You know how I was talking with Rarity? Yeah, well I’m still talking to her. That’s not very surprising, not in the least. I mean, I have no problem with talking to her. Not like she’s driving me crazy or anything. Yet a problem does remain...
I’m still stuck in my head with Rarity.
I suppose this isn’t very surprising, considering the sequence of events that have played out up to now. I guess I’ll learn to cope; I always do. It’s not like I’m fusing with he- Oh wait... Fuck, nevermind that. What I’m trying to say is that she is a pretty cool mare once you get past the over exaggerated fashionista that she is. Otherwise, I totally wouldn’t mind having her has a college roommate or some shit.
Whatever, that still doesn’t change the fact Rarity and I are still trapped by the boundaries of my mind. It’s like being caged with thick steel chains wrapped around you as the key to freedom dangles mere inches from your grasp.
“Tony, would you be a dear and put an end to those depressing thoughts of yours?” Rarity announced through the cold silence that fell over us hours ago. She scoffs and shoves me lightly. “What happened to that go getter attitude? That moxxy and courage of yours?”
I shrug.
“Tony, don’t shrug. It’s such a lazy action and makes you looks like you don’t even care.”
I shrug again and look down at my hands. They look so real, but they’re nothing but an illusion. Now that I think about it, my whole physical being while in my mind is a mirage. Nothing more than a memory of my former self. It hurts to think of it like that, but the nostalgia of every little tear and stitch in these faded blue jeans makes my lips peel into a smile. Even the torn and tattered tee shirt I wear brings back memories. I cant help but keep staring at my hands...
v^v^v^v
Two Years Ago
“Spin me faster!” She yells, as I grip the cold iron bars of the merry-go-round. “Spin me faster, Tony!”
I can’t help but break into laughter as I spin her. Her pitch black hair flowing over her bright blue eyes and her adorable laughter. “I’m trying! I’m trying!” I shout back and give the playground toy one last ditch effort to try and spin it even faster.
“Weeee!” She calls, her voice slightly distorted by how fast she is spinning. I fall back into the mulched wood chips and smile. My breathing is heavy while I catch my breath, but I couldn’t be happier. Not when I get to spend time with the girl I love.
“Fast enough for you?” I say with a raspy and tired voice. A sharp pain pierces into the palms of my hands as I use them for support on the wood chips.
She’s laughing too hard to respond, the spin keeping her entertained.
I push myself off the ground and stroll on over to the spinning toy. With an outreached arm, I grab one of the bars and stop the merry-go-round abruptly. The kinetic force pulls on my arm for a split second, but I stand firm.
To no surprise, a few seconds later I find myself being tackled by the girl I was just spinning on a giant piece of iron and steel. Sharp pieces of wood bite into my back, but I’m willing to put it aside as we both become a giggling mess, wood chips now clinging to our hair.
I raise a hand to her cheek, brushing away the hair that fell over her eyes. Slowly, I pull myself closer to her. Those blue eyes of her’s stare down at me, but she doesn’t smile.
I sit up a bit and reach out to her, but she flinches away. “Tony, what are you doing?” She asks incredulously and pushes me away from her.
A cold spike runs down my back and everything seems to go quiet around me. I can’t even hear the summer birds chirping.
“I-I thought you..” I stutter, barely managing to choke out the few meager words.
“Eww, no!” She shrieks and backs away further. “We’re just friends, Tony!”
Her words... Are more like knives that tear through my self confidence.
Before I can say another word, she’s already walking away and thunder sounds off in the distance. I want to yell her name. Scream it at the top of my lungs, but I just sit there, dumbstruck and broken hearted. They call it cliche because it’s true.
Thunder makes itself known once more, followed by a bright flash across the mountainous horizon. Yet, as I lay there, I can’t seem to gather myself, only thinking of how utterly frustrated I am. I grit my teeth as I recall the laborious weeks that I spent sticking up for her at school. Keeping her safe and even taking a few punches for her. And this is how she repays me?! Even after I’ve done so much for her! Well you know what? Fuck her! I don’t need her!
The growing pain in my hands grows sharper as I come to realise I’ve been clenching my fists, pushing splinters into my palms.
I stand just as another crack of thunder resonates over the mountains. Heavy rain follows shortly after and I start walking home.
