Snowflame tells the story of Spike new manliness, but rather than be impressed, they're shocked. They are peace lovers, what did you expect, a hug?
"So, does this mean that Snowflame is in trouble?"
"In a nutshell, yeah." Applejack would finish bluntly. Spike on the other hand would get smothered, and protected ridiculously, and then blame Discord, Snowflame and the Warrior.
Meanwhile, at the train station....
Twilight: (Realizing the new Spike and the presence of blood) What happened!? Are you okay!? Where did you get those!? (She bombards Spike with so many questions. Spike is now becoming a bit significantly awkward with Twilight going all over him.)
Rarity is enamoured by the treasure, yet slightly put off by the blood. She asks the group where those came from.
The Warrior: It t'was an awesome achievement; a childhood dream of DRAGON SLAYING.
And then the group goes all WHAT! Twilight begins to fret, Spike reminds her of his maturity, Rarity faints on her fainting sofa, which she brought with her, Applejack and Rainbow is stunned, with Rainbow muttering "So...Awesome..." Pinkie... MIGHT get depressed, excited, or want to throw a "Dragon Slayers" or a "Hooray-you're-alive" party; maybe both. Fluttershy is torn between fear of Dragons, killing of animals, relief that they're ok, and the sheer manliness of most of the party. Her mind opts for the default option after a while, and faints as well.
At the Train Station
The Girl’s are shocked because all the guys are covered in blood, have cart loads of treasure, and Spike now has the badassnes of Bruce Campbell.
Twilight: Wh..Wha…WHAT THE BUCK HAPPENED?!!!
Snowflame: Not much, typical guy’s night out sort of thing
Twilight: YOU’RE ALL COVERED IN BLOOD!!! (Fluttershy is a bit woozy seeing this)
Discord realizes this and thinks ‘Oops, I knew there was something I forgot to do’
Discord: No we’re not (Snap and all blood is gone) see?
Twilight: What did you do?!
Warrior: We fulfilled the the prophecy of the Elder Scrolls, and brought down Alduin the world eater, thus saving all of Tamriel!!!
Twilight:…WHAT THE BUCK DOES THAT MEAN?!!!
Spike: We killed a dragon and stole his treasure, and It Was Awesome!!!
The girls gasp at this, Fluttershy doesn’t like killing, but she really hates dragons so her mood is conflicted as is Applejack, Rainbow Dash thinks it’s cool what they did as does Pinkie while Rarity does one of her 3 second faints onto her couch, Twilight is shocked and furious
Twilight: You Did WHAT?!!! Spike how could you?!!!... Also, WHAT IN THE TARTARUS HAPPENED TO SPIKE?!!!
Snowflame: He got turned into a badass is what happened, all thanks to the monkey fish man thing here (Points to Discord)
Discord: Guilty as charged
Twilight looks at Discord with a look that would’ve obliterated him if her eyes had lasers.
Spike: Hey Twilight calm down
Twilight: CALM DOWN?!!! CALM DOWN?!!! How can I calm down, look what he did to you!
Rarity gets up from her short faint
Rarity: Yes, look what you did to poor Spikey Wikey (she grabs his arm), you made him tall and fit and (Voice turns from scolding to dreamy)…muscular… with a strong chin and…(inhales) musky (eyes half lidded) Spike is blushing a lot
Twilight: RARITY!!!
Rarity: Huh?...(comes out of daze then half heartedly says) Ya, that, you did that.
Snowflame whispers into Spike’s ear
Snowflame: See? Snowflame told you, Sploosh.
Spike: Heh heh, ya, but Come on Twilight, I like being like this, what’s the big deal?
Twilight: The big deal is that you ran off with two aliens who only hours ago destroyed half of downtown Canterlot, and the god of chaos himself and you murdered one of your own kind!
Spike: Hey it was the green one that tried to eat you and me, he deserved it!
Twilight: That is not how we do things Mister!
Fluttershy: Killing is wrong
AJ: Ya, you’re all in big trouble, especially you Snowflame, how could you let little ol Spike do that.
Snowflame throws his hands up in the air, since he’s had enough
Snowflame: Alright, first off, Shut the Hell up! Secondly, SHUT THE HELL UP, and Thirdly Snowflame is tired of you little hypocrites and your bitching!
AJ: Excuse me?!
Snowflame: The farmer pony kills wood dogs all the time!
