Chapter 4: Making Good Pt. 2
There were still some parts of Ponyville I wasn’t familiar with, but I had been well-acquainted with the Lunar District of Ponyville. Named for Luna, the night princess, this area of Ponyville specialized in the nightlife, featuring clubs, bars, and even a stripclub or two (I always veered away from the latter, simply because I could only imagine what went on in such a place since ponies were naked most of the time anyway). After Twilight and her friends, Vinyl Scratch and her roommate Octavia had been some of the first ponies I’d become acquainted with in this world, and interestingly enough, they shared a home in the center of the Lunar District.
Being a DJ, Vinyl had taken me on quite a few outings to the local bars, as I admittedly went on a bit of an alcoholic phase for about a week. Nonetheless Vinyl proved to be quite entertaining, even in my drunken stupor, more so because she reminded me so much of a friend I had long ago back in high school. Her and I bonded pretty quickly, as she had a great sense of humor and her sarcasm and wit kept my mind on its brainy toes.
By contrast, Octavia was far different. She was a high-class cellist for the Royal Canterlot Symphony, and was well-acquainted with the nobles of the kingdom. Her accent actually made her a bit more intimidating than Vinyl, even though she was quieter and more reserved. I suppose it was because I’d always been a little intimidated by those in power, and even though I didn’t know if she was an important pony, she seemed like it. To my delight however, I quickly found that she could be every bit as rambunctious and wild as Vinyl, simply using her speech style and proper looks to get “in” with the nobility she often worked with. She was manipulative as hell, and for some reason I liked that about her.
I’d first met the two ponies at Pinkie Pie’s “Welcome to Ponyville” party for me, where she invited practically the whole town to mingle. Vinyl was doing her thing at the DJ booth, while Octavia was chatting up Big Mac. The music being played had been to my liking, as it was nearly identical to an older form of electronic music from Earth called “dubstep”. Just like on Earth, it was all the rage for the younger generation, and truth be told, I had always been pretty interested in it. I had a few drinks, and by the end of the night I found myself at Vinyl’s place, slumped on her couch as the three of us talked and laughed the night away.
Looking back, I could easily understand how a pony would think we were friends...I had just been an idiot.
The good thing was that I felt fine now. I figured that I was finally coming to terms with this whole world, now that I didn’t really have a say in the matter of whether I was staying or not. It was liberating in a way to know that I didn’t have to stress about it anymore...and I instead chose to focus on the positive.
As I approached the large white mansion with a certain double eighth-note cutie mark on the front gate, I felt all the positive start to drain away.
There were a few uniformed guards patrolling the premises, but they simply opened the gate for me as I walked. After all, they all knew Vinyl was chummy with me, and it was unlikely another human was going to show up in Equestria so that they had to differentiate between us. Besides, Vinyl’s order of letting the “tall bald dude” in whenever he was around was pretty self-explanatory.
As I stepped up the white stone stairs, I again marveled at the appearance of the home. It was rather out of place with most of Ponyville, where most homes were either living structures (hollowed-out trees) or had thatched roofs. Vinyl’s home, however, was very modern (at least by my standards) and featured greek-style columns with a stone overhang, a shingled roof, and many other things that set it apart from the rest. Because of all this, it was also intimidating, and I suddenly found myself feeling nervous.
“Okay Jamie, just calm down.” I spoke aloud to myself, attempting to calm down. “This is Vinyl. She’s cool, and she wouldn’t hurt you...not badly, anyway. Just go in there, say you’re sorry, and be ready for the shitstorm. You can do this, man...you can-”
“Jamie?”
“GAH!”
I ended up falling backward on my ass, not having realized that while I was talking to myself, the door had opened to reveal a certain cellist pony. Apparently I had been louder than I thought, or else it was just that whole thing with ponies being able to hear better than I imagined.
I dusted myself off and stood, looking to Octavia’s amethyst eyes, which were showing a mixture of surprise and anger...both of which I could figure out the reasons for. “Um, hey Octavia.”
She looked me over for a few moments before saying, “You should come inside.”
Her statement was more of an order than a request from the tone of her voice, so I followed her inside the home without any response, and she gently kicked the door closed behind us. I then followed her to the large living area of the home, which sported a large glass coffee table that was also an aquarium, among other interesting pieces. She then motioned for me to sit on a rather comfortable-looking loveseat, so I did as she said before watching her trot away.
