** "You are trapped in a web of illusions, Twilight Sparkle!" **
"So, who am I playing against first?" Twilight said out loud to nopony in particular as she found her seat. The seat opposite her was empty, right up until a burst of fireworks exploded not four feet away that threatened to blind and deafen the recent Princess, and when the smoke cleared, the seat was occupied.
"Oh," Twilight said, inbetween coughs. "Trixie. Of course."
"Yes! It is I, the great and powerful TRIXIE!" She threw her hooves up in her usual flamboyant gesture, as though she were waiting for imaginary applause to die down.
"What are you doing here, Trixie? I thought you had stopped trying to be my archenemy?"
"It is true! The great and apologetic Trixie no longer wishes to see you humiliated and disgraced, paraded on a leash before all your friends and neighbours after being forced to admit that Trixie is your superior while she holds you in- mmpph!"
"I'm just gonna stop you right there," Twilight said, holding Trixie's mouth shut with magic. “There are kids in here, you know.”
"Sorry," Trixie muttered sheepishly, and Twilight released her. "Anyway, Trixie only wishes to challenge you to a friendly game, to best you in a socially acceptable manner!"
"Fine," Twilight said. The two of them shuffled their decks and drew their starting cards, and rolled a die to determine who would go first, which Twilight won.
"I play an island," Twilight said. "Your turn."
"The Great and Powerful Trixie also plays an island! With its power, Trixie casts Phantasmal Bear!" She smirked. "Trixie, mistress of illusions, of course is able to summon illusionary creatures that are far more powerful than their low cost would suggest."
"Wait – you're playing what's basically an Ursa Minor?" Twilight looked at her skeptically.
Trixie blushed. "Trixie is completely able to control the power of the Ursa Minor! Trixie does not know what you are implying!"
Twilight rolled her eyes. "Fine."
"Your turn."
"I play a plains, and a New Prahv Unicorn. Your turn."
"Trixie plays an island, and attacks with the Ursa – I mean, Phantasmal Bear!"
"I'll take the damage. You're done?" Trixie nodded. "Then I play another plains, and my unicorn gives your bear flying. When any spell or ability hits your illusions, even a beneficial one, they evaporate. Your bear is gone. Your turn."
Trixie looked down at her suddenly-empty side of the table. "...Well, that doesn't matter! Trixie will simply play Mare of the Unreal, which means that now you can't target Trixie's illusions at all! So there! And then Trixie plays another island, and another Phantasmal Bear!" She laughed. "Now what will you do?"
"Banished to the Moon on your Lord of the Unreal. Then I can give flying to your new bear as well. They're both gone."
Trixie looked down at her once again empty side of the table. "Trixie would like to stop playing now."
"Alright."
"Trixie will be back soon."
"Of course you will."
–
** The Clone Wars. **
So this is weird, Silver Spoon thought to herself, as she sat down opposite the supreme ruler of Equestria and shuffled her deck. What do I say to the Princess? What would my etiquette tutor say? She rummaged around in her memories and came up with nothing. Those lessons don’t really have much to say about Magic: the Gathering. They would be much more enjoyable if they did. 'How to act when your opponent forces you to sacrifice all your creatures' would be really useful. “You play Magic, then, your highness?”
Celestia magically drew a hoof of cards, looked at them, and frowned in what struck Silver Spoon as uncharacteristic of her public persona. “Yes, little… creature, I am told that this card game is given much love, and I wish to investigate it as a possible source of nourishment for my— I mean, fun! A source of fun for my subjects.”
This is so weird, Silver Spoon thought again. She’s behaving very informally. I guess this counts as a casual social interaction? I have to adapt my behavior accordingly while remaining respectful. Take my cues from her. “Should we start?”
“Very well.”
Seven turns later, neither of them had played a spell.
On her eighth turn, Celestia played a Sliver, and passed the turn to Silver Spoon, who copied it with a Clone. Celestia copied that copy with a Clone of her own. Silver Spoon copied that, and Celestia copied that.
“Should we maybe just start over?” Silver Spoon suggested. Celestia nodded.
–
** The Triumph of the Human Spirit. **
“I had to buy fifty-four Whinnystrad boosters and trade a crapload of cards, but I finally got my human deck ready just in time for this,” Lyra said. “It’s all themed, it all synergizes, and there’s a cartload of fancy combos that will destroy everything anybody can throw at it.
“Anybody?” Lyra’s opponent, a blonde cross-eyed Pegasus mare, asked.
