Cultural Artifacts

by Dan_s Comments


16) A Spider's Tangled Web of Loves

Dan's Comments

Cultural Artifacts - A Spider's Tangled Web of Loves

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 27

        "You wanted his foals, there they are," Celestia whispered to her sister, and walked regally out to greet her fellow alicorns. She stayed just beyond where they'd have to react, simply enjoying the heartwarming sight that mirrored her own restoration of/reunion with her sister.

        She glanced over at Pinkie Pie, who had an adding machine and an eyeshade, and was working furiously at a project. The others were obviously stunned by the events.

        Rainbow was headed over towards Applejack as the stunned farmpony confronted two ghosts long past, who were also confronting one they thought was beyond the veil.

        "I - " Luna began hotly, then watched the two fillies hug and nuzzle each other happily. Her eyes shown with happy tears.

        Celestia smiled and looked over the others. The Big Guy's collection had surrounded him and were chattering, asking questions and nuzzling him gently. That he'd effectively collapsed once he was out of range of the Elements told of his exhaustion.

        Where has that guardspony gotten to? Celestia wanted to know.

        "Ahem," Rarity said in a way that would be a declaration of war in other circumstances.

        Blueblood cowered behind Celestia as Rarity grinned.

        "Your Highness, could you convince your esteemed nephew, to take Spike after our departed Big Mac. He really needs another man to talk to, and it seems will have to do with what we have." She glared at Blueblood, who cringed. "Now, do a good job," she said cheerfully as Spike ambled over.

        "You won't let her hurt herself, will you?" Spike asked Celestia and Rarity, before waving a hand in front of Twilight's face and getting no reaction.

        "I assure you Spike, I don't let ponies under my aegis get hurt," Rarity promised with a hoof on her heart. Then she grinned at Blueblood. He dutifully walked over to Spike, fearfully watching Rarity the entire time. He knelt like a showpony, so Spike could easily climb aboard. Then he set off.

        "Did she really say she'd skin you alive?" Spike asked.

        "She said I was so thick, she wanted to see how many times she could skin me before she hit, you know." Blueblood said tremulously.

        "Are you still interested in marrying him?" Celestia asked and grinned.

        Rarity seemed to miss the humor. "No, I consider him too much of a work in progress. But whoever does will get a masterpiece by Rarity," the mare said theatrically and cantered a short distance, before slowly approaching the two fillies who were openly weeping.

        "There there. It'll be all right," she assured them. Celestia walked over carefully to add her assurances and support, and to find out what was going on.

        She saw Trixie and Lyra helping the Big Guy hunt down the unicorn horn the guardspony had thrown. They located the now candy striped thing and carried it to Luna. Celestia reversed and approached her sister and the collection.

        "That looks rather like my horn," Celestia said, "Except for the Nightmare band."

        The Big Guy offered it to Luna, and when she took it, he knelt. Not bowing, he drew a picture in the dust of the horn, a mathematical equals sign, and a circle. Then he drew a little alicorn coming out of the circle.

        "An egg?" Derpy asked as she peered at the drawing, then at the purple and white striped horn. "Bawk, bawk?" she imitated a chicken as she walked.

        He nodded.

        "One word, dear sister, and you'll find out how sharp this really is," Luna warned.

        "I was just going to suggest that we may have a more complicated life in the future," Celestia said and glanced at the two small alicorns trying and failing to talk to Rarity.

        "They speak his language," Luna said in amazement, "Not ours."

        "Discord," Celestia said between irritation and amusement, "This is what he's been teaching Discord."

        "We can still kill both of them," Luna offered.

        Discord had evidently translated, because the Big Guy was looking up at them, with puppy-dog eyes and trying to look as cute as possible.

        "I am beginning to think I have the way. A simple picnic in the country," Celestia said sadly, "The world would split open and swallow him up."


        "You can drop the act," Spike said quietly after checking the areas for eavesdroppers, "I know the game you're playing."

        "I don't have any idea what you're talking about," Blueblood said as he trotted along, following the hoofprints of Big Mac.

        "First, I got stuck listening to your family discuss their plan to marry you and Twilight a couple years ago. Some of the things they called her and you, would have had me laughing, if they hadn't made me so angry. So I actually went and looked up a bunch of things," Spike said flatly, "Being the assistant of the most data-intensive unicorn in modern history teaches you to see what is, not what's written in books, or what everyone tells you."

        "Then no, I think Rarity is a friend, and she's covering for me. 'Forcing' me to do what a real gentlestallion would do," Blueblood said and enjoyed having stolen a march on Spike, "The lady's heart still yours."

        Spike blushed at that. "Then, those others, they're from another Equestria?" Spike asked, "One where they don't speak Equestrian?"

        "I suspect so. I think your mistress is going to have a very busy time of it. Nearly as busy as Aunt Celestia, you know what's going to happen when the elites find out about our newcomers?"

        "The Big Guy is going to need more bullets," Spike said quietly as they approached the large stallion. He slipped off Blueblood's back and signaled him to wait while Spike approached. "Big MacIntosh?" Spike asked.

        "Those ain't my folks," the stallion tearfully said, "They can't be. They aren't."

        "I never saw any pictures of your folks. If they came out of that house, maybe they're from another dimension. Like that Blueblood and Twilight, and alicorn we saw through your barn."

        "They ain't my folks," Big MacIntosh said again.

        Spike glanced up as Blueblood's shadow fell over him. "That is true, but they can be your friends. They know a lot about you, you know a lot about them. You obviously share interests," Blueblood said without a hint of condescension or his 'upper-class twit' accent, "Just because they are very similar to those who birthed you, it does not give them the privileges of those who raised you."

        The stallion looked at Blueblood in confusion.

        "My sire and dame may have conceived and birthed me. But I was raised by others. I consider them my 'parents' in my heart. My sire and dame demand I address them as 'father and mother', but they are no more my true parents than those refugees are yours. And I strongly doubt they will put that demand on you," Blueblood said, "At the moment, a few minutes in the presence of someone they thought long-dead would be welcome enough. Consider them old friends, you just met. That may be easier."

        Big MacIntosh nodded, but laid his head down on his legs and quietly wept. Blueblood sat next to him and put a comradely hoof on his shoulders.

        "I can't tell anyone about this," Spike said, "Can I?"

        "You'd be punished for lying if you did," Blueblood admitted.

        Spike nodded and patrolled the perimeter to give them warning of any intruders.


        Shining Armor balanced Applebloom and her two toothbrushes full of pollen on his head. He maneuvered her close to the apple blossom in the park. He couldn't really see what she was doing, but she did it with some practiced ease. I'm glad she ignored the cleanup crew near the park door, he thought, That's going to be trouble that needs to be reported, he thought of the paint that was being removed, and what it had said.

        "M-kay," she said, through the two brushes. Once she was down on the ground, she set the brushes down on a cloth. "They glowed a little, but then, nothing." She sounded disappointed.

        "Did you want a great big, huge reaction?" Armor asked.

        The stricken filly shook her head.

        "Then be patient. How long did it take your grandmother to develop her practice of growing Zap Apples?" Armor asked. He noted Cadence standing off at a distance looking at him with unshed tears like she would look at a newborn puppy.

        I have such a desire to shout 'I am a Captain of the Guard, I am fierce, not cute', he thought while Applebloom collected her tools to bag the blossoms she'd treated, so nothing else would affect them.

        He lifted the filly up and let her perform her task. I doubt I'd even understand what she's doing, let alone do it as well, he thought as he watched. He let her down when she was done. The look on Cadence's face was pretty, but had alarms going off in his mind.

        "I can't wait to tell Applejack and Granny Smith about this!" Applebloom shouted and raced off.

        Armor trotted along behind. Cadence fell into formation.

        "Odd," she said, her faintly disturbing expression never wavering, "NO mention of a cutie-mark. Are you sure that's the real Applebloom?"

        Armor rolled his eyes at the teasing, but noted Cadence's strange look hadn't gone away.


        As the two alicorn fillies laughed and cried, Dinky trotted up, and stepped into the wagon, hugging both of them. "It's okay, you can be part of our family," she told both of them.

