"Okay, then…how about…" Pinwheel frowned, rubbing her chin with her hoof. She gazed critically at the ponies trotting down the street. She pointed toward a blue mare with a pink horseshoe cutie mark, "What about her?"
Pale Hoof looked up from his chocolate pudding. The two of them rested on a bench outside Sugarcube Corner. A glob of chocolate dripped from his chin. He watched the blue mare for a few moments. "OLD AGE." He concluded, returning to his pudding. His yellow teeth were stained with chocolate. Pinwheel nodded slowly, ruminating on her fudge. A pile of goodies sat between them. Although Mrs. Cake still froze in terror whenever Pale Hoof entered her shop, no one could doubt that he was one of the best customers. Pinwheel's cupboards were stocked with all kinds of chocolate goodies – chips, cookies, cereals. Pale Hoof barely ate anything else.
Pinwheel inspected the passersby. "Hmmm…what about him?" Pinwheel gestured to a caramel colored stallion across the street. Pale Hoof swallowed the rest of his pudding and peered at the stallion.
"PLOWING ACCIDENT." He decided. Levitating a handful of malted milk balls, Pale Hoof popped them in his mouth one by one. They rolled down his lengthy black tongue and vanished into the dark void of his throat. Ethereal dark mist spilled from the corners of his mouth.
"Gruesome." Pinwheel grimaced at the stallion. She glanced sidelong at Pale Hoof, squinting at him through her glasses, "Okay…so…what about me? Tell me about my death."
Pale Hoof paused for a moment, tilting his head back in thought. "WHICH ONE?"
"Don't get cute." Pinwheel huffed, "C'mon, tell me."
"I DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOUR DEATH WILL BE LIKE."
Pinwheel narrowed her eyes at him. "How could you not know? You're the Grim Reaper!" She complained, swallowing her fudge, "I thought you said you could see everypony's death."
"I CAN ONLY SEE YOUR NEXT DEATH CHRONOLOGICALLY. AND I WILL TELL YOU, THAT WILL NOT BE YOUR FINAL DEATH." Pale Hoof responded, extending his long tongue and lapping up the rest of the fudge, "I WOULD NOT ALLOW IT."
"Not allow it?"
Before Pale Hoof could respond, a voice called to them from across the street. "Pinwheel! There you are!" Pinwheel looked up. There, sauntering across the road with full saddlebags hanging from her sides, was Rarity. The white unicorn strolled up to the bench, a small crease wrinkling her smooth forehead. Pinwheel's smile dropped off her face. "Oh, dear, I'm sorry for bothering you on your date, but I have a small favor to ask. I fear you're the only person I can turn to!" Rarity peered down at the chocolate candies laid out on the bench – milk balls, fudge, slices of torte. Their cake and fudge sat on lacy pink doilies. Clusters of chocolate candies bulged in colored cellophane bags, tied with bright ribbons. "…Oh my, that's quite a lot of chocolate you have. I hope you two aren't filling up on junk food." Pale Hoof peered down at his feast.
"I ENJOY CHOCOLATE." Pale Hoof answered, unwrapping a slice of fudge and dropping it down his gullet, "IT REMINDS ME OF FRESHLY TURNED GRAVE DIRT. SUBLIME."
Rarity turned faintly green. "Yes…well…I suppose an immortal pony god does not need to worry about his figure." She sighed deeply, "Anyway, Pinwheel…"
Pinwheel climbed off of the bench, frowning deeply at Rarity. A few bags of chocolate tumbled to the sidewalk. Ponyville's premiere fashion designer carried herself with the same poise as usual, but the bottoms of her saddlebags sagged with weight. The skin under her eyelids puffed noticeably. "What's wrong, Rarity?" Pinwheel asked, tilting her head.
"Oh, dear…It's completely unprofessional of me to ask this of a client, but…well, we ARE friends, aren't we?" Rarity smiled entreatingly, helping pick up the chocolate. She set the bright cellophane bags back safely on the bench, "You see…I just finished an order for a very influential customer and I'd like to go to Canterlot to deliver it personally."
