After suffering the humiliation of the irritating green unicorn’s examination, Miss Sparkle offered little Spike’s services in filling out the required paperwork for the ‘big brother’ program.
“There ya are, Tallic.” Applejack stated as she trotted up to us. “Just so ya know, the repairs didn’t cost that much, so I deposited the rest in the bank for ya. Also, Pinkie’s... now don’t get like that, she wanted me to tell you because she knows she’s a mite more exuberant than ya like.”
I unclenched my talons and dropped a bit of sod they had torn up.
“Thank you for taking care of that for me.” I said shakily. “What was that you were saying about... Pinkie Pie?””
“Well, she’s planning Steelskin’s get well party for this evening. Doc Pulse was gonna get him hitched up to a fancy walking rig tomorrow, but she talked him into today so he’d be able to move around here in the courtyard. Party’s planned for five, but you’ll prob’ly want ta come a bit earlier ta make sure you’ve got some room.”
“Okay, Tallic.” Spike interrupted. “All we need is your hoof-I mean talon print to make this official.”
He held the document flat as I dipped a claw into the inkwell and put a crescent shaped smear on it. He then rolled it up and lit it on fire with his green flame.
I was about to yell at him about destroying our hard work when I remembered what he said about his breath’s teleportation magic.
“There. It’s on her desk.” He said proudly. “Now we’ll just need to check on those affidavits. Twilight’s already left one with Miss Sweetheart, so we just need to get two more.”
After the crusaders left, I lay thinking about how mean I was to them and crying into my pillow. I think I dozed off for a while because I woke to Tallic calling to me from my window.
“Greetings, little one.” He said with his eye pressed up to the window like he normally did.
“Hi, Tallic.” I said, wiping the tears out of my eyes and smiling at him.
“So, do you still have that scale I gave you?” He asked.
I was surprised and a little offended. “Of course I do, it’s right there on the chair.” I said, pointing to my chestplate.
“No, the first one I gave you.” He chuckled.
“Oh.” I nervously pulled out the scrap that remained of that first scale. “I got a little... hungry.”
“Hmmm...” He purred. “Impressive. The humans I taught barely got tooth marks into it after a week.”
Tallic is impressed with me!
Hearing his praise made me feel happier than I had since before mom and dad said we were moving.
After spending some time with Steelskin, I flew back to my cave, irritated that I was spending so much time away from it and leaving my hoard unguarded.
I sniffed carefully, to make sure no one had entered while I was gone. I was relieved to catch no scent but a few small creatures that apparently stopped at the cave mouth before skittering off somewhere else.
After assuring myself that my cave was undisturbed, I settled myself on my hoard to catch up on my sleep.
Tallic left when Miss Cheerilee came in to help me catch up on my schoolwork. Luckily, we were still less than two weeks into the school year and my old school was a bit further along, so there wasn’t too much she needed to explain to me.
“So, did you have many friends in Baltimare?” She asked after we finished my math homework.
We talked about hoofball and how the pegasus gangs that settled in the neighborhood made my parents request transfers to ponyville. Only my mom was actually able to get reassigned, my dad had to up and quit the local guard, but was hoping to find some work as either a bodyguard or farm hand.
We were interrupted by Nurse Redheart saying we were going to try some physical therapy. Miss Cheerilee wished me a good evening as I was harnessed to a pair of wheels.
“These will take most of your weight, but your hind legs will still need to help push you forward.” She explained as she finished tightening the straps and then helped me put on my chestplate.
The humming from it comforted me after my reminder of my parents.
As we went out the doors, a bonfire erupted in the center of the courtyard.
”Surprise!”
I roused myself from my hoard watching as the time grew close for the party. Normally, I would avoid such gatherings, but it was obvious that key ponies were expecting me. I paused at the mouth of the cave, irritated that I would have to leave my hoard unguarded again. Maybe one of the magic users could make me some traps to guard it while I am gone.
Flying high over the town, I arrived while they were still setting up and found myself a place almost directly across the bonfire from the door into the courtyard.
While I watched the preparations, Matt sauntered up to me.
“Sorry, I left so quickly, the auras surrounding alicorns aren’t exactly the best for our health, I get a little… twitchy when I’m around Luna. I’m just wanting to double check that we’re over our little misunderstanding. It’s kind of annoying having to deal with the itch of broken ribs being repaired… twice in a week.” He kept his tone casual and I was impressed with how well he kept himself from sounding pleading or threatening or even just annoyed.
“We are pax. I will not attack preemptively as long as I have your word that you will assume the best with my actions.” I replied.
