The following two days were spent in a flurry.
The Mayor officially introduced me to the town and had me sign multitudes of papers that I couldn’t read. I was fairly well received.
Twilight Sparkle hounded me for information on my old home. She got what little I could remember.
The pink one, whose name I learned was Pinkie Pie, arranged a large gathering with which to welcome me. It was awkward and quiet.
The white Unicorn Pony, Rarity, wanted to sample the antler of my armour to see if she could replicate it. She took the rejection with much more grace than Twilight Sparkle had.
Applejack glared at me.
Rainbow Dash glared at me.
Fluttershy alternated between fretting about the date and fretting about her animals.
Eventually I had to stop Fluttershy from hyperventilating, and told her not to worry and to be herself.
Generic pep-talk.
It was more effective than I had anticipated.
On the eve of her date, Fluttershy washed and brushed herself before putting on a light green dress. Then she took it off and put on a yellow dress. Then she took that one off and tried a soft blue gown. This went on for a few hours.
She settled on the first green dress with a straw hat.
In the minutes before Big Macintosh arrived, Fluttershy was puttering about the living room of her cottage. When the knock finally came, she froze and almost bolted upstairs before I caught her and walked her over to the door before setting her down.
She stared at the door for a moment before cracking it open.
After I watched them exchange a bit of shy stuttering and quiet mumbles, I shooed Fluttershy out the door and closed it, resigning myself to a night alone with Angel.
Also known as ‘That Cheating Fuzzbutt.’
ΨΨΨ
Three hours and five games of a game called ‘Whinniesippie Stud’ later, Angel had won a large stack of assorted vegetables and nuts from myself, a raven, and a blue jay. I’m still not quite sure how the two birds managed to play cards.
Angel had packed up his new trove and began gathering the cards together when we heard talking through the door. He jolted upright and a sheaf of aces fell out of his ears. I glared his little tail off and swore to expose him to the two birds he’d swindled.
Before I could reprimand him, Fluttershy floated through the door and wafted over to the couch before settling with a satisfied sigh.
“I take it the date went well?” I asked, walking over to sit in front of the couch.
“Oh, it was very nice.”
“I certainly hope so. Care to share the experience with me?” I grinned.
“I, um, I’m not sure. It’s just… He was so romantic and polite; he offered to share his garlic bread with me after I’d finished my own basket. He’s such a gentleman.” Fluttershy sighed again. I knew that Big Macintosh had been a good choice.
Then I got a whiff of her breath.
From the sound of two thumps and a retch, the animals had smelt it as well, and were much less tolerant of the smell of decay and death than I.
“On second thought, you must be tired. Go on up to bed, and we can talk tomorrow morning. Or afternoon.” As long as it’s after you’ve brushed your teeth.
“Oh, of course. I’ll just leave you boys to finish your game.”
And with that, she wafted up the stairs to her room like the essence of hardship. Surrounded in awfulness, but with a concentrated mass of goodness at the center.
I nearly passed out as she went by. Angel was not as lucky. He was swept into Fluttershy’s fetlocks and directly into ‘ground zero’ of the halitopocolypse. She brought him with her to bed, whereupon the door and windows shut, sealing all but the smallest leaks of the miasma into Fluttershy’s room.
The next morning, the entire cottage smelt faintly of garlic. I was already awake and cleaning up after my game: Cards, feathers, fur and errant seeds, when Fluttershy opened the door to her room.
A nigh-visible wave of stagnant garlic-and-morning-breath cocktail rolled down the stairs. Sensing their impending doom, every critter in the house scrambled to escape to the safety of the field beyond the fence of Fluttershy’s property.
Due to my exponentially longer legs and honed reaction time, I was able to merely mosey my way out to the field. However, merely because I was able didn’t mean I did. I bolted and was standing beyond the perimeter before any of the other animals could exit the building.
After a lengthy airing-out of the cottage and profuse apologies by Fluttershy, the day resumed as normal. Animals were fed, tea was made, and a few curious Ponies wandered by to stare at me on their time off.
One of them tossed a peanut at me. I spared them a mild glare before giving the nut to a nearby squirrel.
Night fell, dinner was had, and the day ended.
