I woke up late in the morning again. A fringe benefit of inhabiting another pony’s brain was getting to sleep in while they got ready. By the time I came to, Dash was trotting through her house towards the bathroom.
[Hey.]
Morning, Dude! Isn’t this day off to a great start?
[I uh. . . what do you mean?]
Dash was acting odd, and I knew why. I just couldn’t figure out how my fun times in the bath tub with my female equine body translated to her cheery disposition.
Oh, just that I’ve got big plans today, and I’m so grateful to be back in control of my body to attend to some. . . personal needs.
[Okay, now you’re really worrying me. Is this about the bath tub?]
Don’t be ridiculous! It’s perfectly natural to wake up in an alien body of another species of a different gender and ignore the owner’s request not to stimulate her while in control of it.
She trotted into the bathroom and began to dig through the drawers looking for something.
[Shit, I’m sorry, it was just too much. . . I mean, maybe I was just reading your thoughts again!]
Nice try, Dude. I enjoy a good romp as much as anypony else, but I wouldn’t do it with another pony’s body. What you did was supposed to be private and intimate, not some freak show.
[Sorry, I thought you were okay with it; we were the only ones there. Didn’t you enjoy it?]
You’re right. I did enjoy it, despite your audacity, and that’s why I’m not mad.
[Wait, you’re not mad? Then what’s this really about?]
Oh, just that since you’re so comfortable in my body, now I can teach you about feminine hygiene.
That last statement had me worried, but not nearly as much as knowing I would be powerless to do anything but watch—and feel—whatever devious things were involved in feminine hygiene.
[Please tell me we’re talking about a normal bath, and not—]
Yep! Usually around this time every year mares become receptive to fertilization, beginning a cycle of estrus also known as heat.
[Oh god, you can stop! I know all about that!]
Maybe you know about the human reproductive cycle, but when you’re in control of my body, walking down the street winking—
[Why would I wink at stallions? I don’t want anything to do with them!]
Not that kind of winking. This is stuff you need to know!
[. . . Please stop. Please! What do I have to do?]
Shut up and let me put this damn tampon in.
I shuddered, or at least it felt like it, as I watched her pull a white object out of a wrapper. It was slender, long, and had small flowers printed on it as if that somehow made what was about to happen any better.
So, during her cycle a mare goes through several stages, some of them involving the shedding of. . . excess materials. Thus, from now on you’ll be keeping one of these in and changing it when it’s ‘full’ or every eight hours.
[I just. . . No! No man should have to do that!]
You’re not a man, you’re a guest in my body. A body which, need I remind you, you have been randomly taking over and calling your body! It’s so annoying when you go ‘me, mine, I, my,’ in my body. At best it’s our body.
[Okay, so I’ve gotten on your nerves calling it my body, and the bath tub thing was too far and kind of perverted, but this?!]
This is a perfectly normal part of being a mare. If I were you, I’d get used to it. For all we know, they’ll pull you out of me and turn you into a mare. A very horny and ugly one, if I have anything to say about it.
[Ouch, now you’re just being spiteful. They’ll find a way to send me home.]
Perhaps. Now, eyes front and center.
Dash had positioned herself in front of a mirror and put herself on full display to me. From this angle, without the excitement and hormones from the bath last night, it was not as enjoyable to stare at.
You just insert the tampon like this—
[Stop! That feels so strange!]
What? It’s not even halfway in. Grow some balls.
[Did. . . did you just. . . I’m so confused!]
Welcome to the club, buddy. Now a little further—
[LA LA LA LA LA LA LA, this isn’t happening! LA LA LA LA LA!]
—and pull the applicator back out.
I watched what was my first, and hopefully last, lesson in feminine hygiene in abject horror. Reading something in a textbook in school, and seeing it done to oneself, were very different. It all felt so foreign, and already I knew it would be like the itchy back you always get after a haircut. Now that the infernal contraption was in there, I knew it would be bugging me all day long.
[It’s so annoying.]
Good, I hope it does bug you all day long, Donny-boy.
[Great, more nicknames. Why not call me Susie or Mary?]
Eh, not as fun, Dude.
[Are we done here yet? And how the heck are you gonna get that thing back out?]
Easy, there’s this string to pull it out.