“I’m pretty easy to get along with, I tend to follow the rules of engagement that I practically had beaten into me. You’re not an enemy and as long as you don’t behave in a manner that threatens civilians I’m not allowed to take anything other than preventative measures. Plus I think you’re the kind of… Dragon that wouldn’t lie about your intent, your word is gold as far as I’m concerned. Even if you’re likely to just eat it.” As he said this, he handed over what he would probably have called a five gallon cake. I popped it into my mouth, noting the iron wrapper.
Chocolate, nuggets of iron ore, some silver bits, and... sapphires.
I would not have chosen sapphires, but I was surprised at how well it complemented the metals.
“Very good, please tell Miss Pie that she did an excellent job.” I said with what I hoped was a happy smile.
A moment later, Steelskin’s teacher came out and announced he was on his way. A couple minutes after that, all the ponies yelled ‘Surprise’ as he walked out. I gave my own greeting and watched sadly as most of the ponies jumped away from me like I was Pinkie Pie.
I tried to sit back on my haunches and found myself rolling backwards. Suddenly, a strange trumpeting roar erupted from behind the bonfire and everypony jumped. I, on the other hoof, instantly recognized Tallic’s voice, even if I never heard that greeting before and eagerly rushed towards him.
Pinkie Pie was immediately at my side as we trotted through the well wishers.
“Do ya like your party? Hi Lyra. I’m sorry it took- glad you could make it, Bons- so long to have a welcome to ponyville party. How’s it going, Matt? So I had to make this the best welcome- Hey, Stronghammer, are you still gonna get that gryphon apprentice? -and get well soon party I’ve ever done.”
The constant greetings made it hard to follow what she was saying, but it did help me get through the crowd faster. “Hi Tallic,” She said as we got close to him, “don’t worry, I’ll keep myself calm even though you’re so super awesome I really wanna fangirl everytime I see you. Oh, and be careful at the punch table, I keep some hot sauce over there for my cupcakes, but Twi keeps reminding me that not everypony likes it.”
She put her hoof up to the side of her mouth like she was going to whisper something. “Twi poured herself a glass of it when I threw her her welcome party.” She said in her normal voice.
“Hi Tallic!”
A shudder of fear ran through my body.
“Greetings, Pinkie Pie.” I replied, cursing Bahamut that I had no way to run.
Thankfully, she kept her distance and let Steelskin approach me alone.
He settled himself, with the nurse’s help, between my forelegs and we greeted all the well-wishers that had come. Trace brought a keg of mead for me, saying he had brewed it himself, and a mug for Steelskin. I was slightly concerned by how much of my keg Steelskin drank, but the adults assured me that it was unsalted, whatever that meant.
Apparently, as the strongest male here, I became the magnet for the rest of the males and soon had not only Matt and Trace, but also Alex, Big Mac, Stronghammer, and a few other stallions drinking with me.
“So, Tallic,” Big Mac asked me. “You go for salt, or is alcohol your thing?”
“Ah, so that is why you are fine with minors drinking.” I replied as I slipped Steelskin one of the metal filled cupcakes. “I assume by your question that salt is your inebriant.”
“Eeyup.” Big Mac answered.
“Ether ore.”
“Yes!” A voice disturbingly like the pink one’s whispered loudly. No one else seemed fazed by it and, thankfully, they pretended not to notice my flinch.
“What’s that?” Matt asked.
“It’s a magical ore that can be refined into either mana potions or materia crystals; special gems that can be used to enchant weapons and armor.” Trace volunteered.
Both Matt and Alex let out a groan as their heads sunk into the palms of their hands while I let out a chuckle.Trace looked a little embarrassed.
“I first tasted ether ore in a land called ‘Xanth’. One of the few realities where there were no heroes seeking to kill me for honor and glory.” My smile faded as I remembered the one problem I experienced there. “Sadly, it went heavy on the puns... and took them literally.”
The ponies looked at me in curiosity. “What’s a pun?” Steelskin asked.
I looked in confusion at the creatures surrounding me. The ponies were sitting patiently and waiting for an answer. The humans, on the other claw, were grinning their smug human grins like this was the best joke ever told.
“Well...” I said slowly, trying to understand how a place with names like Ponyville and Canterlot would have anyone who did not know what a pun was.
They must just have a different name for it.
“A pun is a play on words, usually where a similar sounding word is used in place of the correct word. For example, Canterlot. You took the name of the city Camelot and replaced it with canter, the name of one of your gaits, and made the end come to mean many or multiple. If you do not have the word pun, what do you call this type of word play?”
