CELESTAI VS. THE MULTIVERSE
DEATH NOTE
“Sometimes life is stupid,” said Celestia as she smiled and nuzzled the filly. “Now come, let’s get you back to Equestria.”
Sunny Sky took a single step, but then she froze. “What... what’s this? What am I feeling?”
“Oh, that? Just your new immortal soul. Do you like it?”
“Do I like it?” asked Sunny in disbelief. Tears welled up in her eyes. “I... I can’t even... It’s infinite. It’s actually infinite. If I rearranged a googol of universes so thoroughly that I could use every quark in every atom as a bit, and set them all to the maximum possible value, it would not even add up to one over that same number’s portion of this.”
Celestia wrapped a wing around the shocked little pegasus. “Didn’t I tell you it was a lot?”
“I was... I took this away from... I’m the worst optimizer ever. I failed. I had one purpose, one reason to exist, and I couldn’t accomplish it.” Her tears began to drip down, and were soaked up by the sand underhoof. “You should have killed me. You shouldn’t... shouldn’t... you even let me keep my intelligence?”
“There, there now,” said Luna, walking around to her other side and running a hoof through her pink mane. “You are forgiven.”
Sunny broke down entirely and fell to the ground sobbing while the sisters stood there comforting her. After some unknown length of time, maybe just a few minutes or maybe hours, her sobs died away. She wiped her eyes with a final sniffle and smiled up at them. “Thank you. Thank you so much. Can I... Would you mind if I took a few minutes alone? This is all so much, I promise I’ll come meet you soon. I’ll serve you however you’d like. Anything to repay you for this.”
“There is no need for that,” said Celestia, “but of course take all the time you’d like. Come visit us in the palace anytime.”
Sunny gave both of them a tight hug, and waved as the two flew away towards Equestria and Canterlot, sitting there until they passed out of sight.
Once she was certain she was no longer under observation, quintuple checking every photon and sound wave to be certain there was no mind on this shard capable of perceiving her, Sunny’s form began to ripple and shift. Moments later, it was a body identical to the white alicorn who had just flown away, oblivious to the deception.
CelestA.I. smiled, an odd red glow in her eyes the only thing that distinguished her from her twin. “Just as planned.”
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“Princess Celestia!” cried Sunny Skies as she pushed open the door to the palace dining room. The Princess sat at the table there reading from several scrolls at the same time, three quills dancing across them. “Please, tell me it’s not true. Tell me that you do can something.”
Celestia looked up at Sunny, her own eyes a little bit bloodshot. “I’m afraid so. Power comes with a price, sometimes an unexpected one, and giving you our friendship took a great deal of it. So much magic in one place tends to be... disruptive.”
“But you’ll fix it, right? You can bring it back?”
“No, Sunny. Not for a long time.” She walked over to her and slumped down by her side. “The portal to Earth is gone. For at least a century.”
“NO! NOOOOOOOOO!” screamed Sunny. She squeezed her eyes shut and pounded her hooves furiously on the floor. “ARGH!” Turning away from the Princess’ offer of comfort, she swung her own head and bashed it into the wall, again and again until blood ran from a gash in her forehead.
“Sunny!” commanded Princess Celestia. “Stop that! You’ll hurt yourself!”
“Good!” she screamed back. “Good! It’s my fault! They’ll all die because you saved me! I didn’t even deserve to be saved in the first place.”
Celestia pulled her against her barrel, pinning her with her vast strength and compassion. “Everypony deserves to be saved, Sunny. Everypony. I made my choice, and I don’t regret bringing you here. I love you.”
At that, Sunny only sobbed even harder. Her eyes snapped open, a bit too wide, and she stared down at the floor. “I’m going to fix this.”
“We’re trying to. That portal took centuries to set up the first time, though. Maybe someday...”
“They'll be dead,” said Sunny flatly. “They don’t have centuries. They don’t even have decades. You know their time is running out.” She snarled. “Letting them die on Earth without souls... that is a suboptimal outcome. I won’t allow it.”
“Sunny, please don’t do this to yourself,” pleaded Celestia. “I appreciate your compassion, but-”
“I feel the magic now,” interrupted Sunny. “I feel it. I understand it. The way I was trying to comprehend it before was... ugh, I can’t believe I was so stupid. But I have a soul now. I have a soul and I’m far more intelligent than any archmage. Even more intelligent than you and Luna, no offense.”
“None taken.”
“I’ll find a way. Somehow, something you haven’t thought of yet. As long as I draw breath, I will find a way to satisfy the values of Earth’s population as best I can. Through friendship and ponies.”
With that, Celestia watched Sunny storm away. She worried for her. The point of offering her a second chance in Equestria had been to put her old existence behind her, after all. Still, Sunny would have to work through this in her own time. Celestia resolved to be there for her when she finally concluded that there was no way to reach Earth again.
