I groaned as the minute hand of the station clock crept into the second half of the hour. The train was thirty six minutes and thirty seconds late by that clock. One of my best, it was accurate down to around twenty or so seconds lost per week,very precise for a pendulum clock. There’s a reason that most of Ponyville have Time Turner Timepieces. You won’t find any better around here.
I stood alone outside while everypony else was inside out of the cold. Ponyville station is little more than a small building, a coal shed, and a low platform. It’s really just a little stop between Canterlot and the other end of the line, here mostly for passengers to use the restrooms. Today’s destination was the fabulous city of Los Pegasus, and the train would be filled with wealthy Canterlot ponies ready to lose their money.
My plan was simple: I’d to Los Pegasus and get as much of that money as I could out of the rich twits. A time keeper’s salary is almost non-existent and so I need to supplement it. Between selling clocks and the occasional business trip, I’ve managed a set fair bit aside. Here’s a tip, ‘never to gamble what you can’t afford to lose’. But right now I could afford to lose, and I had a few tricks to help me win.
I stepped back from the window and returned to walking back and forth along the platform. I’m a pacer by nature, most earth ponies are, and it was either this or huddling inside with everypony else. The exercise helped to keep me warm while the cold wind blew past with rogue leaves that escaped the clean up following the ‘running’ last week.
As I did another circuit of the platform, the train finally meandered around the corner with a half dozen earth ponies running in front of it. There wasn’t any smoke blowing from the engine’s smoke stack, and the only reason it was making any speed at all was because they were running downhill.
Out of coal again? I thought. It never seemed like Equestria could import enough coal to keep the trains running. I had to be in Los Pegasus before the day ran out, and without coal I might as well run the entire way myself. The brakes on the engine screeched as it came to a stop in Ponyville Station. Without fuel, the breaks were the only reason to drag it along with them.
I casually worked my way off the platform and up to where the ponies pulling the train were taking a breather. They were as out of puff as the engine was. I put on a pleasant smile and asked, “Did you guys gallop all the way from Canterlot with that thing?”
A couple of the engineers gave me a breathless nod while the lead engineer said, “Canterlot Yard *huff* is *puff* outta coal.”
“No kidding,” I said quietly. I considered the engine chained behind them, “I’ve always wondered why you don’t just use wood. A team of earth ponies could easily farm enough timber to fuel all of Equestria’s trains.”
The lead engineer gave me a nod and used his cap to wipe the sweat off his brow. “Yeah, that’s been suggested before. But Management didn’t think a tree farm would keep up with the usage.”
I snorted, “Really? Let me guess, the management are…”
“Unicorns,” he replied and we laughed lightly. It’s the shared plight of earth ponies everywhere. You see pegasi with wings and unicorns with horns, but there can’t be anything special about earth ponies because we don’t have the extras. Yet it’s always the earth pony that’ll surprise you.
“You know,” I said as the laughter dried up. “Somepony should just sell them charcoal instead. They’d never see the difference.”
“It would fix the short fall at least,” the engineer agreed. “Yeah, I’ll ask around. Somepony’s got to have a cousin in wood farming somewhere.”
“It wouldn’t surprise me. I have a second cousin who pilots airships.” Unicorns might have long bloodlines and detailed family trees, but earth ponies mastered interconnected families.
“Well,” I looked around. “If you guys want ride the rest of the way; you could get some coal out of the shed over there,” I pointed back toward a shed adjoining the station.
The lead engineer got his breath back and said, “The emergency stock? That’s for guard use only.”
“Pfft,” I shrugged. “They never use it. I’ll tell you what: I work for the mayor’s office, so I can just fill in a form and have it restocked. No pony will notice it’s gone.” I smiled to myself as the engineer considered my proposal. He looked to the train, then at his crew nodding back at him and finally back to me.
“We won’t get in trouble for this?”
“Nah,” I said with a smile. Public servants are lazy, they’d just decide to restock it and call it a day.
“Alright, we’ll get the loco up to steam,” the lead engineer conceded. “Just make sure the coal gets replaced.”
“No problem.” We bumped hooves to seal the deal and I went back to the passenger cars with a smile on my face.