She demonstrated what she meant and I regretted it. This was a far cry from bath tub hijinks, at least in my mind. On the other hand, I sort of deserved a little payback for what I did.
Well, that’s all taken care of. What do you say we go get some breakfast?
[Do they serve bacon and eggs? Maybe some sausage gravy and biscuits?]
I’m going to assume you mean meat, in which case no. Some ponies eat fish, but I'm not in the mood for that right now.
[Do they serve any meat in this town?]
I think one restaurant near the hotel caters to Griffin visitors, but you are not, and I repeat not going to eat meat in my body. Understood?
[Whether or not I eat meat depends on whether or not you stick more things up my—I mean your privates!]
Ugh! You’re such a pervert. Just shut up and maybe I’ll go easy on you later.
[What’s later?]
Do you really want to know?
I pondered it for a moment and decided maybe a little peace and quiet would help us co-exist a little longer. After all, Twilight said we should try to stay separate, or hang on to our personalities, or something. I thought I was paying attention, but that egghead said a lot of stuff that sailed right past me.
Probably shouldn’t be reading my memories, Twilight sai—
[Yeah! I know what she said, I was just having trouble remembering it.]
She said to stop being a jerk. It was kinda nice of you to translate most of the gibberish for me. I swear, every time she starts to lecture us it’s Greek to me.
[That was you, not Twilight, that told me not to be a jerk.]
I continued to poke around in her brain discretely. The sensation of digging through memories was more like swimming than looking for files and folders. When I focused on it, her mind became a three dimensional space.
Inside this space was a labyrinth of interconnected thoughts and feelings. My ‘essence’, for lack of a better term, seemed to float in one corner of her mind, farthest from Dash’s ‘essence’. Near me were all my memories, connected to me, and they were easy to recall.
Farther away, I could ‘push’ myself through the invisible waters of her mind, reaching out to her recollections. Each time I did, pathways would form, connecting me to the memory I was seeking.
It was odd to be able to visualize something modern science had decided was almost unknowable. The human brain was still a mystery for all our advanced technology. Yet here inside of Dash, I was almost able to see her thoughts, recall events long past, and even witness instructions her brain was sending to her muscles.
Don?
The more I focused on it, the more I drifted away from the outside world. The vast webwork grew more clear the harder I focused on it. Hazy memories began to resurface. The smell of lilacs was connected to a beautiful spring day and a picnic with Fluttershy. The smell of ozone lead to a memory of an oncoming rainstorm.
Don!
I felt as if I was letting go, drifting toward the pleasant memories on Dash’s side of the network. The more I could see, the less I wanted to be stuck alone in my little corner of her world.
DON!
The web of memories vanished as I felt something hit the side of Dash’s head. After a moment I realized it had been her hoof, and recalled she had been trying to talk to me.
[Huh?]
Don, what the hell was that?
[What was what?]
You totally vanished on me! One second I could feel you, and the next you were just slipping away!
[I was just reading some of your memories.]
Well, don’t do it again, okay? You had me worried. For a second there I thought something horrible had happened, just like Twilight said!
[I’m sorry. . . I didn’t realize what was happening. Now that I know, I won’t do it again, okay? And next time I’m in control, if you see a labyrinth of memories, almost like a spider web, don’t explore it.]
Thanks for the heads up. Now, do you think you can not scare me like that while I finish breakfast?
[Breakfast? We haven’t left the house yet.]
Its been like half an hour. Just took me a moment to realize you’d slipped off to Narnia.
[That’s a human reference.]
Yeah? Well, you poking around is probably why I keep thinking of human stuff. Can we talk about something else? I hate worrying about things I can’t control.
[That’s a pretty wise statement coming from you. . . I mean, you’re wiser than you look. . . Wait, that didn’t come out right.]
Dash began to laugh and drew the attention of a few other patrons at the salad bar. Half a dozen tables sat outside in the sun, and a full plate of leafy greens sat in front of us.
You’re almost cute when you’re trying not to be an ass.
[Thanks, I think. . . So, please tell me that salad isn’t the main course. You guys at least have fruit? Pizza? Pasta? Something that’s not meat and not vegetables?]
Duh, but that’s a lot of carbs and I haven’t been doing my hourly morning workouts since you moved into my head, so we’re sticking to salad for now.
