Chapter 17: The Great Apple Robbery
"And you're sure your little bunny boy can watch over Tank?" Rainbow Dash asked. The other pegasus giggled and nodded to her as she shut the cottage door.
"Angel always watches over the other animals while I'm away. Even makes sure I do some things correctly when I overreact to some things. He's the best helper ever. Why I can't count the number of times he's kept me on track. In fact I'm pretty sure that he'd sometimes play with Tank back before he went with you."
"Oh well that's good then I guess," Rainbow Dash muttered not knowing whether to be thankful or disturbed by Fluttershy's understanding of the animal society. Fluttershy squeaked a smile out as she locked the door of the cottage.
"And it's good to see that you two have developed such a bond," she told the blue pegasus, "You really care for the little guy." Rainbow Dash's head jolted up at the statement.
"No I don't!" she exclaimed as a crimson hue overtook her face. The less socially-adept pony looked at Rainbow Dash in a mixture of worry and confusion. "L-let the little guy rot for all I care. He'd deserve it for making the storm last so long as it did the other day!"
"Tank caused it to take that long?" Fluttershy rubbed her ears to make sure she'd heard the claim correctly.
"O-of course he did! Little pest wouldn't leave me alone and caused me to...it's his fault, not mine! Now we gonna get going or what?" Rainbow Dash put her front hooves on her hips now that she was flying in the air. As usual an annoyed expression graced her face when discussing something she'd rather not be dealing with. Fluttershy's one was quite a bit different with an unsure smile. She may not have been too used to socializing but she did know Rainbow Dash.
"Oh Dashie, it's not a bad thing to care about your pet," Fluttershy laughed lightly.
"I don't care about him!" the more energetic pony's blush returned full force, "Now if you don't come on I'm leaving ya!"
"...you're the one that asked me to go in the first place..." Fluttershy pointed out. A chill wind blew past them yanking away any sense of dignity and composure that Rainbow Dash might have had with it.
"...just shut up..." Rainbow Dash muttered. Fluttershy smiled knowing that she had bested her friend and floated as quickly as possible after the blue pony. Neither of them looked back to see the blue unicorn that popped out from behind the timid one's dwelling. Slowly Trixie began to unlock the cottage's front door.
---
As the smoke flooding from the front of the train began to clear the shape of three ponies could be seen standing in front of the vehicle. It wasn't long before it sped off again leaving them coughing in its wake. But other than the mild irritation the trio was rather content. They'd reached their destination without delays of any sort. And the setting that lay before them was one that two of them had wanted to spend more time in the last time they'd visited. Unfortunately, just like it had been the time before, the group was there for business rather than simple personal amusement.
"I'm mighty thankful you gals decided to help out. But really, I'm sure we don't need all that much assistance," Applejack told them.
"It's no trouble," Twilight assured her.
"Yeah! Besides, we needed a break from her and Spike being together all the time when they're onscreen after last chapter," Pinkie Pie added. Both Twilight and Applejack rolled their eyes upon hearing the fourth wall breaker's comment.
"Anyhow," the orange earth pony diverted the conversation, "Guess we better get on down to Braeburn and see what all the damage is. I'm a mite surprised he weren't here to welcome us after last time."
"Now who's saying I'm not?" another countryish voice asked turning all heads to the side. Standing there with a huge smile on his face was Applejack's cousin. "Welcome to Appleloosa!" he hollered and rushed over to the group, "Care to take the tour arou-"
"Did that last time," Applejack reminded hesitantly, "Though I wouldn't mind checking up Bloomberg while we're here..."
"Well we couldn't do the tour even if ya wanted," Braeburn sighed. Dullness in his walk, the male pony trotted over to where the train had been and looked out across the dry land beyond. It may have been bare, but it certainly brought some soothing to the ordeal that his town was now ensnared in. And somewhere out there over the horizon the buffalo tribe were certainly fairing much better in attitude for the time being. Part of him wishes he could have been one of their's instead every now and then. "All the other folk are caught up in a war against those damn trespassers..." he muttered.
"Oh believe me, when they see us they'll be run out of town in no time flat," Applejack assured him confidently. The trio was a bit surprised to hear the sigh he gave.
"I wish I could believe that cuz, but this just ain't some normal machine they're luggin' around," Braeburn told them, "Them Flim Flam guys are pretty darn near unbeatable. Their machine sucks up all our apples before we can even get to a single tree!"
"I don't see what the problem is," Twilight interjected, "I mean you guys are an apple community right? Why would you even consider buying cider from those crooks when you can do it yourselves?" Braeburn turned around and squinted his eyes.
"You gals don't know do ya?..." he muttered. Pinkie Pie, Applejack, and Twilight looked between each other.
"You guys are competing against their machine to see who's better at doin' cider ain't ya?" Applejack asked, "That's what we did when they done came on down to Ponyville. And we only had nine ponies against em. A whole town should be able to handle em with their hooves tied up!" Braeburn laughed a bit at the thought.
