Meanwhile, in the imaginary world of Equestria inside Princess Luna’s head, Applejack is happy.
“So ya did all that work… for me?” Applejack asked her brother, she had a new found admiration for Big Mac.
Big Mac lowered his head with a sigh. “Eeeeyup.” He felt ashamed that he failed after all that effort he put in.
“Err…Luna?” Celestia whispered to her sister.
“What Celery?” she whispered back, giddy with excitement.
“This all seems rather unnecessary. Don’t you think using the Animus would have been a lot easier and quicker?”
This sudden realisation dawned on Luna, which was signified with a facehoof. “I forgot we had one of those…”
“Is it still too late to go back and use it instead?”
“There’s no point now. We might as well keep going this way. Besides, the Animus takes AAAAGES to calibrate. And with an Earth Pony it will take even longer.”
“Good point.” Celestia stretched her aching limbs and ruffled her wings, the hours of endless standing had taken its toll on her muscles. “Shall we?”
“Certainly Celery. There’s no time like the… present? When the hay would you call when we are?”
“How am I supposed to know? This is your head!”
“… Good point.” With that, Luna did a little magic and accelerated a few days.
– A –
The two Apples were getting on well with the apple harvest, they were more or less back on schedule. Applejack seemed to perk up considerably over the next few days, her concentration had improved massively. But she was still acting strange, not that Big Mac would ever notice. She would often stare at him while she kicked a tree, or sometimes stop for half a minute to watch him his mighty muscles flexing as he brought his hind legs down hard against the trunk of an apple tree, giving her a strange pleasurable feeling across her body.
Oh Celestia, Ah could just watch him all day. Look at them big, strong muscles straining against that coat. She had to bite her lip to stop her making any kind of sound at the thought and image of Big Mac, even though her brother would have been oblivious to anything like that.
I can’t believe Ah’m thinkin’ like this about mah brother! But it ain’t fair to put me in a town full of queers and make him the only straight colt! And to make him look that good’s jus addin’ insult t’ injury. Maybe… he’s thinkin’ the same thing. An’ who could blame him? Just once can’t be that bad, and it ain’t like it’s illegal or anythin’…
It was now three days since Big Mac had gone in search of a colt for his sister, he thought his worries were over and that she had just gotten over it herself, somehow. Little did he know it was about to get weird.
It was coming to the end of a hard day’s work and Applejack and Big Mac were making sure they had collected all the apples and bucked each tree.
“How ya doin’ over there Sis?” Big Mac called out as he approached the orange Pony.
“Ah’m doin’ just fine,” she shouted back as she kicked her last tree and began to collect the apples which had missed the buckets.
“Ah’ll help ya,” Big Mac yawned, he was getting very tired. He started to bend down to pick up the apples with Applejack. It didn’t take long.
“Hey AJ, ya missed one.” Big Mac pointed to the final apple of the day.
“Oh… did Ah?” Applejack said as if it was done on purpose. She turned to the apple and bent down, spreading her hind legs unnecessarily far apart, her tail rose slightly, and her hips swaying slowly from side to side. Her neck bent elegantly as she grasped the stem of the apple delicately between her teeth. Not once did she break eye contact with the unbelievably confused Big Mac, who just looked at her with terror in his eyes. If anypony else was looking at her that moment in time they would be on her faster than any word being said.
Applejack finished her graceful manoeuvre with a little toss of the apple into the bucket and a flick back of her mane. She winked at him.
There was a long pause where Applejack waited, with an alluring smile and a glint in her eye, for Big Mac to exit his stupefaction.
“Err…” he managed to get out.
“Yeah, big brother?” she managed to say even that with a seductive voice.
“Ah-Ah… gotta go,” Big Mac said quickly. He turned and galloped out of Sweet Apple Acres.
– A –
“TWILIGHT!” Big Mac shouted as he crashed through the door of the Library.
Twilight, hearing the noise, ran from her study and into the foyer.
“Big Mac! What’s wrong?” her voice quivered, she was terrified of the possibilities of what would cause Big Mac to shout like that.
“It’s Applejack,” Big Mac said while panting.
“Oh sweet Celestia what’s wrong with her?”
