"I...take it that you're excited." I say only somewhat-sarcastically as I'm making my way toward Rainbow Dash.
"Damn right I am! What took you so damn long?!"
"Well, to put it simply, you left us speechless."
"Yeah, I do that a lot." Rainbow semi-boasted, slightly puffing her chest out.
"Wrong connotation."
"Huh?" Her chest returned to normal.
I sigh. "Not the 'impressed' speechless, but rather the 'what the fuck just happened?' speechless."
"Ah." Rainbow responded simply, followed by another 'awkward turtle' moment, before she added, "Anyway, are you ready?"
"Damn straight I am." I say with a nod.
"Alright then! Follow me! We'll do it in my personal 'practice area'. I go there whenever I practice my flying tricks, but there's a huge clearing on the ground there, too."
After saying that, Rainbow Dash rears back, ready to take wing, but freezes for several seconds before returning to a normal standing position.
"Fuck."
I look down, knowing that I'm the reason she's grounded. Rainbow wouldn't have any of it though: she nudged me to get my attention again, then motioned forward with her head.
"Come on!" she said with an uncharacteristically-sweet smile. Any attempt on my part to resist smiling back was undoubtedly futile: I immediately beamed, then started following the now-already-walking Rainbow Dash.
***
*Thud!*
Rainbow Dash shakes her head and sighs. "How many times is this now?"
I spit some dirt out of my mouth. "That I've fallen flat on my face?" I clarify.
Rainbow grinned. "That, or the number of concussions that you've gotten as a result."
I don't even bother standing up just yet, deciding instead to roll over onto my back, doing so with a groan. It had been several hours already, yet the highest that I've gotten so far has been at most a hoof-and-a-half. However, the combined distance of my infinitely many faceplants must total at least an entire longball field by now, and it's beginning to take its toll, and not just to my body, but to my pride and dignity as well. I look and see a smiling Rainbow Dash hovering over me, still waiting for my answer, even though only several seconds had elapsed during the course of this abnormally-bulky paragraph.
"Well, if it's the latter, what point would there be in asking me?"
"Amusement?" Rainbow responded without any hesitation.
I, on the other hoof, did hesitate, taking a second or two...or five*...to try to think of something at least somewhat witty.
"But...I had taken that for a given..."
~~~
A/N: Damn it, I can never word that one correctly! Even in real life, whenever I try to use it, it just sounds so damn awkw--
Get back to the story!
...Pinkie Pie?
Well, duh, it even says '[color = pink]' before whatever I say, and that's the color that you use to color-code what I say, 'cause I'M pink, and my name is PINKie! Well, it says it without the spaces, 'cause then that would mess up the coloring, since that's the HTML tag, same with the '[/ color]' after everything I say, which is the end tag, but again without the spaces, 'cause then this wouldn't be colored at all--
PINKIE! What did I tell you about breaking the fourth wall?! Hell, even my character told you, too!
You silly filly, your 'character' IS you! Same name and EVERYTHING!
...
...
...
...?
ANYway, answer my question. Wh--
You told me not to do it, but it's just SO MUCH FUN! And I LOVE fun! Why would you tell me not to do something that is SO MUCH FUN?!
Because it ain't cheap to get repaired. And that's after I have to pay the guy to stay long enough for me to explain what the hell it is I'm wanting him to fix...
Then don't get it fixed!
...
...
...what if Fluttershy were to wander through?
...
...?
...th-that would be bad...
Yes. Very bad.
Um...I'll talk to you later. BYE AUTHOR!
*Poof*
...wow...disappeared in a poof of glitter...just like in my other story...
~~~
Rainbow laughed, but almost immediately afterward she became more serious than I had ever seen her before. After a short while she spoke.
"Get your flank up. This obviously isn't working. We need to try something different."
"Yes mom."
Rainbow simply shook her head and sighed as I slowly made my way to my hooves. Once I was, I closed my eyes and began inhaling through my nose and exhaling through my mouth, so as to get more oxygen to my brain. In for four seconds and out for two, to be exact**; I've always found that to be the most efficient ratio, and now it's just habit.
"You ready?" Rainbow asked, her tone letting me know that she was aware of -- and fine with -- what I had been doing. I take another deep breath, sigh, and nod, my eyes still closed.
"Alright...I want you to try not to put your body weight on your hooves...think of it as trying to symbolically sever your connection to the ground..."
I smile as I do so, but it makes me wonder about something. As a human, doing this would raise my center of gravity up into my torso, but now that I'm a pony, where exactly am I shifting it to? If I'm still shifting it 'up', I would imagine that it would be going to the area in between my...wings! Mother of Celestia!
"That's...deep, Rainbow!"
She scoffed. "Don't underestimate me, damn it. Just because I'm athleti--"
"--I wasn't." I cut her off. "I was being honest."
"...oh. Thanks, I guess."
