“Haaaaa! I love how you apologized right at the end there. I’m sh-sure that fixed everything.”
“Berry, you’re drunk. Besides, even though I’m banned from the library forever, Twilight and I are totally cool now.”
“Oh, really? -hic- Then why ishn’t she at you’re big welcome party?”
“I’m surprised you even noticed, considering all those shots you did with that weird lookin’ pony. You know, the one who wears eyeliner like it’s still the 80’s? And she has that crazy mane!”
“Hey, Cloudchaser isss a great mare who happens to be nostalgic of her youfth! And I was doing shots with her 'cause... I think her boyfriend died or something, so she was looking for a little drinky-poo. That poor, lost, broken little thing...”
“Are you smiling? Wow, you’re drunk and evil.”
“And dun’t you forget it, Smokey. Sho, remind me what happened after you physically assaulted a Princess?”
“You don't remember? I’m not surprised, you tosspot.”
“Toshpot? Uhh, where do you think you are right now? ‘Cause I can tell you you’re probably wrong.”
“It’s a slang word from like, Trottingham! I lived there for almost a year, you uncultured buzzkill.”
“...I doubt a speeeeeding train could kill your buzz. You’re eyes are redder than Applejack’s big mute brother's big red ass.”
“Oh? You a fan of his big red ass or something?”
“Let’s jusht get this over with. It’s excruciating, like hacking off a limb with sandpaper and hoof files.”
“Nice imagery, I wonder if Big Mac likes dirty talk?”
“Where’s Cloudchaser, I need another double.”
“Twenty bits says she puts the moves on ya.”
Green Leaf, the Angelic Herald of Mirth and... uhh, Awesomeness, glanced nervously out the kitchen window. After a few moments passed and no super-pissed off Princesses showed up, she closed the curtains and rejoined Berry Punch at her kitchen table.
Resting in her purple hooves was the book of legends they ‘checked out’ from the ‘kindly’ Princess/librarian earlier. The same one who was likely searching the town with a lynch mob. Or severely punishing her dragon assistant. Severely.
“I think we lost her. Looks like we’re not getting thrown in a dungeon today.” Green took a seat across from her new friend, lighting up a fresh joint now that the coast was somewhat clear. “Though, it is only mid afternoon, so who knows.”
Berry looked up from the page she was reading; something about a gay sea serpent that lives in the Everfree forest. “Oh goodie, we didn’t get arrested today! Let’s break out the champagne.” She turned the page, blowing away a layer of dust and scanning the text. “Actually, champagne would be nice right now.” She added, glancing back at her ice box with hunger in her eyes. Like a lion, just before it rips an antelope's throat open.
Green slammed a hoof on the table. “Can we focus here? Twilight Sparkle and her Downer Patrol could still burst in at any second!” She released her mighty toke, adding grey smoke to the dust-filled air. “Shit, close the windows! She knows my scent already.” Green jumped out of her seat, sealing every exit in the one-floor home.
“You really are overly paranoid,” Berry said, waving away the mixing haze without looking up from the book, “maybe you should stop smoking pot for a few minutes.” She turned another page, and giggled to herself. “And maybe pigs can fly...”
Green sat back down and crossed her forelegs. “And maybe you should go blow a goat.”
“Why, do you personally recomend it?”
“Gimme that fucking book.” Green leaned across the table and snatched the old tome from Berry, positioning it in front of herself and taking another drag. She held the joint in hoof and exhaled, flipping through a few pages and briefly scanning each one. It was the same way she studied while in college. She wasn’t in collage very long... “Well, fuck. There's nothing about curses at all! Did you see anything in here that was like... fairy-like? Like, a little chick with two legs, bug wings and a short, slutty skirt?”
Berry got out of her seat and slowly cantered around the table. “Weeeell, that’s the thing Greenie. I couldn’t find anything in there like what you just loosely described to me.” She stood behind Green, reading the ancient pages over her shoulder. “This could mean several things. One, you are full-blown crazy. Two, you are especially dumb. Or three, you are both. My money’s on assumption three, but then again, I’m not a risky gambler.”
Green shot her an angry look, to which Berry only shrugged at. “Ya, well... this book is only local legends, right? Those fairies were in Hoofington, so maybe there just aren’t any around here.” She smiled smugly, blowing smoke in the condescending mare’s general direction. “Who's crazy and dumb now?”
