Discord is still contemplating. He decides to find out what his chances for getting laid are so he quickly teleports to Canterlot.
At Canterlot Castle
Twilight: He said that he and the Ultimate Warrior were friends and that they had to talk to Discord about something, and they disappeared.
Celestia: I hope all they are doing is talking, but with Discord, who knows
Discord teleports in
Celestia: Discord! Where is Snowflame and the Ultimate Warrior?
Discord: Oh they’re just out with Spike on a grand adventure of revenge in the Everfree Forest
Celestia: What?
Discord: Which is why I’m here, Tia is there any chance of you being open to debauchery tonight? Or do I have to buy you dinner first?
Celestia: Wh..Wh..WHAT?!!! (Angrily)
Discord: Oh I see, it’s that time of the month. Get off my back woman, I’m just trying to have fun with my friends, jeez (Snaps his fingers and disappears)
Celestia is blushing furiously and Twilight and Rarity look extremely worried.
Twilight: They’re getting revenge with Spike?
Rarity: In the Everfree Forest! Oh No! Girls, we have to go save him.
Pinkie: But he’s with Snowfy and Mr. Warrior, they’re tougher than any monster out there
Rarity: Which is why we must get him back, he could get hurt hanging around those two
Twilight: They better not let him get hurt if they know what’s good for them (Angrily)
Rarity: we have to get back to Ponyville ASAP
Applejack: Wait, why don’t we just have the Princess teleport us?
Twilight: Good Idea, Princess Celestia?
Celestia:….(Staring at where Discord was angrily)
Twilight: Princess Celestia?
Celestia:….
Twilight: Ummm….
Celestia: Diiiiiiiiisssssssscccccccoooooooorrrrrrdddddd!!!!! (Hissing)
Luna: I believe my sister is what you call in the modern tongue ‘Extremely Pissed Off” right now, I don’t believe it is wise to ask her for help.
Rarity: Well what about you?
Luna: Sorry, too busy raising the moon, but here (Floating Bag of Bits) this should cover train fare.
Twilight: (Sigh) Back to the train girls
Rarity: Yes and hurry, who knows how horrified poor Spike is right now!
Discord eventally decides to find out what his chances for getting laid are so he quickly teleports to Canterlot.
Meanwhile at Canterlot Castle...
"He said that he and the Ultimate Warrior were friends and that they had to talk to Discord about something, and they disappeared." Twilight told the Sun Princess.
"I hope all they are doing is talking, but with Discord, who knows." Celestia says right as Discord teleports in, "Discord! Where is Snowflame and the Ultimate Warrior?"
"Oh they’re just out with Spike on a grand adventure of revenge in the Everfree Forest." Discord says.
"What?"
"Which is why I’m here, Tia is there any chance of you being open to debauchery tonight? Or do I have to buy you dinner first?"
"Wh..Wh..WHAT?!!!" Celestia shouts angrily.
"Oh I see, it’s that time of the month. Get off my back woman, I’m just trying to have fun with my friends, jeez.", he then snaps his fingers and disappears.
Celestia is blushing furiously while Twilight and Rarity both look extremely worried.
"They’re getting revenge with Spike?" Twilight asked confused.
"In the Everfree Forest! Oh No! Girls, we have to go save him!" Rarity exclaims
"But he’s with Snowfy and Mr. Warrior, they’re tougher than any monster out there." Pinkie says.
"Which is why we must get him back, he could get hurt hanging around those two."
"They better not let him get hurt if they know what’s good for them.", Twilight says angrily.
"We have to get back to Ponyville ASAP."
"Wait, why don’t we just have the Princess teleport us?" Applejack asks.
"Good Idea, Princess Celestia?" Twilight asks, but Celestia is just taring at where Discord was angrily. "Princess Celestia?" Twilight asks again, but still no response, "Ummm…."
"Diiiiiiiiisssssssscccccccoooooooorrrrrrdddddd!!!!!" Celestia final hisses.
Luna walks up to the mares and says, "I believe my sister is what you call in the modern tongue ‘Extremely Pissed Off” right now, I don’t believe it is wise to ask her for help."
"Well what about you?" Rarity asks.
"Sorry, I'm a little too busy raising the moon, but here," She levitates over a bag of bits, "This should cover train fare."
Twilight sighs, "Back to the train girls."
"Yes and hurry, who knows how horrified poor Spike is right now!" Rarity exclaims.