“Look on the bright side Tony.” I mumble while picking the chunks of wood out of my hands. “At- at least no one will ever see me cry.” A small grin peels over my lips as blood drips from my hands and tears are masked by the downpour.
v^v^v^v
I vaguely became aware I was back in a dark room with Rarity when I realised she was staring up at me with those sad blue eyes of her’s. She sits down and hugs my arm.
“Who- who was she?” She asks timidly.
“A girl.” I reply monotone and pull Rarity into a half assed hug.
“You loved her... Didn’t you?” She quietly asks, opening the palms of my hands with her hooves.
Small scars litter the flesh of my hands. “And she broke my heart.” I say with a small laugh. “But she taught me how to forgive.”
Rarity says nothing for a period of time and leans into my arm. She’s awfully warm and her melancholy tone is depressing. “Do you still love her?”
I nod my head and pet Rarity while she is at my side. “I can’t say I don’t. She was the first girl I’ve ever fell head over heels for.”
“Do... you think you will ever love again?”
I sigh and pat her mane as I think about those who have shattered my heart in the past. “Maybe. Probably not now, but perhaps in the future...” I say and let my thoughts wander once more, allowing Rarity full visual of my memories...
v^v^v^v
Valentines Day had just rolled on over to me and I was plenty happy. Sometimes you get a few pieces of candy, sometimes you meet someone who you think you could love the rest of your life! Ain’t it grand? I mean, I was skipping down the sidewalk with a freshly picked bouquet of flowers to meet someone special! This is totally going to be a great day!
It’s like I was on cloud nine, walking on sunshine and everything fell my way. And after about ten minutes of walking/skipping down the street I finally reached the glass pane doors that lead into some over glorified Mexican restaurant that I don’t recall the name of.
I sat at the table, fiddling with the flowers as I wait for her to arrive. My fingers brush across the soft petals, and I try desperately to ignore the pit building in my stomach. It had been twenty minutes past when I had told her to meet me here and I kept checking my phone like a nervous tick.
“Hey, you on your way?” I sent the message twice, just to make sure, and I kept looking at the send time to compare it to the black and white clock on the wall of the restaurant, but it didn’t change. 4:11 was when I had sent the message, and that time didn’t change.
I finally ordered myself an appetizer, since I was starving. I ate my chips and salsa with the sinking head of someone who would soon fall asleep at the table if things didn’t change, but instead of giving up I paid my bill and left. I walked four miles in the chilly air, trudging through the throngs of people coming from and going into the bars that line every street in the world on valentines day, until I get to her house.
I knock on her door three times, trying to keep a smile on my face. No answer. The smile is long gone. I pound harder. I hear some shouts and footsteps inside, but they seem to be telling me to wait. I’ve been waiting for a while, why should I have to wait longer? But I do. Because that’s what the good guy in the story always does. It’s always the bad guy that knocks down the door, so I bide my time.
Finally the door opens and there she stands. She always was too pretty. The kind of girl you know doesn’t understand what it’s like to not be adored. Brilliant red hair and brown eyes that don’t know what they did wrong.
“Tony! Hey, was our date.. I mean, I’m sorry, I just...” she stammers. She never stammers.
I can’t help but notice her shirt is on backwards. I also can’t help hearing the sounds of someone opening the back door and running.
No one will see my cry. Because for once I’m too angry to let those tears fall.
“What the hell?” I whisper.
“It’s not what it looks like!” She whined. I can’t stand it when people whine.
“Yes it is!” I shout, raising my voice at her for the first time ever. “It’s exactly what it looks like!”
Then, as though she was trying to excuse herself entirely from blame, she tried one last ditch generic woman-caught-cheating statement.
“I think we should see other people.”
I left. I left because the only other option was to hurt one of us or destroy property, and that’s not what the good guys do. Why did I have to be the good guy? For once, couldn’t I be that bad guy that snaps and puts a hole through a door? But no, Tony is a good guy. So I left. I made my way home, and I didn’t cry this time, I just stared at my handful of crushed flowers, and tried to find reasons not to throw them in the trash...
v^v^v^v
"...and a large plate of spaghetti." Says the voice I know as my own, now completing a sentence I don't remember starting. I try to focus, but everything is spinning.
"Huh...?" I mutter, attempting to make sense of what's going on.
"Something wrong, dear?" Says Rarity's crystal clear voice through the haze. "You seem distraught, are you okay?"
"R-Rarity?" I stutter and rub eyes. The smog around my vision clears and I can finally see again. Right off the bat I can plainly see that I'm sitting down at a booth. Not only that, but a young woman with sparkling blue eyes, long eyelashes and light clean skin sits across from me. She's wearing all white and the curled purple hair she has makes my skin crawl.
