Chapter 27: Introductions
Wednesday, Mid-Morning, A Few Seconds of Awkward Staring Later…
Immediately, the sound on enraged females echoed through the crowd. Enraged females hitting sexually aroused males, that is.
“How could you?!”
*Smack*
“I thought what we had was special!”
*Thump*
“I can’t believe you!”
*Whap*
“How dare you!”
*Thunk*
“You're right, that is hot…. Take me right now….”
I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that… thought Ditzy, edging away from the offending couple.
Twilight had organized the town to form a search party this morning. When her friends didn’t return last night she grew more and more worried. Eventually, she roped almost everyone in the town–minus the foals–into starting a search party, though, Pinkie was sad that she wasn’t able to attend. I even got off of work today! Apparently, lost ponies take precedence over the post, Ditzy thought, smiling slightly. Which is good, because I was going to be late for work today anyway.
Ditzy looked at Alexander. He didn’t look too much different, but… there was something off about him. His skin seemed a bit shiny and pale. I know I’m no doctor, but that doesn’t look quite right, she thought. Last time I saw him I don’t remember his skin looking like that—
Snapping out of her trance, she found that Twilight was shouting at him. “...did you do to Fluttershy!” she screeched, rushing forward. Twilight started scanning Fluttershy with her horn, and she placed a foreleg in front of her mouth to check for breathing.
The crowd stared at Alexander.
“How is she?” asked Rainbow Dash, joining Twilight by Fluttershy’s body.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with her, so I can’t tell!” Twilight said frantically, checking her heartbeat and pulse in quick succession.
Alexander stared at the crowd.
“Alexander... Alexander!” Dash shouted. “What did you say bit her?”
“Hm?” Alexander didn’t break his concentration as he replied, “Oh, it was some big black spider.”
“Not helping! Did it have any distinguishing features? Or even better, do you have it with you?” Twilight quickly asked, gently rolling Fluttershy onto her back.
“Bring that thing with me? Are you crazy?” he stated, wiping a foreleg across his forehead. “I did not–and still don’t–want to end up like her.”
The crowd still didn’t take their eyes off of Alexander.
“Did you see the spider?” asked Twilight.
“No,” Dash shook her head. “Me and Alexander were banging each other up, and then when I looked up she was having sex with a tree!”
“So… you had an orgy… in the forest… with a tree, Fluttershy, and Alexander?” asked Twilight, glancing up at her friend.
“Sooooooo hoooot,” whispered the same mare from earlier.
“What? No! We were fighting!” said Dash, struggling not to blush. “I thought he had killed Fluttershy!”
“That was a terrible way to describe what happened,” he said, shaking his head slightly.
“Well, you do better!” Dash retorted.
Alexander’s eyes met Ditzy’s good eye. He lingered for a split-second before returning to his sweeps of the crowd; he gave no indication that he had even seen her.
“We…” Twilight facehooved.
“What?” asked Dash.
“The entire town is in front of me.”
“So?”
“Where’s the doctor?” Twilight shouted. “Get over here!”
A tan stallion in a white coat was roughly shoved out of the crowd. The mass of ponies shut behind him like a door. “H-hi,” he mumbled, taking a longing look back at the crowd.
“Help her!” said Dash, shoving him past Alexander and over to Fluttershy.
The stallion swallowed nervously and peered over his shoulder.
“What?” rumbled Alexander, meeting his gaze.
“Nothing!” shouted the doctor, turning away.
The crowd held its breath as the doctor examined Fluttershy. Except for the one couple who was breathing heavily; Ditzy tried her best to ignore them.
“A-and, uh, what are the, uh, symptoms?” he stuttered.
“She tried to have sex with Dash and a tree,” said Alexander.
“Totally not cool,” muttered Dash.
“A tree you say? Has F-fluttershy ever-r express-sed any particular… interest… in trees before?” the doctor asked, feeling her pulse.
“Not in this way!” said Twilight, wringing her hooves. “Though she did say that she wanted to be a tree once…”
The doctor nodded. “I know what happened to her, and we need to get her to the hospital. R-right away,” said the doctor. “Take her to the Emergency Room immediately!” he shouted at the crowd.
“What is it?” asked Twilight as two burly earth ponies rolled Fluttershy onto a stretcher and lifted her on their shoulders
“Well, the description of the creature that bit her—provided by this wonderful gentlestallion.” The doctor looked over his shoulder to see an unnerving smile on Alexander’s face. “Com-com-bined with the only sim-symptom can mean only one thing…” He looked back at Twilight and locked eyes with her. “College unicorns.”
“What?” asked Twilight.
“What?” echoed Dash.
The crowd was still silent, unsure of the new creature standing in front of them.
“You heard m-me,” said the doctor. “Take a b-bunch of young, stupid unicorns, s-school them in advanced m-magic, and don’t keep a close eye o-on them? That’s a recipe for that.” He pointed at the rapidly disappearing Fluttershy.
“And what exactly is that?” asked Alexander, causing the doctor to jump.
“W-w-well, uh...”
“Spit it out already!” shouted Dash.
The stallion took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “They created a spider who’s venom amplifies random fetishes you have—or might not have. But it usually uses an existing fetish. They wanted to explore the ‘Magic of Fetish’ without inhibitions.”
