Day 8
Braeburn awoke with a start. He quickly looked around, seeing everypony else was up and preparing to move.
Was last night a dream?
He turned his eyes to Caramel, remembering the odd scene in grainy black and white. He shivered at the memory. Not wanting to dwell on the subject, he rose from the ground, cracking his neck as he went. The ponies he was with were ready to go, and being without anything, he was too. They soon set out from their makeshift headquarters towards the center of the territory.
Noteworthy suddenly spoke up, “Why are we even heading into the heart of this place?”
Caramel abruptly stopped and looked at Noteworthy, “To get out friends, if you do not recall,” he said, a bit more caustically than necessary.
Braeburn remembered the two stallions he had heard about, never returning from the area they were now in, the thought of what might have happened to them frightening Braeburn.
Though they were all terribly nervous, they trotted onward. They had been rather stealthy so far, but they were yet to see a single mare since they entered the area, something seemed wrong.
Cranky turned to his fellow dudes, “Maybe they're dead?”
Filthy Rich shook his head, “I know it is good to be hopeful, but I doubt you can die of sexual depravation...”
“I say splitsies to scout the area,” Caramel said, nodding his head in agreement to what he just said.
“How splitsies?” Asked Noteworthy
Caramel looked as if he was in mad-deep contemplation, “Cranky, Filthy, Davenport and Noteworthy as one group and Braeburn and myself as a second group. Yes.”
“That is good splitsies,” said Noteworthy, approving of the groups.
Braeburn tried to concocts some reason for the group to remain together, or at least so Braeburn could be in a different group, Hmmm 'hapse ah could pretend ta twist mah ankle an' then we would have'ta stay tagether. Nah, maybe ah ought to ju– It was then that Braeburn realized that the groups had already split up and had been walking alone with Caramel for a few minutes, Well shiiiiiet. Guess tha's no backsies on the splitsies than. This ain't good, nuh-uh. Some creepy kinda gay biz is gonna go down, ah know it.
Braeburn flicked his eyes to Caramel, who was trotting next to him.
He then looked back to what lay ahead of them.
Then, he flicked his eyes back to Caramel, who was still trotting next to him.
Ahm over reactin', He though, he ain't gonna jus' try somethin' out here, that'd be crazy!
Braeburn flicked his eyes to Caramel once more, then sighed in relief. He was just being silly.
Caramel cleared his throat, “Ahem~ Make eyes at me all you want, but you should know we can't do anything out here! We're on a scouting mission, we can't just do that!”
“UM”
“Ah, who am I kidding, I can't say no to you!” He mock-cried, throwing himself against Braeburn, pressing him up against the nearest wall, his hot breath on Braeburn's neck, “I'm sorry we haven't been able to do any gay stuff, so much running, difficult to find the time for romance!”
“UM,” I AM UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE SITUATION I AM IN.
“Oh, don't be coy, cowboy, you know you want this dude butt~”
Caramel reared up on his hind legs, placing one on each side of Braeburn's head, giving him nowhere to escape, “Why so quiet? Come here, I'll give you something to talk about,” He said, adding a wink. He then pulled Braeburn down onto the ground with him, landing right on top of Caramel.
As Braeburn tried to get up off the ground and Caramel, the second half of their scouting group turned the corner. The four stopped to stare at Braeburn, seemingly on top of Caramel with one hoof on each side of Caramel's head.
Filthy Rich was the first to speak up, “What is going on here!?”
Caramel scrambled out from under Braeburn, dusting himself off, “Ah, dude. Braeburn's trying to seduce me or something. He got all on top of me, like I'm some kinda colt-cuddler or something”
Noteworthy looked at Braeburn, “Dude, that is SO GAY.”
Davenport agreed, “Yep, pretty gay.”
Braeburn starred at them all in disbelief, I AM THE GAY ONE?
He sputtered, “But-Ah-nah!”
The others finally broke down laughing, wiping tears away and stomping their hoofs in amusement. All of this left Braeburn very confused.
“AHAHAHAHahahaaaaa! Wow, that went on for a while! That was a good one. That's enough I think, right guys?” Caramel asked, the others agreeing with him.
Braeburn looked back and forth between the four of them, “W....what!?”
“It's just something we do when we find somebody new, it's pretty funny, just a bit of hazing,” Filthy said, still smiling broadly.
Caramel shook his head, “Ah, I can't believe you thought I was gay”
“Eh, we didn't get him as good as Noteworthy,” Cranky said.
“True, true, it's gone much farther” Said Filthy.
“Oh yeah,” Caramel said, “Noteworthy actually sucked my dick!”
Noteworthy laughed, “Yeah, I totally did, they sure got me good! You shoulda seen the egg and other stuff on my face!”
Braeburn's brain had ceased functioning and, for the first time that day, he passed out.
!---~~~---~~~The Great---~~~---~~~American---~~~---~~~---~~~Scene Break---~~~---~~~!
Back at the wall, Mac and his two compatriots had found their way into The Rainboom Dome. Mac, still not giving a damn about anything anymore, it would seem, bucked his way in. He kicked off a metal sheet that was haphazardly nailed to the wall. The trio climbed through it and into the foreign land, marveling at how barren it looked.
Mac snorted, “Right, le's move.”
They moved for a short while before they spotted the makeshift HQ of their lost friend and company. They quickly and quietly snuck over, looking to see if there was anypony there. Seeing nothing, they relaxed.
Entering, the first thing they noticed was the map still tacked up. If this was still here, an invaluable item, then they must intent to come back this way. Mac studied the map, seeing the drawn paths and marked pieces.
“If they got got, they're probably at town hall, ah reckon,” Mac said. Without waiting for a response, he began towards town hall, Soarin and Thunderlane soon following.
