As I pulled the curtains back slowly, I noticed the huge crowd of ponies waiting for the special guest to arrive. Granted, it wasn't that many, and some of the other ponies already know who it is. I didn't see any guests of honor around, so I calmed down a little.
"Hey Tal,"
I screamed so hard the crowd went silent for a second. When I opened my eyes, I was hanging off one of the ballasts used to keep the curtains down.
"Yeeeeaaaahhhh, mmkay. Man up a bit, get some hair on your balls, and get ready to go out. Dust off your Polo shirt and jeans, and don't forget to--" Taylor said.
At this point, I was using my hand to mimic his mouth, at which point he just up and left on me. He brought back my laptop and placed it down on the crate.
"If you're so smart, how come you didn't wire it up yet?"
"Twilight used some kind of voice throw magic to broadcast it all over the stage. Neat, huh?"
"What song was it again?" asked Twilight, as she stepped in. "Thanks for the compliment, by the way."
"No problem. The song was 'The Final Countdown', by the way. What's up?"
"Do you really think this is going to work? I'm the one who has met you for the longest--well, second longest--and I still don't know much about you."
I then bent down and got on one knee. "Twilight, I'm a man of psychology, and I know what makes people tick. From what I have seen lately, ponies are very much like humans in terms of intelligence. It'll be alright."
"The fact that's coming from an interdimensional kid who made this portal up out of boredom does give me a bit of comfort." She then looked up and smiled. I stood up and then realized how close she was to my face. No longer was the foot taller me, now is the half-foot taller me. I looked at my hands and realized with shock, as they were now drawn out in the art style of My Little Pony.
"Ridd Sorenson," I muttered to myself. "please do a good job on my artwork."
I took the microphone next to me and flicked the switches for the lights and fog machines. The building went dark, the fog started to spew, and Pinkie Pie was busy directing the spotlight at the curtains. I took a big breath and quickly looked outside again. A couple more ponies walked in and started chattering. It started to die down as I spoke with an announcer's voice into the microphone.
"Goooooood evening fillies and gentlecolts, today you're about to experience something new for the first time, a one of a kind chance to see,"
I quickly clicked on play for my song, and closed the lid, as to not distract the ponies from the main attraction. Thinking of which, I may have been a bit too proud in this, but what the hell could go wrong?
I waited for the song to catch up as Pinkie threw the lights in all directions across the curtains, as planned.
The trumpets blew. The volume was perfect. Only now, what the fuck am I supposed to do on stage? This is a Q&A, not some sort of dance contest. I guess I'll pump my fists a bit and dance a bit. I looked at Elizabeth. Surprisingly, she's been silent for this entire time, but when I looked at her, she gave the biggest dumb smile and waved. She was content with sitting with Twilight for a bit, and Twilight was more than happy to get the Q&A from an equal gender standpoint. When we met at the diner, she gave the biggest hug that was only rivaled by the one I got from Pinkie during planning. We didn't have time to talk much, as I rushed her onto stage to watch. Only then, during the Q&A, would we get a chance to talk more about what's going on.
"Ten, Nine, Eight,"
I said they were intelligent, but then again, they need to make a freaking friendship report on things like, 'Accept your friends for who they are' and other stupid stuff like that.
"Six, Five,"
Oh well, time to make my first impression.
"A real live...huuummmmaaaaannnnn!"
"Three, Two, One."
The curtains were high enough for me to walk through. Pumping my fists and swinging them like crazy I started to lunge jump towards certain ponies in the front row. They were dumbfounded at first, but as the song said the countdown, they started to cheer. When I lunged like crazy, they cheered a little more. My dancing was a bit weird, but seeing a bipedal alien doing pelvic thrusts on stage is crazy enough to make you cheer.
This is it. My chance at making them know me is coming together in an epic puzzle. Say, Tal, why are you doing this? Aren't you just going to be famous for being one of the two people in the newest species? First question, no fucking clue. Second question, may as well be dancing to it.
Hey, where's Taylor?
~~~
Of all the lousy people that had to go on stage but me, it had to be Tal. Tal, Tal, Tal. All about him. I'm behind stage flicking switches, while this 'superstar' goes berserk in front of my dream to be. The only credit he deserves is building that portal thing, which in hindsight, is just enough credit to throw him on stage, but still? Why him?
