The Harmony Thief

by DamagedQ

Chapter 4

You look over to Luna, almost as confirmation of what you just heard, and she nods hesitantly, and it’s painfully clear that she had known this was coming. You turn your attention back to Celestia, “What?”

“I said, we need to talk,” Celestia repeats with the same unfaltering, polite manner.

“Er- … what about, your majesty?” you ask worriedly.

“Well, first, let me see your saddlebags.” Your apprehension only grew from that point onward.

Oh, no. The necklace. How could she know? Impossible!

You open your mouth instantly to respond, but only mumble something inaudible before closing it again.

“Don’t worry, you can have them back. I would just like to see them for a moment,” she reassures you, even though it’s not reassuring in the least.

Nevertheless, you hesitantly remove your saddlebags and the princess takes ahold of them with her magic.

You watch as she carries it closer, as if it were a metaphor of your fleeting freedom. The familiar form of telekinesis brings back memories of Luna’s similar abilities, with which she was able to pick you up for several seconds.

Luna was definitely fun to hang around with, and she seemed not to be completely against you. There was a definite possibility that she was doing this on purpose, maybe to give you a false sense of comfort so that you wouldn’t resist authority as much. A ‘good-cop, bad-cop’ situation, in a sense.

Whether it was false comfort or sincere comfort, it was comfort nonetheless, and that put your mind somewhat at ease. It was a shame that you were going to be tossed back in the dungeon any second now, losing the chance to get to know her better.

“It’s good to see that you haven’t anything in here, although I suppose only a fool would try to steal something under such intense scrutiny,” she said with a hint of what might be hope. You pursed your lips together as you prepared to shout random apologies, but then your mind began to process the words she had just spoken.

“S-sorry, could you repeat that?” you ask cautiously. According to her, your saddlebags are empty, but you know that they’re not.

Or, at least, they shouldn’t be.

“It’s a good sign that your saddlebags are still empty. Perhaps you won’t be as difficult to deal with as I previously determined.”

“Yeah…” you reply in a daze, too confused to be offended. “Well, what else do you wish to discuss, Princess?” you continue as she returned your saddlebags.

You take a quick glance inside before placing them back to make sure that Celestia was correct, and sure enough, there was no necklace. It was empty.

You glance over at Luna to see what she was doing, but she kept an unreadable expression. The princesses were experts at disguising their thoughts and feelings, but you figure that should be expected from century’s old royalty.

“The crime rate concerning theft has become essentially non-existent over the past several years,” Princess Celestia begins. “After so long, I’m surprised that there are still ponies, forthrightly… like you, around.” Feeling that this conversation may be very important to your own future, you choose your next words carefully.

“I am not the same as what most other ponies would call thieves. My profession more closely resembles what somepony might call art.” Even from behind the two sisters’ expertly crafted poker faces, you can sense the slightest bit of interest.

They pause for a moment before Celestia urges you to continue, “Please, explain.”

“W-well… all of the elements which go into art go into my profession. Inspiration, fantasy, inventiveness, ambition, and even the same practice and perfection go along with it as well. To an outsider, such as yourself, it sounds ridiculous to speak of the vocation of a thief, doesn’t it?”

“I suppose it does,” Celestia replies, looking slightly engrossed.

Thankfully, she does not outwardly appear upset, but more as though she wishes to hear more. Luna looks to be in a similar state of mind, silently pondering everything you say.

“For example, a pickpocket’s profession demands nimbleness and agility, along with keen eyesight and a talent for observation. It’s difficult to master, but the payout is worth the risk if you know what you’re doing.

“And risk is not always a bad thing,” you continue, “One thing I live for is the rush from danger, the fascination of risk. I respect the wellbeing of others, and a thief chooses the profession for this thrill of danger. Money is merely a side benefit that allows you to keep thieving.

“Unless, of course, you’re caught… like me. Only ponies that you think of as thieves, the ponies that we both think of as scum, would declare that money is their only goal.”

Your own speech reminds you of the rush you got from the danger of breaking into the castle, and how it pushed you to go further, and in some cases blinding your ability to be reasonable.

“I assure you I am not one of these ponies, and my point is this. Genius and inspiration, even when not devoted towards the benefit of society, or towards what ponies generally think of as the right thing to do, is still a rare and beautiful thing nonetheless.”

You then wait for a reply, knowing that your time to speak is over and that your fate is in the hooves of the two rulers of Equestria.

You stand before the princesses, growing more on edge every second as they silently deduce you. Eventually, Celestia’s gaze softens and she looks directly at you.

“My sister was right. You are quite interesting,” she states simply.

Her softened gaze is accompanied by a smile and Luna looks slightly relieved. You let a grin sneak back to the corners of your mouth and look contentedly back at the princesses. Princess Celestia seems more comfortable around you right now, which means you’re that much closer to gaining her trust, which is progress.

“Sorry to bother you again sister, but could you please escort him back to his room? I think that’s enough for today.”

“It’s no bother, Tia,” she replies before stepping down from her throne and motioning for you to follow. You comply and the two of you silently leave the throne room. The way Celestia seems to purposely leave you and Luna alone only gives more evidence that the comfort Luna is providing is insincere, but comfort is comfort.

You continue to get glares from guards and workers as you walk through the castle. They obviously don’t appreciate your presence. You decide that they’re just going to have to deal with it for now. It’s not looking like you’re leaving anytime soon. You try to ignore them and focus on the walk back to your room.

“Are you wondering where that necklace went?” Luna asks you softly. You immediately jump when she breaks your concentration, and start to mentally panic once you realize what she had asked you.

“Wh-what are you talking about?” you respond quickly with faux ignorance, avoiding her gaze and wondering how she could have knowledge of the necklace.

“Do you think it just got up and walked away?” she asked with a smirk, “I put it back where it belongs.”

You look over at Luna confusedly as you try to figure out what’s happening.

“I helped you this time, but don’t think I will next time, so you should really start behaving from now on,”

You figured it’d be pointless to ask ‘how’ or ‘when,’ but there was still one question that needed to be answered.

“Okay… but why help me at all?”

“You’re interesting. I like you. I can’t just have you thrown in the dungeon so soon,” she replied, comforting you a little, “but like I said, I can’t keep helping you out. You’re going to have to learn to control yourself.”

Could this all be a ruse to make you behave? Or is she really sincere? You decide to agree, but whether you would actually follow through with your promise, however, is a decision for later.

“Yeah, I think I could try to do that.”

The next morning was rather uneventful, which was odd because you were used to being rudely awakened by the guards. Waking up when the sun was bright was nice. Maybe it was due to pleasing Celestia yesterday with your ‘empty’ saddlebags.

You lie in your bed and stare up at the ceiling for several minutes before somepony knocks on your door. You groan as you sit up and swing your lower half off of the bed. You expertly fall forward and land on all four hooves before walking towards the door. You open it slowly, expecting to find a guard or two on the other side. Such was not the case. You open the door fully to reveal, much to your surprise, a bright pink unicorn. Oh wait… are those wings? Correction: a bright pink alicorn.

“Hello?” you ask, only slightly surprised by your new guest.

“Good morning, I’m Princess Cadence. My husband and I need some help setting up for the gala and Princess Celestia told me that I could borrow you for the day,” she explains with a rather friendly smile.

“Of course she did,” you mutter to yourself, “Well, uh… yeah sure. Just... tell me what to do, I guess.”

“Great,” she replies cheerfully, “Follow me.”

 “So… What’s all this?” you ask as you look over the large bags piled in the corner. She had led you to a strange, small room deep inside the castle.

“We send out many invitations to the gala from the castle, and we need to know how many ponies are attending,” she explains, “you need to go through each letter and make a tally of every pony that sent an RSVP.”