"Well, that's a good thing, isn't it?" Pinwheel asked, "It means you're getting popular, right? Who's your big customer?"
Rarity let out an excited squeal, a big grin spreading across her face. Her eyes sparkled with delight. "Sapphire Shores! The pony of pop herself! Can you believe it, Pinwheel? That review from Hoity Toity really propelled me to stardom!" Rarity giggled. One second later, though, her ears were back and her head was down, "But it's such a lot of work for just one unicorn. All the new orders make it impossible to find time for anything else! But I won't bore you with the details. The point is, I'll be going to Canterlot to deliver Miss Shores' orders. I just need someone to watch Sweetie Belle. I wish I could take her with me, but I must retain an air of professionalism and—"
Pinwheel held a hoof to stop her. Rarity paused mid sentence, staring at Pinwheel. "…You're saying you want us to take care of Sweetie Belle? Us?" Pinwheel asked, eyes wide, "Didn't you hear what happened at the school the other day?"
Rarity blinked. "Oh! Oh, yes. I did. Miss Cheerilee called all the families to apologize for Pale Hoof, but…" Rarity paused, "When Sweetie Belle came home, she was just raving about him! Talking about how he stood up to bullies for her and such."
Pinwheel glanced over her shoulder at Pale Hoof, "He's not so good around children. You should really try to find another fillysitter."
Rarity pouted, eyes quivering. She leaned in close to Pinwheel. "Please, I have no one else to rely on! Fluttershy, my usual fillysitter, is busy this weekend. And I dare not bother Twilight or Applejack!" She pleaded, clamping Pinwheel's face between her hooves, "Besides…you'll be there! Everyone knows Pale Hoof listens to you. You'll keep him under control, I know!" Rarity smiled sweetly at Pale Hoof, who watched her silently from the bench. Chocolate oozed between his teeth.
Pinwheel shook herself free of Rarity's grip. "Well…I guess…if you have no one else." She sighed, scraping her hoof uncertainly against the sidewalk. "Are you sure Sweetie Belle won't be scared?"
"On the contrary, she seemed excited." Rarity replied.
"Well, all right then." Pinwheel smiled back at Pale Hoof, "We don't really have anything else to do this evening."
Rarity beamed, letting out a little squeal of delight. "Wonderful! I'll be by to drop her off this evening. I'll be sure to get Sapphire's autograph for you, Pinwheel!"
The doorbell trilled through the front hallway. Ding dong! Pinwheel's spaghetti noodles softened in the boiling pot. Puffs of steam rose from the top, misting the small kitchen windows. Pale Hoof rose from his spot at the table and peeked out into the hall. "PINWHEEL. THEY HAVE ARRIVED." Pinwheel gripped the lid handle in her teeth and covered the pot. Unopened jars of spaghetti sauce sat on the kitchen countertop. Setting her spoon aside, Pinwheel ducked out into the hallway. Pale Hoof trailed after her.
They made their way down the hall to the front door. Grinning nervously at Pale Hoof, Pinwheel gripped the door handle in her teeth and pulled it open. A chorus of high pitched voices greeted them. "Hi, Mister Pale Hoof!" There, standing on the porch with purple, orange, and green sleeping bags tied to their backs, were three little fillies. Scootaloo stood in the center, flanked by Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom. Rarity stood behind the trio, smiling sheepishly. Before Pinwheel even had time to blink, the three fillies swarmed inside, nearly knocking her flat. They clustered excitedly around Pale Hoof, jostling each other for position. Pale Hoof stared blankly at the children.
"Hey there, Mistah Pale Hoof!" Apple Bloom grinned, the bow on her head bouncing as she shoved past her friends, "We missed ya at school!"
Scootaloo bumped Apple Bloom out of the way. "Yeah! You never showed us how you did that cool trick!"