What makes him so special? I'm better than him in every way but book smarts, and book smarts don't get you anywhere. Besides, I have eighth grade to deal with, and I'm on par with all the other people except him.
One thing could save the night though, as I saw the doors in the back fling open to reveal someone else.
~~~
Of all the lousy people that had to build a portal, it had to be Tal. Granted, he's pretty neat, saving me from feeling like a total social outcast, but falling a hundred feet through tree branches isn't fun. I checked my watch. 10:32. I looked at Tal, and gave a big fake smile. He looked really 'down to Earth' right now, which wasn't really like him. Poor guy.
Just then, a sudden but random realization came to me. Tal and Taylor are the only two human males I can hope to date.
I waited for Tal to go through the curtains, and then I kicked a crate across backstage.
"Do all humans do that?"
I sighed, then said, "No, Twilight. I guess I'm just mad at Tal for being the only possible boyfriend right now. Not that I have anything against interspecies stuff, but, y'know."
"...my assistant, Spike, has a crush on Rarity. Problem is, poor guy is a dragon, and Rarity is a high-class pony. I don't think there's really a chance for Spike to get Rarity.
Just then, Pinkie Pie twitched, then whispered, "Forrrreevvvverrrr." She had a job to do, but she'll put up with Twilight later. She can't mess with Twilight from the catwalks.
"Heh. Poor guy. Hope he finds someone else."
"Hey, what about Taylor? Isn't he a candidate for mating?"
"Wait what? No! Noooooo, noooo, nooooo! No! No mating! I'm not old enough for sex!"
Twilight cocked her head in a, 'What?' kind of way. "But I thought Tal said he was old enough for that kind of stuff."
"You should have learned by now that Tal is a bit of a...an...uhm,"
"Aloof overhyped kind of guy?"
"Exactly. Y'know what? I think I'll like my time here."
~~~
I was dancing my heart out, but for some reason the ponies weren't cheering anymore.
"Uh, hooman? The song, is, um, over."
"Oh, sorry, right. Lights!" Lights turned on. I heard Pinkie Pie grumbling something about promises on the catwalk, but that's for another time I guess.
I sat down on the edge of the stage with my microphone. I looked at it. It spoke to me in the sense that we were going to be great friends. I eyed it with delight and then looked at the crowd.
"So, do I say everypony or everyone? It's just ponies here, right?"
"A dragon too!" I heard from the back of the room. I ignored it.
"Oh well. This is Q&A I hyped up about. Any questions?
Everyone raised a hoof.
"Oh wow. I'm looking at my watch here and it says that I can't answer all of them in this timeframe. Lift them up a little higher."
I saw the veins on their hooves come into view as they bulged against the flesh.
"I can see somepony is trying to hurt themselves here. How about you? Yes you, the one with the fur."
Giggles were heard in the room.
"How about this lady in the third row? The one with the horn and the purple wavy mane. Tell me your name sweet cheeks, and I'll buy you a drink."
A little laughter was in the room. Any fear of this bipedal monster was quickly removed, although I don't think any lasted.
"It's Rarity, sweetie, and I don't stoop down to that level."
"It's rather more of a step up for me, if you haven't seen me outside of this room. Which I'm sure I scared some poor waiter back there. Alright, shoot your question."
"What's with that horrendous attire choice of yours?"
Everyone in the room laughed up a storm.
"Okay, Rarity right? Lemme tell you something. When you build a portal to other lands, fall a hundred feet through tree branches, and get eaten by squirrels, tell me when you ever gave two shits about clothing."
Most of the looser ponies were howling with laughter now, while Rarity blushed a bit.
"I, um, s-sorry, how rude of me." she quickly mumbled.
"No worries. I look kind of dumpy right now anyways. Know anyone that can make clothing?"
"That would be me, darling."
"Look at that! Upgraded to the status of 'darling!' Do I get a prize?"
"No, you don't, but while you're trying my patience you can get sized up for clothing. Is that a hundred inch waistline I see?"
She pretty much turned the tables on me, then flipped it. The other ponies seemed to enjoy this, and laugh a bit too. I ain't no comedy club. I quickly removed my blush and then continued.
"Sweetie, that's a mirror. You see yourself in the mirror, not me."
"Ahem! Please excuse him for his, behavior, I'll answer some too." Taylor came to the rescue. "What the fuck was that?" he whispered.