The next day was the same. I swiftly became bored with nothing to do but feed animals and tolerate spectators. Halfway through the afternoon, I asked Fluttershy to teach me about the local currencies and monetary values. It was merely a cursory overview, enough for me to gather that the bit is a wholly underdeveloped and ungainly currency and that bartering was still the major form of trade.
The day after that went much like the last, only that evening I learned about the value of a bit and how it was distributed. Certain goods had a minimum bit value, and services should not be compensated for with a bit-value below a certain amount, though this service could be paid for in goods or an equivalent service in addition to bits.
Fluttershy suggested that I ask Twilight more about bits, but I countered that I’d ask Twilight when I wanted to know about the entire history behind the bit, its precursors and the interaction of the bit with foreign currency. Fluttershy agreed that that was where the lecture would probably branch to.
Eventually, Big Macintosh managed to lumber by and ask Fluttershy out on another date. After a lot of pauses and stuttering.
It took a few tries, but Fluttershy managed to bring her affirmation within audible volumes.
My time to shine came when neither Pony could think of a suitable location at which to date.
“Wasn’t there a lagoon nearby? You could go swimming together.” I suggested. For some reason that caused Fluttershy to dissolve into embarrassed mutterings.
“But... I… um… don’t have anything to wear to the beach…”
“You don’t wear anything anyway.”
“But, um, it’s for a special occasion, and there’ll be ponies looking at me and at my flank, which a swimsuit will hide, and I might get sunburned, which a swimsuit will protect from, and Angel will get jealous that he didn’t get to play, and all the mares would get jealous and everypony would be splashing and loud and maybe the beach isn’t such a good idea!”
“Fluttershy, it’ll be okay. The date isn’t today- is it?” I looked to Big Macintosh.
“Nnope.”
“The date isn’t today, so you can have one of these ‘swim suits’ tailored for yourself in time for the date. Besides, this beach is a public place from what I could tell, so I can go with you this time. Keep the stares from you two while they ogle the new monster in town.”
Fluttershy immediately leapt to my defense. “But you’re not a monster!”
I sighed and put my hand on Fluttershy’s head, just between her ears. “I know that, and you know that, and I’m pretty sure Big Macintosh knows that- you know that, right?”
“Eeyup.”
“And Big Macintosh knows that, but the rest of your people do not. It hasn’t helped that I’ve stayed here helping you- not that I wouldn’t do it if I couldn’t, but my absence from the public eye does not tell the populace that I can be trusted.”
“I… I suppose you have a point…”
“Excellent. Big Macintosh, we will inform you when Fluttershy has the… appropriate attire for your date to the lagoon.”
“Eeyup. Good bye, Alan. Good bye, Fluttershy.” Big Macintosh and I ‘hoof bumped’ and he kissed Fluttershy’s head, and began his walk back to wherever he went.
Fluttershy almost melted on the doorstep. Then she almost pulled herself together before starting to shake like gelatin.
“Now, now, don’t be like that Fluttershy. We should get you fitted for that ‘swim suit’ of yours.”
“I… I suppose I can go by Rarity’s today.”
“Right, when do we leave?”
“Well, since the animals are fed already, I don’t have anything else to do and- we?”
“Excellent. Lead the way.”
“I, um… okay.”
ΨΨΨ
When we got to Rarity’s shop, the Carousel Boutique, there was a loud squeal and the white Unicorn Pony from my second encounter with the Ponies rushed Fluttershy and started yelling at her. I was prepared to come to Fluttershy’s defense before I realized what she was yelling about.
“Fluttershy, how dare you! You had a date with Big Macintosh Apple, and you didn’t think to come in for a new dress? You didn’t even think to tell me, did you! Why, I don’t think you told anyone! I had to drag that little tidbit out of Applejack when she came looking for a suit and tie in her brother’s size! I had to suffer through that mare’s awful lying face for five whole minutes before she told me that her brother had a date with you! And really, you had to choose the most eligible bachelor in town to date, didn’t you? Not only do you have the perfect body frame and the silkiest hair, you had to have the perfect colt, didn’t you? Oh, I can just see it now, such lovely little foals with the perfect manes and bodies, raised with a farmer’s work ethic and toning…” Rarity let out a loud gasp. “Why, you’ll be the mother of an entire line of models! Farmer models that know the worth of hard work and won’t get too spoiled! Oooh, Fluttershy, I can’t wait to design your foals’ outfits! Just think of how successful your family will be!”
