Welcome to Fillydelphia
Luna woke from a short and blissfully dreamless sleep to miles of Equestrian countryside blurring past her window. In the distance, she could see Canterlot shrinking further and further away as the train bore her down the tracks towards Fillydelphia and away from the world she knew and loved.
Despite Princess Twilight’s insistence that her trip to Fillydelphia was merely a vacation, Luna couldn’t help but feel abandoned by her teacher when she needed her the most. Whatever she might have said in her letter, Princess Twilight hadn’t even indulged Luna’s appeals and refused to see her when she showed up at the palace, all but begging her teacher to reconsider her decision. Her pleas fell on deaf ears and the next morning Luna boarded a train for nowhere with everything she owned crammed in a single magically enhanced saddlebag.
Luna rolled over in her seat, grateful that neither Celestia nor Shining Armor were in the car with her. The trip from Canterlot had been stiflingly uncomfortable as Celestia's awkward attempts to make conversation were shot down by Shining Armor's cold silence and thinly veiled jabs at Luna. The young officer made no attempt to hide his displeasure at his latest posting or his resentment towards Luna for getting him banished along with her.
Banished.
The word buzzed around in Luna's head like a stubborn fly, refusing to die no matter how hard she tried to kill it. Worse still, Princess Twilight’s letter did nothing to convince Luna that she had been wrong about Tirek. The only thing that had changed was now she was too far away to do anything about it. She expected that Princess Twilight would have convinced Spike to reassign his City Watch effectively killing any hope they might have had of catching Tirek before he burned half the city down.
For the first time since she was five years old, Luna felt completely useless and at a loss as to what to do next.
“…Luna’s fault that I’m here in the first place!”
Luna perked up as she heard her name dropped. Throwing a brief invisibility charm over herself, she crept over the seats as silently as she could and peeked through a crack in the door. Celestia and Shining Armor stood in the hallway outside the cabin, glaring at each other over trays of snacks from the food cart.
“Keep it down!” Celestia hissed. “Luna barely got any sleep last night and she doesn’t need you waking her up with all your bellyaching!”
“Oh I’m sorry!” Shining Armor said, his voice dripping in false sincerity. “How dreadfully boorish of me to speak while Her Highness is sleeping! Forgive me; I’ll try and breathe softer so I don’t disturb her delicate sleep cycle.”
“You know, you have just been awful ever since we left Canterlot!” Celestia said. “I know this isn’t exactly how you wanted to spend your gala evening but do you really have to be so grumpy?”
“Well sorry for harshing your mellow, Celestia, but I’m just a little bit infuriated that your sister completely destroyed my career and ruined my life!” Shining Armor said. “And I think I have the right to be!”
“Gods you are such a drama queen.” Celestia said. “You get one assignment you don't like and you cry like it's the end of the world! Did you really want to deal with drunk partygoers and rowdy tourists all night?”
“You don’t understand; I was going to be the parade! I was going to march next to Princess Twilight’s float!” Shining Armor moaned. “I had royal party duty all night' do you know what that means?! It means I was going to Princess Pinkamena's Major Millennial Milestone Masquerade! I busted my hump for years to get chosen for this position! I thought all those pre-dawn patrols and midnight shifts were finally paying off!”
“But nooooooo; somepony had to go and play with fireworks!” Shining Armor ranted on. “Now I’m getting shipped off to the boonies while Flash Sentry takes my spot in the parade route! Flash…Freaking…Sentry! We're talking about the guy who only joined the Royal Guard because of his pathetically hopeless puppy crush on Princess Twilight! He’s the one protecting the Princess and marching in the parade while I’m stuck foalsitting a couple of grown mares because one of them couldn’t tell the difference between reality and a fairy tale!”
“Hey, back off!” Celestia hissed, stealing a glance at the door. “It’s not Luna’s fault Princess Twilight decided to send you with us!”
“No, but Luna finally gave her the excuse she needed to ship me off once and for all.” Shining Armor muttered.
“What are you talking about?” Celestia said. “Princess Twilight didn’t send you with us to get rid of you; she sent you because she trusts you! She said you were the most qualified guard for the position!”
“Oh, of course!” Shining Armor cried. “The only earth pony in the Dusk Guard just happens to be the one she “trusts” to send out to East Trixie Nowhere! Yeah, clearly the most “trusted” guard in the division is the one she needed to send out to the quietest town in Equestria to “protect” her student who’s “taking a break from her studies.”
“What’s with that tone of voice?” Celestia demanded. “What are you implying?”
“Don’t play dumb, Celestia.” Shining Armor said. “You know exactly what I mean.”
“Luna is taking a break!” Celestia hissed. “This is just a little vacation for her to clear her head before she goes back to her studies!”
“You don’t honestly believe that, do you?” Shining Armor scoffed. “Do you honestly believe that Princess Twilight is going to take Luna back as her student after everything that’s happened? Do you really think that she’s rewarding Luna for causing a city wide panic and thousands of bits of property damage?”
“It…it doesn’t matter if I believe it or not!” Celestia said after an uncomfortably long silence. “Luna believes it and she doesn’t need you telling her otherwise right now! She’s upset enough as it is without you dumping on any more guilt.”
