Cadance In A Minor, Chapter 11: I Would Quill For You.
"...and that's about it. Next we went to the polo party and... I don't have to live through that again, do I? I think I'm suffering combat fatigue from it," Shining Armor finishes his retelling of earlier events with a smirk.
Sassy Swallow, like usual, doesn't smile. She does, however, talk. "I'm very happy that you were able to tell your wife about your problems. It is a very significant step between you two."
"Thanks. I think it was because of what you told me, though."
"I did not talk to your wife. That was all your doing. Modesty has its place, but there is nothing wrong with admitting to yourself that you've done something right."
"Well I didn't think about it that way." Shining Armor leans back in the rickety old armchair. It has already turned into a makeshift bed without his consent. "I was just too busy thinking about my own problems to see that she was hurt too . I finally figured out what's wrong with Cadance. She's been through a lot and I guess her way of coping was to... not cope with it. She pretended that nothing was wrong and tried to shut everything out. "
He looks at the cracked paint on the ceiling. The criss-cross pattern reminds him of the destruction he and Cadance wrought on their apartment together. "I tried that too, but it didn't really work. Then I... acted out. I don't know if it was any better. It led me to fight with Cady and I could tell her the stuff I couldn't have otherwise."
"You've found several positive sides to the recent events. Is that a change in your outlook?"
Shining Armor shrugs, mostly to himself. "Sure. Things are bound to get better. I mean... I still think there's a lot more to this whole thing than my..." He points between his legs. "You know, ever since my talk with Cady, I've been thinking. You know, really thinking. I'm not usually the one for that kind of stuff. Whenever something complicated happens I just try not to think about it and just act on my gut. All the brains in our family went to my sister." He barks a short laugh. "But I've been thinking. I'm... afraid of Cadance. That's the long and short of it. The panic attacks come whenever I can't see her well because it's dark or she's angry..." A cold claw clutches his chest and he feels his hooves itch as if preparing to run away. He tells his body to relax with a deep breath, closing his eyes . The feeling slowly passes and he is able to talk again. "She reminds me of the changeling Queen. She took Cady's form and did stuff to my head. Is it possible for her to have left something behind?"
"I am unfortunately unfamiliar with changeling magic. Mind control magic is outlawed in Equestria, as you well know, so there isn't too much material on the subject. There are a few books on the topic that I have looked over, but those were just cursory glances several years ago." Shining Armor can't help but notice the slight tremble in the therapist's voice. "That said, I did talk about the possibility of residual magic with my daughter after your first visit here. We both thought it might be worth investigating—"
"Not going to happen. I'm not letting anypony near my mind." He crosses his forehooves over his chest to show the topic to be closed.
"I am bound by my professional oath not to use any magic in my work."
The white unicorn can't stop himself from looking at her slack-jawed. "Wait... you can't use magic?"
"It is thought to be unethical. What would stop a therapist from just inserting a compulsion in a depressed pony's mind to be happy? Or removing the memory of a loved one they have lost?"
"That's..." A cold shiver runs down his back.
Somepony could do that? If I couldn't remember Cady, I'd... I'd... that's so wrong! Nopony's gonna use magic on my noggin. Nopony!
"Which is why I would never do such a thing. The... idea of helping somepony with such an easy solution is a very contested topic in my profession. Should the patient agree to the treatment, there would still be very high risks involved. The mind is a very fragile place."
"So... no magic. Sounds good to me."
"No. I do not believe such magic would be necessary. There is the question of residual magic to be considered though. Probing a pony's mind for such anomalies would not be intrusive as it would be just a scan and not alter anything. I believe there is just cause to do so in this very specific situation."
"I don't think so, Mrs. Swallow," Shining Armor says, his voice dropping several degrees below zero.
"As I said, it should be consid—"
"NO!" he growls. "No magic. Not in my head. Ever. Period."
"I understand. My apologies."
"Your..." The simple words almost physically knock the wind from Shining Armor. He deflates in the chair like a sad balloon animal. "I didn't mean to shout. Sorry. It's just... I really hate the idea. After what the Queen did to me... no. I'd rather not even think about it."
"You do not have to. I was merely suggesting a possibility. Nothing more."
He feels as if he'd slammed all his anger against a brick wall. And it hurts.
"I know," he says, "I started talking about it anyways." He stops to look at nothing in particular, deep in thought. "So it's possible? That there's some magic in my head making me scared of Cady?"
"It is possible, yes." Sassy Swallow's words fall like lead slabs onto Shining Armor, declaring his sentence.
"I really don't like saying it, but I guess I should get it checked out. If it's something like that. I don't want the Queen to win with something like this after everything that's happened. It wouldn't be fair to Cady either."
"Would you be doing it for your wife, or for yourself?"
"Both of us," he says without hesitation. "Isn't that what all of this is..." He stops to give the therapist a smug grin. "Gotcha."
"Excuse me?" Sassy Swallow says with a curious voice.
"You just did it again. You made me think about both Cady and me. You didn't try to talk me over about the scanning, you were making me convince myself!" Shining Armor looks at her with a victorious expression, lifting his chin. "I really caught you there. Hah!"
"I am asking questions to make you think of alternatives and help you come to terms with your own thoughts and emotions. That is my job."
"But you just... wasn't that just psychology you used on me?" His voice is already tinged with hesitation. He is left standing victorious over the battlefield of his mind, only to wonder if there ever was a battle to begin with.