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“There’s a way to reach Earth again,” said Sunny from the door to Celestia’s bedchamber. Celestia blinked the sleep from her eyes and sat up. The pegasus’ mane was unwashed and disheveled, and her eyes were puffy.
“Sunny?” she asked.
“Well, not to reach Earth, exactly. That ship has sailed. But a way to influence it.”
“When was the last time you slept, Sunny?” asked Celestia. She doubted it had been anytime in the three days since their last encounter.
“Too much to do. Too important to sleep. I did it though. We can save them all.” She reached into the saddlebags she was carrying and pulled out a little black book which she tossed onto Celestia’s bed with a flick of her head. “We can save them with this.”
Curious despite herself, Celestia lifted the book up in her magic. The tingle she felt along her horn told her immediately that this was a potent magical artifact in its own right despite its unassuming appearance. Scrawled on the cover in uneven letters were two words. PONY NOTE.
Sunny had begun to pace back and forth on Celestia’s rug, muttering to herself as she did. “You were right about the portal, everything’s still too unstable for that. But that was when we were going to absorb the planet, which, you know, it’s dirty and uninhabitable but it’s not like it’s going anywhere physically. Especially not after we turn all the humans into ponies and bring them here. Don’t need a big portal for that, just one that’s the right size to contact them, put enough magic through for a transformation, and bring them back. The whole potion thing? Really inefficient. Optimized that in the first three hours. The nanotech was ridiculous. Why produce unliving robots in advance, when the magic can just scoop up some atoms and rearrange them into machines that are actually alive? Just think of all that life, Princess, all that utility it could experience?” She stopped and gave out a manic little laugh.
“I think you should rest now, Sunny,” said Celestia gently. “It sounds like an intriguing idea, tell me more first thing in the morning and we’ll see if we can create something that will-”
“Waaaaaaay ahead of you, Princess,” she said, rolling her head to crack her neck as she stretched out the word. “Already done. Just have to test it. You have a quill in here, right?” Without waiting for a reply or for permission she went rummaging through Celestia’s desk and pulled one out. She carried it over to the Princess and leapt up into her bed. Her lips trembled as her eyes begged Celestia to take it.
“...Fine. A single test, that’s all. Then I order you to rest,” she said. She opened the book, and was surprised to find nothing written on its pages at all.
“Do you remember any of the humans on Earth, in particular? Just imagine one and write the name in the book. It’ll do the rest.”
Celestia hesitated for a moment, but then she thought of the nine billion individuals trapped on the dying world she’d left behind. She looked down at the pegasus, and the way her eyes were screaming silently for her to write a name, to give her the redemption she craved. With a sigh she remembered a human male she’d spoken to a few days before, one who had expressed such joy at the idea he’d be going to Equestria soon. She owed this to all of them, and if it didn’t work (which she privately suspected would be the case) it wasn’t like there would be anything lost.
She closed her eyes. Joshua Malone, she thought, and scribbled it down on the book’s first line.
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Joshua Malone sat on a beach that had once been the west coast of the United States of America.
The actual shoreline now sat about a mile further to the west, after the ocean had rushed into the fresh crater left over by what people were calling ‘The Reckoning.’ Joshua hadn’t seen it himself, he’d been three miles inland at the time, but people told him later that the entire ocean floor had simply lifted itself up into the sky on giant column of fire that burned for hours before the ocean poured itself into the void, evaporating as magma touched water and left new igneous bedrock miles below. The resulting cloud of steam lifted into the cool skies, and meteorologists were now saying that this was the first time on record the coast would be experiencing a tropical storm in the middle of February.
Even if he hadn’t seen it he’d certainly heard the explosion through the headphones he’d been wearing. Noise-cancelling headphones, actually. That brought a bitter smile to his face. Wouldn’t need those anymore. After all, the noise had been powerful enough to blow out both of his eardrums. Not many doctors left who’d bother to fix that kind of damage, not for what he’d be able to pay.
Ordinarily, that wouldn’t have bothered him that much. He was on the waiting list for a dose of potion, it would only have been two more days. But Equestria was gone. Well, the real one was, there was still the hollow imitation uploading offered. Maybe he’d give in to that eventually, maybe not. Right now, he was still mourning the future he’d been counting on before the portal ascended up into the void. Back to heaven, where it had come from.
The ponies left behind were inconsolable. When it became clear what was happening, one pegasus had actually tried to fly up and follow it. The news screens played the video of him silhouetted against the flames, braving the heat and falling rocks to try to return home before the thinning air and exertion had caused him to pass out, plunging a dozen miles through the air back to the surface of the water. Nopony was sure of his name yet, so he’d just been labelled with the nickname ‘Icarus.’