“Oh, I’m sure she’s just devastated that her little stunt all but cost me my job.” Shining Armor said. “I think Luna’s only disappointed that Princess Twilight isn’t giving her special magic lessons anymore!”
“That’s not…” Celestia stopped herself, sighing through her nose. “Look, I get that you’re disappointed, I really do. I suppose I’d be as surly as you are if I thought I was getting shipped away from life as I knew it because of somepony else’s mistake....but picking on Luna isn’t going to make anypony feel better!”
“I...I know." Shining Armor sighed and trailed off helplessly. "But it just-"
“It sucks, I know.” Celestia said. “But this isn’t Luna’s fault and acting like it is doesn’t do anyone any good.”
“I know she didn’t do this on purpose.” Shining Armor said. “But is it too much to ask for an apology? I’d still be on parade duty if she had just stayed home yesterday but she’s moping around like she’s the only one who got a raw deal! Is it too much ask her to take responsibility for her actions?”
“No…but Luna’s never been good at that.” Celestia said. “I’ll see that she makes this up to you as soon as possible because I really need you two to have each other's backs out here. You're both going through a really rough time and you need to be friends especially if...especially if Luna is out here longer than she thinks she will be.”
“I guess.” Shining armor admitted glumly. "So long as I'm out here, I might as well try and make the best of things."
“I’m sure this isn’t as bad as you’re making it out to be.” Celestia said. “But if Princess Twilight is trying to get rid of you then she is the stupidest old nag in existence and completely undeserving of your devotion.”
“I deserved to march in that parade.” Shining Armor muttered. “I worked harder than anypony else to get picked for it.”
“I know you did.” Celestia said. “And I was a princess, I'd make you the captain of my guard in a heartbead. But look at it this way; you’re basically getting paid to take a vacation! Flash Sentry and every other guard in the city are going to spend the next twenty four hours stressed out and overworked while you have the honor of partying with the queen of college debauchery.”
“Careful; Princess Pinkamena is going to take that as a challenge.” Shining Armor laughed.
“She’s welcome to take me on anytime she wants to.” Celestia said proudly. “Let’s see what kind of party the “Party Princess” can throw on a college student’s budget…there'll be other parades, Shiny.”
“I know...I just thought this was finally my chance to shine.” Shining Armor sighed.
Luna dove back across the seats and threw her jacket over her head as Celestia and Shining Armor came back into the cabin.
“You think she’s still asleep?” Shining Armor whispered.
“Yeah.” Celestia said, craning over her sister’s “unconscious” form. “Let her rest for now; she’s had a rough couple of days and I don’t think it’s going to get any easier for her once we get there.”
Celestia settled back into her seat and Luna tried her hardest to fall asleep again as the train rattled along the track bringing her closer and closer to the last place she wanted to be.
As they stepped off the train platform and into Fillydelphia proper, Luna was immediately stuck with the sensation that she had walked into a bizarre historical theme park complete with sweaty tourists being herded by excessively perky tour guides. Brightly colored pushcarts lined smooth cobbled streets that snaked their way around small parks and trees growing out of the side of the road. Historical buildings and monuments shared walls with coffee shops and cell phone stores. Old-timey ice cream parlors sat on the same block as upscale restaurants, antique shops and ruined statues from Equestria’s past. Fillydelphia was a place where a thousand points of history converged on the present and under different circumstances, Luna might have been thrilled to spend a day exploring such a city.
Today, however, Luna was invested in loathing Fillydelphia and everypony in it with every waking fiber of her being.
“It’s an…interesting city, I’ll say that much.” Shining Armor said, looking around.
“That’s not the word I would have used.” Luna grumbled as a uniformed guide approached them.
“Hi there!” The perky pegasus said. “My name is Chaperon and let me be the first to welcome you to Fillydelphia! Would you be interested in taking a walking tour of Fillydelphia’s rich historical landmarks compliments of the Fillydelphia Chamber of Commerce?”
“Not particularly.” Luna said.
“Luna!” Celestia chided. "Don't be rude!"
“Sorry but I think I’d rather get my horn sawed off with a rusty nail file than go sightseeing right now.” Luna said, pushing past the crestfallen tour guide.
“I’m sorry about her.” Celestia said, apologizing to Chaperon. “My sister seems to have forgotten her manners back in Canterlot. I’m sure the tour is amazing, but we’ve had a long trip and I think we need to find the mayor’s office so we can get our housing situation squared away.”
Chaperon directed them towards a tall building at the end of the square and left Luna’s presence as quickly as she could, latching on to another tour group almost immediately.
“Well congratulations Luna, you’ve officially alienated the first and only person to be nice to us so far.” Celestia said, rubbing her eyes in exasperation. “Would it kill you to fake a smile and pretend to be nice for a few minutes?”
“It might.” Luna called over her shoulder as she set off for the mayor’s office at a brisk pace. “Best not to risk it.”
Celestia and Shining Armor shared a glance and a sigh before trotting after Luna.