        While they didn't understand the words, they seemed to understand the intent, and the pair hugged the filly back. Derpy landed and enclosed all three of them in her wings. She nuzzled all three in turn.

        "Aren't those princesses?" Rainbow asked warily, trying not to look at their Highnesses while Derpy was getting a lot more familiar with these little ones than was wise.

        The happy sniffle from Pinkie turned Rainbow Dash around, to see that Pinkie and the Princesses were enchanted by the scene. "Never mind, it's okay, I guess," Dash said. She still felt uneasy about it.

        She headed back over to Applejack and the two earth ponies. Granny Smith sat in her rocker a short ways away and watched the three of them. "Are you two ready to talk?" Rainbow asked quietly as she landed. All three of the ponies were sitting, occasionally stealing glances at each other, then looking away. She turned to her friend. "AJ, if you won't talk to them, talk to me, what's going on? Are these your parents?"

        "No," Applejack said firmly, "Yes. Maybe. I don't know," she added miserably. "Maybe they are and maybe they ain't. They look like'em. They act like I remember my ma and pa actin'. This hat, he's wearing my pa's hat, like me. Their cutie marks are my folks. Granny?"

        "Don't rightly know," the Apple matriarch said, "Maybe they're from the same place as the Big Guy. He seems to know a bit about ponies." She frowned. "If'n he was home, why come back?"

        Rainbow looked back to the others. Most of her friends were fixated on the scene which was far too cutsie for her tastes. Even Twilight was staring, only the occasional ear flick indicating that her brains were still churning.

        "Maybe we should have Pinkie throw a party for all the newcomers," Rainbow offered. When the pink mare failed to materialize, Rainbow raised her voice. "Maybe we should have a party for all the newcomers."

        "Heard ya the first time young'un," Granny Smith replied. "Maybe a get acquainted party would be a good idea."

        "Yes," Rainbow said.

        "But it'd take day to set it up," she finished.

        Rainbow facehoofed. Then turned to the source of the weirdest sound she'd ever heard. It took her an instant to focus on the source. "It's the Big Guy, and he's singing?" Rainbow asked, as she felt the sanity completely drain out of the world.


        Tom found Discord moping in their private room. "It's not fair," the spirit of Chaos grumped.

        "What pray tell ever gave you the delusion that life or the world were even the tiniest bit 'fair'," Tom asked acidly, "Or perhaps you are objecting to something else entirely."

        "Two days ago, he was marching through the Everfree, blasting anything that moved. Today, he's more adorable that a bucket of newborn kittens. How does he do that!?" Discord screamed in frustration.

        "Chaos," Tom said, "He's better at it than you."

        "I am the spirit of Chaos!" Discord thundered, towering over the sphere as a Titan would above a cowering ant, "I can sunder stars, rewrite the laws of the cosmos on a whim!"

        "Be as cute as a bucket of kittens?" Tom asked wryly.

        Discord reduced so he was eye-level with the sphere. "Have I told you lately how much I hate you?"

        "As I am you, and your self-hatred is evident to all, the fact comes as no surprise to me, shoe or not. Now, on a more useful note. Having done him a huge favor, having demonstrated at least a modicum of understanding of 'life-affirming chaos', is it not your right as well as your duty as a good student, to ask how he accomplished that epic sea-change?"

        Discord pulled a door out, set it between the two of them, and slammed it.

        "Yes, I thought you hadn't," Tom said.


        He sat beside the toy wagon running a finger through the mane of the distraught filly. He'd heard enough about Nightmare Moon to guess what the little one was going through. Celly and Dinky still held the sobbing filly. After Derpy's initial distress, he'd reassured her that her greeting hadn't driven Woona over the edge.

        He sang softly to her, occasionally teasing her ears.
"Chiquitita, tell me what's wrong. You're enchained by your own sorrow. In your eyes there is no hope for tomorrow."
"How I hate to see you like this. There is no way you can deny it. I can see that you're oh so sad, so quiet."

        Dinky nuzzled Woona and hummed along with the song he sang.
"Chiquitita, tell me the truth. I'm a shoulder you can cry on. Your best friend, I'm the one you must rely on."
"You were always sure of yourself. Now I see you've broken a feather. I hope we can patch it up together."

        He suddenly wound up with a lap full of sobbing alicorn. He hugged her and kept stroking her mane.
"Chiquitita, you and I know, how the heartaches come and they go and the scars they're leaving."
"You'll be dancing once again and the pain will end. You will have no time for grieving."
"Chiquitita, you and I cry, but the sun is still in the sky and shining above you. Let me hear you sing once more like you did before. Sing a new song, Chiquitita."
"Try once more like you did before, sing a new song, Chiquitita."

        He glanced up and saw the near wall of stunned ponies. Some like Rarity and Pinkie were grinning like the Joker on a sugar high. Twilight and Luna stared open-mouthed like he'd grown a set of wings. He really didn't care.
"So the walls came tumbling down, and your love's a blown out candle. All is gone and it seems too hard to handle. Chiquitita, tell me the truth. There is no way you can deny it. I see that you're oh so sad, so quiet."

        Woona grabbed his arm and hugged it tightly to her as she cried. He continued singing.
"Chiquitita, you and I know, how the heartaches come and they go and the scars they're leaving."
"You'll be dancing once again and the pain will end. You will have no time for grieving."
"Chiquitita, you and I cry. But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you."
"Let me hear you sing once more like you did before, sing a new song, Chiquitita."
"Try once more like you did before, sing a new song, Chiquitita."
"Try once more like you did before, sing a new song, Chiquitita."

        The sniffling was not coming exclusively from the youngsters, but many of the other ponies as well. Derpy nuzzled him, then renewed her wing-hug of the collection of fillies that had relocated around his occupied lap. He simply waited, stroking Woona's ears and mane with the arm she held to her cheek, then Celly's, with his free hand.


        As they dashed into Sweet Apple Acres, he saw the Big Guy surrounded by mares with the same expression that Cadence still wore. Ah ha! That's the 'I've found a father for my foals, now I have to catch him', since Derpy doesn't look that way, it has to have that addition, since she's already 'caught' hers. Cadence headed for her aunts to observe the scene and was soon as enchanted at the Big Guy cuddling the tiny Luna filly.

        Armor picked the safest target and sidled up beside her to shock her out of her torpor and get her to explain what was happening. "Wake up Twilie," he whispered in her ear, "You're drooling."

        His little sister vied, unsuccessfully, in adorableness as she shook herself out of the spell. He was partially immune, he'd seen it, he'd seen it dozens of times. The most ferocious guard ponies, mares and stallions, turning into the cuddliest critters imaginable around their own fillies and colts. It amazed him that ponies were surprised by the dual nature of those warriors. All that controllable ferocity has to come from somewhere, he thought. He watched as the expressions on the others became horror as Applebloom ran up to two newcomers and greeted them in typical Apple-style.

        "Hi, welcome to Sweet Apple Acres, home of the best Apples in Equestria. I'm Applebloom, pleased ta meetcha!" Neither Applebloom nor Armor understood the sudden heartbroken expressions on the two earth ponies' faces.

        "Applebloom," Applejack said, with Rarity and Rainbow Dash in support. "This here's Jonathan Appleseed, and Johnny Cake. In their world, they're our folks."

        "Momma, poppa?" Applebloom asked, her ears and bow drooping, "But they - they went to another world?"

        "They aren't our ma and pa, they're from another place. They just," Applejack struggled with the words.

        "I don't understand!" the filly wailed as she looked from adult to adult for an explanation.

        "Applebloom," Twilight said, freed by the cessation of the cuteness. The Big Guy set the fillies in the wagon and took the two newcomers aside to talk with them. "They aren't your parents. They're ponies, who in their world grew apples, and had three foals, a boy and two girls." Seeing she wasn't connecting Twilight paused and changed tacks, "Have you ever gone somewhere, and felt you'd been there or done something before. But you hadn't. This is like that. They'll seem like they fit in to the Apple family, they'll know about you and Applejack and Big MacIntosh, but you've never met."

        "Twilight," Rarity said, "Applebloom never got to know her parents."

        Twilight looked to Applejack. "Then it applies to you too, and Big Mac. They aren't your folks, but I think they are your family."

        "I think I understand, Twilight," Applebloom said, her face scrunched up as she thought hard. "They're like cousins, like Braeburn or Apple Fritter," she offered uncertainly.

        Twilight decided not to correct the grating misconception. "Something like that."

        She has grown up, Armor thought as he ambled over, I can remember her arguing the least little inaccuracies.

        They turned and saw Big Mac, Blueblood and Spike returning. Spike was riding on Big Mac's back. Blueblood was looking put upon and supercilious, nose in the air. Armor suppressed the desire to give the stallion a private dressing down. Rarity however, marched straight at him. With a wail of terror, the royal stallion bolted back into the orchard. Rarity tore after him.

        Spike and Big Mac exchanged confused looks and then continued to the cluster of Apples.

        "I apologize for my behavior. It wasn't neighborly," Big Mac said. He seemed to stall on the next words, looking to Applejack and Granny Smith for some clue. They were as lost as he was.

        The Big Guy cleared his throat. When he had Big Mac's attention, he smiled and drew a circle in the air to indicate the two new comers, then touched his hand to his chest and mimed sleeping.

        "Thank you," Big Mac said and nodded. He offered a hoof to the two ponies, who took it and shook it. Although the mare seemed closer to crying than the stallion.

        Pinkie walked up slowly, glancing occasionally at the Big Guy who nodded in reply. Armor still remembered the trauma of their first meeting. She pulled a party hat from somewhere. Put it on the two and handed them a calendar with a date circled. Two days hence. When they nodded, she hugged them enthusiastically, and they hugged back. Streamers flew and Pinkie danced, proclaiming the best party! The new Apples grinned at her antics, as did the native Apples. Then they glanced at each other and shrugged.

        "So they had a Pinkie Pie on their side," Armor whispered to Twilie.

        "Or the same one," Twilie replied.

        Armor's head started to hurt working that idea out. "Thank you for that," he said and facehoofed.


        "I don't think we did very well," Jonathan Apple said as they walked. Fortunately, the path to Sweet Apple Acres was not well traveled, so only a few Ponyvillians saw and gasped/fainted at the sight of the newcomers.

        "You did as well as could be expected. And it will get easier as the days go by," the Big Guy told them as he pulled the wagon with the three sleeping fillies in it. Derpy and Lyra would occasionally push or float it over rough spots. He glanced back at the wagon. "If I started introducing myself as Clyde S. Dale, no one would get the joke."

        "If we would have stayed," Johnny Cake said.

        "You would have died. Is a little heartache and confusion worse than being dead?" he asked.

        "No," Jonathan said, and glanced back at his cutie-mark, a bag with apple seeds spilling out. "I just wonder if my 'destiny' isn't taking a rather cruel turn."

        "Let me guess, you went out spreading apple seeds, setting up your families' farms, planting orchards and basically campaigning for apples in all ways."

        The pair stared at him in stunned amazement.

        "I haven't worked out the connection, but there's lots of links between this world and mine. Johnny Appleseed spread apples all over the continent. It's not a stretch to think Jonathan Apple would do the same," the Big Guy explained.

        "That must seem very," Johnny Cake searched for the word, "I guess weird is the word."

        "It can get that way," the Big Guy admitted, "It's always weird how someponies are downright hostile or fearful, and others latch on with no obvious reason. Derpy and Fluttershy are supposed to be timid doormats, and they came right up with no problem. While Applejack, and Celestia of all ponies are afraid of me. It must have something to do with their cutie-mark and thus their connection to the world's magic. It isn't logical without that."

        "And what about Pinkie Pie, I've never seen her so restrained before," Johnny Cake said, "And she's been living with my little brother and his wife for years."

        "I think Pinkie wants everybody around her to be happy. Until Twilight arrived, and I'm even worse, I don't think anyone ever made it clear that just sitting quietly can make someone smile. She's learning that quiet can work too. It's against her nature, but she's a clear enough thinker that she'll say 'okay, I don't understand it, but let's see if I can predict it'. Like her Pinkie Sense. She didn't try to understand why, but carefully cataloged what preceded what," he chuckled, "I almost wish I'd seen that. Poor Twilight demanding orthodoxy about magic, and Pinkie providing the scientist's answer: 'I don't know exactly why, I only have a theory, but I know it happens this way predictably.'"

        The two Apples stared at him. "You just called Pinkie Pie a clear thinker," Johnny said. The mare shook her head. "No offense, but you must have come from a very strange world to classify Pinkie Pie as clear."

        "Clear, not necessarily comprehensible," he amended, "And yes, I've dealt with some truly brilliant people that I wouldn't dare leave alone with a metal umbrella in a room with a power socket. But they'd always have a very erudite explanation of what they did and the results. Asking why they did it was usually meant with an incredulous look."

        Celly giggled at that image.

        The gasp from Lyra and Derpy drew everyone's attention. Bonbon, Dinky Doo and Golden Harvest were polishing the 'park door' to the Big Guy's home. Lyra rushed forward to talk to Bonbon. The mare with the scrub brush growled a bit in the Big Guy's direction, but her real frustration was directed at the door, and what presumably had been written there.


        " 'Monster go home'," Lyra said sadly and shook her head, "After everything he's done for us, and nothing he's done to us, somepony would paint that on both sides of the door? Why?"

        "Lyra, there are a whole slew of ponies in town who are just plain scared of him," Bonbon said.

        Lyra shied back. "Why? What has he done to make you angry?"

        Bonbon lowered her head. "He took away my crazy musician roommate who used to come to me when the whole world thought she was wrong," Bonbon said quietly, "Now that he's proved you right, you go on adventures like Daring Doo. You cried when a bunch of Parasprites ate your desert, now you act like you're a Canterlot Heavy Guard. The only thing different is him!"

        "Bonbon you're -" Lyra stopped as she traced Bonbon's stare back to its cause. "Oh, ah, that's," she began.

        Bonbon held up a hoof. "I can bucking well see who it is!" Bonbon shook her head. "What happened? He ran out of bits to buy apples and paid for them by going to Tartarus and getting Applejack's folks back? Did Celestia and Luna object and he turned them into fillies?" Bonbon shouted, "There's no explanation for that! There's no explanation for you just going along with that! Tirek, Nistag, Nightmare Moon, Discord, all the bogeymares from all of our history, and he just sweeps them aside like they're nothing? And you just stand there grinning and nodding like it's normal. It scares me, it scares the rest of us. What if he turns on us, what could possibly stop him?"

        "He won't," Lyra soothed.

        "You know that, you have faith. I don't. Lyra, we're scared. A lot of us. The Bearers of the Elements of Harmony, they're all local ponies. Fine, I can live with that. The Everfree spits up a monster now and again, I can live with that. But him . . . you say he's a savior, I say he could be a monster. If you're right, I'm a fool. If I'm right, what could stop him? The Bearers? The Princesses? Who?"

        "Me," Lyra said. She nuzzled her shocked friend. "I'll stop him. And I won't be because I'm some hero out of legend. I'll stop him with my weakness. That's what you aren't seeing. Every threat he's faced and beaten has been a test of strength. But show him weakness and kindness, and he's different. You want to know how to beat him? Surrender. I know it doesn't make an ounce of sense, but force draws out force, gentleness draws out gentleness. You could go scream at him for stealing your crazy roommate away, and he'll retreat. But move to hurt me, or worse hurt Dinky Hooves, and he'll tear your spine out of your back."

        Bonbon was crying but her anger had left her. "Yeah, I want my timid, crazy roommate back. I want to be needed too." She looked hopefully at Lyra.

        "Why don't you come to the house with us? There's room," Lyra said, and saw the fear in her friend's eyes, "When he feels safe, he drops the 'I am invincible' act. Besides, you can show him what a good cook you are."

        "I thought he ate meat," Bonbon said.

        "Didn't you say you ate a couple of fruit bats once?" Lyra accused.

        "I was starving," Bonbon countered. "Okay, I guess he can fry up the remains of some poor animal while I'm making everything else." She leaned close. "He still scares the pronk out of me."

        "When he does the things he does, it scares the pronk out of me too," Lyra confided, "I apologize for neglecting you. I think he's got enough spare ponies that I can forgo pony piling tonight, to spend some time with my best friend."

        "Won't he object if we, ah, in his house?" Bonbon asked.

        Lyra swatted her with her tail. "That's not what I meant," Lyra scolded, "But if we could get Princess Luna to watch, maybe they'd get the idea. No, he'd probably do what we did, rather than what a stallion does." Lyra shook her head. "We should avoid the subject, and stick to cuddling." Lyra nuzzled her nervous friend.

        Sveti looked around the door and dropped her scrub brush in the bucket she held. "If you want to prove that to yourself, Bonbon, why don't you frogmarch him and his little band over to Glory's little operation. He's supposed to be getting dietary help from them anyway."

        Bonbon stared. "I couldn't," the wide-eyed and shivering mare whispered.

        "Sure, you've seen Applejack herd critters before. No reason you can't try your hand. Let Derpy and Dinky lead, have Lyra pull the wagon, and you get and keep him moving. As long as you watch for sudden stops, you'll be fine."

        Bonbon looked to Lyra, who nodded, then to Derpy who saluted. The Big Guy had an expression that he knew he was being plotted against, but would be tolerant. "Okay," Bonbon said, then cried out, "Cavalry forward!"

        "She was part of the Benmare Lancers," Lyra said as she followed Bonbon. Lyra took the tongue of the wagon full of giggling alicorns, and watched Bonbon gently head butt the Big Guy from behind. He made a whining sound to Celly and Woona, which sent to two little alicorns into hysterics. Then he dutifully walked after Derpy. Dinky Hooves raced around them barking like Winona. Dinky Doo soon joined the game, the two of them acting like couple of border collies.

        Lyra watched the Big Guy chuckle at the antics of the group, with Celly and Woona laughing so hard they could barely stay upright in the wagon. The Apples followed, and conversed among themselves. They too seemed to accept the insanity with good grace.

        Glory watched them bugeyed from the door of the shop. Hollyhock had looked out, then raced back inside. A few Ponyvillians stopped to watch the parade. Although some darted inside and closed their doors. Lyra heard the sound of heavy furniture being dragged across a floor in one house, while a foal peeked out the window next to the door. Lyra and the Big Guy shared a chuckle about that.

        They entered the converted restaurant and heard the regimented chaos that was a master chef at work in the kitchen. Forget-me-not guided them to a table that had been constructed to be comfortable for both ponies and for the Big Guy, although the chair sat rather lower than he was used to. The small pegasus also saw to the seating of Celly and Woona, taking their presence in stride. Glory stood and stared with her mouth open, until Celly's horn glowed briefly and shut it. That seemed to wake the unicorn up.

        "What happened?" Glory asked.

        Bonbon smirked at Lyra. "Since you weren't going out to get him, we brought him here." The two marefriends giggled at the nonplused unicorn.

        "Okay, I deserved that, but their Highnesses," Glory said.

        "Their Highnesses are back at Sweet Apple Acres," Derpy provided, "Or maybe back at camp, I don't know," she added thoughtfully. "Anyway, we're here."

        Glory indicated the two fillies, then realized nopony was going to explain it. She shook her head and trotted back to the kitchen.

        Forget-me-not gave everyone at the table a glass of sarsparilla, set a bowl of fruit slices in the middle of the table, then dashed back into the kitchen. She returned with some plates and a set of tongs.

        The Big Guy took it upon himself to serve out the plates.

        "See," Lyra whispered to Bonbon.

        "I still think I'm having a pleasant lunch with a rabid bear," Bonbon whispered back, then squeaked when Lyra bit her shoulder.

        "I'll bite something else later," Lyra promised.

        Bonbon looked at the two giggling alicorns and blushed crimson.


        Celly finished chuckling then sighed. She sipped the sarsparilla and enjoyed the biting taste. "It's been so long since I could sit with ponies and just laugh." She took on a regal tone and pose. "I am to be the upright standard for all of ponydom."

        He reached over and scratched her behind the ears. Her ears went flat and she set her head on the table.

        "And that would never be allowed," she said quietly.

        "Lonely on top of the pedestal. But if you can shape-change, you can go out as other ponies. Walk around, listen to gossip, and hearing what ponies in real life are talking and thinking about. When the management gets isolated from the folks on the floor, they lose the ability to manage," he told her.

        "I certainly didn't do as good a job as this Celestia," Celly looked over to Woona, who was fast asleep curled up in her chair. "I kept her in the gardens, talked to her, promised to save her, then I couldn't."

        "This place's Celestia banished her into the moon, because she couldn't save her either," he told Celly. "Tradeoffs. You told her you loved her every day, while she struggled with Nightmare. Or you hold them in stasis where she's the strongest. Either one of you could have simply destroyed her, and neither one of you could save her. Best of bad options."

        "I failed, everyone," Celly said miserably.

        "You failed yourself," he replied, "Got knocked down. Get up Celestia." He nodded towards the Apples. "At least as far as your knees."

        The alicorn nodded and slipped out of the chair to bow before the stunned earth ponies. She apologized to the stunned pair, for her missteps and what it had cost them personally. The Apples accepted, as graciously as they could, but were clearly uncomfortable. They glanced around worriedly. The rest of the local Equestrians murmured among themselves. Outside the windows and peeking in the doors were dozens of local ponies gossiping and chattering about the scene, or other things.

        Except Bonbon, who attracted Lyra's attention and wearily indicated the scene. Lyra seemed chagrined by the whole thing, and Bonbon's accusation. The arrival of the food lessened the tensions inside, but the speculations outside increased. It looked like a quiche, and smelled strongly of spinach and fried potatoes. Glory went out and the crowd outside dispersed. The earth pony server carefully doled out the sections, along with salads of differing sizes. The ponies got less quiche and more salad than the Big Guy. The small pegasus also delivered a plate of what looked like corned beef hash.

        "I thought ponies eschewed meat," he said, "This smells delicious."

        The chuckles from the Apples brought everyone's attention around.

        "Ponies very occasionally eat meat," Jonathan said, "If there's nothing else. They don't eat anything that can talk to them, but I've had fish, and fowl. It's the indigestion you get afterwards that keeps most ponies away. But meat or starvation, I'll take meat thank you very much."

        "I know horses sometimes kill and eat birds and small animals. But here cows are able to think and converse, and other animals seem a great deal more intelligent than those on my world."

        "We aren't as sweet and peaceful as you might think," Johnny Cake said, "Some of the rows I've had with some people in Ponyville are not quite the stuff of legend, but I grew out of most of it."

        "I almost can't imagine that," he admitted.

        "Well, the one I had with my brother over that layabout ragamuffin he was so taken with," Johnny said thoughtfully, a hoof on her chin.

        "Mrs. Cake?" he asked incredulously.

        "Oh yes," Johnny said, and nodded.

        "Excuse me," Woona suddenly got up and left the table.

        "I'll -" Celly began.

        "I'll do it," the Big Guy replied, "I think I know what's bugging her. It's happened here before. The advantage of already having the answer in hand."

        Celly nodded and watched him head after her sister. She sighed happily, then looked at the two grinning Apples, and everyone else at the table. "I did want to distance myself from the throne and the pedestal," she said quietly, but not too quietly.

        Several of the others chuckled at her chagrin.


        "When do you suppose it will hatch?" Celestia asked Luna as her sister carried the weird horn/egg under her wing.

        "Knowing him, at the least convenient time possible," Luna answered sharply.

        "I can carry it," Celestia offered.

        "No, thank you," Luna replied sharply as they trotted back towards the base camp, which had been completely struck and was being loaded for return to Canterlot. "Two days," Luna sighed, "Two days I'd rather not live over."

        "Why? We were able to be who we were in the old days, with no ponies, save those we trust, to see how we reacted," Celestia said, "It isn't that we are goddesses as some want to believe. But we are powerful."

        "I've never believed in the whole 'hide who you are to not offend others' business," Luna said.

        "I've noticed that," Celestia replied tartly.

        "Still, I didn't like seeing myself, who I could really be," Luna said, "I can understand why Nightmare chose me, instead of you or any of the others. You are far more easily angered, but I am more easily enraged. It is not a welcome revelation."

        "It is something to overcome. I find I am more, irritated and disappointed these days," Celestia offered and draped a wing over her sister. "I am glad that we could help another Celestia and another Luna regain their beloved sister." She stopped and nuzzled her sister.

        Luna rubbed her cheek on her sister's neck.

        Celestia peered at Luna's wing. "Not inconvenient enough I guess," Celestia commented.

        Luna grimaced at her sister. "Probably on the flight home," Luna observed, "Would a budget meeting count as convenient or inconvenient?"

        "Convenient," the two sisters said together and chuckled.

        "I rather liked being 'in the field'," Celestia said, "Something refreshing about ponies not wanting your opinion on absolutely everything. Just which direction and at whom to point their weapons. You can even leave it up to the commanders when to charge."

        "Don't say that back at court, you'll have every ambassador in a tizzy," Luna warned.

        "Perhaps at the next soiree, where the bureaucrats, generals and artists have all cloistered in their separate groups together, I could mention it to the generals," Celestia mused.

        "Mention it to the artists," Luna suggested and rolled her eyes. Then she paused and considered her sister's thoughtful expression. "Don't, it was a joke!"

        "But humor always carries a seed of truth," Celestia said, "Perhaps I should ask the artists if it's a good idea to ask the generals?"

        "And Discord thinks he's the sole spirit of Chaos dwelling on Equestria," Luna grumped.

        Celestia grimaced and glared at her sister. "You remember when you said I'm more easily angered?"

        "Celestia, I," Luna stammered.

        "That wasn't one of them," the Solar Diarch said with a grin.

        Luna turned and addressed the precious cargo she carried under her wing. "Your aunt is nuts."

        "Your mommy needs to lighten up," Celestia added, "You wanted foals. I wonder, filly, colt, twins? Triplets?"

        Luna shuddered at the last. "I'll just be glad if they are ponies. But, Nightmare and your horn. What kind of ponies will they be?"

        "Alicorns possibly," Celestia said.

        "I mean, personality," Luna said, and gazed at her wing again.

        "I think that may have more to do with us, than where they came from," Celestia said and paused at the perimeter. The guards clearly confused at what their sovereigns were giggling about.


        Rainbow looked longingly at the mug of cider in front of her, then pushed it in front of Applejack. The farmpony sat with her chin on the table, staring at her circle of friends. Even Winona sensed her mood and sat beside her. Big Mac and Applebloom were in the parlor just staring out the windows.

        "Land sake's child," Granny said as she tottered in, "They aren't your folks, but they are your kin."

        "Thank you," Applejack said. "But I, I can't believe that."

        "Applejack, you buried your ma and pa. I buried my children," the old mare said wistfully. "I don't care about the 'how', I'll leave that to eggheads. Somepony who looks like our Johnnies is back. Maybe the Big Guy wanted to teach Discord how you could give somepony everything they think they want, and a great gift it is, and still raise a ruckus. Maybe Discord learned on his own and wanted to show all of us a bit about the difference 'tween wishin' and havin'. Now those folks is lost and alone. Ain't right we turn our back to'em cause they talk funny and make us uncomfortable. Your friend Zecora is proof of that."

        "I guess granny, it's gonna be hard," Applejack said.

        "Hard as seeing your son and daughter alive again?" Granny said, "I ain't the only one goin' through that. Right now, they might even be thinkin' you and Big Mac don't need'em no more. That'd hurt worse than dyin'."

        Applejack's head came up and she stared at her grandmother.

        "Before anyone does anything precipitate," Rarity said carefully, nodding to the Apple matriarch, "I think a cooling off period might be in order. Which means don't force them into anything, immediately." She said the last directly to Pinkie Pie.

        "That's why the party is scheduled day after tomorrow," Pinkie Pie innocently replied, and held up the calendar.

        Rarity decided to take the partial victory as presented. "And no 'pre-party parties.'"

        "Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye," Pinkie pinkie promised. "I'm going to be too busy planning the party anyway."

        "Twi, what about you?" Applejack said.

        "Hey egghead, anybody home?" Rainbow asked and waved her hoof in front of Twilight's face. When she got no reaction, she moved Twilight's cider in front of herself.

        "Blueblood's foals," Twilight whispered. Then shouted, "I was pregnant with Blueblood's foals! How could I do that?! Even in a universe ruled by Discord's sister, how could that much insanity collect in my mind!?" Twilight shuddered violently, collected her purloined cider and downed it in one gulp. "That didn't help," Twilight said, and fell over.

        "None of the private stock for her," Granny said firmly.

        "By Celestia," Twilight said dreamily, "I'm full of -" Twilight's eyes crossed and her cheeks bulged.

        "Bucket!" Applejack yelled in alarm.


        The Big Guy followed the morose filly closely as she walked with her nose practically plowing the ground before her. He said nothing, but stood once so she was staring directly at his shadow while she walked. At a small footbridge he raced ahead and sat down, she nearly ran into him.

        "If you're trying to cheer me up, don't bother," she said quietly. Like a serious five-year-old.

        "Feeling that you betrayed your sister and her people and don't deserve another chance?" he asked pointedly.

        She shied back, then glared at him. He returned it.

        "You don't deserve it. It's a gift from others, don't forget that. Some give it for their own aggrandizement, others so someone might do it for them, and a few because it's right and proper to give the penitent another chance," he told her.

        She sighed. "What do you know about it?" she asked.

        "The local Luna went through it herself," he explained, "While Discord's description of long crying jags, and drowning unfortunate servants in oceans of tears are likely an exaggeration, I suspect there may be a kernel of truth in the stories. And don't think you're the only being on this bridge who has had an 'oh my God what have I done' moment that wakes you up in a cold sweat. When you can with absolute calm, toss a phosphorous grenade in the open hatch of a tank, and cook five people alive, to protect your chums. Then you can feel the horror of hearing their screams, and realizing they're just kids. Kids who slaughtered a bunch of your countrymen in cold blood a few days earlier and were planning on doing the same to you, but kids none-the-less. That wasn't me trapped in my own mind watching some alien entity move me like a puppet. That was me looking at the tank coming down the road and thinking 'not again, not on my watch'. That was me, very consciously burning to death everyone in that tank. It wasn't brave or noble, leaning out of a window to dump a grenade through a hatch the commander was too stupid to close. You think that doesn't haunt me to this day. A bunch of stupid kids who bought into the lies, and an adult not much older than them made them pay a terrible price for youthful stupidity. You got caught when you were down, and never could fight back. Getting angry, not seeing the facts was your fault. Everything Nightmare Moon did with your body, not your fault."

        "I don't deserve forgiveness. I should have fought harder. I should never have let Nightmare Moon trust Sombra," she replied quietly.

        "And exactly what would you have done differently? I encountered Nightmare myself. She wasn't rational, and was too arrogant to be even vaguely smart. But she knew how to play people."

        "Then how did you escape?" Woona accused.

        "I gave her a strawman to play," he told her, "While I kept the real me hidden. When you know all the promises are lies or will be hollow if delivered, it's a lot easier not to give in. You're going to have to get used to your sister blaming herself, almost entirely, for what happened. Not you. Her immediate offer of forgiveness was because she thinks it's her fault."

        Woona stared at him in confusion.

        "Been through it before, remember?" he asked, "Just accept her forgiveness, and forgive her in turn. It doesn't matter if you 'deserve it'. Forgiveness is about you giving up the emotional baggage, the forgiven is almost immaterial."

        "You don't strike me as a 'forgive and forget' sort," Woona said.

        "I don't forget," he admitted, "But that means I watch for a relapse, but I am not out manufacturing one to fit my pain."

        "I don't know if I can," she admitted s she turned away, "Forgive myself."

        "That'll come later. For today, forgive your sister. Whether you think she's done anything wrong or not, it's what she needs."

        "That I can do," Woona said, and turned around, "Rather straight, that furrow. Maybe the Apples need a new plow." She started walking back towards the restaurant.

        "You do realize the food's gotten cold by now," he offered.

        She growled at him then galloped towards her destination.


        Lyra watched the pair return. She'd had a clue when Holly Hock had collected their plates and took them away. The filly Woona spoke quietly to the filly Celly. While the Big Guy retook his seat, seemingly unconcerned about the two fillies wandering off, he smiled at Bonbon and looked around at the others.

        He alone didn't react to the anguished cry from filly Celly. Even Holly Hock looked out of the kitchen at the sound. Filly Celly had wrapped her forelegs and wings around filly Woona, fallen on her rear haunches and was sobbing n anguish. The other filly seemed disturbed by the depths of her sister's reaction, but spoke soothing words and stroked her mane.

        If not for the gentle pose and words, Lyra thought as she watched the young duplicates of their Diarchs play out a scene their rulers might have, If you just go by filly Celly, filly Woona just carved her heart out.

        "Ten bits says he convinces our Celestia and Luna to play out the same scene," Bonbon said acidly, "That's what I'm talking about. He teaches Luna a few words that reduce Celestia to that. And you think we don't have a reason to be afraid?"

        "Maybe," Lyra admitted, "But we'll be stronger with him than without him. And you haven't given him a fair chance. He isn't what you're afraid of. What you're afraid of is he's better than most ponies. He wouldn't paint 'Ponies go home' on our doors. He wouldn't shun someone like Zecora because he was afraid. He'd do what Twilight did, go and meet her."

        "And shoot her if she charged," Bonbon said, "We heard that shooting for hours. What fights like that?"

        "What fights for us like that?" Lyra asked. "Okay, that is scary. People he barely knows and he does that. We don't know what he'll want for it, or maybe we do. Acceptance, friendship, people, ponies to watch over him when he's weak. Maybe a puzzle or two. You might as well fear her Highness will level Ponyville because it obstructs a clear view of the Everfree. Could she? Yes. Would she? Never."

        "I'll think about it," Bonbon said, "Next you'll tell me he's an expert candy maker."

        "You could ask," Lyra teased.


        Despite arriving back at the house in the middle of the day, none of the group was eager to remain awake. The previous days' events over a very filling meal had most of them in a torpor. The tour of the house was low key, kitchen, bathroom, and the bedrooms.

        "You're being quiet," Sveti said to Trixie as the pair trailed the group. They watched the Apples return to the living room to curl up together on the floor, then Lyra and Bonbon took the spare bedroom.

        "Trying to take it all in. Thousands of worlds, some like ours, some not, but in subtle ways. They speak his language, not ours, Sparkle marries Blueblood and they have a family. And the investigation and the battle," Trixie said. She shook out her mane. "I guess what really gets me is for all my boasts, I can actually claim I was there for this. Was an important part of it, and no one will believe me. I'll actually have to fabricate what I did here, because telling them what I actually did will break their willing suspension of disbelief, will jar them out of the mental state I want them in to enjoy the show."

        "You could break up what you did into digestible chunks. And let it build," Sveti offered.

        "Then the show would look like a cheap let down. Nothing I could do on stage would match what I did. Fighting an Ursa, I could duplicate in miniature on stage. But untangling a dimensional knot, fighting that plant, helping bring about another pair of princesses. How do I do that?"

        "Rest, and think on it," Sveti said.

        The two alicorns had already jumped onto the bed. Derpy put Dinky up there and waited while the Big Guy went to change and use the bathroom.

        "I think the Big Guy has gotten himself more trouble than he thinks," Sveti whispered to Trixie, nodding to the Celly foal. The beautiful little mare was staring longingly at the door.

        "It took Luna a year to grow up, and she's only recently returned to her pre-mooning state," Trixie said. As she joined the others on the huge bed "I think they can restrain themselves."

        "Read more ancient history," Sveti said, collected a small pillow and curled up on the floor.


        Celestia enjoyed the feeling of flight almost as much as she enjoyed the chagrined expressions on her troops as she 'deigned' to share the skies with them. The chariots were loaded with gear and Luna rode one of the smaller, scout chariots, cradling the 'egg' under her wing.

        I guess I do feel a bit jealous, she thought, He offered the candy striped horn to both of us. Luna hesitated less than I did. My horn, and Nightmare, both from another world. I can't imagine willingly giving up my horn, even to stop Nightmare. I guess I'm not as selfless as my little ponies think I am. I do have limits. She glanced back at Ponyville. Of course, he could probably talk a mule out of one of her legs, so maybe it wasn't as selfless as I thought.

        She watched carefully as the chariot entered the landing pattern, only for Luna to direct it towards her observatory.

        "I guess you don't want to wait?" Celestia asked as her sister disembarked.

        She thanked the guards before answering. "I figured waiting in the air was most inconvenient place. This would either hatch aboard a small air-chariot, or we'd force our way through the pattern to make an emergency landing. Guaranteeing all the loose-tongues in Canterlot would be wagging about it."

        "Well, I suspect the loose tongue we brought with us will be wagging enough," Celestia said as she left her sister, "You'll do well as a mother." She hastened her leaving considerably.

        Celestia, Solar Diarch, Ruler of Equestria retook the mantle of pampered leader of an admiring populace as soon as she touched down. Maids and servants silently fussed over how to return her to pristine condition, as if walking among ordinary ponies, and especially out in the wilds threatened to permanently stain her, and those stains would redound negatively on them. She politely ignored them, and ordered those with the endless paperwork of office to follow.

        Blueblood, to Celestia's surprise, was among a group of soldiers. Unfortunately, they saluted on spotting her, warning her quarry.

        "Oh, Auntie Celly," Blueblood bowed low, a clear 'tell' he knew he had done something he would be punished for. "I was just regaling these guards of the great battle and the brave exploits of their noble ruler, co-ruler."

        "Like being barraged and covered with cake, and having Luna with fifty-seven settings of flatware magnetized to her?" Celestia asked.

        Blueblood looked aghast. "I was leaving out the more, regrettable, parts."

        Oops, she thought but kept looking placidly at him, a sure way to break him down.

        "I'm in trouble again, aren't I?" he said, "I should just go to my room?"

        She nodded. He nodded to the soldiers and slunk off.

        "An official statement will be made later. My nephew tends to exaggerate," Celestia said.

        The guards might have been carved of stone for all their reaction. Then they saluted as one.

        Once more unto the breach, she thought then turned to face the functionaries and their endless needs, I sometimes think this job is like an elephant being devoured by ants.


        Blueblood didn't much mind being sent to his room. As punishments went, that was usually the end of it. I already planted the seeds that there is another Celestia and Luna, and let the wet hens work out that they are now even farther from the throne than before. And that if Celestia or Luna fell ill, they might even call on other worlds for help. Putting the 'eventual rise to the throne' even further away. But I must work out some 'innocent' questions for our lovely tea-party later. The one with my sovereign, and my mother. He nearly growled at the realization.

        He returned to his quarters, looked on the long-suffering servants who expected an explosion after two days off while he was in the field. "Go home," he wailed, "I want to be alone!" He threw himself on the bed.

        One remained behind to monitor when he'd want pampering again. He decided he'd give that last unfortunate the rest of the wonderful day off. He tossed a small bagful of bits to the one who'd likely lost the selection. "Go away, go buy yourself something fabulous," he moaned and buried his head in the pillows.

        Another guaranteed sale for Miss Rarity. It might be a 'revenge on Blueblood' purchase, but they are wearing and enjoying the clothes. I guess I should 'catch' them, praise the clothes and demand the servants' attire be redesigned. That'll make everyone happy.

        Suddenly a problem that had actually been vexing him came into clear focus. Drat, I sent them all away, Blueblood thought, Well, it's not as though the Gala is that close. After what happened last time, I think Auntie Celestia will invite them again. Just to drive poor Captain Armor crazy.