"Lemme answer a question for all of you," I said. "This dude is Taylor, and I'm Tal. That should shoot down a couple questions. Also, Rarity, I'll be more than happy to get some clothing at your place tomorrow. No harm done, eh?" I threw my hand out towards her. She shook it, taking into consideration my five digits on my hand.
"No bad blood."
"Alright! Good! Next question! The one with the nice Stetson hat! I like Stetsons. Reminds me of the time my buddy Keith and I--"
"I'll answer this one, thank you Tal. What's your name?"
"Applejack. Here's mah question fer you. How'd ya play that music without a band or anything?"
"Simple. Also, for asking an intelligent question, ya get another human. Elizabeth? Can you get the laptop?" I said.
She came around with my laptop. I actually built this one, God knows how long it took to find a case.
"Taylor, I'll take this one from here. See this box? It does a bunch of things, like playing video games, going on the Internet, listening to music, and getting work stuff done. The Internet is something we have back home, where we can find any piece of information we want, and at the same time, interact with one another. Now I don't think I can show you anything from the Internet, because I need to be back ho--What? Well, I guess my portal still has an open rift or something, because I have a strong signal! Applejack, here's your question. What would you like to see, if you could have any piece of information?" Upon that lengthy talk, Elizabeth sat down next to me.
She thought for a bit, and then replied, "Do you have apples?"
"Of course! Lemme pull up a picture or two of them." I quickly Googled 'apple' and brought up a huge list of pictures to show.
"Twilight? Have any spell that could show whatever is on this screen goes up there?"
"On it!" A burst of magic came from backstage towards the laptop, and a huge floating projector screen came up in midair with my laptop screen on it.
Upon the magic deal, Applejack could easily see a local technology company and their logo. Everyone oohed and ahhed, albeit in a confused tone.
"Whoops, that's a company. Let me do 'apple orchard' instead."
On cue, she was flooded with thousands of pictures of apple trees.
"Why ain't they buckin' the trees?"
"We aren't as strong as you ponies, so we do manual picking. Nowadays, we have machines do it for us."
"Do you have one to show us?" yelled someone in the back.
"Yes, actually. Robot dog. He's in standby mode at Fluttershy's cottage, so hold on a second." I pulled out a remote control and pushed a button. "Wait a bit, and he'll come by. One more question before I show the dog?"
"Yeah, I have a question," chimed in a voice to the left of me. "Why did you send me out with the important job of getting you a soda?"
"That's a question for another day."
"What's a soda?" chimed in another voice, to the left of the crowd.
"We aren't doing the 'raise-your-hand' things anymore, are we? No, guessed not. Alright, so we have this stuff back home where we can make the water all fizzy and different, and then we add special syrup to make it taste really good. Not really good for you or your teeth, but still yummy. Also, for some weird reason, I literally can't survive without it."
The dog rolled in right after I said 'literally,' and then jumped up on my lap. Having plowed through the entire crowd was enough to make everypony jumpy for a while.
"This, is K-9, or TalOS. Neat dog. He can do stuff like play fetch and roll over and all that stuff like normal dogs, but he's pretty smart too. I built him," saying with pride in the voice. "so I would have a companion."
"How old are you?"
Taylor answered this question. "I'm thirteen and a half, Tal's fourteen, and Elizabeth is thirteen and a half as well. Now, we're not 'old', rather, we're teenagers. We actually become adults at eighteen-ish or so. So our life expectancy is around seventy years or so. We're older, yeah, but same level as a pony teenager."
"Let Elizabeth answer the next one, Taylor." said I. Elizabeth seemed overjoyed to get a microphone into her hands.
"Ooooookay! Fire away!" said she. Her pluck quickly came back in the form of words; nice to see her like this.
"How do you mate?"
"...I don't like this question."
I leaned into the microphone and then said, "Just the same way ponies do." I made the finger through the hole sign with my hands and raised my eyebrows up and down.
"Why art thou in this country?"
"Well, that's a weird question, see--"
Suddenly, a dark blue aura surrounded us. Or maybe dark purple. I don't know. I was freaking out too much to really focus on it.
"Ah, shite." I said.
"You never say shite. You're more of a 'shit' person to me." Taylor said.
"You never know." Elizabeth said. "He is pretty random. You know that for a fact."
"SILENCE!" boomed the Royal voice of Luna.
"..."
"Thank you, sister. I'll take it from here."
"Shite." said all three of us.