"Oh you..." his voice lowered as he talked, "...no...that's not the situation. When I told you we all had them Flim Flams as our problem I didn't mean no duel or nothin'. Those guys are STEALING our apples for this shiny newfangled device they have! No matter what we do they're either just too fast or durable to stop. That's why I asked for your help." With each passing second the newcomers' faces winced and cringed more and more. They could beat them in a contest no problem, but none of them thought the duo would stoop to actual crime. They seemed too...sophisticated for that.
"If you done wanna wait for the next train to take you on back to Ponyville then I don't blame ya," Braeburn sighed, "Sorry to waste you alls' time." Applejack zoomed in front of her cousin just as he began to walk away grinding him to a stop.
"Now just you wait here one gosh darn minute," she ordered, "We didn't come all the way down here just to head back. These guys are horsin' around with my kin and I ain't gonna just let that slide, ya hear? Sides', I ain't leaving until I've rowdied on down and visited ol' Bloomberg! You lot best be treatin' him with respect!" Braeburn's face was one of relief and sympathy from the loud announcement that his cousin had made.
"Applejack, you know how we treat our trees," he ruffled her mane causing her to grunt, "And thank Celesia! We need all the help we can get!"
"Why not ask the buffalo?" Pinkie Pie suggested. Braeburn's pupils shrank at the thought.
"Well ya see, the buffalo might not be attackin' anymore but there's still some strain amongst our folk and their's..." Braeburn kicked the ground nervously. Had Twilight or Applejack payed attention to Pinkie Pie's growing smile their faces would've been those of curiosity.
"Then you're available?" Pinkie Pie asked. The question literally made the colt jolt upwards.
"What?!" both he and Applejack exclaimed while Twilight simply gave an astonished look. Pinkie Pie just continued to smile.
"We probably don't need to spend anymore time focused on us right now. Why don't the readers look into what the Cutie Mark Crusaders are up to? I mean they weren't even in the last chapter," she suggested.
---
Scootaloo yawned lazily. It'd been a rather boring day even after the other two had gotten to the tree house. Sure they'd worked on a few ways to get their cutie marks. But as usual it amounted to nothing in the end. The results were always the same. Cuts and bruises. Fortunately Apple Bloom was able to snag some more stuff off of Zecora just in case of emergency the last time they'd seen the zebra. Scootaloo didn't know why, but the foreigner always just gave her the creeps no matter what side she was on. Whether it be her weird way of talking or the smell of her hut or just the oddity of the resident herself, Zecora sent shivers of uneasiness throughout the filly.
"Whatcha think about this one?" Sweetie Belle asked. More out of lack of anything to do than anything else, Scootaloo yawned again and inspected the sheet of paper that her friend had produced. On it was what one could only call a scribbled mess. Scootaloo looked at the happy unicorn and cocked a brow instantly dropping Sweetie Belle's cheerful demeanor.
"We need the design to look good," the pegasus practically spat turning towards the mannequin that they'd abducted from Rarity's Boutique shortly after the whole flooding Ponyville with clothing incident. The simple rag that the older pony had made certainly had turned out to be a lot better than any of the fillies had expected, but that in no way meant that they were giving up on the dress they had been attempting to make that night. It might not have been the most enjoyable thing in the world, but if it was what would get them their Cutie Marks then they absolutely needed to try it out.
And so far things were coming along better than expected. They'd snuck away all the cloth they needed, but the Cutie Mark Crusaders were stuck at an stalemate. What should they have the dress turn into? What should have been a normal easy-to-solve question had transformed into a good week-long debate and argument with each pony giving various designs, descriptions, and even bringing in models they'd created.
"I still say it should be covered in apples!" the yellow filly remarked from the mannequin's side, "Everypony loves apples!" Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo both shook their heads.
"Needs to be glittery!" Sweetie Belle declared.
"Or rainbow colored," Scootaloo suggested. Now Apple Bloom took the pegasus' place in sharing Sweetie's expression.
"That would look awful," Sweetie Belle flatly stated. In seconds Scootaloo had pinned her to the ground.
"What do you know? It'd look beautiful!" Scootaloo growled.
"Yeah, maybe to Rainbow Dash fangirls," Apple Bloom agreed. In moments the clubhouse was caught up in another disagreeing frenzy of dust clouds and injuring fillies. Thankfully Apple Bloom had another batch of the healing potion ready. It truly was good to have a white mage.
---
Spike was almost flung clean off of Twilight's bed from the rumble that shook the tree.
"Whoa!" he cried clinging onto the covers for what felt like dear life. He knew that he should be up and about tending to the various chores that Twilight had left him in charge of in her absence, but what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her. Besides he deserved the free time to rest. Aside from that most of the stuff she'd listed had been the usual trivial normal daily things that he normally did. He swore that he must have seen "breathing" as a chore at least three times within ten other words from each other.
Once he'd managed to make his way back onto the mattress safely, the baby dragon crawled over to the other side and slid down. The crash had come from downstairs. Just in case of the yet-to-be-encountered hostile intruder, Spike breathed out a little bit of flame to see just how much he had to generate currently. Sufficed to say it was more than enough as it roasted the wooden wall outside of Twilight's bedroom. Just another thing he'd have to patch up before she got back. But it'd be worth the price if it was to fight back some robber or bandit. A bit more eager than he probably should have been the lizard slid down the stairs as stealthily as possible and peered into the main lobby of the library. It definitely was a mess. But there was something else in there other than just books. Something was...moving underneath a pile of them.