The mayor’s office sat nestled between the First Equestrian Parliament Building and the Fillydelphia Grocery Barn. Once inside, Luna’s temper was further aggravated as the secretary in charge of housing forced them to present multiple forms of identification and (to Luna’s disgust) submit to a hair test. By the time the DNA results came back and the three of them had filled out a small book of paperwork each, Luna had taken to fantasizing about ways to creatively burn Fillydelphia to the ground.
“Sorry for all the fuss, folks, but I’m sure you understand why I’m asking so much of you.” The secretary chuckled, sliding three ancient looking keys across the desk. “Mayor Blueblood would have my hide if I gave the keys to Princess Twilight’s house to the wrong people.”
“Excuse me?” Shining Armor said. “Princess Twilight’s house?”
“Yes; I’m sure you’d agree that given the circumstances, a little more precaution is called for.” The secretary said.
“Th-there must be some sort of misunderstanding.” Luna said. “Why would Princess Twilight send us to Fillydelphia only to give us the keys to her house in Canterlot?”
“I’m sorry, I thought she would have explained this you before you came.” The secretary said, straightening her glasses. “Princess Twilight called the mayor's office yesterday and instructed us to put you up in her vacation home here in Fillydelphia."
"Really?" Celestia said, glancing at Luna. "She never mentioned anything about a vacation house."
"Yes, Princess Twilight has been a land owner and part time resident of this city ever since she started tutoring St. Trixie nearly three hundred years ago." They secretary said, dropping her voice to a whisper. "Her Highness values her privacy, as I'm sure you know, so I think she'd appreciate it if you kept this fact to yourselves.”
“I can’t believe this.” Shining Armor said as they left the secretary’s office. “Did Princess Twilight say anything about us staying at her house while we were here?”
“No, shockingly enough Princess Twilight didn’t seem keen on talking to me once she kicked me out of my dorm.” Luna muttered.
“I thought we were going to be slumming it in townhouse or something; nopony said anything about a royal vacation home! I think this trip is finally starting to look up for us!” Shining Armor said, flinging the front door open with a cheery kick of his hoof.
WHUMP
“Ow!” The door collided with something soft with a painful yelp.
“You were saying?” Luna said, gently opening the door to reveal a stylishly dressed pink pegasus clutching her nose and rolling around on the ground.
“Oh crap, I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there!” Shining Armor cried, running to the pegasus’ side. “Are you okay?”
“Ooh...I think so.” The pegasus said, squinting around at the ground. “You wouldn’t happen know what happened to my glasses, would you? I think they fell off when my nose crumpled like a soda can.”
“Again, really, really, really sorry about that.” Shining Armor said, bending down to pick up a pair of lime green spectacles. “Are these them?”
“Thank you, you’re very…very…” The pegasus trailed off as she got her first good look at Shining Armor. “Niiiiiiice.”
“Uh…are you okay?” Shining Armor said, stealing a worried glance at Celestia.
“Oh, very nice.” The pegasus breathed softly, looking Shining Armor up and down. “Very nice indeed.”
“Hey, do you want to see a doctor or something?” Shining Armor said, gently placing the back of his hoof against the pegasus’ forehead. “You’re looking a little red there.”
“No…you’re really fine.” The pegasus said woozily. “I-I mean, I’m fine! Really, I’m fine!”
“You sure about that?” Shining Armor said. “You look you took a pretty mean knock there Miss…miss...”
“This is the part where you tell him your name.” Luna said as the pegasus continued to zone out.
“Huh? Oh right! Names! I've got one of those! Cadence to meet you, I’m Nice.” The pegasus said quickly offering her hoof. “Wait, no, I’m not nice! W-well, I mean I’m nice but I’m not Nice, not as nice as you and not nice like…uh…”
“You wanna start over?” Shining Armor laughed.
“Sure, let’s go with that!” The pegasus said. “I’m Cadence and it’s very nice to meet you.”
“I’m Shining Armor.” Shining Armor said, offering a hoof.
“As in knight in shining armor?” Cadence said.
“Uh, I guess.” Shining Armor said.
“I’ll bet you are.” Cadence muttered.
“Come again?” Shining Armor said.
“S-so you’re town in new, right?” Cadence said, finally letting go of Shining Armor’s hoof. “I mean-”
“Yeah, we’re town in new.” Shining Armor chuckled. “How'd you know?”
"Call it a lucky guess." Cadence said, nodding at the luggage strapped to their backs.
"Good guess." Shining Armor laughed. "The three of us are moving into the old house on Peach Street."
“Nice to meet you!” Celestia said, stepping forward. “I’m Celestia and the grumpy looking mare behind me-”
“Celestia!” Luna hissed.
“-is my sister Luna.” Celestia said. “We’re going to be your new mailmares starting today.”
“And we’re just so happy about it.” Luna said flatly.
“Nice to meet you both.” Cadence said with a smile and little nod of her head. “I knew I hadn’t seen you three around before.”