Berry fanned the smoke away, ‘accidentally’ hitting the back of Green’s head in the process. “Oops, clumsy me. And I thought you said this happened outside of Baltimare?”
“Whatever, my point is still valid.” Said Green Leaf, rubbing her head and turning back to the unhelpful book. No wonder Spike had picked it out.
“So is my bet.” Berry replied, trotting back to her seat merrily.
Green grunted and flipped through the book again, ignoring the bits of black ash that had burned through a few pages. It wasn’t like Twilight didn't want her strung up already. “Oh hey, look at this! A pool that makes copies of yourself! That sounds awesome!”
“It wasn’t when Pinkie Pie found it.” Berry closed her overly purple eyes and sighed like a war vet having a nasty flashback. “There was a weeklong cupcake shortage after they ate Sugarcube corner dry. All we had to eat was grass and vegetables... It was a sad week for all of us.”
“How did you ever survive the hardship?” Green joked, earning a hard look from the other mare. She probably spent the whole week drunk. “Dude! Could you imagine an army of me’s? That would be a party that never stopped!”
“It would be the end of the civilized world. An unstoppable plague of stupidity and ignorance.” Berry deadpanned, donning a thousand mile stare.
“A mare can dream.”
“Sounds more like a nightmare. The cupcake shortage would be eternal.” Berry replied, shaking herself out of her post traumatic stress/cupcake episode. “Didn’t Spike mention something about a cure he read about in there? I was looking for it when a very rude pony swiped the book away. She was also ugly and smelled like bad cheese.”
Suddenly, Green bounded out of her chair. “Yeah! I mean, I do not. I mean, here it is! ‘The Fountain of Foal Mountain’!” She exclaimed, too excited to properly return Berry’s slanderous comment.
“Wow, it rhymes. My confidence in this book is just skyrocketing.” The purple mare slumped back, looking completely uninterested... except for the fact that both her ears were still focused intently in Green’s direction.
Ignoring the failed attempt at aloofness, Green read on, “Listen to this:
‘Beneath the rocky surface, of the proud Foal Mountains, high, (heehee)
There lies a mystic Fountain, that never will run dry.
For its waters flow from deep within the Mountain’s very heart,
And oh, such great endowment, does but a sip impart.’”
“We got a winner right here folks.” Berry scoffed, eyeing her booze cabinet from across the room again. Ignoring her, Green continued:
“‘So if your heart is pure and true, yet sorrow slows your gait,
Then seek the Fountain’s godly brew, its divine ameliorate,
Drink deep, dear pilgrim, and surely you shall find,
A cure to all that ails you, in body and in mind.’
“Wooooooah...” Green finished reading the passage, sitting back and sighing in awe.
Berry sighed as well, though hers was more like that of a parent finding out their kid has down syndrome. She stood and stepped into the kitchen. “I’m getting the champagne. Not to celebrate, I just... I need a drink after... that. Please stop me if I start clubbing my face with the bottle.”
“No, Berry, this is it! This is the cure!” Green tapped the book in front of her, a big grin etched onto her face. “We gotta go up to the Foal Mountains!”
After removing a green bottle of bubbly from her fridge, Berry made her way back to the table. “That is a bedtime story for children! We can’t go all the way to the Foal Mountains because a nursery rhyme told us to.” She bit down on the cork, pulling with her teeth. Surprisingly, they hadn’t been stained purple with wine. Yet. Maybe they were fake.
Green gestured at her bags on the floor. “Why not? I’m already packed. This could be my only chance at living a normal life in Ponyville, there’s no way I’m gonna let it pass me by!”
The cork popped, and a stream of bubbles spilled onto Berry’s tiled floor. She hardly seemed to notice. “You’re going whether I come or not... Am I correct?”
Uttering a another apology to Twilight, Green tore out the page with the poem and a the crude map next to it. “Yup, and unless you want to be responsible for my death by rock slide or scurvy or something, I’d really like it if you came with me.” She stuffed the pages into her saddlebag, right where Ass-Pirate used to fit in. “So whatcha think, friend? Think you could live with the crushing guilt of my untimely death on you head?”
“Considering how many times I’ve pictured myself killing you, I’d say that is a moot issue.” Berry lifted the bottle to her gaping maw, pouring the fine, sparkling alcohol down her endless gullet. Real classy.
