Luna's Journey to Wal-Mart
By Quarx Rylzma
Luna stood in the entrance of the giant, self-opening doors in front of her and sighed as she stared at the obviously not-so-happy, greeter, that had a brown coat, a smiley face for a cutie mark, and a stupid smile on his face as Luna approached the sliding doors, that automatically opened for her within a couple feet of her reaching the threshold that, once she crossed it, would silently herald her arrival in the discord-ridden store. As her hooves clicked onto the concrete, that was the floor of the foyer, Luna prepared for, what she, 'Tia, Candace, and Twilight have personally called it, the worst greeting in retail history.
“Hello, my name is Dark Shine! And I'd like to welcome you to Wal-Mart, where we sell nearly everything that would satisfy your needs for a cheap and affordable price! If you have any questions, please feel free to ask me, or one of our many employers throughout the store! Thank you!”
Luna opened her eyes and sighed. Why did 'Tia send me here again? Luna thought. Oh, that's right, it's my turn to go get the groceries for the monthly feast. She sighed and took out the grocery list, that Twilight helpfully made for her, and reviewed it once more before setting foot upon the more discord-ridden sales floor. Butter, milk, eggs, flour, water, cheese, soda, hay, wine, marble-polisher, cleaning supplies, rags, towels, V8 Berry Splash©, shampoo for each alicorn, the movie, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy©, popcorn, fabric, and spaghetti. Hm. Looks easy enough.
With her magic, Luna levitated a cart in front of her and also make it go forward. She took out the list again...
Butter.
Milk.
Eggs.
Cheese.
Luna looked up and found the dairy section labeled by an extremely large sign, that was bolted to the wall above the very section she was looking for. She walked over there and grabbed two gallons of milk, a canister of I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-Butter!©, 1½ dozen eggs, and a standard stack of Equestrian cheese.
After obtaining the said items, Luna looked at the list again...
Water.
V8 Berry Splash©.
Soda.
Wine.
Luna looked around for the, what she deemed it as, 'Other Beverages' aisles. On its shelves were where the juice, soda, and water were waiting patiently to be taken away for either the register, or, if it was outdated, the dumpster. Luna knew the store pretty well, and it took her less than five seconds to locate it: right in front of where she had picked up her milk. She walked up and down its aisles, looking at both sides for the four, not-hard-to-miss items that she was sent here to take away to their new home in the palace. She found the V8© first; then she grabbed two gallons of water, a 24-pack of Sprite©, and the finest wine she could fine.
She, once again, looked at her list...
Flour.
Hay.
Spaghetti.
Popcorn.
The place where these items were sold were obvious enough: in the produce aisles. Scanning the signs above the aisles, she quickly found the hay nearest to her. She magically pushed her cart to that aisle and grabbed 10 bushels of hay from the shelves. She then went out of the aisle to scan the signs again. The next closest item was the popcorn. She bought a box of popcorn containing four bags of the poppy corn, in which they make a sound that got her so excited every time she heard it. She closed her eyes and relished in the memories for a couple moments, then went out of the aisle and, yet again scanned the signs for the next item. She spotted an aisle that contained the last two items that she needed from the produce aisle: spaghetti and flour. She went there and got the cheapest spaghetti and all-purpose flour.
After that, she took another glance at her list...
Cleaning supplies.
Marble-polisher.
Knowing where these things are, Luna trotted merrily towards the back, where they were located by the snacks, which were by the 'other beverages' aisles. Finding all of the cleaning supplies first, Luna cantered for a bit, for she had to look a little harder to find the Mr. Scrubber's Marble-Polisher© that the castle always uses to polish the floors of the castle extra-shiny.
After those items, Luna placed her eyes on the list, again...
Fabric.
Rags.
Towels.
Luna trotted over to the place where the said items were held on their dormant shelves and just gathered dust as a past-time hobby. She took four towels, a stack of five multicolored rags, and twenty-six feet of blue fabric.
After taking care of those, not-so-hard-to-find items, Luna took another, quick look at her rapidly depleting list of things to pick up from the retail store she so hated going to, but had to because there were no other retail store in Canterlot that had all of the items that they needed on a monthly basis, especially Mr. Scrubber's Marble-Polisher©...
Shampoo for each of thee alicorns.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy©.
The first one was the closest, being next to the produce, which wasn't that far away. Once she reached her destination, she found all four of their favorite shampoo brands: Sparkle Shine, MoonShine, SunPoo, and LovSmell. After putting them in the nearly-full cart, she went over to the, in which she called, 'technology center.' There, she easily found the very movie she wanted to watch after reading the books themselves: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy©. The cover was more beautiful than she could ever imagine.
