You know what’s funny? All this crazy bullshit I’ve been through up to now has happened within a span of less than a week. No need for a quick re-cap. Let’s cut this author-to-audience intro short and jump back into the action. Everyone knows I’ve taken a long enough of a break. Three... Two.. One... Action!
For a moment I sit in the darkness, wondering if night had fallen and somehow I was also underground with no moon. All light had been sucked from the world. That seems just a tad unlikely though, but I did notice that I was no longer in the truck. No rumbling of the motor, nor the crackle of a slightly busted radio. However, I did hear cars in the distance, as though I were hearing them through a wall and a few hundred feet of open space. So not roadside.
I felt around me with a hoof, feeling soft plush more attributable to a bed than a car seat, so I am in a bedroom of some sort. So why so dark?
I take a few deep breaths and focus a spark of energy into my horn, attempting to light up my surroundings but only getting a periwinkle glow out of the very peripheral of my vision.
“Oh my, I really am dense, aren’t I?” I say with a sigh and remove the eye shades that I had fished out of the spa gift package I had been given and finally get a good look at my room. Such a lovely way to start the day, wouldn’t you agree?
It’s not first class, by any means. Thanks to the government's credit line so graciously extended to me, I won’t need to ask for Ryan to pay for any hotel rooms.
This one had a tacky tan wallpaper and a sort of off color brown trim, and with a jolt I realize that I am paying more attention to the interior design of the place than the fact that I woke up somewhere I didn’t fall asleep in. Rarity must be rubbing off on me a bit more than just emotional instability.
Oh har-de-har, you stay calm when you are flung through dimensional walls, is her smirking mental reply.
I get out of bed with the soft clip of hooves against cheap carpet. I spot my bag with my oh so precious things in it on a chair next to the obligatory cheap TV and broken coffee maker.
Fishing out my phone, I decide to check the date and time. The little rectangle lit up, blinding me for a short moment until my eyes adjusted.
8:54 AM, Marsday: October, 29th read the fluorescent and glowing numbers on my phone. The date was ridiculous, but I didn’t really give a damn. I started focusing what I figured was ‘magic’ into a small point and managed to manipulate the buttons on my phone.
As soon as it was unlocked, I was bombarded with a series of notifications and missed calls. What a big surprise.(That’s sarcasm.)
I start from the top, reading and deleting most of the notifications. Just about every one of them are unimportant alerts about weather, and people messaging me about pointless bits of random that they can pull out of their asses. I mean seriously, who sends someone a message saying ‘Hola queria ver si tu arreglas mi compu’. I mean, really? Do I look like I know how to fix a damn computer?! Well, I don’t. So.. Whatever.
As I scroll through the sea of annoying alerts, a specific name catches my eyes.
Mom
Shit.
I couldn’t help but stare at the label as nervous beads of sweat rolled down my brow. I raised a hoof to the screen, rather press on it with focused magic.
Immediately the message unfurled and read as the following.
Subject: Wher hv u ben?
Tony, police tell me that u r safe, but u had ths pony thng bt I dnt undrstnd y u wldnt tll me. Pls call, I m very wrrd abt u.
I had to reread the message a few times before I understood what it said. Seriously, this grammar is atrocious! Then, after a cold silence of staring at the text, I reluctantly tapped the dial icon.
“Shit is about to hit the fan.” I grumbled and pressed the phone to my ear, hoping for the best.
There were two rings before someone picked. A lump began to swell in my throat.
“Tony?! please tell me someone didn’t steal your phone and kill you before using your identity to get a bunch of credit cards and ruin your reputation in every possible way before calling me just to gloat.” My mother rambled.
“I’m fine, mom!” I said on instinct after hearing her usual worried and annoying tone.
“Oh my lord... you’ve become a sultry sounding woman.” she replied in a tone of grief. “Or, what do they call women ponies, mares?”
“It’s not a big deal, Mom.” I grumbled while hoisting my bag onto my back, and trying to sound confident. “I couldn’t stay your baby boy forever.. Although I didn’t expect it to end like this.”
“So it’s really you, Tony? You really did become a female pony?” she asked with a bit of curiosity.
“Yes.” I said with growing frustration laced into my voice.
