Album 1: The Greatest Gala Ever
Chapter 4: Ponyville is for Friendship!
Meds are not fun. So today, we’ll be talking about fun stuff. I realized I haven’t talked about the relationships I made in Ponyville at that first visit that grew much more important later on. So, here we go!
After the fight I and the massive Fluttershy-tank had, it took a full week to get everything set back up. I helped, seeing as I had caused the mess in the first place, at least partially.
Dumb Rainbow Dash being all up in mah grill.
Ponies were all assigned to whatever group they were able to help out most with. I normally got hoofed manual labor, as nopony wanted me to sing again.
Probably the Barney song.
Yeah, pretty much.
While I was helping, Rarity let me stay in a guest room above the boutique. Generosity indeed, though I think the Princess vouching for me had more to do with it.
During my stay, I got to meet some of the more fan-liked background ponies, such as Lyra and Bon Bon, the day after I arrived.
I was actually helping put their house back together when Lyra walked up to me.
“So...you’re a human, right?”
“What!? How can you tell?”
“Why else would Celestia be on the side of a changeling? Also, you’re music was definitely not Equestrian.”
“It could be, uh...Griffinian?”
“Funny you would mention that. The human who got turned into a griffin DOES play that kind of music.”
“Well, damn. So...how’d you know?”
“He’s not exactly secretive about being an alien.”
“Ah. It’s not something I should be hiding then?”
“Depends.”
“Depends on what?”
“If you’re strong enough to fend off the people that DON’T like you being a human.”
“Oh.” I stopped and thought, “How high are the chances of meeting someone who won’t like me being human?”
“Aside from Octavia? Not many. She’s got...issues. Legit ones, but still...”
“...Someone managed to piss off octavia? They’d best not meet me.”
“Fan of hers?”
“Of several, actually, you and BonBon on that list as well.”
“Hah! I’m flattered than a human would know about me.”
“Lots of them do, actually. There’s even a song someone wrote about you. Want to hear it?”
“Mmmm, sure why not?”
I began to sing, using my wings to produce the music.
Human beings fascinate me, being just the way they are!
Tell me, little pony, can you push a cart or drive a car?
Lyre is my instrument, but humans strum their sweet guitar
It's a mystery, anthropology!
I was suddenly at a desk wearing glasses, inside Lyra’s house. What?
Fingers, toes and tiny noses, brownish hair and tannish skin
Would it be too much to ask to see the world they're living in?
Everybody tells me that it's old and fake mythology
It's a mystery, anthropology!
I started pulling charts and building materials out of nowhere, replacing burnt wall parts and holes with new bricks and random, human themed objects.
Aren't you bored of brushing your coat, styling your mane with your hooves?
I don't mean to butt in or gloat, but ancient history proves...
And then, Bon Bon. Art and photographs appeared in my hooves and were hung. The house was being built at a ridiculous rate. Bon Bon was bouncing about helping, though she looked incredibly confused.
Humans don't have wings or magic. They don't need it; they don't care!
All they've got's imagination, new inventions everywhere!
Babies, children, teens and elders, all alike have clothes to wear
It's so real to me, anthropology!
Bookshelves were filled with all kinds of works. Bon Bon and Lyra danced about with me, spinning and jumping, everything being put in place.
Albert Einstein, Cleopatra, William Shakespeare, Elton John,
Michael Phelps, Barack Obama...who's to say that they're all gone?
Maybe humans like us too and dress like us at Comic-Con? ;)
It's so real to me, anthropology!
And now the three of us were out front, singing in the streets. Somehow, there weren’t many ponies out here...
Yeah, they've had a couple of fights,
Nobody's perfect you see,
Still I say I'm born with the rights
to study whatever I please!
Glares passed between us but were shrugged off. We started climbing the house, decorating as we went.
I don't need to horse around now, I can stand on two legs!
I would trade my magic powers for a pair of new legs!
Grab your camera, come on, zoom in!
'Cause your favorite mare's a human,
ME!
That is who I'll be!
Anthropology! shh.
We ended on top of the house, singing as loud as we could.
“Whew! That was great! I need to have you over again some time.” Lyra was grinning from ear to ear.
“Lyra! While I’ll admit that was amazing, he nearly destroyed the town yesterday! I’m not sure having him singing is the best idea. Not that I don’t appreciate what you just did for us, however you did it.” Bon Bon, obviously, was nowhere near as pleased.
“I’d love to hang out more! Even if your marefriend isn’t quite so keen.” I shrugged, opting to not correct her that Barricade had done a fairly extensive bit of damage as well.
“UGH.”
And then I started hearing voices.
Look you. I don’t want any trouble. I do not understand how you become so important, but I hope you shape up your ridiculous behavior before then! Kapeesh?
It sounded like Bon Bon but her mouth wasn’t moving, though her scowl certainly matched the words.
What are you staring at? Git!
Looking back, it seems obvious. Still, considering my past, going insane was a legitimate possibility
You could have handled it better though
I ran away, screaming like a little girl until I got to the other side of town for my next job. My thoughts absorbed me for the rest of the day, as I tried to figure out why the voices were only just starting NOW. I assumed it was because I was out of the dream world finally.
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Three days after my “accident”, I encountered a terrible force, a terrible, terrifying force. A terrible terrifying force of TERROR!
I met the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
*shudder*
Pray I survive....
Knightmare...
Myeeeessss?
Shut up.
It’s dramatic tension!
..............
...okay.
I had moved on to helping reassemble the town hall, when a dust cloud came tearing down the street towards me.
I should have known better than to stand there.