“She… she…” Big Mac couldn’t believe what he was about to say. “Ah think she was tryin’ t’ seduce me.”
Twilight sighed with great relief. “Phew. Is that all?”
Big Mac gave a contemptuous look. “What d’ya mean, is that all?!” he shouted angrily.
“Oh sorry… yeah… I wasn’t paying much attention. You said she was trying to seduce you?”
Big Mac nodded sheepishly.
“Are you sure?” Twilight doubted him greatly. “I know you’re not one for subtlety.”
“Trust me, Ah’m sure.”
“Really? Wow, she must have been really trying hard. What did she do?” her voice was surprisingly curious and eager to hear.
Big Mac didn’t know how to explain, so he preformed the action himself. (All the observing Ponies laughed, except for Big Mac who just blushed with embarrassment).
Twilight suppressed a giggle. “I figure Applejack did it far sexier, no?”
Big Mac did not know how to answer this question. It was true that Applejack did do it sexier than him, but if he admitted it he felt it would make it seem like he was attracted to his sister. He didn’t want to do that, so he just stared blankly at Twilight.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
Big Mac grimaced.
“This is a problem. I never thought Applejack would try it on with her own brother.” Twilight was lost in her own mind for a second before coming back with a thought. “But I suppose… it makes sense.”
“What?!” Big Mac was shocked by this.
“Well, she does live in a town where there are nothing but homosexual colts, except you, of course. And she does spend her entire time with you. It was only a matter of time before her sex drive would think you were a viable partner.”
“What should Ah do, Twilight? Ah’m worried for her.”
“You need to search for a partner.”
“But Ah tried everypony, they are literally all gay.”
“Well surely they wouldn’t mind just for one time to do what’s… biologically expected?”
“Ah could try, Ah suppose. There’s no harm in that.”
“Good. Now go and find a colt to satisfy your sister’s mare-ly needs.”
Big Mac nodded and ran out of the Library to restart his search.
Twilight followed him with her eyes and walked to the open door. “Keep me up to date!”
– A –
Applejack was pacing around her room, thinking furiously and talking to herself. Fortunately nopony else was in the house, otherwise they would have been mortified.
“So… how in Equestria am Ah goin’ t’ get Big Mac to agree to do that with me? Ah doubt he ever has trouble with all this pent up energy inside o’ him, there’s plenty of straight mares out there to pick from. And Ah’m pretty sure the gay ones wouldn’t mind him getting involved every so often.
“Now, back t’ the problem at hoof, there must be a way to convince him. If only Ah could get him nice an’ drunk… then he would agree to anything…” Applejack thought hard for a second before something clicked.
“O’ course! Pinkie Pie’s Summer Bash! She always holds one after the Summer Sun Celebration! And there will be plenty t’ drink, as usual. That’s how Ah’ll get him in the sack!” Applejack jumped in the air in a celebratory fashion.
– A –
Luna turned to face Applejack; the smugness on her face was unbearable.
“I told you it was your fault.” Luna smiled maliciously.
“No it’s not,” Applejack said sternly, although her voice faltered; she knew she had been defeated.
“You can’t be serious. We just saw you plan your seduction.”
“That don’t mean anythin’! Who knows what could happen next?”
“So are you saying that you are not going to admit it and insist that we watch the rest of this?”
“Eeeeyup.”
Luna sighed. “If you insist.”
Luna jumped forward to the next day, at approximately noon.
– A –
g Mac traipsed back into Twilight’s Library, his mood was heavy and his head was hung down with weariness and defeat.
“Twilight?” he called out quietly, he was too tired for any enthusiasm.
“Big Mac? Are you okay?” Twilight replied just as quietly, she was stood in front of him, which he didn’t realise.
“Yeah… Ah’m fine.”
“How’s the search going?”
“Not well. Ah can’t find nopony for Applejack. None of them gay colts even considered helping her out.”
“Really? Why not?” Twilight said angrily. “They would be lucky to have her.”
“Yeah, yeah… Ah tried to tell ‘em that but they still said no. some even said they found the idea of laying with a mare disgustin’.”
Twilight was confused by this. “But… that’s what it’s for.” She gestured wildly in the direction of Big Mac’s back half.