"Quit shoving, you hogs!" Sweetie Belle squealed, trying to push between Scootaloo and Apple Bloom. She clambered up over their backs, "Yeah! I wanna know how to raise the dead too!"
"Sweetie Belle!" Rarity scolded, stepping into the house, "Mind your manners. You are a guest."
Apple Bloom and Scootaloo sidestepped, letting Sweetie Belle fall to the floor. Sweetie rubbed her head, frowning, "Sorry, sis." Scrambling to her feet, she whipped around, grinning up at Pale Hoof with big, eager eyes. Rarity stepped around the fillies, frowning guiltily at Pinwheel.
"I'm so sorry about her friends." Rarity sighed, ears folded back against her head, "It's…a bit hard to separate them."
Pinwheel rubbed the back of her neck. "Well…I'm…not really sure about this. I was only expecting one filly."
"Oh, I know! My sincerest apologies. But…It won't be too much of a problem, will it?" Rarity asked, "Fluttershy can handle them. They're well behaved girls."
Pinwheel glanced uncertainly at the three fillies. They stood just inches away from Pale Hoof, grinning up at him with huge, manic smiles. Visions of dead fillies flashed in Pinwheel's mind. She suppressed a shudder. "Well…uh…the thing is, Fluttershy doesn't kill everything she touches." At the mention of Fluttershy, Pinwheel couldn't help but think of the incident with her turtle back on their first date. The turtle hadn't even really touched Pale Hoof, just brushed his fetlock. That alone was enough to kill it.
Rarity turned toward the trio. "Girls, you are standing much too close to Mister Pale Hoof. Give him some space." Rarity ordered. The fillies all turned to look at her simultaneously
"Do we HAVE to?" Sweetie Belle asked, pouting at her sister.
"Of course you do! It's rude to invade somepony's personal space! You must be polite when visiting somepony else's house."
Sweetie Belle sighed deeply. "Okay…" Pouting, she and her friends took a few steps back. Rarity beamed at Pinwheel.
"See? Very well behaved little fillies." Rarity glanced at the clock on the wall, "Now…if you'll excuse me, I must be off. Trains to catch and such."
"Uh, sure…" Before Pinwheel could even get the words out, Rarity had vanished. As soon as she was gone, the three fillies resumed their jostling, all jockeying to get closer to Pale Hoof. Pale Hoof skittered out of the way, struggling not to step on any of the girls. Pinwheel stared hopelessly down at the three, "Um…uh…Girls…" The fillies paid Pinwheel no mind, dodging between Pale Hoof's legs and shouting questions.
"What was that weird black place you sent me to?"
"How do WE earn a reaping cutie mark?"
"Cutie Mark Crusaders Grim Reapers!"
"Girls!" Pinwheel shouted, "Really, don't get so close to him!" Finally, Pale Hoof opened his mouth. Three black tentacles leaped from his throat. Latching around the Crusaders' sleeping bags, the tentacles lifted them bodily into the air. The three fillies struggled in mid air, dangling from the straps of their sleeping bags. Pale Hoof held them at a safe distance. Slowly, he turned toward the living room. Carrying the three fillies to the couch, he set them down one by one. Pinwheel trailed after him, mouth agape. The crusaders sat indignantly on the sofa, hooves folded.
"CHILDREN, I WELCOME YOU TO PINWHEEL'S HUMBLE ABODE." Pale Hoof announced, closing his mouth. The dark tentacles vanished, "THERE ARE TWO RULES. ONE, DO NOT TOUCH ME. TWO, YOU SHALL HEED PINWHEEL'S WORD. ANY QUESTIONS?" Sweetie Belle started to raise her hoof, but Apple Bloom quickly pulled her hoof down. Pale Hoof nodded. "EXCELLENT. I EXPECT THIS TO BE A PEACEFUL NIGHT, THEN."