"Hey Twilight!" Rainbow Dash called erupting from the mound leaving a shaky Fluttershy shuddering in the remains of the impact site, "Sorry bout the mess but...Twilight? Ya here?..."
"Didn't you guys know she was headed to Appleloosa with Pinkie Pie and Applejack?" Spike's voice got their attention. Her face now one of defeat, Rainbow Dash muttered something under her breath and drifted back to the ground. Fluttershy was in much lighter spirits, as to be expected.
"What's up?" Spike asked finally getting to the ground floor, "I can probably get you any book you're after if that's the problem."
"I don't think the author even knows what the problem is yet," Fluttershy confessed her thoughts. Rainbow Dash shot her a somewhat distasteful look and turned her attention back to Spike.
"Well while it is true that the author didn't know what kind of plot he was making, I now do," she boasted lifting triumphantly in the air, "He had a whole day after jotting down what Fluttershy said to come up with something." Fluttershy and Spike both stared at the rainbow-maned pegasus for a second or two.
"...so what is it?..." Spike persisted. Casually Rainbow Dash drifted over to him and landed.
"We!..." she started. A good ten seconds or so passed in utter silence allowing Fluttershy and Spike to eye each other uneasily.
"...yes?..." Spike waved his hand signalling to continue.
"Sheesh, you guys just don't know how to build drama," Rainbow Dash scoffed.
"After your little story Discord let you give I'm surprised you know how," Spike muttered causing Fluttershy to let out a few giggles. Rainbow Dash scrunched her snout and rolled her eyes. "Just call em as I see em," the dragon shrugged inciting even more reactions from the pegasi.
"Anyhow..." Rainbow Dash growled through clenched teeth, "We're here because...because..." The pony's eye twitched as though she were finding it hard to figure out just what it was she was trying to say.
"...you okay?..." Spike was unsure whether he should be asking the question or not.
"...god damn it why hasn't the author thought up a reason for me and Fluttershy to be in the story yet!" Rainbow Dash seethed, "I mean I even go through the effort of backing him up claiming that he's made up a reason and he still can't think up crap! What the hell? Give me something to work with!" The author gave a rather nervous laugh and bit his lip from the reaction of the character he was supposed to be giving purpose to and twiddled his thumbs. In an attempt to buy more time he decided to switch to some other characters and see what they were up to.
"Oh you son of a-"
---
"And that is why we are not giving back the apples," the mustached pony told the group. Angrily, Applejack stamped her hoof and started approaching the two swindlers.
"Oh my I do believe we've upset the poor lass," the other brother chuckled.
"Indeed I'm sure we have," the mustached one agreed. Casually he strolled forward to meet up with their prior enemy and bent his head down to look her in the eyes. From where he was standing she could easily leap up and start making a fuss with him. But the violence would likely only escalate the catastrophe they'd engulfed Appleloosa in. The last thing that Flim and Flam needed was more provoking. Sure they might be given a bruise here and there but in the longrun it'd only serve to fuel their reasoning for tormenting the settlers. They were Applejack's family after all.
"Now, unless you can think up a good reason why we should give back the apples I suggest you take a hike kiddo," Flam said daring to rub his hoof into the earth pony's hat. Unable to restrain herself any longer, Applejack snapped forth and bit at the appendage. Fortunately for the unicorn he yanked his leg back just in time, his grin never fading.
"Now you see here! This here town's trees are theirs, not yours! Now it don't matter none if you're given permission to use them like back in our contest but don't you dare go about stealing! That's just low down and dirty ya hear?" Flam turned to his brother and they both burst out in laughter.
"Maybe that might sound threatening from a pony that actually talked with correct grammar," Flim managed through his cackling, "But you little missy have lots to learn about business. Not everything in the world is just fair game. If it ain't good for business it don't belong. And being broke ain't good for business now is it? When we get to the next town we need to have enough of those succulent fruits ready to press into cider for the whole populous. And we're going to have those apples. With or without your cooperation. Kapeesh?" Twilight and Braeburn had to physically hold the orange pony back to keep her from attacking the two swindlers. Braeburn fully understood her feelings though. He too was pretty tempted to just let her loose. But he'd seen what the brothers were capable of. It was for the best to restrain her.
"Then it be war..." Applejack glared. The brothers gave another round of laughter much to the newcomers' surprise.
"Oh ho ho, yes do try," Flim wiped a tear from his eye.
"I take it you haven't been filled in on what all the pathetic attempts the ponies around here have tried to do to run us out of town," Flam assumed. Now it was Braeburn's turn to feel the sheer spite towards the two intruders. It didn't last much longer though. Without a care in the world the two turned towards a machine behind them and their horns began to glow.
"Tata for now," Flim said.
"Can't wait to see what you come up with," Flam added. Before any of the ponies could get another word or action in, they were all flung high into the sky from the blast the machine the brothers had activated shot at them. With a loud crash they splattered comically back on the ground a good mile away from the base that Flim and Flam had set up. Thankfully a few trees had had their branches out to break their fall a bit.