“Ah know, Ah know. But Ah ain’t gonna force nopony t’ do what they don’t want t’.”
“Well okay then. But that limits your options severely.” Twilight started pacing around to allow her mind to work. “What if…” she started.
“What?” Big Mac asked hopefully.
“Nah. It’s stupid.”
“C’mon Twi, Ah’m desperate here.”
“Well… you could ask… Mr Cake?”
Big Mac gave her a judgemental look. “But he’s married.”
“I know! But you never know, maybe you could make a deal with them?”
“But it’s so weird.”
“Do you remember what your own sister tried to do yesterday?”
“Oh yeah,” he laughed nervously. “Okay, Ah’ll see what the Cakes say.”
Half an hour later.
“Twilight. Ah’m back,” Big Mac’s voice was just as heavy before.
“That doesn’t sound very good. I guess it didn’t go too well with the Cakes?”
“No. not at all.”
“Why?”
“Well Mr Cake is kinda old fashioned and was insulted by the mere idea of it. He even threatened to kick me out.”
“Okay, what did you actually say to him?”
“Y’see, Ah walked in there and, fortunately, they were both there and all on their own, so Ah asked them if they wouldn’t mind Mr Cake… y’know… with Applejack. Mr Cake was furious, he didn’ shout ‘cause the twins were nearby, but he even swore at me.”
“Mr Cake swear? I don’t believe that.”
“Well he did. So after that Ah tried t’ get all business like an’ offer them apples an’ whatnot, but he said no and that he would never cheat on his wife. So in the end Ah said that Ah doubt Applejack would mind if they both gave it a go, seeing as that would get the cheatin’ out o’ the picture.”
“And what did they say to that?”
“Mr Cake kicked me out after some more harsh words. But when Ah saw Mrs Cake, she seemed incredibly eager.”
“What?” Twilight laughed a little. “I can’t imagine her ever…”
“Me neither. But what do Ah do know? Ah’m out of ideas and Ah’m getting’ worried.” Big Mac fell to the floor and buried his face in his hooves.
Twilight knelt down beside him. “Oh don’t worry Big Mac. We will find a solution.” She rubbed his back affectionately. “Now Big Mac, cheer up. It isn’t that bad.”
“What are you talking about?! My sister is tryin’ t’ seduce me!”
Twilight pressed her hoof against his lips. “Ssh, ssh, ssh, ssh. Let’s not talk about that now.” She smiled sweetly at him.
Big Mac looked up at her. They were thinking the same thing.
There was a long pause… where things happened… (Which Luna skipped hurriedly).
“That was much more enjoyable than the other morning,” Twilight said with a content sigh.
“Ah’m still worried about Applejack,” Big Mac said despairingly.
Twilight got a little angry with him. “Is THAT what is on your mind right now?! After we just did…?! Oh sweet Celestia, you weren’t thinking of her when we… were you?!”
“Oh HAY no!” Big Mac shouted back to her, he didn’t realise the implications of what he said earlier. “Ah was just thinking that now. Ah still need t’ help her, an’ Ah’ve ran outta colts.”
Twilight calmed herself, now wasn’t the time for anger. “Well Big Mac, there is still one untapped reserve in Ponyville.” Twilight winked at him, hoping he would get her implications, which was an idiotic thought as Big Mac wouldn’t have understood her in a million years.
“But there ain’t no mines or anythin’ like that fer miles an’ miles.”
Twilight facehoofed, she wouldn’t have thought he would be so far off. “Mares, you ignoramus! MARES! MARES EVERYWHRE! All ripe for the picking!”
“Are you saying Ah should get mah sister a mare to help her out?”
“Yeah! Think about it, this town is full of an inordinate amount of gay colts, it only stands to reason that there is a large number of gay mares. And have you SEEN Applejack? I doubt any mare could resist that flank!”
Big Mac gave her the Unicorn a curious look. “Twilight, do you… wanna… Applejack?”
“What? That wasn’t even a sentence.” Her mind clicked. “Oh. Oh Celestia no! That would be far too weird!”
“But the way ya were talkin’ made it sound like… ya had a thing for her…”
“What? So a mare can’t compliment another on their sex appeal?” she tried to sound insulted to stop Big Mac’s thoughts, but failed.
