The moment I opened the door I was startled by Pinkie Pie suddenly popping up in front of me.
"Hey! It's about time you were done." She said. I held on to the doorframe and took a few deep breaths as my heart pounded in my chest.
"Gordon Bennett, Pinkie." I groaned. "Don't ya know how startling tha'tis?" She stepped back as I recovered and put a hoof to her chin as though she was in thought.
"About 62 percent?" She guessed. "68 percent? 72 percent?" I rolled my eyes and stepped down into the new room, which looked as though someone had taken a pergola and moved it indoors.
"Rather startling." I answered. "I doubt anyone could provide an exact percentage." Now I felt as though a boxer had grabbed my shoulders while wearing his gloves as Pinkie Pie guided me into the circle of ponies and humans who were sat, although some were not, around the room.
"Well turn that frown upside down, cause I've been wondering just what kinda games we could play now all you human bipeds have had your medical exams, even though it seems none of you had a written." She slackened the grip of her fetlocks, allowing me to get into a seat with a sigh of relief. "Since we can't be sure how long the Princesses're gonna be I figured we could have a game of riddles." I paused for a moment and thought this over. Knowing Pinkie Pie it should be safe compared to other ways this kind of game could occur but I wasn't sure if I had sufficient capacity for lateral thinking or if I could make a good one. So I simply shrugged and waited to see what would happen. "Okay, Applejack. You go first." Said pony rubbed her head with a hoof as Pinkie Pie found a cushion to sit on before she finally gave us the riddle.
"What's it that reaches higher than any tree bu' bares no fruit, it has the deepest roots but no shoots, up and up it goes bu' it don't actually grow?" There was a pause as we thought this over before my mum answered.
"A mountain." She sighed with a sense of 'here we go again' as Applejack smiled and said.
"Got'it in one. Your go." We waited for mum to deliver.
"All things it devours, birds, beasts, trees, flowers. Gnaws iron, bites steel, grinds hard stones to meal. Slays kings, ruins towns, and beats the high mountains down." This sounded most familiar to me as every one here, pony and person, thought this line over.
"Rust!" Pinkie Pie shouted.
"Wrong." Mum replied with a slight smirk.
"Um... is it a dragon?" Fluttershy chanced.
"No." Mum corrected.
"Hey, Pinkie." Rainbow Dash butted in. "How much time are we allowed?"
"Time!" I realised where mum was coming from. "The answer's time!" Mum nodded ferociously.
"All yours." Pinkie declared. I paused to think things over before finding an option, hoping that since mum had a go she'd abstained from this one.
"Thirty white horses on a red hill." I recited. "First they champ, then they stamp, and then they stand still." There was a long pause as this was considered.
"The Royal guard?" Rainbow Dash guessed.
"Eh-uh." I squawked while shaking my head.
"Oooh. I know, I know!" Pinkie Pie cried out. "It's teeth." I nodded at this. "See, we were confused because we've usually got thirty-six."
"Thirty-six." I repeated with a gasp. "Most humans have thirty-two, although the first set comprises of just sixteen."
"Yeah, we 'ave a first set, too." Applejack replied. "Only our foals typically have jus' twelve, and Big Macintosh, 'e's go' forty-two." This left me to wonder if Granny Smith had false teeth or not in light of the whole 'long in the tooth' thing just as Pinkie Pie announced.
"My go! My go!" She stuck her tongue out and positioned herself as if deep in thought before speaking again. "Why's a raven like a writing desk?" I rolled my eyes once she said this.
"Oh, she's lost the plot completely." Mum groaned, at which Rainbow Dash laughed.
"With Pinkie Pie it's more unusual when she gets a hold of it in the first place." She remarked. Nevertheless I knew that there was something of an answer somewhere but this was a long time coming. For a while there were mutters repeating the question as we struggled to solve it, Twilight and I were particular offenders of this.
"Because it can produce a few notes, though they are very flat." A familiar heavenly voice answered. "And it is 'nevar' put with the wrong end in front." At this point all of us had turned to see Princess Celestia standing not at the door where we had all come in but instead at the doorway that led down a marble corridor; of course I gave the over-heart salute whilst the rest of my family subsequently gave a brief bow or a slight curtsey and four of the ponies bowed rather more than any of us. Only Twilight and Pinkie remained.