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Name: Rarity
Stats
Strength: 4
Speed: 3
Intelligence: 7
Dress Making: 10
Dramaticness: Cannot be Measured
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Meanwhile in the Everfree Forest...
Running through the Everfree
Spike is using his new wings to fly
Spike: This…Is…AWESOME!!!
Warrior: You fly with the majesty of a monkey shot from a cannon at terminal velocity at an airplane windshield!
Spike: Um…Thanks?
Snowflame: Snowflame tried to fly like that once, Snowflame ended up smashing through the roof of a Semi. And that’s when Snowflame learned that Cocaine, 10 gallons of vodka, and a suspension bridge do not make a good combo!
Spike: I’ll take your word on it, by the way, I didn’t catch your friend’s name
Warrior: The Ultimate Warrior! You?
Spike: Spike
Warrior: Pleasure to meet you miniature Godzilla!
Discord appears floating besides them as they run
Snowflame: Oh Hai Abomination of Nature, Snowflame thought you were busy pimpin
Discord: I was, but the bitch be trippin, so I gotta hang with my peeps
Spike: You sound really dumb when you try to talk gangster
Snowflame/Warrior: Foshizzle!
Discord: Yeesh, everyone’s a critic. So how much further Spike?
Spike Stops in mid air looking around
Spike: Ummmm…I’m not too sure
Snowflame: How can you not know? You got there in the rain last time?
Spike: Hey look I’m sorry, I got excited because I look like a beast now and I can fly, and the adrenaline kind of took over and I got carried away.
Warrior: You have to foke yourself, once you are foked, you need to use your fokeness so that we can demolish Puff the magic dragon!
Discord: We’re running all the way to Honalee? I ain’t got time to frolic in the autumn mists.
Spike: Ya, about that, I’m having second thoughts
Snowflame: Do not puss out on Snowflame you son of a bitch! You’ve killed before!
Spike: I have?
Snowflame: Yes, you killed that Giant Timber Wolf by choking it to death when you were in your wimpy form, not even the farmer pony was able to kill it all the way. Snowflame was so proud when he saw you do that.
Spike: Oh yeah, that did feel pretty good, but still this is another dragon, isn’t that like murder if I do it?
Snowflame: No!!! It’s nature! He tries to eat you, you eat him back!!!
Warrior: That is how I got rid of Doink the Clown, because all clowns are man eaters from Space!
Spike: Are you two justifying cannibalism?
Snowflame: Yes! No! Maybe! The point is that dragon could’ve screwed this show up big time if he had eaten you or the purple pony, the Bronies demand his head!
Spike: Ya, You’re Right! Buck that green flankhole!...I’m not eating him though
Snowflame: Fair enough
The Ultimate Warrior begins sniffing the air like a bloodhound
Discord: What is it, what do you smell boy?
Warrior: (Sniff)…Pulpy…(Sniff)…Dogs…(Sniff)…Hooved African Mammal…(Sniff)…Danger
Discord: Timberwolves?
Snowflame: Rhyming Zebra?
Spike: Danger?
They put all the sentences together and realize
Spike: Oh Celestia! Zecora’s being attacked by Timberwolves!!! We have to save her!
Warrior: Awwww, But I wanted to kill a dragon.
Snowflame: We will, but these wolves will be like a mini boss.
Warrior: Alrighty then, onward into the magical swirling winds of death
Discord: Sounds fun to me, plus I’ve always wanted to see a zebra
The warrior leads the way while Spike and Discord fly and Snowflame runs behind him
They eventually get to a clearing where Zecora is in a tree surrounded by 50 Wolves.
Snowflame: ZUUULLLLLLL!!!!!
The wolves look at him
Snowflame: Snowflame is the Key Master!!! Zuul Mother Fuckers, Zuul!!!
Warrior: WHO YOU GONNA CALL?!!!
Spike: Ummmm…YA! What they Said!
The Wolves rush at them and the combatants attack. Snowflame shatters a few then uses his flames to burn others to ashes. Spike is going to town on a group with his chainsaw and is also using his fire breath and claws. The Ultimate Warrior Power Slams two into another, shattering them, then clotheslines one’s head clean off, and Discord…is just watching with a bag of popcorn and sitting next to Zecora in the tree.
Discord: Oh I wish these guys were around a few thousand years ago. I love this show. Popcorn? (He offers Popcorn to Zecora)
Zecora: What are you doing you strange creature, this is not a Friday night cinema feature!