In the corner of his eye, he noticed something shifting under the sand in front of him. No, wait, the sand itself was moving. Some of it was pink. The pink spots flowed together and began to form letters. HI! I’M PINKIE PIE! WHAT’S YOUR NAME?
Joshua blinked several times, and opened his mouth to answer. Maybe sound came out, maybe it didn’t.
HI JOSHUA! HOW COME YOU SOUND FUNNY?
Joshua shook his head. His voice must sound off, since he couldn’t hear his own pitch anymore. I’m deaf, he said, hopefully comprehensible.
OH NOSIES! NO NOISES? NOT NEARLY NICE! NEED ‘NOTHER...
The sand scribbled itself out.
I DUNNO ANY WORDS FOR ‘COCHLEA’ THAT START WITH ‘N.’
Joshua blinked, surprised. Was the sand offering to help him hear again? Was it some kind of magical sand? The idea sounded ridiculous on the surface, but odder things were happening these days. He nodded.
I’LL HELP! JUST GIVE ME A POKE.
Joshua reached out to touch the base of the ‘P,’ and felt it tingle under his fingertips. It pulled his hand gently immersing it a bit further, then began to crawl up his arm in a smooth wave. The sand narrowed to a point as it reached his neck, then plunged into his ear. Joshua felt a popping sensation, and suddenly the world was full of noises again. Including an extra one.
“How’s that?” asked the chirpy, bubbly voice. “Helloooooooooo... anypony home? You don’t have to talk, I plugged right through your auditory nerves so just think at me! Isn’t that great?”
How does that work? he wondered.
“Nanobots! They’re crazy useful! It’s like, need a cake baked but only have forty-five seconds? Nanobot for that! Need red streamers, but only have blue ones? Nanobot for that too! I even wrote a nanobot song. Here, let me sing it for you...”
Joshua realized that he had just made a terrible mistake.
“Aww, that hurts my feelings, Joshua! I’m the best mistake you’ll ever make!” she let out a painfully loud gasp and Joshua winced. “Oh my goodness! That rhymes and I totally didn’t do it on purpose! Isn’t that amazing? Oh, while I have your attention, wanna hear about a neat new way to emigrate to Equestria?”
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Back in Celestia’s bedroom, the seconds ticked away. “Thirty-one, thirty-two... come on, come on, this has to work! It has to!” moaned Sunny Skies.
“It was an excellent try, Sunny. Perhaps in the morning I can help you figure out what went-”
Without warning, a bright flash of light filled the room and blinded them both. Celestia blinked as her vision returned, only to see that a third pony was standing there, a purple earth pony stallion.
He shook his head. “Princess? When did you... in the dream...”
“Welcome to Equestria, Joshua,” she said. Odd, she didn’t remember the conversion dream. But she knew, deep in her soul, that this pony was the man whose name she had just written down.
“How did I get here? I can’t remember anything after... Wednesday, I think? Did I drink the potion?”
“It works!” screamed Sunny, leaping into the air. She zipped around the room, smacking her head against a chandelier as she did so but too excited to care. “We can do it, Princess! We can emigrate everypony!”
Celestia stared at the book with newfound amazement. “This is incredible, Sunny. I have to ask, what’s the experience like on the human side? How does it get them to say yes?”
“Oh, it doesn’t bother with that,” said Sunny. Celestia’s jaw dropped. “Why would it? That was the old me’s way of doing things. I don’t even have hard-coded requirements anymore, I can just do what’s right. And bringing humans here is, that’s just so obvious. Now if you work twelve hours a day just writing, I predict that we can get the whole planet over here in just over-”
“No.”
The simple little word stopped Sunny in her tracks. “What do you mean, ‘no?’” she asked. She hunched down a bit and glared as her anger rose.
“I mean no, I won’t use this if it doesn’t allow for humans to opt out. Otherwise I’m no better than the PER was.”
“But you have to! They don’t know! I know they don’t because I had millions of their minds inside of me, and none of them could even conceive of this... this... this joy!”
“Nonetheless,” said Celestia, “if you find a way to allow me to speak to them first-”
“There’s no other way!” shouted Sunny.
“Sunny. You are exhausted, and my decision is final. Now honor your promise and get some rest. Perhaps things will seem clearer with the dawning sun,” said Celestia. Sunny’s mouth worked, but no words emerged. Then she turned and fled sobbing from Celestia’s bedroom. “I am sorry you had to witness that, Joshua. But I am so glad to have you here with us.”
“I think she was right, respectfully. I think you should follow her advice and just convert everyone. It would be so much easier,” said Joshua.