“Is it that obvious that we’re Canterlot kids?” Shining Armor laughed
“Well the Canterlot University sweatshirt is another give away.” Cadence chuckled, nodding at Shining Armor's clothes. “It's just that I deal with a lot of young ponies in my line of work and I definitely would have remembered seeing you around before.”
“Your line of work?” Shining Armor said. “What kind of work pays to hang out with other ponies all day?”
“The matchmaker kind.” Cadence said, producing a pearly pink business card with a flick of her wing.
“A matchmaker?” Celestia said, suddenly perking up. “You mean you get paid to hook ponies up with each other?”
“Well, it’s a bit more involved than that.” Cadence said. “Our compatibility system is very intensive and there's a lot of paperwork to handle but I really enjoy it. I like to think I’m helping ponies build lasting relationships and possibly connect them with their soul mates.”
“Oh please.” Luna muttered.
“Luna!” Celestia said sharply. “I’m sorry about her, Cadence, my sister is the most rabid anti-romantic you’ll ever meet.”
“I’m not an anti-romantic!” Luna insisted. “I just don’t think it’s possible to find a meaningful relationship by matching question and answer forms…no offense.”
“You know, saying ‘no offense’ doesn’t make it any less offensive.” Celestia hissed.
“No, it’s alright; I completely understand your skepticism Miss Luna.” Cadence said diplomatically, passing Luna a hot pink brochure from her saddlebag. “But I think my results speak for themselves. Of the two hundred and sixty two couples I’ve matched, one hundred and eighty-three have married and fifty-three are still in committed relationships today. Since we opened almost three years ago, Mi Amore Matchmaking Agency has successfully supervised three hundred group dates, fifty-four romantic retreats and nearly one hundred personalized wedding packages."
“Wow that’s…that’s actually impressive.” Luna admitted, idly paging through the brochure.
"I can confidently say that no other dating service produces a higher rate of personal satisfaction, Cadence said. “And I’ve got a binder full of wedding photos if you need more proof than that.”
“No, that’s okay; I believe you.” Luna said, passing the flyer back to Cadence. “I’m...I'm sorry if I was a little rude just now; it’s been kind of a long day.”
“Keep the flyer.” Cadence said. “You’re welcome to swing by anytime for a free consultation and access to our network of young single ponies. I don’t think it would be hard to find somepony you’d like.”
“O-oh, no thanks.” Luna stammered. “I’m actually not going to be here that long so I’m not looking for anything serious.”
“You have anything in the tall dark and handsome variety?” Celestia said. “Preferably somepony that looks like they stepped out of one of her vampire novels.”
“Celestia!” Luna cried, flushing pink.
“I could always bring over the Tall Dark and Handsome Binder if you want to page through it.” Cadence said.
“You actually have one of those?" Luna said. "Wait, no! I'm fine; really I am!"
“Are you sure?” Cadence said. “Because I have a brother I think you might-!”
“I-I’m quite capable of picking out my own stallions, thank you very much!” Luna stammered, looking away.
“Don’t take it personally; she gets this way whenever anypony brings up her love life.” Celestia said. “Or lack thereof I should say.”
“Stop talking!” Luna spluttered and the other three shared a chuckle at her expense.
“Well, if Luna’s not interested, do you think could do me?” Shining Armor chimed in.
“E-excuse me?!” Cadence squeaked. "Y-you want me to do you?"
“Yeah; you think you could set me up with your dating service?” Shining Armor said.
“Oh!” Cadence said. “I’m sorry, I thought you said…well, it doesn’t really matter what I thought you said, of course I can set you up with somepony. Why don’t you give me a call at the number on the card and we can get together for a date sometime?”
“A date?” Shining Armor echoed.
“T-to set you up with a dating profile of course!” Cadence said, tugging on her pink sweater collar nervously. “I-I didn’t mean a date date with me, did you think I meant a date date with me because I totally didn’t mean a date date with me unless you thought I was talking about a date date with me, is that what you’re thinking?"
“Uh…no?” Shining Armor said uncertainly.
“Oh wow is that the time?!” Cadence said, quickly checking her bare wrist. “Wow, I’d love to stay and chat more but I’m totally late for that thing in the place with the people so I’ll let you guys get settled. It was nice meeting you all!”
And before Shining Armor could say anything else, Cadence trotted down the street as quickly as she could.
“She was…nice.” Shining Armor said, turning the card over in his hooves thoughtfully
“If a little odd.” Luna said, watching Cadence trip over a mailbox when she stole a glance over her shoulder.
“Come on.” Celestia said, rolling her shoulders uncomfortably under her saddlebags. “We should probably go find the house before Cadence comes back and asks Shiny to marry her."
“1139…1141…1143…1145!” Celestia looked up from the map at the house at the end of the street. “I think…I think this is it!”
Luna looked up at the house in question and tried her very hardest to hate it with very little success.
“No way…” Shining Armor breathed, shaking his head in disbelief. “No freaking way! Are we really living here?!”
