Cultural Artifacts

by Dan_s Comments


18) And the Fly Eats the Spider

Dan's Comments

Cultural Artifacts - And the Fly Eats the Spider

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 29

        The dim, red light shown on the large square of paper in the pan. Featherweight moved the paper slightly with tongs while he waited. He was especially proud of this picture. I was at the right place, at the right time and focused on the subject.

        Featherweight damped down his eagerness as he developed the photos he'd taken of the party. He grinned as this print in particular appeared on the paper. The subject looked every inch a hero of the old sagas. Standing his ground against all comers, his 'family' resting across his broad back.

        Featherweight sighed sadly as he held it up to let the developer drip off, before hanging it up beside the dozen or so still damp prints of what he'd photographed. "No one would believe Blueblood could really . . . " He ran to the end of the small, dark room and began digging through several photographic magazines.

        He found the one he was looking for and paged through it. "Ah!" The contest was for best camera trickery. He looked at the picture he had and smiled. "It's dishonest, but I really want that compositor." He looked at the print of 'Blueblood hero of legend' that would win him the contest for sure. He grinned as he printed the rest of his candid shots. Maybe I should show the print to his Highness, and tell him what I'm going to do with it, he briefly considered as he thought of the collection of shots he had of the prince's escapades around Ponyville, Nah, wait till I win, then thank him.

        Soon hanging from the line and drying were prints of the Big Guy feeding the Princess, Fluttershy and Blueblood actually laughing, Rarity and Starlit Circlet talking, 'Celly' and 'Woona' being adorable.

        He sighed again as he stared at those collections of prints, and wondered about the unfairness of the world. "I can't even talk to them," he said as he stared at the two alicorn fillies.

        He put the gear away and looked at the prints hanging to dry, and smiled. "No one would believe it," he said and closed the door.


Day 30

        The warm softness, the feeling of absolute security, the soothing sounds and even the placid scent of the others at rest tried to drag Trixie back to the lands of sleep. But knowledge of what the day was and what it meant conflicted sharply. Driving her to wakefulness and worries. Trixie does not want to wake up, Trixie wants to stay like this forever. Trixie wants to go on the road and perform. Trixie has offers from a dozen theaters and play dates that would keep her busy for three months. Trixie does not want to give up 'pony piling' with her friends, but the road. Trixie woke fully as the others piled out of the bed. A few gentle nuzzles and a delicious scratching behind the ears, and then she had to act awake, or stay in bed alone.

        She looked at the people she'd been thrown together with and felt her stomach turning. I want to stay, but those places. I would never have dreamed I could play some of those venues, she thought as Derpy and the Big Guy looked at her as she stared forlornly back. To get everything I ever thought I wanted, I have to give up what I find I want more than anything.

        Derpy and the Big Guy walked over and enfolded her in a hug. She couldn't take it, she burst out crying.

        "I want to stay, I want to go, and I can't decide," she sobbed as she clung to the pair.

        "Do both," Derpy said, "Go, and come back. Everybody leaves for a while. The ones who really love you come back." Derpy sniffled and held Trixie tighter. "We'll miss you," she cried as she bawled against the showmare.

        Woona walked back to see the commotion, facehoofed and walked away.

        The mares quieted their sobs, and all three held each other. The smell of pancakes began drawing their attention.

        "I'll miss you, will he understand?" Trixie asked.

        "He will. He's had to let kids grow up too," Derpy said and sniffled. "Knock'em dead. You can. Just ignore the hecklers, what you really have done trumps all they could dream of."

        "That's why I want to stay," Trixie admitted.

        "You won't be happy if you stay," Derpy said, "Go, and come back."

        "He must think we're insane," Trixie said of the fascinating yet infuriating creature who hugged both mares.

        "He is loved," Derpy said and nuzzled him, "I think that's what he wants."

        Trixie nuzzled he as well.


        Celly had practically flown out of the bedroom when she realized the Big Guy was going to be delayed. She'd puzzled out most of the ingredients, their measurements and found the tools days earlier and was now in the kitchen mixing a batch of batter. "This is going to be delicious!" she insisted as she poured the batter on the smoking griddle. The cake sizzled and rose. She turned it with a horn-driven spatula and marveled at the golden brown color and the amazing smell.

        "Discord must have escaped!" Woona called, "Somebody let Celly into a kitchen!"

        "Hush or you don't get any," Celly said as she lifted the griddle cake and sampled it. "Yes!" She held that one to nibble on, as she poured more batter and began turning out more and more of the cakes. Watching each cook as intently as a mother hen watched her chicks. She didn't notice or care that the stacks she carefully created vanished almost as quickly.

        When she did look up from mixing a second container of batter, she saw Derpy and the Big Guy watching her across the stove. She returned to concentrating on her cooking. "Derpy wants to have your foals," she said as she poured batter onto the slightly smoking griddle.

        "Yes, I'd love some pancakes, thank you," he replied in flabbergasted tones, "That's a heck of a jump even for me."

        "We talked about it," Celly said in a quiet tone to not alert the others, especially the mare watching the cooking, "She wouldn't want you, except as a stallion, or with her as a human mare. We also found your book." She grinned as he reacted to that.

        "My wife's book. That's the same lady who when asked by the Baptists if she'd read the bible with them, would read from the Song of Solomon."

        Celly shook her head.

        "Dirty love poems, in the middle of a religious work," he told her.

        Celly snorted, then sobered. "I would have liked to meet her."

        "She probably would have driven you crazy," he said and smiled, "She was like you, and a lot like Derpy. She could be startlingly direct, without being impolite. But she loved twisting pompous windbags into knots with simple and innocent sounding questions and comments." He kept a wistful smile for a moment, as if examining the memory. Then he put it away. "I thought putting it in the top shelf of a twelve-foot-high bookcase might have reduced interest."

        "Pinkie Pie found it," Celly said as she poured and turned, and stacked the finished product. "Believe me, that's pretty typical for Pinkie Pie. Derpy and I saw her reading it, and it's not that hard to figure out."

        "Hence the follow up that she wants foals," he said, he scratched behind Derpy's ears. The mare took on a dreamy expression at the simple pleasure. "It's not something I've thought about. In dreams, things like that are possible, but even with the Alicorn Amulet, is that even possible?"

        Celly smiled, "I can do it, not now but within a few weeks."

        "I may need that long to consider it," he admitted, "Would we both be ponies, or humans?"

        "Or something in between you're both comfortable with," Celly said, noted the silence and glanced up, "What's wrong?"

        "Just, complications," he admitted, though his expression was unreadable rather than relieved, "I almost don't want to know who else I've been sleeping with has these thoughts."

        Celly considered as she poured the last of the batter and set the pitcher in the sink. "All of us."

        He looked like he'd been hit by a board.

        "Well you're so cute and snuggly, what pony wouldn't love you?" Celly asked innocently, and trotted to the dinner table with the platter of pancakes.

        I wonder what Discord makes of that, or did he figure it out and not tell him? Celly thought.

        "You don't guess wrong often. But when you do, it's a doozy. I'm too old for an athletic harem," he muttered as he headed for the table before others ate all the griddle cakes.


        Celly, Trixie and the Big Guy stood in the library with an initial audience of two, Spike and Twilight had obviously seen better days. Celly grinned at Twilight as the mare looked utterly horrified at the scenario of plant-society apocalypse the Big Guy had laid out. Sveti and Mystery had arrived to observe and be horrified as well. Twilight had tested her tree, to see if it was one of the last survivors of that ancient race. Spike had been muttering things meant to soothe his sibling, and Celly suspected that was all that was preventing the mare from running around screaming. Mystery was getting the same from Sveti. Neither of the intellectuals looked long for the sunlight world of sanity.

        Then the Big Guy had laid the Alicorn Amulet on a table. Twilight had taken another round of pacing and Spike reassuring her before she was willing to cast the spells to verify it was what it was. Then they summoned a small image of Tom.

        "Good evening all, I hope you both can understand me," the small sphere said.

        Twilight, Trixie and Spike made affirmative noises. Sveti and Mystery nodded, the two griffons drawn by the story. Celly and the Big Guy said 'yes.'

        "The history of these creatures is long and ancient. They lived the most active part of their existence in their collective consciousness. Debating ideas and observations while their bodies collected light and nutrients and nourished the entire society," Tom said, "A race of peaceful, enlightened philosophers."

        Twilight absorbed the knowledge greedily, but still had her horrified expression firmly plastered on her face. She nodded as the enormity of the situation descended on her full force. "So what do we do about something that happened over a thousand years ago?" Twilight said, and Tom repeated in translation.

        "First, you check with their Highnesses about whether we do anything at all," the Big Guy said, "Then we check if Zecora's tree is another in the chain. That'll give us two. There may be more. If their Highnesses agree, we run a line from one to the other and see if anyone is still home."