"Pale Hoof…" Pinwheel hovered in the doorway, staring. Pale Hoof stared toward her.
"RETURN TO YOUR COOKING, PINWHEEL. I WILL MIND THE LITTLE ONES."
Pinwheel frowned. "Uh…I'm not sure that's such a good idea. Considering last time…" Pinwheel tried not to shiver. The image of a dead Scootaloo, face smeared with mustard, haunted her mind.
"DO NOT FEAR. THEY ARE UNDER MY PROTECTION. NO HARM SHALL COME TO THEM."
Pinwheel shifted awkwardly from hoof to hoof. "All right…Just shout if something happens, then."
Pale Hoof regarded the three fillies on the couch. They gazed back at him, three different expressions in their grapefruit sized eyes. Sweetie Belle smiled eagerly, bouncing on the sofa cushion. Scootaloo crossed her forelegs, squinting critically at Pale Hoof. Apple Bloom stared up at him attentively, like a pupil watching a teacher. The living room light creaked ominously behind Pale Hoof's head, swinging back and forth on its chain. Shadows flickered across the fillies' faces, throwing their expressions into relief. For several seconds, the four ponies regarded each other in silence.
Finally, Scootaloo jerked to her feet. "All right, Crusaders! Let's cut to the chase!" She announced, looking back at her friends. Boldly, she turned, pointing toward Pale Hoof, "Tell us how to get a reaping cutie mark!"
Pale Hoof stared down at the trio. "THERE IS BUT ONE REAPER." He boomed. The furniture shook with every word. Dust rained down from the ceiling. Outside, an owl screeched, "AND THAT IS ME."
Sweetie Belle's ears drooped. "Come on, that's not fair! We've tried everything!"
"Singing, song writing, sewing…" Scootaloo listed.
"Cookin', carpentry, comedy…" Apple Bloom continued.
"Acting, art…" Sweetie Belle finished, "Animal husbandry…"
"We've seriously tried everything!" Scootaloo insisted, "Reaping is the only thing left! Come on! We're the only ones in our class without cutie marks!"
"I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT REAPING IS NOT YOUR SPECIAL TALENT."
"Can ya at least give us a demonstration?" Apple Bloom pleaded, "We jus' wanna make sure."
"I SWORE UPON MY HONOR AS A REAPER THAT NO HARM WOULD COME TO YOU." Pale Hoof answered, placing a hoof solemnly over his heart, "ONCE A SOUL IS REAPED, IT IS NOT EASILY UNDONE. WOULD YOU TRULY HAVE ME PLACE YOUR SOULS IN SUCH DANGER?"
"We'll be fine! Please?"
Their combined puppy stares were too much for Pale Hoof. Sighing, he lowered his head. His scythe, gnarled, black, and spiny, materialized on the living room floor. The blade gave off its familiar ambient glow, filling the dim living room with icy light. The three fillies squinted, shading their eyes with their hooves. Gripping the scythe in his teeth, Pale Hoof reared back, preparing to swing.
A flurry of hoof beats echoed in the hall. Pinwheel burst through the door, sauce spoon still held in her teeth. Flinging the spoon aside, she threw herself at Pale Hoof. Pale Hoof stumbled back, bumping hard into the coffee table and dropping his scythe. The scythe vanished as soon as it hit the ground. When the cold, bright light faded, Pinwheel slumped on the floor, stone dead. The three fillies gaped, their pupils shrunk to pinpricks. "PARDON ME, GIRLS." Pale Hoof nodded to girls on the sofa, then lowered his head and breathed into Pinwheel's mouth. She sprang back to life.
"No using the scythe around the fillies!" Pinwheel barked.
"THEY WISHED FOR A DEMONSTRATION." Pale Hoof answered coolly.
"I don't care! No reaping the fillies." Pinwheel insisted, glaring at Pale Hoof over the tops of her glasses, "Rarity will have our heads if you hurt them."
"AS YOU WISH, PINWHEEL."
"Good." Pinwheel stooped to pick up her spoon and, giving Pale Hoof a last suspicious look, she headed back toward the kitchen, "Dinner in five, you all."
Watching Pinwheel over the back of the sofa, the Cutie Mark Crusaders each let out a sigh. Slowly, they shifted around, their heads drooping. "I thought fer sure that we'd made good Grim Reapers." Apple Bloom whimpered, her bow drooping.
"IT TAKES TIME."
"I'm tired of everyone telling us that!" Scootaloo growled, "That's all anyone ever says!"
Pale Hoof breathed out. Cold air filled the room. "FILLIES, LET ME EXPLAIN SOMETHING TO YOU. YOUR LIVES ARE BUT SMALL FLICKERS OF ENERGY IN A VAST, UNFEELING VOID OF CHAOS. YOU FLASH BRIGHTLY AND THEN YOU ARE GONE, LEAVING NO MARK ON THIS INFINITE, TIMELESS ABYSS WE FIND OURSELVES IN. WHATEVER YOU DO IN THIS LIFE WILL NOT MATTER. WHY, THEN, DO YOU WORRY SO OVER YOUR ARSE SYMBOLS? THEY WILL CHANGE NOTHING. YOUR LIVES WILL BE BRIEF AND MEANINGLESS WITH OR WITHOUT CUTIE MARKS."
The three fillies stared at him.
Pinwheel poked her head into the living room. "Dinner, everypony!"
The Cutie Mark Crusaders unrolled their sleeping bags on the living room floor. Clutching their pillows, they curled up inside their bedrolls. Pale Hoof loomed over them, watching as the three got ready for bed. "DID YOU BRUSH YOUR TEETH?" He hissed, black fog drifting from between his teeth. Pinwheel frowned at him.
"Yeah, yeah, we brushed." Scootaloo answered, peering at Pale Hoof from beneath her bright purple sleeping bag. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom grinned, showing off clean smiles. Pale Hoof stared back at them, skull expressionless as always.
"EXCELLENT. THEN, ACCORDING TO MY KNOWLEDGE OF FILLIES, NOW IS THE TIME FOR A BEDTIME STORY."
"Pale Hoof, I'll take care of it from here. Why don't you head back to your realm for the night?" Pinwheel suggested, smiling nervously at Pale Hoof, "We don't want to give the little fillies nightmares now…"
"THEN PERHAPS A LULLABY?"
Pinwheel blinked, her frown deepening. "I'm…uh…not so sure about that one either."
"NONSENSE. I KNOW MANY ANCIENT BALLADS AND REQUIEMS FOR THE CHILDREN. I SHALL RECITE ONE OF THE MOST ANCIENT OF THEM FOR YOU." Pale Hoof boomed, causing the floorboards to shake, "LISTEN TO ME, CHILDREN! I SHALL SOOTHE YOU INTO THE SLEEP WHICH KNOWS NO DREAMS!"
"Wait, does that mean you're going to kill—"
Pale Hoof didn't give Pinwheel a chance to finish. He cleared his throat, a terrible hacking sound that reminded Pinwheel of a cat being shoved through a meat grinder, then began. His singing voice was no different than his speaking voice – cold, filled with uncanny reverberations, and tinged with that odd Manehattan accent. "HUSH NOW, QUIET NOW, IT'S TIME TO REST YOUR SLEEPY HEADS. HUSH NOW, QUIET NOW, IT'S TIME TO GO TO—"
He hadn't even finished the first verse when Scootaloo interrupted him. "Hey! Fluttershy already sang that one for us!"
Pale Hoof stared down at her, jaw hanging open. He regarded Scootaloo for several seconds, silent and unmoving. Then, out of nowhere, Pale Hoof let out an unholy scream. Every light bulb in the room shattered simultaneously, plunging the room into a deep, blue darkness. Pale Hoof's scream sent the shadows into spasms, making them convulse like living things. Even long after Pale Hoof stopped screaming, the screeching echoes of his noise reverberated in the air. Outside, an owl fell dead on the porch.