"What do you think?" Her expression betrays no emotion, just a professional interest in everything he says.
He slams a hoof onto his forehead with a loud clop. "Fine. I'll... think about getting this scan done.” He can feel the words taste like sandpaper-flavoured ricecakes on his tongue. "Who'd even do it? You told me you can't."
"The procedure as such is not too difficult to perform. Any moderately practiced unicorn could probably do it, though they would have to study the topic for a time. Unless you could find somepony who is very capable with various types of magic already. Being able to trust the unicorn would also be paramount because of the nature of the spell."
"So basically a powerful unicorn I know?"
"Yes."
"That sure narrows it down to pretty much one: My sister."
"She is a very capable mare, I understand."
"The... unicorn would see stuff inside my head, right? Like, stuff I maybe didn't want them to see?" Images of himself on the floor of a public toilet, crying and desperately pleasuring himself while thinking of having sex with his little sister swim around his mind, accompanied by a spoonful of bile rising to his throat.
Sassy Swallow nods.
"Okay. Twily is out of the question. Totally."
"Do you have an alternative in mind?"
"Well there's Cad... no. Not Cady. Definitely not."
“I don't think there's anyone I know that..." His eyes glaze over as his tongue stops working. After a while, he regains control of the various pieces of his voicebox to perform verbal communication. "This is crazy, okay? But I think... I could ask Princess Luna."
"The Princess of the Night?" The fear in Sassy Swallow's voice is impossible to miss.
"Yeah, well, I've kinda made friends with her recently. She'd easily be powerful enough to do it, right?"
"Yes, I am sure she would be, but if you are willing to ask one of the Princesses for help, how do you feel about Princess Celestia instead?
The mere thought of asking the Princess of the Sun, Ruler of the Daytime, Protector of the Realm of Equestria, Guardian of Magic, and worst of all, his aunt, to go probe through his mind for traces of changeling mind control sends shudders down Shining Armor's whole body. He isn't afraid of her as such, but he has been sworn to her service for years and can't bring himself to think of her as anything short of a divine being.
"Definitely not. She's... scary. But Luna, I mean Princess Luna, seems a lot... I don't know. Nicer? I mean, when you get to know her. And she must be good with stuff like minds because she does that dream thing?"
"What do you mean?"
"Err... nothing. But I think it would work. Yeah."
Sassy Swallow seems to be taken aback. "I'm sure she would be a... valid choice if you say so." Something in her voice raises Shining Armor's hackles.
"But?"
"Excuse me?" she asks, her professional façade rebuilt in an instant.
"I thought I... sorry. Nothing." He ponders for a moment before continuing. "I'll ask Luna. She might refuse anyways, but I think she might be okay with it. I dunno." He leans onto the worn cushion behind his head. "I don't think I'm ready for getting someone go looking around in my head. I mean, what if it's not magic? What if I'm just..." He spins a forehoof next to his head and rolls his eyes.
"If it comes to that, we can work through it in therapy."
"It's not that simple, okay?"
"What makes you say that?"
Shining Armor closes his eyes for a moment. "I don't know. Now that I finally got to talking with Cadance and know how messed up our lives are..." He sighs, trying to put up a brave face. "There's so much to sort out. All the little things. Like pineapple chocolates."
"I'm not sure I follow."
"I'm not sure I do either. What I'm trying to say is that I'm not sure what I should and shouldn't talk about and clear up. Just saying 'everything' feels so easy but there's so much in 'everything.’ It's just so much. I know I have to talk to Cadance about my f... my fear of her, but should I talk to her about hurting me by accident? Or how I think about other mares and how I find them, you know, attractive. Then there's the move North that we've both been avoiding and the intimacy and my friends and Twily and I'm just... I'm just..."
"Maybe you should take a few deep breaths. Allow your body to catch up with your mind."
Shining Armor does and after a minute of only thinking of breathing, he feels his muscles lose their tension.
"It just feels like so much and we only have these sessions with Cady coming up and there's so much I want to talk about with her," he says.
"I understand your anxiety," Sassy Swallow answers curtly.
"You unders—" Shining Armor slams his forehoof on the hoofrest of his chair, but takes another deep breath to quell the bile that is rising to his throat. "Shouldn't you at least give me a hint here?"
"This is about you, Mr. Armor. About what you think you need to do."
"I really want to tell her everything, but I'm afraid she'd be hurt."
"Do you want to hurt her?"
"OF COURSE NOT!" Shining Armor roars as he jumps up from the chair. "What kind of a stupid question is that?!"
Sassy Swallow jumps a bit at his outburst, but seems to be as collected as ever in a heartbeat. Shining Armor's blood is pumping and making a rush in his ears, but the cold stare of the therapist starts to quell his anger. He turns his side to her and points a forehoof to his flank. "See this? This is my mark. It means I want to protect ponies from bad things. Especially Cady. I'd never do anything to hurt her!"
"Yet you have."
"I-I.. w-what the... how DARE you!"
"I'm sorry, but you must understand that in every conflict, in every relationship problem, there are two hurt parties."
"I KNOW THAT! And I feel like sh—bad about it! If I could, I'd go back and fix everything I did. I wish could go back in time to before the wedding and I'd fight the bug out of my head and get happily married with the filly I love," he fumes and paces around the room. "I LIED to her. Straight to her face. I told her that the bug was better than her in bed! How can I fix things like that? I said sorry, sure, but it doesn't work like that! I blew the whole thing up with my big mouth and I'm not sure if I can talk to her without hurting her more!"