AJ: Well they’re dangerous and…
Snowflame: And you (He points to Twilight) You massacred an entire room full of innocent Pink Ponies
Twilight: But those were copies that didn’t belong and…
Snowflame: You enjoyed killing them too, Snowflame saw the smirk on your face, and you all helped (Pointing at all the Mane 6)
Twilight: (In her head “ How does he know all this?”) But…
Snowflame: And you also killed that Sombrero Pony in the snow.
Spike: It’s Sombra, and I helped.
Snowflame: Ya him, and none of you were sad. So shut your pie holes!
Warrior: Yes, get off your high horses you incredible small horses, horses riding metaphorical horses is a crime against nature!
The Mane 6 put their heads down for being so hypocritical
Twilight: OK, fine, maybe we did act a little too harshly.
Spike: It’s ok Twilight, oh and I’m not changing back into that wimpy form so don’t even ask
Discord: Oh I wouldn’t change you back, bros before hoes man (Fist Bumps Spike)
Twilight: Fine…
Snowflame: Alright then, Snowflame is sorry he yelled, but it had to be done. Now if you want to talk more, Snowflame will be having a BBQ tomorrow and you’re all invited
Pinkie: Oh, oh, do you need help with the party planning, because I know a great spot
Warrior: Yes cotton candy pony, you bring the buns, we’ll bring the dragon beef
Fluttershy finally faints due to the mention of beef, luckily Rarity’s couch is still there.
Pinkie: Sounds like fun
Snowflame: It will be, now if you don’t mind, Snowflame has had a busy day and is going to bed
Warrior: Where am I sleeping? I do not know these colorful horses all that much
Snowflame: You can stay with Snowflame and the lesbian ponies, Lyra won’t mind, she’s obsessed with humans
Warrior: OK
Snowflame: But before Snowflame leaves, Rainbow Pony! (Points at Dash) What is the Purple Dragon now?
Dash: Huh?
Snowflame: He’s big and awesome, so that makes him….
Dash: uhhhh…more awesome?
Snowflame: No, your catchphrase!
Dash: I have a catchphrase?
Snowflame: Yes, it’s on shirts and posters and backbacks…it deals with percentages
Dash: 20% Cooler?
Snowflame: There you go!
Dash: How is that my catchphrase? I’ve only said that like 2 or 3 times
Snowflame: Because!
Dash: okaaay..
Snowflame: See you main characters tomorrow maybe. Night!
Warrior: Farewell for now big eyed cartoon horses, the call of the whore that is sleep is calling!
(He and Snowflame walk away dragging their gems behind them)
Applejack: Did he just call Luna a whore?
Discord: Meh, wouldn’t surprise me, what with being in solitude on the moon for a thousand years
Twilight: Don’t think we’ve forgotten about you mister, Even if Spike is in a more capable form, that was still reckless and dangerous to take him….
Discord: Oh look (Points behind them) somepony who gives a crap (Snap and Teleports away)
Twilight: Ughhh. Well girls, let’s go home, we’ll figure this out in the morning
Spike: where am I gonna sleep?
Twilight: The guest bed, I think you’ve outgrown your basket
Spike: Actually Zecora is using that, she’s kind of homeless now.
Twilight: What? How?
Spike: Snowflame blew up her house
Twilight: Of course he did (Sigh) well maybe one of the girls can…
Rarity: MINE!!! (Grabs hold of Spike’s leg)…*ahem* I mean Spike is more than welcome to stay at my place, my bed is more than big enough.
Twilight: But…
Rarity: I won’t take no for an answer, come along darling, (Starts dragging the dragon while he carries his gems)
Spike: Umm…OK (Thinking ‘Oh Thank you Discord, I owe you one buddy’)
Twilight *Sigh* Nothing’s been the same since that hairless ape showed up
The Girl’s are all shocked because the guys are covered in blood, have cart loads of treasure, and Spike is now much bigger than his normal self.
"Wh..Wha…WHAT THE BUCK HAPPENED?!!!" Twilight shouts.
"Not much, typical guy’s night out sort of thing." Snowflame says.
"YOU’RE ALL COVERED IN BLOOD!!!"
Fluttershy is a bit woozy seeing this, and almost falls over.
Discord realizes this and thinks ‘Oops, I knew there was something I forgot to do’, and says, "No we’re not.", he snap his figures and all blood vanishes, "See?"
"What did you do?!"
"We fulfilled the the prophecy of the Elder Scrolls, and brought down Alduin the world eater, thus saving all of Tamriel!!!" The Warrior shouts.
"WHAT THE BUCK DOES THAT MEAN?!!!"
"We killed a dragon and stole his treasure, and It Was Awesome!!!" Spike exclaims.
