“Canterlot! All aboard for Canterlot!” cried the conductor. Applejack was already in the train car, seated on one of the long benches. She raised her head and looked around for her friends, but still saw no sign of them. A quick glance at the station clock determined that they had only a few minutes before the train left without them, and it had already been sitting in the station for nearly a quarter hour.
Quietly, she sighed, and turned back to her book.
November 27, 965
It was only when I stopped to write in the date that I realized it has been more than a month since I picked up this journal. I used to write here every day, but lately, I’m so tired it is all I can do to fall into bed at the end of each day. I am ill suited to my job on the apple farm—I lack either strength or endurance, and I must often stay late to finish the work I have been assigned. By the end of each day, my legs and back are in agony, and I struggle to return my tools to the barn. I know that Autumn Gold has noticed, and she would be within her rights to fire me, but she has said nothing. I am an earth pony, and I do not complain. She understands.
Despite this though, I prefer the farm to home. Mother’s condition shows no signs of improvement. Many days she is unresponsive, and when she does wake, it is only to scream obscenities at me. She calls me the disappointment of the family, spits vitriol over every detail of how the house is kept, and accuses me of envying and resenting my sister for her horn. She has even blamed me for Father’s death—accusing me of poisoning him. When she does, I say nothing and wait for it to pass. There’s nothing to do but bear it.
My savings have long since run out, but my job on the apple farm keeps the house, and Flash Dance is able to pay for Mother’s medication, though I have long since given up hope that the psychiatrists will be able to cure her. Father was her anchor to the world, and without him, it is clear she has retreated into madness. Flash Dance has raised the possibility of having her committed, but I know that’s not what Father would have wanted. He trusted me to take care of her when he was gone. I can’t go. I can’t.
It has been so long since I had the chance to design something that I’m starting to forget what my cutie mark is for. Many times the local tinkerer has refused me work, but I think I may ask if I can take some of his jobs for free. I need to work with gears again, with magic and metal and gemstones. Just to remember what it feels like.
Looking at the window, I realize it’s after ten, and the house is still quiet. I should get up and make sure Mother has—
“Applejack!” Rarity’s voice very nearly made Applejack leap from her seat, all her muscles going momentarily stiff. She turned her head sharply, just in time to see Rarity and Rainbow Dash enter the train. Rarity was obviously out of breath, her sides heaving under her saddlebags as she panted for air. Rainbow Dash was quieter, her face impassive as she floated in through the train’s open door. She said nothing, taking her bench and watching Rarity stumble up to Applejack. “Oh, goodness, Applejack. I’m glad we made it.”
“Ya almost didn’t,” Applejack said, shutting her book. “What kept ya? Where are Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie?”
“Fluttershy isn’t coming,” Rarity said breathlessly, taking a moment to recover before she continued. As she focused on even breaths and let her heart slow, the doors to the train shut behind her. Outside, the conductor made his way across the platform, calling out for last boarding. “We stayed as late as we dared to try and convince her, but the poor dear won’t even leave her cottage. She was in such a state that Pinkie Pie thought it best to stay behind and watch over her.”
“Did she now,” Applejack said, her voice flat. Rarity frowned, peering at Applejack’s face, searching for her expression. Rainbow Dash said nothing, just turning to look out the window as the train jolted into motion. “Sorry,” Applejack finally said, looking back down at her bench. “You think Fluttershy will be okay?”
“I... hope so,” Rarity said, after a pause, making her way to her own bench opposite Rainbow Dash. “This has been very trying on her. On all of us, of course, but... well.”
“Ah know,” Applejack nodded wearily. “Well, maybe Pinkie Pie can help her. How are you holdin’ up, RD?” Rainbow Dash gave her no answer, silently watching the terrain go by. Rarity and Applejack exchanged a long, silent glance, looking at each other and then back to her in the hope that she would respond. Still though, she said nothing, and eventually Applejack spoke: “So uh... have we figured out what we’re tellin’ everypony in Ponyville?”
“The truth, I suppose,” Rarity said, with a gentle shrug. “We’ll have to tell Twilight first, of course. I think it might be best if she had a few days to adjust before the rest of the town knew. But in the end, I don’t see what’s to be gained by trying to hide it any longer.”
“Ah suppose...” Applejack agreed, her tail twitching back and forth as she spoke. “Ah jus’ don’t... I mean...” Applejack refocused her gaze on Rarity, her ears coming up and to attention. “Ah jus’ don’t understand. How do ya sound so normal? Listenin’ to you, it’s like nothin’ happened.”
“Many things happened, Applejack,” Rarity said, and though she forced her head to stay level, Applejack could see her body growing tense, her voice strained. “But I refuse to allow that monster to harm me any further than it already has. What’s done is done. We will move on and... and recover, in time. That’s all there is to it.”
“Heh...” Applejack let out a humorless laugh, her ears folding back as she looked at the floor. “‘It’?”
“It can call itself whatever it likes,” Rarity answered, and though she kept her voice even, her words were noticeably quicker and sharper. “It’s a stain on my hoof as far as I’m...” Rarity paused, realizing she’d become carried away, and quickly she looked at Rainbow Dash. Applejack followed her lead, but Rainbow showed no reaction. “Well... as far as I’m concerned,” Rarity finished, considerably more subdued.
“Ah guess that’s—”
“What’s in the book?” Rainbow Dash asked, her intrusion so sudden that Applejack needed a moment to realize anything had been said. By the time she recovered, Rainbow Dash was already looking back at her with a flat expression and an empty stare.
“Nothing,” Applejack said, dismissively waving her hoof. “It’s just somethin’ Ah brought for the—”
“I’m not stupid, AJ,” Rainbow Dash said, and though her face was flat, the next breath she drew was so tense Applejack could hear her chest shake with the motion. “I’ve seen it before. It was sitting on the dresser in the library. What’s in it?”
“It’s... a journal,” Applejack said cautiously, moving a hoof to cover it. Rarity looked between them, uncertain. “Sorry. Ah shouldn't have had it out.”
“Read it out loud then,” Rainbow Dash said, glancing down at the book, and then at Applejack. “I want to know what it says.”
“No, you really don’t,” Applejack insisted, pulling the book away from Rainbow Dash. “Rainbow, it’s some pretty messed up stuff. Ah don’t think—”
“You don’t think I have a right to know what’s in there!?” Rainbow Dash yelled, her shout echoing around the cramped train car. Her wings flared out a few inches from her body as she spoke, the feathers splaying out as Rainbow’s tail lashed. “You don’t think I deserve to... to know... what he...” Rarity reached out to her, the energy seeming to flow out of Rainbow Dash. Rarity held her shoulder as she lowered her head, and murmured, “Just read something, Applejack.”
For a moment, Applejack considered refusing her, looking to Rarity for direction. Before she could probe the other pony’s face though, Rainbow Dash spoke again, a quiet: “Please.”
Applejack turned back to the book, flipping to a random entry and drawing a breath. “January 4, 968,” she read. “As of today, I am no longer—” A quiet choking sound emerged from her throat, and she quickly covered the entry with a hoof. “Uh, let’s find a different one,” she said, moving to flip through the pages.
“Read that one,” Rainbow Dash ordered, with a sharp shake of her head.
“Rainbow Dash, I really don’t think that’s such a good idea,” Applejack said, looking across at her friend. “There’s a lot of entries here, we can just pick another one.”
Rainbow Dash said nothing, but she looked at Applejack. A long, quiet stare. Applejack bore it for a moment, then pulled away, shifting her hind legs uncomfortably. As the silence continued, she bit her lip, looking down at the floor. Finally, after what seemed to Applejack an eternity, Rainbow Dash spoke again, “Read that one.”
After a moment’s hesitation, Applejack moved her hoof.
January 4, 968
As of today, I am no longer a virgin. I suppose it was past time—twenty-eight is not exactly my blushing youth—but I admit to having mixed feelings about the experience. It was with Row Crop, one of the mares on the farm. She approached me after work, and said that she had often seen me about town. I did not know her well, and was unsure what she was getting at, so I simply responded that that was true. I think that surprised her, because she paused for a moment before more forcefully adding that she had never seen me with a mare. At that point, I began to suspect her meaning, but I did not wish to offend her by being too forward, and so I again answered plainly, telling her that I did not have a mare in my life. That made her laugh, though I am uncertain what about it she found amusing, and she asked if I would like to go for a walk after work.