“Well I suppose I should ask you about grandchildren but that can come later. Where the hell are you?!” she shouted suddenly.
“Uhh...” I started frantically looking around, hoping for a sign, a poster or something in my room. On one of the end tables sat lone coffee mug with ‘Motel 8’ printed on it. “Motel Eight!” I replied as quickly as I could.
“I was hoping for a city, or state, or country. That way I could come and get you,” she pointed out.
“Uhh... I’ll get back to you on that.” I said, making myself sound busy. “I can't do that, mom. I gotta go. Call you back later.”
“Tony!” she managed to call out one more time before the line dropped.
That could’ve gone better. Rarity jeered, giving me a mental shove.
“You can say that again.” I murmured as I made my way toward the door. The brass handle lit up in a periwinkle glow and twisted. Several rusty clicks later, I threw the door open.
Sunshine flooded in. Sweet, glorious, blinding sunshine embraced me. I took a deep breath, relishing the fresh air and warming light. As the light subsided, I saw a dusty parking lot. It was scarce of cars, spare a black van and Ryan’s truck.
My hooves clicked against the concrete in a familiar fashion as they always have. Well, it felt like that's how they always have, even if I've only been in these hooves for a few days. Maybe it’s the fusing. I don’t know. Yet every step into the parking lot feels so natural. It’s a bit daunting at first, but with the sun that Celestia raises every morning shining down upon-- WAIT!
I stop walking and look up to the skies. The sun rests just beyond a blanket of clouds. The son that the earth REVOLVES around. “Rarity?” I call for the mare who I’ve been sharing a body with.
Yes, yes, yes, darling. She replied, sounding irritated, like she knows what I’m going to ask. Believe me, I know what you’re going through, so please don’t start whining about it.
Honestly, I was taken aback by her sharp tone, but I guess that’s to be expected from a mare as important as Rarity when she has to share the emotions and mind of a guy like me.
As much as I want to press Rarity for information, I shrug it off and head towards Ryan’s pickup truck. The engine is rumbling quietly and small puffs of exhaust fume from the tail pipe. And through the rear windshield, I can see Ryan talking into his phone. I can’t make-out what he’s saying, but he looks really worried. The creases on his forehead and the raised brows are a dead giveaway.
Hesitation aside, I gallop up to the door and pop it open immediately.
“..ove you too, honey.” Ryan said, finishing a sentence I hadn’t heard the start of. He hangs up and smiles cheerfully to me. “Hey, welcome back to the land of the living.”
I yawn and hop up onto the passenger side seat. “Thanks.” I make myself comfortable and set my bag on the foot space below. “So, who were you talking to?” I know it’s not my place to be nosey, but ‘honey’ sounds like the guy’s sweet on someone. Never hurts to ask, right?
“My little girl.” He replies, a scowl seeping into his features.
“Oh! I didn’t know you have a kid, Ryan!” I say with a bit more gumption than expected. “What’s she like?”
He starts smiling. “She’s nine. Short brown hair, freckles all over her face.” Ryan’s hands slide over the steering wheel as he speaks. “She looks alot like her mother..” He sighs as he trails off and the truck jerks forward and we resume our trek down the desolate highways.
Oh boy... Here we go.. Rarity adds in nervously, prodding my subconscious.
“What happened, Ryan?”
“You want the whole story or the short bit?” He says, answering my question with another question... I hate it when people do that.
“I’m sure we have time to spare.” I say with a growing fear that I’ll have to add a ‘dark’ tag to this story. “Let’s hear it.”
He sighs again and takes a deep inhale. “My name is Andrew Jeremy Ryan.” His first words are choked and forced, yet he continues. “Some time ago, when I was younger, I fell head over heels for a young waitress in Kentucky. Her name was Maria.” A smile trickles along his lips, like the very name brings him peace. “Maria Terra.” He pauses to sigh again.
“She must be gorgeous for a strapping fellow like you to take to her like a pegasus takes to the sky.” Rarity says, suddenly putting herself in the theoretical driver’s seat. She could've just asked...