You approach the bags of letters. There were at least ten pony-sized, black, plastic bags stacked in a pile. The room appeared to be some sort of mail room, almost like you would see in the back of a post office.

“My husband, Shining Armor, should be here shortly to help out,” she said as she made her way to the door.

“Okay, cool,” you reply disinterestedly.

You’re now alone in what you have designated the ‘Mail Room’, so you decide to get started on the letters. You sigh and leisurely canter over to the nearest bag. Seeing no other entertaining means of opening the bag, you grab a nearby letter opener and cut it open with an over exaggerated slash. Smiling to yourself, you set the dull blade to the side and watch as the letters slowly pour out onto the floor.

“I hope you plan on picking all that up,” a voice came flatly from behind. You quickly turn your head to see a white unicorn stallion standing in the doorway. His voice sounded young but experienced, an unusual combination among ponies.

“Yeah, whatever,” you reply nonchalantly, picking up one letter and placing it on the table before you. You fumble with it before successfully tearing it open with your teeth. You quickly glance over it.

Well, that was simple enough. You grab a nearby pen and the discarded envelope to use as scratch paper and make two tally marks on it. A few more letters pass in silence as both you and the white unicorn work.

“So, you’re the criminal,” he finally says.

You glance up for a moment and stare at him before looking back down at what you’re doing.

“I don’t like criminals,” he continues casually. You sigh and pause for a moment before replying.

“You are Shining Armor, correct?” you reply ungratefully.

“Yes, I am. Captain of the Royal Guard.”

Congratulations, asshole.

You introduce yourself, extending your hoof. Unsurprisingly, he doesn’t take it and you retract it awkwardly.

“Yup,” he replies, looking down at the next letter he decides to pick up. You sigh and continue working in silence.

The tedious work goes along like this for a while. It’s boring as hell, but it’s not as if you have a choice. You consider speaking up more than a few times, but the idea of silence rather than disagreement wins every time. This goes on for the next couple of silent hours, until the letters are finally finished.

“Okay, now count the tally marks on my paper and add them to yours,” he says once there are clearly no letters left.

“Why should I have to do that? Why don’t we each count our own?” you ask indignantly.

“Because you’re the one being forced to do this,” he replies, “I’m only doing this as a favor for my wife.”

There is a short pause before you decide.

“No.”

“What?” he asked, though it was obvious that he heard you.

“Hard of hearing? I said no,” you repeat coldly.

The next thing you know, you’re rolling out of the room with Shining Armor, both giving and receiving kicks and punches. You land a good punch to the right side of his face before he gives a well-timed kick with his hind legs to launch you off of him. You land a few feet away and neither of you get up for a few moments. You both lie there, panting somewhat heavily.

As you painfully sit up, an idea creeps its way into your mind. You glance over to the table with the letters, spotting the letter opener sitting out. Before Shining Armor can recover, you sprint towards it and pick up the weapon in your mouth.

You run and slash at him, but he’s already recovered and standing by the time you do. He dodges, and you throw another forehoof up to strike his face.

Apparently, he had the same idea as you, and you both punch each other at the same instant. You’re both once again flung onto the floor, with you on top, before a feminine screech comes from somewhere nearby.

“What are you doing!?” the feminine voice cries.

You turn your head towards the distressed sounding voice. Big mistake. He lands a punch to your jaw while you’re distracted, and you are forced to climb off of him and take a few steps away. He doesn’t follow, so you figure that he’s preoccupied with whoever’s voice that was. You wobble around for a bit before nearly collapsing.

You lean up against the wall for support as you hear the feminine voice reprimanding Shining Armor. And possibly you as well, but if she is, you don’t really care.

After you recompose yourself, you’re suddenly yanked across the floor by your tail. You flail around for a minute before realizing that Luna was holding you in her magic.

“I hope he didn’t cause too much trouble, Shining,” she apologizes quickly before dragging you close to her and teleporting you away in a flash of light.