I watched the entire tirade as it evolved from accusatory teasing to outright fawning. No pun intended. Fluttershy tried to butt in every now and again with a soft “Um,” but she couldn’t get a word in edgewise. By the end, Rarity was draped across Fluttershy’s back in an oddly bipedal swooning position.
Rarity eventually released a massive sigh and righted herself.
“Well, you probably didn’t come to my shop just so that I could fawn over your new relationship.”
Heh heh. That sounds dirty.
“What did you want, Fluttershy, darling? You and your… eh…” Rarity looked me up and down. “Keeper.”
“Oh, um, well, you see, I have another date with Macintosh-”
“WHAT?!”
“And I need a swimsuit so that we can go to the lagoon.”
“Wait, let me get this right, darling. You want a swimsuit to wear on a date with Big Macintosh. Not just any date, but your second date. And you want me to fit you for it?”
“Um, well, we don’t have to get it fitted-”
“Finally! Oh, after all this time, I get to work with your physique again, darling! Oh, it will be glorious; I can see it now, a tight fitting one piece, none of that ridiculous two piece nonsense, in a light blue, maybe cyan, with lovely pink frills on the hems!”
“Um, that sounds lovely, Rarity.”
“And you!” Rarity pointed at me. “Will you be there?”
“Yes. It is a public lagoon, last I checked.”
Rarity gave me a sly look. “Were you there for their first date as well?”
“No. I decided to lose to a bunny rabbit at some card game instead.”
“Well, at least you have some sense of dignity and privacy. Though your judgment in attempting to best Angel at Whinniesippie Stud could be called into question.”
“He cheats. Hides aces in his ears.”
“Ah, that would explain his uncannily high win-loss ratio. Nevertheless, you will be going to the lagoon and, as we have already seen, you have nothing to wear there.”
“Cloth padding is fine.”
“No, no! I insist that I create a swimsuit for you! I’ll have to modify the stallion’s style, of course, but I should be able to whip something up in no time at all!”
“Well, I appreciate your willingness to work in such a new area.”
“Nonsense, it wouldn’t be much different than designing for a minotaur or diamond dog! Though, admittedly, I have never made a swimsuit for either, I’m sure that it will be fabulous! I think a nice forest-y green with a purple trim would suit you. Mm, or perhaps grey and green trim. Yes, that seems more your style. Come, we have fittings to do!”
“Who first?”
“Oh, I’ll work on Fluttershy first. I already have some of her measurements, but I’d just like to make sure the swimsuit will properly showcase her assets.”
Heh heh. That sounds dirty, too.
“I see. I take it that you’ll be spending more time measuring me and modifying designs?”
“Yes, of course. Now, Fluttershy, just stand on this pedestal, here, and I’ll get the swimsuit material.”
As Fluttershy stepped onto the proffered platform, Rarity pulled a roll of extremely light and stretchy cloth from one of the alcoves along a wall with her telekinesis. As she pulled the fabric taut and cut it, pinned it and adjusted it appropriately, Rarity turned to me and began inquiring as to the state of fashion in my home.
“So, I have to assume that strange armour is not the common apparel of your home?”
“It was.”
“Mm, yes, your home with your, eh, deer friends. I understand that part, but what I want to know is if it was fashionable in the towns and cities, the main thoroughfares of civilization.”
“Well, no. The most popular forms of armour commonly available were steel in make, with iron being a close second.”
“No, no, the styles, I want the styles of your people!”
“Well, some of the flashier armours had fluted pauldrons and winged helms, some even going as far as setting carved likenesses of animals on their gauntlets.”
“Ugh, I believe that we are speaking different languages, here. I’d like to know about the cloth, Alan! Clothing of the high classes, society’s most valuable people surely must have worn fine clothes.”
“No, they didn’t.”
“Uh?”
“The noble families of my people were the premier warriors and generals our race had to offer. They wore armour in public. I could not tell you of their private apparel.”
“Mm. So your nobles actually earned their nobility? Weren’t born into it?”
“Oh, yes, they were born into it. The nobles are bound young, so that they can sire as many offspring as they can before dying gloriously in battle. Older nobles become our strategists and sources of much advice. As a result, either a noble family will be perpetually filled with younglings, or will grow to populate every city.”