"Do you think hiding your emotions from her would really solve anything?"
"I don't know! You're the shrink here!" he shouts, but sits back on the chair, and leans back.
"This is about—"
"What I think yadda yadda yadda." He slams both of his forehooves onto his face. "What if she doesn't love me any more if I tell her everything? Maybe I've done stuff that's too bad to fix?"
"Have you forgiven her?"
"W-what? Her? Isn't this about—"
"She has done things to hurt you too. Do you forgive her for them?"
"Of course! She didn't mean to... " He lets his forehooves fall limp onto his stomach. "Do you think she's thinking the same thing as me? That I'm mad at her?"
"You know her better than I do. Do you think that would be something she would do?"
"Yeah. She would. She definitely would." He knocks himself slightly on the side of his head with a forehoof. "If we both think that, then we're both worried that... She'd be worried sick about everything and wouldn't know what to say, just like me. And if I'm not the first one to talk, maybe she won't either. When the therapy comes... I just have to charge on and tell her the truth? Is it really that simple?" He looks at Sassy Swallow. "I'm an idiot, aren't I? Something so obvious and I didn't get it."
"There are several things on your mind right now. You must—"
"Yes, but there shouldn't be, right? I should only be thinking about Cadance."
"And yourself," she interjects.
"Yeah, that too. You think I'm making things more complicated? Is that it?"
"What do you think?"
"I don't know any more. I've been thinking and thinking through all this stuff and all I keep getting are more problems and no solutions. And our therapy together is this week. I don't even know where to start!"
"You will have no trouble getting started. All you have to do is talk."
Shining Armor looks at the ceiling again and mutters half to himself, "Then why is that the hardest part?"
"I'm sorry?"
"Nothing. I'm just thinking too much right now. Maybe I should try and get my mind off this thing for a while or something. I dunno." He looks at Sassy Swallow through the gap between his legs. "How much time do we have left for today?"
"We are fifteen minutes over."
"Whaat? Why didn't you tell me?" he asks while bouncing up from his chair.
"It would have been unhealthy for you."
"Gee, I'm... thank you."
"You are welcome." She looks a him and gives him a patient little nod, before turning her eyes to the door. "Unfortunately..."
Shining Armor is already halfway to the door. "Yeah, right. Umm... bye?" Just before he rushes out like a recruit late from a curfew, he remembers to turn around out of courtesy.
Sassy Swallow has stood up. "I will see you in a few days." She gives him an uncharacteristic, warm smile before adding "You'll do fine."
Shining Armor stops for a moment, then nods. "Thanks."
The taxi drops him off at the castle some fifteen minutes later. The archaic structure of polished marble and gold rises to touch the heavens in front of him. It is just as beautiful and imposing as the very first time he saw it. He remembers coming here as a schoolcolt years ago. Back then, the teacher had to practically push him inside because he was so awed at the place. The feeling is still there, but this time there is no Mrs. Chalks to help him.
At least it's sunny and no cursed blizzards in sight. No ancient black unicorn revenant around to enslave everypony, either. I'll take Canterlot over Crystal Kingdom any day.
The mental image sours his already conflicted mood even more. He looks at the white castle towering above him and shakes his legs back to working order before heading inside. The warmth of the hundreds of torches and colourful carpets makes him immediately feel more at home.
Yup. Definitely not as bad. Guess that's why I'm supposed to move to the nice place where Twily found a massive stairwell to the deep bowels of the castle that could only be opened with dark magic. Right below where me and Cady are supposed to hang around all day an be all rulery.
"Why did Twily have to go poke in that hole? I'd be happier if she'd never told me we had one there."
"Sir?"
He is roused from his thoughts as the guards standing in their traditional columns around the entryway are trying to keep a straight face.
"Umm... was I thinking out loud?" he asks in a sheepish voice that he immediately regrets.
"Yes, Sir!" the dozen or so guardsponies answer him in one voice with clear smirks on their faces.
Shining Armor is about to muster all his authority and shout the group of unruly soldiers back into shape, but for some reason he doesn't feel the gusto for it. He just meekly mutters a murmured, "Carry on," and moseys away. He doesn't notice the grins disappear and get replaced by concerned looks and awkwardly exchanged glances on the guards' faces.
It's not like I'm even in command of these guys any more. Why should I care?
Shining Armor finds himself in his office, not remembering the time it took for him to get there. He throws himself into his chair and lets it turn around a few times before ending up facing the window. A slow drizzle is beginning outside. His mind returns to the visit to his therapist.
"I'm not sure if I'm ready to have somepony go around rummaging in my head." He hears himself say.
"No kidding," he answers himself out loud. "No magic. Nothing good's come from magic lately."
Shining Armor turns around and looks up at the peak of Mt. Paperest that almost reaches the ceiling by now . For a moment he feels a twinge of guilt stab the back of his neck as he thinks of when he has even done any work and not just mulled his personal problems around his head. A determined intake of breath, the grasping of a quill with his magic, and the screech of his chair under him signal the world around that the Commander is ready to work.