"Correct!" Pinkie Pie declared. "Did ya hear that riddle before, Princess?" She nodded in response.
"A little under two hundred years ago." This was one situation where all of us who had only recently arrived in Equestria did double-takes between each other, Pinkie Pie and Celestia.
"I thought that riddle had no answer." Mum pointed out.
"I think I read that answer once." Jane whispered. Mum groaned at this.
"Only been here a day or two and I'm already convinced that miss diabetes-on-legs here's got no grasp on reality." She added.
"Oh, I don't think it's fair to say that." I pointed out. "Pinkie Pie's got a pretty good grasp on reality, but not necessarily a reality any one here's familiar with."
"Now that Luna and I've gone over the results of your medical exams," Celestia announced, "There is just one more thing to do before lunch, if you would all follow me." She turned and slowly walked back down the corridor, Pinkie Pie following in her classic stotting gait, whereupon Rainbow Dash took up position behind her with indications that she wasn't willing to set her hooves on the floor, after whom came Twilight and then I fell into position behind her. The others followed but I did not turn to look who stood where in the line at that time.
We were led along a winding route through the palace that seemed at that time to be akin to the labyrinth of legend. Now and again we passed arched windows that looked out over green terraces to the valleys beyond. Finally we came to a wooden door at the end of a passageway that bore no offshoots of any kind; Princess Celestia pushed open the door and, as we entered, I spied Princess Luna sitting behind a desk with a number of papers on it.
"Please be seated." Celestia invited us, pointing to a line of reasonably comfy-looking chairs. "Twilight, you and your friends need not participate in this; you'll find a few activities to pass the time through this door," She gestured over Luna's shoulder, "And once we're done we'll make it perfectly clear why we asked you to accompany our human guests." With that all the ponies gave a quick bow and departed as the rest of us took a seat and waited. Mum clearly looked like she was gonna be sick, but I couldn't be sure if this was because she hadn't had a smoke for an hour or so or if it was due to the girly nature of the standard Equestrian environment. Celestia now took up position beside her sister. "Since we are currently uncertain as to the cause of your arrival in our country, or indeed our world, we've agreed that there's no real option but to permit each and every one of you the chance to become citizens of Equestria." My eyebrows shot up at this with feelings of joy and unease. "The procedure will remain the same as it would for any other kind of sapient, however the educational requirements will be mitigated by way of being tutored by my own personal student with support from her assistant and periodical contributions from each of us, and furthermore I personally would be most grateful to be provided with information and education into the world of humans, which may be delivered either directly or via my student. Of course she'd be more than happy to learn about your world."
"This shall be carried out in alphabetical order." Luna announced. "However we're unsure as to whether we should handle each of you in order by your first names or your family names." Her tone suggested that she'd rehearsed this, which would explain the lack of archaic terminology.
"Then I would like our prospective subjects to put it to the vote." Celestia declared. "All in favour of being selected in order of your first names, raise your right... hand." It made sense, bearing in mind that only one of us had a different surname. "All who would rather be handled by family name?" Granddad was the only one who opted for the latter. "First name basis it is. Mr Colin H. Slater." I stood up as a 1960's pupil would when their teacher came into the class and stepped forward in a half-hearted march. "Please, be seated." Curiously a chair that looked like it came from an 18th Century version of Mastermind appeared; my seating was rather hesitant. "Whatever material you wish to remain confidential will remain so, since this room's enchanted to stop intimate conversations from carrying." I nodded at this.
"Please confirm thy name." Luna commanded, her tone reminded me of when I attended high school. I repeated as instructed, then I noticed that Celestia looked a tad amused.
"I believe she meant that we need to ascertain the spelling." She remarked. So I spelled out each of my names in turn, whereupon a quill scratched across a piece of paper in front of Luna, which suggested to me that she was the one who was levitating it.
"Date of birth?" Luna continued.
"If I were to mention it as I would normally," I pointed out, "It may cause miscalculations regarding my age."
"Explain." Celestia requested with a cocked eyebrow.
