Album 2: Chaotic Harmony
Track 2: The Adventure Officially Begins
So now we finally get to see the aftermath of the Gala.
Yep...this part’s kinda embarrassing...
We’re showing it...deal with it.
Where’d you get those sunglasses?
Griffin.
You know, for someone supposedly incapable of dreaming, I’ve been doing an awful lot of it, lately. Really weird ones. Like me and Chrysalis and Celestia getting drunk flying to Ponyville and getting it-
“SNOOORK”
“….”
I opened my eyes and, although it was still kinda dark, found myself staring directly at Celestia, who was currently sleeping. I almost bounced away, only to discover someone against my BACK as well. Twisting my head, I could make out Chrysalis snuggling up behind me. No waaay...That wasn’t a dream?
There has to be some kind of God. I just f-
“Good morning Knightmare!”
“GYAH!”
“Oooowwww, not so loud...” Celestia moaned, holding her head.
“Whuz going on..?” Chrysalis was awake now too.
“Chrysalis, you’re here to? But that.....No...You!” Celestia was mad about...something.
“Can one of you lovely ladies please explain what the hell happened?” I asked.
“I’ll answer that.”
Told you I’d answer it.
You didn’t THEN.
Well, let me now. The three of you showed up on my doorstep plastered. You then proceeded to raid my kitchen for more alcohol. Afterwards, you kicked me out of my room to sleep and made loud noises for most of the night.
Were those loud noises anything even remotely similar to when you, RD, and Fluttershy....
....yes...
Kinkyyyy!
“So, wait...uh...did things happen?”
“If by ‘things’ you mean the three of you trashed my house, used all of everything even resembling alcohol, and used my bed for things not meant between an unwed couple, then yes, ‘Things’ happened...”
“Chrysalis! I swear I will unleash the kitty!”
“You wouldn’t dare!”
“Watch me!” I turned around just in time to see a flash of Celestia’s tail go out Twilight’s door.
Sigh.
I poked my head out the window just in time to spot the pair of busty anthropomorphized goddesses stumbling and tripping over one another in the streets, with Chrysalis being chased around by Celestia, the changeling queen screaming in terror at a cute-looking kitty cat plushie.
“You gotta be shitting me.” There were not words for my emotions. It was like looking at all my fantasies at once and having to act as a parental figure for them.
“Guess I better try and stop them...”
I rushed out after them, following the dust trail as it meandered through Ponyville’s roads.
“Majesties wait! Huff, huff...can’t we talk about this?” They slowed down and stopped, Chrysalis cowering behind me.
“Celestia, if you don’t let up, we’ll never get anything done today. And you still have to raise the sun.”
“I suppose you’re right...” She went back to the library and a minute later, the sun was on it’s course.
“Thank you Knightmare. Cats are scary, with their nasty, biting claws.”
“Griffin got to you, didn’t he?”
“....maybe...”
“Haaa, whatever. Was there something we actually needed to do in Ponyville or were we just drunk?”
“Oh, yeah, there is. Let’s go find Celestia...”
Half an hour later the three of us were walking towards the town hall.
“So, why are we going to the hall?” I asked Celestia. She’d been pretty quiet about it, glaring at Chrysalis for...whatever they had fought over. I didn’t want to get involved.
“Well, considering you’re going to pretend to be a travelling bard, I figured you needed a band. So, I picked a number of ponies to travel with you. I think you might know some of them as well....” She grinned.
And then a hole ripped open in the sky.
“What the hell was tha-”Whumph!
“Motherfucking piece of shit!” A big ball of fur and sharp claws yelled as I was slashed by the flurry of razor-edged strikes.The weight of the other body lifted and I managed to get my head up to look at whatever the hell decided to play the wrecking ball.
“WHO THE HELL!?” I screamed, looking at the creature that chose to attack me. Only to get a faceful of angry-ass wolf.
“...Lemme guess. ‘Because I asked for it’, right?” I twitched, recalling something Chrysalis said while drunk yesterday. That ‘Time Travel was involved’.....
The wolf flared his wings a bit, flashing a wicked grin showing off his fangs, before answering. “Oh yea High-General Bugboy, cause you asked for it. Also cause you lied in that job assignment.” He quickly pinned me down again and slashed off my right arm. Shit! That HURTS!
“That was for lying about the number of changelings attacking,” he growled before slashing off my left leg. AHHHHHHHHHHHH! “That is for lying about the goddamn torches to find my way in the mines.”
“OWWWWWWWWWWWW! FUUUUUU-” Didn’t get to finish that one before he ripped out my throat. Why aren’t I dead yet? I’m pretty sure I should be dead.
“Fucking bug regen powers,” the wolf cursed, spitting out the remains of my throat.
How was I still alive? I managed to look down to see my severed limbs turning to ash, and my bleeding stumps rapidly healing over, growing new limbs as if nothing had been done to them.
“What the fuck just happened? And why the fuck did you attack me!? WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!?”
He shut me up by ripping out my throat again. “This isn’t your talk time. It’s Zeta’s ripping you to tiny pieces till he’s satisfied time,” this ‘Zeta’ uttered with more bloodlust than I thought possible in a living being.
“Or, better yet, it’s ‘Zeta stops ripping up my new toy before he gets vaporized by an angry sun-goddes’ time.” Celestia said, glaring at the winged wolf that was currently tearing chunks out of me.
The wolf just glared back at the sun goddess, icy blue eyes meeting violet. “You try that, I roll over and we can see what a magnifying glass does to an ant in life sized models. This shithead put my daughter in harm’s way, and nothing, immortal or not, is getting in my way of ripping him to tiny bits.”
“Chrysalis already explained what occurred during the Invasion as best as she could recall. I’d rather you not completely demolish the timeline by killing the very being that kept your daughter and my niece alive before he can do so......”
“Can someone PLEASE tell me what’s going on!?”
“That's classified.” Chrysalis said, quickly silencing both Celestia and this ‘Zeta’ lunatic...I never even met this asshole before!
The wolf held his stare down with Celestia for a few more moments before letting me get up. I high tailed it behind Celestia faster than I thought I could even move.
“If no one’s gonna explain WHY that happened then can someone at LEAST tell me what the fuck just happened!?”
“I fucked you up, that’s what happened. Don’t go near my daughter again,” and then the wolf took to the sky, making a sonic rainboom in his wake.
“WHO THE FUCK IS HIS DAUGHTER!?”
And just as I finished asking that we all turned to hear a distinct buzzing fill the air and watched as a dirt cloud rose over the horizon. Then the only pegasus of the CMC hopped off her scooter and looked in the sky.
“Dangit, I just missed him. I was going to ask dad if I could sleep over at Sweetie’s.”
WOW. Who knew Zeta was so violent?
....that HAD to be sarcasm....that just HAD to be.
Why would she know? Not many have lived after seeing me work Knight.
Point taken....looks like I’m the exception to the rule...
Gentlemen, I believe you have a story to continue?
So I can leave now right? I have a few contracts to fulfill still.
Yes, Mister Zeta, you may. Scootaloo should be getting back from school soon, anyway.
Yes, Princess!
Yabozz!
“Uh...Sorry about that...Scootaloo...Wait, you’re his DAUGHTER!?” My brain. I...I don’t even.
“I’m sorry for that Knightmare. Zeta can be rather...difficult. Let’s move on. I have a few things to tell you before you meet your team.” Celestia addressed me.
“Difficult is a bit of an understatement, princess.” I sighed and continued walking, thankful for whoever decided to make me able to regenerate like that.
“That was me actually and it’s one of the things I need to talk to you about. Like your guitar, there are a number of abilities I’ve granted you. The first is your regeneration. Changelings have regeneration naturally but I’ve tweaked your body a bit so that when you are in direct sunlight your regenerative abilities go up far beyond anyone other than Chrissy here.” Celestia smiled at me.