Discord: Well Duh, Today is Saturday.
Zecora rolls her eyes.
The wolves don’t even get a chance to turn into a Mega Wolf because they splinter and burn the bodies.
Warrior: That was a satisfying appetizer to the main course, but I need the pepper, WHERE IS THE PEPPER?!!!
Spike: That felt amazing, WHO’S THE SMALL DEFENSELESS GUY NOW WORLD?!!! HUH?!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!
Snowflame: Snowflame agrees, but now Snowflame needs tweezers to get splinters out
Zecora and Discord teleport next to them.
Snowflame: Hi Rhyming Zebra, good thing we…
Zecora slaps him in the face angrily
Zecora: You blew up my home and my work, you careless incompetent jerk!!!
Snowflame: Oh yeah, Snowflame kinda forgot about that
Snowflame is tackled by the Zebra who rains down blows on him, but he lets her since Snowflame Feels No Pain and he kinda deserves it. While the others just watch laughing.
Spike is using his new wings to fly , "This…Is…AWESOME!!!" He shouts in his new Bruce Cambell-like voice.
"You fly with the majesty of a monkey shot from a cannon at terminal velocity at an airplane windshield!" The Warrior says.
"Um…Thanks? Though I'll admite that I'm doing pretty well for just getting these about ten minutes ago, I mean Twilight's had her wings for months now and she's still not good at flying. Though at night her wings spread out and she keeps mumbling about somepony named 'Flash Sentry', Yeah I have no Idea who that is."
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One Week Ago in Twilight and Spike's bedroom...
Twilight laying down on her bed when she starts talking in her sleep, "Oh yes Flash, friend me. Friend me. Friend all over my face. Oh that's so friendly of you."
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"I lose sleep sometimes." Spike adds.
"Snowflame tried to fly like that once, Snowflame ended up smashing through the roof of a Semi. And that’s when Snowflame learned that Cocaine, 10 gallons of vodka, and a suspension bridge do not make a good combo!" Snowflame says.
"I’ll take your word on it, by the way, I didn’t catch your friend’s name."
"I am The Ultimate Warrior! You?" The Warrior asked.
"Spike."
"Pleasure to meet you miniature Godzilla!"
That's when Discord appears floating besides them as they walk.
Snowflame sees him and says, "Oh Hai Abomination of Nature, Snowflame thought you were busy pimpin."
"I was, but the bitch be trippin, so I gotta hang with my peeps." Discord responds
"You sound really dumb when you try to talk gangster." Spike says, rolling his eyes.
"Foshizzle!" Snowflame and The Warrior exclaim.
"Yeesh, everyone’s a critic. So how much further Spike?" Discord asks.
Spike Stops in mid air to look around, "Ummmm…I’m not too sure."
"How can you not know? You got there in the rain last time?" Snowflame asks.
"Hey look I’m sorry, I got excited because I look like a beast now and I can fly, and the adrenaline kind of took over and I got carried away."
"You have to foke yourself, once you are foked, you need to use your fokeness so that we can demolish Puff the magic dragon!" The Warrior tells him.
"We’re running all the way to Honalee? I ain’t got time to frolic in the autumn mists." Discord says.
"Ya, about that, I’m having second thoughts." Spike says.
"Do not puss out on Snowflame you son of a bitch! You’ve killed before!" Snowflame points out.
"I have?"
"Yes, you killed that Giant Timber Wolf by choking it to death when you were in your wimpy form, not even the farmer pony was able to kill it all the way. Snowflame was so proud when he saw you do that."
"Oh yeah, that did feel pretty good, but still this is another dragon, isn’t that like murder if I do it?"
"No!!! It’s nature! He tries to eat you, you eat him back!!!"
"That is how I got rid of Doink the Clown, because all clowns are man eaters from Space!" The Ultimate Warrior says.
"Are you two justifying cannibalism?" Spike asks.
"Yes! No! Maybe! The point is that dragon could’ve screwed this show up big time if he had eaten you or the purple pony, the Bronies demand his head!" Snowflame tells him.
"Ya, You’re Right! Buck that green flankhole!...I’m not eating him though. And please don't tell Twilight I say that."
"Fair enough."
Then The Ultimate Warrior begins sniffing the air like a bloodhound.
"What is it, what do you smell boy?" Discord asks, sounding like he was talking to a dog.
"*Sniff*…Pulpy…*Sniff*…Dogs…*Sniff?*…Hooved African Mammal…*Sniff*…Danger!" The Warrior says.