“Come on, Bee! What better way to cement our new-found friendship.”
“Probationary friendship.” She snorted, the bubbles tickling the inside of her nose. Or maybe she was just being a bitch, it’s hard to tell sometimes.
Green smoked the last of her smoldering doobie. “It’ll be like camping! Just us and the great outdoors, sleeping in tents, eating s’mores, havin’ a fun adventure! Whaddya say?”
Stopping mid-drink, Berry looked over with a skeptical glare. “I’d say this sounds like the start of a very cheesy porno.”
Green smirked, putting out the roach with her tongue. She knew just how to win this argument friendly discussion. “Did I mention you can drink pretty much the whole time? With no one around to judge you except a cursed stoner with shoddy morales!”
Berry considered this for a moment, then threw back the remaining champagne in a way that would make any connoisseur drop a load where they stood. She unleashed a massive belch and wiped her filthy muzzle with the back of her hoof.
“...How far are these mountains?”
After waiting for Berry to gather a few necessities (and stuff as much booze as she possibly could into her saddlebags) the two mares set off on their adventure in style! ...Sneaking their way out of town through its many shadier back alleyways. They left without incident, avoiding all scorned farmers, fashionistas, princesses and of course, the five-0.
Once outside of town, they headed North across the hilly grassland surrounding Ponyville towards the monumental Canterlot Mountain. The city loomed high above the horizon in the distance, jutting off the rock like a castle-shaped zit. Even further away and off to the East, the mares could just make out the outlines of a distant mountain range; the Foal Mountains.
The sight was gorgeous enough to make a mare crap her pants. Luckily, Green didn’t wear any.
Stepping out of a bush and back onto the trail, Green looked back at the town she had only just arrived in. She frowned; usually when she skipped town, she had a good reason to, and didn’t feel so bummed about it. Like with Canterlot; she'd crashed some big, boring dinner party thing and demanded Celestia give her wings cause flying around stoned would be awesome. She must not have agreed, because the divine ruler of Equestria responded to the reasonable request by throwing Green in a dungeon for the night. It was those horrible five hours in jail that sparked her decision to bust out of that city and move on.
What’s the deal with princesses anyway? Stuck up bitches. You’d think a pony with some of the best weed in Equestria named after her would be more laid back.
Chiiiik. Green’s internal rant was interrupted by a can being opened. She looked back at her travel companion, who had removed one of the drinks from her bag. It was a heavy, 12% beer so thick she probably had to chew it down. Gross.
“Cheers.” Berry raised the disgusting can of beer-soup, then tilted her head back and drained the whole thing. That’s like drinking three light beers, at the same time! Her blood must be pure alcohol by now.
Not wanting to fall behind on what was sure to be a week of substance abuse, Green Leaf lit one of the many joints she’d rolled in preparation. “Right back at ya.” She took a few deep tokes of Celestia’s Finest (that humourless tyrant...) and finished the fat blunt quickly as they strolled down the dirt path.
Green tucked the roach into her storage tin, her head pleasantly swimming with euphoria. “Ooooooh yeah. And so it begins.” She said, getting a giggle from Berry. Green returned the laugh and fell in beside the buzzed purple mare. “You know, I was kinda doing a bit of thinking while we made our grand escape from Ponyville...”
Berry quirked an eyebrow. “You? Thinking? Somepony call the surgeon general, it’s a medical marvel!” She laughed again, opening her eyes to see Green staring back in disdain. “Okay, I’ll bite. You have my undivided attention.” Berry said dramatically, as she pulled another ‘beer’ from her bag.
“Thanks a lot, A-hole.” Green said, rolling her red eyes, “I was thinking... we should get to know each other a little better! That’s the sort of thing friends do, right? We should do that, as friends!” Green reached over and forcefully wrapped a foreleg around Berry’s neck, pulling her in close.
Berry, careful not to spill her ‘precious elixir’, shrugged off the stranglehold. “Need I remind you of the status of our friendship?”
“Yeah, yeah, I get it. One wrong move and I’m gone.” Green backed away a little, still grinning despite Berry’s standoff-ish...ness. “But that’s why I want to know more about you! So I don’t screw things up like I normally do.”
“I wouldn’t worry about it too much Greenie,” Berry said, taking a gag-worthy sip of her poison of choice. She hardly seemed to notice the barfy taste and texture of it, “you’re probably going to screw things up anyway.”