But she could not dwell on it for too long. No, she still had to buy the items at one of the registers.
The registers.
The true capital of discord without that draconaquis running about.
The registers.
They were famous for their long lines, especially with so few open.
Luna wanted to get out of the store quickly, before a huge mob gathers around her, screaming and squealing for their favorite princess to do this, do that, or offer their hoof in marriage.
Luna shook her head. No, she thought, stiffly, I can't get distracted like this. I must figure a way to leave without anypony knowing.\
She silently walked up to the front of the store and looked down the row of cash registers, planning her final escape plan. Some of the lights were off, signaling that those registers were currently vacant by any cashier.
Then, she saw it.
A flicker of harmony within the discord-ridden store of chaos and disharmony.
It would've been plainly interesting if she were a regular customer, but Luna wasn't your average Wal-Mart customer; no, she was one of the acting rulers of Equestria, just visiting for supplies that were much-needed back at the castle.
This 'thing' had a plainly plastic blue sign with the white words, “Self-Checkout” across its surface and lit up by a light within.
To Luna, it was her salvation.
It.
Was.
A.
Beacon.
Of.
Hope.
Luna, not wanting to draw any unwanted attention towards herself, she decided not to teleport herself to the registers, but, instead, just calmly trot over to them. When she reached the entrance to the registers, she found one empty and trotted her nearly-full cart to the register.
It was touch-screen, obviously. On the beginning screen, the Wal-Mart logo was on one side of the screen, while the options to start her checkout or switch to the Griffon language were available. Luna obviously pressed, 'Start.' About a two-thirds of the left half of the screen went completely white, while, it displayed the total amount of Equestrian bits she owed, beginning, obviously, with zero owed.
“Welcome to Wal-Mart. Please scan your first item,” a feminine voice greeted. An animation of a pony scanning something across the scanner also appeared. The pony appeared to let it scan the bar-code of the item.
Luna levitated her first item, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy©, and let it scan the bar-code on the back. With a resounding and satisfying, 'Beep!,' the item information appeared on the white part of the screen, as well as the price. She was amazed at this amazing new technology. But she did not have time to dwell upon it as another animation appeared, this time showing the same pony placing an item onto the metal plate next to the register, and the same feminine voice stated, “Please place item in bagging area.”
She did and, as soon as she did, the animation went away, leaving her with the knowledge of operating the machine.
Later, when she was done scanning the last item, as well as placing it onto the bagging area, she clicked the large button that said, “Finish and Pay.” As soon as she did, though, the feminine voice returned, not with more helpful and useful tips of operating the wonderful machine that Luna practically fell in love with, but rather with alertness and worry. “Unexpected item in bagging area. Please remove the unexpected item.”
“Wait, what do you mean by 'unexpected item?'” Luna asked the machine.
Instead of answering, the machine repeated the same line: “Unexpected item in bagging area. Please remove the unexpected item.”
Luna looked over and obviously saw what the 'unexpected item' was: it was the same stallion that greeted him earlier, Dark Shine. Luna was furious. She did not want to be delayed by some stupid stallion, that happened to be sitting on the very edge of the bagging area, talking to a friend of his, while on break, and completely oblivious to that fact.
Luna was furious. Rage flowed through her eyes and she cleared her throat to get the stallion's attention. The stallion obviously heard her and turned around, only to be surprised to be facing one of the royal alicorn princesses on her grocery shopping. He then realized that he was sitting on the bagging area of the very register that she is currently using. When he put both of them together, he quickly got off of what he was sitting upon and stammered, “P-please, Y-Your M-Majesty, forgive me. I-I didn't m-mean t-to be sitting there.”
Luna's ferocity was already past the point of mercy. As her horn began to be enveloped by a soft, dark-blue, as well as Dark Shine, she stated in a calm, yet menacing, voice, “Mercy? Ha! You hath already passed thee point of getting any mercy out of me!” She then turned on her Royal Canterlot Voice. “As one of thee ruling monarchs of Equestria,” the whole store was dead-quiet now, as everypony was now staring at the commotion going on at the self-checkout registers, “for interrupting my shopping here, I hereby fire you from this establishment!”
“NOOOOOOO!!!!!” the stallion cried as he was lowered to the floor.
After everything returned to normal, three security guards came and dragged Dark Shine away. The manager was about to ask Luna something, but Luna just held up her hoof telling him that she wanted to finish her shopping normally. She returned to the register, which now had several different payment types that she could choose from. She choose to pay with her debit card, for the price was so large. She then bagged her items and placed them in her cart. She then magically pushed her cart out into the foyer, where she also used her magic to levitate her bags so that they would remain near her as she walked.
Then, she began to think of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy...