Hopeless Romance

by Doom Trot


How do you lure a zebra from her den?

The next morning...

"How long has she been gone now?" asked Scootaloo, laying her chin on the table. "I know she goes out there a lot, but the Everfree Forest is dangerous, no matter how familiar you are with it."
"Don't worry," assured Sweetie Belle, who had been sipping a chocolate shake while listening to Scootaloo. "Apple Bloom is a big filly. She can take care of herself."
"What do you think Zecora will even say? No matter how much she likes Apple Bloom, I doubt she'll just tell her where to find all the ingredients."
"How could you say no to that honest, folksy charm of hers?" Sweetie Belle sat up straighter, grinning earnestly as she mimicked her friend's accent, saying, "Ah reckon ain't nopony has it in 'em."
This earned a giggle from Scootaloo, which was followed by a lengthy yawn.
"Tired?" asked Sweetie.
"Very." Scootaloo laid her forehead on the table with a muffled thunk.
Sweetie nodded, resuming the sipping of her shake. Not a moment later, Apple Bloom joined them at the table, sighing. Scootaloo drew away from the table, rubbing drowsiness from her eyes, while Sweetie Belle pushed away her shake and turned to Apple Bloom with a hopeful grin.
"So how'd it go?" asked Sweetie.
Absently rapping a hoof against the table, Apple Bloom answered, "Uh, well..."


"Hey Zecora!" greeted Apple Bloom, entering Zecora's hut. "Ah know ah just seen ya yesterday, but ah had t' come see ya again."
"Apple Bloom, your enthusiasm is always without measure," mused Zecora. "Now, to what do I owe the pleasure?"
"Ya know that one potion we threw together?"
"The one made by you and myself?" She nodded to the bottle of blueberry soda that the Cutie Mark Crusaders had replaced the real potion with. "There it sits on the shelf."
"Yeah, so, funny thing," said Apple Bloom with a chuckle. "Ah was talkin' with mah sister 'bout it yesterday, and ah got t' wonderin' what ya would do if somepony ever took it from ya without askin'."
"Oh ho ho!" chortled Zecora. "Why, if any should presume to steal such a dangerous potion from me, then I'd presume to find them and punish them severely."
Apple Bloom cleared her throat, nervously adding, "Really? That ain't what ya did when I gave mahself the cutie pox."
"Ah, child," said Zecora, "the malady you faced was punishment enough. Why would I be angry with you after facing a fate so rough?"
"Yer sorta bein' contradictory here. Ya had no intention of chewin' me out after ah nabbed that potion, but yer sayin' ya'd be upset somethin' awful if anypony took that one there."
"Make no mistake, Apple Bloom. There are certain brews that may lead to one's doom. Such is the nature of this potion, you see. It has great potential for malicious misuse and calamity."
"Malicious misuse?" croaked Apple Bloom, now glancing to the fake that sat on the shelf with a frightened look. "Calamity?"
"One must not lightly pry at the secrets guarded by the heart. To do so is to unravel the weave that is the individual and tear them apart."
Apple Bloom's gaze fell to Zecora's expression, which appeared as distant and grave as her tone had been. Gulping down a lump of guilt that had formed in her throat, she turned and exited the hut.
"Thanks, Zecora," she called back, kicking shut the door behind her.


Scootaloo and Sweetie both blinked, exchanging stunned looks across the table. Apple Bloom sagged in her seat, a hoof pressed into her cheek.
"Ah'm thinkin' we shouldn't do this no more," whispered Apple Bloom.
With a thoughtful scowl, Scootaloo countered, "Zecora said that the potion had a lot of potential to be bad. That doesn't mean that it always is. We're helping Rainbow Dash. Not hurting her."
"Ya mind explainin' t' me how we're helpin' 'er?"
"Closure," answered Sweetie Belle.
Scootaloo and Apple Bloom looked to her with looks that clearly expressed that they didn't catch her meaning.
"Well, according to Rarity, a failed relationship can be very painful, but a pony can only begin healing when they find closure. Closure can sometimes be met by a pony's own efforts, but that isn't the case with Rainbow Dash. Telling us about all the relationships she's had go wrong in her life is providing closure. You saw how she acted last night. It was clearly a burden to keep all that secret, but now that she's telling somepony the burden is being lifted."
Apple Bloom considered this with a slight frown, responding, "Ah can see that, but wouldn't it be better if she told somepony without being forced to?"
"Probably," conceded Sweetie Belle.
"The problem is Rainbow Dash's pride," said Scootaloo, "and her idea of independence. She doesn't want to burden other ponies with her problems, because she thinks she can deal with them herself."
"I'm telling you, though," said Sweetie, "what we saw last night was definitely closure. Rainbow Dash was facing things she wish weren't true, but now she can move on."
Though Apple Bloom's uncertain expression indicated her lingering conflicted thoughts, she nodded slowly. "Alright. One more potion can't hurt. But, ah don't dare go back t' Zecora and ask her for the ingredients now."
"I guess we'll have to work with what we've got," said Scootaloo. "You helped her put together the potion, right?"
"Yes, ah did."
"Can you remember any of the ingredients?"
"Ah think ah could remember all of 'em if ah could see 'em."
"Well, that's a start," griped Sweetie. "What are we working with here? Eye of newt?"
"No, nothin' like that. Mostly just plant parts."
"Like?" asked Scootaloo and Sweetie.
"Uh... a blue leaf that forks at the tip. Some kind of root. A white powder. And... uh... shucks, ah can't remember it, but there was one other thing."
"And you don't know where any of the ingredients came from?" asked Scootaloo.
Apple Bloom answered with a shake of the head.
"How are we supposed to get another potion?" asked Sweetie.
"Zecora might have some of them ingredients," suggested Apple Bloom.
"Oh no!" protested Scootaloo. "We are not blowing our money on another thirty-pound sack of candy."
"Yeah, I agree with Scootaloo. Twist charged us a small fortune for that, even with the discount."
"Okay, then," grumbled Apple Bloom, her head flopping to the table cheek-first. "There's always the option t' go wanderin' 'round Everfree Forest 'til we stumble upon everything we need. 'Cause that always works."
"Well, Zecora's got to leave her hut at least some of the time," reasoned Scootaloo. "Why can't we just slip in and slip out while she's away?"
"She's been comin' t' town less and less lately," said Apple Bloom, raising her head. "With me t' run errands for 'er, she hasn't needed to."
"Even then, she can't stay in her hut forever," argued Sweetie Belle. "What's something Zecora would need to leave her home for to see to personally?"
"Ah don't know!" Apple Bloom threw up her hooves, letting them flop to the table. "Ah'm an errand filly, not her apprentice. We hardly talk about anything 'cept potions and whatever ah need t' know about the Everfree Forest." Apple Bloom inhaled sharply, then imitated Zecora's voice as best she could. "Venture not into the dense ivy groves, for that is where the deadly Everfree panther roves!"
Scootaloo snickered. "Hey, that's actually a pretty good impression."
"Ya think so?" asked Apple Bloom.
"Guys," asserted Sweetie. "Focus."
"Sorry," said the two.
"You've got to think, Apple Bloom," urged Sweetie. "Even if you two don't talk about anything but potions and the forest, you've still got to know Zecora well enough to know what would convince her to leave."
"Fire," said Apple Bloom, shrugging. "A fire would convince 'er t' leave, no doubt."
"Fire, huh?" Scootaloo rubbed her chin, her eyes thoughtful.
"No fire!" Sweetie shouted. "What else?"
"Sweetie, ah'm runnin' short on ideas here," despairingly explained Apple Bloom.
"Well, what's something that worries her?" asked Scootaloo. "Something she would try to help with if she thought she could?"
Apple Bloom's eyes wandered as she recalled the discussion she and Zecora had had yesterday. "Actually, she was pretty worried 'bout Diamond Tiara."
"Oh, of course," mumbled Sweetie.
"That's it!" exclaimed Scootaloo.
"What's it?" asked Sweetie and Apple Bloom.
"You know how there's a big investigation going on?"
"Yeah," said Apple Bloom, raising an eyebrow.
"Zecora probably knows more about the Everfree Forest than anypony in Ponyville, right?"
"Right!" agreed Sweetie, a hopeful smile donning on her lips.
"So if the investigation team thought her knowledge might be useful—"
"Then they'd call 'er in fer questionin'!" said Apple Bloom.
"Exactly," affirmed Scootaloo. "Zecora would rush off in a heartbeat to help somepony in need."
"But isn't she a little unsociable?" asked Sweetie. "Not that she's shy, but she's certainly no Pinkie Pie."
"Huh, that rhymed," whispered Scootaloo to herself.
"That is sorta true," said Apple Bloom, disconcerted. "Although, ah doubt she would turn a blind eye to police officers investigating a missing filly. Especially if she thinks she could help 'em."
"Alright," said Sweetie, still doubtful. "But, you also have to consider what the police might think of her. I'm not calling any of them biased, but you know how most ponies who haven't gotten to know Zecora are towards her."
"Okay, now that might be a problem," Apple Bloom conceded. "Most ponies who don't know 'er tend t' keep their distance. Even if we told 'em that she could help, them officers might not jump fer joy at the idea of questionin' Zecora."
"I'm pretty sure Ponyville has gotten past all that 'evil enchantress' garbage," said Scootaloo. "Besides, aren't cops supposed to be brave? Braver than your average pony, at least?"
"Maybe," said Sweetie, "but the Everfree Forest takes a little more than above-average bravery, and that goes double for trying to face anyone or anything that lives there."
"Enough of this!" declared Apple Bloom, stepping down from her seat. "Flappin' our gums ain't gettin' us anywhere. We'll tell the investigation team and see what they do, then we'll see what we'll do."
"Sounds like a plan." Scootaloo dismounted her chair as well.
Sweetie Belle caught up to them as they left the table. "And what do we do if the plan fails?"
Apple Bloom paused, saying simply, "Improvise."
"Great," Sweetie griped, continuing behind the other two Crusaders.


The Cutie Mark Crusaders sought out the nearest police officers, and found them near the center of town. A large circle of police tape surrounded an imprint in the grass where Pinkie's colossal surprise had erupted from a tiny box. Standing at the edge of the tape were three officers and Filthy Rich, the father of the missing Diamond Tiara. Two of the officers were examining the roped-off site and conversing with each other, while the third spoke to Filthy Rich.

Scootaloo gave the officers investigating the flattened grass a sideways glance, whispering, "They can't seriously think that had anything to do with the disappearance."
"Leave no stone unturned, I guess," said Sweetie.
"C'mon," urged Apple Bloom. "Let's go tell 'em 'bout Zecora."
The three moved towards the officers observing the restricted site, but paused when they heard a particular question asked by the policemare speaking with Rich.
"Does she have any enemies? Anypony who would have a motive for kidnapping?"
The Cutie Mark Crusaders shuffled out of earshot, snickered for a moment, then hurried back to hear Filthy Rich's response.
"None that I know of," he said. "Though, from what I've heard, she's been having problems with her friends and classmates lately. I'm not suggesting any of them are at fault, just thought I'd mention it."
"Ya done 'er in, haven't ya?" joked Apple Bloom, jabbing Sweetie Belle's shoulder.
"Oh, you caught me," responded Sweetie, her voice thick with melodrama. "I'm a bad filly."
The trio laughed, drawing the attention of Filthy Rich and the policemare.
"Pardon me?" questioned the policemare.
Their immediate answer consisted of three blank faces. Then Apple Bloom straightened up, her expression softening.
"We heard that Diamond Tiara had gone missin'," said Apple Bloom slowly, shrinking under the skeptical eye of Filthy Rich. "Seein' that 'er pa is here, talkin' with ya'll, we decided to come 'n offer—"
"Our 'sincerest condolences,'" finished Scootaloo, rudely stepping between Apple Bloom and the inquiring mare. "'Sorry for your loss,' 'everything's going to be okay,' blah, blah, blah. Actually, we had some important info for the colts in blue."
Apple Bloom glanced to Sweetie Belle with an upraised eyebrow to find her anxiously eyeing Scootaloo.
"Do you now?" asked the officer, rolling her eyes. "Let's hear it."
"We know a zebra who lives in the Everfree Forest that would be glad to lend you her expertise on the area to help with your investigation." Scootaloo glanced to Filthy Rich, smiled at his stern look, then returned her attention to the policemare.
"We are aware of the zebra that resides in the Everfree Forest. The disappearance occurred no where near her property and we have no reason to involve her in this case."
"What if she asked t' help out?" asked Apple Bloom, sidestepping Scootaloo to speak clearly to the officer.
"Her knowledge of the area would be appreciated," reluctantly answered the policemare, "but unnecessary. What would help this case would be details involving the disappearance, not black magic and hexes."
Apple Bloom seemed offended by her words, though she said nothing in response.
"Well, Zecora knows the forest better than anypony else," reasoned Sweetie Belle. "She might know where the pony responsible would hide or escape."
"We'll consider it," muttered the officer, growing impatient. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I was talking with Mr. Rich."
"Thank you for your time," said Scootaloo, nodding in time with Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle.
The trio turned away, walking away from Filthy Rich and the officer questioning him.
"Well, that could have gone better," murmured Scootaloo.
"Is it just me, or does Filthy Rich not like us?" asked Sweetie, glancing back to the questioning.
"He likes me," said Apple Bloom. "Mostly 'cause he likes the whole Apple family fer puttin' 'im in business and whatnot."
"So if Sweetie Belle and I discover something as big as Zap Apples and boost stocks for Rich's Barnyard Bargains, he'll like us, too?" asked Scootaloo.
Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle both looked to Scootaloo with a blend of astonishment and amusement.
"How facetious of you," commented Sweetie Belle. "I'm impressed."
"Don't know what facetious means, but I try."


Several hours later...

"If the plan worked, I'm gonna be amazed," whispered Sweetie Belle.
She, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo had all quietly approached Zecora's hut and taken up positions to scout the area. Thirty seconds into her assignment, Sweetie Belle had grown bored and become talkative.
"I'm not seeing her through any of the windows," replied Scootaloo, squinting through the undergrowth that concealed her.
"Ah think she might be gone," said Apple Bloom, stepping out of her cover. "Ah'm goin' in."
She approached the door to the hut and knocked. After receiving no response, she opened the door a crack and peered inside.
"The coast is clear!" she called.
Sweetie and Scootaloo emerged from their cover to join Apple Bloom at the entrance to the hut.
"Alrighty," said Apple Bloom, fully opening the door. "Scootaloo, help me look fer the ingredients we need. Sweetie Belle, you keep watch."
"What?" asked Sweetie. "You want me to keep watch? Why?"
"'Cause most of the stuff in Zecora's hut is creepier than anything you'll find out here," answered Scootaloo, gesturing to a tribal mask that hung on a wall inside.
Sweetie sighed, nodding curtly. "Alright. I'll holler if I see anypony coming our way."
"Great!" Apple Bloom took a step to enter the hut. "We won't be long."
She and Scootaloo stepped inside, Scootaloo closing the door behind her. Sweetie Belle turned away and scowled at the forest surrounding her, determined to keep vigilant lookout for anypony (or zebra) that might be suspicious of their breaking and entering.

Within a minute of resolving to remain diligent, Sweetie Belle had seated herself in the dirt with a groan. She scanned her surroundings once more, though with more of an inattentive disinterest than dutiful keenness. Sweetie had once been terrified of the Everfree Forest, as many ponies were, but frequent crusades into the forest had allowed her to grow familiar with it, almost to the point of being comfortable. Though she never lightly discounted the very real dangers the Everfree Forest hosted, they had gradually become more interesting than frightening as she grew accustomed to them. Now, being posted as lookout to a theft in the Everfree Forest was far from Sweetie's idea of a good use of a summer afternoon, but she found herself more distracted and bored than she should have been. Which is exactly why a faint mew from beyond her line of sight captured her attention. A second compelled her to rise and perk up her ears. A third drove her to breach the treeline and investigate the source. Pushing through a few dense bushes and a single thorny shrub with relative ease, Sweetie Belle discovered the creature that had been mewing. In a small clearing trundled about a small black kitten with a curious disposition. Sweetie marveled at the cat, mesmerized by its naturally adorable kitten features.
"Are you lost in the forest?" cooed Sweetie.
The kitten, startled by Sweetie's question, blinked, glanced up at her, then turned and ran in a seemingly random direction.
"No! Wait!" Sweetie Belle gave chase.