Green snorted, “throw me a bone here! I opened up to you with my curse story-”
“Alleged curse story.”
“-And you’re being kinda bitchy. But when you’re not, you’re actually pretty fun to hangout with.” Green finished, dancing lightly on her hooves. She felt so good, ecstatic really, and not just from the pot for once. She was on an adventure! With a friend!
Berry grinned at the silly display of not-so-fancy footwork. “Well, I suppose I find you somewhat endearing as well.”
“Hay, I don’t swing that way, rug-muncher,” joked Green, stepping ahead and doing a little spin, flicking Berry's muzzle with the tip of her blonde tail.
Berry smacked it away, somehow able to resist the enchanting green flanks dancing before her. “Me neither, Casanova. Were you going to ask me something, or not?”
“Oh yeah, I kinda forgot, one sec.” Green danced back to Berry’s side, trying to recall what she wanted to know. “Oh yeah! I was gonna ask, why do you drink so much?”
The hoof falls from the mare walking beside her faltered slightly, and one look at Berry’s shocked face told Green her forwardness had landed her in trouble once again. Hoping to fix things, she quickly added, “don’t get me wrong, you’re the best drunk I’ve ever met! And everypony has their vices... I just- I want to know how you tick.”
Berry’s expression shifted, from a ‘oh no you didn’t’ to more of a ‘wait, what did she do?’
Green Leaf was nice enough to clarify her meaning. “FYI, I meant that in a totally platonic way, Butch.”
Berry laughed, shaking her thick purple mane. “You’re calling me gay? Really? You don’t think I’ve caught you staring at my flank all those times?” Green blushed, not because what Berry said was true, but because of the sheer... ridiculousness of such a... not-true accusation and... Shut up. “I’m flattered, but no thanks, Greenie.”
“Whatever, purple is an ugly colour anyway.” The blonde mare replied, clearing her throat and getting back on track. “Soooooo... why the sauce?”
Berry held out the half-empty can and heaved a sigh. “If you must know, I just... I like to be drunk, that’s all. Everypony assumes I have some deep emotional problems, or some tragic past that makes me drink to overconsumption, but I just have a high tolerance to the stuff.” She drained the rest of her beer, adding it to the mixture of other spirits and liquor swirling around in her iron gut. “It takes a lot to get me properly smashed, but I like drinking. I feel at ease and I loosen up a bit when I do. You said yourself that I’m the best at it.”
Green let her jaw drop as she slowly processed the information. “Wait, that’s it? You said drinking was like a curse, not just that you ‘like it a whole bunch’.”
Smiling, Berry crushed the empty can on her head, then placed it in her bag with the others. “Everypony has their vices. I just happen to be okay with mine.”
Green Leaf frowned. Something wasn’t adding up; if Berry had no friends ‘cause of her alcoholism, why did she still enjoy drinking? She wasn’t cursed, so she could stop if she really wanted to, do that whole AA bullshit... unless that was what she meant by curse! Other ponies were all stingy about her drinking, but she only did it to have a good time with them! And when she was all alone... she would still drink just to be happy.
Even for a metaphorical curse, that was a pretty shitty deal.
The two mares walked in silence, mulling over what had been said, when Green’s brain suddenly shat out a brilliant idea. “Hey! Once we get to the Fountain, maybe you should take a sip too! It could totally cure your rampant alcoholism, and then you wouldn’t have to drink alone all the time like some loner hermit!”
To the high mare’s surprise, Berry didn’t jump at her brain turd. “I don’t mean to burst your bubble, though I will thoroughly enjoy doing it, but I had the same thought about two seconds after we walked out of my house. Congratulations, on finally catching up.” She said, laying the sarcasm on thick as she retrieved another ass-flavoured beer.
“As they say, great minds think alike.” Green responded, flipping the spare joint behind her ear into her mouth. “So, you thought about it, right? What do you think, feelin’ thirsty?”
“Logical, actually.” The mare said, a slight sway in her step. “Yesh, I’ve thought about it, and I’ve already reached a conclusion.” She sipped her drink slowly and cleared her throat, “to use this ‘magical fountain’ as a cure, we have to assume that it exists, and that we can find it, and that it will actually work. And, in your case, that you’re even cursed at all.”
Green nodded along. “Right. So then, if it does, and we do, and it will, and I am, which I totally am, then what is this conclusion of yours?”