"Well, first off we both use different ways of numbering our years." I extrapolated. "Secondly we can't really be sure if we're using the same length of calendar." They looked at each other for a moment before coming to a decision.
"How many seconds in a minute?" Celestia asked.
"Sixty." I replied.
"How many minutes in an hour?" Luna asked.
"Sixty." I answered.
"How dost thy race cope with seasonal shifts?" Luna asked when Celestia informed Her of the nature of our yearly cycle. I paused as I tried to ascertain what She was talking about.
"If your majesty's referring to the accumulation of missing days that lead to the position of seasons shifting by way of our calendar year," The way I said it, in retrospect, seemed even more confusing than Her own, "We typically have 365 days in a year but add an extra day every four years, although if the leap year falls on a centennial then it may be skipped. I'm sorry, m'ladies, but I can't quite remember exactly how the Gregorian calendar works. See, the one where the leap year occurs every four years precisely is known as the Julian calendar." There was a pause before Celestia spoke.
"I look forward to hearing more about human horology, among many other topics." She said. "Just one thing, please try to avoid addressing us by the term 'm'lady', just 'princess' or 'princesses' will suffice." I lowered my head in embarrassment and shame, swallowing nervously as I wondered how firm-hoofed Celestia was regarding excessive and insufficient formality.
"So," Luna continued, "If thy home world's year is imperfectly aligned with thy daily cycle, how are the days split between the months?"
"Thirty days hath September," I recited, "April, June and November. All the others have thirty-one, except February. February has twenty-eight days under normal circumstances but twenty-nine during a leap year." The Princesses glanced at each other before Celestia mentioned.
"In the Equestrian calendar only January, March, May, August and October have thirty-one days, the rest have thirty. It would appear a curious incident that both our calendar dates match up in this year. So, when were you born in your own understanding of time-keeping?"
"Tenth of April, 1988." I explained. "Half past ten on a Sunday evening." Both of Them raised one eyebrow. "My last birthday was my twenty-fifth." Luna scratched out some more writing.
"What was thy address when thou was in thy home world?" She asked. I immediately informed them of this.
"Is England the name of your home country?" Celestia asked.
"Technically." I replied. "My nationality is British because England is just one of four countries that form the nation commonly known as the United Kingdom." A few more notes were written.
"We'll have to consider whether or not to use the same name for the track on which your home now stands." Celestia mentioned.
"Doth thou consider thyself religious in any way?" Luna asked
"Essentially." I replied, hoping that She didn't mean religious in the sense of religion being the key driving force in my day-to-day life.
"Then, what do you view yourself as in terms of faith?" Celestia added.
"Sakura no Mahou." I answered, barely missing a beat. There was a pause as They shared a glance.
"And what dost thy faith entail?" Luna added.
"In order for it to work," I began my spiel, "You have to accept the theory of there being a great multitude of alternative realities, which being here has pretty much confirmed. There was a work of fiction in my world about a schoolgirl who was tasked with recovering a series of magical entities that had got loose and, having done so, she was then tasked with bringing them completely under her authority; to become more powerful than the sorcerer who had created them. Depending on which version you use there could be nineteen or fifty-two entities. The key idea behind my making a faith from this is that, not only are there universes where fiction becomes reality but that in one particular universe this young sorceress was already the most powerful figure when she was twelve, so by the time she reaches adulthood her power would be so great that she could travel back in time and initiate the creation of all possible universes, in what I like to call the ouroboros principle." There was a seemingly long silence before Celestia spoke up.
"So, your beliefs stem from the idea of other realities and a pre-destination paradox?" I nodded with conviction at this. "I'm not entirely sure how that could work in a pure form as creation and governance are not quite the same thing. Who actually started this faith?"
"Me." I replied in a surprisingly sharp tone.
"And how many disciples hast thou acquired?" Luna checked. There was a pause as the awkwardness of the situation made me look as though I was calculating the answer.
"Altogether..." I finally answered, "None."
"So, this 'Sakura no Mahou' following consists of just one person?" Celestia seemed incredulous and amused at the same time. "I fear that your arrival in our nation may erode this faith."