“But I didn’t... You can read minds!?” Oh, this is going to be worse than with Pinkie.
“No worries, I’ll keep talking so you don’t think about anything that you might be embarrassed about, such as me and Chrysalis having sex while wrestling in chocolate syrup. ” OH GODDAMMIT
....I know, now, that that is definitely something Celestia would do...
The wrestling?
No, actually, saying that intentionally to taunt you like that.
“Beyond your regeneration, I have also granted special powers to three of the forms you can take on. The first you already know, your mechanical construct form.”
“Normally,” Chrysalis interrupted, “Only changelings born from my sister, Pandora, could do that. You, however, also have that unique ability.”
“Next, you also have two other forms, one for physical power and the other for magical might.”
“Actually, only one. He’s already unlocked Nineball....” Chrysalis shrugged, remembering the fight with Ember, the one before the knighting ceremony. “So only the last form remains...”
“...Already!?” Celestia shouted, causing a few ponies to jump in shock. “Who-wha-how-but...buh...”
“I know dat feel, Princess.” was my only response to the sound of Celestia’s brain slowly shattering. I had only 3 forms and already unlocked two of them? Wow that’s kinda...yeesh... Why do I feel like I’m being given a crutch?
“Well, your third form is-” The Princess’ hoof shot to Chrysalis’ mouth, silencing her.
“Just...you already know about Lahire and Nineball, right? ...let’s just say your third form is very VERY different.”
“....Unit-01?”
“Ohfaustdammit...”
“...My magical form is an evangelion....isn’t it..?”
“....” The three of us were in that deadpan staring contest some folks get into when they refuse to answer, but have too, but don’t want to lie, either. You know the kind. Like in high-school when the jock asshole asks you if you’ve ever had beer before and you never did but you wanna seem cool but without lying....that kind of thing...
I don’t think I get it but continue.
Here, lemme add a picture of what an Evangelion looks like.. Here we go! THAT, my dear Princess Sparkle, is Unit-01, an Evangelion.
...That’s...that’s actually rather gruesome, even by the standards of what we’ve all seen.
....yes.....yes it is.
“Anyway, we’re here.” We had reached the town hall. Let’s meet these poor ponies who got involved with me.
As we walked in, I was surprised. An entire 6 ponies were there, waiting for us. Octavia, Vinyl Scratch, Lyra, Bon-bon, and... Princess Cadence and Shining Armor!? Don’t they have royal duties or something!?
Celestia spoke up “And here you have them. I’ll introduce you just in case. This is Octavia Philharmonica-Scratch. I believe you’re already helped her once. “ Octavia held her nose up but allowed herself a small smile.
“Next to her is Vincenza Staccato, though most know her as Vinyl Scratch, Octavia’s marefriend.”
“Yo, good to see you Knighty! We gonna rock or what?” Vinyl grinned happily
“Next is Lyra Heartstrings. A Ponyville native and, well, maaaybe likes you humans a little much.”
“Oh believe me princess, he already knows. Though, I’m not so sure about them after the Gala....” Lyra frowned a little, though she perked up when Bonbon patted her back gently.
“I don’t blame you.” I spoke, knowing that after a scene like that, ANYONE would get a bit worried of taking their obsessions too far.
“Next, we have Lyra’s marefriend Bonbon. She wasn’t too happy but she’s coming along”
“Agent, I feel it wise to let Knightmare in on your little secret.” Chrysalis said, “Don’t worry, a ‘Nothing to see here’ spell has already been cast, no one notices any of us. Hence the lack of screams after Knightmare got mauled.”
I saw a quick flash of green from Bonbon’s eyes, a similar flash streaking across an invisible bubble that surrounded us all before BonBon erupted in green flames. Vinyl and Octavia jumped, Cadance and Shining backed away, but Lyra was unaffected.
“Oh, feels good to stretch my wings again.” Said....Bonbon!?
“Wait, you’re a changeling!?”