        They waited for Tom to translate, and Twilight nodded. She seemed vaguely unwilling to pursue this ancient crime without the blessing and support of her mentor. They left while Twilight was composing the letter to the princesses. Before they reached the front door, she suddenly turned back and exclaimed something, pointing first to Tom, then the Big Guy and chattering rapidly.

        "She's wondering why I don't provide constant translation services. She also want to know what you really want, I assume from the context, out of your life in Equestria," Tom paraphrased.

        Twilight nodded.

        "Tell her," the Big Guy shrugged and replied.

        Tom cleared his throat. "`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe."

        Tom sighed, "I believe that covers the subject?"

        "Very concise and appropriate, poetic even," the Big Guy agreed. Celly nodded sagely, Spike looked at them through half-lidded eyes. Twilight looked offended and utterly confused.

        "Some things don't translate out of context, and I am a spirit of chaos," Tom added, "Just more polite than Discord. And I'd rather be true to the spirit, than the letter."

        Twilight muttered something about her own letter and trudged back to the writing desk, where she laid her head on the flat surface. Spike backed up, keeping himself between them and her the whole way.

        Tom vanished. Celly and the Big Guy left. Trixie approached Twilight offering some soothing words, or words in a soothing tone.

        "Okay, even I don't know what that meant," Celly admitted as they walked down the street.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought --
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And, as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
He chortled in his joy.

`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe."
Lewis Carrol, Jabberwocky."

        "Which tells me what, exactly?" Celly asked, "Other than that you memorized it, which is telling enough."

        "The hero vanquishes the monster and returns to love and accolades, what else?" he asked and grinned. "The other reason is I'd have to keep the Alicorn Amulet on my person at all times. That's not something I want to risk."

        "So that's how you gassed them," Celly quietly accused, "You used that so that poor mare embarrassed herself . . . yes, I approve, but you should still be scolded."

        "She was a gasbag," he replied, "I just wanted everyone to make the connection."

        "You are awful," Celly said and giggled, "She's going to take at least a day to compose and send the message. I doubt Celestia and Luna are going to come to an instant decision. So what are we to do?"

        "We're going to explore the cavern Blueblood found when he showed up. I verified it was there, and I knew what the lock was. But I wasn't going in without a few reinforcements."

        Celly's eyes widened. "You, needed reinforcements? I think we'd better break Discord out of his shell. The world is coming to an end."

        "Maybe you're right," he said quietly.

        "I was joking," Celly said, then caught the briefest smile. "You rotter."

        "You're just so cute like that," he told her and grinned.

        Her smile froze and she let him get a bit ahead. She looked herself over and considered. I wish I knew for sure, Celly thought then trotted to catch up, Does he like me the way he likes Derpy? The way he likes Dinky? Ugh, please no, not that! Is Derpy right, that I'd have to be a human female? She glanced over to him and smiled. But he thinks I'm a child. Of course he thinks of most ponies as children. That's going to take some work to overcome.


        Trixie stood outside the laundry room and stared at the closed door to the garage. She summoned her power, and willed its secrets to be revealed. No, somepony in there doesn't want me to know, she thought as she watched Blueblood collecting some of his things. She'd hoped to see what the big secret was when the Big Guy had summoned the prince out of the garage. She'd been blatantly and efficiently thwarted. Notebook, geologist's pick, I can't imagine his reputation and those thing going together, she thought as she watched the preparations.

        The squawk of alarm from the patio drew her attention from the door. She and Blueblood raced to where the rest of the 'expedition' was assembling their gear.

        Just off the patio was Pinkie Pie, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Pinkie had just unveiled the 'Party Cannon Mk 88', a large artillery piece on a four-wheeled trailer. The entire gun crew were wearing coal buckets on their heads. Pinkie pulled a muffin from the large bags sitting on the wheeled frame the cannon was mounted on. She dashed the muffin against a rock, and the rock broke. She held up the undamaged muffin and grinned hopefully. Sweetie Belle was completely embarrassed by the display of muffin-invulnerability.

        The Big Guy was double facehoofing, but he was also laughing.

        That could be very good, or very bad, Trixie thought as she approached. That Celly was equally uncertain didn't bode well for the Big Guy's sanity.

        "What is that on your head?" Blueblood asked, "And if it's a helmet, why cut earholes in it?"

        "They go with the cannon," Pinkie Pie said.

        "How many dragons do you expect to shoot with this thing?" Blueblood asked, paused briefly as if considering sticking his head in the huge bore, but thought better of it.

        One bore inside another, bad things would happen, she thought.

        "Aren't you supposed to - AWK!" Trixie had begun, only to spot Cheerilee and a dozen other students dragging a similar four-wheeled cannon. Only a few of them wore the odd coal bucket-looking helmets, the difference among the two 'crews' was Pinkies had mostly Celestia-solar symbol on their helmets or were unmarked, and Cheerilee's team were split evenly between that and Luna-moon symbols, but they were mixed and the marking had no rhyme or reason. "You really ought to mount those on some kind of armored wagon," Trixie commented, "Maybe internally powered."

        "I tried, but the tiger wouldn't stay in the tank," Pinkie said and frowned briefly.

        Trixie decided to leave whatever reality Pinkie was currently in and talk to the school teacher. "You brought students to fire cannons?"

        "Pinkie said it was a very historical day," Cheerilee said as she examined the cannon, then smiled at Trixie, "One that would shed light on the earliest days of Canterlot, before the Pony sisters."

        "And that she decided to bring the two most formidable pieces of artillery I've ever heard of didn't alert you that there might be cause for concern?" Trixie asked in strangled tones.

        "Better to be operating the cannons, than without them elsewhere," Cheerilee said and grinned.

        At that she fell silent. Trixie cannot argue with that logic. But it helped her make another decision. Trixie is leaving, if only for a while. When Trixie starts understanding the inmates of this open-air asylum, it's time to spend time with other ponies, she thought.

        "Thank you," she said and headed towards where the Big Guy was assembling the supplies for the expedition. She sat down beside him and gave in a friendly nuzzle.

        Trixie thinks he needs a rational friend almost as badly as Trixie does, she thought as he checked over the equipment, and occasionally glanced up at the artillery and their eager crews, then swiftly looked back down at the list.


        Celly wanted to laugh at him, the case where the biggest purveyor of chaos getting trumped. Now's a good time to laugh, but later will be so much better though, she thought as tried to be as serious as Woona usually was. Let him explain it a little, then a giggle and a hug would be appropriate.

        Trixie, looking equally dumbfounded, walked over and gave him a nuzzle, before putting her head on his leg. She seemed as bewildered as he was.

        "Are you all right?' Celly asked as he checked over their supplies.

        "Oh, sure," he said distractedly. He paused and focused, before turning to face her. "I can accept that Pinkie duplicated the carriage of a Flak18/36, mounted what looks like a 28 centimeter mortar in place of the 88. I can accept that she got the Stahlhelms with the Equestrian logos. How did she get them here, without taking them through the house?" he asked despairingly

        Celly blinked. "You aren't questioning its existence, you're questioning its location?"

        "Pinkie was in my house twice without my permission," he said, "She could have looked at any of the books and gotten the idea. But how'd she get them and both gun crews here?"

        Celly sat down beside him and laid her head on his leg. "Don't talk to me anymore, I have a headache," she mumbled.

        He shrugged and completed his inventory. Then he signaled Blueblood to lead and he fell in behind. The rest of the group, including both guns, followed them.

        The walk was not a long one. He motioned for Pinkie's gun team to travel past the cavern opening and set up to catch anything coming out in a crossfire with Cheerilee's gun team.

        "You think something is going to crawl out of there and get us?" Celly asked The musty, disused smell covered the area. "If this place is like the Canterlot I came from, nobody has been here in a thousand years."

        "Believe me, that doesn't matter a whit," he replied as he made sure Pinkie would stand to her gun, rather than follow them inside. He stood and listened. No sound of dripping water, or vermin reached their ears.

        The pink mare saluted, and swung down the cruciform outriggers and prepared a ready reserve of a dozen shots. Cheerilee's team were doing the same. Blueblood and Trixie waited nervously at the entrance to the offshoot. The three 'crusaders' announced something loudly, which made Trixie roll her eyes.

        The cobwebs had been disturbed recently, by Blueblood as he recognized the carving on the door and pressed through them

        "John Williams is the spooky music, Discord," the Big Guy replied to the unheard question. The stone work was crude, as if a normal passage had been used, rather than something cunningly carved to look like a natural passage.