Berry pondered for a minute, taking a short break from killing her liver. Green caught a whiff of the wicked brew, a repulsive mix of nail polish and grandpa. “Sure, I guess.” Berry said with a shrug. “But let’s just say that I’m not holding my breath in anticipation.”
Green’s jaw went slack once again as Berry continued drinking. How could she be so indifferent to a magical cure-all hidden in the mountains, and the solution to all her social problems?
Before Green got the chance to question the dense boozehound, a yellow pegasus popped out of a nearby cave and crashed through the thicket lining the road, landing on the path before the two confused mares. Twigs and leaves were stuck in her fur, and she had a desperate look in her eye like a Las Pegasus street-walker seeking a John for the night.
“...Fluttershy? Is that you?” Berry asked, promptly hiding her beer can behind her back. Green did the same with her joint, though in hindsight, the smoke rising up from her butt probably wasn’t very subtle.
The dazed pegasus was obviously frazzled; her pink mane and tail looked awful, like Green’s after a bender, only pink. “Oh, excuse me ladies,” she squeaked quietly, “I was in a hurry. There’s an animal emergency going on!”
Green fell silent, looking everywhere but at the frantic flyer. Berry, being the heartless monster she is, caught on to Green’s unease and pressed the issue. “...This is what Twilight was helping you with earlier, isn’t it?” She asked, carefully gauging Green’s every reaction.
“Oh, yes! She was with me this morning! For some reason, all the little forest critters are gobbling up the food they’ve stored away for winter!” She cried. Literally, she was crying over some dumb animals getting the munchies! “If they don’t stop soon, they’ll have nothing to eat and st-st-staaaaarve!” Fluttershy burst into a torrent of tears, unable to hold back the waterworks.
And that was when Green decided she should probably go, before another Ponyvillean got pissed off at her. “Well, you sound like you’re very busy, so we won’t keep you then. Come on Berry,” Green prodded her companion with an elbow, circling past the tearful pegasus without turning their backs on her, “uhh, so long Miss Fluttershy, it was nice meeting you! Good luck with those poor, widdle animals!”
Wiping away the tears, Fluttershy nodded and flew off, heading back towards town and crying the whole way. As her sobs faded, Green breathed a sigh of relief and puffed on her joint, which had been burning away during the whole exchange. Such as waste, if anypony should be sobbing, it was be her.
“Green Leaf, tell me what you did to make Fluttershy cry.” Berry growled, squinting hard and the pot-head.
Green shrugged innocently, continuing down the path. “I didn't do anything! She just... seemed like she was in a hurry, and since we’re in a hurry too... Well that’s all there is to it. I swear!”
“You’re lying, profusely. And here I thought we were being open with each other.” Berry sounded mad, be she reluctantly followed Green’s swishing tail anyway, either deciding she was too drunk to care, or didn’t care to begin with. “Also why are we in hurry? We have enough food to last us for almost a week.” She added, taking another foul mouthful of the toxic sludge poorly disguised as beer.
“For one, if that waste of perfectly good wings tells anypony in town she saw us, then we’re royally fucked. Like, literally. Also,” Green fished her roach tin out of her bag and flashed the ever-dwindling bag of Canterlot hash, “I only have so much weed. I never found a dealer in town, or started growing a plant of my own, so this is all I got for the whole trip.”
Berry eyed the half-empty bag skeptically. “Is that not enough for your poor, shrivelled lungs?”
Green closed the bag. “Enough to get there, I reckon. But if we don’t find this thing in time, and I run out, then I will not be a happy camper. That’s kinda how my curse works, pretty simple compared to yours.”
Up ahead, the path split at a fork. One way continued North, to the pompous, ass-factory that was Canterlot, while the other shot East, towards the dark Foal Mountains. The two mares stopped, and Berry faced Green looking 100% serious.
“Do I have permission to kill you in self defense, if you get all crazy?”
“What? No!” Green laughed, wanting to shove the mare in jest... but quickly thinking better of it. Berry can be scary as fuck, and it’s impossible to tell when she doesn’t really mean it, since she usually does. “Just... tie me up or something! Do not murder me if I get a little nuts, ya sociopath.” Green took the lead, stepping onto the Eastern path.
“Just for the record... if I told a courtroom you went psycho and attacked first, I would totally get away with it.” Berry said, a malicious smirk spreading across her face like mold on a rotting grape.