[Ugh, I hate vegetables.]
Oh, do you?
[Crap, I mean, I love them! I just love meat more.]
“Waiter!” Dash raised a hoof and beckoned him over. “This salad is delicious, could you get another ready? I’m still pretty hungry and this one is nearly done.”
“Of course, Miss.” The waiter left to get another salad.
“Yes, delicious indeed.” Dash smiled at Lyra, who was still giving her an odd look at her behavior. She then grasped a fork in her hoof using a technique I still didn’t quite understand, and took a large bite.
Leafy spinach and crunchy lettuce filled Dash’s mouth. She began to chomp on the vegetables.
Much to my dismay, they weren’t as horrific as I remembered. They almost—and I stress ‘almost’—tasted edible. There was a sweetness to them, perhaps the dressing, and they were so moist and fresh. The taste of the onion wasn’t offensive, nor did the garlic in the dressing make me want to cringe. Even the tomato seemed to perfectly compliment the other flavors when it burst open.
I thought you said you hated salad.
[I do, but this tastes different. On Earth, salad tastes like crap.]
Hmmph. Well, it’s not nearly as fun tormenting you if you enjoy it.
[Speak for yourself. I bet you twenty bucks a steak still tastes ten times better then these magic salads.]
Hah! I thought you hated when I explain stuff as ‘magic’. And now, this salad must be magic because you like the taste!
[That’s not what I mean! You just have different taste buds or something. I suppose that’s for the best, as all that salad and exercise has really toned your flanks.]
I felt Dash blush, and then take a large bite of salad to try and hide this fact from me. After a moment of chewing, she took a sip of water.
You. . . did you just compliment me? You find me attractive?
[Is that bad now?]
Why do you even like ponies? What happened to liking humans? Are the women that ugly on your planet?
[I don’t know. I like some humans, and the women are that ugly where I come from. I didn’t get out much. As for liking ponies, I don’t know. Part of me knows it isn’t natural, but another part, maybe it’s you, doesn’t find a problem with it.]
Yeah, well do me a favor and try to like ponies less. I don’t want you getting tempted to smack some poor mare’s flank as she walks by us.
[Deal. And, uh. . . he’s back with your salad. Are you gonna finish it?]
Dash smiled and thanked the waiter before picking at the second salad. I noticed it came with sliced eggs and croutons among the many vegetables. This time I paid more attention to which vegetables she was eating. I tried hard to remember how they tasted on Earth, and how they tasted here. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t quite recall how any of them had tasted.
As we sat and enjoyed the meal, I heard a pony walk up alongside us. “Dash, how wonderful to run into you!” Rarity said.
By the time Dash had turned to face her, I’d already picked up several memories about her. I tried to turn off my connection to her, but it was easier said than done. Memories of Gala dresses, Diamond Dogs, and the town drama queen flooded into my mind.
“Hey, Rare, what’s up?” Dash said.
“Oh, I’ve been looking all over for you. I have that. . .” Rarity glanced around and lowered her voice. “Special outfit you asked for.”
Dash almost choked on a bit of lettuce she had been chewing and started to blush. “I, uh—later! I’ll come by later and pick it up. Much later.”
“Come on, Dash, I haven’t even tailored it yet! We simply must get it ready in time,” Rarity whined.
[Not now! Didn’t Twilight talk to you?]
I chuckled as Dash spoke in my mind, and I felt myself moving her forelegs. I looked down at the salad, tossing one of the tomatoes in my mouth before pushing it away. “Okay, let’s go, Rarity.”
She smiled and levitated a few bits onto the table. “Marvelous, follow me.”
[No, Dude, don’t go with her! It’s not that kind of dress, and she takes forever to tailor stuff! Plus, she talks too much!]
A woman who talks too much? Preposterous!
[I’m serious, please. . . It’s private, just don’t follow her in. For me?]
Bah, where’s the fun in that? I didn’t want a tampon but I got one. Let’s go see what she made you.
[Ugh, fine. Mark my words, you’ll regret this. . . and not because of me. Oh no, what Rarity has in store is far worse than anything I could do.]
I laughed out loud at her threat and noticed Rarity looking at me with an eyebrow raised. “Oh, it was nothing, Rarity. Just a little joke from earlier. Say, have you seen Twilight?”