"Well yes Tony, unless you want to call me Ms. Belle, though that would be awfully formal for a date." She chuckles, sipping her grape juice with all the poise of a connoisseur sipping wine.
“I...What..” I start to stammer, confused to all hell. “Rarity, where am I? And why are you human?”
She leans forward, resting her elbow on the table and her chin on a perfectly manicured hand. "Well, I figured it would make you more comfortable, at least more willing to be on a date with me. Took a quick glance through your memories and didn't see any dates with animals, so..." She explains, smirking a little. "I could go the other way, make you a pony, but I think you'd prefer having hands when eating spaghetti."
I'm almost certain that my hands are shaking and sweaty. My face is blood red and I think there's a little person digging a hole in my stomach. "Ha.. Yeah..." I murmur while trying to hide my embarrassment. "And... Just why are we on a date?"
"Well, I got to see all your past... Experiences." She says quietly, folding her hands on her lap. "I figured you might as well have one where the girl wasn't a complete nightmare."
I go silent for a moment, having to think about what she said. "Umm... Thanks, Rarity." I say and look up to her. If it were not for the fact she's a pony in a human body, I would think she looks amazing... Ah hell, screw it. "You.. You look wonderful." I stutter with minor difficulty.
Now I think she's just being generous. Because I'm fairly sure I'm still in my casual clothes. A quick look at my chest proves me wrong. "Thanks, but.. you didn't undress me, did you?" I ask nervously, seeing as I'm wearing a simple ensemble of a leather jacket and cargo pants.
"No need to, I simply imagined you in something a bit more fashionable than jeans and there you go." She says with a chuckle. "Quite convenient, really."
"Right." I reply quickly and drum my fingers against the table. I'm nervous, can't you tell? "Anything.. You- uhh... Wanted to talk about?"
"Sure! How about..." She taps her chin while thinking. "What are you going to do about your family when this is all done?"
Shit.
“I don’t know.” I reply honestly, resting my face on my palms. “I really don’t.”
Rarity smiles, now leaning forward a bit. "Ever thought about trying to make it on your own? I have a business and I'm only seventeen after all." She points out. "Though equestria seems far kinder to entrepreneurs like myself than the united states would be."
I start combing through my hair with a free hand. "I don't know about that Rarity... I barely told my parents where I was going." Instinctively, I reach down into my pocket to pluck out my phone, and due to my luck; I find nothing. "I'm surprised my mom hasn't even tried to check up on me."
"Maybe she has tried, who knows. When it comes down to it though, by the end of this its not going to be you and me, its going to be us. Your time to talk to your family as just you is running out. I am confident that my family will accept us but...” She stops, unwilling to finish the thought.
"They'll accept us, Rarity. I'm sure of it." I say reassuringly and gently set one of my hands over hers. Wow. That was a lot more courageous and ballsy of me than I expected...
She smiles, relieved, before turning her hand over to hold mine. "You should contact them though, just in case." Then, with the timing only a fictional restaurant can provide, the food arrived. Rarity had apparently ordered a steak with a side salad.
"Thank you." I say to face-less waiter, then turning back to my.. date. "So... A steak, huh? I never took you for the meat-eater." I muse with a small smile of my own.
I resist the urge to shrug, instead setting a napkin on my lap. Hey, who says the tramp has to be an unmannerly brute? "If you say so, sweetheart." I say jokingly and twirl a fork on my fingers. One sharp motion later, I stab the utensil into the pile of noodles and sauce.
"Eep! Hehehe." She jumps at the sudden motion before chuckling nervously and starting in on her salad.
I twirl my fork, not really paying much attention to it. My eyes are glued to Rarity. And yes, I know it sounds weird, but she is pretty eye catching. I want to say something to her. Something that starts conversation easily...
Don’t be creepy, don’t be creepy, don’t be creepy!
“What's your favorite color?"
Nailed it.
"What's my favorite color? Really?" She giggles. "Ok, I will play the date game. My favorite color is periwinkle. You?"
“Pink.” I say completely deadpan.
"Oh really now? Why is that?" She asks curiously, picking up the knife and fork before contemplating the steak.
“Pink is a very manly color.” I retort with the utmost pride. “And mostly because I just love the color pink.”
Rarity giggles, and I’m almost sure she isn’t laughing at me. "Well I'm sure you will get along fine with Pinkie Pie then, have you heard anything about my friends?"