We talked a bit, on our way through the apple trees. She asked if I was the one who makes all those new devices in the tinkerer’s shop—the knives that never need sharpening and the pots that heat themselves without a stove. I told her that I was, and we talked about my career for a while. She asked if I would go back to Canterlot when Mother dies, and I told her that I would. I suppose it’s no secret around town how rapidly her health has started to degrade.
Still, I am uncomfortable with the subject, and I took the chance to ask about her instead. I had assumed she was a farm pony, perhaps even part of the Apple family, but her special talent is organization. She took her job here for much the same reason I did—family she couldn’t leave. She made no secret of her desire to leave, and I could hear the yearning in her voice. Whenever possible, she would try to shift the conversation back to me, and in the end, we found a comfortable balance in my telling her tales of the university, and her of her life here.
At her urging, we stopped before a grove of old trees off the edge of the farm, beyond where the Apples now harvest. She put a leg around me, and led me amongst the leaves and bushes, and it was there that we consummated our affections. Of the act itself, I have little to say, save that I believe I neither disappointed nor awed her. She seemed contented afterwards, and we lay side by side for a time, enjoying each other's presence.
Yet, I still wonder what she hoped to gain. I suppose she could have just been interested in the pleasure of the act—though there are certainly more physically impressive stallions than I on the farm, I am not wholly unattractive. Her manner afterwards, though, leads me to believe she is interested in a more serious relationship. I do not understand why, for we have rarely spoken before now, and while I found her agreeable, I have no special feelings for her. Perhaps she simply wants me because I am different than the others? Then again, perhaps I am seeing what I wish to see, and she thinks nothing more of me than a passing fling.
Either way, I don’t see the harm. I will ask if she is free tomorrow. Perhaps we could spend some time in town.
Applejack finished the entry and closed the book. The only sound to be heard in the train car was the steady click and clack of its wheels on the rails, the car gently shaking back and forth. She did not continue, waiting for Rainbow Dash to speak.
“So that’s it?” Rainbow finally asked, after perhaps ten seconds of silence. “It’s just... a bunch of stuff about old marefriends and things?”
“Yup. That’s it,” Applejack nodded, quick to put the book away before Rainbow Dash could ask her to read from it again. Rarity shut her eyes and sighed silently when the book vanished back into Applejack’s saddlebags, her shoulders slumping just so. “Nothin’ important. Just been skippin’ around.”
“So, what happens with him and her then?” Rainbow asked, gently raising her head. “Is she in there later?”
“Uh... yeah,” Applejack said, letting out a stiff breath. “Yeah. They uh... they end up gettin’ married after about a year.”
“Oh...” Rainbow Dash said, her ears perking up slightly. “So when did she die?”
Applejack bit her lower lip, looking down at the floor as she slowly shook her head. To Applejack, the silence seemed to hang forever, before Rainbow finally asked: “Divorced?”
Again, Applejack shook her head.
“I’m...” Rainbow said, her voice croaking as she tried to finish. She swallowed, but still could not find the words, and quickly sat up. “I’m going to fly to Canterlot. I’ll catch up with you at the palace.”
“Rainbow, no!” Rarity said, reaching a hoof over to Rainbow to try to stop her. Rainbow Dash ignored her, though, and shoved open the carriage window. “Please, we can talk about this. Rainbow!” Her pleas fell on deaf ears, and as soon as the window was open, Rainbow launched herself out into the air, her wings catching the breeze and hurling her off and away. Wind whipped and whistled through the train car from the open window, making Rarity’s and Applejack’s manes lash this way and that. “Why didn’t you stop her!?” Rarity demanded, turning on the spot to face Applejack.
“Just let her go, Rarity,” Applejack said, watching the blue speck fade off into the sky above. “It’s for the best.”
Rainbow Dash seemed to grow smaller and smaller in the train window, and eventually, was lost to sight.