“Oh, not since before the party yesterday. Why, did you two have plans?”
Looks like somepony doesn’t know I’m a human yet.
“No, just curious. Say, have you been working out? Your flanks are so well-defined and white.”
Rarity blushed and bumped into me. “Hush, Dash, not in public. You always did love to tease everypony in town. At least now that you’re dating Soarin the rumors will die down a little.”
I followed Rarity into a building which I assumed was her store. As the door closed behind me, I noticed dresses and suits everywhere. Mannequins lined the inside of the windows and displayed her finest fashions, and in the corner she had a setup with mirrors I assumed was where she did her tailoring.
[And now you’re screwed.]
Huh? I thought I came here to embarrass you.
[There’s one thing you need to know about Rarity, one thing above all others if you value your masculinity or coolness: she makes the girliest outfits in Equestria.]
I chuckled as I followed Rarity over to the corner and stepped onto a small platform in front of the mirrors. “Okay, so what kind of frilly dress are you fitting Dash for today?” I said.
Rarity gave me a puzzled look with her head tilted. “Are you feeling okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just uh. . . nervous?”
“Well don’t be, darling, Soarin will absolutely love your outfit.”
“Wait, Soarin?!” I took a step back from her, bumping into one of the mirrors.
[Ahahahahah!]
As Dash continued to laugh, Rarity levitated a mannequin out containing the clothing in question. “Yes, it’s right here. You requested it when you started dating him.”
“Oh no, there’s been a misunderstanding! I left my oven on!” I muttered. “Someone has to feed Tank!”
Rarity set the mannequin down, but her horn continued to glow. I started to creep away from the tailoring booth she had set up. “Dash, I know how. . . uncomfortable you are being girly. Trust me, this is an outfit Soarin will absolutely die for.”
“Yep, but I changed my mind. We’ll work on this tomorrow!”
Rarity grinned mischievously, her eyes narrowing. “You did give me specific instructions to make sure you didn’t get cold hooves. After all, any stallion with a nose will be smelling that odor you’re putting off. You’ve gone into estrus, haven’t you darling?”
The shutters around the building began to close and I heard what could have been the door locking. I was starting to panic, and all because of that damn sexy outfit sitting in front of me.
[Haha, she’s right! Normally I’d be pretty embarrassed by this, but you’re even worse!]
“And the best cure for that itch is a nice set of lingerie and a handsome stallion,” Rarity chuckled and brushed her tail across Dash’s flank.
She’s a bit lacking in subtlety.
As Dash laughed at me—partly for ignoring her warning, and partly for what came next—I realized how red my cheeks had turned. They were burning from my blushing, and when I looked in the mirror they nearly matched the streaks of red in my hair.
“Dash, you’ve made your bed and you’ll have to lie in it,” Rarity said. She then chuckled, realizing her own play on words.
“So. . . what happens now?” I asked, continuing to back away until I bumped into the wall. I slid down onto my plot and leaned back. “Because I’m not liking where this is going.”
Rarity looked down at me and frowned. “You’re acting like a foal. Now get up and put on the maid’s outfit or I’ll do it for you.”
I shook my head and crossed my legs. “No.”
Rarity sighed. “This is for your own good. You wanted my advice on dating, and when Soarin mounts you, you’ll thank me.”
Oh god, please don’t let that happen.
[Haha, your attitude had better improve or I just might!]
Please, don’t joke like that! I’ll tell everypony about what you and that colt in flight camp did behin—
[Get outta my memories, dammit!]
I felt my hooves leave the ground and began kicking my legs around. Rarity had levitated me in her magic and set me down on the pedestal in front of the mirrors. I felt something at my hooves and looked down. She had actually tied a bolt of fabric around my back hooves to keep me from running.
“What kind of tailor shop are you running here?!” I shouted.
“Now, Dash, a lady does not raise her voice. Do I need to give you another lesson on your manners around stallions while I measure you for this outfit?”
[Yeah, Dude, make a smart ass remark. I dare you! Let her lecture you for an hour on manners!]
Quit being so cocky, you’re stuck here too!
[Yeah, but it’s a lot funnier from where I’m sitting.]
I sighed in defeat and lowered my head. “Okay, go ahead.”