"Timberwolves?" Discord asks.
"Rhyming Zebra?" Snowflame asks.
"Danger?" Spike asks, as he puts all the sentences together and realize, "Oh Celestia! Zecora’s being attacked by Timberwolves!!! We have to save her!"
"Awwww, But I wanted to kill a dragon!" The Warrior says, "I has a sad!"
"We will, but these wolves will be like a mini boss." Snowflame tells The Warrior.
"Alrighty then, onward into the magical swirling winds of death!"
"Sounds fun to me, plus I’ve always wanted to see a zebra." Discord says.
The Warrior leads the way while Spike and Discord fly and Snowflame runs behind him, not that long after they get to a clearing where Zecora is in a tree surrounded by 50 Timberwolves.
Snowflame sees them and shouts "ZUUULLLLLLL!!!!!", The wolves look at him. "Snowflame is the Key Master!!! Zuul Mother Fuckers, Zuul!!!"
"WHO YOU GONNA CALL?!!!" The Warrior adds.
"Ummmm…YA! What they Said!" Spike says.
The Wolves rush at them and the combatants attack.
Snowflame makes flames surround his arms, and he starts punching them with flaming fist of fury, which shatters their bodys as they slowly to burn to ashes.
Spike turns on his chainsaw and starts going to town on a group, slicing off wooden heads left and right. He then also sets their remains on fire with his fire breath.
The Ultimate Warrior Power Slams two in.to another, shattering them, he then turns around and clotheslines one’s head clean off.
While this was all going down, Discord was just watching with a bag of popcorn and sitting next to Zecora in the tree. "Oh I wish these guys were around a few thousand years ago. I love this show. Popcorn?", He offers Popcorn to Zecora.
"What are you doing you strange creature, this is not a Friday night cinema feature!" Zecora asks.
"Well Duh, Today is Saturday." Discord says, making Zecora roll her eyes.
The wolves don’t even get a chance to turn into a Mega Wolf because they splinter and burn the bodies. Though the wolves Spike burned seemed to have disappeared.
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Meanwhile at Canterlot Castle...
Princess Celestia was laying by her fireplace and says to herself, "Okay Tia, Discord seems to be gone for now. Just try to relax a little."
Then a bunch of ashes shoot out of the firsplace and onto Celestia, staining her snow white coat. She coughs up some ash and shouts, "Oh medamnit! Chimney Sweep I told you to clean my fireplace today! Someponies not getting a Hearths Warming Day bonus this year."
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Back to the plot... (Not that kind, you perverts)
"That was a satisfying appetizer to the main course, but I need the pepper, WHERE IS THE PEPPER?!!!" The Warrior shouts.
"That felt amazing, WHO’S THE SMALL DEFENSELESS GUY NOW WORLD?!!! HUH?!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!" Spike laughs.
"Snowflame agrees, but now Snowflame needs tweezers to get splinters out." Snowflame says as Zecora and Discord teleport next to them, "Hi Rhyming Zebra, good thing we…"
Zecora slaps him in the face angrily, "You blew up my home and my work, you careless incompetent jerk!!!"
"Oh yeah, Snowflame kinda forgot about that. Oopsie."
"Hey, to be fair that did happen all the way back in Chapter 2, so I bet you that half the readers forgot about it." Discord says.
Ignoring him, Zecora tackles Snowflame and starts raining down blows on him, but he lets her since Snowflame Feels No Pain and even he'll admit that he kinda deserves it.
The others just watch laughing.
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Meanwhile at Fancy Pants Manor...
At the Residence of Fancy Pants
Zant, Disco Dance, and Screwloose have gathered all the house servants into the living room and have tied them up against the couches and chairs. While Blueblood freaks out a little inside for being involved
Zant: Well that seems to be the last of them.
Screwloose: Bark Bark!
Zant: That is true Screwloose, we don’t want a Die Hard situation on our hands. My lord, can I borrow that knife please?
Blueblood: What for?
Zant: Oh it’s just a precaution, I’m going to scare them with it to see if anypony else is here
Blueblood: Oh…OK (Give Zant the Blade)
Zant: Thank you, now which one of you is the main butler
Butler: That would be me
Zant stabs the butler in the leg and the Butler screams in pain at such a high frequency that it bothers neighbor’s dogs and Screwloose
Blueblood: What the Buck?!!!
