."
Caballeron's eye twitched. "You-"
The doors were slammed shut, as Murray and Vinny walked off with sly grins on their faces.