“Now, since you’re being difficult I’ll have to dress you like a foal,” Rarity explained.
“But I’m not—”
“Uh uh, Dash. Give me your right leg.”
Rarity had levitated the maid outfit in front of me. My right foreleg was first to slide into its sleeve, and the left foreleg soon followed. Finally, she pulled it up over my head and down my neck. After only a couple moments, I was wearing a black silk dress.
The maid’s outfit covered my forelegs down to their first joint, likely the equivalent of an elbow. The tight, black silk ended in a frilly white lace. Already I had vowed never to set foot in this den of horrors again.
Rarity nudged my wings through the openings in the back and I felt a long string being drawn taut. It caused the dress to tighten up and cling to my ribs, causing the whole outfit to become form fitting. The dress ended just in front of Dash’s cutie mark, and I could feel it cling tightly to my flanks.
I shuddered. You enjoying this?
[Eh, I’ve been through worse. Your reactions are priceless though!]
And you look like a young mare from an adult film about to have sex with the pizza delivery pony.
[What?! I’d never! You take that back!]
Make me, sissy girl!
[Shut up! And to think I was considering being nice to you!]
If this is your idea of being nice, I think I’d prefer mean.
Bringing my attention back to Rarity, I realized something fuzzy was clinging to my hooves. At some point she had fit small silk socks to them which were a matching shade of black with small white flowers and vines near the top of them.
Rarity deserved credit for being skilled at her craft. She was levitating tape measurers, pins, needles, thread, and scissors around me all at the same time. I almost wished I hadn’t looked, because there were at least a dozen sharp objects in play at any given moment adjusting my dress. Just one wrong move, one attempt at escape, and she could cut me with any number of them.
I was trapped, so I let her continue her work. A low growl was the only protest I gave when she fastened a bonnet around my head. She adjusted it, did the buttons on my chest, and finally took a step back.
“Are we done here?” I asked, tapping a foot on the floor impatiently. “Seriously, Dash, I can’t believe you tricked me into coming here just to see me in a maid’s outfit.”
[Dude, you said that out loud.]
Rarity looked baffled as I spoke to myself. “Dash, whatever do you mean? You’ve been acting odd and talking to yourself.”
“Of course!” I complained. “You haven’t seen Twilight yet, so she hasn’t told you I’m not Dash! I’m a human, and Dash is stuck in here with me. She’s getting quite a kick out of it, too.”
Rarity shook her head and, surprisingly, loosened the cloth from my hind legs. “There’s only a couple more touches and you can go, there’s no need for pranks or lies. Besides, I know it’s you, Dash. You’re acting exactly like you always do when I need to fit you for a dress. You’re lucky I haven’t replaced that bolt of fabric with hoofcuffs to keep you still.”
“Great, so you and Twilight both own BDSM toys.” My words caused her to blush and look away.
[Oh no, Rarity, he doesn’t know yet!]
Rarity returned her gaze to me. “Is. . . her dungeon as good as mine?”
“What?! I was kidding! She kidnapped me and strapped me to this wooden board and had manacles and chains and everything! It was horrifying!”
Rarity moaned softly, and levitated out a pair of lace panties.
“What is wrong with you ponies?!” I shouted.
“Huh?” Rarity looked at me and at the panties. “Oh, this is the last part of your outfit. Are you going to put them on like a good filly, or am I going to have to punish you after this?”
“I just—you—Dash! It’s your turn, I don’t wanna play anymore,” I exclaimed. My pleas went unanswered as I stayed in full control of her body.
As Rarity closed in with the underwear I sighed and lifted my legs up one at a time. I felt them slide up my flanks and snugly attach to my female anatomy. My tail was pulled through a hole in the lingerie designed to keep them tightly in place.
Dash, of course, was laughing uncontrollably in my mind again. That must have been quite the freak show for her, knowing it was really a man being dressed up in a French maid’s outfit.
Your friends are all crazy. Seriously, the only normal one was Fluttershy and maybe Applejack, and if either of them have a dungeon I swear I’m flying straight to the moon and never coming back.
“You look lovely, Dash! Would you like to see it with a little makeup?”