        He carefully wrote out the note and sealed it in the envelope. He then rearranged nearly everything in the room, so he couldn't 'find anything out of place' to complain about later. After all, if I've redecorated, it has to be perfect, he thought and considered his next move.


        "Celly! Woona! I am so glad you stopped by to see your old friend!" Discord said happily to the two dreamshades who looked anything but friendly. He ignored their combative stance and expressions as he walked across the perimeter of the Big Guy's dreamscape. "Now, since you can actually talk to him, a good bit of sifting to find you I might add, if you're going to enter his dreams, ask. He's rather protective of his privacy. That was the local alicorns' mistake," he said, then added seriously, "And a bad one."

        "Discord, what are you saying?" Celly demanded.

        "Oh that fire! He's just gonna love you all grown up." Discord did a happy dance, losing pieces that continued to dance along with him.

        "I feel he goes to pieces rather more easily than before. A joyful student, no doubt," the gray sphere said as it approached. "I am Tom, a bit of Discord that rather early got the whole picture. Rather than lose the joy of discovery, we separated, amicably." He looked at the alicorn foals and chuckled. "Ah yes, the look of stunned incomprehension does me good, but ignorance is not bliss. To wit. Your local counterparts, rather than let him complete his breakdown and start his recovery, bottled up what was boiling inside. They later made several forays into his dreams, seriously disturbing them, him, or both. It makes poor sense to seal something under high-pressure away, then both weaken the seals and ramp up the internal pressure."

        "Happy! Happy! Joy! Joy!" Discord announced as he danced by.

        "Quite. In any case, we request you refrain from unauthorized entry into his mind or dreams. One of the least disturbing was orchestrated by Discord, that alone should be a warning. He turned your local counterparts into creatures more like him, translating your beauty into an appearance he'd better comprehend. The disaster came about when he underestimated Celestia's reaction and attraction. She's rather afraid of him, and so took the opportunity to 'press his buttons' as it were. While that heaped confusion on an already confused situation, it did reduce tension. The unsolicited and unexpected invasions went markedly less well."

        "I have spent ten centuries as Nightmare Moon, what could he possibly know that would compare with that?" Woona said.

        Tom turned. "Dieppe. Caen. Kapyong." Each image was a collage of stills, only up for a moment. But the horror and death each contained stunned the two alicorns. "And that wasn't the worst of it," Tom said, "Should I go on?"

        "No," Celly said quietly. "We only want him to know how grateful we are."

        "Then sneaking in here is a terrible way to show it," Discord scolded as he skated along the ceiling. "I didn't pick you to make things worse." His head detached and rotated to talk to Celly. "I picked you because I thought you'd listen, and help things along. The first 'help' is not to completely screw up the way your predecessor did."

        "Why should we help you?" Celly asked acidly.

        Discord reached down and put his hands on his cheeks. "Why would I ever suggest such a thing?" he asked, "You're helping yourself. Your sister is back. You have a whole host of ponies to be friends with, and a very dangerous alien who needs all the hugs and cuddles he can get to keep from going mad. That I benefit in the slightest shouldn't color your actions."

        "And what do you expect from us?" Woona asked.

        "Chaos," Discord said, "The ponies will be confused. Your language will confuse them. The Big Guy will be confused, and best of all: you'll all be desperately searching for the hidden, evil plan ole Discord has brewing."

        "Which is?" Celly asked.

        "Not having one!" Discord said delightedly, "Watching you try and disprove that will be hilarious!"

        "Understanding at this point is not required," Tom said.

        "To whom are you talking?" Woona asked.

        "Anyone who is listening," Tom replied. "I think a few data about the last successful incursion can wait a day or so. You two need to recover, and so does he."

        "Yes, his dreams have been positively boring during this nap," Discord said as he poured from the ceiling into his usual shape, right side up, on the floor. "Which when compared with utterly horrifying and terrifying, is a huge improvement."

        "You actually like him?" Celly asked incredulously, "You're fond of him?"

        "He's interesting and useful. I want to keep him around," Discord said dismissively, "Is that so surprising?"

        "I apologize for saying it is," Celly said, "Does the local Celestia know?"

        "Oh yes," Discord said angrily, "I published it in the Canterlot Times, so the whole world knows. What do you think? I never went to the extents that those ponies did to each other. Yet I end up in stone and they are 'my little ponies'. Yes I was rougher and scarier than they were, but I never extorted food, and left ponies to homeless and starving as government policy, and I certainly didn't whistle up a force to genocide all races of ponies."

        "I was just curious," Celly admitted quietly.

        "Well, to satisfy your real curiosity, he likes teasing, as long as it doesn't embarrass him in public, and it doesn't hurt anyone he cares about. A challenge, but don't play hot and cold the way Princess Luna has, he really doesn't need to be confused about people he cares about. In fact, I think he's kind of sweet on Celestia, you know how charming you can be," Discord said and got Celly to fetchingly blush, "So be subtle, but be clear, and then . . . "

        " 'Then'?" Celly asked.

        Discord shook his head, "Not Safe for Woona," he explained.

        The miniaturized Lunar Diarch gave a frustrated snort. "Just because I look like I'm a foal doesn't mean I'm a foal."

        "Yes," Discord said, his chin on his paw as he stared at Celly, his head and paw orbiting her, "That might be a problem for a while, him reciprocating, that shouldn't stop you from trying. Laying, a foundation as it were."

        The tractor beam from Tom dragged Discord away. "Pardon us. Ladies," Tom said graciously, then faced Discord. "What are you doing?" he whispered fiercely, "She's emotionally vulnerable, and so is he. The local Celestia is conflicted because of her fears, but this newcomer was gifted by a total stranger with the return of her beloved sister. She has no conflicts."

        "I did that on purpose," Discord said quietly, "Chaos is what I do."

        Tom paused for a few moments, then nodded. "All right, granted. Well played. But if she's able to absorb power and internalize it more quickly than Luna did, and there's every reason to assume these two will, we'll lose our Everybody rating in a dozen or fewer chapters."

        "Ah, got it handled," Discord said and glanced down, "Comments, comments, comments," he muttered as he scanned through them. "Ah, yes. Ahem, 'Have Luna bang something, anything!' And the author replied: 'With an Everyone tag, a drum is about the best you'll get.' Okay author-boy, lay it on me!"

        Discord turned iridescent purple and his left side became a perfect mirror image of his right.

        "GAAAAAH!" Discord screamed. And looked at himself in horror. "Okay, Mr. Author, sir, no strike that," Discord said.

        "You don't know the author's a 'mister'," Tom warned.

        "Ah, Dan_s Comments, would you be so good as to deliver what we discussed earlier?" Discord said politely, then whispered, "This guy's got a real mean streak."

        "You've read the whole story, and you're just noticing that?" Tom asked incredulously.

        An O-daiko appeared as Discord returned to normal.

        "Here it is," Discord indicated the 30-foot tall by 30-foot long drum. "We can play hachijo-daiko style, you beating the beat, and I do the flourishes. Just about anything can be hidden behind that. And it'll be so loud even if she's screaming, 'I'm the cheese, my hair's the rubber cheese' at the top of her lungs, no one will hear."

        Despite being a perfect, featureless sphere of uniform, matte gray, Tom projected the impression of a raised eyebrow and sardonic smirk.

        "I don't know her mane and tail were prehensile!" Discord shouted.

        " 'Rubber cheese'?" Woona asked her sister. The solar Diarch's blush tinged the scene red.

        "I was drunk!" Discord shouted at his tormentors. Then looked at Woona. "She was very gentle." He turned to Tom. "It was only once."

        "Your choice or hers?" Tom asked to prevent Discord from digging himself in deeper.

        Discord sighed. "Look, I can appreciate you being 'snarkier than thou', but can you give it a rest? Please."

        "No," Tom replied.

        Discord and Celly cringed.

        "You see, I have to make a mark on the audience. So when Discord, not just the little piece that is you, but the whole honking critter himself, makes his triumphal appearance, I have to have developed enough independent personality and character that I won't simply be absorbed."