The girls all gasp at once, Applejack gets a look like she's conflicted on what to think, Rainbow Dash mutters, "So awesome." Pinkie just smiles, while Fluttershy faints, Rarity faints as well though only after she pulls her drama couch out of nowhere, Twilight looks shocked and furious.
"You Did WHAT?!!! Spike how could you?!!!... Also, WHAT IN THE TARTARUS HAPPENED TO SPIKE?!!!"
"He got turned into a badass is what happened, all thanks to the monkey fish man thing here." Snowflame says pointing at Discord.
Discord smirks and says, "Guilty as charged."
Twilight looks at Discord like she's about to evolve into Rapidash.
"Hey Twilight calm down." Spike says with his claws up.
"CALM DOWN?!!! CALM DOWN?!!! How can I calm down, look what he did to you!"
Rarity gets up from her drama couch and says "Yes, look what you did to poor Spikey Wikey.", she grabs his arm, "You made him tall and fit and…muscular… with a strong chin and…*inhales* musky. She starts beeming some bedroom eyes and Spike's face turns bright red.
"RARITY!!!" Twilight shouts at the white mare.
"Huh?... Ya, that, you did that."
Snowflame leans into Spike’s ear and whispers, "See? Snowflame told you, Sploosh."
"Heh heh, ya, but Come on Twilight, I like being like this, what’s the big deal?" Spike asks.
"The big deal is that you ran off with two aliens who only hours ago destroyed half of downtown Canterlot, and the god of chaos himself and you murdered one of your own kind!" Twilight shouts.
"Hey it was the green one that tried to eat you and me, he deserved it!"
"That is not how we do things Mister!"
"Killing is wrong." Fluttershy says now back for fainting earlier.
"Ya, you’re all in big trouble, especially you Snowflame, how could you let little ol Spike do that." Applejack says.
Snowflame throws his hands up in the air, "Alright, first off, Shut the Hell up! Secondly, SHUT THE HELL UP, and Thirdly Snowflame is tired of you little hypocrites and your bitching!"
"Excuse me?!"
"The farmer pony kills wood dogs all the time!"
"Well they’re dangerous and…"
"And the nerdy purple pony massacred an entire room full of innocent pink ponies"
"But those were copies that didn’t belong and…" Twilight begain to say.
"You enjoyed killing them too, Snowflame saw the smirk on your face, and you the rest of you helped."
"But…"
"And you also killed that Sombrero Pony in the snow."
"It’s Sombra, and I helped." Spike said.
"Ya him, and none of you were sad. So shut your pie holes!"
"Yes, get off your high horses you incredible small horses, horses riding metaphorical horses is a crime against nature!" The Warrior says.
The Mares put their heads down thinking that they may have been hypocritical.
"OK, fine, maybe we did act a little too harshly." Twilight admits.
"It’s ok Twilight, oh and I’m not changing back into that wimpy form so don’t even ask." Spike tells her.
"Oh I wouldn’t change you back, bros before hoes man." Discord says giving Spike a fist bump.
Twight sighs and says, "Fine…"
"Alright then, Snowflame is sorry he yelled, but it had to done. Now if you want to talk more, Snowflame will be having a BBQ tomorrow and you’re all invited." Snowflame says.
"Oh, oh, do you need help with the party planning, because I know a great spot." Pinkie Pie says.
"Yes cotton candy pony, you bring the buns, we’ll bring the dragon beef!" The Warrior shouts.
Fluttershy faints again this time takin Rarity’s drama couch.
"Sounds like fun!"
"It will be, now if you don’t mind, Snowflame has had a busy day and is going to bed." Snowflame tells the mares.
"Where am I sleeping? I do not know these colorful horses all that much!" The Warrior asks.
"You can stay with Snowflame and the lesbian ponies, Lyra won’t mind, she’s obsessed with humans."
"OK!"
"But before Snowflame leaves, Rainbow Pony!" Snowflame shouts pointing at Rainbow Dash, "What is the Purple Dragon now?"
"Huh?" Rainbow asks.
"He’s big and awesome, so that makes him…."
"Uhhhh…more awesome?"
"No, your catchphrase!"
"I have a catchphrase?"
"Yes, it’s on shirts and posters and backbacks…it deals with percentages."
"20% Cooler?"
"There you go!"
"How is that my catchphrase? I’ve only said that like 2 or 3 times."
"Because!"
"Okaaay..."
"See you main characters tomorrow maybe. Night!"
"Farewell for now big eyed cartoon horses, the call of the whore that is sleep is calling!" The Warrior shouts. before he and Snowflame walk away dragging their gems behind them.