There were a few moments of darkness before you suddenly reappear in a large bedroom. You look around and see a repeating theme of purple and indigo colors. From the way the room looks, you easily deduce that it is Luna’s private quarters.

“Explain yourself,” Luna immediately demands. You take a few seconds to recover from the teleportation before replying.

“He was being an asshole-…!”

“Enough!” she bellowed, loudly enough for you to lose any and all hope of convincing her. You cower away just slightly as she glares straight at you.
“Now, I’ll give you one more chance. Explain to me what happened,” she said much more quietly.

“He was making fun of me. He called me a criminal and…” You pause and think about what you just said.

“So what? You are!” she reminds you coldly. “He’s the head of security around here, the Captain of the Royal Guard. Whether you feel he’s being nice or not, he has the right to order you around.” You reassume your default emotionless stare and don’t respond.

“I’m going to have to explain this to Cadence and Celestia. I’ll try to make it sound as good as possible for your sake,” she grumbled, “It’s really hard to keep you from getting locked up, you know that?” she asks indignantly. You remain silent.

“Why can’t you just be good?” she mumbles, looking down and giving the floor a hard stare.

“The good die young, Luna,” you say softly, smirking to yourself, before she glances back up at you.

“Don’t leave your room until I come and get you,” she says before a flash of light cuts off your reply. You feel the familiar feeling of having your body disassembled and put back together inside your room.

You groan and then sigh before climbing onto your bed and folding your arms behind your head. You stare at the ceiling for a few minutes before closing your eyes and sighing again.

A knock at the door interrupts your rather peaceful sleep. You decided not to answer it, just to see what would happen. There are several more knocks before you hear a frustrated groan. You stare at the door, wondering if whoever it was on the other side was ready to knock it down or something. Such was not the case.

In a split second, there was a flash of blue and purple at the foot of your bed, and Luna suddenly materializes in its spot. You let out a yelp and jump a little, sitting up on the bed.

“So, you are awake,” she notes with a raised eyebrow.

“My bad, I was too slow, I guess,” you say, closing your eyes and leaning back again.

“Get up,” she sighs, levitating you off of the bed and setting you on the floor. You get to your hooves before she continues. “Shining Armor has agreed to not mention this incident to Celestia, on one condition.”

“That is…?”

“If you apologize.”

“Nope.”

Luna holds a deadpan expression until you decide to change your mind.

“I… uhh…”

Her stare is burning now, you should probably hurry up.

“Okay, fine! I’ll apologize!” you eventually concede.

“That’s what I thought. Come,” she says, unlocking and opening the door before walking out. You hesitate before she turns back to address you.
“Now,” she adds sternly.

You quickly step out of the room and shut the door. You walk next to Luna as she leads you to wherever she’s going. Maybe by the time you get there, you’ll muster up the courage to apologize.

It was a long walk to the couple’s room, and you arrived after about ten long minutes of silence. You could tell that you were getting close by the way Luna slowed her pace and began looking at each door, probably for some familiarity. The doors were spaced a good distance apart, so you could only assume that the rooms behind them were rather large.

“Okay, were here,” she says, stopping before one of the doors. “You better apologize,” she warns, turning around to face you directly.

“Or else what?” you ask curiously, wondering what she would do to you if you refused. She sighed and bent her neck slightly to get eye level with you before leaning forward. Before you had any idea what was going on, her lips were on yours.

However, it didn’t last long enough for you to get over the initial surprise, and you’re struck speechless, with a blank, wide-open stare as she retracts and opens her eyes. She clears her throat before addressing you again.

“You are going to apologize, aren’t you?” she asks primly.

Your only response is to slowly nod your head. You couldn’t wrap your mind around what had just happened. Luna then knocks on the door, and the next instant there is a reply in the form of a familiar pink alicorn opening the door. You look down at the floor so you don’t have to see any of her recent feelings towards you.

“Good afternoon, Luna. And to you as well,” she says, nodding towards you, in an unpredictably cherry voice. You lift your head to see the same happy alicorn, seemingly unchanged since you last saw her.

