Silverstar stared at the calendar, willing the days to change. He also stared at the image of a collection of morning glories photographed at the Royal Canterlot Botanical Gardens. He was getting a bit hungry as the day stretched towards noon, but he was more interested in the date. A line of red X's ran from the day he had been thrown out by Cordelia, aiming for a red circle, the arrival of the circuit judge. A small gulf of unmarked days ran between the last X and the circle.
“This never wouldda happened some place with a steady judge. But, can't complain too much. It's gonna happen...” Silverstar muttered to himself, pulling his eyes away from the division and back towards his office. He had not been very successful in hiding that he lived there.
His clothing hung about, in various states of dryness, or in various states of wrinkling. His spare hats were hung all over, as though he had half a dozen guests in for tea. His trinkets such as carvings and small statues were all over the place. He had personalized the station so much he could practically lay out a welcome mat and just start calling it his home.
He gave a sigh and a shrug. There was nothing to do. The reality was as it was and he was rather well stuck with it. He was rather well stuck with a lot of things. A sudden pang stabbed through his gut as he considered one of those things. He was still severed from Cactus. He hadn't felt the brush of her fur or the tender softness of her lips for over two weeks. He still heard her voice, he was a regular at her performances, but it almost seemed to make the separation more painful.
It was different, he reflected, than the times before, when their relationship had been just as clandestine but he was still at home. He was sometimes away from her for days at a time, sometimes even missing her performances to keep Cordelia in the dark. However, he knew what the real difference was. At that time, had he wanted to, he could slip out to Cactus's side and love her all he wanted. They could leave town and come back, and there was almost nothing to it.
With the eyes of the town on him and all attention given to his every contact he couldn't do that. His abstinence from the pleasure of her company was absolute. His honor would not permit him to break the painful promise he had made to her, to preserve her reputation until he was legally separated. He'd need to tough out the lack of her split hooves running across his cheeks or down his back, her feather-light kisses, the whispered nothings tickling the cup of his ear...
His shower was still mostly cold, even in the middle of the day, and it set his head back on right. He couldn't just keep thinking about her. He'd wind up making flower crowns with Discord in no time. He needed every distraction possible, and he had exhausted most all of the ones that presented themselves.
He liked evenings out with Clarion and Howling. They were really a nice couple, but he had imposed on them more than enough. They needed nights in with their children. He'd had a few nice lunchtime conversations with Braeburn and Little Strongheart, when she wasn't carving and he had some time off from the orchard. Another nice pair but he was uncomfortably reminded of what he lacked.
He'd spent a bit of time with First Edition but the rotund newsstallion had always veered away from his daughter's budding romance to questions about the impending divorce. Silverstar couldn't fault him; it was a juicy story. But he wanted to remain private. It was somewhat similar attempting to spend some time with Balance Beam. She was a kind, grandmotherly mare, but she continuously tried to steer the conversation to the imposition of heavy alimony, a punitive measure for all of Cordelia's faults and abuses. In a weak moment Silverstar had given it a thought before turning the idea aside sharply. He wanted out, not her money, though could not deny Cordelia needed some sort of castigation for her actions.
The rest of the kind ponies, and others, of Appleoosa had given him some attention, advice and attempts at a good time to distract his mind. He was invited to far more poker games than was really prudent for a sheriff, and it wasn't much fun when he had to force cheaters to pay a fine. He went stampeding with a few of the buffalo, with special dispensation to enter tribal land. The rush of earth mana was quite nice but it was just another reminder of what he was missing. He had conversations, wonderful visits and more free pies and cakes than he could eat.
Even with all that it felt a little empty. He was too aware it was just a distraction, something to try and pull his mind away from missing Cactus. The others didn't know, of course; Morton was the only one who knew and he was keeping very quiet. Silverstar knew he knew and that just made it more clear he was marking time. It made the days pour like molasses in winter, sluggish hour by sluggish hour.
A rumble in his stomach brought him back to the present. Lunch. He could go out; he was trying to conserve his bits but they would be reasonable to him at the restaurant. Somepony might even feel like treating him. Morton had some small food stock at the bar, but going there when there wasn't a stage to divide him from Cactus was asking for trouble.
His decision was to stay in, with half a blackberry pie from one of the older mares and some kind of odd root-stuffed-with-mushroom baked dish from one of the miners. Odd as it sounded it was surprisingly delicious, even a day old. The two made for a more-than-passable meal.
Leftovers, eaten while sitting behind his desk, trying not to think about Cactus. Silverstar had to admit, life had certainly made him come to an interesting definition of 'passable.' It wasn't a bad thing, it was rather cozy, as there was no sense of pressure or menace from demands of propriety, nor were there unkind words being said about some group. Still, it was a meal in the sheriff's station. Not a very normal thing.
With his simple repast completed, Silverstar considered a jaunt around town, another round of patrol and greeting. It was his job after all. With no pressing matters, however, it would serve as little more than a way to digest his meal and be seen by all, assuring them once more that he was perfectly fine. He'd get a few smiles, some nods, and a few awkward stares. Something he was used to.