“Oooookay, you’re walking in front from now on.”
The intrepid mares continued to follow the trail East, curving North around Saddle Lake where they camped out for their first night. Well, more like passed out, it had been a very long day of drinking and toking. Waking up bright and early the next morning, (well, technically it was afternoon) they continued on their noble quest, crossing the Eastern rail line out to Baltimare. A train went by, and Green, being a comedic genius, mooned it while laughing uncontrollably. The act went unappreciated by Berry.
They also continued to smoke and drink at levels that made all the little starlet wannabes in Applewood look like droopy-eyed, wingless pegasi foals. It's a know fact that Sapphire Shores can’t handle her coke to save her life, yet she aaaaaaalways does it. Fucking ruins the party every time.
As the mares got drunker and higher, the Foal Mountains drew closer and closer in the distance. After crossing more sparse grassland and f-jording... ford... feeee and swimming through a surging river, they made it to the mountain's base in the fading light of evening.
The following morning, Berry and Green actually did wake up early, around 8 a.m. It wasn’t by choice, obviously, for some stupid reason, the pegasi decided it would be a good idea to drop a torrential downpour on them. Damn feather-heads, sitting all cozy in their cloud city and pissing down on the rest of us.
Camping out under Cloudsdale is NOT a good idea.
Climbing the slick mountain sucked harder than a Neighpan prostitute. Everything was muddy, and the mares were getting low on morale. Even the combined efforts of weed and booze couldn’t lift their soggy spirits. It took forever, but they eventually gained some altitude and used the crude maps ripped from the book legends to search for the Fountain.
It was their fourth night on the mountain when they started to run low on food, and the rain had not let up. Drenched to the bone and hungry, without so much as a patch of grass to nibble on, Berry began to lose her patience.
“This is the ww-w-worst camping trip ev-ver.” The wet blanket whined, ironically, from beneath a wet blanket. She was shivering like she was sitting on a paint mixer. And had Parkinson’s disease.
“You did fill half your saddlebags with alcohol...” Green tsked at Berry, setting a rain tarp up above them. “Extra blankets might have been a better idea. Or anything waterproof really.”
“Wh-what about you?” Berry snapped, “your bags are half-filled with weed!”
“Yeah, but I’m very good at camping out. Come from years of practice.” With the rain successfully umbrella'd, Green cracked open her weather-proof saddlebags and began to replenish her joint supply. She also removed a dry blanket and hoofed it over to Berry.
The freezing mare shrugged off the ugly comforter she brought from home and wrapped Green’s insulated outdoor blanket around herself. “R-right, you're an accomplished drifter. How could I forget. Can we go home now?”
“Easy there, princess, we made it this far didn’t we? Trust me, we’re getting close here, I can feel it in my gut.” Green smiled brightly, drumming on her stomach to coax one out of her mopy friend.
Berry frowned instead.
“I’m almost positive that feeling is hunger. Maybe if you didn’t exhaust all our food rations by ignoring my fastidiously planned eating schedule, the gastric acid in my gut wouldn’t be dissolving the lining of my stomach!” She hissed, her voice increasing in speed and volume as she ranted.
Clearly she was overreacting, so Green countered by under-reacting. Genius! “Do you use big words to make other ponies think you’re smart?” She asked, hoping to get Berry out of her funk.
The diversion failed.
“No, I use big words because I have a little something called a vocabulary.” She snapped.
Maybe something with a bit more kick?
Green smiled sheepishly. “There you go again, you really don’t need to impress me you know. I already like you. But just as a friend, filly-fondler.”
“Just shut up and let me see that map.” Berry rolled her eyes, the tiniest of smiles curling her lips slightly as she reached for Green superior bags.
Half smile! Mission accomplish- oh wait, fuck. The map.
Green placed the joint she just finished rolling behind her ear and closed her bags before Berry could reach in. “Oh, hey, don’t worry about that, I got it under control!” She smiled wide. A little too wide apparently, ‘cause Berry got suspicious.
“Oh you do, do you?” Her eyes narrowed into a death glare. “That’s exactly what I’m worried about. Pass it over.” A purple hoof shot out of the ball of blankets containing Berry, her stare unwavering.