About an hour later, he is still holding the quill in the air, but has slumped onto the desk, not having signed a single paper. A single thought repeats inside his head, refusing to leave. Just like when his little sister came for a holiday and told him about how she'd been caught in the forbidden section of the Royal Archives and Princess Celestia had told her not to 'think about frazzleberries.’ He found the whole story silly, but for several days after, he'd thought about what frazzleberries were, until he'd caved under the pressure and asked Twily about it. She'd just giggled and told him they were just a made-up word that was hard to get out of your mind because you didn't know what they were and were told not to think about; curiosity and resistance in equal measures making sure you couldn't stop. It is the same with the thought of asking Luna for help. He wanted to know if there actually was magic involved in his wifeophobia, but he had told himself that no magic was allowed.
"All you had to do was find out what the frazzleberries were and you could stop thinking about them. Princess Celestia taught me that it's the same with anything you don't know about and shouldn't do that makes you desperately want to do it, and the idea will not let go before you do, or you are allowed to do it. If you lack one, the other will let go," Twilight's precocious voice echoed in his mind.
"So... I can either ask Luna to probe my mind to sate my curiousity, or ask her to probe my mind because I've forbidden myself from not having magic used on me. Guess I'm stuck," he said to the uncaring mountain of paper. "Damn psychology."
But that would actually mean she would use magic on me and go poke about in my head. What if it really is magic? Can she remove it? Will it have side-effects? Will I think differently about Cady? Or about the Queen?
On the other hoof, if I'm under some spell, then it means I'm not myself and nothing I do with Cady is really... true? Maybe it wouldn't hurt to talk to Luna about it? Maybe? Sassy did say it was non-invasive so I guess it's safe.
He sits up straight and shakes his head. The joints in his spine crackle in protest, sending a slight wave of dizzyness to his head. The room feels stuffy around him so he opens one of the windows to let some cool, moist air inside. Somewhere that seems to be miles away he can hear the distant sounds of the city. Leaning on the windowsill, his mind refuses to stop working.
Luna it is then. I'd better take care of that thing before I change my mind. With unseeing eyes he stares into the rain outside. Now that I think about it, how do I even get an appointment with her? I've just usually bumped into her... or she's ended up in my weird sex dreams.
He lays a hoof onto his face before allowing it to carefully start massaging his temple.
"Welcome to my dreams, Princess. Here I'm having a good time with the number one enemy of Equestria. Didn't have the pleasure of meeting you before the wedding. The Guard Captain at your service. Totally not a traitor! Nice to meet you!" That sure was a good first impression. At least she was nice enough not to bring it up again. Then I told her all about my bedroom trouble by accident. Hay... she's still talking to me so that must mean something. And what did she say when I was going out? That we're family? Am I really family with a thousand-year-old demigoddess?
Where did I go wrong?
He turns around to face his desk. After a short rummage and a minor document-slide he finds a clean roll of paper and grabs the quill in a shimmer of telekinesis.
"Dear Princess Luna... I would like to... to..." he begins writing while mouthing the words out loud. "What the hay would I actually want? For her to get inside my head and see if I'm under some curse or just batpony-manure-insane? Maybe I should try 'Could you be my changeling Queen, just for tonight?' Blagh." He crumples the paper and tosses it at the wastebin.
He misses.
Another paper, another attempt. He stops for a moment and looks at the basket. In his mind, his little sister is working passionately on some school project as a filly, going crazy over every dot and comma, almost on the verge of total shutdown. He tries to take a deep breath to steady himself and to continue writing.
"Dear Princess Luna. I would cordin...cordea... how do I even spell it?" He thinks of searching his bookshelf for a dictionary, but a quick glance there reveals nothing but atlases, ancient military manuscripts, and the few half-hidden comics he smuggled in when his aide was on a break. "Okay... I'll work around it. So how about: Could your Royal Highness... but she didn't want to be called that, did she? All informal and stuff. Aunt Luna? Auntie? Lulu? Gaaaaaah!" He holds his head with both forehooves and shakes his head. Something wet drips onto his cheek, but he is far too occupied to even notice. "I can't do this! I can't even ask her to help! How am I supposed to talk to Cady about all the weird stuff if I can't ask Luna for help with something simple like this?"
He crumples up the paper and is about to toss it at the basket too, but unfurls it instead.
"...Simple like having her enter my mind, check the place out, kick the tires and light the fires? Who am I kidding? I don't want her anywhere near my noggin."
With a seemingly endless sigh, he collapses onto the table, bringing down one of the huge stacks of paper crashing down. He tries to grab it desperately with his hooves, but only succeeds in collapsing another pile to the floor. As a coup de grâce, his inkwell slowly teeters over the edge, emptying itself over the numerous stacks of priceless documents. Somewhere far below him, in the deepest dungeons of the castle, the heartbroken wailing of petty bureaucrats echoes through their dark lair as their meticulous work is soiled by a tidal wave of oily carbon. Luckily for Shining Armor, he doesn't hear it, because his head has shot up with a different revelation.
"Maybe this is a part of the Queen's magic! The spell must be stopping me from trying to break it! Confusing my head so I couldn't fight it off! That's gotta be it! Oooh... she's so evil! But I've got your number now, Queenie..."
With his precious writing implements sabotaged by the latent magics of the telepathic terrorist insect, he is left with only one solution. He grabs the tiny chime that has miraculously survived the paperslide and the tempest of ink, and shakes it vigorously. Under a second, the door is opened by a wiry young stallion with the thinnest glasses Shining Armor has ever seen on his muzzle.