“Cordelia must be getting worse...” He said, a smile slipping onto his face though he pushed it back down. That wasn't nice. But... she had earned it. She hadn't exactly ingratiated herself to the citizens of the town. She swept in her her fake aristocratic bearing and her Pericarp haughtiness, flashing her family heirlooms and family bits. Even the richer folks in town didn't really like her. They put up with her for appearance's sake.
Since he had been the one to get the news out first, everyone assumed that Cordelia was to blame. It wasn't hard to imagine that being the case, given that everyone had seen the bandages and suspected a lot of the details. He had pointedly been avoiding Cordelia since she had packed up his things and shipped them off to him, using the mail just out of spite. He didn't know the state of her treatment but it was probably bad.
He held no real ill will towards her. There was still some small ember of love for the image he had of her. But the image was far from the reality, as he had rather painfully learned. He just wanted her to go on her way to a circumstance that suited her. He even held out hope she could reform her view into one that was more sensible, more kind, more genuinely Equestrian. But if she could not, it wasn't much of a matter. She would be away, free to live her life, and he could live his.
With Cactus.
- - -
Cactus was discovering that life was hard to fill without someone to love, if that life was once pleasantly borne along on love. She had been happy on her own, but was out of practice in keep herself happy and entertained.
She was not bitter about the attention that Silverstar was getting from the folks in town. They knew of his pain and his loneliness. As far as they knew she was still single. He did deserve it, he was losing so much, and was going through it fairly well alone. He was just a stallion, after all. Like a bull, a bit lost without a mare or cow with him.
She had exhausted her rehearsal opportunities early and did not wish to putter around the Salt Block, which was the most neutral location in town. So she had taken to helping Morton with his cleaning and setup, as well as serving those customers that came in early for whatever reason. They were all a bit surprised but very pleased to be served by a beautiful buffalo cow, especially one they knew from the stage.
It wasn't her ideal means of distraction, but it worked to keep his mind silent. She also learned the important parts of a new trade. She was going to need more skills in case she had to take a second job once she and Silverstar had become a real couple. Working in a saloon was not that bad. It would certainly make for a good way to make bits.
“Mister Morton, I must say that while I understand the reason...” Cactus began, during a lull in activity. She was polishing the glassware and Morton was stocking the salt pouches.
“Ah know. Ya miss him,” Morton interrupted, carefully measuring out the large, coarse grains of some of the fancy processed salt he had imported from some chateau in central Equestria. Got a good deal on it, and he was ready to see a profit. “Sisters know ya used ta get all of him that ya wanted, and all the trips a body could want outta town ta the beautiful places in Equestria.”
“I am not needful, in the sense that I cannot live without him. I have only come to realize that... life is dull and bland without him. He was the... salt to my meal,” Cactus said, while she arranged the salt plates behind the bar.
“That's love. Ah think we all feel it in life. It ain't nothin' strange 'r wrong. Ya'd rather be there, huggin' up ta him, helpin' him out. 'Cause ah 'spect ya can tell he's jes as miserable and mopey as you,” Morton said, with an even tone.
Cactus winced a little but, but did not get mad. Morton was not trying to be unkind. He was being honest, and such honesty was what she really needed. “He is just a stallion. Cut loose, drifting, alone. He is very fortunate the others in town are being nice to him, helping fill the empty days.”
“His job ain't much, not 'round these parts. We're Equestrians here, very peaceable. Plus with the buffalo 'round spreadin' their good cheer and happiness there ain't much fer a trained lawstallion ta do,” Morton said with a shake of his head. “If it weren't for them nice folks ah think he'd be out in the wilds jabberin' with th' little animals.”
“Indeed, he would feel even more abandoned and terrible. What makes it more painful is that he has brought this on himself. He wanted me to stay away so that I would not bring shame onto myself. He wished none to know until after his separation. Though I understand... it is not easy to live out the comprehension,” Cactus sighed, leaning heavily on the bar.
“He's a good fella, and yer a fine cow fer offerin' him a bit of happiness. Y'all 're jes right fer one another. Makes ya wish ya had met a while before, don't it?” Morton asked, a certain shine coming to his eyes. “Yep, ya'd be the cutest thing, bein' like one-a them romantic movies, maybe serenadin' him like ladies do ta stallions, 'r some such thing...”
A smile pulled at Cactus's lips, and she let herself indulge in the image. She, brushed and nervous, singing beneath Silverstar's window, hoping he'd respond favorably. She knew the sort of movies Morton meant; Silverstar and her dates into big cities had included plenty of those kinds of movies. They were wonderfully sweet, and a perfect time for long, slow kisses.
Had she been his wife first he never would have been unhappy. Had she been his wife first, of course, he would have been sad and lonely for a long while. There was a reality to things. They never would have met until after the pie war, and never could have been close until after the Gale-Bells had gone public. The past was what it was, unchanging and set. He had married Cordelia first, he had suffered in silence, and he had met Cactus at just the right moment.
“Perhaps I cannot change the past, nor can I make all that happened go away. But I know what he needs most, and I refuse to be afraid of what must be done,” Cactus said suddenly. “Mister Morton, can I ask you for a favor? It involves you and your guitar.”