“You got that right.” Ryan murmurs as his fingers drum on the wheel. “After getting to know her, I felt like I could spend the rest of my life with that woman.” He gives a half hearted chuckle. “ I was mostly right. And after a few months passed, I popped the big question.”
Rarity suddenly gasps and my (her?) hooves are against..our? Yeah, that sounds right. She gasped and pressed our hooves against our face. “What did she say?!” Rarity squeals, leaning against the armrest.
Ryan’s smile continues to grow. “She said yes,” He says proudly and he is looking a bit happier. There’s a gleam in his eye, and it’s rather contagious. Just looking at him is making me smile! “After we were married, we had a kid. A beautiful baby girl.”
Slowly, I can feel myself back in control and I nod. "So, what did you name her?" I ask, letting his infectious smile take hold of me.
"I wanted to name her Stephanie, but Maria insisted on Jade. I couldn't argue with her. Just can't." He suddenly reaches down into his back pocket with a hand and pulls out a small thin rectangle. Most likely a picture.
To no surprise, it is in fact a picture and he hands it to me. It’s slightly faded and wrinkled, but that doesn't change the fact that there's a happy family imprinted on it. On the left stands a tall, thin and pecan-haired woman. Freckles dot her face like stars in the night sky. She's holding a child that looks incredibly just like her. Again, that's not surprising. Finally, on the right is Ryan. Happy, red-headed Ryan.
"She's pretty." I say with an agreeing tone in my voice as I nod. "Really pretty."
“Yup,” is Ryan’s simple reply as I levitate the picture back to him. “After Jade was born, a few things happened...”
At this moment, I’m almost absolutely sure I have to add a ‘dark’ tag. You know it’s going to get bad when someone ends their sentences in an ellipse.
Oh, you have a problem with dark and scary stories, but you gladly add romance to this supposedly funny story.
“Go on..”
Ryan sighs and his fingers continue to drum along the steering wheel. “I got into a few fights over something stupid while I was working at a bar.”
“I think I see where this is going.” I admit and place a hoof on his forearm.
He nods and I can feel gravity pushing me into my seat lightly. “Maria didn’t want her baby growing up around bad influences like me.” Ryan stops to take a deep breath. “So she kicked me out.” He said as the truck picked up more speed.”Started drinkin’, smokin’ and fightin’ a whole lot more than I should’a.” He says angrily while he grits his teeth. His face was flushed and his knuckles were bone-white from gripping the steering wheel so tightly. “I was falling out, and wishing I would just die!” He yells in frustration, just as the truck’s tires scream and the engine roars loudly over the radio. In his deranged state, he laughs. “I even tried, once! All the pills in the world couldn’t shut me out!” The rubber on the steering wheel cover squeals as Ryan squeezes the wheel tighter and tighter. “I don’t care if I ever see Maria! I just want to see my little girl again!”
Something in the back of my mind ticks and I realize that everything beyond the passenger side window is nothing but a blended blur. And I can almost hear a screaming in the back of my head. It’s almost as if I were in danger. Ha. What a silly thought! Not like anything bad has happened to me before!
I turn back to Ryan and sigh. He looks so sad, depressed even. His breathing is uneven and a tear runs down his cheek. And despite the massive headache that had taken over me, I lifted a hoof to his face and wiped away the solitary tear. I then placed an understanding forehoof around his neck. “You’ll see her again one day, Ryan.” I whisper into his ear with as much sincerity I can muster. “I promise.” As the words escape my lips, the engine seems to die down and I can finally hear my own voice again.
We pulled over and Ryan let the waterworks go. Through his sobs, I held him. It was a moment of weakness that I caused. I didn’t need to press him about his daughter, yet I did. Even as I was patting him on the back, I felt like a ball of ice should be resting in my stomach. This is my fault, and I know it, yet I don't feel a drop of guilt. Does that make me a bad person?
After a few minutes, his tears fade away and Ryan leans against me for support. He doesn’t look up at me, actually, his eyes are fixated on the windshield. Beyond the glass pane; an empty highway. A highway. It signifies the long road ahead of us.
“Ryan?” I ask quietly, still patting him on the back.
“Yeah?” He replies with almost no emotion. It’s heartbreaking.
“You gonna be okay, buddy?”