Zant: Who else is in the building?!!! (He twists the blade and the butler screams more)
Blueblood: OH MY CELESTIA!!!!
Zant: WHO ELSE IS IN THE BUILDING?!!!
Butler: There’s two gardeners, they’re napping in their quarters out back
Zant: Oh thank you for the information, you’ve been very helpful (he says sincerely as he takes the blade out)
Blueblood: WHY THE BUCK DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!!! YOU SAID YOU WERE ONLY GOING TO SCARE THEM?!!!
Zant: Well it did scare them didn’t it my god? Look at their faces
Blueblood: I….I….
The Butler is still crying from his leg wound and the others are shocked and horrified as Zant turns to Disco Dance
Zant: Joey, I need you to go get them. But it’s dangerous to go alone, take this (He hands him the bloody blade)
Disco Dance: Give me the Cheetoh! I got it, I Got It! (He rushes off)
Zant: Alright Everyone, we are now going to play a little game called, ‘Who is your daddy, and what does he do?’
Blueblood: (Talking to himself) Alright, calm down Blueblood, the situation isn’t totally bucked, you can still turn this into a win. Zant is batshit insane yes, but he is one of the most powerful unicorns I’ve ever seen. He’ll be useful for taking out that hairless ape. The staff just needs a memory wipe and that butler needs a bandage.
Screwloose: Bark Bark
Blueblood: That’s right you lanky insane mare, everything is under control (Smiles awkwardly)
Butler screams in immense Pain again because Zant stuck another knife into his other leg
Blueblood: WHY?!!!!
Zant: Well that one was just for fun.
Zant, Disco Dance, and Screwloose have gathered all the house servants into the living room and have tied them up against the couches and chairs.
While Blueblood is freaks out a little inside for being involved, 'I should of ran! I should of ran! Oh Celestia why didn't I run?!'
"Well that seems to be the last of them." Zant says.
Screwloose barks twice.
"That is true Screwloose, we don’t want a Die Hard situation on our hands. My lord, can I borrow that knife please?"
"What for?" Blueblood asks.
"Oh it’s just a precaution, I’m going to scare them with it to see if anypony else is here."
"Oh…OK." Blueblood says giving Zant the blade.
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Meanwhile, somewhere in Connecticut...
KenSES64 looked at his laptop screen just staring at Blueblood's last action. "I don't even... Catbug you mind helping me here?
"Thanks Catbug."
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"Thank you, now which one of you is the main butler?" Zant asks.
"That would be me." said a grey earth pony stallion with a grey mane.
Zant stabs the butler in the leg and the Butler screams in pain at such a high frequency that it bothers neighbor’s dogs and Screwloose, making them howl.
"What the Buck?!!!" Blueblood shouts.
"Who else is in the building?!!!" Zant asks as he twists the blade and the butler screams more.
"OH MY CELESTIA!!!!" Blueblood shouts, gagging a little.
"WHO ELSE IS IN THE BUILDING?!!!"
"There’s two gardeners, they’re napping in their quarters out back!" The Butler shouts.
"Oh thank you for the information, you’ve been very helpful." Zant says sincerely as he takes the blade out.
"WHY THE BUCK DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!!! YOU SAID YOU WERE ONLY GOING TO SCARE THEM?!!!" Blueblood screams at Zant.
"Well it did scare them didn’t it my god? Look at their faces."
"I….I…." Blueblood sees The Butler is still crying from his leg wound and the others are shocked and horrified, Blueblood mouths to them the words, 'I'm so sorry'.
Zant turns to Disco Dance and says, "Joey, I need you to go get them. But it’s dangerous to go alone, take this.", He hands him the bloody blade,
"Give me the Cheetoh! I got it, I Got It!" Disco Dance shouts as he rushes off.
"Alright Everyone, we are now going to play a little game called, ‘Who is your daddy, and what does he do?’" Zant says.
"Alright, calm down Blueblood, the situation isn’t totally bucked, you can still turn this into a win. Zant is batshit insane yes, but he is one of the most powerful unicorns I’ve ever seen. He’ll be useful for taking out that hairless ape. The staff just needs a memory wipe and that butler needs a bandage." Blueblood says to himself.
Screwloose barks.
"That’s right you lanky insane mare, everything is under control." Blueblood says smiling awkwardly. He then hears the butler scream in immense pain again. Blueblood sees that Zant stuck another knife into his other leg, "WHY?!!!!"
"Well that one was just for fun." Zant says.