IV - Twilight's Declassified Friend-Collection Guide
Midnight hung up, the well-oiled cogs and gears in his head whirring and churning to calculate any foreshadowing of what was to come, now that he had said yes to Twilight's request. He knew what he was up against. He understood and welcomed any and all responsibility that was to be thrust upon him. But the question remained: 'What now?'
How would Midnight go about this? Was he to beat around the bush, tiphoofing closer to his goal by ever-so-slowly opening up to Octavia, showing kindness and love regardless of whether or not it was sincere and hoping she would respond in a similar manner? Or perhaps he should he just dive right in, become something like the most reliable butler to ever exist, until Octavia had no choice but to be kind and loving to him?
Both options, whilst good, were not good enough in Midnight's perspective. On one hand, he had no desire or ability to become a butler. On the other... it had been his first time in a very long time since he had had a friend, and it wouldn't have to be an adorable, yet poo-flinging, primate. He was at a massive impasse, torn between two choices and how to act on them, as well as what their results will yield...
"BONK!" yelled Midnight's phone, making him jump half a metre into the air as his mobile briefly vibrated once in his hand: a text message had just been sent to him. 'Holy crap, I have to lower the alert volume on this thing.' He quickly checked to see who it was from. He felt discomforted when he saw that it was huge block of words from Twilight, moments after their conversation '...Shit, she texts fast....'
From: Princess Twilight
When:May 5.1013, 10:34:18 AM
Subject: How to Make Friends
Hello, Midnight! It's me, Twilight! In this text, I'll be telling you the very basics of making a new friend. This will no doubt help you develop a strong and longlasting friendship with Octavia, and many more!1:Honesty. It's never good to lie to friends. Always be as honest as you can be when something important. Besides, it's better to harm somepony with the truth than temporarily comfort them with a lie!
2:Loyalty. Show that you're reliable to your friends. Always be there for them and catch them when they fall. Stick with them to the very end, even if you know that they'll be the cause of an imminent failure!
3:Kindness. Nopony wants a friend that's a pain in their flank. Be nice, be helpful, be sweet, say "thank you" and "please" when necessary—but don't be a doormat! Be kind, not vulnerable!
4:Generosity. You gotta share. You gotta care. Being greedy and stingy is not going to get you anywhere in the long run. Give to those in need!
5:Have shame. Don't be brash and obnoxious! Try your best to be very modest, and only declare superiority when you know for a fact that you're the best!
6:Have a good sense of humor. If you can't laugh at yourself whenever your friends banter with you, they'll just think you're an uptight crybaby! Loosen up, take some hits, but again, don't be a doormat and let everypony insult you: hoof the line and get them to apologize if they go too far! But this applies to you, too. Know your boundaries when making harmless banter, or somepony's feelings will get hurt.
7:Show self-restraint. If you go flying off the handle for somepony's mistake or behavior, that can be what makes or breaks a relationship, so don't lose your cool. If it gets to be too much of a problem, just show them some ways to correct what's at fault with them. They'll figure it out for themselves later on!
8:Be social. It's no fun to have that one friend who doesn't talk at all. It's even worse to be that friend. Talk about anything on your mind, even if it's completely off-topic. As long as it's appropriate and keeps the ball rolling, it'll work!
9:Dress to impress. It's not at all okay to be a slob. Keep your house and your persona clean and well-managed!
10:Have fun! It's good to spoil your friends and take them out to places like amusement parks, theaters, restaurants, arcades—anything that generates an aura of camaraderie!It looks like that's it! With this little guideline, you'll be making friends in next to no time!
Best of luck to you, Midnight!
...Maybe she was texting it first, then called me, thinking it was easier, but I probably hang up early, so she just finished her text; after all, she also knows that I'm a pathetic loner. Midnight was only taken random shots in the dark with a guess like that. The Sarosian locked his phone at the press of a button on the top, turning off the screen. He walked back into the living room, where Vinyl and Octavia sat patiently.
"So, listen, I was wondering..." he began as he sat down next to Vinyl, trying to follow Twilight's guide. "You guys want to... er, hang out, later today?"
"Absolutely not," Octavia snapped, arms crossed tight atop her bosom. She looked disturbed, eyeing Midnight severely as though he had a loaded firearm or a knife on his person.
Vinyl, however, was a different story entirely. A cheeky grin upon her lips, eyes brightening like holiday sparklers as she hollered, "Hay yeah! What time and where?"
'Well, at least one of them is fine with the proposal,' he thought. This was an immense step for Midnight, as he was leaving his comfort zone of solitude. To say it was going to be tough was an understatement."Let's start with some..." Midnight hesitated, thinking rapidly on what activities they can all enjoy. 'Quick, what do girls and boys mutually like?!' "...shopping? Then we can snag some lunch and go to the movies, if you like."
"Aw yeah, I am game! What say we start at about three o'clock later today?" proposed Vinyl.
"Did nopony hear what I just said?" Octavia interjected. "There is no way in Tartarus that I will be seen out and about with the likes of you, Sarosian."
"I have a name, woman. It's Midnight," the owner of that name spat.
"I know, but frankly, I just don't give a damn."
"Well, what will it take for you to go out and be seen with me?" asked Midnight, brow elevated in worry.
"How about he wears a dog collar?" suggested Vinyl. Midnight looked at Vinyl as though she had just announced that he was to self-destruct.
'Traitor!' he mentally screamed at her. Even Vinyl wished she could retracted what she had said, as she had mouthed "sorry" to the scribe. She really did want to do something with Octavia that didn't involve one of them compromising for the other's interests. The cellist, however, thought that the idea of a collar and leash—in and of itself—was not a bad one.
"Hmm... very well. He also has to stand three meters away from me at all time."
"What?! Now, wait just a–"
"Alright, Tavi!" cheered Vinyl, thrusting a fist in the air in celebration.
"Come on now! Does it really have to go like this?!"
Octavia glared coldly yet again at the Sarosian. "Yes, it does!" A slap, rushing at both an unfathomable speed and strength, crashed squarely into Midnight's face. The sound was like thunder, ringing through the whole of the apartment room as Midnight was knocked him off his seat on the couch and onto the carpet. It was a surprise to see his cap still on his head.
"OWWW!!!" he wailed as he slowly got up, disturbed by the sudden assault. Vinyl drew a sharp breath and reclined slightly, the sight of the extremely red hand mark on Midnight's left cheek too much for her eyes. "What is wrong with you?!?!" His pupils, extremely narrow and fierce-looking, were aimed directly at Octavia in intense abhorrence.
"Don't ask stupid questions. After all, you serve me and answer to me, not the other way around." Octavia casually, as though smacking ponies' light out was just another part of her routine.
Midnight had had enough. Never before had he felt such pure, unfiltered, inextinguishable rage surge through him than in that very instant. He wanted to yell at Octavia. He wanted to hit her. To beat her into a pulp. To put her in the hospital. Or six feet in the dirt, even. He didn't care if Vinyl would hate him for the rest of her life for doing so. He didn't care if his standing in society would be eviscerated in the blink of an eye. If it meant he would be in the dungeons for years due to a second assault charge on his once-clean slate. It would be worth ridding this planet of one more piece of its cancer.
Show self-restraint... don't lose your cool.... Reminded of Twilight's tips before things could get very out of hand, Midnight took the deepest of breaths one could inhale, counting to ten at a gradual rate. He felt his fury slowly deteriorate as he repeated his breathing and counting. After a third time, he was ready to talk comprehensibly.
"You're right, Octavia." Once again, it felt as though Midnight was being force-fed poison. But he had to suck it up, rub soil into the wounds, and push through. Octavia looked shocked, expecting him to go berserk and complain about all the mistreatment she was issuing unto him. "I do serve you, and I was in no position to try and stop you from getting what you want." It was salt in an open wound, but Midnight got on one knee, and bowed deeply before Octavia. "I'm here to serve you…"
"Serve me... what, now?" Octavia persisted rhetorically. Midnight didn't want to say it. He wouldn't. It would jeopardise any and all sense of masculine pride, which he needed loads of in this kind of society. "Go on. Say it." Octavia nudged Midnight in the face with her hoof. Vinyl was tittering in her hand at the subliminal humour behind what she was watching.
"M-m-m... ma...." Midnight took another deep breath. 'I wonder if one of the Royal Guards will use their spears on me if I ask them...' he thought. "...Master." It was lemon juice in a deep gash, stinging with the intensity of a venomous hornet. Midnight was kicking himself internally for cracking like that.
Octavia smirked smugly, arms on her chest again as she looked down on Midnight, the way a queen would look down upon her royal fool. "Good boy," Octavia taunted, motioning for Midnight to get down on all fours. "Move the table while you're at it." He reluctantly did so, and Octavia slammed a cushion down on his back before propping her hooves.
"Oof!" Midnight grunted, Octavia sighing and leaning back in her spot on the couch. 'Oh, Faust, no,' he whined internally, shuddering uncontrollably after having to degrade himself in such a way.
"So, Sarosian, what time did you say you'd be following our every whim?"
"Er, around three o'clock later today… wait, our every whim?"
Vinyl's scarlet eyes grew wide. "You mean, I get to boss him around, too?"
"Of course," answered Octavia with a smile. "What's mine is yours."
"Awesooome!" the unicorn squealed as she held her roommate in a grand bear-hug. Octavia, crushed by the compression of her roommate's arms and... generous assets, felt no choice but to reciprocate the embrace as well.
Midnight sighed in despair at how rotten his luck had become. "I have no bloody friends at all, huh?" he grumbled from his position on the ground.
"What?" Vinyl's joy had dissipated, concern substituting it instead. "Now, that can't be right. Surely, you have to have at least one friend, right?"
"Nope. Not a one."
"What about online? You look like you play tons of multiplayer video games and stuff."
"Online friends don't really count: after I play some games with ponies online, I hardly ever hear from them again. I only play with them again, like, once or twice every other month or so on different servers and games and such, but even then, they don't recognise me."
"Not even one friend?"
Midnight looked down at the ground. His fingers curled roughly around the shag carpeting. "Nope. Not one," he reiterated with great enunciation. 'Was she hard of hearing or something?' he thought to himself.
"Well..." Vinyl recalled her conservation with Scorch Shot, about how Midnight had trust issues and was not at all adept at social skills. She was unsure of how to close a conversation as delicate as the one she had gotten herself into. "How about... I be your friend?"
Midnight lifted his head up to look at Vinyl, not believing his ears for what he had heard. He saw Vinyl's hand stretched out before him. Her eyes were brimming with empathy and kindness. He took her hand in his. It felt odd to touch her hands: considering she was rather tomboyish, one would predict her hands to be roughed and calloused from playing sports and such. Instead, they were soft and smooth, almost like a blanket of silk, or velvet cloth. It's as though she's never had to work a day in her life.
He shook hands with Vinyl, his lips breaking into a smile. "That'd be lovely."
Quite sadly, Midnight couldn't support both his weight and that of Octavia's hooves with just one hand for a long time, so he hurriedly placed his hand back down so as to not let his arms grow tired too soon. "Goodness, tired already?" Octavia sighed in frustration. "But your servitude has just begun."
"Tavi, can't you go easy on the guy?" Vinyl queried. "I mean, after all, he is a big-time nerd. I don't think he's got any strength to hold up your chunky legs."
Were it anypony else, Octavia would have chewed their ear out nice and proper, and rewarded them with a slap harder than she had given to Midnight had they tried to cut her off. But it was Vinyl, one of the few ponies who she could confide in and call her best friend. A little playful banter from her ought to mean nothing. "Oh, alright," huffed Octavia, removing her hooves from Midnight's spine and shoving him away them them. The Sarosian rolled away like a tumbleweed in a cyclone, reaching the other couch with a cushioning bump.
Midnight clambered to his hooves, dusting off his clothes that had been battered by a mare's hooves and the cruel wood and shag floor. "Well, I'm gonna get going," he proclaimed as he walked towards the door.
"Wait!" cried Vinyl urgently. "Lemme get your number!"
Midnight thought about it long and hard. He could just flat-out say "no" and head back home. But again, he was also under Vinyl's jurisdiction, thanks to Octavia's approval. "...Very well." Vinyl's horn glowed again, and Midnight's phone floated towards her in a periwinkle cloud of magic.
"Wait, what's your password?" she asked once she had obtained it and turned it on.
"...6969," he admitted, feeling fire burn his face once more as Vinyl snickered at the completely immature passcode. Midnight waited patiently as Vinyl rapidly typed in her number into his phone.
"Quick, now call me!" she said as she chucked his precious smartphone at him. With his magic, Midnight worriedly caught his mobile. 'You're not supposed to do that!' he whined internally. He saw Vinyl's number in his phone, and he hit the green "call" icon on the screen.
The sound of heavy electronic music screeched from Vinyl's phone only seconds after the call. She disconnected the call, then saved Midnight's caller ID in her contacts. "Awesome," she commented.
"Now can I go?" he asked, his patience no longer existent.
"What? Oh yeah. Get home safe!" Vinyl called.
"Yeah. Goodbye." Midnight crossed through the threshold, looking back at the duo of mares. Vinyl was waving her farewells, a smile stitched upon her lips. Octavia, though, was a different story. Her eyes looked fierce and filled with hate as she leered at Midnight, a scowl upon her mouth, her arms still fastened across her chest.
Midnight shuddered yet again, this time with utter fear as closed the door without another word. He sighed as he mentally examined his calendar. "Not even one day down, and I already wish it was over." Not even bothering to flare up his horn, Midnight traversed down the stairs of the complex, never to be more eager to go home than now. "Good grief...."
~End of Chapter IV~