"Take a letter," he barks, before the aide can even assess the chaos surrounding the Commander's desk. Shining Armor's quivering, slightly falsetto voice leaves no room for any sensible pony to voice an objection. His aide is very sensible.
"Yes, Sir!" He levitates a clear paper and a wet quill from somewhere. "Ready, Sir!"
"Auntie Luna. Maybe under changeling mind control. Need help. Shining Armor."
The aide hesitates for a moment before writing out the short message. "Is that everything, Sir?"
"Yes. It might be a matter of national... something. Go deliver the letter to Princess Luna."
"Yes, Sir. Would you want me to bring you a towel when I return?"
"Towel?" He looks at the guard with squinted eyes. "What kind of a stupid question is that?"
"You are covered in ink, Sir."
"Oh... I am?" the pintoesque unicorn looks at his forehooves as if seeing them for the first time. "I am! I... really am!" he guffaws a laugh that cause nightmares to a clown, before turning dead serious and slamming his hooves onto the few remaining papers on his desk. "Deliver that letter and then a towel! In that order!"
The adjutant closes the door carefully behind him, so he misses the hoots of glee that escape Shining Armor's lips.
"Take that you shapeshifting hag! Haahhahhahaaaah!"
His vision returns to the calamity that has befallen the once pristine office.
"Haaahahah...."
As the last of his laughter dies down, he slowly picks up his fallen chair, gingerly sits down, and slowly lowers his head onto his forehooves.
"I'm going crazy... aren't I?" he whispers with a trembling voice.
Several hours, a thorough scrubbing, and several apologies later, Shining Armor finally got the room cleaned up with the help of several very helpful and stoic ponies. No answer has come from Princess Luna. None of the papers have been touched either. The Commander of the Guard is still staring blankly at the first paper he picked up from the pile, fully intending to give his job all he had. That was about an hour ago. His eyes scan the report for the thousandth time, but his mind fails to register any of the words written on the document. He recalls it had something to do with guard rotations because of work related injuries, but his mind isn't capable of being in two places at once. At the moment, his mind spends time bouncing between several conflicting feelings that could mostly be summed up as 'foal in detention,’ mixed with a dash of 'naughty colt before Hearth's Warming Eve,’ and some 'existential dread' to top it all off.
A cursory glance to his clock tells him that his office hours are over. He has the choice of returning to his quarters and his loving wife, hiding inside his office until Princess Luna (Maybe? Possibly? Oh please, Celestia! Hurry!) would come and find him, or the remote chance of joining the Foreign Neighion. The thought of a warm, sandy desert with nothing to do but grueling military routines and strict discipline with no thinking involved beckons to him, but his sense of duty makes him stand up and saunter for his apartment instead. The adjutant at his door asks if he wants any papers to be mailed or delivered somewhere. Shining Armor grunts an answer and goes on his un-merry way
Before the door to Cadance and his home, he lifts his head up. Staring at the door has become a sort of a ritual to him, he muses. Home is supposed to be a place where a pony is happy to return to after a grueling day of work, isn't it? For Shining Armor, it feels quite the opposite. The real chores seem only to begin on the other side of this door. He pushes it open, not hearing even the tiniest of squeaks from the hinge.
He has to admit that the assorted construction specialists did an amazing job at restoring the apartment in such a short time. There are some minor details to be worked out, but most of the place has returned to its former glory. One can hardly notice the places where violent unicorn and alicorn magic destroyed priceless antiques or smashed ancient heirlooms to bits. With a smug grin he notes that the new couch is clearly of more recent make, as is the rest of the new furniture, now that he looks it over. A lot sturdier than the frail and elaborate items of yore that he associates with being royalty too.
"Honey, I'm home," he says at the door, half hoping not to even get an answer.
A pink head popping from the bathroom, followed by the rest of his towel-covered wife soon shatter that fantasy. "Welcome back," Cadance says and moves to give her husband a firm, if a little damp, hug.
"How was your day?" Cadance asks as they both slump onto the soft new sofa in their living room
The memory of his unfinished work dances around his mind. He doesn't really want to tell Cadance that he did nothing, but the sheer idea of lying to her is even worse.
"The usual," he tries diplomatically.
"Oh? Well... that's good," she says to Shining Armor's relief.
"Guess your day was a bit rougher than normal?"
"Well, remember how I told you how a Princess is supposed to treat everyone equal and have no prejudices of any kind?" Cadance says, guilt clear in her voice.
"Griffons?"
"No." She leans her neck back onto the sofa and slides down. "Diamond Dogs"
"You've got to be joking? I thought they didn't have an embassy in Canterlot after the incident with the royal jewels?"
"They don't, but—" she closes her eyes as if preparing for physical pain "—they want to start negotiations on 'immigration, mineral surveys and political relationships' with... the Crystal Kingdom."
It doesn't take too long for the unicorn to work through the long words. "They want to move to a country that is basically made out of gemstones?"
"Yes. And I had to listen to their dignitary go on and on about equality and such for hours on end."
"A... dog-nitary?," he says absent mindedly, before receiving a harrumph as a reward.
"Shiny! That's nasty!" She says with mock indignation. "Can you believe he kept scratching at himself while we talked? And... he drooled! I... I feel horrible about it but as soon as I got home I just HAD to take a shower. I might have fleas, Shiny!"
