I have to wonder how long it took before Celestia and Luna realized just how little control I had over my magic. It certainly took them longer than it should have to act upon such knowledge, and it ended up causing quite a bit of damage. It turned out that my accidental use of the "Royal Canterlot Voice" was nothing more than an adrenaline-stimulated magical flare. Sure, I could make a shield or lock someone down when I was worked up enough, but my control beyond that was atrocious.
Acknowledging that, the decision was made that I should be trained by somepony with finer control of their magic. I suppose it was just my luck that I was landed with the Queen of Conniption Fits herself, the Element of Generosity, Rarity Belle... And quite possibly the greatest instructor I've ever had.
"No." I snapped. "It's not going to happen."
Celestia sighed in irritation. "You have no say in the matter, Maximus. You need to learn better control under intense situations or else you'll end up hurting not only yourself, but those around you." She grabbed me by the arm and proceeded to drag me towards the room of the one Element I wanted nothing to do with. Perhaps I can explain this distaste a bit better.
I had a less than favorable opinion of Rarity Belle. She seemed like a stuck-up high-class pain in the ass that I would do everything in my power to avoid. Even when I saw her in the Oval Office, I didn't so much as say a word to her. In fact, I'd made it quite clear that I wanted nothing to do with her. And now, because she supposedly has the best control over her magic out of any of the Equestrians that made it to this world, I was being forced under her tutelage.
"Dammit, woman, I told you I don't wanna." My complaints fell upon uncaring ears as Celestia kept a tight grip on my wrist to keep me from bolting while using the other hand to lightly knock on the door we had stopped at. "This is tantamount to abuse, Sun Buns. Let me go, already!"
At that moment, the door opened and I was faced with the Element of Generosity... And she just happened to be wearing nothing but a towel. Yeah, the universe hates me.
Upon seeing Celestia, Rarity bowed as low as she could before speaking, "Oh, my, Princess! I didn't know you would be here this soon! If you would allow me a few minutes to make myself presentable..." She started edging towards the open bathroom, which still seemed to have steam rolling out.
"Oh, that won't be necessary, Rarity. Maximus here will be staying with you for the time being. Do try to keep him out of trouble?" Celestia said with a slight twinkle in her eye. "He's quite the handful."
My own eye twitched in annoyance at this before I spat out, "Come sei così perfetto, cagna!" As soon as the last word left my lips, I felt a hand smack me hard. I traced the contact to Rarity, who looked livid.
"That is no way to speak to a lady, much less a Princess, you lout!" She snapped with all the authority of a drill sergeant. "You apologize to her right this instant!"
I stood there, rubbing my cheek a bit. For such a delicate woman, she had one helluva left. Anyone who ever asks "If she hit you so hard, why didn't you hit back?" will promptly be thrown out a window. Personal rule of mine: no matter how hard she hits, you never lay a hand on a woman in anger. That kind of action is just evil and wrong... That said, I had no compunctions about firing right back in the verbal department.
"Why don't you make me, you over-excitable banshee? I'm not apologizing unless Sun Buns does, too." I got close to Rarity, glaring right back at her.
This was not a smart decision.
You ever wonder why women end up being the real decision-making half of any relationship? It's because they're scary when they're mad. I don't know why, but not long after I made my smart remark to Rarity, I found myself in the position of "packmule" while the fashionista dragged me all around D.C. to hit almost every store in the city.
"Women are evil..." I muttered as I lifted the bags into the back of my car. "They're evil and this one is their ringleader."
"Come along now, Max. We still have another dozen stores before today is done," Rarity chirped happily.
Screw being the ringleader. Rarity Belle invented feminine evil.
For all we both knew, this was going to be the majority of the day. Frankly, I would have been just peachy acting as a packmule if it meant avoiding what was coming next. At the very moment we exited the most recent store, gunfire resounded from down the street. Everyone in the vicinity started ducking and running away from the sound... Except me.
What can I say? I have something akin to a death wish. Well, that, and I have a semi-inborn obligation to make sure no one gets hurt. Too many problems because one person can't control themselves? Yeah, not on my watch.
I made my way to the area where the gunfire came from and saw a man in a dark blue suit holding an AK-74, spraying fire into the crowd that was trying to get away from him. A manic grin painted his visage, making his instability all the more apparent. Then I saw the bomb strapped to his chest.
Yeah, I know, we never let anyone know about that part of the incident so as to not totally frighten the public. I crouched low and moved to a position where I could lunge at him. This was when I performed the action that so famously made its way onto YouTube a few days later.
"Hey, fucker!" I shouted. "Let's do this! LEEROOOOOY JENKINS!" With my shout, a shockwave blasted out from me and knocked the gunman off his feet and into a table nearby. I took that opportunity to bum-rush him and dived on top of him and pinned both of his arms to the ground before bringing my leg up to nail him between the legs with all of my strength and momentum. The pain must have put him in a state of shock, because he didn't struggle, he just stared up at the sky and let out this pitiful squeaking moan. "Now stay there. I'm not in the mood for extended ass-whoopings today."
I stood and turned around to see Celestia and Rarity smirking at me. I was confused for a moment until I saw the air shimmer and the scenery faded back to me holding Rarity's shopping bags.
"I would say he did quite well, don't you?" I heard Celestia say from nearby. I spun to face her and used magic to force her to the ground. After she was down, I walked up to her and stuck my face in hers before beginning to rant.
"Are you fucking serious? You used an illusion on me? What in spirits' names is wrong with you? That's low and you know it you stupid woman! What would have happened if I'd actually hurt someone?" She was silent as I continued to glare at her. "Well?" I thundered.
Both Rarity and Celestia looked shocked when I started yelling, and now they looked ashamed. Served them right... Wait... Why did I feel so bad about telling them off? Oh, right. Women...
"Listen," I began. "You two probably think you were doing me some good, but this isn't the way to go about teaching me control. I'm a bit of a hands-on learner." I was quiet for a bit before I looked at Celestia. "And not that kind of hands-on, Sun Buns."
Both women were silent for a short while as my secondary quip sunk in...
*SMACK*
Perhaps I should have chosen my words a bit more carefully.