I smile. "Well, just to check, am I supposed to now have my center of gravity shifted to in between my wings? 'Cause that realization is what had caused me to have the 'mother of Celestia' moment that I had had just now."
I open my eyes and feel a chill run through my body. I suddenly feel much lighter...but other than that, I can't find any words to describe how I'm now feeling, even with my extensive vocabulary! I know that that doesn't help you out much as the reader, but look on the bright side: no big, descriptive words! =D Well...on second thought, it might be best to not get your hopes up too high...for one, there's several places where I could have used 'lexicon', but I digress.
I notice that Rainbow is looking at me now with intrigue.
"I don't know why we didn't do this right from the get-go, because that's absolutely right..."
"Well, at the get-go, both of us were extremely antsy to get me up and into the air...and for that matter, we still are..."
Rainbow smirked. "Prove it."
"Well, for one thing, I can tell that your wings are currently fully extended not from arousal, but from being grounded for so damn long."
Rainbow looked at her wings before turning her attention back to me, now with a raised eyebrow keeping her smirk company. "How do you know that I don't have a wingboner?"
"Gut feeling"
"Oh yeah? And how accurate is that?"
"Called a perfect game."
Rainbow went back to a straight face. "Oh yeah...I think that was one of the things that Celestia told us about you -- one of the first things, that is -- that you called Mark...Mark..."
"Mark Buehrle."
"Thanks. That you called Mark Bur-lee's perfect game three weeks in advance.*** I must admit, I'm impressed about that myself."
"T-thanks..."
"Remind me never to doubt your gut feelings again."
"Noted."
Rainbow clears her throat. "Anyway, now try doing what you were earlier."
I take a deep breath, nod, and close my eyes once again. I don't remember exactly how it happened, but before I realized it...
I opened my eyes. "Oh shit!"
I found myself hovering about ten hooves or so off the ground...apparently this was now more instinctive, particularly because I never even noticed my wings flapping...and for that matter, I still don't. Perhaps this is what that chill from earlier was all about. I take some conscious flaps to try to move, and found it to be much, much easier now than I would have ever imagined! I fly around a bit -- more excited than...me in a GameStop, I guess -- before flying back down to land next to the now-cheering Rainbow Dash.
Well, at least that's what I tried to do.
*Thud!*
Rainbow was laughing now. "Other than using your face for a brake, you were awesome! For your first flight, that is. You're still no match for me!"
I groan and stand back up, rubbing my face with a hoof. "I figured as such."
Rainbow smiles, before we both notice Celestia's lowering of the sun.
"Wow...I haven't seen such a beautiful sunset since back in..."
"Arizona?"
I turned and looked at her, and noticed that she was still looking at the sunset. I let out a sigh. "Yeah..."
"You know..." Rainbow started, not looking away from the sky. "The way that Celestia had described it to us...well, even I must admit...well, let's just say that I can't blame you for being so proud of being able to call it...your home..." she trailed off, as I joined her in looking at the sunset once more.
~~~
HEY! AUTHOR!
AAAAAAAAHHHH!!! RAGGLE FRAGGLE!
Are you okay?
Yeah...I-I'm fine...what is it now, Pinkie?
Well, if your character and Rainbow don't leave now, they'll be late for his 'Welcome to Ponyville' party!
Oh shit!!! Um...um...I'll let them know. Aight?!
Okie dokie lokie!
*Poof!*
~~~
Before I could say anything else, both Rainbow and I looked on wide-eyed as we suddenly saw a figure appear among some previously-not-even-there-but-now-parting clouds.
~~~
"G-God?"
"Oh, don't start that shit, it's just me, the author.
"Uh, what?"
Don't worry about it. Anyway, I would recommend leaving for Sugarcube Corner now, else you risk missing 'Briar's' 'Welcome to Ponyville' party.
"Good idea!"
Damn it! Of COURSE it's a good idea! Now, just go! Don't worry, nopony else saw me or anything, so just don't worry about it. See ya!
~~~
As the clouds went away, both Rainbow and I continued staring for several seconds, before Rainbow broke the silence. "...seems legit."
"To be honest, I thought he would ask us to bring him a shrubbery or something..."
"Well, we can talk more about this shit later..."
"Race you there!"
*"One...two...FIVE!"
"Three, sir!"
"THREE!"
--Monty Python and the Holy Grail
**This is a VERY good tip, by the way: if you're ever starting to feel dizzy or something for some reason, try this, because your brain needs that oxygen.
***This is actually a true story! I was going on a month-long immersion trip to Perú via Walking Tree Travel (whom I highly recommend, by the way), and while we were waiting for the rest of our group to arrive at the Miami International Airport -- our meeting point -- I had said to the group leader "I have a gut feeling that I'm going to miss a perfect game during the course of this trip." Three weeks later, a check of ESPN.com from an Internet Café in Ollantaytambo, Perú proved me right.