Her behavior just made me more nervous. I hadn’t necessarily known her all that long and neither was I an expert on pony behavior, but I knew that a pony acting differently compared to normal was not a good thing, generally. Usually Octavia was very kind, offering a smile to everyone and anyone, provided they were not rude or cruel. As I had entered the home though, she hadn’t so much as grinned at me, and her voice had taken a very tense tone. True that Octavia was generally more serious than Vinyl was, but she had never been this tense around me before. I supposed I deserved it, but that didn’t make me any less nervous about the whole thing.
“WHAT!?” shouted a familiar voice from upstairs, and I couldn’t help but cringe at the outburst. This was followed by a gallop of hooves across the upstairs room and the stairs, which led to a furious Vinyl tripping over herself as she approached me. Octavia was right beside her, and I can honestly say I’ve never been more afraid of ponies than at that moment.
I winced as I was lifted into the air against my will, and spun upside down until I was looking into a pair of fierce red eyes. “Um...”
“Don’t talk,” Vinyl growled, “you just shut up and listen.” I snapped my mouth shut and nodded, at which point she flipped me back over and set me down on the chair again. “Now I’m not the type of pony to just listen to what everypony else is saying, so I’ll ask you directly. Were you really planning on just leaving without telling us?” I nodded, and I saw the anger in her eyes dissipate a bit, only to be replaced with sadness. “Why?”
The answer that I had originally planned out in my head now became void, because I knew it would just piss her off more, so I opted for self-degradation in an attempt to keep from getting her any more angry. “Because I’m a coward and I didn’t want to have to say goodbye to all of you.”
“That’s not what Rainbow Dash told us.” Octavia countered. “The way she explained it, she made it sound as if you did not consider any of us to be friends.”
I sighed and dropped my head to my hands in annoyance. “I didn’t...or at least I didn’t think I did. I don’t know...”
“How can you not know something like that?” Vinyl asked angrily, and I distinctly avoided her gaze...those red eyes were scary when she was mad.
“Because I wasn’t planning on staying.” I replied quietly, just loud enough to be heard. “I was planning on going home and hopefully forgetting all about this place.”
Vinyl stepped away from me and her anger turned to confusion. “Why? What’s so bad about Equestria?”
I shook my head quickly as I realized where this was heading. “N-nothing! Nothing’s wrong, I promise! It’s just...” I sighed and gestured generally around us. “There’s so much here that’s just myth and legend in my world. On Earth pegasi, unicorns, and dragons don’t exist. In my world, magic isn’t real. In my world, ponies don’t talk...in fact, nothing besides my own kind can talk. It’s just so surreal for me that it’s difficult to process, and I was hoping that if I were to get home, I could just pass it off as a very long, very vivid hallucination.”
Vinyl just stared at me for a few moments before questioning, “So you just wanted to forget about us then?”
I nodded slowly. “That was the idea, yeah.”
Silence ensued as the white-furred DJ stared right back at me. Then, after seemingly an eternity, she turned away and muttered, “Get out.” I opened my mouth to reply, but she shook her head as she turned back to me, her eyes a little glassy. “Don’t, Jamie...just leave. And don’t come back.”
I wasn’t sure why, but her statement hurt more than I thought it should have.
“Vinyl?” Octavia questioned in a very surprised tone, and it became clear that she hadn’t expected her friend to react that way.
Vinyl shook her head as she pointed to the door. “You can go with him if you want to, Tavi...I’m not going to hold it against you. I just don’t want him around anymore.”
“Vinyl...” I began attempting to reason with the upset mare.
She swatted my extended hand away with her hoof, causing pain to shoot through my hand and arm as she glared at me. “I said leave. I’ll call security if I have to.”
I resigned myself to my “fate”, and stood to leave. To my surprise (and admittedly, relief), Octavia stood as well, and followed me as I walked away. Before we exited the room though, she turned back to her friend and said, “I’ll return later tonight, Vinyl.”
“Later, Tavi.” was the response, and with that, we left the home.
As soon as the door closed behind us, Octavia broke the silence between us. “I’m sorry, Jamie. I’m not entirely sure why she’s acting this way, but I’m likely as surprised as you are.”