He sighs and straightens up. He even dusts off the none-existent dust on his track jacket. Ryan nods and wipes away any stray tears from his cheeks and looks back to me. “Yeah. I’m good.” He says confidently.
“Good.” Now straighten up that upper lip, soldier.” I pronounce and lightly shove Ryan back to the steering wheel. “Just gotta move along, man. Can’t let the world keep you down.”
A smile starts to creep through the storm of sorrow that was once his face.
“I tell you what, buddy,” I chuckle and turn off the static filled radio. “I want you to promise me something, okay?” I put a hoof to my chin and make a ‘hmm’ sound. “Aaaand in return, I’ll treat you to pancakes at a roadside diner.”
He rolls his eyes, but a smile sits on his face like a birthmark. “Depends, what’s the promise?”
For a moment, I rip the grin off that I’ve been holding for so long and look at Ryan with a serious glare. “I want you to promise me that if you ever get the chance to see Jade. You take it. You grab opportunity by the throat and do what needs to be done.”
Ryan starts up the truck again and nods with that smirk of his. “Deal.” He says and holds out a hand. Yet, since I still and always will lack hands to shake, I simply place my hoof in his palm and we shook on it. It’s not exactly the most formal agreement, but whatever works, right?
That was very kind of you, Tony. Rarity says as she plants an image of her hugging me in my mind. Cheering him up like that, I mean.
I look to the side, out the window and smile. “It’s what I do.” I murmur back to her. “Beneath this tough-guy shell lies a kind person who will put someone else's well being before his own.”
Awww, Tony! That’s so sweet of you!
I grin and close my eyes. “Someone has to do it, right? May as well be me.”
Then, I get the sudden feeling someone just kissed me.. Eh, what do I know? It could just be all in my head.
The next few miles passed by without a hitch. Ryan and I sang along with any songs we knew on the radio and had a few rare moments of synchronization. Although we laughed through most of the songs, as most rock hits don’t sound right coming from the voice of an uppity unicorn.
Not funny, Tony!
“Gingy! On the right,” I yell excitedly and stick my head out the open window. “Roadside diner! Two o’ clock!”
The diner whizzes by as we peel down the road. “Roger that, HQ!” Ryan shouts back and pulls an immediate u-turn. Albeit, it is a been over-dramatic. But I’d say it’s worth it when pancakes are on the line.
The wheels screech on the asphalt as we turn onto the opposite lane. Ryan and I are soon in hysterics at the deranged stunt we just pulled. As amazing as it was, we pull into the parking lot in a much more calm fashion.
Our doors open and we hop out of the truck. A few sets of quick clips and clicks of shoes and hooves against pavement later, we’re at the front door to our new eat-out. Ryan grabs ahold of the door handle and a bell dings overhead.
“Ladies first,” he says in a jeering voice.
Since I’m not armed with any smart-ass retorts, I just roll my eyes and trot in. On another note, I also don’t have arms.. Or hands..
Anyway, as we walk in, I easily get the feeling I’m going to like it here. There’s a long bar running down most of the front area with a few red stools dotted across it. A couple brown-leather booths are placed against the walls. Hell, this is basically a 50’s diner. I love it!
As if the decorations weren’t enough, the cherry on top was the lemon yellow unicorn mare with a blue mane and tail looking down at a notepad. Three hearts adorn her flank. Two blue and one green. She looks bored and probably has had a slow day. But what would I know? It’s just a guess.
Tony! It’s very rude to stare at a mare’s flanks! Says Rarity’s blaring voice in my head.
“Just take a seat wherever ya’ want. T’day’s been slow and I don’t think the dust bunnies really care who moves ‘em.” The unicorn says with a tone that matches her look. A yellow glow surrounds a pencil and she tucks it behind her ear as she looks up at us. Her immediate expression is one of of surprise, but fades into a mellow-calm grin. With that, she turns tail and trots off.
“Well, you heard the lady.” I say up to my red-headed companion and start trotting to a nearby booth. Ryan’s footsteps sound off behind me, so I know he’s following me. A few seconds later, I jump up onto the leather seat. There’s a menu on the table, but I get the feeling I won’t be needing it.