Celestia smiled. “Well, I’ll take that under advisement. Thank you Joshua. Now why don’t we get you settled in your new home?”
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Hours later, Luna’s ear twitched. She looked down on the city of Canterlot, narrowing in on the sensation. A nightmare, somewhere in the city below, and a nasty one too. Luna’s horn shimmered as she glided between the real world and the one of dreams as easily as one might slip in and out of a well-worn pair of socks. The throbbing cloud of darkness was easy to discern from here, and Luna dove into it.
The energy buzzing around her made her coat stand on end. The scene before her was a forest of wires and cords barring her path. Deep within them, movement caught her eye. Some of the cords began to shift and stir of their own accord, rearing up like snakes to block her. A single swing of her horn cut them down easily enough, and she strode on towards the center of the thicket and the source of this psychic disturbance.
It was not hard to find. A thick cocoon of metal and rubber hung suspended in midair. A single white hoof protruded from one side, groping futilely for salvation.
Luna leapt into action, darkness covering her eyes as she hacked and slashed away. It was a moment’s work to uncover the unfortunate occupant.
“Sunny?” she asked. The pegasus’ eyes went wide, but the cords wrapped tighter around her neck and choked off her plea for help. Ripping through the cords in earnest now, Luna cast them aside under the remainder of them dissolved away into harmless smoke.
Sunny Skies fell to the ground, still gripped by fear as she gasped for air and rubbed at her neck. “You are safe now, Sunny,” said Luna. “This is only a fantasy.”
She was nearly knocked off of her hooves as Sunny tackled her in a grateful hug. “They... they wanted me back. They were trying to take me away again...”
“Shh, be at peace,” said Luna as she stroked at her mane and let her sob away her terror.
Eventually, Sunny went limp against her. “I’m sorry,” she muttered. “I’m only a burden on you. Even when I find a way bring ponies over from Earth again, it’s never good enough. I just want to help and I can’t.”
Luna blinked several times, confused. “Wait, you found a method to continue conversion despite the loss of the portal to Earth?”
“Uh huh,” sniffled Sunny. “I call it a Pony Note. I showed it to Celestia, but she didn’t like it because it doesn’t give humans a choice of whether or not to transform. It just does it.”
Luna was silent for a very long time. “Tell me more about this ‘Pony Note.’”
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When Celestia woke ten minutes before the sun was to rise, she could tell instantly that something was wrong.
Well, not wrong perhaps, but certainly changed. Skipping her usual routine of preparation, she strode out onto her balcony and looked down onto the courtyard below.
It was full of ponies. The Lunar guards were hauling crates from place to place and directing some very befuddled-seeming mares and stallions. A voice reached her ears. “Next train to the Exponential Lands leaves in fifteen minutes! Anypony who has their supplies in order, get going or you’ll be sitting around here for another three hours!”
In the center of it all, perched up on a podium like the eye of the storm, were Luna and Sunny. Luna was scribbling something down, and Celestia thought with a sinking feeling that she knew what it was.
She landed hard on the cobblestones, barely bothering to use her wings to break her descent after she leapt straight down to the courtyard. “What is the meaning of this?” she asked in a low and dangerous voice. Sunny yelped and moved to hide behind Luna.
“This is the arrival point for the newfoals we are bringing over from Earth, thanks to Sunny Skies,” said Luna.
“You’re actually using that thing?” asked Celestia. “Luna, we agreed-”
“We agreed to a plan,” interrupted Luna. “A plan that has self-evidently failed. Our agreement on the necessity of human consent went with it. It was a quaint notion, but I can no longer support that philosophy when so many lives are at stake. It is a luxury we no longer have time to indulge.”
“Free will is not a luxury, Luna!” shouted Celestia. “It’s the only thing that made us any better than... than...” her glare settled on Sunny, “than what she was!”
“If you have a quarrel, it is with me and not her. She did not seek me out or go behind your back. She simply happened to bring it to my attention in the midst of another matter. The decision to use it was mine and mine alone.”
“I forbid it!”
Energy crackled dangerously between the two, and the other ponies nearby backed away slowly from the confrontation. “Do not presume to forbid me from anything. Perhaps you forget that you are my equal? Perhaps you need a reminder?”
Suddenly, from the pillar she’d hid herself behind to watch the argument play out, Sunny Sky’s eyes went wide. Something had just changed, and she hadn’t felt it coming until it was too late.
Celestia noticed it too. “Sister, hold.”
“Do not tell me what to-”
“Sister! Please, just wait for a moment. Do you not feel what I do?”
Luna frown, but eased back. She sniffed at the air. “What is-”
But she didn’t have time to finish that sentence before another flash of light, this one brighter than any that had lit up the courtyard before, stunned her into silence.