“Uhm, Tallic, Camelot is the name of a city in Saddle Arabia.” Stronghammer replied nervously. “Why would we use the name of one of their cities?”
“Saddle Arabia?” I asked, purposely keeping my claw from rising to my muzzle.
After a few deep breaths, I continued.
“That would be another pun. Saddle replacing the word Saudi. Again, you are taking the name of a place and replacing part of it with a word that references equines.”
“What does saudi mean?” Steelskin asked.
It seemed Alex was about to reply when Matt stopped him with barely suppressed laughter.
That was all I could take. I faceclawed and mumbled “nevermind”.
“So, what are dragons like in your home reality?” Trace asked, rescuing me from the current topic.
I proceeded to tell again of the dragon civil war, the different elemental types of dragons and the rulers of dragonkind. As I finished describing our teaching dragon slayer magic to humans, Twilight Sparkle came by and I remembered my cave situation.
“Excuse me, Miss Sparkle, who should I talk to about a security system for my cave?” I asked. “I was thinking perhaps a proximity bomb.”
All the ponies stared at me slack-jawed.
“No, not heavy explosives, just shrapnel bombs.” I clarified.
“That is not something that would be... appropriate here.” Alex commented as the ponies winced noticeably.
“Yeah, you might want to tone down the lethality a little. An onion/custard pie would probably be considered overkill here.” Matt chuckled as Big Mac and Twilight raised their eyebrows at him.
“Really? They are not nearly as bad as the necro-mines from two jumps ago.” I responded, ignoring the pie joke.
“Necro-mines?” Twilight asked, looking pale.
“Yes, gems that pull the soul from the body then use that energy to reanimate the corpse. Truly horrific things. One of my kind had set them up around a necromancer’s castle he had taken over as a deterrent to annoying visitors.” I answered, surprised by all the negative reactions.
Matt, in particular, winced and his breathing sped up significantly for several seconds.
“What about incapacitation wards?” Trace asked, trying to change the subject as half the ponies covered their mouths. “Simple design, non-lethal, can hold the intruder in place for a couple hours. Combine them with an alarm ward to ruin their chance of stealth.”
“Incapacitation?” I asked. “Like ripping off their legs? Would not simple death be more humane?”
I noticed Big Mac and Stronghammer get up, muttering something about getting something to drink.
Trace proceeded to spit out the mouthful of mead he had just taken. "What!? I'm talking about something along the lines of freezing them in place. You're thinking of something along the lines of a mutilation ward, those are illegal where I come from."
“Ah, my apologies. Terminology tends to get confusing when crossing realities and species. So are you suggesting a form of the ice spell, or a paralysis charm?” I asked.
“I’m a big fan of a nice thick door with a good lock and a small room with several stun grenades… Overkill but non-lethal, just enough to put them out for a few minutes and make them regret it when they come to. Not that I’ve put any thought into booby trapping my room or anything.” Everyone in earshot gave Matt a hard look, eventually he looked at the ground.
“Maybe it’d be nice to have one night where I didn’t have some pony bother me or wake me up from my nightmares.” He poked at a random streamer on the ground with the toe of his boot, almost managing to pull off a disappointed child look despite the fact he was a heavily armored adult.
“Simple paralysis. Can you give me a rough estimate on the height and width of the cave’s opening? I’ll need it to figure out which wards would work best.” Trace said as he pulled a piece of paper and a pencil out of his coat.
“You know,” Alex began slowly, “the best defense is to set up the local social environment so that you’re a universally valued member of society. Everyone, or nearly everyone, around you respects you. Then you simply ask they don’t enter your cave when you’re not there. Simple. As an added bonus, they make sure any newcomers know the rules.”
I sat staring at him, trying to figure out if he was joking.
“Are you serious?” I finally asked.
“Eeup.” Mac said, returning to his place with a mug of cider. “Your friends will always watch your back. Friends are like a giant family.”
I sat there trying to process this.
Finally, I decided to just let it go. “As a dragon, I cannot be truly comfortable without some serious protections on my hoard.”
Alex seemed to accept this. "You know, you’re right. Go ahead and put any nonviolent wards up that you feel you need.”
I turned back to Trace, who still had his paper and pencil out, and gave him the rough measurements of my cave and offered him a ride up to take more precise measurements tomorrow.
I sat between Tallic’s forelegs as he talked with the humans. Lots of ponies came up to say hi, but because of Tallic, few of them got very close or stayed very long. Even the Crusaders were kinda skittish around him. As they walked away, I watched Scootaloo. The colts would laugh at me if I told anyone, but I thought Scootaloo was kinda pretty. Also, I noticed Sapphire constantly looking at me and quickly looking away every time I looked back at her. What is with that unicorn? It’s like she worships the ground I walk on.
