How I Found Home
In my dreams, I remember...
The most painful part is the loneliness, the emptiness in my head where once was family. I remember their death screams, and the silence of their absence. The absolute certainty of loneliness. I do not like remembering that pain. But I cannot escape it. I will always remember my first moment of awareness, breaking free of the egg...and feeling the death of the Queen, and the grief of the hive. The madness as the hive tore itself apart, the pain of the wounds I felt them inflict.
I remember waiting for a long time, waiting for someone to find me, to help me...but no one came. I remember crying for a long time, wailing as I fussed in the bundle of reeds and leaves I was carried in, carried away from the place of death as what once was home fell apart. I remember the last one, my nurse, standing over me, and feeling her decision. The green ball of light she drew from herself and placed inside me...and then her voice went silent.
I continued to fuss and cry. My instincts told me that someone would come if I did this, and would care for me. But no one came. But my cries did draw attention.
Not all my memories are my own. Some are older, left to me by the one who gave me her light, to guide me safely. I didn't know words, but my thoughts had shape, telling me the nature of creatures I encountered. My cries had drawn a manticore.
I froze, watching in fear. It was hungry. I knew hunger. It was hunting. It was hunting me. I could only whimper in fear as I watched it approach. I knew it would eat me, and that would be it. But as painful as the loneliness was, I didn't want to die. I watched it leap.
I heard a sound, like a thousand flutes blown at once. A stream of flame, golden-red, flashed over my head, close enough that I felt the heat on my horn. I felt the manticore's surprise, but it felt no pain. There was only an instant of shock, and then a pile of ash.
I turned in fear, and saw the dragon. It stood over me, massive, looking down into my eyes. Once more I was afraid. I knew not what the dragon wanted with me, and one tooth was larger than my entire body.
I stared in awe as the dragon slowly shrunk. Within moments, it was no larger than the queen, the queen now dead. Gently, it picked me up in its foreclaws, and stared into my eyes. Then it pulled me close, and I felt its heart. I felt love, compassion, regret, and oddly directed self-loathing. And then I felt a touch on my mind.
'I'm sorry,' the voice said, echoing in the empty place in my mind. 'I'm sorry, Yaazi.'
I blinked in confusion. Why did it say Yaazi?
I felt its amusement. 'It is your name,' his voice said good naturedly in my mind. I could feel the masculine aura of the thoughts. Slowly, he spread his wings. 'Rest now, Yaazi. When you awaken, you will be alone no longer.'
I felt myself growing drowsy. I didn't know what was going on, but I had a name. This...this was a good thing.
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When I awoke, I was comfortable, situated inside a basket and wrapped in blankets. I stared into blue eyes. A yellow pegasus pony with a pink mane stood over me. I did not know Her, but somehow I felt I would. She watched me for a time, saying something, but I did not know the words. Then She picked up the basket and carried me away. I felt her compassion and concern for me, and I felt my strength growing.
She took me to a dark place, and there I saw Him. He was not a pony, or any other creature I knew the name of. He picked me up and held me where he could see me. I heard His words, but I could not understand them. But then He said "Yaazi."
He knew my name. Smiling, I reached for Him, and He held me close. After a time of more words between Him and Her, He placed me back in the basket, and She carried me away. She fed me, She bathed me...I fell asleep curled up to Her, listening to Her voice as She sang to me. Her voice, and Her love, lulled me into deepest slumber.
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I awaken in the dark place. This is home now. He is near. I do not believe He knows I am awake yet. He and She have taken me in. They care for me. Their love feeds me, and I am content.
The pain of my memories is always with me, but the joy of my life, of the love He and She give me, fills my days. It makes the pain more bearable, that I have such joy to hold against it. My past was painful, but I will grow beyond it someday. My present is joyful, filled with my new home, my new family. My future is uncertain as always, but I truly believe it will be as joyful as today, and I will enjoy the life I have now.
I make a fuss. He comes close. I still do not know His words, but I know when He speaks my name. He smiles at me. I feel his love for me, and his joy in my presence.
I smile back. I feel His heart at all times, but I cannot hear His thoughts. Perhaps someday He will share His thought with me, to fill the empty place in my mind where family belongs. But until then, I am content with knowing His heart, and knowing I am loved...and knowing who He is now.
Throwing my forehooves up to him, I smile. "Da!" I call happily.