        "Should we be doing this?" he asked as he helped clear away the cobwebs. Every few paces, on the left or on the right there was a niche with a chimeric guardian in it. Mixes of animals in disturbing combinations. Giant crabs with pony heads, praying mantises with four sets of catch claws. A creature that looked like a cross between a pitcher plant and a tripod. "Don't touch anything. Those may be more than gargoyles to scare away the unworthy, or failed experiments petrified for storage. They may be in some kind of stasis."

        "Or they could just be statues," Celly said, as her horn illuminated one of them, "I'm not picking up any magic. Not even residuals. Magic can't do everything. A thousand years is a long time, even for magic. They're also stone, not petrified flesh."

        Trixie and Blueblood were also shaking their heads. They found no threatening magics. The group moved forward slowly. Clearing the cobwebs, and revealing more of the silent guardians. He kept glancing back.

        Calculating the time it would take to run back to the familiar, Celly considered and glanced back herself, It would be our luck to have these things all spring out of the niches once we're against the door. Then only a few of them could keep us occupied, while the rest go after the kids. She shuddered at the thought and prepared for the possibility.

        The door itself appeared normal, save for the inches-thick, round plate standing proud of the surface. Inset on the plate was a hollow that looked like the Alicorn Amulet. Then she looked closer and saw things suspended a few inches from the door proper, as if the door was covered in a thick layer of water-clear amber. Insects mostly, a coin, the tip of a knife, others.

        Celly leaned close. The knife was a mass of corrosion near the surface, but the blade still shone clean and unsullied near the tip. "Time manipulation," Celly breathed, "That's nearly impossible."

        "But he did it," the Big Guy said as he pointed to the coin hanging in midair, "I tossed that in near the top when I came here with Blueblood. That's how far it dropped in the whole time since. That barrier slows time, more as you get closer to the door, less as you pull away. The end of the plate is outside, that's still in the normal timestream," he said, "I'll bet the effect is just leakage. At the surface of the door and behind it, not one moment has passed."

        "Then it gets stronger as you go deeper," Celly said, "I think that may be how we beat him, if he cast that spell before facing us, he should have been exhausted. It's amazing."

        "Unless he really screwed up the timing and only the field on the door still works," he said, "I think Nistag expected to be back, and he locked up shop before he went out to face you and Luna. But he lost. I don't know how good the locks are, but considering your analogs never found this place, I think they were pretty good. You said you couldn't sense anything, and that's standing next to it. Add a few hundred feet of stone, and detection becomes even more problematic." He stepped back from the door, and looked at the figures in the niches. Worry cleared showed in his expression.

        "Are you saying that you want to wait for some combat archeology team from the capitol?" Celly asked, "Because I can tell you, my government didn't have one."

        "I think we've got the best team we're going to get, and with a decent reserve if we need it," he said as he lifted the Amulet. He turned and shooed Trixie and Blueblood away. Then mimed something jumping him and Celly, with Trixie and Blueblood charging in.

        The pair looked at each other, then looked at him as if he'd lost his mind.

        "I don't think they're the 'charge in and rescue us' types," Celly said with a grin.

        "I think I'm right and they're wrong," he said, then focused on the amulet. The eye glowed a baleful red. "Okay, first we deal with you. Then, the door." He glanced around nervously. "I do not like that spooky echo. Can you conjure a solar bomb and we'll just toss it in. To Hell with the cultural and archeological findings in there. Just nuke the monsters waiting for us in there."

        "No," Celly said firmly.

        "Just exploring all the options. Now, I need to concentrate," he said as he sat and stared at the amulet.

        He noted he was not the only one concentrating intently on the amulet and the mental struggle, Celly thought after he glanced over his shoulder.

        He grinned at her, looked back to the amulet and commenced the battle.

        I've never seen anything that intricate, outside of a weaver's loom, she thought as the amulet pressed forward three lines. These lines would catch on weavings almost unseen. The other columns would turn to support, and along their length dozens of tiny strikes would enmesh the column. Red color like veins ran back to the central mass along the tentacles. It's like watching three giant snakes fighting a legion of invisible spiders, she thought as a fourth column was extended, far away from the others. That one simply ceased to be at the tip, and all four of the tentacular columns tried to withdraw. But three were trapped and taking whatever poison they were being stung with to the central mass.

        Celly shied as she heard the mental shriek as the poison built up and could no longer be ignored. The amulet's red eye blazed like fire, before guttering to a pale blue.

        The Big Guy shook himself and stretched. "That's getting harder," he admitted, "But I don't think I'll have to worry about it for a while."

        "How so?" Celly asked steadying him as he clambered to his feet.

        "Because behind there is everything I need for my work," he said as he carefully, almost reverently fitted the amulet into the inset on the plate. The eye blazed blue, as his fingers remained in contact with the amulet itself, not touching the plate. Needles shot out of the plate, but they were to catch hooves, and the Big Guy's long fingers and hands kept them out of harm's way.

        Celly felt the magic resisting, and the thread of chaos coming out of the Big Guy became a torrent passing through the amulet. The spell on the door began to 'illuminate' to become visible to any with mystical talent. Both Blueblood and Trixie gasped in awe as the extent of the area protected by the spell became apparent.

        You could put the house and grounds inside that area, Celly realized as she studied the matrix of the spell that somehow had kept time away from the inside of what had to have been Nistag's inner sanctum. I think we won't have to worry about reinforcements, if they can't feel this, they aren't paying attention.

        The Big Guy sagged slightly as he fought to over master the spell denying them entrance. The sudden appearance of light around the door told all the watchers that he'd beaten it. He managed to snatch the amulet out of the door as the stone slab retracted into the wall.

        Celly fluttered up and caught him as he stumbled back. "Easy, I've got you," she assured him as she lowered him to the ground. Neither Trixie nor Blueblood seemed eager to press past and explore. Celly glanced at the statues that lined the path to the lab. She looked for any sign of movement, any flicker of magic or mechanism that would set them going again. For several minutes, while the Big Guy gathered his strength, there were none.

        The faint sound drew their sudden and full attention and they sprang into action. Pinkie, a hoof full of popcorn halfway to her mouth and a large bag in her other arm smiled nervously at the lethal intent suddenly directed at her. She rattled the bag again and extended it towards them, all the while wearing a nervous grin.

        "I think we need to calm down a bit," he said as he returned his pistol to its holster. "I can recognize the symptoms of battle fatigue well enough. Carelessness is another, so double check everything." He stood up and pointed at Pinkie. "Don't touch anything."

        Pinkie saluted, zipped away, returned to grab the popcorn before it hit the ground and zipped away again. A moment later she and her team were dragging the Mark 88 to fire straight down the corridor. She saluted again, and clicked her rear hooves.

        "Close enough," he commented as he returned her salute.

        With Pinkie growling at the corridor, and urging the rest of her gun crew to do the same, they proceeded through the door. The plant slamming itself against the inside of its enclosure startled all of them. Blueblood ran wailing down the corridor to huddle behind Pinkie's gun. The exasperated mare put her Stahlhelm on his head and walked towards her friends. She spoke to Trixie, who nodded.

        "Why are the more dangerous ones the ones who get guards?" Celly asked as the quartet moved forward slowly in formation around the Big Guy.

        "Ooo! Ooo!" Pinkie cried out and pointed. She strained forwards as if someone were holding her back by her tail, but she kept pointing.

        Inside the enclosure was a dissected creature. It looked vaguely like a teenaged dragon, but the internal arrangement was completely lacking.

        "Wait a second," he said as he removed from his pack, and set up his special camera on a tripod. Pinkie dashed outside and let out a happy shout. She dashed back in, serious demeanor restored.

        "I think that mare has a finite storage of insanity, and then has to bleed it off," he commented as he took the UV photo of the mini-dragon. His suspicions were instantly confirmed. He called Trixie over to verify the patterns on the dragon's body matched the marking they'd seen under ultraviolet on the monster plant's lure in the Everfree.

        As the showmare nervously nodded, he showed the photos to Celly. "We fought a monster in the Everfree that had these same hidden markings. I suspected it was Nistag's work from what Discord told me. But now we have some proof. The question becomes, how alive are the rest of these specimens? If that's a plant rather than an animal, is it alive? Still alive?"

        "If you're trying to get us to relax," Celly commented as she glanced back at the very mobile plant in the solid enclosure, "You're failing miserably. Now you've got me expecting those dead things to wake up and burst out of their enclosures. All torn open like that."

        "Pretty gruesome image from the princess of love and friendship. I approve," he replied as he swung the camera around and took several shots of the lab, before they disturbed anything.

        Pinkie let out a cry of mortal anguish and pain. Celly and Trixie charged over. There Pinkie pronked in place in front of a red button the size of a dinner plate. As she bounced, a hoof would reach out, only to return to vertical before she could touch the button. She squealed in frustration. Trixie grabbed her in midbounce with her horn magic and carried her outside.