"That was awesome! Let's do it again!" Pinkie Pie cheered only to fall over a second after hopping back up. Worried and distraught looks hung on everyone else's faces, most notably on the two apple-based ponies.
"Well Twilight..." Applejack sighed, "What's the plan?..."
---
"So am I, still waiting..." Rainbow Dash sighed.
"For this world to stop hatin'," Spike sang afterwards prompting another to take it up.
"Can't find a good reason," Fluttershy continued.
"Can't find hope to believe in," Rainbow Dash finished with a weak smile. The group couldn't help but let out a round of laughter once their little communion of singing had ended.
"No but seriously..." Rainbow Dash said a bit dismally as her humor came to an end, "Are we seriously just gonna be sitting around here all day as something to give pacing between the others' adventure in Appleland since the author didn't come into this chapter prepared for what to do with the other characters?" Fluttershy and Spike thought for a moment. Even they had to admit the peacefulness was rather boring. "I say we take action!" Rainbow Dash pounded her hooves together causing the other two to jump a bit, "So what if the author sucks ass? We still can do stuff!"
"Like what?" Fluttershy asked. Rainbow Dash tapped her chin. They had a whole chapter to waste, but she wanted something thought up as soon as possible. The anticipation would be the death of her if she had to sit around doing nothing in the tree any longer.
"We are going to..." she started. Spike and Fluttershy edged towards her eagerly. But nothing came. All her mind drew was a blank. One continuous blank. She wasn't the one of the group that was usually having to come up with plans. So she said the first thing that popped into her mind. "...pull the biggest prank on Ponyville!" The other two occupants' eyes grew a bit and glanced at each other uneasily. They knew how good Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash were at their pranks. But pranking all of Ponyville?
"Now let's get started," Rainbow Dash rubbed her hooves together mischievously.
---
"So then, that's the quiet one down..." Trixie muttered rubbing her butt. It still stung from the injuries she'd received from Fluttershy's little demon rabbit. But at least she'd gotten done what she needed to there. It was a good start. And from what she'd heard the "country" one was out of town as well. That's how she found herself standing in front of Applejack's house. As boldly as she'd performed at her shows, the magician rapped her hoof on the door loudly. A spell of silence passed and she repeated the action. Receiving no response of any sort again, the unicorn simply pressed harder against the door and flung it open. Then jumped back in fright.
Swaying there in a rocking chair before her was an elderly green pony. Obviously Applejack's ancestor of some sort. Trixie was about to turn tail and run when she realized something. The only movements that the elderly pony was performing were vibrating up and down. Upon further inspection she noticed that the eyes were also closed. She was asleep! Wiping the sweat from her brow, Trixie walked as quietly as possible into the first floor of the dwelling and began searching for a way to the basement.
In retrospect Trixie was a bit surprised she hadn't thought of the revenge plan sooner. She knew she still had some residual power left over from the abilities that Discord had enhanced her with, but she'd never actually thought of making an actual effective object with her newer magic. Now though she had. All she needed now was to put the devices in place and when the time came, all of them would get it. All at once. Her revenge complete on the little group of ponies that probably belonged in an insane asylum more than anypony else at times. But what she had in store would ensure that none of them would bother her ever again!
"Eehh, can we help you?..." a dull voice asked. Trixie's brows jolted up beyond the top of her head before her pupils slowly slid towards the side of her face. Standing behind her was a much bigger male red pony who was a bit skeptical of the intruder to say the least.
"Why, er, um, yes. I the great and-er-Trixie am here with something I would like to sell to you kind folk," the blue pony lied as cooly as possible, "I was going to talk to the owner but she seemed asleep so I was checking around for anypony else to make the presentation to..."
"Ask her if she wants some pie!" Granny Smith, now apparently awake, hollered from the other room surprising both Big Macintosh and Trixie. The red pony escorted the rather uneasy unicorn back into the living room and sat her down on the couch. "Why hello there!" Granny Smith greeted with more enthusiasm than anyone Trixie had seen even close to her age, "What brings you on down to Sweet Apple Acres?" Trixie's eyes went to her head hesitantly.
"Why I just wanted to see if you folks would be interested in this new device I have to offer," the showoff selected her words as quickly as she could. Big Mac kept a stern face, but his elder's shifted to one of confusion and a bit of wonder from the fear the object that was produced emitted. From a cloud of magic Trixie dropped a glowing red diamond-shaped letter M onto the table in front of her. The power that seeped out of it graced her lips with a rather wicked grin for a moment.
"...what is it?..." Granny Smith asked cautiously. Hastily Trixie shook off the ecstasy.
"Why can't you tell?" Trixie asked, "It's a, uh, crop producer...enhancer...izer. Makes any crop you want, from apple trees to corn grow faster than ever! Just plant the seeds and this puppy does the rest. But it has to be kept underground in a cellar or something where other ponies can't find it and run off with it. If it's above ground it can't work its way into the soil and stuff." Big Macintosh grimaced at the device. Even he was beginning to feel a bit ill from it.
"I dunno...we do things mighty traditionally around these parts..." Granny Smith eyed the contraption carefully.
"I'll throw in a free batch of test seeds that'll react to it first and within five days or your money back," Trixie told her.
"Let's give it a shot!"
---
"Now have you even tried asking the buffalo for help?" Twilight asked. The sheriff's dulled face just continued to hang how it was. Nothing ever seemed to change it. "I mean yeah, it's good that you put up resistance and all...but pies are not going to get the job done, especially with the kind of equipment these two are lugging around. What we need is more physical force. The buffalo can give that!"
"Twilight...we haven't seen the buffalo come by here ever since these two have shown up," Braeburn answered, "We haven't even gotten the chance to ask for help."
"Hold on a second," Pinkie Pie said. To everyone's shock she grabbed Braeburn by the cheeks and mashed her lips against his. The only pony that didn't give a reaction was the sheriff. Twilight was the first to recover giving her the chance to see Applejack's open jaw which was now practically on the ground. Once Pinkie had finally decided to pull away she smiled leaving the male pony with his eyes two different sizes as his mind tried to wrap around just what had happened.
"...Pinkie Pie...what the hell?!" Applejack yelled after finally coming back to her senses, "I mean I know you is perhaps the most random pony I've ever come across, but gosh darnit that was just outta fuckin' nowhere!"
"Oh you should have all seen the looks on your faces," Pinkie Pie giggled and turned back to Braeburn to whisper in his ear, "Call me." Seeming satisfied with how thoroughly she'd affected the group, the crazed party animal pranced off towards the other inhabitants of Appleloosa to help with the pie making. The remaining girls approached Braeburn in an attempt to get him to respond in his now petrified state.
"Uh...you okay Brae?..." Applejack poked.
"...my mouth tastes...sweeter than any caramel apple I've ever had..." he said slowly prompting a sympathetic smile from Twilight. Applejack on the other hoof didn't know what she should say to Pinkie Pie the next time she saw her. The energetic pony's action had caused quite the muddling in her emotions.
"So, you think you can take down these Flim Flam guys?" the sheriff brought the group's attention back to the matter at hand. Twilight looked to the sky in thought.
"What all do you know about their little operation here?" she asked.
"Well, they'll have all the apples they need in an hour or so from what I've heard," Braeburn told her.
"Then they gonna make haste and leave town...for now..." the sheriff sighed. Twilight's eyes narrowed. The solution was coming together.
"Alright, Sheriff, have the inhabitants block off all ways out of town," Twilight ordered, "Appeljack, your with me in tracking those two criminals. And Braeburn, do you know where the buffalo are located?"
"Well shucks course-"
"I do!" Pinkie Pie suddenly popped out from behind him causing everyone to jump.
"Good," Twilight nodded, "You two'll go check up on them and see if they can-"
"Whoa! Hold up there!" Applejack dashed between Twilight and the others, "Pinkie, we need to-"
"No time for that," Twilight said, "If Flim and Flam are leaving this quick then we gotta act as fast as possible. Think you two can get out there?"
"Well I dun-"
"Of course!" Pinkie saluted and grabbed the colt by the throat. In an instant they were off into the horizon beyond the town. Once the sheriff had left to check up on his forces, Twilight trotted off into the apple fields with Applejack to carry out their part of the mission.
"I hold no responsibility if Braeburn comes back traumatized," the orange pony muttered.
---
"So you need what now?" Rarity asked.
"Glitter!" Rainbow Dash repeated loudly, "Tons and tons of glitter!" The excited pegasus backed the fashionista up quite a bit with each press she made towards her in her shouting. "Mayor Mayer won't know what hit her when it all comes together! It'll be the ultimate prank! Oh, Pinkie Pie'll be so jealous!" Fluttershy bit her lip. Maybe she should have stayed at home. Sure Rainbow Dash seemed a lot happier now that she was doing something, but if there was one thing she had learned over the years it was that when she was happy something bad would probably end up happening.
"Right..." Rarity nodded. Of course she had no problem sharing her materials, especially with a pony that needed them so badly, but the one in question was usually one she was more skeptical about. Especially when it came to the pranks she'd sometimes pulled. The unicorn could've sworn that she'd gotten a few hairs out of place the last time she was a victim of one of the mischievous occurrences that Rainbow Dash so loved to enthrall herself in. "I'll be back in just a-"
"Got it," Spike bounced up to the unicorn. Rarity looked down. Sure enough the contents that Rainbow Dash had requested were in his claws. Smiling, Rarity bent down, gave the dragon a kiss on the cheek, and levitated the items over to her counter. Needless to say, Spike twirled around and fell back on the floor from the peck he received. Rarity had to admit, the young dragon certainly was quite the assistant for whenever his friends needed things done. Her in particular. This came as no surprise though after they'd narrowly avoided certain death when Spike had transformed into his large monstrous form.
"Alright...so what is this prank you got planned?..." Rarity gulped as she filed away the money that Rainbow Dash displayed. With a giggling fascination, Rainbow Dash rubbed her hooves together once more and bent over the glitter. Just to be careful, the unicorn took a few steps back leaving the rather reluctant Fluttershy to fall prey to Rainbow Dash's insidious explanation. "Enthralled isn't she?" Rarity whispered to the recovering lizard.
"Like you wouldn't believe," Spike huffed, "Can't say I blame her though. Came into the story without the author even having anything thought out for her to do."
"Oh my, I do hate when that happens," Rarity agreed, "At least the author doesn't just throw me in for no reason whenever it's focusing on you and Twilight. That'd just ruin any potential of my character if I'm just another stock pony." Spike moreso just listened to the sound of the pony's voice rather than what she was actually saying. The very echo of it soothed his nerves. Everything about her was just incredible to take in any time he had the chance to be around her. Without any thought to it, Spike slid over and leaned against the white body of the beautiful being. Happiness flowed through him as Rarity slid her front leg around his neck. Spike would've continued with his instincts when he remembered who he was supposed to be with.
"Hey Rarity..." he swooned a bit earning a bright smile from the incredulous mare. It was near impossible to talk when she looked at him so adoringly. But he had to. For his sake if nothing else. "Um...if I'm supposed to be with Twilight...don't know if you realize that you're doing this or not...but um...why are you being so...sweet towards me?" Rarity stiffled a laugh and nuzzled her cheek into Spike's head causing him to blush rather violently.
"Why deary, I'm supposed to do this. Provides conflict emotionally for you and Twilight so that the reader doesn't get too bored with the stuff that actually matters in the story," she cooed, "Just the sign of a bad author in this case not knowing how to make a pairing that he likes interesting. A scapegoat to grab more views really."
"Stupid general audience..." Spike folded his arms over his chest.
---
For most of the walk through the wilderness the two ponies traveled in silence. Well, one of them tried to keep it that way. Anypony from Ponyville could tell you that it was literally impossible to keep a lid on the one that Braeburn now trotted with. No matter his vain attempts Pinkie Pie would not stop trying to get some form of a word or sentence into the otherwise calm trek. It was...a new experience to say the least.
"And then I said "oatmeal! Are you crazy?"! But either way, we're here now. So, how many mares have you bedded?" What should have just been another question in the endless babble Pinkie Pie spouted out popped out to Braeburn and made him almost trip.
"I'm sorry...what?..." he coughed and rubbed his ear to make sure he'd heard the foreigner correctly.
"How many mares have you bedded," Pinkie repeated gleefully, "It's an easy question. Just gotta tell me how many times you've fuc-"
"I done know what it means!" Braeburn exclaimed to keep her from continuing with any vivid description she might attempt. For the love of Celestia he had no idea what a trip with the pink pony might entail. Now all he wished was that they would reach the buffalo as soon as possible. At least there he could talk to another, much less crazy, female that he could actually tolerate.
"So..." Pinkie's grin stretched from cheek to cheek almost covering her eyeballs.
"No offense, but that ain't none o' your business," Braeburn told her. Disturbingly Pinkie Pie's grin only closed so that the teeth couldn't be seen. It didn't go away as the male had hoped.
"You know, no matter what the numbers are, I can add to them," she winked. Braeburn gulped and kept walking. That is he did until he was pulled around so that he could see the pony again. Her eyelids drooped as she continued to approach leaking sweat down across the male pony's body. Braeburn tried to hasten his backwards walking but Pinkie Pie just kept in the same distance that she'd started to pursue him with. Eventually he did end up tripping and fell onto his back. He didn't need to look at her to tell that Pinkie Pie was standing right over him. But Braeburn wasn't about to give up. Clumsily he crawled backwards on all fours until he hit a rather large rock keeping him crouched beneath Pinkie Pie.
"Look, it's not that you aren't...uh...fun or nothin'," Braeburn fumbled with his words, "But uh...I just ain't ready for this kinda pressure. 'Specially not now with those two criminals robbin' us and al-ah!"
"Oh silly it isn't pressure," Pinkie Pie told him snuggling her face into his chest, "It's fun. Everypony loves fun!..." Braeburn cringed from the affection and struggled with all his strength to break free. But it was no use. Pinkie Pie had him wrapped up tighter than a king cobra would its next meal. If he wanted any chance of seeing if the buffalo could help he'd have to give into her unending adoration.
"I...uh...I gues-"
"Oh look! Buffalos!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed leaping over the rock that Braeburn was pressed up against. He had never breathed such a sigh of relief in his life. Shakily he got back to his hooves and trotted around the edge of the rock to see if they had actually found them. When he did he let out a small gasp.
---
"So, you sure your sister won't mind that we're taking her stuff?..." Apple Bloom asked. She knew how fussy Rarity got towards people that messed around with the things she owned even when it was just a hair out of place that the culprit had bumped something. The anger only seemed to elevate when it was them involved. For one reason or another she just seemed to have this odd vibe that felt as though she always placed suspicion on the Cutie Mark Crusaders. They had no idea why she'd be so wary around them of course. It's not like they ever did anything wrong...other than flooding Ponyville with her clothing. But that was just one accident...along with the golden fabric Sweetie Belle used to make their capes...