A tall willow tree bent over the front yard and cast a long shadow on the immaculately tailored garden brimming with violets, dragon hearts, and lavender. A cobblestone pathway led past a wrought iron gate, snaking its way through the grass and up a set of steps to the oldest looking house on the block. Purple and white brick and wood stacked itself two stories high in an elegant Old Amareican design. A balcony overlooked the street below and a stain glass window etched with Princess Twilight’s cutie mark made Luna wonder how the simpletons of Fillydelphia failed to realize that this was Princess Twilight's house.
“Luna, come on!”
Luna looked up from the house to see that her sister and Shining Armor were already through the gate and opening the front door. She sighed, shaking her head as she trotted up the path and into the house.
A polished oak staircase rose in front of Luna as she passed through the front door and hung her jacket up on the coat rack to the left. To her right, Shining Armor was already testing out the rather impressive entertainment system in the lounge. The living room was furnished with worn, comfortable looking chairs, purple sofas and polished hardwood furniture. A fireplace was carved into the far left wall next to a strange looking silver pad that Luna had never seen before.
Celestia was already in the kitchen taking stock of their food situation so Luna took it upon herself to investigate upstairs. As she headed up the stairs, pictures of Princess Twilight and her friends beamed down at her from their immaculately polished frames. The pictures got older and older climbed the stairs, beginning with a picture of Spike and Princess Rarity at a boating regatta and ending with a small print of the first portrait the princesses sat for nearly eight hundred years ago.
The stairs ended at a small landing that overlooked the kitchen and dining room below. The stain glass window caught the midday sun and shone down on the landing in a strange purple light. To her right, a hallway lead Luna to a grandmaster bathroom complete with a Jacuzzi tub set in the marble floor and a waterfall shower with tropical plants growing along the faux stone wall.
To the right and left of the bathroom were two fully furnished bedrooms. The room to her left was brightly lit with a small balcony overlooking the backyard garden and walk in closet. The room to her right was decorated in darker colors and contained a fully stocked bookshelf and writing desk. After the briefest moment of hesitation, Luna tossed her bag into the darker room and closed the door behind her.
“How cool is this place?!” Shining Armor squealed, practically bounding out of the bedroom at the other end of the hall. “Does Auntie Twilight know how to live or what?!”
“It’s…it’s not as bad as I thought it would be.” Luna admitted as the pair headed down the stairs and joined Celestia in the kitchen.
“Not as bad as you thought it would be?!” Celestia spluttered. “This place is awesome!”
“We could never afford a place like this in a million years!” Shining Armor said, flopping on the couch with a deep sigh. “We’re literally crashing in a royal vacation house rent free!”
“Thank your aunt for us the next time you see her.” Celestia said, sticking her head in the fridge. “Hey! We got cider!”
“Well I’m glad to know that she’s putting our taxpayer bits to such good use.” Luna sniffed.
“You know, Luna, you could at least pretend to be on vacation.” Shining Armor said catching a bottle of cider Celestia tossed at him. “I know this isn’t exactly where you want to be right now but there’s no harm in having a little fun so long as we’re here, you know?”
“Since when did you get so cheery?” Luna grumbled.
“Since a certain matchmaker decided she wanted to make Shiny her match.” Celestia teased.
“Really?” Shining Armor said. “I didn’t get that impression at all.”
“S-seriously?” Luna said, sharing a brief glance with her sister.
“Yeah, she was just being nice.” Shining Armor shrugged. “Nothing really out of the ordinary.”
"So mares are just really nice to you for no reason and you've never questioned it?" Luna said.
"Yeah, for about as long as I can remember." Shining Armor said. "It's the darnedest thing."
“Uh…Shining, honey, Cadence was pretty clearly making a pass at you.” Celestia said. “You know that right?”
“What?!” Shining Armor laughed. “No way!”
“Yes way.” Celestia said.
“Most definitely way.” Luna added.
"Even Luna picked up on that!" Celestia said.
"Yeah, even I picked up on-hey!" Luna cried.
“She just met me!” Shining Armor said. “She doesn’t even know me! She even offered to set me up with somepony else; what makes you think she wants to go out with me?”
“Oh come on, have you seen yourself lately?” Celestia said incredulously, gesturing vaguely at Shining Armor. “If we hadn’t gone to preschool together I would have locked you down years ago!”
“R-really?” Shining Armor said.
“Oh yeah, I would have hit your flank like the hoof of an angry god.” Celestia said casually. “I would have tapped you so hard that whoever pulled me out of you would have been crowned the next Princess of Equestria. I would have-“
“Oh gods, I can’t hear this right now!” Luna cried, stuffing her hooves in her ears.
“I-I could stand to hear a little more.” Shining Armor admitted.
“As happy as I am that we’re getting to know each other better than I ever wanted to, aren’t you two forgetting something?” Luna asked. “You know, a certain tall dark and horny demon hellbent on destroying all of Equestria and enslaving all of-”
Luna stopped short as the mystery pad in the corner of the room started sparking and glowing with a strange silvery light. Before she could investigate it, two boxes suddenly appeared on the pad with a pair of identical pops.
“Looks like we found out what the pad is for.” Celestia said.
“What the heck is that?” Shining Armor said, creeping towards the boxes hesitantly. As if in answer to his question, a cream colored envelope appeared on top of the largest box with another pop.