        "Don't you dare!" Celly warned as he looked at the button.

        "Photographs," he explained and took several pictures, changing the filters on the lens as he did. "Visible, Infrared and Ultraviolet." He looked around at the place. "I'm not going to touch anything until I can read what it says. But I think we need to turn this over to some other authorities. I'll relock the door, but I doubt I can put everything back in stasis, unless that's a normal function of the door lock. We can get Sparkle and Princess Luna in here to look this place over. I'd like to be able to use this as a lab, and all the equipment, but I'll leave that decision to the crown."

        "Now I am worried, you're being too reasonable," Celly said.

        "I'm through fighting battles I don't have to," he replied, "We located it, we accessed it. The crown has got to have investigators for ancient sites like this. Or the nobles do. This place is also historical, and may have notes on the situation before Discord and Nightmare Moon. Records that others will want undisturbed. I can have any of the glassware or devices duplicated from what they find in here. Because I know at least one of them exists."

        "Okay, finish your photos." Celly fluttered her wings. "This place gives me the creeps."

        "You've faced worse," he replied.

        "Not what this implies. It isn't just Nistag's work, but I remember some of the things he created. To know his lab was so close to the capital worries me. That anything that pokes its head out and waggles its claws at us could have escaped to threaten my world." She looked around nervously. "I think incinerating this place might be a better option."

        "We might need the notes to reestablish the talking trees network," he pointed out.

        "Assuming that the notes exist, and aren't encrypted," Celly pointed out.

        "Let's go, we secured our flank, and now let's deal with a happy surprise," he said as he headed towards the entrance.

        Celly backed out, trying to see what had her on edge. All she saw was her own reflection distorted in the laboratory glassware. She listened intently for some over confident construct or trap to think her attention was withdrawn.


        The faint crack woke Luna out of her slumber. Aside from raising and lowering the moon, she'd been with the horn-egg in her bedroom the entire time. Keeping the strange egg under her wing. She nodded to the guard who'd been tasked with the job of waiting in Luna's bedchambers and alerting Celestia that there was activity from the egg.

        I'd think the thing would have bulged some, or reacted some way to being ready to 'hatch', Luna thought as the faint sounds from the egg became audible. Scratching. Tapping. Those almost sound like incantations, she thought as she listened.

        Celestia raced into the room, more excited than Luna could remember seeing her. She only regained her usual composure when she saw that Luna still had the egg cradled under a wing. "So, no hatching yet?"

        "I just heard the crack, and can't see any damage to the shell," Luna offered, "But I think it's started."

        "So no explosion and a cry of 'cower brief mortals!'?" Celestia asked and grinned.

        "Not yet," Luna said sourly, "But a mix of you and Nightmare should be very interesting."

        "It would be just like him to make this an ordinary filly," Celestia said as she looked at the horn-egg under her sister's wing.

        "So, is this an inconvenient time?" Cadence asked as she entered.

        "Not really," Celestia said, "Maybe that's the delay."

        "How did you find out?" Luna asked.

        "You used a guard," Cadence said as she approached, "And you remember who's my special somepony?"

        "I need to talk to him about security," Luna said.

        "Oh, I already talked to him about it," Cadence said as she stood opposite Celestia, "And I was able to convince him not to have the Elements of Harmony on call for this."

        Luna rolled her eyes. "Has everyone gone mad?"

        "Considering what that child's parents and source are, I'm surprised you were able to convince him," Celestia said.

        "It was easy, if all three of us were here, he's still sent a team to get the Elements and Bearers ready as a back up." Cadence giggled at Luna's disgust.

        There was another soft crack, and Luna peered at the horn-egg. "I think this one is going to take her own sweet time."

        The three alicorns settled in to wait.


        The Big Guy got Pinkie's attention as she helped pull the Mark 88 party cannons into the geode-like cavern where the house stood. He glanced at the soon-to-be recipient of the party they'd planned out. Pinkie gave a firm nod and happily considered the decoration loads she had for both cannons.

        At least I didn't mix up the streamers and the cake batter, she thought as they walked around the house to the front, and the area where the two vehicles were parked.

        "Are we going to risk trying the front door?" Trixie asked as she looked at it. The walkway was a duplicate of the walkway that led to Ponyville, but no one had tried the front door to see where it now led. Since opening the door from the inside always led to the Ponyville corridor.

        The Big Guy reached into the truck. A moment later, the garage door began to rise. Segments folding up along their tracks.

        "Tada!" Pinkie called and fired both cannons to lay down the decorations.

        Inside the garage, Woona, Sveti and the Apples pulled the wagon out into the open.

        "Well, say something," Pinkie said to Trixie as the showmare bit her lip and trembled.

        "Wahhaaa!" the showmare shouted as she wrapped her forelegs around the Big Guy's waist and burst into tears.

        He knelt down to put his arms around Trixie's neck while the showmare sobbed on his shoulder.

        "Shouldn't she be happy?" Applebloom asked Cheerilee.

        "Sometimes you're so happy, you cry," Cheerilee said wistfully as she watched him stroking Trixie's mane and murmuring to her softly.

        Pinkie couldn't stand it, she dashed over threw her hooves around both of them and began crying. A moment later, the Crusaders and other student added their sobs and hugs to the pile. For some reason, Woona, Sveti and Celly were laughing.

        It was several minutes later when everyone dried their eyes and let go. Allowing the Big Guy to lead Trixie over to her new show wagon. He easily picked up one end, then moved around to pick up the other, showing its light weight, and he showed the wheels that were easily twice as wide as normal wheels. They went inside and he showed her all the fancy designing he'd done. The fold down bunk, all the storage spaces for props, even a few hidden places for her to hide valuables.

        The Apples brought out several bundles of material. Pinkie recognized some as the remains of Trixie's first wagon. The others were newly purchases or newly built versions of the destroyed props.

        At this, Trixie again burst into tears. Celly and Woona approached and soothed the sobbing mare in the Big Guy's arms.

        "Is she gonna put on a show?" Featherweight whispered to Pinkie.

        "Only if she wants to, and I don't think she wants to," Pinkie whispered back, "Let her enjoy the party."

        "But she's crying all the time," Applebloom said, but her tearful glances at Jonathan and Johnny told Pinkie that Applebloom sort of understood.

        Pinkie smiled sadly at Trixie's tear-filled smile to the Big Guy and his soft smile back. She heard Cheerilee sigh similarly. I think she's sighing about something else, Pinkie thought, and sighed herself about how she'd nearly lost him as a friend forever. She found herself sniffling, despite being so happy.


        The crack sounding through Luna's bed chamber was loud enough, even the guard at Luna's door reacted. Since no royal pediatrician or midwife existed, the guards had brought two of each from their families. Ponies who knew each other and would work together. The guards were wary, the alicorns excited, and the rest of the palace was in an absolute tizzy over the idea of a royal birth, even if it was a foundling.

        The professionals waited, they knew that foals came at their own time, and that they were ready if needed. Cadence was practically dancing with anticipation as she shifted from hoof to hoof. Celestia managed a more serene exterior, but Luna could tell her sister was even more excited that Cadence.

        Almost as excited as I am, Luna thought, every bit the serene, lunar princess outside, while feeling like a filly on her first rollerskates inside.

        Blankets had been piled up so Luna could more easily watch the horn-egg hatching with having to cover it with her wing to provide warmth.

        Another crack, and the horn split right down the middle. The guards got ready. The midwives and pediatricians also prepared themselves. Cadence let out a little squeal of anticipation. Luna stared at the fissure and waiting, wondered.

        The horn split open and vanished. In it's place was a slate gray foal with white wings and a white horn. The matted mane was several shades of azure. The foal gave a great yawn.

        Then she opened her eyes. The biggest, greenest eyes most of them had ever seen. The foal looked around numbly at all the ponies taking such an interest. But Luna collected her with her wing. The foal looked wearily at Luna, smiled and snuggled against her.

        "I beg both your pardons," the older pediatrician said, and rested her nose against the foal's side. She closed her eyes for a moment, feeling and listening. "She's healthy, and we should take our leave for a bit. Mother and daughter's first suckling should be private.

        "Did you arrange for a wet nurse?" Cadence gasped.

        "Something like that," Luna admitted shyly, as Celestia and the doctors shooed the crowd out of the room.

        "Tia, please stay," Luna said softly, "If you're going to spoil her rotten, you should have some embarrassing anecdotes as well."

        Celestia nodded and approached, while the foal struggled to stand on the soft, uneven bedding. She'd managed to get one or two legs under her, but the third would prove her undoing. The foal finally gave up trying to stand up completely, and just turned around. Luna guided her to what she wanted, and the foal was soon suckling happily.