“My. Your people do have some… interesting tendencies.”
“Oh? And what does your noble class do?”
Rarity snorted in a very unladylike manner. “They grow fat on the work of their servants while throwing rather dull parties in which they meet other affluent families and severely reduce their chances of marrying outside the nobility. Now, I admit, not all of them are so lazy, but a large portion of these nobles are downright horrid.”
“Lazy and useless. Sounds like another set of Ponies around here.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Your so called Royal Guard. I have not seen one instance of a coordinated military force, or even a competent regulatory force. Your guards may as well be statues for all the good they do.”
“Now, that’s not true.”
“No? Did you see the guards attempting to subdue those Timberwolves?”
“Well, they’d gone for reinfor-”
“And Fluttershy’s told me about instances such as Nightmare Moon, Discord, and my personal favourite, the Changeling invasion. Weren’t very effective there, were they?”
“Well, you can’t expect an ordinary Pony to combat these villains, do you?”
“Somae seemed perfectly willing to let you six ‘perfectly ordinary ponies’ fight her battles.”
“Somae? I’m not familiar with that name.”
“Your goddess of the sun.”
“Ah, you mean Celestia.”
“Regardless, she sent her student and a group of strangers to combat the greatest threats to the land. Perfectly normal ponies indeed.”
“Now that’s not fair. We are the embodiments of virtue, conduits of harmonious magic. We are not perfectly ordinary ponies.”
“Did Somae know that when she sent Twilight Sparkle to contain Nightmare Moon?”
“Well, I don’t think so, but-”
“We’re straying from the topic at hand. Royal guards did nearly nothing against these enemies you’ve faced. Ah, but let’s not forget the most recent example of how even you Ponies don’t trust the guards.”
“Really? How do you figure that?”
“Did it never occur to you to tell the guards that a ‘monster’ was holding your friend hostage?”
“I- Well, no I suppose the thought never did enter my mind. We were in a rush, though, you see, and some things may have slipped our minds.”
“Slipped your mind, or never entered into it?”
“I- Mm. Fluttershy, your fitting is done, I’ll sew this together after I’ve measured mister Alan Dehis.”
“Um, alright. Take your time.”
“Alright, mister Dehis, if you could step up to the podium here. Now, I’m sure that you, as a male, might get a little bit nervous about the proximity that I am about to invade, but I assure you that I will be professional and brief.”
“Mmhmm. Just get started.”
“I would, but I could get much more accurate measurements if you, eh, didn’t have your armour on.”
“Ah, right, right.” I began to unstrap my armour and lay it neatly on the floor until I was in only the cloth padding. Rarity gave a close inspection to my helmet.
“Darling, I’m no blacksmith, but this is not made out of any metal that I’m familiar with.”
“Indeed, and it is going to stay that way.”
Rarity gave me what seemed to be a well-practiced pout. “But it’s so smooth and fine, almost like wood! The only thing I can think of that comes close is the Ironbark tree, but we can’t even use that in a forge.”
“Mmhmm.”
“You know, between Twilight and I, we are going to find out what this is made of someday. You may as well tell me now.”
“I’m sure you believe that.”
“Oh, I know so, Darling. But, I suppose that we can shelf this conversation for now. We have fashion to make! Now, merely stand right there, and look straight ahead. Don’t move now, or I might prick you with a needle by accident, or lose one of my measurements.”
I took a tall, straight stance and stood stock still. “Of course. That would be a tragedy.”
“A tragedy of the worst magnitude. Now, I’m going to invade your personal space here, just relax.” Rarity began wrapping a length of rope around various parts of my body with her magic.
“No need. I am accustomed to hooved mammals nosing into my personal space.”
Rarity shot a scathing look towards Fluttershy, who was too busy inspecting a dress on a nearby stand- ponnequin, I was later told- to notice. “Really? How scandalous. Who was it? What happened? Ooh, I do hope that you haven’t been too put off. You must give me the details, darling.”
“Why Rarity, is that jealousy I hear in your voice?”
Rarity scoffed and blustered for a moment as she started pulling swatches of fabric from around her store, pinning it together. “Of course not! While I’m sure that you’ve had your personal space nosed into callously and with little grace, I assure you, I would only do so under professional circumstances, such as now.”