After surveying the contents of five leather pouches, Scootaloo finally happened upon one that she believed to contain an ingredient they needed.
"You said we needed a white powder." Scootaloo tossed the bag to the floor beside Apple Bloom. "This it?"
Apple Bloom glanced inside the bag, nodding her approval. "Looks t' be."
"So, is this like salt peter, or something?" Scootaloo prodded the pouch.
"Yes, Scootaloo, it's salt peter, 'cause we're makin' black powder." Apple Bloom rolled her eyes. "Why would we feed somethin' t' Rainbow Dash with salt peter in it?"
"I was just asking." Scootaloo turned away, scouring shelves for more ingredients. After a moment, she mused, "Although, we could do a lot with black powder."
"Ain't happenin'," scolded Apple Bloom.
"You're no fun." Scootaloo looked over neatly assembled collections of feathers and leaves, then called to outside the hut, "Sweetie Belle! See anything yet?"
She awaited a response, yet Sweetie Belle said nothing.
Upon receiving no response, she called, "Sweetie Belle? You holdin' up out there?"
Again, no response.
"Sweetie Belle?" asked Apple Bloom. "Ya okay out there?"
The two crossed to the door, opening it to find neither hide nor tail of Sweetie Belle.
"Well, shoot," said Scootaloo, giving the surrounding forest a once over. "Where did she go?"

Though failing to keep pace with the frightened kitten, the creature eventually arrived at its den formed of the protruding roots of a large tree. It nestled inside, wincing as Sweetie Belle galloped into view.
"There you are!" exclaimed Sweetie Belle, pausing to catch her breath. "You're super fast."
She approached the den, the kitten squirming and mewing quietly. The arcing roots just tall enough to allow Sweetie to enter the den by crouching slightly, Sweetie Belle stepped inside and stroked the kitten's back, provoking a shrill, panicked cry from the creature.
"Oh, no, no," urged Sweetie Belle, sitting and picking up the frightened kitten. "I'm not going to hurt you."
Unconvinced by her reassurance, the creature's desperate mewing and squirming only worsened. Thinking the kitten to be a skittish house cat that had wandered away from its home in Ponyville, Sweetie Belle hugged it and rubbed her cheek against its shoulder.
"It's okay. I'm going to get you out of this scary forest and back home."
A low, threatening growl resonated from where Sweetie Belle had first caught sight of the kitten's den. Sweetie Belle's comforting of the squirming and mewing kitten ceased, her senses now alert.
"Scootaloo?" apprehensively asked Sweetie Belle.
The answer came as a fierce snarl.
"No, not Scootaloo." Sweetie Belle turned her head, gripping the kitten in her grasp more tightly than before, causing it noticeable discomfort.
Standing not fifteen steps away from Sweetie was a midnight-black panther baring menacing yellow fangs and glaring at her with striking golden eyes.
"Oh..." Sweetie Belle began, smiling nervously at the glowering panther. "So this isn't a cat from Ponyville," she held up the 'kitten,' "but actually a panther cub."
She set the panther cub down, the cat quickly scurrying to the adult panther that had answered its calls for help.
"Which means you're probably its mother," reasoned Sweetie Belle, standing and retaining the same nervous smile. "And this, where I'm standing, is probably your home. That I'm in. While I was touching your baby. Yeah, sorry about that."
The panther gave an unamused hiss, crouching as if to pounce.
"Right. Well, if you don't mind, I think I'm going to screeeeeam!"