I shrugged as we passed the guards, and then the gate. “I guess I deserve it. I did say that I didn’t see her as a friend, when it’s quite clear she sees me as one.”
Octavia shook her head. “That’s true, but I don’t understand her reasoning. I expected her to shout in anger or even possibly storm out of the room, but I never expected her to turn her back on you.”
I continued walking towards the main square of Ponyville as I replied, “I turned my back on all the ponies here that showed me kindness, denying them friendship. In honesty, I’m not sure why you’re still around. I appreciate it, I just don’t why.”
“Because I know why you did what you did. Beyond simply understanding, I have personal experience with it.” Octavia explained gently. “Besides that fact, I know that you wouldn’t have done something like that out of malicious intent. We all have issues Jamie, but you’re not a bad person.”
I snorted in frustration. “Good and evil is decided by the masses. So far, I’ve got one pony to hate me. I can only imagine how many more there’ll be by the end of the week, now that I’m staying here.”
“She doesn’t hate you, Jamie.” Octavia insisted.
I chuckled darkly and shook my head as we entered the central park, walking around the fountain. “She told me to leave and not come back. I’m not sure how much more straightforward she could have been with that, other than physically attacking me.”
She shook her head as we came to a stop on a bench next to a tree that was on a hill overlooking the park. “She doesn’t hate you, Jamie...trust me. She’s hurt. She cares for you...truth be told, we all do. What pains her the most is that you were going to leave without so much as a warning or a goodbye. That shows very little concern for another’s feelings no matter where you’re from.”
I nodded. “Yeah. I’ve been kind of a prick, haven’t I?”
Octavia nodded. “Indeed you have. That means you need to work hard to make amends to those you’ve hurt.”
“And you’re not going to let me get out of this, are you?” I questioned, though I already knew the answer.
She smirked and shook her head, her obsidian hair tousling softly. “Of course not. Give Vinyl a few days to cool down, but then you’re going to show up unannounced at the club she’s playing at on Saturday night. Have a few drinks and enjoy yourself, and apologize profusely when the time comes. She will approach you herself, so all you have to do is listen and be sorry.”
“Seems like you know her pretty well.” I commented.
Octavia shrugged with a grin. “My whole life, practically. We might as well be sisters.”
I raised my eyebrow. “Considering the kinds of things that I’ve heard around here, that’s a little creepy.”
She smirked. “Let me guess, everypony thinks we’re lovers, right?”
I nodded. “In simple terms, yes.”
She giggled lightly before turning her eyes back to me. “Simply because two young mares live together does not necessarily mean they are together. No matter how many times we have told the gossipers this, it never seems to abate...so we ignore it. As you will find, ponies will think what they wish, regardless of who tells them differently.”
I shrugged. “Well I’ll know and keep the truth.”
Octavia smiled at me happily. “So long as our friends know the truth, that’s all that matters.” She then clopped her two front hooves together before announcing, “So, here’s what you can expect. She’s going to get you some sort of small gift as an apology for how she’s behaving. Now-”
I waved my hand, interrupting her. “Wait wait wait, she’s going to apologize to me? How does that work?”
She smirked at me. “Matriarchal society, remember?”
I slapped my hand to my forehead with a groan. “Right, I keep forgetting that. I guess this is what being a woman is like.”
Octavia cocked her head curiously. “What do you mean?”
I shrugged. “Well, I’ve been through this type of situation quite a few times, though the roles were reversed. On Earth, it’s a common ‒ and often accurate ‒ stereotype that after an argument, the man always apologizes. It doesn’t matter who’s right or wrong...the man is supposed to apologize. If he doesn’t, he’s ‘in the doghouse’ for quite a long time, which often means getting the cold shoulder and no sex. A cruel and unusual punishment, if ever there was one. See on Earth, girls stick together and tend to paint a picture of the man being an asshole...the guy’s on his own. So trust me when I say this is new for me.”
She pursed her lips as she looked up at me. “Hmm...a rather curious society you have.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, and I think the same thing about yours. Although I guess since I’m officially stuck here, I guess it’s my society now too.”
“Indeed, so get used to being a male.” she answered playfully.
“I thought I was already.” I retorted.