“Yes, I’m sure that your personal space invasion will be infinitely more graceful than that of a curious fawn.”
“I- Ah.”
“You sound as though you were expecting something else?”
“I- Well, never mind. Clearly we have a bit of culture clash here. Alright, Mister Alan Dehis, I’ve got your measurements. Come back in a few hours, I’ll have your swimwear ready for fitting!”
“Oh, thank you Rarity, I’m sure it’ll look absolutely wonderful.”
I grunted an affirmative and began strapping my armour back on. I noticed a few bent pins fall onto the floor and smirked. “Oh, Rarity, one more thing.”
“Hmm?”
I held up one of the destroyed pins. “Next time, clean up the evidence. Wouldn’t want me to know that you’re trying to vandalize my property, now would you?”
“I- Ah- Er, well you see-”
“Come on Fluttershy; let’s leave Rarity to her work.”
“All right. Um, what now?”
“I was thinking of going to Twilight’s library soon. As much as I know about feeding, meeting, mating, breeding and dying, I think that it would be in my best interests to research Equestria’s courting conventions and funeral policies.”
“That’s, um, quite the topic jump, don’t you think?”
“What, romance and death? Mm, I suppose it is, but they’re the most pressing topics on my mind at the moment.”
“O-oh.”
We walked in silence until we reached the library in a tree. I’d been there for a short visit before, in order to read more about the Equestrian Bit.
“Find something to entertain yourself for a while, Fluttershy. If you wander off, I’ll see you at the hut tonight.”
“Oh, you’re not going to, um, impose a distance restriction? Like, within eyesight or earshot?”
“You’re a grown doe- sorry, mare- and we are in the middle of a town. I’m sure that you will be safe.”
“Okay.”
After a small amount of searching and a little help from Spike, I found the books I needed. After a few minutes of reading, I put the books back and noted their places so that I could find them later. I then collected Fluttershy from an alcove in the library and returned to Rarity’s Boutique, where we tried our new swimwear on.
“No.”
“But darling, you look absolutely magnificent!”
“I am on display for any to see. I had expected more coverage, especially with all of the measurements you took.”
“Oh posh, those measurements were merely references for later. Besides, all of the stallions wear this kind of thing.”
“In case you haven’t noticed, I am not a stallion.”
“Mm, no, I can see that quite clearly, now.”
“I suggest something baggier, bigger, and longer. Otherwise, I’ll just go in my cloth undergarments.”
“Oh, humph.” Rarity let out an aggravated huff. She had seen fit to create a form-fitting scrap of stretchy cloth that clung quite tightly to my pelvis and had what seemed to be thin suspenders going up and over my shoulders to tie at the nape of my neck. “Suppose I could add another set around the chest?”
“That’s a good start.”
“And… Mmh, I suppose that your suit could have longer legs.”
“Not form fitting, either.”
“Are you sure? I must admit, you have quite the chiseled figure.”
“I’m sure.”
“Oh… Alright, but only because you’ve threatened to go out in that horrid cloth affair.”
“Good.”
“And you, Fluttershy?”
“It’s… um… I like it.”
“Wonderful! I’ll just let you take that home, then! I’ll get started on Mr. Dehis’s… new attire.” Rarity grimaced sourly. “Come back tomorrow, and it’ll be ready.”
“Excellent. Come Fluttershy, we have half a day to waste. What would you like to do?”
“Wha- um, me?”
“Of course. I’ve been dragging you around all day today; I may as well return the favour.”
“O-oh, I don’t like being in charge. Everypony looks at me, and are silently judging me, and they don’t like what they see.”
“I’ll take your word for it. Back to the animals, I take it?”
“Oh yes, that would be lovely.”
ΨΨΨ
The next day, Rarity had crafted a much looser, bulkier set of pants that reached to my knees with thick suspenders and a strap of cloth that circled my torso. I was much more satisfied with this than that strip of cloth she’d tried earlier. After retrieving the swim suit, and while Fluttershy tended to her animals, I began the long trek to Applejack and Big Macintosh’s farm: Sweet Apple Acres. The walk was invigorating, as I had worn the entirety of my armour along with both of my shields. Applejack was a known antagonist, so I took what precautions I could.