I nipped into the forward carriage and I looked around to find a spare seat amongst all the Canterlot ponies already on board. After a minute of searching, I found an empty bench where a group of ponies must have just disembarked. I claimed the spot, shucked my bags off and laid myself down across it. I stretched, relaxed and then got out a book to read.
It was a few minutes while the steam engine warmed up. I read quietly while the other ponies in the carriage talked amongst themselves. I was halfway through a chapter when the bench shook as somepony sat down on the other end. I looked over my book to see a purple pegasus with a blond mane spreading herself out to get comfortable.
She looked up and noticed me peering over my book. She threw me a smile, gave her wings a flutter and said, “hi there.” Then she wiggled her eyebrows at me.
“Hello, Cloud Kicker,” I said as I looked back at my book. “I heard the weather team’s been doing well lately.”
“Going to Los Pegasus as well, Time Turner?” Cloud asked. “You know, we could always find a good nightclub, or a hot tub,” she said with a sly smile. “Then after we’ll bang.”
That didn’t take long, I thought. I looked back over my book and found that Cloud had moved herself closer.
This is Cloud Kicker in a nutshell. If you’re single, you’re on her to-bang list, and I was, more or less, single. Cloud probably did Thunderlane last week. He’s been stupidly happy for some reason, and Time Turner would be the next alphabetically.
But I didn’t want to be just another pony she could cross off her list. I put my book down and leaned forward to look deep into Cloud’s eyes. “I’m going to be busy tonight. So, as appealing as the thought of going to a nightclub is, I’ll have to pass…” a flash of disappointment crossed her face, “…but the hot tub is tempting.”
“If you’d rather relax, I’ve learned a bit about giving massages," Cloud's eyes closed, a shiver running up her spine as her wings twitched. “The spa twins are great teachers…”
That’s… an interesting mental image, I thought. No, wait. Stop thinking about that. That’s how she gets you. Think of clocks, and change the subject.
I hummed in thought. “Perhaps I should pay them a visit and find out why Rarity’s always there.” I shrugged, “there’s got to be something to it.”
“Perhaps they do more than massage her…” Cloud thought aloud.
“Unlikely, last I heard she was still pining for some distant and unreachable prince.” I shook my head and smiled, “Ah unicorns, it’s hard to be down to earth when you’re halfway up a mountain.”
“You don’t know who Rarity’s pining after?” Cloud looked a little surprised.
“Not really,” I lied.
“Prince Blueblood,” Cloud said with a roll of her eyes and sighed. “Rarity’s got herself tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala, and she’s planning on cornering Blueblood there to declare her undying love to him. It was the talk of the town for an entire week, how didn’t you know?”
“I must have been out of town that week,” I said. I knew about it, Rarity hadn’t been discrete about her intentions, but by pretending I managed to derail Cloud Kicker. Looking a little silly was worth it.
“I just don’t get what she sees in him,” Cloud said. “He’s an arrogant, stuck up, insolent, waste of space.” Cloud started squashing a white cushion sitting between us.
I couldn’t resist. “Feeling a little jealous?” I had a smirk spread across my face. Cloud glared up and me and pushed the little white cushion into the seat lining. “Rarity’s entitled to her opinion,” I continued. “Personally, I think it’s just another part of the fantasy she’s written for her life.” I tilted my head in thought. “Though to be fair she’s done quite well for herself, despite delusions of grandeur. She’ll learn when she meets him.” After all, she won’t listen to anypony else.
“You know Blueblood as well?”
“I used to do consulting work in Canterlot.” I rolled my eyes, “I spent enough time there to learn to love the place and to hate it as well.” I brought my fore hooves together, “Blueblood is a complete jackass, but as far as I can tell he and his predecessors have helped the Princess manage her more… stuck up subjects.” I chuckled, “they deserve him.”
“They can keep him.”
“I don’t know,” I said. “Perhaps Rarity might be able to find the diamond buried in Blueblood’s heart.”
“And Rainbow Dash will give up her dream of becoming a wonderbolt,” Cloud joked.
“There’s a thought, I should see if someone in Los Pegasus will give me good odds on whether Dash will make it.” I smiled, “We both know it’s going to happen, but nopony in LP does.”
“After the best young flyers competition, I don’t think anypony in Los Pegasus would take that bet,” she said with a satisfied smile. “Since we’re on the subject of LP, what are you doing tonight anyway?” She asked. “It must be fun.”
I shrugged, “not really. I’ll be stuck in a room with a bunch of ponies who take themselves far too seriously.” I looked around at Canterlot ponies surrounding us. “You know, like most of the ponies in this carriage.” A few unicorns who’d been watching our exchange in interest suddenly decided we weren’t important enough for them, and looked away.
“What’s so bad about them?”
“I’ve spent enough time consulting in Canterlot to know what they’re like. They’re vultures, and they deserve Blueblood,” I said with a snort. “If they didn’t pay so well I wouldn’t visit as often as I do. Spend some time there and you’ll see what I mean.”
A smirk crossed Cloud Kicker’s face as she said, “I grew up in Canterlot.”
I snorted, “You don’t sound like you’re from Canterlot.”
“Well neither do you,” she replied in sing song.
“That’s because I’m from Trottingham.” I brought a hoof to my chest and declared, “Home of dramatic theatre.” I laid myself back down with a shrug. “It was a nice place, but I like living in Ponyville more. There’s less drama.”
The look Cloud Kicker gave me was priceless. If I had to describe it I’d say it was two parts ‘what?’, mixed with three parts disbelief, one part ‘really?’ and shaken with ‘you’re kidding right?’
I shrugged, “Granted, Nightmare Moon was a bit weird, but crazy stuff happens all over Equestria. Trottingham had a mule in a mask haunting the opera house for a few years when I was a colt, and I’m never going to forget the ‘Crystal Dragon’ incident.”
“Crystal—“
“Don’t ask,” I interrupted. “All I’m going to say is I was picking fragments of crystal out of my coat for days.”
Cloud’s face was a picture a disappointment, until she grinned evilly and said, “Well, maybe I could check to see if any are left in your coat tonight.” Cloud wiggled her eyebrows and gave me a saucy smile to make her intentions as obvious as a buck to the face.
Ah, horse apples. “I’ll be busy. Because tonight I’ll be in a dull game of wits, lying, greed, cruelty and other terrible things that terrible ponies do to each other.
“I could just take you to a nightclub instead,” she replied. “Wouldn’t you rather do that then sit in a room full of ‘terrible’ ponies?”
“A nightclub doesn’t have a prize pool of two thousand bits.” Her wings ruffled and ears flicked as she looked at me with renewed interest. “Los Pegasus isn’t just the home of nightlife and film stars,” I explained. “It’s also got poker tournaments; like the Autumn Free Fall at Cloud Nine.”
“How are you getting into that?”
“It’s not an invitational,” I shrugged. “I just need to put two hundred and fifty bits in the pot and I’m in.” Sure two fifty’s a lot, but it’s what I charge for some of my more interesting business trips to Canterlot. If there’s one good thing about nobles it’s that they’re loaded with money.
“Then how are you getting up to Cloud Nine?” she asked again. Of course it was a cloud hotel.
I brought my hooves together with a clink and showed her my shoes. “I’m sure a pegasus like you can tell me about thunder forged steel.” Forging steel with pegasus induced lighting is an artisan craft only a few pegasi still practice. The big advantage to thunder forging is the residual pegasus magic from the process lets the steel sit on a cloud like a pegasus can, and a set of shoes will let me walk on clouds without getting an enchantment.
“Where did you get those?” she asked as she admired the skilled work.
“A gift from a friend,” I said evasively. The pegasi responsible are very skilled smiths and they made them especially for me as part of a job they needed done.
“They won’t help you fly.”
I shrugged, “maybe there’s a pegasus somewhere willing to let me ride her up there.” Cloud Kicker grinned back at me and I cringed as I realized what I’d just said.
Los Pegasus: The city built by hope, and made from dreams.
After Cloudsdale it’s the second largest cloud city in Equestria and the only place where gambling is encouraged. Personally, I suspect the only reason Princess Celestia has allowed this city to grow is to make sure all the bad eggs end up in one basket. That way if a rotten egg breaks the smell won’t reach the other towns and cities of Equestria.
Unlike Cloudsdale, which floats freely, Los Pegasus is anchored above the earth pony city of Applewood. The lower city was founded by an enterprising branch of the Apple Family that set up an orchard beneath Los Pegasus decades ago. In the face of almost insatiable demand for their produce; the founding Apples quickly expanded their orchards and soon rivalled their cousins in Ponyville.
Applewood quickly sprung up around the orchard as wingless ponies came to get the Los Pegasus experience. The only reason the Applewood orchard hasn’t outgrown Sweet Apple Acres is because the development of the city took up the land before they could buy it. Ironically, the slower more sedate growth of Ponyville has allowed Applejack and Big Mac to increase their lead over their cousins in terms of orchard size and output. Though being larger hasn’t improved the Acres’ income.
The engineers driving the train made up for lost time on the way and brought the train into the station only ten minutes after the scheduled time. Considering how late they were running it was a positively brilliant trip.
I followed Cloud Kicker out onto the platform. She’d spent the entire trip throwing more and more detailed euphemisms at me between other topics. I enjoy a good word challenge and I’d soon joined in as well. By the end of the trip I think we invented several new phrases and permanently scarred a dozen Canterlot unicorns for life. There were a couple of foals in the car as well, but like with most kids they’d completely missed the double meanings in our conversation.
I took a deep breath of the air and sighed. It didn’t smell like Ponyville. Applewood has the smell of the earth after rain, but Instead of being a temporary treat it was a permanent fixture and lost its specialness. The sky was occupied by the underside of Los Pegasus with areas of the city in permanent shade while others basked in bright spears of sunlight between clouds. Naturally the Applewood orchard was bathed entirely in sunlight.
We found a map of Applewood with information on how to get to the city above. Instructions for pegasi were simple, fly up. For the wingless there was a list of cloud stairways and warnings on the temporary nature of cloud walking spells. Listed beside each were extortionate tolls and prices for cloud walking enchantments. Everypony wants to be upstairs, and the greedy elements of Equestria were gathered here to take advantage of that.
“Somehow I don’t feel like paying twenty bits every time I use the stairs,” I grumbled. “Cloud Kicker, can I get a favour?”
She turned to look at me and gave an interested, “hm?” This was probably why she stuck around. She knew I’d be asking.
“I don’t want to be a chump and take the normal options, they're all terrible.” I sighed, “I’m guessing you don’t have a hotel room booked for tonight?”
“I wasn’t planning on booking one,” she replied innocently. Three guesses to what she meant by that.
“Well,” I said. “If you give me a lift up to Cloud Nine I’ll return the favour.” I weighed up my decision one more time and said, “All players in the Autumn Free Fall get a complimentary overnight stay in one of their best suites. I’ll let you share it, and if you’re interested you can come watch the tournament.”
Cloud Kicker brought a hoof up to her chin and made a show of considering it before asking, “Room service?”
“I’ll split it with you.”
“The bed?”
“Princess sized cloud bed, but you’ll get the couch.”
“We’ll see,” she said with a smile. “What time does the Free Fall end?”
“When I win it,” I replied.
One of her eyebrows went up, “You sound confident.”
“I travelled across country from my comfortable rut in Ponyville with over two hundred bits to put in the pot,” I said flatly. “Damn right I’m confident.”
“I bet the other players think that too.”
“That just means they’ll—“A unicorn bumped past me at a gallop, and his horn was dimly lit as he ran away. I flicked my head back toward my saddlebags. My coin purse was gone. This is why you shouldn’t say that you’re carrying lots of money in public, or at least in Los Pegasus.
I scowled at the thief as he galloped away. Cloud Kicker figured it out and shot after him. Sure she could probably get it back quick enough, but I wanted to do this myself and I could make it look like an accident.
“Reset,” I said and the world froze. A grin crossed my face as time reversed and brought the unicorn thief back toward me. This is my special talent; it allows me to turn time backwards by up to forty two seconds. Good for fixing mistakes and avoiding accidents. I can’t do it all the time because it needs to recharge after each use, but when I do use it, I abuse it.
“I bet the other players think that too,” Cloud Kicker repeated as time resumed.
I nodded as I threw a hoof up. To an observer it would look like I was about to point at something. Now, a unicorn’s horn has a direct line to their brain. Eons ago it might have been a dangerous weapon, but now it was a magically laced bundle of nerve tissue connected to an alicorn spiral. From what I’ve been told, giving it a good whack really hurts and it’s also a good way to stop a unicorn casting a spell.
The thief ran straight into my steel shod hoof, knocked himself silly and tumbled onto the ground. I tried to keep a smirk from my face as I ran over to him.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t see you there.” I stood over him and gave his shoulder a tap, “you know, if you gallop around like that somepony might think you’re up to no good.”
A flash of surprise crossed his face when he realized who was standing over him. I gave him a nice wide crocodile smile.
“Is he alright?” Cloud Kicker asked she landed on the other side of him.
“Oh, it was just a bump on the horn.” I helped him stand back up, put an arm over his shoulder and leant over to whisper in his ear. “I know what you were planning,” I whispered pleasantly. “You’re going to walk away like this never happened, and I’ll forget all about this.” I removed all trace of emotion from my voice, “If I ever see you again, I will drag your sorry flank to the nearest guard station and get them to put you through a reform spell.” I gave him nice a pat on the back. “Now say thank you and walk away.”
I took my arm back and the thief thanked me for my help before calmly walking away. He broke into a gallop once he was halfway down the street. I waved politely.
“I wouldn’t have let him go,” Cloud Kicker said darkly.
She noticed? I looked back over my shoulder, “Don’t be so judgemental, Cloud Kicker. He was stupid and he paid for it.” I checked to see if the thief was gone and then turned to smile at Cloud. “Anyway, he hit me hard enough that his horn’s going to be smarting for days.”
“And if he tries to steal again, what then?”
That put an eyebrow up. I paused to look at Cloud for a moment, she didn’t look angry, but she looked like she was in a bit of grouch. It was probably a good time to fall back on the old stallion standby for dealing with mares, don’t say anything.
Cloud continued on with a little remorse in her voice, “You should never let a problem go, or it’ll get worse and when it does it’ll be too late to stop it.” Cloud Kicker sighed and stared off into distance.
So, that touched on something. Luna alone knows what nightmares might have been haunting Cloud. I stepped closer. I’m not a paragon among ponies or much of a softy, but Cloud looked like she needed a hug from a friend. I supposed I was the closest thing to that around here.
I put an arm over her shoulder and pulled her closer to ask, “You okay?”
Physical contact snapped Cloud Kicker out of her funk and she returned it by throwing a wing over me. I flinched a little at the sudden escalation. “I’m fine,” she said. “And I’ve finally managed to get a hold on you.” Her sudden move back towards her ‘normal’ mood felt like an attempt to hide her funk.
What are you hiding, Cloud? I decided to keep an eye on her for now. I always love a good mystery. “Yes well, I doubt you’ll have to worry about that guy for long,” I said to change topic. “If he doesn’t learn he’ll get caught again and be dragged to the Princess for a reform spell.”
Cloud eyed me for a moment. “How did you know what he was about to do anyway?”
I don’t tell anypony about my time turning ability. For one thing, if anypony found out I wouldn’t be able to get into the poker game upstairs. “He was following us from the platform,” I lied. “I’m good at reading ponies. I just had to wait for him to make a move and clap him on the horn.”
Cloud regarded me with a tilted head and a raised eyebrow. “Really, so you think you’re good enough at that to win the Free Fall?” She took her wing back, stepped in front of me and said, “Go on, read me. What am I thinking?”
I narrowed my eyes as I scanned every detail of her posture and her wings. Then I brought a hoof up to my chin and stood thinking for a minute before answering, “You think I’m making it all up and talking a pillow full of pony feathers.”
Cloud gave me a snort, “amazing.”
I shrugged, “you were either going to think I was psychic, could see the future, or I’m crazy. It was the safe bet, and that’s how I’m going to win. I’ll play it safe and when they’re vulnerable, I’ll strike.” That speech did little to remove the sceptical look from her face. “Don’t believe me? Come watch the game and see what happens.”
Cloud Kicker shook her head and opened her wings. “Get on, and let’s go.”
I grinned, “I thought you preferred to be on top?”
Cloud Kicker held me between her legs as we flew up toward the clouds above. It was an interesting feeling being carried like this. I couldn’t feel the earth beneath my hooves anymore and I found that surprisingly weird. I knew I would be fine, but it felt like some key part of me had been taken away. You can take the pony away from the earth, but you can’t take the earth out of the earth pony. I wondered if this was how pegasi felt when they’re grounded.