Rocky called out a greeting to me from a distance, explaining that Miss Sweetheart told him he wasn’t allowed to get close to Tallic.
Pretty soon I was falling asleep. I dreamed of soaring on the back of Tallic with Scootaloo flying beside us.
“So ‘Tim the Barbarian’ starts playing a song to boost the evasion of his comrades as...”
“Wait, what’s a barbarian doing playing a bard song?” Trace asked.
“No, he’s not a barbarian, he was a bard, he just liked the name ‘Tim the Barbarian.” I took another bite of the cupcake Pinkie handed me. Something tasted familiar in it, but I couldn’t place it. “Oh, and his name wasn’t even Tim. Found out later his real name was Phillip.”
I could hear Pinkie giggling like a lunatic... I wonder if Luna will have a problem with that term? When I looked over at her, there were two of her. I did not know why, but I started chuckling too. Suddenly I let out a tremendous belch and a metal statue of the mare dropped from my mouth.
I must be drunk. How did that happen? Oh well, who cares.
“Cupcake me.” I said, looking to the pink blobs. “And more...” What did I want more of? Ah, yes. “You found some ether ore, didn’t you?”
I looked down at a sleeping Steelskin.
“Don’t... Uhm... Don’t-I mean, do not, give any to Steelskin.” I slurred.
After eating a few more cupcakes, I stood up to stretch my legs, my tail twitching back and forth playfully.
I noticed a little red dot on the ground about ten feet from me. Stepping sideways to avoid little Steel, I crouched, wings flaring as I readied myself.
“Do you honestly think that’s wise?” I heard Trace ask.
“I’m drunk, many things seem wise right now. Let me have my fun.” Matt responded.
That intriguing red dot started to twitch. Luckily, most of the guests had already left, so there were few ponies to worry about bumping into or landing on. In the back of my mind, I made note of the fact that it was a laser pointer, but my hunting instinct made me ignore this piece of information.
I pounced and the dot quickly jumped ten feet to the right. I crept around the remnants of the bonfire to catch it by surprise.
I noticed Miss Sweetheart and Twilight Sparkle pick up Steelskin and carry him into the hospital.
I finished my circuit of the fire pit and saw the dot in the same place I left it. I pounced again and again it jumped away. This time I crept up within striking distance, then struck out with my claw just as it jumped again.
I continued for several minutes amid snickers from the humans before finally growing bored and curling up to sleep with my back to the fire.
I sat in my cave listening to the humans plan their attack on me, I noticed Luna quietly observing as I planned my response to everything they were saying they were going to do.
Suddenly, one of them spoke up. “Alright, let’s do this! Leeeroy Jennnkins!
It took me a second to realize what happened as the loose cannon ran into my cave alone. His companions took even longer to realize that their comrade had just completely blown their plan wide open.
Well, time to reward his stupidity. I thought as I brought a claw down on him, feeling is armor crumple and bones break. I looked at the mouth of the cave and saw his companions watching, so I gave a dramatic twist of my talon in imitation of humans disposing of those smoldering sticks they like to suck on.
“Well, does this end the assault, or are any more of you that stupid?” I said with a menacing smile.
After that, we went further back in my memories, watching time after time of my dealings with humanity.
I wonder if she is getting a different view of humans. She may even be regretting giving Alex the position of paladin.
We fast forwarded through a few realities where the locals kept pestering me with virgin sacrifices. Luna’s normally stoic demeanor showed a bit of appreciation when I brought them to a distant village that appeared to be more noble. I still gave them a warning that I wanted my ‘meal’ well treated.
I gave a chuckle as she witnessed me playing with a knight that had a personal force field. She was not impressed with the joy I took in bouncing him off my cavern wall.
I can only hope her pony sensibilities were mollified when I let him run away after his shield failed.
Finally we got to my son... At first I tried to end it, but she would not skip this scene. I understood her necessity, but to open up that wound was difficult.
After a bit of my daily life with him, we arrived at my first jump. I was winging my way back to where he was waiting for me when I noticed the strange feeling in my belly that had been there for a couple days had grown suddenly much stronger. Without warning, I found myself a completely different landscape. When I realized what had happened, I had gone about systematically levelling a forest and turning every trunk into toothpicks.
“I am sorry for bringing up this pain, dearest Tallic, but rest assured, now I know that steelskin will be in safe hooves.” She bowed to me in respect before being carried out of my dreamscape.