The fact that this was the most strenuous thing I’d done all week irked me. I needed to set up a physical maintenance routine.
The sound of my walk must have been very conspicuous on the farm, owing to its naturally quiet atmosphere and the fact that my armour clinked incessantly each time I took a step. As such, when I came upon a large red barn and a matching house, Applejack was there, along with Applebloom, Big Macintosh and what appeared to be an ancient green Pony on a rocking chair.
“What’chu want here, monster?” Applejack snarled at me.
“To deliver a message to Big Macintosh.” I replied calmly.
“Well, maybe he don’ wanna hear it.”
“If that were true, he would not be here.”
“Ah- Well-”
“Fluttershy has her swimsuit. The next date can occur whenever it is convenient.”
“Swimsuit? Y’all ‘re takin’ her to the lagoon?”
“Problem?”
“Place is a public beach. Ponies‘ll stare an’ gossip. She won’ like that, now will she?”
“I will be going with them to draw attention.”
“As a chaperone, ya mean. I know how you predators are, gotta make sure everythin’s in line.”
“I didn’t chaperone the first date, I have no intention of overseeing this one either.”
“Ya didn’t? Ah just thought y’all were good with camouflage.”
“Oh? Were you there looking for me?” Here, I was subjected to Applejack’s infamous lying face for the first time. It was rather laughable, but years of training allowed me to keep a straight face.
“Uh… Uh… No!” Applejack’s mouth sucked into itself and her eyes began darting from side to side.
“No? Were you there, then, to- as you put it- chaperone?”
“Well, uh, you see-”
“Wait! Big Sis, were you spyin’ on Mac an’ Fluttershy?” Applebloom piped up.
“No!” Applejack yelled defensively, and quailed under Big Macintosh’s silent, disapproving glare.
“Well, lack of scruples notwithstanding, feel free to attend this next date. After all, it is a public beach.”
“Ah- What, really?”
“It only seems fair, as I will be attending myself. Actually…” I put one hand against my chin. “Yes, please do come with us. After all, a monster at the beach will be far less distracting than a monster at the beach while sparring- verbally or otherwise- with one of his biggest antagonists. We’ll draw quite the crowd, you and I, Miss Applejack. Fluttershy and Big Macintosh will go almost unnoticed.”
“Ah don’ like the way ya think, monster, plans an’ manipulation. But… as much as Ah hate the idea o’ workin’ with ya, Ah think ya got a good idea, here. At least Ah’ll be able ta beat on ya for a bit in public.” Applejack cracked a grin that I’m sure would make the average Pony nervous.
“Wonderful. Tomorrow at noon, Big Macintosh?”
“Eeyup.”
“Excellent. I’ll go inform Fluttershy. Sharpen your tongue and practice your kicking, Applejack, I’ll expect at least some challenge tomorrow. Wouldn’t want to disappoint the crowd, now would we?”
“Jus’… Go.”
“Will do. Have a pleasant day, Big Macintosh, Applebloom.”
ΨΨΨ
Fluttershy had not liked my plan, but had conceded that it would make her date somewhat more relaxing. I had decided to forgo my shields for this outing, and felt extremely naked. No armour, no shields, only my wits and strength to protect me.
The beginning of the day had gone as well as expected. Fluttershy and Big Macintosh had settled down for a picnic on the beach, Fluttershy in her small strap of fabric and Big Macintosh in what appeared to be a red and white striped skintight bodysuit, meaning that Rarity had somewhat exaggerated how little covering stallions wore to the beach, and had promptly started rumours and whispers all across the beach. A few Ponies watched me as I wandered, but the focus was on the nervous couple.
Until Applejack decide to find me, of course.
“Monster!”
I turned and watched as Applejack stalked up to me. “Ah, hello Applejack. Have you come to protect the ‘common Pony’ or something similar?”
“Yer durn right Ah am! Ya don’t belong here! Go back ta whatever hole ya crawled out from!”
I tsked at her. “I would, but my hole had a cave in at the entrance. No going back there. Besides, I quite like it here, and I’ve made a few commitments to stay.”
“If yer lookin’ fer a place ta stay, Ah hear Tartarus has enough room for ya!”