“I think this is our job.” Celestia said, examining the letter.
“Our job?” Luna echoed.
“Princess Twilight mentioned she set us working for a courier service, didn’t she?” Celestia said, opening the letter. “I guess they’re putting us to work right away.”
“On a holiday?” Shining Armor said, shaking his head. “That’s just brutal.”
“To Misses Celestia and Luna, 1145 Peach Street, Fillydelphia, Amareica, Equestria.” Celestia read, pausing to take a sip of her cider. “The Central Equestrian Courier Service is pleased to welcome you into our ranks and we hope this is the beginning of a long and fruitful partnership.”
“Thanks a lot; I’m so looking forward to my thrilling future in postal service.” Luna grumbled.
“You will be responsible for delivering parcels that are either too large or too valuable to be trusted with conventional mail services.” Celestia read on, ignoring her sister. “You will receive packages directly via the Transportation Pad we have installed in your living room. You will then deliver the packages in a timely manner to addresses in the greater Fillydelphia Area. Rush orders and emergency deliveries may be required and such instances you will be appropriately compensated for your extra time and effort.”
“On behalf of everypony here at CECS, we welcome you to Fillydelphia and we wish you good luck in your new lives here. Signed, D. Hooves, CECS C.E.O.” Celestia finished, folding the letter in half.
“That was quick.” Shining Armor said, inspecting the transportation pad. “I’m guessing Princess Twilight had this installed so you could just run the delivery service out of the house.”
“That’ll save us a trip to the post office, won’t it Lu-hey!” Celestia cried as she caught Luna trying to sneak upstairs. “Just where do you think you’re going?”
“Well I thought I was going upstairs to try and figure out some way to save us all from becoming Tirek’s slaves but judging from the tone of your voice, there’s something trivial you want me to do down here, isn’t there?” Luna said.
“This is our job, Luna!” Celestia said. “You’re responsible for these packages as much as I am!”
“They’re two measly packages!” Luna groaned rolling her eyes. “Do you really need my help delivering two packages?”
“It’s not that I need your help but I’m not going to do your job for you while you lock yourself in your room and worry yourself into a knot!” Celestia cried. “You need to get out of the house! We’re in a completely different city surrounded by completely different ponies and all you can think about is the end of the world that’s not even happening!”
“Tirek is coming back, Celestia!” Luna said. “I know that he is!”
“Then where is he?!” Celestia demanded, looking around as if she expected to see Tirek hiding behind the couch. “This is the longest day of the thousandth year, isn't it? If he was going to come back, wouldn't he have done it by now?”
“The day isn’t over yet!” Luna said. “There’s still a chance that he might return and-”
“And what if he does?! What are you going to do to stop him?!” Luna silently fumbled around for an answer for several moments to no avail. “Luna, you're going to have to accept that even if you're right-.”
"If?" Luna said incredulously.
"Even if you're right, there's nothing you can do." Celestia said calmly.
“So you want me to just stop worrying about the impending end of Equestrian civilization?” Luna laughed bitterly. “You want me to play tourist like you and Shining Armor and act like nothing is wrong?!”
“I want you to come out with me and do the trivial job you were assigned.” Celestia countered.
The two sisters exchanged challenging glares as Shining Armor looked between them uncomfortably. After a few agonizing moments, Luna broke her glare and started trotting down the stairs.
“Fine.” Luna sighed, realizing it would be easier to just deliver the packages than it would be to try and budge her stubborn mule of a sister.
“That’s the spirit!” Celestia said, suddenly cheerful. “You coming, Shiny?”
“Sorry, girls, I’d love to help you guys out but I’ve already got a job of my own to handle.” Shining Armor said, kicking his hooves up and turning on the TV. “Gotta man the fort and make sure nopony tries to assassinate you or steal your stuff or something. I promised Princess Twilight I'd safeguard the house.”
“Oh now you're the dutiful little soldier boy?” Celestia said, scribbling something on the back of the envelope and dropping it in Shining Armor's lap.“Here, make yourself useful.”
“What’s this?” Shining Armor asked.
“Just a list of essentials we need for the house.” Celestia said, steering Luna towards the door.
“Essentials?” Shining Armor said, inspecting the list. “This is just-”
“Essentials. And if you could pick up that stuff before we get back that would be just super.” Celestia said quickly, slamming the front door behind her
“Essentials?” Luna asked.
“Don’t you worry about him right now.” Celestia said, lifting the packages with her wings and flipping one on Luna’s back. “We’ve got mail to deliver!”
“Okay, let’s see what we have here.” Celestia said, inspecting the packages as they made their way through the town square. “The smaller box is going to a jeweler Downtown called The Crystal Heart and the larger crate is headed for the Fillydelphia Player’s Society in Oldtown. Which one do you want to hit first?”
“Let’s get this bigger package off our backs first.” Luna groaned, shifting her shoulders under the weight of the parcel. “Or should I say my back? Why am I saddled with the bigger package?!”
“Oh quit complaining.” Celestia chided. “What would Princess Twilight say if she saw you moaning like a newborn foal?”