"Can't say I have.. When we wake up, I'll look into the other elements of harmony."
"So, any other questions for me? Going to ask me about my previous relationships, because I am afraid I would have to disappoint you there." She says as she starts to cut into her food.
You should totally ask her out.
"Nah. Let's leave the personal stuff out of it." I reply nonchalantly and bring a large clump of spaghetti up to my mouth. "Although I'm curious to know if you... unm.."
Shit! Think fast, Tony!
"-wanted to go see a movie later..."
Damnitalltofuckinghell!
She leans forward, looking a tad bit more sultry than I’m comfortable with. "You can take me wherever you want." She then cracks a smile and digs into her food. "I can't control my own hooves after all."
Note to self; don't talk to girls at all.
"Ah ha.. Very funny Rarity." I stutter, trying to not make anymore of a fool of myself. With nothing else to say, I eat my spaghetti. (Delicious stuff, gotta say.)
"So what movie should we see?" She asks, taking a bite of steak and looking surprised.
Shit, is she taking me seriously?
"Ummm... How about something... Hell, I don't know. You pick."
"Tony, I haven't had the time to dig through your mind and examine your world's movies. How about this, we go to a movie theater and pick one when we get there." She proposes, eagerly eating some more steak.
"Right.. Right.. I knew that." I say into my plate, feeling rather stupid. "Sounds good to me."
Idiot.
"You aren't an idiot, Tony." She says with a sigh. "Relax, I'm not going to flip out on you.”
Great, now she's getting in my head. “I’m sorry Rarity. I’m just not used to being on a date with a girl who isn’t trying to rip my head off.”
She chuckled, shaking her head. "Well I suppose I could go for a more plain look, or look like a pony again, or I could just keep messing with you." She ponders with a smile, as suddenly the lights are dim and the table is lit by a pair of red candles.
Cue the violins...
My heart is trying to beat itself out of my chest. I can hardly breathe and I'm positive that Rarity is just acting romance-y just to spite me. "R-Rarity, what are you doing?"
"Humor me, Tony. I've never been on a date and I might as well get one in before half my brain is relegated to worrying about sports or whatever you men bother with." She says with a small chuckle.
Roll with it, Casanova!
With one deep breathe and long exhale, I look back up to Rarity. Maybe it's because I'm nervous, but her eyes are almost hypnotic. "Oh sure, and you think I enjoy thinking about the best ways to stitch wedding dresses back together?" I snark with a short laugh. "But at any rate Rarity, sure.. I'll play your little game." I cross my arms and sit back. How bad could this possibly be?
A genuine smile starts to creep onto Rarity's face. "Well then, if we are on a date, and we had our dinner, but what next? A stroll along a river, some play or movie you like that I've never seen? Surprise me." She says, drinking the rest of her grape juice in a corny but amusing parody of a woman downing a glass of wine in anticipation of an exciting night.
I stand and offer her my hand, like a prince in one of those cheesy kid's cartoons. "Well, a surprise it shall be then."
Show her how to party Tony style!
v^v^v^v
I gotta say, it’s nice to be in my own body while I can, even if it’s just while in my head. The date with Rarity isn’t that bad either. Albeit, I was nervous to begin with, but she’s pretty easy to get along with! She laughs at my silly jokes, and her eyes... Oooh, I could go on forever about those jewels. I’d need a map if I stare at them for too long, I might get lost. (Ha. I’m funny.)
On a much more serious note, I’m still smiling knowing she put this all together for me. It’s hard to describe how I feel about her. Now, before you jump to the conclusion of I’m falling in love with her, shut your face. I am NOT, in anyway shape or form, giving my heart to Rarity! I’ll admit, she is pretty, she makes me smile, and I love her cute giggle when she snorts a little... That doesn’t mean I love her! I swear it doesn’t!
I’m such a terrible liar...
All emotional feelings aside, Rarity and I walked down a beaten pavement path; her arm hooked around mine at the elbow. She’s leaning against my arm as we walk along and for once, my heart isn’t tearing a hole in my chest. I don’t know how, but I’m keeping my breathing to a steady tempo. Surprising from a guy like me, huh?
“So, where are you taking me?” Rarity asks and slides her palm into mine. As cliche as it is, I can feel her pulse. “Somewhere exotic and surprising?”
“A place.” I reply with a sly smile. “One I think you might like.”