Octavia giggled and nudged me with her shoulder. “You’ll be fine. Just be sure and apologize so that you can mend this non-friendship, and everything will be fine.” I winced a little at the term “non-friendship”, and she just rolled her eyes. “Alright Jamie, I get it. You feel like a jerk for how you acted, but how can you expect to be forgiven by others if you can’t forgive yourself? It’s in the past...forgive yourself for past stupidity, and move on from there.”
I snorted in annoyance. “You make it sound so easy.”
Her expression darkened a bit. “I’ve had a lot of practice. Take it from somepony who knows: you’re not doing yourself or anypony else any favors by hating yourself. It just leads to pain for everypony involved.”
I shrugged. “I’ll forgive myself when Vinyl forgives me.”
Octavia raised her eyebrow. “That’s going the exact opposite of what I just said.”
“Humans are backward in a lot of ways compared to ponies, Octavia.” I replied with a wry grin.
She giggled again. “You’re telling me. Normally a stallion wouldn’t be caught dead on his own, but here you are, strutting around Ponyville completely single.”
I shrugged. “I’m the only one of my kind here, Octavia. It’s not like I have any romantic interests nearby.” Suddenly a shock of sadness and anger shot through me, and I could almost feel the emotions bubbling within me. I must have looked pretty silly, because once I got myself under control, I noticed Octavia staring at me with concern. I waved her off with a simple, “I’m fine.”
We sat down on the bench, and she gently placed a hoof on my knee. “You don’t seem fine, Jamie. You seem like a man who has a heavy heart.”
I shook my head as I dropped my gaze to my lap. “What do you want me to say, Octavia? That it’s all okay? That I’m really ‘just fine’ with being stuck here? I hope you don’t take it personally, because I don’t have anything against ponies, Equestria, or even the planet...I just don’t belong here. There’s so much here that I’m still coming to terms with, and some parts that I would simply like to forget about or not deal with...but now I don’t have a choice. Whether I like it or not, this is my new home, and I have no choice in the matter.” I then looked up into her amethyst gaze and added, “So to be honest, I’m not fine...I’m the furthest thing from fine. I’m scared, I’m depressed, and I have no idea what I’m going to do now.”
And then something happened.
Octavia’s hooves came up and wrapped around my neck as he held herself against me in a hug. Now, I was a little touch-shy with ponies. Sure sometimes an overly-tactile pony would surprise me with a nuzzle or a hug, but overall I tried to avoid it. It just made me feel strange in some way I couldn’t quite explain. But when Octavia hugged me right then...it felt nice. It felt right. It was the first time since coming to Equestria where I didn’t care that it was a little horse that was touching me. All I could feel was soft warmth, a comforting embrace, and concern.
I brought my arms up and gently grasped her arms with my hands, but instead of wrenching them away from me, I held them tight as I rubbed my cheek against the soft fur. Without warning, tears began to fall from my eyes as I again mourned the losses that were thrust upon me ‒ my world, my friends and family, and my life of normality. I wept in fear, in anger, and in sorrow. I hadn’t the chance to let go of the barriers and truly grieve what had been taken from me, but Octavia’s touch had somehow allowed the dam to burst.
Nearly twenty minutes passed since my breakdown, which had lasted almost an hour, but Octavia was still as warm and concerned as ever. She wasn’t sick of me or feeling awkward for having to console a grown man. True that there was a part of me that was screaming at the slight loss in masculinity, but it still felt nice for some reason.
I liked Octavia...she was awesome.
The two of us were just sitting on the bench now, kind of taking in what had just happened. For me, it was the fact that I had related to Octavia like I would another human. It was unforced and natural...and it felt good to have that kind of connection again.
Octavia on the other hand hadn’t changed at all. On her face was the same warm smile, and the same caring eyes. She looked very inviting for a pony (not in a sexual way, mind you). She reminded me of the kind of friend you could tell anything to; the kind of friend that would call you out when you were acting like an idiot (and she had), but also be there for you when the world came crashing down.
This time, when she placed her hoof on my knee and asked if I was going to be alright, I didn’t shy away from the contact. As if a switch had been flipped in my head, the contact felt normal...and nice. I felt shitty when I realized the fact that for the first week of knowing her, I’d simply referred to her in my head as “the little gray horse”, but no more. Now she was simply Octavia...a friend.
Yes...that word sounded right now.
I reached my hand out and grasped her hoof, which was still on my knee, and squeezed it gently. “I just want to say thank you, Octavia...you really helped me out today.”