Not worrying about sneaking or the like, Mac made it to town hall in a matter of minutes. He frustratedly plodded up the small stairs to the door, opened it and marched right in, Soarin and Thunderlane quickly followed him inside. All was dark, but in the darkness was a rustling, then a blur of pink. Suddenly, a voice from nowhere and everywhere said, “Surprise!”
As the lights flicked on, revealing dozens of mares, their collective vision went black as the pink mass screeched, “ YYYAAA –PUNCH IN THE FACE!” managing to hit all three in the face somehow, knocking them out.
!---~~~---~~~The Good---~~~---~~~The Bad---~~~---~~~---~~~The Scene Break---~~~---~~~!
Cranky had been stuck with carrying Braeburn's unconscious body, grumbling about it the entire time, “Ya know, I'm not your pack-mule.”
Noteworthy smiled at that, “Yes, but we can't carry him!”
Cranky frowned, “Well, Why not?”
“Because,” Davenport said, “We don't wanna”
Caramel had led the troupe through the area, not finding any inhabitants. They had lowered their guard, now entering different establishments, gathering up food and drink. They contemplated the whereabouts of their associates.
“Probably dead,” muttered Cranky, the others agreed, feeling disheartened from finding absolutely nothing.
“Well, we must keep looking!” Declared Caramel.
They split up into pairs, each searching one building. Caramel went with Filthy Rich and Davenport went with Cranky.
Davenport and Cranky, who was sporting a beautiful saddle that looked suspiciously like an unconscious Braeburn, entered a home. They split up, Davenport searching the first floor and Cranky searching the second.
As Cranky went through the few rooms on the second floor, he passed by a closet. When he did, he heard a quiet sound, hardly noticeable. His ear twitched at it and he turned towards the closet. As he reached for the knob, the door swung open and a small orange mass leapt at his face.
“HOOF TO THE FACE!” It cried, hitting Cranky in the muzzle.
He grunted and brought a hoof to his muzzle, rubbing it. He looked at the mass that had just attacked his face, it was a small orange filly with a purple mane.
“Jeez kid, that hurt.”
The filly looked at him, “Hey, you aren't one of those crazy ponies!”
“Yeah, what are you doing here?”
“Hiding from those crazy ponies,” She said, as if it should be obvious, which it kind of was.
“Well, you probably ought to come with us, I guess,” Cranky said, turning towards the door.
Cranky trotted down the stairs with the filly in tow, she sided up next to him, “So, what's your name? Mine's Scootaloo!”
“Cranky,” He grunted.
“So, what is with the crazy ponies?” She asked.
“Heat.”
“Why?”
“Because it happens once a year.”
“Why?”
“Because they gotta have foals”
“Why?”
“so there can keep being ponies”
“Why?”
“because Equestria needs ponies?”
“Why?”
“So we can control the weather and whatnot”
“Why?”
“Because the weather doesn't control it's self”
“Why?”
“Because clouds are inherently magical and can't be controlled by anything non-magical”
“Why?”
“Because they were created by the goddesses themselves”
“Why?”
“Because ponies needed rain to water their crops.”
“Why?”
“Because plants need water for photosynthesis”
“Why?”
“because photosynthesis is a cycle and without water, it would not work”
“Why?”
“because water is necessary for all life”
“Why?”
“because cells and junk”
“Why?”
“because they can't run off of apple juice and candy”
“Why?”
“because too much sugar”
“Why?”
“because if your body can't use all the sugar for energy, it turns to fat, for ponies at least.”
“Why?”
“because it doesn't have anywhere to go”
“Why?”
“because your body has a limit to how much sugar it can turn to energy”
“Why?”
“because ponies have limitations.”
“Why?”
“because if we didn't, we would destroy ourselves”
“Why?”
“because we wouldn't know how to use being limitless appropriately “
“Why?”
“because we have not evolved to have no limits to our bodies, so we just wouldn't, I dunno”
“Why?”
“because not enough time has passed for us to evolve? I dunno.”
“Why?”
“because time is linear.”
“Why?”
“because if it wasn't, all kinds of weird shit would happen.”
“Why?”
“'cause, uh, because if it could just go from 1000 years ago to now, we would have things from 1000 years ago now and nothing in the middle, making where the 1000 years ago end up non-existent. Yeah”
“Why?”
“because time has to pass for change to occur”
“Why?”
“because Punctuated Equilibrium is a load of garbage.”
“Why?”
“because a pony can't be one way for one generation then drastically different the next!”
“Why?”
“because nature wouldn't allow it.”
“Why?”
“BECAUSE. some things just can't happen.”
“Why?”
“Because some things can and some things can not.”
“Why?”
“BECAUSE IF THINGS THAT CAN NOT BE WERE TO BE, THEN THERE WOULD BE A TON OF SHIT WE DON'T WANT. OK?”
“Why?”
“Because if things that could not be were to suddenly be able to be, then anything could be, like, rocks with wings that tap-dance and that is impossible.”
“Why?”
“Because rocks are inanimate objects and can neither grow wings, nor tap-dance.”
“Why?”
“I just explained that.”
“Why?”
“BECAUSE YOU ASKED?”
“Why?”
“BECAUSE YOU ARE A NOSY LITTLE SHIT, I GUESS.”
“Why?”
“blame your parents.”
“Why?”
“genes?”
“I prefer chinos”
“what? Why?”
“this bit's gone on long enough,” Scootaloo said.
Cranky then realized that they had walked outside and down the road and into a new building to search by the time she had finished her questions. A very confused looking Davenport was with them.
!---~~~---~~~I just can't---~~~---~~~Get a break---~~~---~~~---~~~A SCENE Break---~~~---~~~!
Back at the library, an amethyst eye watched through a telescope as a small purple dragon ran for his life, and after him, a rumbling like thunder. (DUN. DUN. DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN)