2: The Lineup
From the the testimony of one Ditzy 'Derpy' Hooves:
They got me last. I didnt know what I was doing there with these famous ponies. Rarity, Fluttershy, Applejack and rainbow dash never really included me Iin her friends wacky adventures, And even without Pinkie Pie , this whole arrest everypony thing was... very wacky.
Why me? I knew Pinkie was away in Canterlot for the contest, but Twilight must have been around... if Trixie had a bone to pick with the ponies that beat her, why did I get arrested?
I didn't really mind, though! because I knew I hadn't taken any muffins. At least, any prize winning muffins. At least any prize winning muffins I could remember.
Besides, it was fun! The five of us, hanging out...
.... like we were friends...
--
(Still) Six weeks ago
3:00PM. Ponyville Precinct.
The five ponies trudged in to the line up room in a... Well, in a line. Derpy first, next a dazed Rainbow Dash (with some fresh bandages on her head, covering her left eye ), then a trembling Fluttershy, a still sleepy Rarity and finally a very un-amused Applejack. Behind them was a wall with a height chart, in front of them was a mirror window. Derpy stopped at the end of the room an looked around. the four ponies were to her right, each with various expressions of unhappiness, each with a sign and corresponding number. Applejack was 1, Rarity was 2, and so on. Derpy was an upside down not quite right 3, which she thought was odd. Magic lanterns floated above the mirror, but otherwise the room was bereft of anything notable except the door they entered in from. And and as soon as applejack finished entering the room, the door shut and the lanterns came alive with a bright Woosh! The light was blinding at first, but eventually it was just unpleasant. All five ponies winced.
Suddenly, a voice boomed "You all know the drill. When your number is called, step forward and read the words on the card."
There was a pause as everypony looked at each other in bafflement. Finally Rarity spoke up with a yawn, "I'm afraid no pony knows what card you're talking about, Darling."
There was another pause, and there was some muffled shouting behind the glass, followed by the sound of some pony being smacked with a newspaper. Finally the door opened and a pony with a fresh bump on his head (Dash recognized him as the same pony in the hot air balloon) sheepishly handed applejack a small card, and then closed the door. Applejack stared at it, and then showed it to the others. It made no sense.
" Number 1, step forward!"
Applejack huffed, "Trixie, I ain't got time for-"
"Step. Forward."
"This nonsense has already taken up my whole day! Apples ain't going to harvest themselves!"
"STEP FORWARD!"
She gave a withering look, a sigh and then took a step. She held up the tiny note card and cleared her throat.
"'Oh horse feathers, I dropped a muffin.'"
She waited, heard nothing and took a step back.
"Number 2!"
Rarity held her head up high . Applejack offered her the card, which Rarity magically lifted from and levitated in front of her. She stared at the card, nodded to herself, cleared her throat and closed her eyes. Silence.
"Oh HORSE FEATHERS!" She shrieked, throwing the card into the air, summoning her fainting couch and then collapsing onto it. "I dropped a, a, muffffiiinnnwaaaahhh!"
Every pony cracked up as fake sobs filled the room. Even Applejack managed a smile. Rarity's cries dissolved into chuckles, and she did a small bow. Derpy started to pound her hooves in applause, but quickly stopped as every pony stared at her.
"That's enough!" Boomed the voice, "Trixie demands no fainting couches in the lineup! Number three!"
Rarity floated the card to Fluttershy, who stopped smiling and nervously fidgeted with it. It was fun when other ponies were on stage, but it was rarely fun for her. She only agreed to be talked into the Hearts Warming Eve pageant because it was once a year. Even thought it was the other four ponies and Trixie- well, Trixie and whoever was behind that glass- oh my goodness, the train pony was probably behind there, and, and maybe Mrs. Cake? And who knows who else? Twilight? What about Princess Celestia?! Did they bring her in on Muffin Crimes?
"Number three!"
She opened her mouth and "ohhorsefeathersidroppedamuff..." tumbled out.
"In English, please."
Fluttershy blinked. "Ex...excuse me?"
"In English!"
"Oh.. Horse... I..." She squeaked, and couldn't stop shaking. The note fell out of her hood and fell to the ground.
"Speak up, number three!"
Standing next to her, Rainbow Dash was also shaking. With rage. While she and Fluttershy couldn't be more different ponies personality wise, there was a part of Dash that would always be protective of the timid pegasus. And while being accused of crimes against pastry was one thing (a crime which, to be sure, they were both guilty of in the past) there was no need to be mean.
If Trixie wanted to play games, Dash would play. And win. Dash grabbed the card.
"Number f-"
Dash took a giant breath.
"Oh! Horsefeathers! I! Dropped! A Muffin!"
The other ponies visibly jumped back from her as she pounded the ground with each word. Dash smiled without mirth, and thrust the note to her left, where Derpy stood.
"Number five."
Derpy took the note and squinted at it. Reading was not her strong suit, despite the fact that it was, in fact, part of her job description.
"Number 5!"
Derpy wondered why number 5 wasn't talking, and then she realized that a backwards not quite 3 was actually... A 5 upside down. Embarrassed, she nodded to the voice, and squinted even harder at the piece of paper. She could feel the other ponies staring at her. Then a light went off: she didn't have to read it, she just had to do what the other ponies did! Say the line, slightly different! Yes! Just fit in!
"Oh Horsefeathers! I dropped a..." she paused for effect. "....muffin?" She said the last word loudly and proudly, like it was a question for the ages. She then turned and grinned at the other ponies, looking for confirmation that she had done what was required.
Reaction was mixed.
Applejack was giving her a very dull stare, followed by a snort. Rarity's smile hovered somewhere between encouragement and pity. Fluttershy wasn't looking anywhere but the ground, which she pawed at idly. Rainbow Dash was wearing a pair of sunglasses that she had somehow acquired in the last few moments, so her expression as unreadable.
Derpy drooped just a little. They weren't the stares she usually got, but they weren't exactly friendly. Oh well.
But as they were being led out, Dash turned to Derpy, and did something wonderful. She lowered her sunglasses and, using her one good eye, winked at Derpy.
Derpy Hooves asked for so little out of life. In that moment, she got it. Happiness filled her heart. The fact that she was in jail was immaterial.
**
3:30PM. Mayor's Office.
The Mayor was working busily on planning next year's Winter Round Up. The previous one had just ended not to long ago, which of course meant the next one was around the corner. Her office was nice and quiet, save for a ticking clock, which was just the way she wanted it. Ponyville was the nicest of all possible towns, but it could also be very... loud. Especially when a certain pink pony was throwing a party. Which was almost everyday.
But Pinkie was still coming back from Canterlot, which meant the Mayor had just a little bit of time to get some work done before... what was that noise?
There was a dull roar from just outside her door, which she began to recognize as the familiar sound of ponies arguing. But usually it was two earth ponies over a farm dispute, or two pegasi who ran into one another. No, this was different, it was lots of voice, different ages, arguing.
And it was coming closer.
Knock Knock
The Mayor looked up, frowning. Technically, no one had an appointment for the next thirty minutes. Maybe they'll just go away.
Knock Knock Knock Knock
Maybe not.
The Mayor weighed her options. Suddenly one voice rose above the others.
"Mayor. We need to talk!"
Oh no, it's Twilight Sparkle...
"Mayor!"
Maybe she could just hide under the desk.
Then the door burst open, and all manner of ponies fell into her office. The Mayor paused and looked at the motley crew in front of her. Yes, here was Twilight "Smarty Pants Incident" Sparkle. But also Applejack's family sans Applejack, Rarity's little sister, a little orange pegasi whose name she could not recall, the zebra witch Zecora from the forest and the Cakes. There was also a police pony standing dangerously at attention.
"I see.... all of you at the same time?"
A cacophony of voices answered her:
"Yes!" said Twilight. "Eeyup." said Big Mac. "Now!" said Applebloom. "Er... now?" said Sweetie Belle, more tentatively.
"Yeah!" said Scootaloo. "At once!" whined Mr. Cake, who was shaking. "Now now, dear, " comforted Mrs. Cake.
"Talk we must, for what is just!" said Zecora.
The Mayor managed a grim smile. "Oh, Good."
Only the policepony was silent. She gave him a look. "And who are you?"
The pony saluted. "Officer Pokey, Ma'm. Pony Pokey. Of the newly formed Great and Powerful Sheriff Trixie Posse!"
The Mayor sighed. "But of course you are."
**
From the continued testimony of one Ditzy "Derpy" Hooves
After the line up, they went to work on us, one by one.
What? Oh, I'm sorry, that's what Dash called it. I meant they started questioning us, one by one. Applejack went first, complaining all the way in that no muffins were worth all this trouble. (I could, though! I mean... Muffins! Mmm!)
Applejack? She's the hardest worker I know! She's strong and honest. She always pays her way. Theres no way shed take muffins without paying! And shes kind and patient...Definitely, a pony who cares about everypony!
**
3:45 PM: Ponyville Precinct, Interrogation Room.
"I'm gonna have your badge, sugar cube." hissed Applejack, " and you better believe if I lose a crop of apples I'm sending you the bill."
"Trixie is the one making the threats here!"
Applejack snorted and leaned back in her chair.
"I've never been arrested for nothin. Ever. And even I know y'all aint got a hoof to stand on."
Trixie sneered. "No one is innocent, Ms: Jack. every pony is guilty of something."
"We'll not me! Never stole, Never cheated no-pony! Well, except for in the race with Dash, but she cheated too..."
"Ah ha! Yes! Confess your sins to Trixie!"
"I ain't ever taken nothing I didn't pay for, and you know it. I don't even know why I'm here."
Trixie's assistant ran in with a piece of paper, gave it to Trixie with a whisper; then rushed out. Trixie smiled triumphantly.
"The dance is done, Ms. Jack. These were apple muffins," she said proudly brandishing the letter," and we just found traces of apple leading to your home!"
"Really. I work on an apple farm," deadpanned Applejack. "Where apples are pretty much all we do."
Trixie looked over at her assistant, who swallowed and gave a miserable nod.
Applejack cocked her head "You got a team of diamond dogs working around the clock on this one?"
"Trixie will not be ruffled by the likes of you! We have the power to keep you here all night if you don't talk! Do you know what happens then?"
Applejack shrugged. "Twilight cleans your clock and Pinkie Pie throws you a party?" Then she leaned so she was practically nose to nose with Trixie. "You gonna charge me, honey?"
**
Next was Rarity, just the most gorgeous fashionista pony ever! She's the spirit of generosity, and she's always giving! Just the other day, she was giving me advice on how to wear my mail cap and how to not fly through her windows. She's a giver, not a taker!
She could be a little... Dramatic, though? I dunno.
Also, where she gets that couch from, I also dunno,
**
"You can't keep me here any longer! I'm being deprived of my beauty sleep, and thats practically torture! or at LEAST a crime against fashion! Officers, you should arrest her for THAT!"
"Trixie is in charge of what the crimes are here! Now, tell us where you were-"
"I'm going to tell the MAYOR!" she collapsed onto her fainting couch, which again had materialized from nowhere. "I'm going to tell TWILIGHT SPARKLE. I'm going to tell the PRINCESS, who is a close personal friend!"
"Really? Luna or Celestia?" Piped up the taller of the two ponies guarding the door.
"BOTH." Replied Rarity.
"The mayor and the princesses know of my authority! They do not question it, they-"
"Excuse me, Ms. Rarity?" That same guard pony was raising a hoof. "Do you think if I gave you a picture of Princess Luna, you could have it autographed for my niece?"
There was a pause.
"She's a big fan, and uh. Well it would mean a lot to her."
Trixie stared, her eye twitching. Rarity, after looking confused for a moment, saved the day with a gracious smile and said, "Of course dear, I'm sure Luna wouldn't mind at all. Just as soon as we've cleared up these baseless charges and false arrest. Drop it off at my boutique."
"Baseless?! False?! BOUTIQUE?! " snarled Trixie. "you mock our mission!"
Rarity patted Trixie's hoof sympathetically. "Just nerves, my dear. I know this is embarrassing for you, first case and all. But next time you should have some evidence before you start arresting ponies."
"Evidence?! You know you were one of the three ponies charged with eating the Cake's cake!"
Rarity bristled. "How DARE you. That was never proven in a court of pony law!"
Trixie smirked. "So you deny it, then?"
"Oh was that the prize winning cake that made the cakes famous?" Said the soon-to-be-demoted officer with the niece. "Shucks, I heard that thing was beautiful. A shame Pinkie Pie ate it all after the Cake's won."
Trixie stared at her minion with her mouth open, wondering how it was possible for a pony to be quite so stupid. The other guard pony quietly inched away from his partner, figuring there was no reason for him to get in trouble too.
Rarity regarded the surely-no-longer-employed officer with a smile. "Well at least one pony has his facts straight. And such a tall, handsome, caring about family stallion... And does Mr... Ah?"
"Officer Steady, ma'm. Rock Steady."
"Does Officer Steady have a lucky special somepony?"
Officer Steady blushed. "Gee, uh, we'll actually-"
"TRIXIE DOES NOT BELIEVE THIS. THIS IS A POLICE INVESTIGATION NOT A SINGLES MIXER. FOOLS. YOU ARE ALL FOOLS." Trixie heaved a giant breath and pointed at the now-surely-doomed Officer Steady. "YOU are relieved of duty!" Then she pointed at Rarity. "And YOU will tell me who ate those muffins!"
Rarity stared at Trixie coolly. "I would, darling, if I could. But I can't, so I won't." She stood haughtily. "So I'm not. Officer Steady? Since you're leaving as well, would you be so kind as to escort me to my cell?"
**
Fluttershy was quiet. A little too quiet if you ask me!
Really I can't ever hear her. She's too quiet when she speaks
She's a really nice pony, though. Very kind to all animals, and always smiling when I deliver her mail... Even if I kind of make a mistake or too with her deliveries. She says she understands, and I believe her. She says her little Angel also understands, but, I've seen the way that rabbit looks at me and I dunno. Maybe Angel doesn't understand what the word 'understands means.
She and Rarity were always having those weekly Spa dates. I knew they were close, but why on earth they would both be arrested for muffin napping was beyond me....
**
"And then I went to the market, and then I saw cute little spike, and then you... Um... arrested me... And then we did that line thingie and now I'm here." Said Fluttershy.
"That's interesting, Fluttershy." purred Trixie. "Because your friend Rarity told us a different story altogether."
"She did? Was it the one where she gave the water dragon part of her mane to fix his mustache? I LIKE that story." She smiled and looked at the pair of police ponies guarding the door. Rock Steady had been replaced by Trixie's twice-battered assistant, who was trying to look tough.
But it was hard to be tough with a pony like Fluttershy. Looking right you, saying things like, "I like any story, really, as long as it has a happy ending."
Fluttershy then turned to Trixie, bowed her head and added, "I'd like to go home now."
Trixie blinked. She could understand failing to bluff Applejack or intimidate Rarity, but surely she could not play a battle of wits with Fluttershy and lose. She tried a different tactic.
"Dear sweet naive Fluttershy, don't you see? Trixie has solved the mystery. The jig is up!"
"Jig? Said Fluttershy, suddenly apprehensive. "Oh, no thank you, I don't really like to dance. I get nervous."
"... I mean that I know. I know about the cake eating incident on the train."
"Oh, I don't like that story. Um. I can tell you about the time that Applejack thought I was a tree?"
"I mean that I know you did it!"
"Oh! Yes." Fluttershy hung her head. "Yes I did it."
"So you admit it?"
"Yes."
"Good! Now tell Trixie how you did it."
"Um... Did what?"
Trixie pounded the table. "The muffins you silly foal! Where are the muffins?"
"Oh.... I don't have any muffins. I could get some for you, though! If you let me go..."
Trixie face hoofed and sighed. "You've got to be bucking kidding Trixie."
"Oh wait, but, Carrot Top has my bits... Hopefully she still does... I asked her to hold them when- oh my goodness!"
"What?"
"My poor little Angel bunny as gone for hours without his fancy carrot lunch! OhmygoodnessheisgoingtoFLIP!"
"...what." Said Trixie flatly.
"Angel bunny is going to FLIP! He's going to FLIP FOR REAL!" Fluttershy stood up from her chair and started pacing in place, like she had to go to the little filly's room. " I've got to get out of here! I've got to... Got to got to got to..."
"Now THAT's a jig." Said the one of the police ponies.
Trixie just shook her head. "You're not going anywhere. Trixie will make sure your precious bunny gets his precious carrots. Now back to-"
"CAN YOU HEAR ME IN THE BACK?!" Hollered the now hysterical yellow pony, grabbing the blue unicorn by her shoulders, "HELLO!? MY BUNNY NEEDS CARROTS!"
"Off-off-icer-s-s!" Trixie stuttered mid shake. The officers restrained Fluttershy, who went limp as soon as they touched her. The whole precinct heard her crying as they dragged her away:
"Carrots... Extra fancy carrots...he deserves the carrotness... Angel bunny forgggggivvvee meeee....."
**
But Rainbow Dash, my best friend? For some reason Trixie was the happiest about grabbing her.
I didn't know this, but Dash was apparently a big prankster in school. She actually had a... Uh... A tape! No, that's not it. A... Report... A... A record! That's it. She had a record.
But I don't believe you can judge a pony by their past. After all, if that was he case with me and all the times I screwed up... I'd have no friends at all!
Maybe that's why no pony wanted to be Trixie's friend...
**
"I want my lawpony." said Rainbow Dash, still behind her sunglasses. "I know my rights."
Trixie smiled. She had prepared for this. "Unfortunately for you, rights are only for those who have never done wrong!"
There was a nervous cough, and Trixie's (much abused) assistant leaned over and said, "Yeah I don't think that's true, chief."
"Silence! Trixie's word is law- and the law says no..." She trailed off, realizing that the other police pony was staring at her, shaking his head. "Really?" She asked. Both police ponies nodded.
Trixie put her head in her hooves. "This department has the worst bucking law ponies."
Rainbow Dash chucked. "Yep. This is ridiculous. You got nothing on me. On any of us."
"Trixie thinks not, Ms. Spri-er- Dash." Her horn glowed and a thick file floated up from underneath the table and dropped in front of Rainbow Dash.
"You're not just a prime suspect in this case. Looks like you're famous in other parts of equestria."
Rainbow Dash lowered her sunglasses and stared down Trixie. "That was supposed to be sealed. How did you-"
"Cloudsdale alone, lets see... " Trixie grinned as she magically flicked through the pages of the file. "Vagrancy, disorderly conduct, flying while intoxicated... Need I go on?"
Dash frowned, but the anger was gone. There was a a far-away look in her eye as she murmured, "That all happened a long time ago."
Trixie leered. "Ponies don't forget. Especially when 'long ago' is but a few weeks. Or did you forget your train ride on the eat-all-the-cake express?" Trixie closed the book and leaned back, with a smirk. "And how do you think your friends will feel once they learn about the REAL Rainbow Dash?"
"I am Rainbow Dash," she spat back, but with a slight tremor in her voice. "Best flier in equestria. Awesome friend. Expert Weather Pony."
"Criminal!" Trixie cheerfully added. "Trixie is going to make you FAMOUS, you silly foal."
Dash stared at the ground. the room had gone very quiet. "Please." it was almost a whisper. "Please don't."
"Very well." said Trixie, and she produced a piece of paper and quill with the flourish of a poker player revealing an Ace as her final card. "Confess, and maybe Trixie will keep the past in the past."
Dash took the quill and stared at it and the paper. She felt like some other pony with her voice said: "What do you want it say."
Trixie blinked. "Why, the truth of course."
"Which is...?"
Trixie glared. "That you took the muffins! That you took the prize winning muffins, without permission, and what you did with them! And where we can find the evidence of your guilt!"
Dash, as drained as she was, managed a cold chuckle. "Seriously?
"Trixie will not have her first case end in lies! And half truths! Trixie doesn't just want your confession, Trixie wants everything! Total conviction, no room for doubt! Now WRITE."
Rainbow Dash's one good eye hardened. Then she looked down, and quickly scribbled something, and signed the paper and dropped the pen.
Trixie's shoulders sagged in relief. Finally. She hovered the paper back over to her and looked it over.
I WANT A LAWPONY.
R. DASH
Trixie's eyes couldn't have been more wider if the paper had said
WILL YOU MARRY ME.
XXOO
R. DASH
"I've been here for years. Same name, same address. And if you charge me with this... Crud." She pointed at Trixie. " I'll beat it. That's a Pinkie Promise."
Trixie tried to remain calm. "Are you done?"
Dash snorted and looked away, feigning disinterest. "Just get back to the muffins, Sheriff."
Trixie regarded Dash for a moment. Then her horn glowed a bright blue, and the chair underneath Dash pulled out from under her. She fell to the ground with a sudden violence that made the police ponies cringe. Dash cried out and then held her breath. Don't let them see you hurt... But it was hard to hide the tear that escaped her good eye. She looked up at her captor.
"Oh, good. NOW you're done." Trixie smiled. "Then lets get back to the Muffins.
**
4:00pm. Mayor's office. Ponyville.
"Well that's what I heard!" yelled Mr. Cake!
"Please, this is CITY HALL!" the Mayor said, stomping her hoof on her desk.
"Ms. Mayor, this is illegal!" Huffed Twilight. "Not to mention ridiculous."
The Mayor shook her head, "I'm sorry dear, we've gone over and over this. I know they're your friends, but theft is a serious charge. Even the theft of muffins."
"Excuse me?! Especially the theft of muffins!" Exclaimed Mr.Cake. "Those were our prize winning muffins, all gone!"
"Now dear, don't get yourself all worked up..." Cooed Ms. Cake.
The very hastily called meeting had produced nothing but bad feelings. Twlight was especially on edge, as Spike had yet to return from the Police Station with Pinkie.
"But where is the evidence they had anything to do with it in the first place? Where was the... oh what is that phrase...." she was searching her throughly bookmarked law tome. "probable cause! What was the probable cause?"
"Yeah!" Said Scootaloo.
"Ssh!" Hissed Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle.
The Mayor turned her head. "Officer Pokey?"
"Sorry, madam mayor, can't comment on an ongoing police investigation."
The mayor arched her eyebrow. "Why not?"
"By order of the Great and Powerful Sheriff Trixie, as the investigation is ongoing."
The Mayor gave the officer a flat stare. "And when does Sheriff Trixie think the investigation might end?"
"I can't answer that because-"
"It's ongoing. Yes, thank you Officer Pokey. Very informative." The Mayor sighed.
"Surely if some pony has done the crime they should pay a fine," said Zecora, "but one should have proof before making accusations with a false hoof."
"Yeah!" Said Scootaloo.
"Three of your friends ate our cake on your train ride to Canterlot!" Said Mr. Cake, "Who's to say they couldn't resist again! This is the second time our prize winning pastries have been pilfered!"
"Past behavior isn't proof!" Retorted Twilight. "And that doesn't explain why Applejack or Derpy were arrested! Why on earth would they steal your muffins??"
Mr. Cake opened his mouth to reply, but stopped in mid outrage. he mouthed the words, trying to process what Twilight was saying.
"Well... Applejack does work on a apple farm?"
"So do Big Mac and Apple bloom! Should officer pokey arrest THEM?"
Mr. Cake wilted under Twilight's stare. "Maybe?"
Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo gasped. "Do you hear what the cakes are saying?!" Sweetie Belle asked Apple Bloom, "they're saying that just because you all work on an apple farm, you should be suspects!"
Apple bloom tilted her head in thought. "Is that a compliment or an insult?"
Scootaloo nodded authoritatively. "An insult."
Apple Bloom stamped her feet, "I've never been so insulted in my life!"
Mrs. Cake put her leg around the now Trembling Mr. Cake, "every pony calm down, my poor Mr. Cake is just upset, he doesn't actually think Applejack is a thief. Do you honey?"
Mr. Cake shook his head. "She always pays for her desserts. And dear Derpy is our best customer other than Pinkie pie. She buys a muffin everyday."
"So that's two ponies accused for no reason..." Reasoned Twilight, "and as for the other three, didn't their past 'crime' help you in the end?, your cake won the prize!"
The cakes looked at each other. "Well... That is true..." Admitted Mr. Cake.
"Who knows if we would have won against donutopia and the moose mouse..." Said Mrs. Cake. "And now we're a twice winning bakery!"