        Luna looked up at her sister, and shared her tearful happiness.

        "Now you'll have to marry him," Celestia teased as she nuzzled her sister, "After all, I can't see you as a single mother."

        "I keep expecting someone to crash in with some disaster to report," Luna said quietly, then glanced down at the foal who'd stopped suckling, was sitting up, and doing a remarkable impersonation of Winston Churchill. "Are you -?"

        The foal belched up about half the milk she'd guzzled down, all over Luna.

        "That does not qualify," Luna said to her sister as Celestia chuckled into her hoof.

        "I'll get some towels and washcloths," Celestia said, and cantered to the bathroom, from which sound of laughter could be heard.

        "You certainly are the Big Guy's daughter," Luna said. The foal just grinned and burbled happily.


        Pinkie noted happily that while the party was definitely winding down, a good time had been had by all. Trixie still looked at the wagon and gave little sniffles. The Apples and Applebloom seemed to be going over a photo album from the other world, showing how they'd lived their lives. Which was only slightly different from how they'd lived here.

        I wish I'd had a camera when Johnny Cake walked into Cupcake Corners, Pinkie thought. She giggled at the shocked reaction on the Cake's faces, especially when Trixie explained the whole thing. She considered the mare who was again hugging the Big Guy. I can't imagine what it would be like without my friends, she thought quietly as she sat and watched the smiles bloom on both of them. I just wonder who the other surprise party he asked me to help with is for. This one was easy, get a few friends, and some of Trixie's fans, and have a party. But the one he's got me helping with is going to get most of Ponyville. Of course he can't tell me, but I think he wouldn't tell me even if he could, even if he was physically able to. So while he and I have half of Ponyville spun up for this big party, nopony is talking to anypony about it. All business as usual. I almost think he's planning a surprise birthday party for Princess Celestia . . . Pinkie froze in horror. Wait a second! No, Twilight has to know the Princess' birthday. But what if she doesn't? What if nopony ever gave Celestia a birthday party?

        Pinkie burst into tears at the thought. Then stopped. "If she wanted a birthday party, she'd say something, silly filly," she chided herself and shook off the frost.

        She cantered over to Trixie and the Big Guy. The Big Guy had pulled out a large map of Equestria and a calendar. From his gestures, he seemed to be trying to get Trixie to plot out her itinerary. All he was managing to do is get her more teary-eyed and sniffly.

        "Hello, Pinkie," Trixie said, then blew her nose on the cloth he offered her, "Thank you for the party, it was wonderful."

        "If it was so wonderful, why are you still all weepy-seepy?" Pinkie asked, she knew the answer but wanted Trixie to think about it.

        "Because no one's ever done this for me before," she tearfully admitted. "And now, I'm going away."

        "But you'll come back," Pinkie said cheerfully, "And you can tell them all your stories about the crowds and the excitement!"

        Pinkie didn't understand why Trixie again burst into tears and fiercely hugged the Big Guy. She nuzzled the tearful mare and let her cry herself out. Pinkie smiled at the Big Guy and shook her head at Trixie's outburst. He just shrugged and kept scratching Trixie behind the ears.


        Teal eyes stared into brilliant green. Even when Luna moved her head the foal's eyes tracked. Luna got nose to nose with the foal and nuzzled her gently, and while the foal giggled, she still stared intently with absolute fascination at Luna. Luna grinned and moved her head slightly. The foal, her foal, craned her neck to keep staring. Luna moved again, and her foal stood on two legs to keep staring. Luna moved again. Although wobbly, the foal stood on four legs. She then took a wobbly step forward, and fell onto the blankets.

        Her foal frowned and clambered up on four legs again, and seemed to regard her wobbly condition with a mix of betrayal and determination. Once stable, she took another step, and froze as the legs got wobbly again. She surveyed them, and once satisfied, took another step. This was satisfactorily unwobbly, so she took a third, then checked. The fourth and those that followed while unsteady seemed to satisfy her.

        Luna bowed her head, thinking it would force her foal to sit. Instead, the foal continued up to the side of Luna's head and flicked one of Luna's ears with her nose. Luna flicked it in response. The foal giggled. Luna flicked her ears this way and that, and soon had the little pony lying on the bedding in hysterics.

        "We need a name for you," Luna said and the still giggling foal tried to stand. Luna flicked her ears and the foal collapsed in delighted laughter again.

        "How about Pumpkin Dreamer?" Cadence asked as she entered Luna's bedchamber. She lowered her head so the foal could see her, and flicked her ears. She was surprised when the foal just stared at her.

        "It's the color change," Shining Armor said as he entered, "Watch." He let a bit of his mane cascade in front of his face. The little foal giggled happily. "Twilie used to get fascinated by the window shades and the buzz they made when the wind moved through them."

        "So Twilight's first words were buzz?" Luna asked.

        "No," Armor said as he blushed, "She started talking late, and her first word was one my father used when he hit his hoof with a hammer."

        The two princesses giggled at that.

        "It wasn't like that," Armor insisted. "My father never swore, but the mismatch of sounds and sort of words was exactly the sort of puzzle that appealed to Twilie. And she'd try to sound like dad. Which could get very confusing in a crowded place when she'd happily bellow that out at the top of her lungs."

        Cadence and Luna laughed at the image of little Twilight belting out something like that. Shining fluttered his mane again, having the little one add to the giggles.

        "I like the dreamer part," Luna said, "And I get the pumpkin/moon reference, but they don't go together, unless I want her to challenge the Apple Family as produce mavens."

        "You could ask the Big Guy, from what I understand, Celly and Woona are literate in Equestrian, although they pronounce it in a completely different way," Armor suggested, and cascaded his mane agin, setting the foal into giggles again.

        "Yes, invite him to Canterlot. For an official naming ceremony. Let everyone get a look at her," Cadence said.

        " 'Everyone'?" Luna asked worriedly and glanced at the giggling foal, "The nobles too? I can imagine what they'll say about another Alicorn. Especially one with so interesting a pedigree." When the foal seemed to sense her mother's mood, Luna flicked her ears and set her foal giggling.

        "Better sooner than later," Cadence said, "And then that'll give the nobles something concrete rather than nebulous to focus on."

        "Yes, my child," Luna said sadly.

        "You could move her in with her dad," Armor suggested.

        Luna sniffed, and grimaced. "Yes, let him change diapers for a while."

        Cadence and Armor chuckled.

        "You'll be going through this soon enough," Luna warned and carried the foal to the changing table. Cadence and Shining glanced at each other and grimaced.


        Trixie had been packed off to bed, still randomly hugging the ponies who'd helped rebuild her wagon. The Big Guy was putting the last dishes in the washing machine. Something's wrong, Celly thought as she watched him from the dining room.

        "Are you all right?" she asked as she entered the kitchen, keeping her voice low so as not to attract attention.

        Did I do this? Celly worried, He seems so invulnerable about most things, then something trivial send him into a tailspin. Maybe I should have eased into it.

        "You seem to be delaying going to bed as long as possible." She fluttered towards him, as Rainbow Dash or Fluttershy would have. "All this could have waited until tomorrow."

        Frankly Trixie wants a one, last, long snuggle before she leaves, she didn't say.

        "Yes, I guess I don't like having guessed so wrong about you ponies. I know people pretty well. As I kid I spent seven summers around horses. But I completely missed it. What else am I missing?"

        Celly was about to answer, then decided to answer the deeper question, "Derpy isn't about to attack you in your sleep. None of us are. What she wants more than anything, is a father to her foal or foals. The stallion who impregnated her thought it was a joke, and none of the others in town put up with her." She approached the Big Guy and smiled at him. "You defended and rescued Dinky right out of the box, had no problem looking after her again. Help her with her math, make sure she'd got lunch in the morning and play with her as a good father would. Having more foals is a plus, but that's negotiable. Derpy loves you for the father you've been to Dinky. Being her husband and father of more foals is something she wants, but on terms both of you can accept." She closed on him, close enough to touch him, but not touching him.

        I think I did overdo it, she thought as she settled on the countertop so she could look him in the eyes.

        "Trixie wants a home, people who'll miss her when she's gone, and welcome her back." She nuzzled him gently.

        Or, are you afraid of something else? she wondered.

        "Sveti has her job, Lyra is like Twilight, and Twilight wants to learn absolutely everything you know," she said as she leaned closer, "They only disagree on what's first and how to get it."

        Careful! she warned herself as she moved back after edging towards him, Too many teenage hormones and too much 'desire to comfort'. Damn nubile drives only care 'when we gettin' down to begettin?" which doesn't help my thinking one little bit.

        "And Celly wants . . . ?" he asked.