"I'll admit it's likely to be amended into something a bit more polytheist," I replied, "But compared to what went before I'd say it's quite coherent. A popular concept amongst humanity is that 'god created man in his own image', but there was a time I thought 'the gods created rabbits in their own images'. However I'd appreciate it if your highnesses would avoid bringing this up in front of my parents." There was a slightly stumped look to Them but They gave a nod with a calm smile.
"I shall look forward to hearing more about human beliefs." Celestia added. "Especially if there's no clear physical indication to reinforce any of them."
"What was thy trade?" Luna asked.
"I worked as a library assistant for a college on Monday mornings." I explained. More scratches.
"And your hobbies?" Celestia asked.
"Reading, writing, listening to music, walking, there are a few others but I'd have to define some terms first." I seemed to have grown accustomed to Their style of writing by now.
"If thou refers to the everyday technology used by thy species," Luna stated, "We hath already received information about television and thy definition of 'computer', so unless there happens to be any other aspect thy wishes to explain thou can save thy breath."
"Your elocution is very poetic, Princess." I replied with a slight rise in at least one of my eyebrows. "There is one thing that's tied to the computer, which I doubt you've yet heard of. It's called the Internet." A brief exchange of looks between Them confirmed my suspicion. "It's a bit like a phone-line but separate, which allows computers to communicate with each other from all over the world. Indeed, last night I was able to confirm that it responded to passing across dimensions in the same way telephones have: they can still communicate with our home world as though nothing happened. At any rate the Internet has come to be used for all sorts of things: e-mail, the closest comparison to which would be how Spike sends letters to you, and there's the writing of stories, theses, theories, etc. television-type material can be found on it, photo manipulation (a kind of artwork), more standard art, the list is almost endless."
"And you... participate in these things?" Celestia asked.
"Indeed. It has been a very prominent feature in my spare time; of course I also play games on the computer which aren't directly linked to the Internet."
"And what style would these games of yours be?" Luna put in.
"Mostly strategy-based, Princess." I answered. "Although I've also played economically-inclined games and first-person games with a lot of fighting involved, oh and there's the adventure games." For a moment I thought They exchanged a wry smile, which made me wonder just what might be in store.
"Okay." Celestia stated as She wrote a few more notes. "What were your favourite subjects to study at school?"
"Ah." I had to consider just how to answer this. "Well, at this time I look back rather fondly on English, History and foreign languages. The way geography used to be taught garners some interest and I was quite fond of Science when I was at school, although it's lost its appeal since I took a college course in it. In a way I suppose everything has some fascination for me, it's just that the interest varies from topic to topic." The following pause was the longest yet in this intercourse, during which I felt as though a plethora of caterpillars had hatched in my stomach though I couldn't consciously pin down exactly what set it off at this time.
"I do believe that, in light of there being very little in the way of communication problems," Celestia identified, "Equestrian and English are essentially one and the same."
"That would appear to be the case." I acknowledged.
"Young human." Luna declared. "In light of the information thou hast delivered to us in light of thy knowledge of our nation we are in no doubt that thy determination to only pass on this information to whomever we judge suited to not only accept it but also to recognise it as an official secret is quite possibly thy most prudent decision as yet." I now considered the possibility that this topic was what set off the sense of unease, though there was no guarantee.
"One last thing." Celestia announced. "Please deliver unto us your most recent financial information from your world." I figured Her mode of speech was built around an idea to minimise any feeling of offense for asking me about my bank details; though this was supposed to be purely between me and the bank these circumstances and my burning desire to implicitly trust both of Them compelled me to hand it over. "And the money in your wallet." I immediately returned this item to Her. After a couple of minutes Luna said.
"What might thee determine to be the exchange rate between our worlds?" The look in Her sharp eyes indicated a suggestion that She could quickly determine anyone trying to perform a con.
"In light of how Applejack could sell an apple pie for two bits," I answered, "And that an apple pie can cost £2.50 at home, I'd say 1 bit to £1.25." Luna's glare softened, which seemed to finally settle the butterflies.