"Right! Those muffins already won the prize BEFORE they were taken!" Said Twilight.
"And did i hear right, is it not true, that this supposed 'thief' left bits for you?" Said Zecora.
Mrs. Cake shuffled her feet, "those muffins weren't for sale, but yes, 10 bits is about what we charge for a dozen..."
The mayor took off her glasses and closed her eyes in frustration. "So what we have here is less a robbery and more an unauthorized purchase? Of Muffins that already won your contest? Really?"
All the ponies (except Officer Pokey, who stared straight ahead) looked at the Cakes.
"Well, "said Mr. Cake, "it sounds sort of silly when you put it that way."
"The Sheriff was just so excited when we called her over to the train station, you see." Added Mrs. Cake, "she said that after a week of getting pets out of trees, she was excited that a 'real crime' was afoot."
Twilight tensed, feeling an opening. "And after she talked to you, did she investigate the crime scene at all? Look for clues? Interview witnesses?"
"Well.. No, actually. She just ran off cackling about rounding up ponies. It was officer Steady who actually showed us the 10 bits and the crumbs."
"Oh, and the medal!" said Mr. Cake. "The medal was in a different box, untouched."
"So they paid for the prize winning muffins but left the prize," Twilight said with deep satisfaction, "based on that, mayor, I demand-"
"Way ahead of you, Ms. Sparkle. This has gone on quite enough. Officer Pokey, where are the suspects and Sheriff Trixie now?"
"Can't answer that Mayor, by order of the great and powerful-"
"Yes THANK YOU we all know what she calls herself." The mayor rose from her chair. "Well, she may have been hired by Celestia, but in Ponyville she answers to ME."
"Yeah!" Said Scootaloo.
Suddenly there was an urgent knock at the door, which Big Mac opened and revealed a very out of breath Spike. "Guys! Two things- first, where are the Cakes?!" The bakers blinked and Mr. Cake hesitated, "here?"
"You two have to get back to Sugarcube Corner! Ponies are lining up around the block to get in!"
"Goodness! Whatever for?" asked Mrs. Cake.
"To try your prize winning muffin recipe, of course! Once everyone heard that not only it won, but it was so good somepony had to steal it, the crowd has been going crazy! Ponies are willing to pay 10 bits a muffin!"
If this were a cartoon world, the Cake's eyes would have become giant bits. But as this was Equestria, they just got really big.
"10 bits a muffin??" muttered Mrs. Cake.
"It's finally happening, honeybun!" whispered Mr. Cake.
"We- we have to- um- excuse us!"
And with that, the cakes were gone, closing the door behind them. Spike leaned against it, still panting.
"Wait, Spike. Weren't you supposed to get Pinkie Pie?"
Spike tried to compose himself, "yeah, that's the second thi-"
And the door slammed open, unfortunately taking Spike into the wall with it. In the doorway stood a figure in Pink, complete with a giant pipe and funny hat.
"Never fear, detective Inspector Pinkie Pie is here!" She bounced in, blowing bubbles as the door behind her slowly creaked back, revealing a dazed and slightly bruise Spike. "I hear you've got a mystery on your hooves, Madame mayor."
The Mayor stared at the Pink 'detective,' and then turned to Twilight with an expression that said, "help me." Twilight nodded in sympathy.
"Actually, Pinkie, the mayor was just about to let our friends go. There isn't any evidence to hold them."
"Of course not, lowly assistant!" Proclaimed Pinkie, putting a silly hat on Twilight's head. "We already learned that in the last episode!"
(The what? asked Sweetie Belle.)
"All we have so far is a Sheriff who didn't learn the friendship lesson of jumping to conclusions!"
(Don't ask, it's just pinkie being pinkie said Apple Bloom)
"So while yes, the suspects should go free-" she paused and glared at the cutie mark crusaders- " for NOW...." She kept the glare going, then turned to the Mayor with a smile, "You've still got a MYSTERY to solve!
She grabbed Twilight and held her close, cheek to cheek, "And we're JUST THE TWO PONIES TO DO IT."
Twilight smiled uneasily. Out of the Trixie frying pan, and into the Pinkie Fire...