“Princess Celestia!” Shining Armor yelled at the front gates of Canterlot Castle, “As Prince of the Crystal Empire, and the Crystal Princess Cadance's ambassador to the Court of Canterlot, I demand entrance!”
From a tower window high above, the voice of Celestia yelled back, “I refuse!”
The gate was blocked by a phalanx of royal guardsponies, with Shining Armor's successor as Captain of the Guard standing in the center. The Captain stepped forward, a nervous and uncomfortable look on his face, and saluted. “Sir Armor, I am dreadfully sorry about this, but her majesty has specifically ordered that you not be allowed inside the castle. She has commanded that you return to the Crystal Empire, and also said to tell your sister... I'm just delivering the message, sir... She said to tell your sister, and I quote, 'suck zebra meat', sir.” He attempted, and failed, to give a disarming smile. “She said your sister would understand its meaning.”
“Huh,” Shining Armor said, “That's actually scarier than the message itself.”
“Sorry, sir.”
Shining Armor nodded. “Well, Captain, I appreciate that you are in a difficult situation here, and I want you to know that I have no hard feelings, and I hope you won't either after I do this.”
Five minutes later, Shining Armor stood before Princess Celestia's private chambers, a trail of four dozen guardsponies lying unconscious in his wake. He took a deep breath, summoned his magic, and used it to draw open the massive doorway.
Once it had opened a crack, a massive burst of flame shot forth, blew the door wide open, and would have disintegrated the unicorn if he hadn't been prepared, and immediately raised his magical shield.
After several seconds of infernal blaze, the fire faded, leaving Shining Armor unharmed. “Your highness,” he said, “I'm here for the dragon. Let him go and nopony else needs to get hurt.”
“Never!” Celestia cried. “Not until your sister has paid for her crimes!”
“Help me, Shining Armor!” Spike cried. He was hanging on some sort of rack, his arms and legs chained to the corners, and for reasons Shining Armor could not hope to understand he was wearing what appeared to be a metal wire with two small circular plates on his chest and a matching loincloth. “She's kept me locked up here ever since the Magic game!”
“I know, Spike,” Shining Armor said. “Twilight's sent me to get you home. Everything is gonna be okay, bro.”
“Captain Shining Armor... Prince Shining Armor...” Celestia said smoothly, stepping towards the unicorn with a sultry smile. “I'm willing to forgive your... rude intrusion, if you cease this foolishness now. You know...” she walked down his side, lightly trailing him with her tail. “I always thought you were the finest Captain of the Guard I ever had, and deserved a greater reward. My niece, though I love her, is young... everything she knows, she learned from me. Would you not rather drink from the source itself, my handsome stallion?” By now she had walked around him and stood close together, face to face, her knowing, inviting gaze and her sultry smile enough to raise a fire in any pony's heart.
Shining Armor headbutted her, and she collapsed with a groan, and didn't move.
“Forty-nine in a row. That's a new personal best,” Shining Armor said as he loosened the chains and gently dropped Spike on his back. “Come on, big guy, let's get you back home.”
“It was horrible...” Spike groaned, looking fearfully down at the unconscious alicorn. “When she wakes up she's gonna kill us...”
“Naw, it's cool,” Shining Armor said. “Secret Captain of the Guard info: Celestia does this every few decades when she thinks she's being neglected. I told Luna to pamper her and stuff her with cake for a while, and I'll get Twily to send her a letter. She'll be back to normal in no time.”
“Wow,” Spike said.
“Tell me about it. Alicorns be crazy.”