Ryan sits down across from me and looks down at the menu too. “Pancakes?” He asks inquisitively.
“Pancakes,” I agree.
Suddenly, Ryan and I turn to the sound of hooves against tile. Along comes the unicorn from earlier with a clipboard and an apron tied around her shoulders. “Well, what a surprise this is! The element of generosity!” She looks over to me and has one of those looks about her. “I’m Pierce, can I getcha anything?”
Tony..? Something tells me this mare isn’t really a mare.
Really? I couldn’t tell. I mentally reply to her with as much playfulsarcasm I can pull together.
I almost laugh at his/her half-assed attempt at flirting, but keep a straight face and a bright smile. “Two orders of banana pecan pancakes, if you don’t mind.”
The mare looks down at her notepad. “Aww, I’m sorry, sweetheart, but we ain’t serving breakfast anymore.” She looks at her hoof, which conveniently has a wrist watch on it. “We stopped serving at Eleven.”
I whip around to look at Ryan. He has a shocked expression that mirrors my own. “WHAT?!” Ryan and I exclaim in unison at the thought of coming all this way and not being able to enjoy the soft fluffiness of pancakes!
I jerk my head back to the mare just as she was throwing her clipboard behind herself. “Aww, who am I kidding?” She says nervously. “Today’s been so slow that I could get’cha anything off the menu if you wanted it.”
Both Ryan and I settle back down into our seats upon hearing that.
“Pecan ‘nanner flapjacks.” She looks up with a faux smile. “Anything else, sweetheart?” She says, batting some ridiculously long lashes at me.
“Yeeeaaaaah..” I say with a grin that Rarity and I both share. I levitate the menu up to me and scrutinize the listings. Most of them are simple, yet mouth-watering in description. After scanning what this place had to offer, I turn back to the mare. “Can you add two strawberry milkshakes and a slice of pineapple jalapeno pizza to that?”
Pierce lets loose a sharp whistle. “Got an appetite on ya, don'tcha?” She chuckles and starts scribbling things down on her clipboard... Wait, wasn’t that on the floor a few seconds ago?
I nod and I swear I can hear Rarity trying to muffle her laughter. “That’s right.” I start to snicker.. “Besides, I don’t wanna fill up on snacks when I take Rarity to see a movie.”
Oh! We’re actually going to see a movie?
The yellow unicorn looks up from her clipboard with a raised eyebrow. “I beg your pardon?”
Drop the bombshell, soldier! I tell myself with a mental maniacal laugh.
“Oh, I’m terribly sorry sweetheart.” I hold a hoof out in the most posh manner I can. “My name is Anthonie. Anthonie Daniel King. Tony if you will.”
A shocked expression rolls over Pierce’s face while Ryan giggles like a little school girl. All the while, crimson colour washes over Pierce’s face and it almost sends me over the border of a schadenfreude.
“I.. Err...” She raises the clipboard to her face. “Will that be all?”
“That depends.” I look back to Ryan, who has been laughing silently the whole time. “Anything for else for you, Ryan?”
“Oh no, I think I’m quite alright, Ms. Belle.” He replies with the same high-class tone I have adopted.
“Umm.. Okay.” She scribbles a few more things on her clipboard and tucks it into her apron. “I’ll go tell Franklyn to get started on your order..” She trots away, and I almost feel bad for embarrassing him/her like that. Actually.. Scratch that, I do feel bad for doing that to her..
“Hey Tony.” Ryan says, a bit loudly and I snap up to look up at him. “What’d you mean by ‘take Rarity to a movie’?” He leans on the palm of his hand and wears a fake smile. I hate it when people do that...
I really didn’t think this through, did I?
The sudden feeling of being thrown into a chair hits me like a bug on a windshield. Rarity has taken direct control again..
“Oh puh-lease.” Rarity says and flips her mane out of her eyes. “You know he was joking, right?” She rolls her eyes and sighs. “I mean, really Ryan? Going out with somepony you share a body with? Do you have any idea how outrageous that is?”
A snake of a smile rests on Ryan’s face. “Yup. You two are totally going out.”
“Well shit.” Rarity replies in a VERY un-ladylike manner. “I blame Tony. It’s his fault.”