“It’s a thing humans say,” Lyra said. “I’ve carefully analyzed it and playtested it dozens of times against every mono-color and two-color combination. It’s unstoppable.”
“That’s cool,” Derpy said happily. “I didn't have a deck, so I just bought four of those card pack things and added some lands when I came in."
–
** The circle is complete. Now I am the Master. **
Sunny Skies discreetly glanced around the room, taking note of the various matches going on around her. There was ‘Celestia’ playing against a tense, silver-colored filly. In another corner, Moonrise sat looking exasperated as she struggled to understand the new cards in the deck Sunny had provided for her, while opposite her three little fillies sat huddled together behind one deck, arguing amongst themselves about what to play first, oblivious to the fact that they were revealing everything they had to their opponent. There was a mint green unicorn sobbing into her cards, for some reason. Twilight sat alone, for the moment, idly shuffling her cards with her magic, and observing the matches around her as well. Sunny Skies averted her eyes when Twilight’s glance moved in her direction, and settled on the zebra sitting across the table from her.
“A zebra, huh?” Sunny Skies asked, looking skeptically at Zecora as she drew her starting hoof. “What are you doing in Ponyville anyway?”
“Zecora is my name, and the Everfree Forest is my domain. I know many secret arts to help what ails each pony heart. From the wild herbs there I brew much physic, I also teach Princess Sparkle magic. Today, these magic cards I play to domineight everypony in my way.”
Sunny scoffed. “You, teach Princess Sparkle? Everypony knows Twilight Sparkle is Princess Celestia’s private student.”
Zecora chuckled as she expertly shuffled her cards. “The Sun Princess? You may see it yet – a mad old nag who treats Twilight as a pet. Here where the Princess does not see, Twilight seeks my help to set her free.”
Sunny harrumphed. “That’s ridiculous, why would Twilight ever want your help?”
“Twilight longs for a more secure space, and seeks comfort and wisdom in my soothing embrace. Celestia truly does not know, poor Twilight fears her foul love so. But that is only the iceberg’s tip: even Luna has tasted dear Twilight’s lips.”
Sunny’s eyes went wide as saucers and her jaw dropped. “What?” She turned and cast a murderous glare in Moonrise’s direction.
Zecora nodded. "I have earned Twilight Sparkle's trust, she comes to me to escape the sun's lust. My knowledge now she seeks instead, Celestia would only ever teach her in bed. For the Princess, Twilight holds a secret hate. I begin by playing a Golgari Guild Gate."
–
** The Quest for the Red Hind. **
Diamond Tiara looked at the card Applejack had just played. “That’s not a real card!”
“It’s plenty real enough for me,” Applejack said with a vicious glint in her eye. “Apple Family Honor: if an opponent bullies mah little sister, she gets a Grandpa Apple-style spankin’ until she can’t walk straight and cries ‘auntie’.”
“I play Cancel!” Diamond Tiara yelled back. “Your totally fake card is countered!”
“Apple Family Honor can’t be countered. Now lean over and spread em, you little beast.”
–
Silver Spoon was immersed in her own game against Princess Celestia when she heard her friend scream, and looked up just in time to see Diamond Tiara run out of the store, chased by the farm pony.
Sorry, DT, Silver Spoon thought. Right now you're not the highest-ranking pony around, and I need to suck up like I've never sucked before. "Oh wow, Princess, that's an excellent creature you just played," she said with a huge, admiring grin plastered on her face. "The, uh, Battle Sliver certainly is intimidating, and a great boost to the rest of your... sliver, changeling and clone army, Princess."
"Indeed," Princess Celestia said coldly, glaring suspiciously at the filly opposite her. "Obviously. That is why it is in my deck, cretin."
I never knew the Princess was so grumpy.
–
"Oh, this is… zebra apples!" Sunny Skies all but yelled in furious rage. "Twilight Sparkle adores the Princess! And the Princess would never do anything like that! Celestia loves all her subjects in a completely appropriate, non-creepy manner! And I play a plains!" She loudly slammed the card down on the table.
"You seem upset, you really do. Perhaps competition is not for you. It's no shame to not be in my class, but it does mean I will kick your—"
"I play Medomare the Ageless!" Sunny yelled, feeling like she was about to breathe smoke. "Now hurry up and get through your turn so that I can kill you!"
Zecora only smiled. "You should keep a calmer mind; to my Cockatrice queen you are quite blind. Monstrous now, she clears the skies, then turns to make you face her eyes."
"Would you just say what you're doing in a way that makes sense?!"