"Nah, she'll be fine," Sweetie Belle assured the other two. With renewed confidence, Apple Bloom intensified her walking to keep up with their orange leader. With all the material they'd...borrowed they'd be sure to settle on some design for the dress they were making. If nothing else they'd bought more time before they'd need to scrounge for more supplies. And it wouldn't be too long before they got back to the clubhouse. They had the whole rest of the day ahead of them. Why they'd already reached the tree that Spike and Twilight lived in!
"Oof!" Scootaloo grunted, "Hey! Watch where you're...hey...you're that Trixie showoff aren't you?" The other two Cutie Mark Crusaders popped out from behind their friend to get a better look at the unicorn that had emerged from Twilight's home. She turned her head to the sky and huffed.
"That's The Great and Powerful Trixie to you!" the magician muttered. Scootaloo just grinned back at her friends and rolled her eyes inciting quite a bit of laughter.
"Do you doubt the Great and Powerful Trixie's abilities after her grand debut here?" she glowered. Scootaloo turned back despite her friend's chuckling.
"Why no, we don't doubt someone that failed to even subdue an Ursa Minor when she'd told us all she'd taken down an Ursa Major," the pegasus sarcastically replied, "You must be powerful with how quickly you ran away..." The giggling only increased the awareness that Trixie had of how drastically her face was contorting from the sly remark. They'd follow her vengeance on the older ponies.
"YOW!" she cried and grabbed her hoof.
"RUN!" Scootaloo ordered. On cue the group dashed off into the streets of Ponyville before Trixie could even so much as touch the filly that had kicked her. The unicorn's eye twitched. Oh they would certainly pay. But she needed to remain focused. She'd seen the white one that she'd given the green mane to leave with the two pegasi and the dragon. That meant that the Carousel Boutique would be quite a snap to break into. Trixie's pained expression turned to a grin as another of the diamond shaped Ms poofed into her clutches.
---
"Alright ponies, we ready?" Twilight asked.
"All's clear on this end," Applejack's voice announced through the walky talky.
"Everything's set up on the east side of town," the sheriff's followed.
"Then they have no way out," the unicorn concluded, "everypony else be ready with your ammunition if you see em coming your way. No way we're letting them out of here!"
"You're darn tootin'!" Applejack cheered followed by hoots and howls from the rest of the crowd she was leading. Satisfied with the response, Twilight clicked off the communicator and waited...and waited...and waited... For what seemed like hours the ponies sat around at the perimeter of the town, one by one drifting off into relaxed and sleeping positions. All the scouts Twilight sent out came back reporting the same thing. After she and Applejack had returned they'd take up the position that the Sheriff had on the other ends of town and dispatched others to fill in for them. No matter the time period though, Flim and Flam were still harvesting the apples from the trees. Until finally one came back reporting that they'd stopped. The machine was on the move towards the edge of town.
"We got em now!" Twilight exclaimed jolting all the other ponies up into defensive positions, "Applejack! Sheriff! Be ready! They're gonna be making their exit!"
"Not if in we have something to say about it!" Applejack declared earning another round of applause from her group.
"Hey Sheriff, any sign of Pinkie Pie or Braeburn yet?" Twilight took the opportunity to ask.
"Nothing but tumbleweed blowin' by here," he replied. Twilight's head tilted downward. She knew that Applejack would be taking the news much more harshly and asked mainly on her behalf. She was sure that Pinkie wasn't capable of doing something too bad to the poor colt... was she?... Either way, they needed to remain focused. And so again the waiting commenced. It seemed to go on for about ten minutes before she finally decided to send a scout out. What was reported back was something that Twilight hadn't expected. The brothers apparently weren't trying to get away. They were just sitting in the town with their contraption. The railroad tracks next to where they were ensured they couldn't just plow out that way. But why weren't they doing anything? Did they know they couldn't get out?
The answer came with a loud blaring horn that swam across the land. Twilight's eyes went wide.
"Applejack! Meet me at the train station righ-"
"Already headed there!" she yelled back. As quickly as her legs would carry her Twilight stormed her group over to the railroad tracks. None of them had counted on a train actually accepting to ship the criminals to another area! But with the changing scenery it soon became clear that such was not the case. From what Twilight could make out it wasn't a train speeding along the tracks at all. At least not a normal one. No this thing was more of a device used to transport heavier equipment along the railroad with the brothers' faces plastered on the side of it as a logo. Even as Twilight and Applejack's groups met up with the sheriff's they could see Flim and Flam turning to grin at them and wave.
"Oh like hell you're gettin' outta here with them apples!" Applejack yelled. Just as she was within grabbing distance of the harvesting machine it zoomed onto the now stopped railroad vehicle and locked into place. With it safely bolted down, the vehicle folded into more of an armored vessel with cannons on each side that wasted no time in firing off blasts at the oncoming herd. Those that weren't knocked to the ground from the force of the impacts fled to the sides of buildings and began firing off their pies in vain at the getaway vehicle. Two ponies remained chasing it however. Their breaths shallow from the pace they needed to keep so as to compete with the wheels of the vehicle, Applejack and Twilight were almost at its rear. But it was gaining speed. Fast. If they didn't catch it now they never would. So they jumped from the boarding platform and reached out to grab onto the end of the vehicle...and missed.