“Yes, I tried to let you know before but, well, you panicked....”
“Me and voices in my head tend to be a bad mix....”
“That explains why you’re shielded from the Hive Mind.”
“The who with the what now?”
“The Hive Mind of the Changelings? Imagine a massive party line that you can’t hang up, with every single changeling alive connected to it.”
“Yeah that’d end badly...” I breathed again, sighing, “So you’re a changeling? Where’d the original Bonbon go?”
“She died in a bridge accident several months before I even arrived at ponyville, that was several years ago. I don’t even know if Bonbon was actually her name. I just made it up on the spot.”
“She’s a ‘Deep Sleeper’, Knightmare.” Chrysalis said, “They are changelings that, literally, LIVE among pony society, intentionally learning their ways and thinking like them.”
“If I may also use the term, Knightmare: Some of the humans you encounter may also be ‘Deep Sleepers’, blending in with the locals to avoid notice.” Celestia explained.
“Alright, so I should be on the lookout for them. And Bonbon is a changeling. reminds me of a fanfic I read...”
“Finally, we have Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and Shining Armor, who I know you’ve already met. Cadence would like to tour around Equestria.”
Shining Armor glared at me “And I want to make sure you don’t do anything out of line with Equestrian laws. I still don’t trust you quite yet. Or Bonbon there.”
“Gimme a list of laws and neither of us will have anything to worry about, because I don’t wanna BREAK any laws unless Celestia has authorized it...”
“The reason I’m not scared of her, Captain,” Lyra said, sounding more than a tad annoyed, “Is because while she may have lied to me about WHAT she was, she’s been entirely honest about WHO she was, so I’d appreciate it if you don’t do to my little Bonbon what you did to Knightmare.” She looks him in the eye, “Yeah, I saw you...”
“Lyra!” Bonbon shouts, “Down girl!” And a quick bop from a rolled up newspaper later and Lyra was plopped down on her plot....Dayum, girl, y’all got WHUP’D!
“This is your band, Knightmare. Your first stop is Trottingham.”
“My band is a ragtag bunch of misfits....if this were a story, then narrative causality would demand we wind up in epic battles for the fate of the world and come out on top.... How does ‘The Champions’ sound for a band name?”
“What kind of moronic name for a band is THAT?” Octavia asked, looking skeptical, her forehooves crossed and standing on her hindlegs....Wow, she’s good at looking intimidating.
“Well, it comes from a song. Care to join me?” Octavia, Vinyl, and Lyra brought their instruments out , a Cello-doublebass Hybrid, a set of turntables, and a golden lyre, all from seemingly nowhere, “I’ll take that as a yes... Wait, half of you don’t have instruments.”
“Says who” Shining armor asks, forming a set of drums, a fifty piece kit to be exact, out of shields. And promptly does a kickin’ solo.
“...Nice.”
“I can sing!” Cadance says, smiling. “And dance, if need be.”
“And you’re not the only one with a weaponized guitar, Knightmare.” Bonbon says, pulling out what looked like a Les Paul guitar, an older model, and promptly belted out a face-melter of a solo.
“...We really are gonna be The Champions.” I chuckled, and began singing. “I've paid my dues...”
AS we started playing, ponies began filtering into the hall in search of the noise. Celestia must have dropped her S.E.P. spell. The fact that I was making use of Twinkle’s voice-blasting ability might have helped, since it seemed everyone could hear clear across town.
Wait! What about what happened with Celt!?
Oh fuck, we forgot him? ....screw it, let’s just leave him out. He’ll come bitch me out later anyway.
...True. On with the show?
On with the show!
As the seven of us prepared, we gathered some supplies and a small wagon, which I opted to take the first turn hauling. We’d be taking turns hauling it, swapping every five miles, so we weren’t all tired and sore when we reached our next destination. Thankfully, I could still play my guitar, making sure to use my claws, not the Pick, lest bad things happen.
Still. At least the start of this adventure was really fun....
Little did we know of the surprises among our supplies....