“Ah’m not sayin’ that, but you were talkin’ rather passionately about her.”
“Nah! No I wasn’t.”
“Ya kinda were.”
“Well…” Twilight giggled nervously. “I guess… I wouldn’t particularly mind… but it would be weird.”
“As weird as her sleepin’ with her brother?”
Twilight contemplated this incredibly briefly. “How about, if you can’t find anypony… I could… volunteer?”
“Are you sure? ‘cause Ah don’t wanna impose.”
“J-just go and find somepony else, I’ll be fine, it’s no imposition.”
“Alright, if yer sure.” Big Mac headed for the door to the library. “Is there anypony Ah should try first? Ah’d rather get this over an’ done with quickly.”
“Berry Punch is usually up for things. Or so I hear,” Twilight added quickly.
– A –
Big Mac approached Berry Punch’s house, it didn’t seem, like anypony was home, but he didn’t let this deter him. He knocked on the door. It took a few knocks and a minute or two but it eventually was answered. The Pony on the other side was a filly who Big Mac assumed was Berry Punch’s daughter, although he was never sure if the rumours were true until now.
“Hi there,” he started awkwardly. “Is… Berry Punch here?”
“Who are you?” the little filly asked acidulously.
“Ah’m Big Macintosh. I was wanderin’ if Ah could talk to… your mother?” he guessed.
“Sorry but no. she isn’t feeling too well. You will have to come back another day,” she spoke with a very authoritative voice for a Pony who looked even younger than Apple Bloom, and was also much better at it than most Ponies.
“Please, just for a minute?”
“No.” The filly slammed the door in Big Mac’s face.
He stood there for a second wandering what had just happened. In this time he could hear a heated discussion occurring.
“Not so loud Sweetie. Mummy has a bad headache,” said a croaky voice.
“I know! You always do after a night out. And I could have told you the same thing last night when you were with that mare. I mean who bounces on their bed for hours on end in the dead of night?!”
“You heard that?!” the mother shouted with horror.
“I think next door could hear it, and we don’t even live in a semi-detached house!”
Big Mac thought this was the right time to leave and so turned and galloped away. Now all he needed to do was found another sexually promiscuous mare, not that he knew any.
– A –
Big Mac was in the market now, he was sure to find a mare here since the entire town seemed to congregate here. His eyes scoped out anypony and everypony, trying to size them up in his mind and to see if they would help Applejack out with her little problem.
“Okay, let’s see,” he said to himself. “Daisy? No, she’s deeply religious, would never go f’ somethin’ like that. Bon-bon? No, she’s with Lyra anyway, Ah doubt she’d want t’ go with Applejack after the much gentler Lyra. Although Ah do know them both t’ like things a bit rougher every now an’ then. And maybe they could both…? Ah’ll keep that in mind.
“Who else? What about Mayor Mare? No, that’s a stupid thought. Ah doubt she wants another scandal hanging above her head right before election time. Carrot Top might work, although Ah doubt she’s Applejack’s type. Aloe and Lotus? No, Ah’ve heard rumours about them. Itchy rumours. And Ah’ve been told not to approach them with this kinda thing in mind.”
A Pony approached Big Mac. “Are you okay sir?”
Big Mac jumped, he hadn’t seen her appear. It was Nurse Redheart.
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” she said apologetically.
“No, it’s alright. Ah was in mah own little world there.”
“I noticed. You seem to be standing perfectly still in the middle of the road, is all.”
Big Mac looked around. He was indeed standing in the middle of the road. “Oh yeah. Ah guess Ah wasn’t payin’ too much attention.”
“That’s okay. But is there anything I can help you with? You seem troubled by something.”
“Ah’m fine, Ah assure,” he said unconvincingly.
Redheart judged him with her eyes. “I can tell when somepony is lying to me, and you are not very good at it anyway by any standard.”
Big Mac tried to convince her some more with a charismatic smile, but in the end he sighed with defeat. “Okay, there is somethin’ troublin’ me.”
“Yes!” Redheart whispered in a celebratory manner, she was happy to get it right for once.
“Excuse me?” Big Mac was slightly insulted by her reaction.
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. C’mon, tell me all about it.” She gestured for him to start talking.