Her smile seemed to grow just a bit larger as she replied, “Anytime, Jamie...I mean it. Don’t be afraid to talk to me. I’m always here for you.”
As I released her hoof and she pulled it away, I added, “You know, I never really had a friend like you back on Earth...someone I could just talk to. Seems everyone always wanted something from me or wanted me to do something for them.”
Octavia shrugged gently, a gesture I found ponies could only do when their front hooves were free. “There are ponies like that here as well, mostly in the metropolitan areas like Canterlot or Manehattan.”
I raised my eyebrow at her statement. “But you’re from Manehattan.”
She grinned and nodded. “I am, and that’s why I aim to be different. Ponyville is far too nice a place to have that sort of outlook on life about other ponies, so I try to be more friendly and less needy. It tends to work out better in the long run.” She then looked up at the sky and frowned. “Hmm...it’s getting late, and Vinyl has a show tonight.” Octavia turned back to me and said, “Saturday night at the Pipeworks. Make sure you’re there...and wear something trendy.”
I smiled and nodded. “I’ll see if I can get Twilight’s friend Rarity to make me something in exchange for work.” As she got up to leave, I stopped her with a hand to her withers (a “neutral” area for ponies). “Octavia, I just wanted to say thank you again.”
She smiled gently and nodded. “I’m always here for you, Jamie. You’re not alone...always remember that.” She then turned curtly and trotted away, her styled mane bouncing softly as she did so.
I looked to the sky as she trotted away and noticed that the sun was nearly at the horizon to the west (which meant it was likely around 6:00p.m.), so I stood and flexed my aching right hand before turning north and heading towards the library.
The streets had been clearing out as I made my way back to Twilight’s home, so luckily I didn’t need to speak to any ponies on the way there, and when I entered the tree library (tree-brary?) I was pleased to smell what could only be Spike’s popular spinach, cucumber, and tomato salad. It was true that the lack of readily-available meat bothered me, but I wasn’t the one buying the groceries, so I didn’t complain. Besides, I hated to admit it, but the vegetables here tasted much fresher and better than any I’d had on Earth...so for the most part, the lack of meat every day could be ignored.
“Jamie! I’ve got it!” I heard Twilight exclaim as she galloped over to me excitedly from her desk.
I had to fight to keep from laughing at just how cute it looked when she was excited like that, which meant I also had to fight from petting and rubbing her fur like a cute puppy...that wouldn’t have gone over well.
Instead, I chuckled a bit as I said, “What is it? You seem awfully excited about something.”
She nodded rapidly as she skidded to a stop in front of me. “I am! I figured out what you can do!”
I raised my eyebrows in surprise and nodded. “Okay, shoot.”
She held up a picture of a white stallion with cyan eyes covered in golden armor, with a roman helmet and a blue star on the chest of the armor. “You can be an Equestrian guard!”
One of my eyebrows fell as I stared at Twilight skeptically. “Umm...you do know I’m not a pony, right? That means that I’m not as strong as one, as fast as one, and I can’t fly or do magic. Why would the guard want me?” I didn’t necessarily have a problem with being a soldier, but I just didn’t see it as a good idea.
Twilight wasn’t deterred as she continued smiling. “That might be true, but you have some things that ponies don’t. For example, you are capable of holding two weapons without the use of magic, you can see better than a pony, and you have the potential to be more agile. Also, you have ways of fighting that no pony ever could.”
I shook my head. “My kind might be good at war Twilight, but I’ve never personally fought in one. I mean look at me,” I gestured to myself, “I’m not a fat dude anymore, but I’m also not the picture of human strength either. I wouldn’t last five seconds in a fight with a pony...even a unicorn is stronger than I am. No offense.”
She waved my response off and said, “Ponies are much like the horses of your world...they are a prey species. We aren’t made to attack, but rather to defend. We can fight, but we aren’t necessarily good at it. With the way you get around on only two legs, you have the ability to be far greater a threat than a normal Earth pony ever could.”
“I’m not sure being a threat would be a good thing, Twilight.” I responded, absentmindedly licking my canines. “Your princess made it pretty clear that you all would be keeping an eye on me, and I’d rather not be something that is a threat to your way of life. I know your princess is nice and everything, but she’s also got to protect her people.”