Zecora rolled her eyes. "All your creatures have been savaged, so I attack for fatal damage.” Sunny’s fury was put on hold as the message sank in, and the full consequences.
Zecora chuckled. “It seems your deck is out of stock. Now join Luna and Twilight and suck my—"
The zebra was interrupted by the explosion at Moonrise's table just a few yards away, but she did notice the momentary flicker over Sunny Skies' invisible horn, and smiled.
Sunny Skies slumped back in her seat, defeated. Silently, she picked up her deck and stumbled away from the table towards Moonrise, ignoring the cries of the Cutie Mark Crusaders ("That explosion wasn't even one of ours!" Scootaloo protested. "Can't you tell?!") as Dice Whirl kicked them out of the store.
–
As the day wore on, Rainbow Dash was beginning to reappraise her strategy. In spite of Dash’s best efforts, Fluttershy had dragged her into town on a shopping trip, away from their hotel, away from the beach, and away from Dash’s bed. Rather than napping in the sun, she was being dragged from one store to the next to look at, buy, and carry everything from crystalware to kitchen appliances to automatic horseshoe-fitters for all ages (“For when we have our own family, of course,” Fluttershy had said, and it was the struggle of Dash’s life to not launch into sonic rainboom-speeds immediately).
This was not how she had planned to spend the weekend. Not only that, but if anything Fluttershy seemed to be getting more excited about their upcoming marriage with each passing minute, not less.
“Do you really wanna do all this now, Flutters?” Dash asked. “Don’t you think you should wait until we get back to Ponyville, and let Rarity handle it? You know she’s gonna wanna be in charge of decorating the wedding.”
“Oh, I know she will… I’m sorry, I’m just so excited!” Fluttershy squealed and snuggled up to Dash’s side. “And I just want the wedding to be about us, Dashiebun, so when I saw this porcelain set with the wings engraved around the rim of the plates and the name tags with the rainbow pattern, I couldn’t help but think of you.”
Dash nodded slowly. She needed another plan, something equal or greater in brilliance to the plan that got them here in the first place. She frowned. She wasn’t sure she could be quite that brilliant again so soon. “Fluttershy,” she said, affecting a nervous tone, “I have something else to tell you. Something important.”
Fluttershy turned to face Dash with eyes full of concern. “Oh? What is it, Dashiekins?”
“I… I have an incurable disease. I’m doomed to die young. That’s why I always push myself so hard and don’t care about the risks. Because I know I’m not going to have a future no matter what.”
“Dash…” Fluttershy’s eyes were wobbling, her voice cracking with fear. “What is it? What’s wrong with you?”
“I… I have wing cancer. There, I admitted it!” Dash turned away with a flourish. “I’ve never told anypony before now, but now that you’re here… I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, Fluttershy, but you were just so happy and I couldn’t stand to hurt you! But you need to know.” She slumped forward, sighing. “I know that unless some kind of miracle occurs that cures me completely overnight for no understandable reason, I’m going to be dead in five years. I’ve made my peace with it. But I can’t force you to be there to watch me die. So… I understand completely if you want to break off our engagement and go back to just being friends—” Fluttershy had put her hoof against Dash’s mouth. Tears were welling up in her eyes.
“Dash,” she barely managed to croak. “Listen to me." She took a deep breath and began to speak, and as she spoke her voice gradually grew in strength and confidence. "You’re the bravest pony I’ve ever met, and you’ve always been there for me, ever since we first met at flight camp. You've always put everypony else first, and when somepony needs help you don't even stop to think before you drop everything and rush to their aid. I've had feelings for you ever since we were little, but until you confessed to me this week I always thought you deserved somepony better and stronger, somepony as wonderful as you rather than timid little Fluttershy... But you chose me, and I can never repay you for that!" Fluttershy pulled her fiancee close. "Telling me about your disease and all the pain you've suffered made me understand so much... and that’s why I’m promising you, right now, that you are never going to have to face the world alone ever again, I am never going to let you go into that darkness again…! Because I love you, Dashiesnoo, and no matter what happens we will go through it together!”
Dash was shaking with sobs pushing to escape, and when Fluttershy gripped her in an inescapable hug she could no longer hold them back, and erupted into wild, heaving bawling. “Dammit, Fluttershy,” Dash cried as she clung to her fiancée. “You’re so good to me, I don’t deserve you! I promise I’ll make the time we have together the best it can possibly be!”
It was only after spending several minutes mentally cursing the cruel fates that would cut her life all too short, and vowing to be the best wife for Fluttershy that anypony could be in the brief time they'd have together, that Dash remembered that she had made it all up.