Before I could question the possibility of such physics, I was picked up, gagged, roped into a ball, gagged, blindfolded and carried off down the street. A good ten minutes later, the blindfold was removed and three faces stared down at me. Then the faces turned backwards.
“Awww, so much for changeling catching cutie marks!” Is that....?
“Ah was shore we had it right...” Yes, yes it is.
“What now?” I’m so boned.
“What about interrogation cutie marks!?” Nononononononononono
“OH! And then the princesses’ll give us recom- reco- awards for getting super important information about spies in Canterlot!” Wait for it...
“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS CHANGELING INTERROGATORS YEAH!” Oh no....
From wherever they hid such things, a spotlight appeared, blinding me.
“So! Mr...uh...What’s it’s name again?”
“I think Rarity said it was Night Fare.”
“Night Fare? What kinda name is that?”
“A dumb one, that’s what! Whatever. So! Mr Night Fare, what are your secrets!? Tell us or we’ll...uh....dunk your head in jelly!”
“Yeah!”
“Uh, girls, we probably need to un-gag it so it can talk...”
“Oh.” Sweetie Belle removed the gagged and I cleared my throat.
“I’m not an IT! I’m a guy! And my name isn’t ‘Night Fare’ it’s Knightmare! Knight with a K as in ‘Knight in Shining Armor’? I WORK for Celestia, you three!”
“Oh I’m sure, Mr. ‘Night Fare’. That’s just what you want us to believe isn’t it!?”
“No, I really work for Celestia. You’ve seen me at the boutique Sweetie!”
“Oh yeah...”
“Wait, Seriously!? Aw man, there goes that idea....” Too bad for you Scootaloo. I don’t planning on getting interrogated by the three craziest fillies in Ponyville anytime soon.
“Yes. Also, it’s Knightmare. Now would you please untie me? This is really uncomfortable....”
“Shore thing Mr. Night Fare!”
“Thank you Apple Bloom. Also, my name is KNIGHT MARE. Like, A ‘knight’ in shining armor and mare, as in...mare.” Wait, knight in shin-I’m going to pretend I didn’t say that.
“Now, don’t you three have some other adventures to be up to?”
“Yeah! If we didn’t get anything from you, we were going to try being scientists! I’ve got chocolate milk and lightning in a jar! Let’s see if the milk is flammable!”
“CUTIE MARK CRUSADER SCIENTISTS YEAH!”
“Wait wha-”
Before I could do anything, Scootaloo had opened the jar on the milk. Somehow, this caused an explosion which managed to fly me all the way to the outer edge of the Apple family orchard.
“Ow, ow, ow...How does that even work!? At least the walk back won’t be long.....”
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The last big event that happened while I was in Ponyville that first time was at the end of the week. The work was all done and there was a party being held in the town hall. When I got there, the party was in full swing. It was one of those raves, with the dubstep and everything. A song was just ending as I walked in and somehow the familiar, magenta-shaded DJ noticed me.
“Hey mister! Your song rocked! Wanna sing again?”
A resounding “NO!” went up from the gathered ponies. You’d think they would have gotten over it in a week.
“Alright, relax, geez. Have another one then!”
The white unicorn mare with the electric blue mane made her way over to me as she left her...magic turntables? on automatic...or whatever. Magic doesn’t have to explain shit.
“Hey, whazzup? Dude, you gotta teach me some of your songs. I’ve heard some of the stuff the Griffin Pirates put on and if anything you’ve got is like that, it’ll ROCK. I gotta get in on this shit.”
“I suppose I could... What are you looking for?”
“Dude, I don’t even KNOW. You humans have some wack music. It probably doesn’t even matter! Just gimme something!”
“Um... I think I have a few in mind but you’ll have to wait til later. I don’t think these ponies want me singing soon.”
“Private concert!? Dude, I can totally dig that. Just give me a time and I’ll be there!”
“I’m leaving tomorrow, so...Maybe later tonight? When’s this party set to end?”
“End? When the last pony falls motherbucker! But you could probably just wait til they’re drunk enough. Sound good?”
“Yeah, I guess. I can wait.”
“Awesome! Lookin’ forward to it.” She waved and went back to her post.
Sure enough, as the party approached 1 AM, the ponies were incredibly drunk. Vinyl waved me over to the stage, and on the stage I went, carrying my guitar and hoping this didn’t come bite me in the ass.
“No offense, Vinyl, but I’ll likely use something a bit softer than earlier, if only to avoid migraines.”
“Dude, whatever. Your human music is the SHEEEET!”
I braced myself and began playing an old classic of the metal genre. An old favorite of mine.
"I'm a wheel, I'm a wheel, I can roll, I can feel! And you can't stop me turning!"
I didn’t make any fancy movements for the song. Mostly, I moved about the stage, headbanging occasionally. I did rock out a bit on the solo, as any good rock god in training should. The ponies certainly enjoyed it. They didn’t even mind who was playing, though that was still probably the booze. Still, when the song came to an end, they cheered as they had for Vinyl and there were even a couple of shouts for an encore.
After a gesture from the DJ behind me, I obliged.
“Love is like a bomb, baby, c'mon get it on!”
This song required a few more dances moves. I also found myself unable to tear my eyes away from females in the audience. They just looked so...sexy all of a sudden. I stepped up my dance moves, showing off a little. Apparently, at least for a few, it worked like a charm. This was really weird, but I went with it. As the song came to an end, there were a lot more positive faces and maybe even some lusty ones... Sadly, for them or me I never really figured out, I had places I needed to be, and I was on the verge of passing out as it was. Nonetheless, tomorrow I’d be in Canterlot...and hoping nothing blew up, fell apart, or tried to kill me.
Oh, how pointlessly high my hopes were.....