“Ah’d rather not. It’s very personal.”
“Come on, I'm a Nurse! There isn’t anything you can say that I haven’t already heard. And lemme tell ya, there is a lot of weird things that Ponies get up to in Ponyville. Somepony, and I won’t say who, once came into a hospital with a cello bow up their… um… bum.” She giggled childishly at the last word. “She said she fell, but her DJ friend knew what really happened and laughed when she said that.”
“Right… well mah problem is a little different t’ that. It ain’t medical or anythin’”
“Come on, tell us it. Pleeeeeeeeease!” she begged, and then she put on the sad eyes and Big Mac couldn’t possibly say no.
“Alright then.” Redheart squeaked a little and started to bounce with glee. Big Mac looked around to make sure nopony was nearby. He gestured her closer so he could whisper. She leant in, shaking with excitement. Big Mac took another quick glance around him to make sure it was clear. He brought his mouth close to her ear and opened his mouth to whisper, when suddenly something knocked the two of them to the ground.
“Oops. Sorry!” a cheery voice piped up as a large weight was removed from Big Mac’s side. It was Pinkie Pie, carrying supplies for her biggest party of the year.
“Hi Pinkie. How are you?” Nurse Redheart said sarcastically, she really wanted to hear what Big Mac was going to say.
“I'm good thanks. I’ve just been out getting supplies for my Summer Bash! Did you get your invite?” Pinkie asked hopefully.
“You know I did Pinkie, you sang it to me.”
“Of course I did! After all these previous years of you not turning up I thought I had to make sure you get it. But you still haven’t RSVP’d. Are you gonna come?”
“I don’t know Pinkie, last time I went I got really drunk accidentally left with a mare, only to realise she was a patient. I was forced to take a few weeks off work to let the heat die down.”
Big Mac’s heart quickened its pace, this gave him hope that he found somepony to help Applejack. She openly admits to going with a mare, there are no rumours or reasons why she wouldn’t be a good choice, and she was a nurse, any colts’ fantasy. Also she was pretty good looking, Big Mac thought.
“I promise it won’t be like that this time. I will label the drinks much betterly to stop that happening again. Apparently last year Twilight wrote a drunken saucy love letter to Celestia AND Luna, and that didn’t go down well for anypony.”
“I will think about it Pinkie. I'm still not sure though.”
“Well you’d better hurry. It’s only two days away.” She turned to Big Mac. “And what about you Big Mac? I assume you’re coming. You always do!”
“Yeah! Ah would never miss a Pinkie Pie Party!”
“That’s good! I should think you need a rest from your search for a colt!”
Redheart span her attention to Big Mac. “What?!” The face she pulled was one of surprise and mild disgust.
“It’s for Applejack. She’s been feeling a little lonely recently. So Big Mac here has gone to find a colt for her and see if they see if they wouldn’t mind doobling her entendre.”
“Seriously?” Redheart’s face lit up. “Is that what your problem is?” She could have exploded with delight and excitement.
Big Mac nodded slowly.
Redheart and Pinkie laughed.
It was a while before either of them could talk again. “Oh Big Mac,” Pinkie said through the laughs. “Don’t you know you will never find a straight colt here? I'm surprised you haven’t moved onto mares yet.”
Big Mac’s silence spoke volumes.
“Oh Celestia. You’ve been asking mares haven’t you?” Pinkie squealed with laughter. “Is that why you’ve been talking with Nurse Redheart?” Pinkie started laughing again, and so did Redheart, until she suddenly stopped a moment later.
“Hang on. Is that right? Did you want me to sleep with Applejack?” she asked angrily.
“Err…” Big Mac’s voice shivered with terror, Redheart was very angry when she got angry.
“I thought so!” She slapped him and then walked off in a huff.
Big Mac watched her leave, his eyes transfixed on her white flank, swaying appealingly and her tail swishing from side to side with her temper. When she was out of sight an inexorable rage built up inside him which he wanted so badly to direct at Pinkie Pie. If it wasn’t for her pointing it out too soon Nurse Redheart may have agreed to it. He tuned to face Pinkie, but she was gone, all that was left was a trail of streamers and a few confused Ponies in her wake.