The implications of his words set in.
“So Fluttershy actually wants to have sex with me and ‘Mister Tree’?!” shouted Dash.
“It’s entirely possible,” answered the doctor, doing his best to forget exactly what was standing near him. Though, while he seemed to be concentrating on not concentrating on Alexander, he also seemed to be trying to figure out exactly what he was concentrating on not concentrating on.
“Thank you, you can go,” said Twilight.
The stallion nodded thankfully and rushed back into the crowd.
“So…” she said, looking out at the unblinking assembly.
The crowd hardly even breathed; Alexander began to take slow steps backward toward the forest.
“Hey, Twilight? Who is that behind you?” called out Ditzy. I hope this works.
“Thank you for asking!” said Twilight, grasping onto the sentence like she would a dusty, old tome. “This is Alexander!” she announced, proudly waving her forelegs at him. “He’s a bit new, so lets all give him a warm Ponyville welcome!”
Nopony said anything.
“And what is he?” she called out again.
“Alexander is a newly discovered, sentient species classified as a hyuman!” Twilight answered excitedly.
This is not going well.
“I think I’ll just be going now,” said Alexander, backing up further.
“But-but you can’t leave yet,” pleaded Twilight. “I haven't run any test—I mean, checked your overall health at the hospital.”
Alexander motioned Twilight closer and whispered in her ear.
“Come on, really?” said Dash, overhearing them. “Nuh-uh.”
He rolled his eyes and took a few long, limping strides closer to the crowd. He leaned down right in front of Ditzy and stared at her. “Boo.”
It’s the battle cry of the she-demon! Everypony for themselves!” screamed a mare from the horde, spreading panic like a wildfire.
Ponies ran everywhere, screaming hysterically; they ran into each other, the walls, the ground, and each other again. Carts were overturned, and doors were almost broken off their hinges as ponies occasionally took refuge in houses that were already occupied.
Within seconds, the entire area was completely bare. The only beings who remained were Applejack, Rarity, Twilight, Rainbow, Ditzy, and Alexander.
“Told you they were ready to panic,” said Alexander, straightening up.
“So they were…” said Twilight.
“Now, why’d you have to go an’ do that?” asked Applejack.
He replied by shrugging. “Why not? I’m just going back into the forest anyways.”
“No way!” shouted Rainbow. “You have to pay for what you did to Fluttershy!”
“And what did I do exactly?”
“...Give me a minute.”
“Under law one two eight five five nine three, section nine seven point four, I am hereby authorized to take all actions necessary–starting with diplomacy of course–to prevent another panic attack among the citizens of Ponyville. By proving that you cause panic, you fall under this category,” said Twilight.
“That was a new law Celestia implemented after the whole ‘Zecora Debacle’,” whispered Rarity in Ditzy’s ear.
“Say what?” asked Alexander.
“It means that—”
“Yeah, I know what it means. But why are you doing this to me? I just want to go back to my forest.”
“But, knowledge!” said Twilight, causing Ditzy to giggle quietly and Dash to shake her head. “I have to write a book on the study of you, the only hyuman in Equestria!”
“Well first of all it’s not ‘hyuman’ it’s human, stop saying it like it’s a disease. And second: no. I’m leaving, and you can’t stop me.”
“But…”
“Please?”
“No.”
“Can I scan you just once?”
Alexander paused. “Will you leave me alone for the rest of your natural life?”
“Do I have to?” she asked hesitantly.
“Only if you want your stupid scan,” answered Alexander.
“Fine…” Twilight sighed, lighting up her horn.
“Remove all articles of clothing please,” she said sadly.
Alexander turned around and started walking away.
“No, no, wait! Nevermind! You’re fine, just please stop moving,” she pleaded.
“You have one minute,” he said, stopping and facing her.
She started at the top of his head and slowly worked her way down.
“At least she was able to scan him once,” said Rarity to the other mares. “Hopefully she can get a decent bit of information out of it. Otherwise we’d never hear the end of it.”
“Probably still won’t,” muttered Dash.
“Are we even sure he’ll stay in the forest?” asked Applejack.
“Beats me,” said Dash, “but I’ll be glad if I never see him again.” She rubbed at her crotch as she spoke.
...Why is she...? I don’t even want to know.
Twilight let out a massive gasp. “Your leg is infected! To the hospital!” she screeched.
“Wait—”
Twilight and Alexander disappeared in an explosion of bright light.
“...Darn it,” said Rainbow.
“I suppose we should go an’ meet her there,” said Applejack.
“I agree, she may need help convincing Alexander that the teleport was necessary. Just imagine trying to get him through town on hoof!” Rarity shivered. “It would be like Zecora all over again, but worse.”
“Mind if I come along too?” asked Ditzy. It’s not like I have anything better to do.
“Not at all, darling.”
“What are you waiting for? Let’s go!” shouted Dash, sprinting for the hospital.
Applejack shrugged and ran after her.
“Let’s keep our pace at a much more reasonable one, shall we?” said Rarity, daintily trotting after her rambunctious friends.
“Sure,” said Ditzy, keeping step with her.