"In the coming week you will receive two accounts in the Equestrian National Bank." Celestia informed me. "One for savings and a current account. In the mean time," She returned my wallet before offering hard cash, "Please accept this for minor expenses. 16 bits, six and threepence." I stared at the plethora of floating coins before replying.
"Princess, despite my own tendency towards sponging I don't think it would be frugal of me to accept this." Once I said this She arched an eyebrow.
"Young man," Her tone had dropped significantly, "You have been plopped down in our realm with absolutely no currency that is recognised by international financiers. If you're so reluctant to accept this then I would have no alternative but to effectively command you to accept this." This made me feel most uncomfortable, it was rather like a slightly subtler version of that scene from Lord of the Rings where Gandalf suddenly becomes intimidating to Bilbo. Promptly I held out my hand and watched as the money was dropped in, although I had to bend down to retrieve a few that bounced. It seemed that Celestia had produced an actual note to the value of 10 bits, a striking orange bordered with an off-white upon which was Her profile on one side and a picture of the palace on the other. Among the coins there was a two-bit piece, which had both of Their profiles on and was twice the diameter of the typical bit, four one-bit pieces with both of Their cutie marks on, two one-shilling pieces that were about the same size as bits but made of silver or something superficially like it, two two-shilling pieces or florins if you will, a copper or bronze penny and a tuppence piece.
"Thank you, your majesties." I gave them a quick bow.
"Now, hast thee any questions?" Luna asked. There was a long pause as I did my best to think back to the ideas I wanted to clear up with Them; I could never understand what it was that made you forget all the questions and comments you wanted to address at the key moment.
"I could've sworn that there were many I wished to ask," I confessed, "But now I'm struggling to recall those that would surely be relevant but would not be resolved by way of my upcoming studies." At this Celestia seemed to sigh and shake Her head.
"Then let's stick with any curiosities you may have about our society," She suggested, "And that which any young foal could deduce had they been born here." There was a suggestion of a teasing wink from Her. Taking a deep breath I considered my first question before asking.
"On the night of a meteor shower Twilight was writing a paper on the consistency of comets, which happens to be pretty much how humanity currently understands them. If this was correct, then how would you be able to manipulate such events as meteor showers, Princess Luna?" She seemed taken aback by this remark and, from Celestia's reaction to this, a bit confused as well.
"I think he's referring to the Orionid shower." Celestia suggested, prompting something else I wished to get cleared up.
"Oh." Luna responded. "Well, we dost hath total authority over the night sky but, thou should understand that sapient life is typically curious and so we will amend our designs now and then. Comets used to be little more than portions of light with a meagre physical form to anchor the light to, but about twelve hundred years ago we made it so they'd shine through a more direct physical effort." Far from being disappointed, although I was initially inclined that way, I smiled and replied.
"I shall look forward to any opportunity to watch your work. Albeit there may be many a distraction that could crop up at the wrong time." Luna seemed to acknowledge this as being a typical outlook. "By the way, the way I understand it the constellation of Orion is supposed to look like a human fighting something. If it looks the same here then have you ever encountered or heard of humans before?"
"The donkeys used to refer to a myth about humans." Celestia acknowledged. "It spoke of bipedal primates who could swim better than any other but were so driven by the passion of hunting that they were among the most indulgent and dangerous of all species except for dragons. Of course that was most assuredly an exaggeration; I'm not too clear on the origins but I suspect they were actually thinking more about the diamond dogs, although they aren't that great at swimming." I nodded in response to this as it seemed to fit together before stating.
"Just be careful about mentioning 'diamond dogs' to my parents. It was bad enough with the whole 'Canterlot - Camelot' thing." They exchanged a look of puzzlement at this. "That's all I can think of right now." At this They gave a comparatively small smile and Luna said.
"Worry not for thy recall. It could well be that under Twilight Sparkle's tutelage thou shalt learn more readily than in our own interviewing." I felt like I was blushing at this point.
"All right." Celestia announced. "You may wait in the next room now." She swung Her hoof in a loop, which I wasn't sure if it was a reinforcement of Her words or if She was doing so to try and shrug off any unease I felt regarding my limited knowledge of Equestrian etiquette. With that I stood, made a brief Japanese-style bow and turned to the only other door in the room.