        "What?!" Celly gasped and shied back, nearly tumbling off the counter as she realized she'd missed the first, and possibly the second time he asked because she was ogling his face when he'd asked. "What do you mean?" she asked as he carefully stroked her ears. She nearly purred at the sensual joy of the touch.

        "Celly doesn't have to flip up her tail and take whatever comes to have a home with people who care for her," he said quietly and kissed her on the nose.

        She shivered and tried to think of anything to say in response. She felt herself blushing, then a chill in her guts as she worried if he was 'letting her down easy' and rejecting her. Then she'd discard that thought as she realized he'd said 'have to'. Gah, quit it! I'm getting as bad as Twilight! she thought hastily, trying to master her raging thoughts and emotions.

        "I'm a bit long in the tooth for that kind of exchange. I also don't understand why. I have to be kind of goofy looking to a pony. As for my preferences, I'd rather have some who'll help put away the dishes, help clean the house, and be there to drag me away from the cliff's edge by the scruff of the neck, or catch me if I have to jump off. If you want to stay, then stay. If you want to go, then go. But going or staying only requires going or staying, you don't have to give up more than you have to."

        Celly found herself tearing up. Feeling on steadier emotional ground, she approached again. "But if I want, more?" she asked quietly, "You asked what does Celly want." She grinned. "Celly would like to toss you on to the kitchen floor and start making baby alicorns." She chuckled at that, then sobered. "Celestia, would like someone who doesn't treat her as a cherished ornament, brought out when you need something festive, and put away under wraps the rest of the time, when simpler joys are in the offing. Maybe Celly, maybe I don't mind flipping up my tail to the right male. And you aren't 'goofy', you're curious and intriguing. Besides, how did creatures who look like ponies, suddenly decide I was the ruler, heh, of how appearance would be judged. I should be creepy."

        She nuzzled him. "Maybe one who's first reaction to me and my corrupted sister was not to run in fear, or 'know' that I'd work it out, but to think how to save both of us." She let her tears fall. "I hate being alone. I hate being the one everyone depends on to fix everything." She looked up at him, his faint smile and the gentle stroking of her mane and ears relaxing and reassuring her. "I want to stay. I want to stay with you. I may just jump off the cliff with you. I can fly after all." She leaned close, resting her nose on his and whispered huskily, "And you know what ponies say? Once he's on your back, with his hind feet in the air, you have him." Without moving her head, she licked the lobes of his ears. And giggled at his stunned expression. "When I was with you, your chest against my back, and you holding me tight. I had the most naughty dreams. I loved it." She licked his nose as she sat back.

        "Then that's separate from room and board," he managed, nearly beet red at the implications.

        She stroked his face with her wing. "But what are you afraid of? We won't do anything until you're ready," she assured him, "But you're still afraid. Of what?"

        He grinned sheepishly. "Well, you ponies pay more attention this way." Then sang.

"I've lived over half my life, and she's only just nineteen.
Will she wake up one day and find that she's really changed her mind, and she's not in love with me?"
"Does she love the man I am? Is it her Father that she sees?
She has time to be unsure, for her there's time to find a cure. But not for me."

        Celly leaned against him and enfolded him in a wing hug.

"So, before she breaks my heart I must say 'go'.
Before she breaks my heart I must say 'no'".
"She can't stay (She can't stay). I must make her go away.
However hard she cries, if I have to tell her lies, before she breaks my heart."

        She snuffled and rubbed her cheek against his neck.

"As I stand alone, I vow that today will be the day.
That I'll find the strength somehow, to end it here and now: to tell her she can't stay."

        He pulled back from her, and rested his nose against hers.

"Then she'll walk into the room, and her arms will open wide.
It's not a little girl I see, but a woman, warm and free who wants me by her side."
"But before she breaks my heart I must say 'go'.
Before she breaks my heart I must say 'no'."

        She smiled but felt like crying.

"She can't stay (She can't stay). I must make her go away.
However hard she cries, if I have to tell her lies before she breaks my heart.
Before she breaks my heart."


        "I don't think you're my father. He'd be horrified by you. Too soft, and too hard," Celly explained between little sniffles. "I know the difference between a love-mate and a help-mate, and I want to be both. I want to be your both."

        He enfolded her in a hug and she wrapped her forelegs around her neck and her wings around his back. Celly found herself crying again.


        BANG!

        She woke suddenly from the dream and looked around. Nowhere around her were the bloody rags of her mother's remains. Her disguise as a simple rock on the property hadn't been breeched. She glanced up at the kitchen window and damned her foolishness. Falling asleep like that, she cursed herself, Where anypony could find me. When she moved, to her horror, she realized the source of her nightmare.

        She felt bloated and distended, as her mother's fate in her dream had become her's in truth. But she was making love to him as Celly, and he was under her spell, she thought as she moved gingerly to avoid the discomfort, This shouldn't be happening. He and Celly are making eyes at each other, I shouldn't be picking up the 'excess'. She shuddered at her remembrance of the dream, of her mother realizing too late her condition, or the strength of the Big Guy's feelings towards Celly, when her mother had swelled suddenly, uncontrollably in reaction, and then violently burst. This can't be happening, she told herself, Only . . .

        The thought left her cold. In the space a perhaps a minute she'd realized there were two new and unconsidered ways her mother could be destroyed. First, she could get everything she thought she wanted, too fast for her to handle. Second, her own daughter could replace her.

        No, no, no! I love my mother, I don't want her hurt, I don't want to replace her and I don't want to fail her! she wanted to scream in anguish from the physical and emotional pain lancing into her. Instead, she waited for Celly and the Big Guy to go elsewhere so she could slip away. The feeling of bloating grew slowly worse, but she knew there'd be no explosion, save when her mother learned what she could do.


        "I can't imagine the ponies not thinking you're at least, 'curious and intriguing'. Even as a biped I think you're very pretty, even beautiful," he said a they walked across the living room, headed to the bedroom.

        She grinned and leaned her head against him. He stroked her mane, and she chuckled.

        "Care to share?" he asked.

        "All the old stories about a filly and her dog," Celly said, "Woof, I am about the right size for a good-sized human dog."

        "Yes, maybe a greyhound," he mused. They chuckled together at that.

        They walked side by side to the bedroom. Both of them smiling shyly at each other. Then Celly and the Big Guy noted the collection of grinning, sniffly ponies and a griffon waiting for them at the entrance.

        Celly felt a brief stab of panic.

        "You can see into the kitchen from the bedroom glass door. One of the reasons I bought this place," he explained, "And Woona can read lips. She might not be able to speak it, but the written language is similar she could have subtitled it."

        Woona stared in amazement. "When you get something wrong, you don't go half way. But that's still brilliant," Woona said in amazement, "We were watching the hugging and the kissing." She sniffled, and that seemed the signal for a standing pony pile as they surrounded the pair and all started happily crying.

        After several minutes, they seemed willing and even eager to escort the pair to the bed. The Apples slipped away to sleep together in the living room as they had before.

        Celly was abruptly thunderstruck as she realized Blueblood had been among the crowd of tearfully celebrating ponies before he headed to the guest room. I wonder if Discord had some effect on him, she thought as they settled on the bed. She glanced at Derpy, raised an eyebrow and mimed biting. The mare blushed furiously, then smiled and nodded. Celly nodded and laughed at the thought of how he'd react when he found out. I may hurt myself when he reverses it and bites say Trixie, or better yet, Luna, Celly thought and struggled not to burst out laughing.


        He knew from the hidden giggles as he came out of the bathroom after his shower, he was in for something. Come on, he reminded himself, None of them has really tried to hurt you. And the primary offender in that regard in ponydom has only hurt you at second-hand.

        The instant he sat on the bed, Derpy sat in front of him, and Celly behind. He forced back instincts which recent events had awakened, and sat very still. He looked around and the others were looking on with expectation, except for Luna and Bonbon who were, with varying degrees of disgust at their fellow ponies, gesturing at him to be calm. The raised, waving hooves and nervous smiles from the pair told him that they at least thought he was safe, until he reacted. Then they're worried no one might be, he realized.

        The two mares sandwiching him seemed to be trying to nuzzle his neck in tandem. Bonbon looked ready to chew her hooves, while Lyra and Trixie looked bedazzled. Even Sveti looked expectant, although Luna looked ready to jump out of her skin.

        Great no consensus over whether this is good or bad, just very watchable, he thought as steeled himself.

        Then they bit him, together, on the trapezius muscles. Not enough to break his skin, bruise him or draw blood, but definitely hard enough he could feel the shape of their teeth. That they both immediately pulled back and lapsed into nervous giggling told him they weren't sure how he'd react. He looked around, and expectant looks still greeted him. Although both Luna and Bonbon were innocently scratching the backs of their necks the exact same way and the exact same place.