Everypony stared at Pale Hoof. The Crusaders gaped, their pupils shrunk, each one clutching her pillow. A hairline crack split across Pinwheel's glasses. The lenses shattered, falling to the floor in pieces. Pinwheel stared down at the shards.
"GOOD NIGHT." Pale Hoof whispered, vanishing into smoke. Pinwheel and the fillies gaped at one another.
"Erm…" Pinwheel finally managed to mutter, "I'll go get a broom, I guess." Careful not to step in the glass, Pinwheel left for the kitchen.
"I hope they weren't too much trouble!" Rarity arrived back the following afternoon, strutting around in a designer hat straight out of a Canterlot boutique, "I had a simply divine time on my trip, thank you for asking. I got this lovely hat and…oh my…"
Pinwheel ushered the three fillies out the door. All three were pale, their eyes foggy from a lack of sleep. "We, er, tried our best." Pinwheel laughed nervously. Rarity put a hoof to her mouth.
"My goodness, are they all right?" She asked, looking from Pinwheel to the fillies and back to Pinwheel. All three were unusually still, their eyes wide and motionless. Frowning, Rarity poked Sweetie Belle's nose, "Sweetie, darling?" Sweetie Belle swayed back and forth, as if pushed by a gentle breeze, but did not respond. "Dear Celestia, what did you DO to them?"
Pinwheel blushed. "N-nothing! We just gave them dinner and put them to bed!"
"Did…Pale Hoof do anything?" Rarity asked, grimacing.
"No, he was really good, I swear..."
Pale Hoof loomed in the shadows behind Pinwheel. "THEY WERE VERY WELL BEHAVED, MISS RARITY."
"Well…ah, perhaps next time, I'll find a new fillysitter." Rarity laughed nervously. Gently, she ushered the three fillies toward the porch steps. As they trotted listlessly along, Scootaloo turned her head toward Sweetie Belle.
"Hey, Sweetie Belle."
"Yeah?"
"Remember how Pale Hoof's scythe glowed in the dark?"
Sweetie Belle sprang back to life, her good color returning. "Yeah! That was awesome!" The fillies quickly resumed their excited chatter.
"Did you HEAR that scream?"
"I was so scared!"
"I know! I almost peed my sleeping bag!"
Rarity turned her head and smiled at Pinwheel, sighing. Pinwheel grinned back. Smiling, she looked up at Pale Hoof. "Fillies are pretty strange, aren't they, Pale Hoof? Cute, though."
"YES, QUITE CUTE. IT IS TOO BAD THAT THEY WILL SOON SHRIVEL UP WITH AGE AND DIE."
"You're a real cheerful colt, aren't you, Chuckles?" Pinwheel peered at him over her empty glasses frames, "Can you have kids, Pale Hoof?"
Pale Hoof paused for a moment, lowering his head in thought. "…I SUPPOSE I COULD, IF I DESIRED." He lifted his chin, watching the fillies as they strolled away from the cottage, "EVEN SO…I AM IN THE BUSINESS OF TAKING LIFE, NOT CREATING IT."
"I can't even imagine what your kid would look like."
"I WOULD NOT HAVE ONE. I CANNOT CREATE LIFE, SIMPLY RESTORE IT." Pale Hoof replied, "MY CHILD WOULD LIVE A FALSE LIFE. I WOULD NOT WISH THAT FOR ANY PONY."
Pinwheel gazed at him for a few moments, a small frown tugging on her lips. Pale Hoof's voice was the same as always – booming, emotionless, and eerily resonant – but there was a hint of melancholy in it that Pinwheel had never heard before. "Hey…" She began uncertainly, "Let's go to Sugarcube Corner. It sounds like you need some chocolate ice cream."
Pale Hoof inclined his head. "AS YOU WISH."