Looking around I admired the cloud architecture of the city. Everything was big, open and grand. Most of the structures wouldn’t even be able to support their own weight if they were made from conventional materials. Unlike Cloudsdale, there wasn’t a single style shared between buildings. Instead the cloud structures resembled architecture from all over Equestria, the stark column and openness of Cloudsdale meeting the curved swirl of Canterlot amid the gothic grandeur of Stalliongrad. The only thing missing was the simple homey-ness of Ponyville and other earth pony towns.
We flew towards the largest cloud in the sky, the luxurious Cloud Nine Casino. We came to low hover over a landing pad and Cloud put me down on the surface. The cloud beneath me didn’t feel solid; it was like standing on soft sand that had a little bit of a bounce to it. Cloud touched down beside me and we walked inside.
Out of curiosity I stopped to flick my tail through a cloud column. It seemed that everything else still went through the clouds. I was a little more careful with my hoof steps after that. The last thing I wanted was to trip over and wind up hanging upside down from my shoes.
I walked over to the reception desk where Cloud Kicker had already started to chat up the desk mare. When I finally got the desk mare’s attention, we made arrangements for the room and I gave her a letter of credit from the Ponyville branch of my bank as a deposit.
With that sorted, she gave me my room number, a key to the room’s safe, and sent a note down to room service to get enchanted bed sheets sent up. I wanted to be able to sleep in my bed after all.
We went upstairs to my room and opened the door. “Not bad,” I rated as I looked around the open room. The view was excellent and I could see Canterlot and Cloudsdale in the distance. There was a small kitchen and sitting room with the bedroom adjoining.
“I’m surprised they’re letting us stay for free,” Cloud Kicker said.
“It’s just for one night,” I said cynically. “That’s as far as their generosity will go, and I’m sure they’re making their money back somewhere.”
“Well, we’d better make the most of it then,” Cloud Kicker said as she went to check out the bedroom.
Instead of following her I went over to the room safe in one of the sitting room walls. I opened it with the key and I put my saddle bags inside. I took out my money and my old fedora hat. I hit the hat against my flank a few times to get the dust out of it, I don’t wear it often these days. When I was done I put the coin purse on my head and covered it with the hat.
I closed the safe, locked it shut and hid the key in the lining of my hat. It isn’t easy to secure a cloud room if the average pegasus could fly through any open window. I imagine safes like this are a common way to store valuables. Of course a safe’s only safe if it’s still in the room; I could throw it out the window and get anything out of it once it broke open on the ground below. Still, it looked safe enough.
Next, I decided get a drink and went to discover how a kitchen works in a cloud building. Not very well apparently. The kitchen looked much like one would downstairs, but with a few crucial differences. First: The oven was a freaking storm cloud, and when I stepped near it I felt my coat and mane stand on end. I decided not to touch it. Second: the sink had a traditional basin, made of cloud, with a fluffy rain cloud floating above it. I took a glass off a shelf, put it under the cloud and gave it a few taps with my hoof. Despite being able to touch it with my shoes I couldn’t to get it to rain.
Somehow I didn’t expect the bathroom to be much better.
Instead of using the sink to get a drink, I opened up the mini snow-cloud fridge and took out a bottle of juice. I opened it and drank it down in a single lift. When I put it back down I noticed a four bit price tag on the side. I’d had enough.
A passing glance at a sundial showed the time was getting toward five thirty. The Autumn Free Fall would be starting shortly. I went over to the bedroom and found Cloud Kicker spread-eagled on the bed. The enchanted bedspread hadn’t been brought up yet and Cloud was almost swimming in the fluffy looking cloud.
I coughed and she sat up and barely stifled a laugh when she saw me. “What is that on your head?”
“It’s a fedora,” I said as I straightened it. “Fedoras are cool.”
“Fifty years ago maybe,” she said and stopped suppressing her laughter. “Are you actually going to wear that?" She asked between chuckles.
“I’m going to a poker tournament.” Then I scowled, “Yes, I’m going to wear the hat. I hope you enjoyed the bed while you could, because you’re getting the couch tonight.”
It wasn’t like I could actually sit on the couch and so I won by default. Cloud said something along the lines of, “we’ll see,” as I walked out.
“Come on,” I called back. “The Free Fall’s starting soon and I want to win a year’s supply of impulse purchases.”