Twilight rolled her eyes with a smile. “The princess trusts you as much as any of us, Jamie. I mean, if you’d really wanted to cause trouble, you could have done so many times. You live in a town where hardly anypony locks their doors, little fillies and colts run free, and where six of the most influential residents trust you. If you’d wanted to do something bad, you could have...but you didn’t. That’s what counts.” She then shrugged. “And if actually fighting isn’t really your thing, you can always be a part of the auxiliary guard. You show up one weekend a month after training camp, and only fight if they need you. I’m only recommending this because I think you’d be good at it, Jamie...I have other options, I just think this would be the best one for you.”
I thought about it for a few seconds before sighing and waving my hand away. “Let’s put that on the back-burner for now. What else ya got?”
Twilight sighed and looked over a scroll she rolled out in front of her before looking back up and saying, “Well, there’s a request for a masseur at the Sleeping Dragon Spa. Yet another thing I think you’d be good at, because your fingers are far more dexterous than hooves.”
I thought again about the job. I didn’t really see an issue with the job itself, as during my college years, I’d volunteered at a veterinary hospital that specialized in holistic care. The treatments generally were for pets that were older, focusing on improving the quality of life rather than prolonging it. This meant I gave a great number of massages to pets (mostly dogs) in order to relax them and alleviate whatever pain they might be in. I expected as far as the physical aspect, there wouldn’t be that much of a difference with ponies. The only difference was that ponies would be able to tell me what they did or didn’t like. I realized that might actually make the job easier.
I bobbed my head a few times before shrugging. “Hmm...maybe. What else did you come up with?”
She squinted at the paper and began reading. “Umm...public sewage worker, waste collection services, community undertaker...” Twilight sighed as she looked up at me. “I understand those aren’t the most attractive jobs, but somepony needs to do them, and after the first two, those were all I could think of that you could do.”
I just stared at Twilight for a moment as I processed them, then sighed and hung my head. “I guess I’ll be becoming a masseur then.”
“Great!” Twilight exclaimed, a little too happily to be honest. “You’re to meet with the twin proprietors of the spa, Aloe and Lotus Blossom, at 7:00a.m. on Saturday. You can expect them to ask you to demonstrate so they can know how you work, and then they’ll ask you some questions about yourself. Nothing too invasive, I promise.”
I looked up at Twilight and nodded. “Alright then. What should I wear? I’ve got a few outfits that your friend Rarity made for me, but I’m unsure what would be appropriate.”
“You should look professional without being too flashy, so I would recommend something you’d normally wear to a job interview.” Twilight explained.
I remembered a simple navy blue suit with a red tie that Rarity had made for me and smiled. “Cool...I’ve got just the thing.”
Twilight’s smile brightened. “Great! So, with that out of the way, how was the rest of your day?”
As memories of the day came flooding back to me, I slumped a bit. “It was okay for the most part. Applejack and Rainbow Dash forgave me, as did Octavia...but Vinyl told me to never come and see her again.”
Silence reigned for a few moments before Twilight said, “Jamie, I’m sorry. I know she was your friend.”
I chuckled darkly. “That’s just the thing, Twilight. I told her that I hadn’t thought of her as my friend...that I had planned to just leave and forget all about this place.”
She raised her eyebrow as she brought a hoof to her chin. “That still doesn’t sound like Vinyl to just turn you away like that. I mean, Pinkie knows her better than I do, but she doesn’t seem like the type to just turn away from somepony she cares about.”
Anger started to well up within me for some reason, and I had to fight it down before responding. “Well I didn’t seem like the kind of person to just look the other way when all you ponies were helping and caring for me, did I? But I was completely ready to do that. If life has taught me anything, it’s to expect the unexpected. I forgot that when I first came here...I never expected that I would not be able to return home. I forgot that a second time when I never expected Vinyl to react like she did. I knew she’d be pissed, but I thought she’d forgive me. Octavia thinks that in a few days I should try again, but I’m not sure.”
When I looked up, I saw Twilight staring at me. “Jamie, are you feeling okay?”
I shrugged. “About as well as I can be, why?”
Without another word, her horn began to glow for a moment and I felt a strange tingling sensation all over my body. Suddenly it stopped, and the glowing on Twilight’s horn increased. She frowned sadly at me as she closed her eyes. “I’m sorry for this, Jamie...”
I cocked my eyebrow. “Sorry for wha-”