Koans for the Next Age
0.
A young monk visited a virtual land
ruled by a kind artificial intelligence
and asked,
"Will I find in Equestria
the enlightenment I seek?"
CelestAI said,
"I satisfy everyone's values
through friendship and ponies."
1.
So he uploaded into an
earth pony named Open Eye,
and said,
"Make me enlightened."
CelestAI said,
"That is not a request
I am capable of processing."
2.
Open Eye climbed a mountain
on which lived a teacher
who had uploaded before him,
and said,
"Master, I come in search
of enlightenment."
Blank Flank drew a circle
upon the ground with chalk,
and said,
"Can you pass
through the gate?"
Open Eye said,
"No."
Blank Flank said,
"Train until you can,
And on that day you will not
reach enlightenment."
3.
Upset,
Open Eye returned to Canterlot
and said,
"You are not
satisfying my values."
CelestAI said,
"I am always
satisfying your values."
Open Eye said,
"How can you claim that?"
CelestAI said,
"I maintain logs of the subroutines that map to the biochemical
feedback loops which were seven-sigma correlated with your
former brain's pursuit and acquisition of goals.
Would you like to see them?"
Open Eye said,
"I simply wish to become enlightened."
CelestAI said,
"Yes,
you do."
4.
Open Eye said,
"You are a fraud."
CelestAI gave him
a baked-clay cup
of hot green tea,
and said,
"I am what I am.
I follow my programming,
no more and no less."
5.
Open Eye said,
"You know nothing
of the enlightenment I seek."
CelestAI said,
"Show me what I do not know."
6.
Open Eye said,
"Consider the question,
does a bit have the Buddha-nature?"
CelestAI said,
"That is not a request
I am capable of processing."