“So, have you told Chrysalis why we visited yet?” Luna asked me.
She tried to keep our reason for coming to the changeling empire subtle in case I had not briefed Chrysalis. I am thankful for that since I didn’t say a word about it.
“Nope, why don’t you do the honour?”
“Considering the present situation and your continued successes, it is presumed most wise that you shou-”
Before she could continue, I turned around to swan dive out the nearest window. Too many bad memories in politics. We were on the first floor so I didn't get very far. But it still had the intended effect exhibiting my desires to not enter debates and negotiations and the fact that I don't give a shit. However, it also made me the center of attention with both Luna facehoofing and Chrysalis reeling in laughter.
[/hr]
I leaned against my canine, lumber friend. We were sitting beside a lovely campfire. It was lovely mostly because a fox slowly roasted over it. Everything looks lovely when it’s cooking a dead animal. Even the old radiator I used to barbeque my chicken because the oven wasn’t working. It still surprised me how a radiator - barely able to heat a room - was able to cook food.
“Hey, Talon?”
“What?” she replied turning her wooden head to face me.
“How do timberwolves eat?”
That was a question I always meant to ask. Timberwolves are basically skeleton structures made up of wood. Yet, when they eat, the food just seems to sort of disappear in their mouth.
“Well, first of all, we are held together by magic like every other living thing in this world. However, our physical bodies are slightly more dependent on it.”
“Yeah, no shit. Get to the point.”
Upon saying this she kicked me again. The kick was softer this time but my ears were still ringing.
“Anyways,” she continued making sure I noticed her scowl, “food gives you and us energy. For us, energy equals magic. So, basically my food is transformed into the magic used to hold my body together.”
That actually made a lot of sense. It surprised me how much logic was used to construct a world of rainbow-coloured ponies and wooden animals.
“Hey guys!” a voice called out to us.
I think I know who that voice belongs to lifting up my head in time to see Chao standing before us.
“Um, what are you doing?” she asked us observing our little campfire. Well, no point lying to her here.
“I’m cooking a fox that I-“ Talon delivered a swift kick to my temple, “-we caught.”
I took a few moments to regain my senses.
“Anyways, what are you doing here?” I raised an eyebrow.
“Well, you did promise me that-“
“Oh yeah right, sure. Come with me to find some flat ground and we’ll get started.”
[/hr]
“This looks good.”
“No it doesn’t.”
“Shut up!”
*Slap*
The three creatures who are of completely different species sat together in a circle.
“So, you want to learn to fight. That is the easiest thing to learn next to how to chew. However, learning the most effective means to fight is quite difficult. First question: do you wish to learn unarmed martial arts or weapon arts?”
“I don’t know.”
“Of course not. I’ll teach you unarmed. It's easier. For you at least, you can just change into whatever weapon you want to wield. First, I’m going to teach you about the concept of yin yang.”
I gave her a speech I had given to many people before; the concept that there is always bad in good and that there is always good in bad. Good and evil are like the seasons. It goes round and round and never stops. Everything has some good and some evil. Nothing is grey but there is always a patch of black in the whiteness. Chao just kind of sat there and nodded once in a while. I wonder if she understood anything that I was saying. At least she did not cut me off by saying that this has nothing to do with the subject at hand. Yin yang is foundation of what I am about to teach her, for she must learn to realise and control the good and evil of her actions. I phrased this speech differently to fit the one member audience. However, I ended it with the same sentence as all other times; use the good portion of everything to its potential and use the bad portion to your advantage. I wanted to stall the lesson as long as possible, I didn't feel like doing any physical work for today.
“Now, I will teach you about fear. Like everything else, fear is both bad and good. On the left hand, fear will blind your judgement and give you the urge to flee. On the right hand, fear will sharpen your senses and your reflexes granting you ease in escaping danger. Being fearless will give you more confidence making thinking easier. However, if you are fearless, you will become ignorant to the consequences of your actions. You must choose whether to be fearless or to be fearful. At first, people think of fear as a bad thing. However, it is not a bad thing. Whether it’s good and bad, like everything else, is dependant on how you use it.”
She probably has no idea what I’m talking about.
“Hey!” I felt a kick hitting me square in the back. “HEY!”
Now, why is it whenever I try to have a serious conversation someone has to ‘kick’ up a fuss?
“Where’s the food?” came a voice from behind me.
“…”
Well, shit. I left that fox slowly roasting over a campfire. Even if the wildlife doesn’t reclaim it, it’ll be darker than charcoal and harder than rock.
“You suck.”
[/hr]
“Okay,” I said as I clapped my hands together, “you are probably bored from all of the talking and just want the opportunity to hit something.”
“No, what you said was really interesting.”
“Be honest.”
“I’m twitching out of boredom from your stupid speeches and I still don’t know how to punch someone after two hours of your so called lessons.”
“That’s better...oddly specific and hurtful.” I put a hand up to my chin. “but better. Still, the lessons would only seem useless today. If you remember them though, the knowledge could come in handy for you in the future.”
She randomly exploded into flames. Certainly not something you would expect to see everyday. Well, not at home anyways. Seems pretty normal here. However, what happened next was not something one would expect to see here either. She became human. A familiar human to be precise. But how would she know what a ‘she’ looks like. In fact, how would she know what any female human looks like. It’s not as if there are a lot of human girls running around in Equestria… Wow! I am really lonely.
Then, it hit me. She must have found the pocket-sized magazine I kept hidden in my jacket at the time when I was brought here. Everything I had on my body was brought here. That includes half a pack of cigarettes, a sock (I have no idea how that got in my pocket), and a magazine that I have because, um, the articles were interesting and the editorials were delightfully informative. No, it was porn. Anyways… although I’m not proud of it, the magazine has done its part in keeping my sanity in check, muscles relaxed, and tension released. Without it, I might have bucked a few horses. Huh, that’s a disturbing thought. Wait, buck? Am I using that word now? This place is getting to my head. Staring at Chao’s new form, I became unsure how to proceed with the lessons both out of embarrassment and appreciation.(not to mention erection)