“Always glad ta lend ya a hoof, Cactus. 'Specially when ah get ta strum the ol' guitar. Gonna do some more practice somewheres private?” Morton asked.
“No... I have a very public thing that I must do. I will understand if you do not wish to do this but... I am going to go singing down the streets of Appleoosa and...” Cactus drifted off, face set and determined.
“Say no more, ma'am. Ah don't gotta know the details. Ah think ah can guess. Mighty bold of ya, ma'am, but ah didn't 'spect nothin' less from the cow that can wrangle Silverstar,” Morton said, vanishing upstairs and returning with a guitar slung across his chest. “We leavin' right away?”
“I think it would be best to not hesitate. I could think better of this and I do not want serious thought to interrupt this rash action,” Cactus replied with a nervous laugh.
Morton gave the guitar a few experimental plucks, adjusting the strings a bit and getting the base sound just right. For a walking performance he'd need to do a lot of chin-chords so he made certain he was limbered up before he gave Cactus the nod.
They set off from the saloon with relatively little pomp, nothing but the determined thump of Cactus' hooves and the light strumming of Morton's guitar providing a running commentary of their position. They attracted a little notice, but most folks weren't interested enough to peel off from their daily activities. That changed when Cactus opened her mouth.
The whole town knew, by and large, what the buffalo cow sounded like. They knew her voice was as pure and sweet as the voice of one of the Princesses. But on that day it was loaded with extra passion, extra force, and heaping globs of love. It was so full of love the first ones to start following were the few local Changelings who had come around seeking work. They were not the sole followers for very long.
The singing, backed by Morton's guitar, was not just beautiful to hear. There was a depth of meaning behind it. The listeners didn't understand what it was. But they knew that when Cactus started singing about love, devotion and determination, she meant every word.
The strange parade grew longer as Cactus and Morton made a circuit of the town, picking up any stray listener they found. Most just wanted to keep listening, and a few also wondered what was coming. It was clear there was more to it than just a concern in the open air. Cactus' dedicated hooves and golden voice were aimed somewhere and for someone. Solving the mystery would be almost as much of a pleasure as listening to the tune.
The mystery was solved a bit before the end of the trail. Everyone could see the Sheriff's Office right at the end of Cactus' route, and comprehension traveled from mind to mind as they put the pieces together. The stallion to be divorced, being serenaded by one of the most eligible bachelorettes in town. Some thought it was a new attraction; some recalled little hints that suggested more; some concocted the relationship from the small clue of her approaching the station; they were all right that her destination was Silverstar.
Silverstar was out the door before he really knew what was happening. He heard music all wrapped up in the murmuring of a crowd too large to be the usual milling group at that time of the day. His first thought was some kind of a panic, perhaps something that required the law. His second thought was of the singing. He was disarmed and entranced by the familiar bright, sweet tone of Cactus' voice. His final thought was shock, surprise and a little fear when he realized what Cactus was singing.
He ran up to Cactus at the head of her own personal parade and asked, “Wh-what is goin' on here? What're all these folks doin' followin' ya around ta the station?”
The beatific look of calm serenity that had been on Cactus' features fell in an instant, when she had to confront the reality of what she was doing. How foolish. How improper. But how necessary. “They wanted to hear me sing. Sing... for you...”
“W-w-well, that's mighty kind of ya but, ah always see ya down at Morton's. Howdy there, Morton. Good ta see ya pickin' and helpin' Cactus out,” Silverstar said, tipping his hat in Morton's direction. He got a head-nod back.
“It is not the same, and we both know it. We both know that this... cannot continue. I know you want only what is best for me but it does us no good to suffer,” Cactus said, approaching Silverstar but stopping before she touched him. “If we do this, continue like this, Cordelia continues to win.”
Silverstar let out an exasperated sigh but gave a nod all the same. “Y'aint wrong... Ah wish it weren't so but ya ain't wrong...”
“I know that there will be... things thought, perhaps whispered or even said. This is wrong, in many ways. We've been wrong for a long time, but we do want to make it right. I think that counts for a lot. I think that will cure our being wrong,” Cactus said, bravely stepping up and pressing herself comfortably against Silverstar, the crowd erupting into soft gasps.
Silverstar hesitated for a moment, eyes on the crowd. They were whispering, and looking right at both of them. Right at Cactus. He was ruining her. Destroying her. He... loved her too much to just let her languish. She loved him enough to risk it. If she was willing to take that upon herself, he would be ungentlecoltly if he did not accept. His forelegs wrapped securely around her, and he squeezed her tight. “It ain't wrong ta love ya. It's the only right thing ah've done in mah life, when it comes ta the heart. Ah ain't gonna let ya go, Cactus. Not long as you'll have me.” He slowly brought his head down, and pressed his lips firmly against hers.
The crowd that had been following them erupted into stomping applause, hoots, hollers and cheers ringing out across the dusty expanse while hats, bonnets and headbands were tossed into the air.
The raucous celebration of love, however, didn't interrupt Cactus and Silverstar at all. The world could very well have vanished, for all they could tell. The two were lost in a world of their own making, finally sharing a kiss in the sunlight, unafraid.