“As tempting as that sounds, I hear the commute is simply tragic.” I, of course, had never heard of this Tartarus before, but from the context, I assumed that it was some form of foreign nation or slum.
“Oh trust me, it would be.” Applejack snickered with what passed for an evil grin in a land of bright colours and happiness.
“Why Applejack, was that a threat?” By now, Applejack and I had gathered quite the crowd, and we began circling.
“Well, you know what they say: The only language monsters understand is violence!”
“Well, that should obviously discount my existence as a monster, as I am clearly communicating to you in… oh, what do Ponies call this language again? Equuañol?”
“We might be speakin’ it, but ya don’ seem ta be understandin’ mah message!”
“Really? Care to enlighten me?”
“Gladly!”
With that, Applejack charged at me, eliciting a gasp from the crowd. I did not bother to slip into a battle trance, though I did steady my breathing and began a tempo count.
Applejack planted her hoofs, turned and bucked at my chest. I turned to the side and swept a foot into her foreleg. The unsteady sand, coupled with the momentum from her kick, sent Applejack toppling onto her stomach. I backed up and waited for her to stand.
“Is that all? Not all that much of a message, hardly anything to get so worked up over.”
“Oh, Ah’ll show ya worked up…” Applejack spat and lunged at me.
Applejack’s trajectory put her to tackle my shoulders, so I let her do just that, rolling backwards just before she made contact, allowing her to sail clear over me. As an afterthought, to keep her from impacting the gathered circle of watching Ponies, I grabbed her tail and yanked on it, killing her flight, sending her to the ground again as I stood up.
“So much time on the ground, are you trying to put down roots and become a tree?”
Applejack snarled again. “Your paw was a mule- No offense.”
A mule standing in the center ring of spectators responded. “None taken.”
“And yer maw smelt of elderberries!”
“Oh, truly, that hurt. Petty insults, Applejack? I thought you better than that.” Though I was impressed that she kept her racial awareness so strict.
“I’ll show you petty!”
And so it went. For a few hours, Applejack and I postured and taunted and traded blows, though it had been agreed upon to keep the blows soft and non-lethal earlier. I never initiated the physical combat, though that was a conscious decision of mine as we had begun. It wouldn’t do to be seen as the instigator of this scuffle.
As planned, Fluttershy and Big Macintosh had their fun, frolicked for a bit in the water and ate their picnic in peace and left without making a fuss. Applejack and I continued our heated debate for another hour after they left, and decided to call a temporary truce, seeing as how we were too tired to continue.
By the time Applejack collapsed into the lagoon to cool herself down and I began walking to Fluttershy’s cottage, we were both sweating up a storm and were covered in sand, panting for breath. The circle of spectators had increased its distance from us, partly in fear of getting caught in the fight, but mostly to escape the stench of body odor.
Finally, I lay down on Fluttershy’s carpet after washing myself in the river and donning my cloth and leather padding. Fluttershy expressed her gratitude at some point, but I was too tired to hear her. I quickly fell asleep.
The next morning, as I helped Fluttershy with her morning chores, I asked how the date had gone.
“Oh, it was nice. We ate our lunch and walked along the beach for a while. Nopony bothered us; they were too focused on you and Applejack. You two did such a good job putting on a show. Then we went to eat dinner, but everypony in town was at the lagoon watching you, so we had dinner at Sweet Apple Acres, Big Macintosh cooked for me. It was very delicious. He even asked me for another date!” At this, Fluttershy put her hooves to her cheeks and made a high pitched squealing noise. “We’re going out for dinner again. Oh, but where should we go? Hoofa de Beppo’s again?”
“NO! I mean, uh, why don’t you go to a restaurant that Big Macintosh likes this time?”
“Oh, you’re right, that’s fair. Maybe the date after that, we can do something that Applejack suggests!”
“That’s the spirit, always looking ahead, planning for the future. You’ll make for a good lead mare.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that…”
“I do know. And once you’re herd has been established and you’ve collected a few more mares, maybe you can step down as lead and take up the position of matron. You’d be perfect for that role, the caretaker of the elderly, young and sick.”
“Oh, that does sound nice.”
“Mm, the question remains, though. What other mares would want to join your herd?”
Fluttershy gave me a sly smile, something that I had not expected to see on her muzzle.
“All of them.”