I turned to face the mirrors and looked at myself. My jaw fell open as I took in the sight before me. It made no sense to wear socks, yet there they were on my—on Dash’s hooves. The more I thought of this as my body, the more my mind found ponies attractive. What my human self saw as slightly bizarre, the growing equine side of me saw as oddly erotic. The way they clung to my calves and softened my hoofsteps was incredible.
[Quit checking me out, you perv!]
But I—look at you! That maid’s outfit is incredible. It’s like a second skin, I can see every curve—
[PERVERT! That’s my body you’re ogling at. Show a little class!]
What, like you’re not enjoying the view? Go ahead and admit it: you’re hot.
[That’s not the point! Of course I look hot. I’ve got the best ass and flanks in Equestria! I can fly further and buck harder than any mare! Oh Celestia, now you’re making me get turned on!]
Hey, if I can’t find it sexy, then at least you can.
[Well you were Mr. Worried about our memories getting mixed up, and now you think it’s funny that you find ponies sexy!]
Actually, I find it sexy that they’re sexy.
Our argument was interrupted by the door to the shop clicking, then opening up. A small bell rang as a guest let themselves in, uninvited. Rarity quickly pulled the curtain in front of me and went to get the door.
“We’re closed!” Rarity shouted as she walked over.
“Rarity? I was looking for Dash, and Pinkie said she was here,” Twilight said.
She’s like a bloodhound.
[That’s Pinkie Pie.]
“She’s not here, and I have a customer here for an order of my evening wear. You will leave now and let my client have her privacy,” Rarity explained.
“Oh, but I could have sworn I saw Dash go in here,” Pinkie said. “And I can see hooves under that curtain!”
[Wait, that is Twilight and Pinkie?! Oh no, please don’t let them see me like this!]
What’s in it for me?
Rarity cleared her throat. “Please, come back later? If I see Dash, I’ll send her your way.”
“There’s something else, Rarity. Dash is having some problems right now,” Twilight explained. “She’s been possessed by some sort of alien, but it was some kind of accident.”
[One, I’d never live it down if they see me in lingerie! Everypony would think I’m some frou-frou schoolmare with a crush on Soarin. And two, they’ll know it’s really you dressing up like a French maid and I’ll tell them it’s all your idea!]
Not a very good plan, but I sort of deserved this mess for not listening to you. I’ll keep quiet, but we’re getting out of here after that and taking this ridiculous fantasy-wear off.
[Deal!]
The bell sounded as the door closed. Then the curtain swung open and I did my best to hide behind a nearby mannequin.
“So, Don, Twilight just explained you and Dash’s situation to me.” Rarity stood there frowning, but at least she was alone. Twilight and Pinkie had left.
“Heh, yeah, about that. . .” I fidgeted around in the silky dress, which was distracting me from rational thought. It was just too much to take in at once, and now I had an angry fashionista to deal with.
“I had no idea a male would find wearing a maid’s outfit so erotic. I suggest that the things we discussed here today remain private, or every single pony will know about this little stunt you and Dash pulled.”
[Hey, none of this was my idea!]
“Yeah, Rarity, Dash actually warned me not to come here. She knew it was for this. . .” I waved a hoof up and down the outfit, “ridiculous getup.”
“Ridic—ridiculous?!” Rarity huffed in anger and stomped a foot. “I’ve never been so insulted!”
“Whoa, back up! It’s actually really sexy and, uh. . . awesome! Yeah, we really like it, and I’d totally go have tons of sex in it but Dash won’t let me! I mean, I don’t want to!”
[Where’s a speeding train when you need something to jump in front of. . .]
Crap, what do we do? What do I say?!
“I’m onto you now, Don. You go running around laughing and modeling lingerie as poor Dash is stuck watching. Now, out with you! Don’t come back unless Dash is in control!”
Rarity began pulling the dress off me with her magic, somehow getting it all off of me without damaging it or knocking me off balance. She then used a bolt of fabric to smack my flank and chase me out of her store.
I stumbled out into the bright sunlight and looked around. Several ponies saw me exit the shop in a hurry and began to whisper to each other.
Well, that could have gone better.
[Yeah, but it could have gone much worse. Come on, I bet Twilight had something important to tell us.]
It better be good news or I’m going to punch somepony! I mean someone! Dammit!
Dash chuckled and I headed down the road towards Twilight’s house. I looked up at the sun and sighed. I still had a long day ahead of me.