"Did he just call Princess Luna a whore?" Applejack asked.
"Meh, wouldn’t surprise me, what with being in solitude on the moon for a thousand years." Discord says.
"Don’t think we’ve forgotten about you mister, Even if Spike is in a more capable form, that was still reckless and dangerous to take him." Twilight scolds the choas god.
"Oh look.", Discord points behind them, "Somepony who gives a crap." He then snap and teleports away.
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Meanwhile at Canterlot Castle...
At the Castle
Celestia is in the tub trying to get the ashes off of herself.
Celestia: ahhh, finally, I am relaxed
Discord appears in the other side of the tub
Discord: Hi Tia, room for one more?
Celestia facehooves (Thinking ‘Buck My Life’)
Celestia is in the tub trying to get the ashes off of herself. "Ahhh, finally, I am relaxed."
Of course that is when Discord appears in the other side of the tub, "Hi Tia, room for one more?"
Celestia facehooves.
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Back at the Ponyville Train Station...
"Ughhh. Well girls, let’s go home, we’ll figure this out in the morning."
"Where am I gonna sleep?" Spike asks.
"The guest bed, I think you’ve outgrown your basket."
"Actually Zecora is using that, she’s kind of homeless now."
"What? How?"
"Snowflame blew up her house."
"Of course he did *Sigh* well maybe one of the girls can…"
"MINE!!!" Rarity shouts grabing hold of Spike’s leg, "*ahem* I mean Spike is more than welcome to stay at my place, my bed is more than big enough."
"But…"
"I won’t take no for an answer, come along darling. She starts dragging the dragon while he carries his gems.
"Umm…OK." Spike says though in his mind he's thinking ‘Oh Thank you Discord, I owe you one buddy’
Twilight sighs, "Nothing’s been the same since that hairless ape showed up."
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At Lyra and Bon Bon's House...
At Lyra and Bon Bon’s
Warrior: I thought you said I would own this couch, but this seaweed pony is taking my spot
Snowflame: Hmm, she must have done something stupid again. Well you can share Snowflame’s bed
Warrior: Do I look like Goldust to you?
The Warrior picks up Lyra, lays down on the couch and sets her atop his chest like a blanket. She doesn’t wake up.
Snowflame: Well that works
Warrior: Good night my first and only friend, The Warrior will now travel the Destrucity plains of his mind till morning *Skronk* (Falls asleep instantly, though his hands are petting Lyra who smiles in her sleep)
Snowflame goes up to his room and lays down in bed.
Snowflame; Huh, these past two days have been eventful for Snowflame. Snowflame feels like they’ve lasted months though.
He Shrugs and falls asleep.
The Ultamite Warrior and Snowflame stand over a sleeping Lyra on the couch.
"I thought you said I would own this couch, but this seaweed pony is taking my spot!" The Warrior says.
"Hmm, she must have done something stupid again. Well you can share Snowflame’s bed." Snowflame suggests.
"Do I look like Goldust to you?" The Warrior then picks up Lyra, lays down on the couch and sets her atop his chest like a blanket. Which somehow doesn’t wake her up.
"Well that works."
"Good night my first and only friend, The Warrior will now travel the Destrucity plains of his mind till morning *Skronk*" He then falls asleep instantly, though his hands are petting Lyra who smiles in her sleep.
Snowflame goes up to his room and lays down in bed. "Huh, these past two days have been eventful for Snowflame. Snowflame feels like they’ve lasted months though.", He Shrugs and falls asleep.
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Meanwhile at Fancy Pants Manor...
Meanwhile, at Fancy Pants manor...
*Outside, a stallions voice is heard through a megaphone* This is the police! If you do not release the hostages, we will storm the building and kill you on sight!
Blueblood: (sweating) Oh no, no no no no no no... this is a disaster...
Disco Dance is now dancing the Macarana, with some hostages.
Zant is rambling on a tale of how he conquered the Twilight realm through mind fuckery and reverse psychology taken up to eleven.
Screwball is now licking Blueblood's face. He seems too worried and scared to notice, though.
At Fancy Pant’s House
Zant: And then he came out of the water temple with the stupidest expression on his face and I blasted him across the room without even moving.
Butler and the others are bored out of their minds
Zant: Oh, I forgot about how I got these powers, so there I was, being rejected by the Church of Scientology…
(Ding Dong)
Disco Dance: Pizza!
Zant: We didn’t order any Joey
Blueblood: OH NO! Someone’s at the door, you all sit still, I’ll check it out
Blueblood looks through the peephole and sees two guards.
Blueblood: Buck!