The instinctual response of hearing the word 'flea' makes both of them scratch the backs of their head where a tiny itching sensation has started building up. "So... how did the thing end up?" Shining Armor asks.
"We managed to put a moratorium on immigration for a few years , citing that we have to re-build the Kingdom's infrastructure and bring them up to date with modern technology and practices before allowing such... strong cultural influences." She slumps onto the stallion's shoulder. "I'm pretty sure the poor guy understood what we really meant. He looked pretty miserable when he left. He even had his tail between his legs."
"A mora-what?"
"We pushed the whole thing back."
"Oh," he says, before adding, "I still think you did the right thing."
"’Right’ doesn't always feel right," she says with a tiny mutter.
The unicorn wraps a hoof around her. "I know, Honey."
They lean on each other for a moment longer, allowing Shining Armor to gather his courage. "Honey, I think we need to talk about the Crystal Kingdom."
"Yes?" Cadance gives him a slightly drowsy look, clearly a bit tired from the long day.
"Well, I mean, do we really have to move there?"
"I'm not sure I understand, Shiny. I'm their Princess so... isn't that kind of mandatory?"
"I..." he is at a loss for words. "I was just hoping that after all we've been through, we wouldn't have to move again so soon. The place is so far away and... well... I don't know anypony there, really. All my friends are here too. And my family."
"All of my friends are here as well, Shiny. If I could choose, I'm not sure if I would want to move there either. It just isn't for us to decide."
"But..." he says, almost like a colt begging his mother to let him stay home from school.
"I have the Kingdom's crest as my cutie mark, Shiny. I saved them from King Sombra. I am their Princess and I can't change that. Even now I can feel the Crystal Heart in the distance, calling for me."
"I didn't know that," Shining Armor says, feeling a sour taste rising in his throat. "You never told me."
"I'm sorry," she brushes a forehoof along his leg soothingly. "Moving North isn't up to us. I think that ever since I was a filly I've been destined to be the Crystal Princess. I just wish I'd known that before all this."
"You didn't know about your cutie mark being the Kingdom's crest?"
"No." Her voice is almost emotionless as she speaks and her eyes gloss over. "Everything to do with the Kingdom was only known to the Royal Sisters. I didn't understand it before I saw the flag they were flying at the fair, and that was after we'd already recovered the Heart."
"Well, uhh..." Shining Armor begins, yet has nothing to really say. The matter on where he will be living for the rest of his life seems to have been decided by an ancient artifact. Away from all of his friends, family—
His rapidly spinning spiral of desperation dragging his mind to the dark place where he doesn't want to visit is cut off as the door to their balcony is slammed open by a flash of blue magic. Shining Armor is on his hooves and conjuring up a globe of force around Cadance and himself in under a second. He is left gawking as the regal form of Princess Luna walks in, her tempestuous hair flowing behind her, illuminated by the crackling energy surrounding her.
"Relinquish your hold on my nephew, you foul shapechanging fiend!" She bellows, the room shaking under her voice. "Once have I failed to protect my subjects from you and never again shall you harm them in my domain!" She turns to aim her horn at the forcefield around the two ponies. Shining Armor, confused and bewildered, doesn't expect the full force of the Princess of the Moon to slam into him. His shield breaks and both him and Cadance are thrown back and prone on the floor. Cadance yelps and tries to hide behind him, while the Prince himself is clumsily trying to climb to his quivering hooves. He is snagged up in what seem to be ethereal chains the colour of moonlight and lifted up a few inches off the floor. He looks to his wife and sees her in the same predicament.
"I came as soon as I got the letter, my nephew. My foolish guards kept me from it while I slept. Only now did I receive your plea of help."
"Shiny what is she talking about? What is going—"
"Silence you foul blackguard!" she invokes in her regal voice, blowing the manes of the two entangled ponies straight back with a gale-force wind. The chains tighten around his barrel and he grunts from pain. He can hear Cadance yelp in a frightened voice. "I know not how you have broken the barriers around the castle once more, you accursed Queen, but know that I shall not be taken down as easily as my sister!"
"Luna! Please... just... listen!" Shining Armor pleads. "This is the real Cadance! Not the changeling Queen! Why would you even say something like that!?"
"Did you not send for mine aid with your letter?" she asks in a more inside voice, showing him an incriminating letter he'd sent in the afternoon. "Were these not your words of fear and desperation on being subject to mind control of this most foul being?"
A crimsom hot glow creeps up his neck and cheeks. "Yes! I sent the letter because I needed you to... Just believe me! This is Cadance and I'm, well, I'm me! Could you please let us down?" He looks frantically between Princess Luna and his near-hysterical wife. Cadance's horn is glowing as she tries fighting the Lunar Diarch's magic futilely.
"This... is this some form of of... evil... magic that you are under, Nephew? Is this—"
"NO! NO IT IS NOT! JUST PUT US DOWN! NOW!" Shining Armor shouts with a mixture of anger and pleading in his voice.
The Princess of the Moon still looks at them in confusion, but lowers them back onto the floor and loosens up their ethereal chains slightly. Before she can say anything more, the room begins to fill with several Bat Pony sentinels landing onto the balcony, as well as Royal Guards running in through the front door. The scene is made complete with the rattling flash of Princess Celestia appearing in the middle of the room. She takes a long look around the room, hiding her puzzlement under a stern look of disapproval at anything and everything in the room, before zeroing on her little sister.