        "But I'm Discord, and so are you," Discord said.

        "Both of us are discord, but only the gent in the Canterlot Gardens is Discord. You are permitted his name and you will integrate flawlessly within him. I was created by you, here. Think about that. A shadow of Discord's power created an exact duplicate, just as powerful as he was. You didn't divide your power between us. You created me ex nihilo, from nothing. Where did you get the power to do that?"

        "From him," Celly realized, "He took the ambient energy here and created a duplicate of himself. But the forces weren't pure discord. You aren't as chaotic."

        "I am equally chaotic, but I am less discordant. I have a slightly independent existence. I do not wish to be parted from Discord, as I am him, but I do not wish to be subsumed by him on his restoration. Therefore, I must exercise my self to strengthen and define it. Interdependency rather than dependancy or independence."

        "What will happen if you aren't strong enough?" Woona asked worriedly as she approached the sphere.

        "My self will be erased. The small amount of what I am may slightly effect Discord, but I will be gone," Tom said.

        "Yes, I would like to keep you around," Discord said nervously, "And if I am a mirror of the original, he wouldn't want you destroyed either. Please continue." Discord wandered off, looking pensive and uncertain.

        "What's bothering him?" Celly asked.

        Tom and Woona looked at each other. "He just realized," they said.

        "He had a child, and never realized that was what he did," Woona said.

        "I hadn't considered the possibility until recently," Tom admitted, "I thought I was an evolved piece of Discord. The lessons seemed patently obvious to me. If the power that was teaching those lessons was what allowed me to exist, it is not hard to imagine why I'd have insight into its thinking and life-philosophy." Tom looked around. "Since you can talk to him, you might want to ask his waking mind to enter his dreams. He will tell you whether he is comfortable with it or not. Excuse me, I don't think Discord should be alone right now."

        Tom floated away, leaving the stunned ponies to consider.


        I have no idea why I'm doing this, Celly thought as she nosed open the door to Discord's private quarters. I should be enjoying the exact suffering and uncertainty he inflicted on so many others. But I can't. She looked around and the sparsely furnished space. The windows all showing different weird scenes, and Discord sitting in a chair that while hard to imaging as a functional chair, seemed to fit him perfectly.

        "Come to laugh at me?" Discord said as he stared at a plastic disc smaller than a plate, but larger than a saucer. It was vaguely shiny, but Discord wasn't using it as a mirror.

        "No," Celly said, "Tom said he'd come, then his nerve broke. 'Woona' is looking after him."

        "So, come to see how I'm doing?" Discord said. He shook his head, and laughed mirthlessly. He got ready to throw the disc, but stopped, and carefully put it away in a small, padded case. "It was easier, before. Before I knew all this. I'd do something, and I wouldn't care what happened, as long as nobody was killed, it didn't matter. I'd create a duplicate of me, and when I was done, poof, back inside. Now."

        He turned to face her. He looked confused and contrite. "Now. Tom isn't exactly me. I don't want to lose him. This Big Guy, I could squash him like a bug. I could give a kick here, a shove there and he'd fly to pieces like an exploding boiler." He stared at Celly. "But I don't want to. I want to prevent those things from happening." He turned away. "Having a world without them wouldn't be as much fun. Easier, less lecturey and naggy, but less fun."

        Celly walked up to him. "Is that why you rescued Luna, and me?"

        "Please, I didn't rescue you. I picked you and Luna to rescue him. Everything he did, he did under his own steam. I just pointed the way to reach you. The instant he knew about Sombra, he was all himself. I just stood back and watched."

        "Like watching an artist paint a picture you commissioned?" Celly asked.

        "Yes." Discord smiled. "That seems very like it."

        "You don't resent the creation, you don't envy him and you are learning," Celly said and tried to keep from grinning. "Discord, you have a friend."

        He turned and frowned at her. "Princess Celestia," he said scornfully, "I figured that out when he gave me the show which is on that disc. When he gave me this chair and this private space. All without me asking. Giving me the power to create Tom. That's what's bothering me, your Highness. I've been creating new life with my teacher. Not some critter made of random parts of things that existed before. A true fusion never done before. I'm a father, or a mother, or whatever. What he let me do, is have to take responsibility. He didn't stop me, he probably didn't know what I was doing, and he certainly hasn't scolded me or forced me to delete Tom. He hasn't demanded I don't create more. I always wanted to be an artist. A true purveyor of Chaos. My teacher asked if I wanted to be an inflictor, an advocate, an enjoyer, or some combination. I didn't know. But now I created my masterwork, completely on a whim." His hand moved to the case and retrieved it. He held it on his chest and stared. "And now I find out that it is impermanent. That something I created and want to continue, is threatened. And there is nothing I can do to save him."

        "It's hard," Celly said, "I think I will feel as you do, when the reality of Nightmare Moon's and Sombra's last battle hits me. Nearly all my ponies gone, and all I feel is joy that my sister is returned. They deserve to be remembered and mourned. By today, I feel only joy." She looked at Discord. "You have discovered the reason ponies fear and hate Chaos. Some things they want to go on forever. Some things they want stopped never to return. Chaos means they get neither of those. Too much order and they never can get out of the rut they are in." She took each step closer to Discord with growing trepidation.

        I know he'll do something, she thought, But what? If this isn't all just an act? What did Tom say 'danger invites rescue'?

        "I'm not going to do something stupid Celly. Please don't take this the wrong way, but you aren't as interesting as the native Celestia. She and I have a history, that perhaps you and the Discord from your world do not."

        " 'My hair is a rubber cheese'? I think not," Celly said and got close enough to brush the tears from Discord's face off with a wing. "But thank you for your part of rescuing my sister, even secondhand. I shouldn't have to tell you this, but everything changes."

        "I don't want this to change," Discord admitted, "There I said it. And when the main me does break lose, will there be time to keep from assimilating him?"

        "I don't have an answer, I don't know how it will work. One possibility is send him far away when the assimilation takes place. The delay may make it more controllable."

        "Thank you. Oh, one of the dreams that I let Celestia, Luna and Trixie share with him, I changed them. This is how the native Celestia looked and felt."

        "Oh, my," Celly commented as she tried to get used to the new balances and bend points of her bipedal form. "This is the adult version I take it? Soft and lumpy?"

        "Yes. Celestia was the most forward, but nothing ever came of it. Every opportunity that presented itself, she'd never take the last step. I think she is genuinely terrified of him at a fundamental level."

        "So, the local Luna is more interested?" Celly tried taking a step, Discord caught her hand before she could tumble over. "Thank you. This is very strange."

        "She runs hot and cold. She's very picky about her dignity, and she also seems to want to step aside for her sister, or not approach because her sister is afraid of him. I honestly think she's just as terrified."

        "Why?" Celly asked, utterly mystified.

        "Because he beat most of the villains of Equestria, roped me in, and has all this new technology and no doubt new social ideas. He could potentially be worse than me if I returned to the old ways."

        "Zap him with the Elements," Celly said, "Please change me back. I'm getting vertigo."

        He gestured and she was a filly again. "He took a point blank hit from the Elements, they just knocked him unconscious, but that might have been fatigue. He's more fragile than most ponies. She could easily have one of the guard just buck him a few times. After the first solid hit, he'd be too damaged to evade the next dozen or so."

        "I don't think she'd murder someone like that," Celly said.

        "Just pointing it out. Now a few of the things Celly did, and I wasn't teasing you about teasing him. He likes a playfulness, but at the same time be direct. If you incite the game, mean it. If you run away, it's because you want to be caught. He'll take 'no' for an answer, just never expect him to ask again. He'll assume 'no' is always the answer."

        "How did he manage to have children like that?" Celly asked.

        "His wife was direct, and that's a subject I wouldn't broach at all. She's out of the picture, when, how and why is not something I've found evidence of in my travels, so it's a tightly guarded secret."

        "Understood."

Chiquitita - Abba
Songwriters: Benny Goran Bror Andersson, Bjoern K. Ulvaeus, Marcelo Kotliar