He runs back into the room
Blueblood: The Law is here, what do we do?
Zant: Well, we can open the door and stab them each in the chest thirty seven times
Blueblood: No!
Screwloose: Bark!
Blueblood: No!
Disco Dance: Sprinkles and Fudge Toppings!
Blueblood: (Banging head against wall) No, No, NO, NO!!!
(Ding Dong)
Blueblood: Alright, act natural. Try to hide them or something, and I’ll try to stall them.
Blueblood answers the door
Blueblood: Hello good sirs, may I help you
Guard: Yes, we’ve had reports that some sort of high pitched noise was heard in this area that caused the neighborhood’s dog’s to start barking. The neighbors think it came from here.
Blueblood: Oh, well…That must have been our gramophone (Smiles Awkwardly) It’s been acting up.
Guard: Mind if we check it out just to be sure?
Blueblood: Well I uh…
Guard’s walk past him
Guard: Thanks
They hear noises coming from the living room and they make their way there while Blueblood tries and fails to stop them. They walk in and Blueblood is about to run when he sees that there is music playing and Disco Dance is doing the Macarena with members of the help, Zant is sitting with the Butler, the gardeners and some maids and they have drinks, Screwloose licks Blueblood’s shocked face.
Guard: Oh, seems like you’re all just having some fun, there’s nothing illegal about this. Just make sure your music doesn’t hit that high note again. Good night Sir.
The guards walk out and shut the door.
Blueblood: How…How?
Zant: I threatened to burn them with this flamethrower (Appears out of Nowhere)
Blueblood: Zant!!!
Zant: What, you never said I couldn’t burn them.
Blueblood: Well you can make them stop, the Fuzz is gone
Zant: But the party is just getting started!
Dancing Maid: Can we please stop dancing?
Disco Dance: NO!
"And then he came out of the water temple with the stupidest expression on his face and I blasted him across the room without even moving." Zant said to the Butler and the others are bored out of their minds, "Oh, I forgot about how I got these powers, so there I was, being rejected by the Church of Scientology…"
The doorbell rings, Disco Dance jumps up and exclaims "Pizza!"
"We didn’t order any Joey."
"OH NO! Someone’s at the door, you all sit still, I’ll check it out." Blueblood says before he looks through the peephole and sees two guards. "Buck!", He runs back into the room and asks, "The gaurds are here, what do we do?"
"Well, we can open the door and stab them each in the chest thirty seven times." Zant suggests.
"No!"
Screwloose barks.
"No!"
"Sprinkles and Fudge Toppings!" Disco Dance shouts.
"No, No, NO, NO!!!"
The doorbell rings again.
"Alright, act natural. Try to hide them or something, and I’ll try to stall them." Blue says walking back to the door which he answers, "Hello good sirs, may I help you?"
"Yes, we’ve had reports that some sort of high pitched noise was heard in this area that caused the neighborhood’s dog’s to start barking. The neighbors think it came from here." One of the guards says.
"Oh, well…That must have been our gramophone. It’s been acting up." The Prince says, smiling awkwardly.
"Mind if we check it out just to be sure?" the other guard ask, Only to walk right past Blueblood before he even gets a chance to respond "Thanks."
They walk in the living room while Blueblood is about ready to make a run for it, when he sees that there is music playing and Disco Dance is doing the Macarena with members of the help, Zant is sitting with the Butler, the gardeners and some maids and they have drinks.
"Oh, seems like you’re all just having some fun, there’s nothing illegal about this. Just make sure your music doesn’t hit that high note again. Good night Sir." One of the guards says before they walk right out and shut the door.
"How…How?" Blueblood asks.
"I threatened to burn them with this flamethrower." Zant says, pulling said flamethrower out of nowhere.
"Zant!"
"What, you never said I couldn’t burn them."
"Well you can make them stop, the Fuzz is gone."
"But the party is just getting started!"
"Can we please stop dancing?" A purple pegasus maid asks.
"NO!" Disco Dance shouts.
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Meanwhile in A black hole...
And that's when our mysterious big bads appear.
"Awww man! Did you guys see that fight with the dragon? Awesome!" The first voice exclaims.
"Meh, I dealt with way meaner nasties than that lizard." The second, Scottish voice says.
"This may be harder than we though. No matter, soon enough Snowflame will be in the Wooliehole that he belongs in." The Third Voice says.
"Well we still need to find someone in Equestria to work for us." The fourth, deep voice says.
"Well we already basically set up that it's going to be Blueblood, so why not just beam him up here?" The first voice asks.
"Perhaps, I'll need to think about it."