"Luna? Could you please explain to me why Princess Cadance and Shining Armor are bound in your magic and the room is filled with guards?" she asks in the calm voice of a sea before a tidal wave rolls over a tiny island of fishermen.
"My sister," the Princess of the Moon answers hesitantly. "As I awoke from mine slumber, my guards delivered to me this scroll." She floats the letter to her sister, her worry only betrayed by the slight quiver in her telekinesis. Princess Celestia rolls the scroll open and studies it carefully. Everypony's attention is set on the majestic white alicorn, which is only a tiny sliver of hope for the fiercely blushing Commander of the Guard. The Princess of the Sun rolls the scroll back up and it bursts into flames, vanishing almost instantly. She walks slowly to the bound Princess and gently lowers her horn onto her head. A short burst of white travels along her horn and into Cadance's, who winces slightly amidst her sniffles.
"Luna, you can release them. I assure you that this is Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and none other."
After a long moment of hesitation, the bonds around the two ponies evaporate into a mist and disperse. Shining Armor dashes to his wife and takes her in a deep embrace.
"Guards, return to your posts," Princess Celestia says in a quiet voice that leaves no room for objections. After they are gone, she sits down on the floor next to Cadance and Shining and with a much quieter and calmer voice asks, "Are you alright, my little ponies?"
Shining Armor nods to her, as does the slightly sobbing Cadance.
"Good. Now. I think it would be best if we asked for the staff to deliver us some tea and had a little talk." Shining Armor hears the tiny tingle of a chime and Princess Celestia asking a maid to deliver some tea. "Luna? Would you join us, please?"
Her sister's words send a shudder through Princess Luna's body. She has made it to the wrecked door she came in through and is looking out into the darkening night. She quickly wipes a wing over her eyes before turning around. Her eyes are still clearly moist, Shining Armor notices.
"Sister... I..." she begins, her lower lip trembling.
"Shh. Come here." Princess Celestia rises up, goes to her sister's side, and folds a gentle wing over her.
"I didn't... I didn't mean to... I..." the blue alicorn stammers, almost breaking into tears.
"I know, Luna. You were very worried and overreacted. You don't have to run away. Misunderstandings are best talked through, are they not? Hush now." The older sister gently strokes her sibling's mane with a wing and nuzzles her gently. "Now, go wash your face and get ready for tea. We can talk all about it."
Princess Luna nods and with an embarrassed look at the two seated ponies, disappears into the bathroom. Her sister looks after her until her tail vanishes through the door. She then turns to look at Shining Armor, her face turning to a frown that reminds him of an angry mother.
"Prince Shining Armor. Could you please explain exactly why you would send such a letter to my sister? I am sure there is a very good reason for this and I would like you to tell it to me." In his head, Shining Armor hears the added maternal, “You are in trouble, mister, just how bad is yet to be decided.”
"You-Your Royal High-Highness Princess Celestia, I... because of... " he looks around himself, almost butting heads with his wife who is still holding onto him. "Well, because the truth is that, well, that I shouldn't be telling it to you."
The Princess of the Sun's eyes turn into a threatening scowl. "You are not willing to explain to me why you have caused such chaos in my home?"
"I want to, believe me I really want to, but, you see..." he turns to look at Cadance, who stares back at him with her mouth agape in confusion. "...it's something very personal."
"Honey, what's wrong?" Cadance asks. "Why can't you tell us? Is it something bad?" Shining Armor's chest aches from the worry in his wife's voice.
"I just don't want to, that is..." he stops and just looks at the floor, his face burning from shame. When Princess Luna returns to the room, a hollow silence has fallen. The Prince looks at both of the Royal Sisters with a pitiful expression and asks in a very un-stallionly voice, "Could I talk to Princess Luna for a moment. Just... I can try to explain this."
"Shiny, you're scaring me," Cadance says to him.
The sisters look at each other for a moment, before Celestia nods and turns back to Shining Armor. "You are one of the most trusted ponies in all of Equestria, so I will have to trust you on this matter. If and when the issue is resolved, I expect to get a full explanation on it."
"T-thank you, Your Royal Highness." He turns to Cadance. "I'm sorry, Cady. I really am. This is all to make things between us better, I promise you. Will you... can you trust me on this? You know I don't want to keep things from you, so please, don't ask what is going on. Please."
"Is something wrong? Honey, please tell me." Her grip around her husbands forehoof tightens like a vice. He has to grimace before getting his words out.
"If something is wrong, then this will be making it right. Can you... trust me? I promise to tell you... tell you both," he looks hastily at the scowling white alicorn, "as soon as it's okay."
"Promise?" Cadance looks him straight in the eyes. To his surprise, he can easily match her gaze without feeling guilty.
"Promise."
They share a short kiss, both of them forgetting the royalty standing vigil right next to them. Princess Celestia moves to sit next to Cadance while Shining Armor gets to his hooves. He walks over to Princess Luna and motions for her to follow him to the balcony.
"Nephew, I am so sorry. I... I did not mean to assault you and your wife. It was so rash of me. Please don't be angry.”
”Angry? Why would I be angry? It was all my fault anyway. If somepony should be saying ‘sorry,’ it's pretty much me.”
”So we can still be... friends?” The words come out in a fillyish whisper.