        As Derpy nervously returned from checking on Dinky, he slipped an arm around her barrel, and nibbled her spine where her neck met her back.

        To his amazement, her wings knifed out like switchblades, and Derpy froze. If those had been more than feathers, she would have cut me in half, he thought worriedly as most of the ponies stared, and made soft, nervous sounds. Although Celly's eyes were so wide and her ears stood up so straight she might have been hanging from the ceiling by them.

        Only Bonbon reacted differently. He could tell hearty laughter when he heard it.

        I'm glad I finally made sour-puss laugh, but what's going on. Okay, I trusted them, they'll have to trust me, he thought.

        Bonbon passed the near-catatonic Lyra and Trixie, and collected the equally awestruck Dinky. She said something jocular to Derpy that made the mare's shivers even worse. Then she tapped her on the head and said something sharp while waving a hoof at him. Bonbon glanced at him, gave him a sad smile and sighed. He nodded and shrugged. Bonbon headed for the door with Dinky.

        The last sane ones, and we can't talk to each other, he thought, then turned to face Celly, who was looking a bit too eagerly enthusiastic.

        "You're too young just yet," he told her.

        Her wings drooped, along with her ears, and she poured all the sadness of the universe into one soulful, puppy-dog-eyed gaze at him. She was even biting her lip.

        "Now you're definitely too young," he replied.

        At that point, Luna made a noise like a chainsaw almost starting. She tried to stifle her laughter and ran after Bonbon and Dinky.

        Hell with it, he thought and brushed Derpy's mane aside and began nibbling her spine down her neck and across her back. Derpy made frantic, little whining sounds, and her wings stretched out farther and farther. Her whole body trembled but she made no effort to run away or call from help from the others.


        Idiots! Bonbon wanted to shout back at them as Woona scampered up to them, nearly in hysterics from stifling her own giggles.

        "It isn't that funny," Bonbon whispered sharply as she nosed open the door to the room Blueblood had claimed.

        The stallion raised his head from his mattress on the floor at the intrusion.

        "I think it's better if the little ones bunk here tonight, your Highness," she added the last in a deferential tone. She nodded to the two fillies walked slightly in front of her.

        "Is that what you meant when you told momma 'you wanted a stallion, not you've got a real one'?" Dinky looked up and asked. Bonbon froze at the innocent sounding question.

        "Undoubtedly," Blueblood said after a brief shudder. His horn glowed and he pulled the mattress off the trundle bed under the daybed. He put the trundle itself atop the daybed. He'd already pulled the mattress and bedding off the daybed and had it arranged on the floor. He began moving his bedding under the daybed.

        "I'd rather have the 'cave', if it's all the same to you," Bonbon said, ignoring the giggles from the two fillies.

        Blueblood raised an elegant eyebrow, but settled the trundle's mattress and bedding in the hollow beneath the daybed where the trundle normally rested. "Are you going to answer her question?" Blueblood asked in a supercilious tone.

        "Do you want to explain two mares biting a stallion where the neck meets the back, then the stallion biting the mare back?" Bonbon asked acidly, "To them?" She raised a caustic eyebrow.

        Blueblood settled in and explained, "If they bit him at the same time, they were agreeing to share his, attentions, and to vet, or sort, any other mare who got close. It's a very old, almost instinctive custom, and if he doesn't react, it sends a clear signal that he accepts them as his mares. His biting them? Her? You said 'mare'."

        "Dinky's mom, Derpy, and Celly bit him, he bit Derpy back. Rather elaborately," Bonbon said.

        Woona's wings snapped out.

        "Poof! Momma went like that," Dinky said and giggled delightedly, then she frowned, "Then Bonbon yelled at momma that she wanted a stallion, and now she had a real one."

        "Your Highness?" Bonbon asked.

        The prince glared at her. "Young lady, there are some mommies and daddies who would sit together during the Sisterhood Social shouting encouragement to their daughters with all the gusto they could manage. Those same mommies and daddies, do not exchange cards on Hearts and Hooves Day."

        "But, then why are they still together?" Dinky asked.

        "Because they still love their foals with all their hearts," the prince said, sounding almost wistful, "The Big Guy and Derpy care for you very much. They are trying, slowly, cautiously to move from shouting encouragements to you, to feeling like they can exchange Hearts and Hooves Day cards, without being hurt," he replied as he laid his head down. "They've both been hurt very badly."

        "How?" Dinky asked.

        "Your mother was abandoned by the stallion who sired you, and the Big Guy, this house was designed for a family, not one stallion with a collection of books and memories. He probably loved his wife and children very much, but they've all moved on. That hurts, and now they have to avoid the hurts and try to come together. That's something they don't want you to watch, because if it doesn't work, they still want to love you for yourself. Before you ask whether peeking will harm things, just stay here, and you won't have to worry. It's a delicate time for them, love them both, but let them have a little time without you. They don't love you less because they need time with other adults."

        "That makes no sense," Dinky complained.

        "Is your momma loveable?" Blueblood asked.

        "Yes," Dinky insisted, "She's the most loveable pony there is!"

        "Then let him have time to discover that. It hurts when you lose someone you love, it frightens you when you start feeling the same to another. 'Am I going to lose them too?' 'How will I live through that kind of pain?' When the Diamond Dogs broke your leg, imagine feeling just like that when you see a picture of someone, or remember them, or hear a song they liked, or a scene they loved. You'd try to avoid that, wouldn't you?"

        "I guess. I didn't like getting hurt," Dinky admitted.

        "But if you had to break your own leg to save your momma's life? Would you do it, despite how much it hurt?" Blueblood asked.

        "Of course!" The filly stomped a hoof.

        "But would you do it if all she had was a splinter?" Blueblood asked.

        "How are those related?" Dinky asked.

        "They have to find out how far they have to go, are they willing to break their leg for the other person, or just stay friends."

        Dinky still looked confused.

        "Dinky," Bonbon began, "Is he a giant pony, or is he something else?"

        "He's something else," Dinky giggled, "Who'd think he was a giant pony?"

        "But a lot of people are treating him as a giant pony," Bonbon answered, "And that's the other problem. You saw how scared he was about getting bit, but among ponies it's not a big deal. They need some privacy."

        Dinky shook her head. "I'm getting all spinny," she admitted.

        "So let them get spinny, and unspinny," Blueblood told her, "And you get some sleep." His horn glowed and the bedding covered the filly.

        Woona and Bonbon continued to stare at the prince.

        "What?" he asked softly.

        "You don't match up with what Rarity said about you," Bonbon said, "Or what the papers say about you."

        "Upsetting the daughter of the man who is letting me stay for a little artisan work, is not healthy," Blueblood said dismissively, "Your problem is you want the big, bad Ponyville Monster to chase you, but you haven't figured out what he should do when he catches you."

        "What?!" Bonbon hissed through clenched teeth, "Just because I don't have a stallion of my own, you think I have to have the one my friend wants?"

        "No, I think you are the only one who's paying attention to his real needs, and how dangerous not meeting them is. You also like the danger, which you also realize is safety. I was at the Edge of Everfree battle. You aren't the first mare, or stallion, who wondered what getting chased by him would be like. I won't go into the speculation of the penalty for getting caught was. Some of the mares were positively lurid in their, ah fabrications. Vital fluids red and white, as well as afflictions and the hunt itself. It was quite an education, but then the 'saddle-rippers' are quite popular. Cruel Eyes with a hideous reputation, and our mare rejected by ordinary stallions because she is smart and plain tames him, by proving her worth or not breaking when he challenges, or understands that his love is the chase. Tell me that isn't the gentleman just a few doors down, and tell me that you aren't as intrigued as everyone else who's drifted into his orbit."

        "What about you?" Bonbon accused.

        "That's a story for another night," Blueblood said as he returned to sleep.

        Bonbon glanced over and Woona was fast asleep. Rubbish, she thought, I don't want to be chased by him. I want to be chased and caught by Lyra. She grinned at that. But Lyra near took the hint. Maybe, she smirked, It would be fun, let him boil off a little hunting energy. And Lyra would be home when I got back. She grinned at that.


        Derpy kept her head down with her legs folded tightly beneath her, she could only feel her overextended wings through the numbness because they were beginning to hurt. I don't think I'll be flying much tomorrow, she thought, trying to stave off the paralyzing fear and excitement. He was lying diagonally across her back. He's not straddling my hips, and I pray to all good spirits that he doesn't know what the wings out means, she thought helplessly as she suppressed another round of shivers. His slow steady breathing and arms around her neck didn't help either.