In truth, I have no idea where I’m going to take her. So, I dig through my memories, trying to conjure up a peaceful place I can take Rarity. One I know where nothing can go wrong.
Murphy’s Law.
Yet nothing comes to mind. “Start with a clean slate..” I mutter to myself, as the world around us slowly disassembles, leaving us walking in a white and blank void. “Now paint it..”
Curved pen strokes and clean brush marks wash over the canvas; lush olive coloured grass sprouting beneath our feet. Paved limestone steps show their faces under us, just before we step on the growing vegetation. Winding varieties of trees are born, pulling themselves upwards and aiming for the clear sky.
“I want to make this a day we’ll remember.”
Rarity looks up to me a quizzical look. “And how do you plan to do that?”
Paint brushes glaze over the world before us, mountains now taking shape and breaking forth into the horizon. Whitecaps fall over the zeniths of the mountains. Dense clouds huddle over their peaks, pelting them with flakes of snow.
“Just one more thing.” I remark and spin, pulling Rarity into a tight hug. Almost immediately, her face flushes into a dark crimson. “You put this together for me, now I’m returning the favor, Rarity.” I remark, tightening my embrace around her. “You deserve nothing but the best.”
Kiss de girl!
“An-Anthony?” She asks with the same bewildered and confused tone that I had a few moments ago. Now it’s her breathing that’s heavy, her pupils that are dilated, and of course the preemptive licking of her lips. “Wuh-what are you doing?” Her stutter was adorable.
Now’s your moment!
“Close your eyes, Rarity.” I whisper, now mere inches from her face.
Her blue gems of eyes flicker, with her long lashes batting. Rarity’s eyes close and I take this blissful moment to lean down to her. With a rather informal motion, I pick her up by her waist and she rests at eye level to me. Her feet dangle just barely off the ground.
C’mon, Casanova! Now’s your chance!
For once, I take my brain’s advice... and kiss Rarity. I won’t lie, I nearly missed, but my lips still connected to hers.
The first two seconds of the kiss where heaven, the other eight are nothing but gravy. Gradually I pull from her inviting lips and open my eyes. I prepare for the worst life has to throw at me...
...And for once, life doesn’t bitch smack me. Rarity stares up at me with her eyes glistening in the low light of the fading sunset. She blinks. And again. “T-Tony?” Her stutter, still very adorable.
“Yes?” I reply softly, still trapped by her gaze.
A light downfall of snow has begun to fall over us and Rarity’s lashes catch a few flakes.
“You’re a pony...” An expression of shock rolls over her features.
“Yes. Yes I am.” I snicker and look down at my new golden body. “You were a human for me, and I told you I would return the favor.” I sit down with a silly smile across my new equine face. “It only seemed fair.”
She presses a hoof against my cheek, observing the rest of my pseudo body. “Who... Who are you?”
“Goldheart.” I reply simply and smile a larger than life grin. I look down at my own body, smiling at the near perfect representation of my created character. I’m covered in a blindingly bright gold fur coat. Upon glancing at my flanks, I see an orange hoof wrapped a red one, as if assisting the other.
“And... Who is that?” Rarity asks, looking over my sides and investigating my mane.
I smile with a bit more pride. “He’s me!” I reply with a curved tone. “A lot of bronies and personified themselves as ponies. This one just so happens to be me!”
Rarity raises an eyebrow with an ‘oh really?’ kind of face.
“Long story short, I just thought it would be appropriate to be a pony for you. You know, passing the favor forward.”
Rarity’s face flushes again and she begins to smile. “Well, that is very kind of you, darling.”
Attaboy, slugger!
“You’re such a flatterer, Tony!” Rarity says and hooks her white hooves around my neck. “And I wouldn’t want anyone else to be in my body.” She leans in for another kiss and our lips are about to make contact once more... and they do.
Although the different body structure was a bit inhibiting, I’m a fast learner. Because you know, I’ve been walking around as a pony for what? Three days? Four? Whatever, you get the point.
v^v^v^v
To much of my distaste, I know I’m waking up. The warmth of Rarity next to me has vanished and has been replaced by a bone freezing chill. I’m shivering like a madman(mare?) as I reach for something to cover up with.
As luck may have it, I find nothing. With teeth clenched I open my eyes in hopes to put an end to this tirade of frigid air.
Yet when I open my eyes, I’m greeted with darkness. Not a thing to be seen. I can’t even see the hoof I’m waving in front of my face....