”O-of course!” he stammers, taken aback by the Princess' worry. ”You have no idea what kind of weird stuff I've been through with my friends and family. It's okay, I promise.”
”Thank you,” she says and appears to regain some of her posture she held earlier. ”Now, Nephew, what is with all of this intrigue?"
"I really screwed up!" he hisses in a whisper, checking over his shoulder to see if the two ponies inside might hear them. "I wanted to clear this whole thing up before anypony else would have to know. The letter was so stupid but I thought that I had to rush through it so I could get things fixed!"
"I am not sure I follow," Luna says. "Actually no, I am pretty sure I do not follow."
"I might have a residual spell from the changeling Queen inside my head that makes me have a panic attack every time I'm... intimate with Cadance. I need a powerful unicorn to check my head for it and you were the only one I could think of. The pony doing it might see a lot of weird very personal things inside so I can't ask Cady or Twily and you've been so nice that I thought I could ask you!" he finishes his rant, panting from having said everything in one breath.
"You would ask me? And not my sister?" Her voice is a mixture of surprise, confusion, and, to his surprise, joy. When he dares to look at her, he sees a tiny smile glint on her lips in the darkening evening.
"She's... I mean I wanted to ask you."
"Thank you."
"Huh?" He can't be sure, but he could have sworn seeing the Princess in front of her blush lightly under her deep blue coat. He perishes the thought as his imagination playing tricks on him.
"I will do as you ask. I would also explain the situation to my sister, if you would allow it."
Shining Armor can't stop his hackles from rising at the thought of making the Princess of the Sun privy to her possible mental influence. "Yeah, of course. I just couldn't tell her when Cady was right there and I don't want her to hear what's going on because she'd get scared or feel hurt that I didn't ask her."
"I understand, and for what it is worth, I believe this to be the right thing." She nods in the direction of the apartment and walks inside.
As they enter, the royal foursome have been brought their tea and a large plate of biscuits. Cadance and Celestia are sitting side by side next to the new, and no doubt sturdy, living room table, chatting in a low voice. To Shining Armor's great relief, his wife seems to have calmed down and is smiling together with the majestic white alicorn and sipping her tea.
"Sister? Would you join me for a moment?" Princess Luna says as soon as she walks in. Princess Celestia says something to Cadance before rising up and joining her younger sister on the balcony. Shining Armor sits down next to Cadance, on the opposite side from where her aunt had just been seated. His wife gives him a look that practically has question marks floating above her head.
"So, is..." she begins, not knowing how to continue.
"Everything is working out, Honey." He gives her a reassuring stroke on her lap. "I think I need to go run an errand with Luna. Maybe later tonight."
"Oh..." Cadance says, and hides her face inside her teacup.
They drink and eat in near silence, only the slightest of murmurs carrying inside from the balcony. After a few minutes, the Royal Pony Sisters enter once more. They both take their places around the table and Celestia fills her cup and passes the pot to her sister.
"Cadance?" She says after taking a sip of her drink. "I know that this is confusing, but Luna explained to me what is going on, and however cruel it might feel, I ask you to have patience in this matter. The whole thing is very trivial, I assure you. The fact that the whole thing escalated so much is beyond my understanding." Her last words and her slightly annoyed glare are both aimed directly at Shining Armor, who has trouble swallowing his biscuit. "I hope we have all learned something about the importance of concise literary expression today," she continues before turning to look directly into her teacup, "And maybe about restraint and thinking before acting as well?"
The tiny cough from Princess Luna is the only indication that she did indeed get the message. Princess Cadance is just left looking baffled and slightly sour.
"I feel like a schoolfilly who is having nasty rumours spread about her behind her back," she says with a sulky voice.
Celestia turns to her and smiles. "It's just like holding court, isn't it?" They stare at each other for a moment before bursting into laughter, which finally seems to diffuse the situation. "I am sorry, my little ponies. I think I need to retire for the night. I hope to hear from Luna about how the rest of the evening goes when I wake up." She nods to her sister and gets up. Instead of teleporting away, she walks to the balcony calmly and takes wing.
The three ponies are left seated around the table. Shining Armor absent-mindedly grasps for another bite to eat, but finds the plate empty. Princess Luna looks at Cadance over the table and the pink alicorn shies away from her gaze.
"My apologies for the situation earlier, Princess Cadance. I acted hastily and... foolishly. I hope I did not hurt you."
"Oh, it's okay," she says in a quiet, hesitant voice. "I'm alright. Just please don't do it again?"
"I will do my best," the blue mare responds. Shining Armor is unsure if she is joking, or seriously doubting if she can avoid storming into their living room in the future. "I shall have to attend to my duties for a few hours, but if it is possible, could Prince Shining Armor join me in the Night Garden at around ten tonight?"
"The Night Garden? And isn't it cold outside at that hour?" Cadance asks.
"It will be taken care of. I believe it would be a perfect place for what we need to do tonight."
"This sounds weirder by the minute. First, you can't tell me what is going on and now you're running off in the most remote corner of the castle in the middle of the night?"
"I assure you that being outside during the night is paramount for this matter and the location will afford us privacy." The Princess answers matter-of-factly. "For now, I shall follow my sister's lead and attend to my duties. I shall see you later." With those words, she walks to the balcony as well and jumps into the darkness.
The mostly happily married couple is left seated in the living room, both exchanging troubled looks, not knowing what to say.