Flim and Flam clacked their hooves together over their victory and slung their legs over the other to enjoy the ride to the next town. They would have too if a loud explosion hadn't rocked their ride a few moments later. Astounded by the noise, Flam peaked out his window and yelped.
"What?" Flim asked pushing his brother to the side to get a view as well. He had a similar reaction. Standing on the top of the vehicle was a rather bitter looking Applejack, lasso in mouth.
"Shoulda stayed with your folks," Flam growled, his horn glowing to activate the cannons. Just before they could fire, another imploded from Twilight's magic who proceeded to rip the remains from their holster and fling them at the brothers causing them to yank their heads back into the vessel.
"Get rid of them!" Flam demanded.
"ME?!" Flim growled, "You're the one that got the bright idea to get the apples from here!" The siblings continued to bicker and yell until they remembered what was at stake.
"Alright, first thing's first," Flim muttered flicking a switch. The windows rolled up and the head of the vehicle lifted upwards on a sturdy cord connecting it to the rest of the vessel. Applejack and Twilight took a few steps back as it turned around to face them, cannon's on each side of the cockpit. "We swat some annoying flies!" Flam finished joyfully. Twilight put up a shield of magic just in the nick of time to counter the firepower that was poured on them. But they couldn't do anything against such force! The brothers simply had too much of an advantage. "And this is for getting us run out of Ponyville..." Flim chuckled. Just as his hoof scraped the surface of the button he was planning to use however, the cockpit rocked. The two looked around the head and shrugged ready to press the button again. This time though the rocking was much worse. The vehicle itself almost tipped over! More worried than angry, Flam peered to the side. His jaw dropped.
"Hey...Flim..." he gulped.
"What!" his brother growled viciously. He'd had enough intrusions for quite a few days. But they weren't over it seemed.
"You know how we uh...locked up all those buffalo right?..." Flim's eye twitched not wanting to look where his lookalike was pointing. Sure enough there was a large herd of them keeping pace with the vehicle and throwing their bodies against it with a yellow and pink pony riding atop them.
"THAT'S IT!" Flim roared. Shoving his brother out of the way the furious pony shifted the view of the cockpit and began unleashing all hell on the herd. What he didn't account for was that, due to the harsher lifestyle that the buffalo lived, they would easily weave in and out of the blasts while the two ponies they escorted, along with a smaller female buffalo, would hop onto the top of the vehicle with Twilight and Applejack.
"Pinkie! If you done got yourself preg-"
"We need to strike now!" the female buffalo drew the group's attention to the cord that connected the segments of the vehicle together. It certainly seemed to be the critical point of the mobile fortress. "My people can't hold them off forever!"
"I got this," Twilight told them, her horn glowing near blindingly. The group braced themselves and a loud shriek shot towards the neck of the vehicle.
"Um Flim..." Flam squeaked.
"What is it no-" Flim began and chanced glancing back at the group atop their vessel, "Oh you mother fuc-" With a loud bang the cockpit snapped clean off of the rest of the vehicle and soared high into the air.
"And I reckon that's for tossin' us around earlier," Applejack spat upon hearing it land in the distance. With the buffalo's help, the vehicle finally rolled to a stop and began the journey back to Appleloosa.
"Thank you so much Little Strongheart," Braeburn hugged the female buffalo causing her to blush, a sensation that he shared with her.
"Always happy to lend a hoof," she returned the embrace, "Especially if it means saving those delicious pies of yours."
"About time someone did more fanfiction supporting you two!" Pinkie Pie stomped, "I mean seriously! The show even has you two give embarrassed flirty looks at each other and you don't even have fifteen fics to your pairing name! What the hell?" The redness only continued to leak across their faces as Pinkie's rant continued.
"Wait a sec...why're you supporin' them?" Applejack shot the crazy pony a suspicious look, "Weren't you hittin' on ol' Braeburn earlier?"
"Oh yeah, but that was just to make you feel all flustered and stuff," Pinkie Pie laughed. Applejack's face now joined her kin's coloring but for a bit of a different reason. "I mean you are the only one of the mane six with available male siblings after all. You gotta feel the shame and embarrassment in fiction anywhere you go. I mean have you seen Rule Thirty-Fo-" Fortunately Twilight made the wise decision to clamp her hooves over Pinkie Pie's mouth. She was just glad she could head back home to Spike after all this craziness.
---
"...so what was the prank supposed to be again?" the dragon asked. Rarity shook her head slowly as they watched the intoxicated blue pegasus dancing on top of the Mayor's building.
"I honestly don't know if I knew what it was to begin with," Rarity muttered.
"Everypony stand back! I got a pillow and I ain't afraid to use it!" Rainbow Dash slurred threatening the crowd below with a bowl of jello, "Hark the herald angel's sing! Glory be to me! Fuck yeah!" With that, the drunk pony fell backwards out of sight of the others below, more than likely unconscious from how much alcohol she'd consumed.
"And this is why this story needs a better author..." Fluttershy sighed.
-end of chapter-
And I got an author's note. I know you're not supposed to put these apparently but I just wanted to let everyone know that me has art for each chapter up on my warahi account on deviant art if anyone wants to take a look.