“It’s nice to see you, Cadance,” Luna replies before Cadence turns around to call for her husband.

“Shining! Come here for a moment, will you?”

“Sure honey, just give me a moment,” he called back. Oh, that voice… detestable.

You could hear hoofsteps approaching the door until you saw the Captain of the Royal Guard himself. He’s a little surprised when he sees you, and you realize now that it was his wife that had made the deal to keep this a secret and not him. The four of you stand in silence for a few moments before you’re nudged by the blue alicorn to your left. You glance over quickly and she has an eyebrow raised expectantly. You clear your throat and look up to Shining Armor.

“I just want to say…” You force out the words as if their taste is dreadful, “I’m sorry for what happened this morning… It was out of line.”

There’s a short silence, in which you feel like vomiting, until he finally speaks.

“Y-yeah, thanks…” he says softly.

He too is nudged by the alicorn standing next to him and hesitates a bit before continuing.

“I wasn’t acting as professional as I should have been either, I suppose.”

“I suppose we got off on the wrong foot,” you speculate.

“Yes, definitely. Maybe we could… start over?”

“Sure… sounds good,” you reply, still unsure of whether you like the idea or not.

You glance over to Cadance, who looks rather pleased with herself.

As you finish your sentence, thankfully, faint hoofsteps resonate throughout the hallway. They quickly get louder until you spot a familiar shade of purple and a friendly face.

“Hey, Shiny. Oh, I didn’t expect to see you here too,” Twilight glances at you as she approaches the group.

“You, uh… know this guy, Twilight?” you ask.

“How do you know him, Twily?” Shining Armor asked before Twilight could answer your question. You give him a slight glare before looking back to Twilight.

“Of course I know him, he’s my brother,” she answers you first.

What

She then looks back to answer Shining Armor, “I was hanging out with him and Luna the other day.”

“You were… hanging out with him?” he asked, looking a bit angry for one moment and then docile again the next. You couldn’t pass up this chance; you had to rub this in his face.

“Yup, we were,” you say casually, “but that’s fine, ‘cause we’re cool now, right? Starting over and whatnot?” you ask him with a smirk.

He pulls off a face that’s a cross between irate and horrified before retreating behind his poker face again.

“Oh, yeah. It’s fine by me,” he replies between gritted teeth with his eyes squinted menacingly at you.

“It was nice talking with you, but we should really get going now,” Luna says hastily, taking a few steps away from the door and yanking you a little. Cadence says farewell to Luna and the two of you begin walking away before you can ruin the apology you just made.

“Later, Twilight!” you call back over your shoulder.

“See you later,” she replies happily. You hear an angry huff from Shining Armor and you snicker a bit before Luna elbows you lightly.

As you walk back, your mind drifts back to the kiss she gave you before you apologized. So, you guess she may actually like you, and in a romantic way, nonetheless. You pause for a moment when you reach the door to your room and look over to Luna.

“L… Luna?” you stammer, simultaneously trying to think of what to say next.

“Yes?” she replies softly, glancing over at you. You blush a little when you make eye contact, but you quickly break it and look at the ground.

“Why did you… do that?” you ask awkwardly.

“I had to make you leave, you were about to ruin the clean slate you just created between you and Shining Armor,” she replies a little indignantly.

“No, no, not that,” you reply quickly, “I mean the thing you did before we talked to Shining Armor.” There’s short pause while she processes your words.

“Oh…” she says in understanding. Luna blushes and looks down as you look back up at her, “Yeah, there’s that… it was just some incentive. It worked, didn’t it? Anyways, it’s getting late now, you should go to sleep,” she continues, opening the door to your room and practically shoving you inside.

You look back at her as she shuts the door in your face and stare at the door for a moment before sighing and turning back around. You climb into your bed, utterly confused, and close your eyes. As you lay there, you realize how unruly you mane has been recently. You should probably take a shower soon.