        It's almost as bad as when he tried to massage my wing muscles, she thought, Like it was a charlie horse or something. She stifled a sigh at the idea that this alien creature thought more of her than most ponies did. Despite all we agreed on, I'm ready now, she thought with a bit of frustration, But we agreed, and we both need clearer heads. If he doesn't know how ponies work, and I don't think I know how his people work, we could hurt ourselves or worse, each other. I don't want that. Not when we've come so close.

        The others had closed in around her, making 'escape' impossible and giving her a warm comfort that she eagerly welcomed. With just the nagging suspicion she was going to be teased about him falling asleep before she finished.


Day 31

        Trixie was up early, she hated doing what she was doing. But the Great and Powerful Trixie needs to be on the road, she thought. She glanced over at the volunteer who was helping her in the garage break down her wagon so it would fit through the front door.

        "The life on the road isn't all glamor," she reminded Blueblood, "And it'll take more than a little paint and dye to disguise you," she told the pale gray stallion with the emerald green mane and tail.

        "There's also accent and attitude," he replied in a thick Vanhoover tone and took an appropriately submissive stance.

        Trixie blinked and struggled to reconcile the figure before her with the arrogant royal-white unicorn she'd briefly known. She almost couldn't.

        "As for being on the road, you don't know how hard I have tried to get out from under my mother's thumb. Being banished and 'disappearing' for a while is more welcome than you can imagine. And I'm not as dumb or clueless as most ponies paint me. I went through the lecture portion of several military specialties, because after all I was too delicate to endure any real hardship. This is just another role to play. I've had great experience playing the doofus, half-wit. Practically my entire career."

        Trixie laughed at that. Then the Big Guy walked in with a wheeled dolly and several large pads. He pulled a set of straps out of the truck.

        "Oh dear, are you up on escapes?" Blueblood asked.

        The Big Guy stared at the two madly giggling ponies. Trixie waved it off. She gestured to the straps and snaked one around herself and gave him a doe-eyed stare. Before releasing the straps and lapsing into giggles again. He smiled, then grew serious as he knelt down. He gathered Trixie into a firm hug and spoke with great solemnity.

        Sounds almost like a royal blessing, she thought as she rested against him, trying to drink in his scent and warmth. She looked at his smile as she drew back, he scratched behind her ears and then stood to help carry the wagon sections outside to the rest of the household.

        She followed with a growing feeling of melancholy.

        "You can't do both," Blueblood said, "Unless you learn to teleport home after every performance."

        "I can want to, can't I?" she replied.

        "Is not Igor's place to say," he replied in a Stalliongrad accent.

        "Why do I think you could do this better than I can?" she asked.

        "Because I've been doing it my whole life," he replied with a trace of bitterness.


        She'd waited until the two guards outside the recently discovered 'Vault of Nistag' had gotten off duty, before she approached them. She walked behind them through the caverns below Canterlot. She still felt like her body was three sizes too small for what she carried in it. Which made no sense what-so-ever.

        They deigned to notice her, the failure who continued to disappoint. Then her horn glowed, and both of them shuddered at what they were feeling. The small guardpony approached the two, much larger guards and stood straight.

        "That's impossible," the older and much larger one said, likely the one who would dispatch her when she wore out her mother's patience. But he looked more awake, than he had.

        The other, quieter one seemed equally suspicious about what had just happened. She held her tongue, letting her elder speak.

        "How did you manage this?" the elder asked.

        "I had him under surveillance, as ordered, when," she squirmed uncomfortably. The sensation of distention was completely gone. But the implications disquieted her. "I wasn't in any way receptive. His entire attention was on, on another target. But I still got the back spatter. It doesn't make any sense. Unless everything I've ever learned is wrong, or unless any creature in his vicinity starts working by an entirely different paradigm."

        I hate talking in riddles, but this close to the capital, and especially this close to Nistag's lab, they have to be watching always, she thought and watched them consider, They know the implications of this, and what it means that I can do what I just did.

        The two 'guard' who were probably also her executioners if necessary, exchanged looks. A new opportunity will soon be available," the younger guard said, "Take advantage of it, and determine the truth yourself."

        She nodded and headed away. So, the showmare is leaving, she thought, That complicates and simplifies things. One fewer unicorn who doesn't look at the world like the locals do. But does that mean he'll look harder, or be distracted?


        Trixie had been ready to leave, she just wanted to 'hunt down' Derpy and say good bye. She had not expected the scene in Twilight's library. Poor Derpy, wings extended to the max was tearfully regaling Twilight and Rarity with her problem. Poor kid is oblivious to the death glares from the unicorns, Trixie thought, then glanced at Rainbow Dash whose wide-eyed expression and stretched out wings made it clear her impression of Derpy's tale. I'm glad Lyra and Fluttershy are taking it in stride, although if those two smiled any wider, the tops of their heads would fall off.

        "Then he massaged the muscles and the wing root," Derpy said frantically, "And it really, really worked on that wing, and it felt so good, but it made the other wing so much worse."

        "How terrible for you, darling," Rarity ground out.

        "Thank you, Rarity," Derpy replied, completely missing the sarcasm. "Please Twilight, you have to help me. I've tried to relax, but," Derpy said wistfully and stared off into space, "I just remember." She gestured to her wings. "And this happens," she cried, "Do you know what that's like? Do you know how embarrassing it is to go everywhere advertising well, that somepony makes you feel like that?"

        "I can honestly say, I don't," Twilight managed, her ears down her head held at shoulder-height.

        She looks like she's ready to either spear Derpy through the chest with her horn, drive her head straight through the wall, or both in either order, Trixie thought, Well, Trixie to the rescue.

        "Derpy, you might just tell Twilight what you want, rather than telling the story about how wonderful it is to feel his fingers on your wings, the gentle nibbling of his teeth on your neck. Or how absolutely magnificent the way those fingers just make tensions melt away," she said and sighed happily. Derpy also sighed. Twilight practically growled.

        I practically heard Rainbow's wings that time, Trixie thought.

        "Erase Memory spell, sure, I can do that," Twilight suggested, "Anything to help a friend."

        "You seem so tense," Trixie said, "Maybe Derpy can ask him to help you."

        Twilight glared at Trixie. "It seems to me that -"

        Derpy's sudden squeal of glee interrupted everyone. Where the wall-eyed mare had stood, a figure not unlike the Big Guy crouched on the floor of the library. Trixie instantly recognized it as a female human. Except this one appears to have functional wings, Trixie thought as the transformed Derpy extended on wing and flapped, then the other. The bluish-gray skinned, light-green maned figure instantly hugged Twilight and scratched her behind the ears.

        "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" she squealed happily, then flew for the door. She stopped and hovered beside Fluttershy, "Uh, ah, can you, ah, you know, in case I, ah," Derpy stammered, becoming a attractive shade of purple and poking a pair of her fingers against each other.

        "Of course I'll be your tender," Fluttershy said and hugged Derpy as the humanized pegasus hugged her back. Both rushed out the door and into the sky. Rainbow tried to follow, but her extended wings kept her from going through the door.

        "Aw! It's not fair," Rainbow decried her fate.

        Trixie suddenly noted that Rarity and Twilight had blocked her way out, and were practically crowding her into a corner. Their smiles did not bode well for the Great and Powerful Trixie.

        "So, has he been neglecting you?" Rarity said, simply oozing sympathy, "No nibbling at the base of your horn, until the sparks fly."

        "Uh," Trixie stammered and backed away, only to encounter the corner. "Our relationship isn't like that."

        "So no fingers easing away your tensions," Twilight cooed, "No warm, solid weight across your back as you rest. Poor Trixie."

        "Now she's leaving and all the other mares in town will have heard," Rarity said, as Trixie raised up to back away, "There'll be quite a line when Trixie gets back."

        "Trixie will survive," Trixie replied, but saw the predatory expressions on the pairs' faces as they closed in. And Lyra was too busy laughing to help.

        "It must have been terrible for you," Rarity said, "Being neglected that way. Watching other ponies treated so royally, and your needs unfulfilled." Rarity brushed up against Trixie and breathed on her ear.

        "Trixie wasn't," Trixie retorted.

        Twilight breathed on Trixie's other ear. "And those fingers and the hands, they can be any shape, seem to be any size. Slipping in tiny, then expanding, to touch you in ways and places a stallion never could."

        "AUGH!" Trixie shouted as she vaulted over them and ran from the library, chased by the laughter of the three unicorns. She paused outside as she recognized a fourth snigger added to the cacophony.

        Woona, Trixie thought, That explains everything.

        "Can somepony help me!?" Rainbow Dash shouted out the door. Spike splashed her with a bucket of ice-water. "Thanks," the bedraggled pegasus said.

        Trixie headed for her wagon and the sanity of the open road.

Before She Breaks My Heart - Roger Whitaker