“You know something?” Luna winced as she lifted the package into the air with her magic. “I’m starting to care less and less about what Princess Twilight thinks of me since I sincerely doubt her opinion of me could get any lower.”
“Do you really think Princess Twilight would put you up in her personal guest house and practically pay for you to go on vacation if she hated you?” Celestia said.
“Of course, I’m supposed to be on “vacation.” Luna muttered. “How could I have forgotten?”
“Don’t start with that again.” Celestia said sharply as they turned down a sidestreet towards an old theater at the end of the block. “You are the only person who doesn’t believe Princess Twilight when she said this was just a temporary break.”
“You really believe that?” Luna said quietly.
“O-of course I do!” Celestia said. “Why wouldn’t I-”
“I heard you talking to Shining Armor on the train.” Luna confessed. "The door was cracked and I eavesdropped on you guys in the hallway."
“Oh gods, you heard that?” Celestia sighed. “Look, Luna, Shining Armor was way out of line-”
“No he wasn’t.” Luna said. “He’s right; if I had just minded my own business, he would have gotten to march in the parade like he deserved to.”
“That wasn’t your fault!” Celestia said. “How were you supposed to know that you were going to blow up a bunch of parade floats and Shining Armor was going to get shipped off to Fillydelphia?”
“If it’s not my responsibility, whose is it?” Luna said. “It doesn’t matter if I intended to get Shining Armor exiled with me; I’m still responsible for what happened to him.”
“Shiny’s a big boy; he can handle a little disappointment.” Celestia said. “Although…if the opportunity to do something nice for him arises, I would take advantage of it.”
“I’ll try.” Luna sighed. “It’s the least I can do for losing him his parade duty.”
“He’ll get over it.” Celestia said. “But more to the point, you’re taking this “banishment” thing the completely the wrong way! Has Princess Twilight ever given you reason to distrust her in the past?”
“Well…not exactly.” Luna admitted.
“So why are you doubting her now?” Celestia said.
“I don’t know.” Luna muttered. “Maybe because that if I was in Princess Twilight’s shoes, I wouldn’t want to tutor me anymore either.”
“You’re still beating yourself up over what happened yesterday?” Celestia asked. "Luna, you're never going to be happy here until you learn to let this go."
"Easy for you to say; you've never screwed up as much as I have." Luna mumbled.
"Of course I have!" Celestia said. "Gods, Luna, I'm not perfect! Just because I haven't had an accident with pyrotechnics doesn't mean I don't make mistakes! I just...look, you know clouds, right?"
"Clouds?" Luna said.
"The big puffy rain machines!" Celestia explained.
"Yes, Celestia, I know what clouds are." Luna said, rolling her eyes. "What's your point?
"Clouds just kind of are." Celestia said, looking up at the puffy white clouds drifting on the lazy afternoon breeze. "They don't care about what happened or what's going to happen; they exist entirely in the moment."
"That's because they're brainless puffs of air!" Luna said. "Are you telling me I should be a brainless puff of air?"
"No just...be." Celestia said. "Are you happy worrying your head off about Tirek?"
"No, but-"
"And do you enjoy beating yourself up about what happened yesterday?" Celestia said.
"Well...not especially." Luna admitted.
"So why even think about that stuff?" Celestia said. "Why even waste all that brainpower of yours on problems that can't be solved? Be the cloud, little sister; be the cloud."
“Your philosophy needs a little work there, Neighto.” Luna laughed, rolling her eyes.
“You’re going to be fine, Luna.” Celestia said, holding the theater door open for Luna. “You know that, right?”
“Yeah…I guess so.” Luna sighed.
“We’re going to have nice, long, relaxing vacation and you’ll be back to your dusty books and freaky spellcasting before you know it!” Celestia said cheerily. “And if Princess Twilight were here right now, she’d agree with me."
"Oh of course she would; who could disagree with the wise and powerful Celestia?" Luna said.
"No, she really would!" Celestia said as they entered the dusty old theater lobby. "She would say "Luna, my faithful and only student, don't worry about a thing! I promise you that-"
“Everything is going to be okay!”
Luna and Celestia froze with their hooves on the theater door as the unmistakable voice of Princess Twilight came from inside.
“Okay that was weird.” Celestia chuckled nervously.
"That almost sounded like-"
“Twilight Sparkle, Heir of Magic and Princess of the Equestrian peoples!”
Celestia was saying something but Luna wasn’t hearing her. She was through the door and in the theater in a flash and there, standing in the middle of the stage surrounded by dozens of mirrors was Princess Twilight. Clad in her finest royal regalia, Princess Twilight turned this way and that, posing and examining her reflection in the mirrors and mumbling something under her breath.
“My faithful subjects!” Princess Twilight said, suddenly raising a hoof and examining her pose in the mirror. “Today, we stand before you to assume the sacred and solemn duty of guiding this new land out of the darkness and towards a brighter future full of happiness and…and…”
Princess Twilight bent down to check a piece of paper on the ground. “Prosperity! Today we stand before you to assume the sacred and solemn duty of guiding this new land out of darkness and towards a brighter future full of happiness and prosperity for all! Nailed it!”