Out of fear of having her eyelids cut off and cigarettes put out in her unblinking eyes, Green Leaf cracked. She dug into the bag and pulled out the rolled up map, carefully handing it to Berry. “Okay, there. Just promise me you won’t get mad...” Hardly listening, Berry snatched and promptly unfurled the map. “...But I kinda used part of it for rolling paper.”
To Berry's horror, the old page was missing several rectangular pieces along its edges, and a few random holes were scattered here and there. But only where there was a lake or ocean... Mostly.
Berry took it pretty well, all things considered. She just sat there, gripping the tattered parchment. “What.” She said in a low voice that almost sounded like a growl of pure hatred.
Oh... shit. That’s probably what it was...
Green jumped in to plead her case. “It’s cool! I didn’t tear off any of the important parts! Just like, the edges, and a teensey little bit of the legend. I was holding it backwards when I ripped that one, haha...ha?”
Berry slowly lowered the map, revealing her twitching face. “Green Leaf. We are lost on a mountain. We're running out of food. And you smoked our map.” Her voice was mostly even, only just holding a lid on the unholy fury boiling inside her.
“What? I ran out of papers and I don’t have Ass-Pirate anymore.” Green replied calmly. “Trust me, it was a necessary sacrifice. This was the only way to keep me sane for the journey.”
Another eye twitch. “Right. Because of your curse. The one you think you have. Tell me.. were you dropped on your head as a child? Off something particularly high?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Pity.”
Green sighed, feeling the situation slipping out of her control. In desperation, she played the only card she had left; sympathy! “Look, I’m sorry I fucked up the map a little, but it was a necessity. You don’t know what this curse is like, and I’m sure we can still find this well thingy if we keep looking.” Green cast the die, forgetting that Berry lacked any sort of sympathetic tendencies. What she did have was anger, bloodlust and a skewed sense of right and wrong. It... wasn’t a very wise gamble on Green’s part.
“Forgive my lack of confidence,” Berry began, keeping a cool head for about as long as it takes Celestia to eat a slice of cake, “but you are the SINGLE, most IDIOTIC pony I have ever met! You are not cursed, YOU DUMBASS, you’re an ADDICT. Not that you would know the difference; you wouldn’t know SHIT from STINKY PUDDING!” She bellowed, her voice echoing off the wet mountain peaks. “You’ve got your head so far up in the clouds you can’t remember what the ground looks like anymore!”
Green Leaf sat in shock, unsure what to say to smooth things over, or if there was anything that could do that. “So, you really don’t believe my story anymore?”
“I NEVER believed your stupid story. I thought I was clear about that.” Berry shot back with fire burning in her eyes so hot, you could roast marshmallows with their heat... had Green not eaten all the marshmallows already. Maybe that was what she was really mad about? Green didn’t think to ask.
“Well, my curse is real, whether you believe me or not! An-and I’m up here trying to deal with it and better myself, so I can be that far gone, right?”
Berry threw off the blanket, rising to her hooves. “Oh yes, by using a quick fix miracle cure that’s more likely to leave you dead on a MOUNTAIN? Yeah, you’ve really got your shit in a neat little stack.”
Green stood as well, holding out a hoof to her pissed-off friend. “Just... try to chill, okay? I don’t want you to be all mad at me, cause I need your help to see this thing through.”
Berry swatted the hoof away.
“Well, I don’t need you. I am going to turn around a go home now. Consider our friendship effectively terminated. Goodbye Miss Leaf, try not to starve to death."
And with that, Berry hoisted her bags and trotted out into the pouring rain. Green watched her splash away, trying to think of anything to bring her back, but coming up with nothing. She sat on the wet ground, alone once again, hoping the mare that was no longer her friend would at least look back once, just once before she was gone.
Berry kept trotting away, looking only for the path that lead away. Green closed her eyes tight.
Thunder rolled overhead, an odd, short burst of it that made Green's snap open. A few yards away, Berry stopped and craned her neck up to the sky. The thunder rolled again, sounding even less like actual thunder this time. It was too... guttural, and since clouds don’t have guts...
Berry finally did look back, but not with the look of worry or caring Green was hoping for.
It was pure scorn.
“On second thought, please starve to death up here.” Berry said over the storm.
A huge, dark shape swooped down from above, completely covering Berry’s fuming form. It roared again and leapt back into the night sky, leaving Green alone on the ledge of a mountain with the rain pounding the rock around her tarp shelter, and a joint tucked behind her ear.