Princess Twilight gave a little hop of joy as Luna gaped incredulously at her mentor. Since she left Canterlot earlier that day, Luna’s feelings towards her former mentor had run the gamut between wounded pining and bitter resentment. But now that she was here, now that she was standing just twenty feet away, all Luna could think about was how badly she missed being her student already.
“Princess?” Luna croaked after taking a moment to find her voice. “Princess Twilight?”
Princess Twilight turned away from her mirror and flashed a bright smile at Luna. “Oh, hello there! What are you doing-ooph!”
Princess Twilight staggered back a few steps as Luna flashed in front of her and threw her hooves around her neck.
“Princess, I’m sorry about the parade, I really am!” Luna pleaded. “I know you must be furious with me for flying off the handle like that but please let me go back to school! I promise I won’t work myself to death or break into your friends’ houses anymore! I know I messed up but it won’t happen again; please give me another chance to be your student! I promise, I won’t let you down!”
“You want to be my student?” Princess Twilight said, edging away from Luna nervously. “I-I’m flattered, love, I really am but I don’t think I’m qualified to teach anypony anything just yet.”
“Of course you are!” Luna said. “I know it must be disheartening to have such a magical pain in the flank like me for a student but it’s not your fault! You’re a great teacher and I would love nothing more than to study with you again!”
“Uh, excuse me, have we met before?” Princess Twilight said, looking at Celestia nervously.
“What are you talking about?” Luna said. “Don’t you recognize me?”
“Should I?” Princess Twilight said. “I’m sorry, dear, but I’ve never met you before in my-”
Princess Twilight stopped short as she caught sight of her reflection in the mirror.
“Ohhh!" Princess Twilight laughed. "Do you really think I’m Princess Twilight?!”
“O-of course we do; who else would you be?!” Celestia said.
“Sorry, dear, I’m afraid you have me confused with somepony else!” Princess Twilight said.
Before Luna could choke out a response, a bright flash of green light consumed Princess Twilight and Luna suddenly found herself groveling at the hooves of a unicorn she had never seen before. Her eyes traveled up a pair of long black legs to meet a pair of strange green eyes glittering down at her in amusement.
“P-princess?” Luna squeaked in confusion.
“Not anymore.” The unicorn said, offering Luna a hoof up. “But thank you for the compliment! It’s comforting to know I can pull of royalty so convincingly.”
“How…how did you…” Celestia babbled helplessly, looking at the unicorn who used to be Princess Twilight. “I don’t understand…how did you…how did you do that?!”
“Nifty little trick, isn’t it?” The unicorn said, changing into a perfect mirror of Celestia in another flash of green light. “You wouldn’t believe how much time this saves me in the makeup chair.”
“Woah, woah, woah!” Celestia cried, skirting away from her clone. “What’s with the freaky body snatching?!”
“I prefer to think of it as body-borrowing.” The unicorn said, sashaying up to a mirror on the side of the stage and admiring Celestia’s form in the mirror. “And let me tell you, I wouldn’t mind borrowing this body for an evening or two.”
“E-excuse me?!” Celestia shrieked, turning slightly pink.
“For a character I’m playing for a couple of evenings next week.” The unicorn said, smiling innocently with Celestia’s face. “What did you think I meant?”
“A-alright,that’s enough!” Celestia cried, flushing red. “I worked too hard on that body for a freaky spellcaster to borrow it like jacket! Out!”
“Okay okay, calm down.” The unicorn chuckled, changing back to her original form with a flash. “It’s just a simple illusion: I’m not going to steal your body like a bloody changeling or something.”
“I almost thought you were!” Luna said, suddenly enthusiastic. “Sorry, but that was amazing! That was perfect! I-I didn’t even know illusion magic could be that good! Did you study at the Royal University? Are you a member of the College of Glamour? What did you think of Princess Rarity’s treatise on sorcerous alterations?! Did you read the latest-”
"Slow down there, love!” The unicorn laughed, bowled over by Luna’s sudden interest in her. “I’m afraid I’m no sorceress; just a humble thespian with a unique trick up her sleeve.”
“A trick?!” Celestia squeaked. “You call completely stealing someone else’s appearance a trick?”
“Celestia!” Luna chided. “Sorry about that; my sister is a rabid rhabdophobe-”
“I am not!” Celestia hissed.
“-and seems to have left her manners back in Canterlot.” Luna finished, ignoring her sister’s indignant squeaking.
“Canterlot?!” The unicorn said, perking up. “You two are from the capitol?!”
“Formerly.” Luna said. “We came out here because Princess Twilight-”
“We came out here because we’re starting a new job.” Celestia said curtly, cutting across Luna. "And for no other reason."
“We’re your new mailmares.” Luna said, levitating the crate on the stage. “My name is Luna and the mare you want to spend the night inside-”
“Luna!”
“-is my sister Celestia.” Luna said.
“So nice to meet you both!” The unicorn said with a dazzling smile and theatrical bow. “My name is Chrysalis and on behalf of the Fillydelphia Players, welcome to Fillydelphia!”