One minor note before we begin. Just in case there’s any confusion, this story takes place early in Season Two. That means that the Cakes haven’t had their kids, and Chrysalis hasn’t made an appearance. I’m not sure if that confused some people, but now you know.
After waking up and eating breakfast Carrot Cake did a few chores around the house. In the years to come he would often wonder what would have happened if he’d something else instead. If he'd delayed even a little bit, or done something besides clean the bathroom, his wife might have had time to notice her mistake. He might never have found the shiny black material in the trash can.
The substance was dark and mostly opaque, about four inches across with a few areas near the edges being slightly translucent. It was tough, but if he tried hard enough he could make it flex under the weight of his hoof. I think I know what this is, he thought. I just really, really hope I'm wrong.
Carrot snuck out of the house and ran all the way to the library. When he finally reached Twilight Sparkle's door he had to sit down and breathe deeply, letting his heart rate slow before he passed out in the dirt. He hated knowing that his own body could betray him at any moment.
When he finally felt ready Carrot knocked on the library's front door. "Just a minute!" somepony yelled. After a few loud noises, some of which must have come from impossibly heavy objects, the librarian answered the door. "Can I help you?" she asked breathlessly.
"I hope so." Carrot pulled the hunk of hopefully-not-chitin out of his apron. "Do you know what this is?
Twilight lifted the hunk of material with her magic and examined it. She turned it over, bent it slightly, and held it to her ear while tapping it with a hoof. "I think it's part of an insect's exoskeleton. The shape looks like it may have come from a beetle of some kind. Where did you get this?"
Mr. Cake mentally kicked himself; he hadn't thought about what to say if Twilight asked where the chitin had come from, and he wasn’t sure if he was ready to expose the impostor yet. The last thing he wanted was for the cavalry to come in with horns blazing and frighten away the only pony that might know where to find Cup Cake. "It was in the, uh, cellar. I found it in the cellar. It was nice talking to you Twilight, but I think I should go."
Twilight watched him trot away, feeling more than a little concerned for his health. Everypony knew that Mr. Cake wasn't the toughest of ponies, and something was clearly weighing heavily on his mind.
The awful truth of what the bit of chitin might mean slowly became clear, causing her to tremble from the revelation. She knew exactly what was bothering Mr. Cake, and the truth wasn't pretty. “Spike!” Twilight shouted. “Call the mayor! We have an emergency on our hooves!”
The little dragon came running as fast as his stubby little legs could carry him. “What is it?” he asked. “Is the town in danger? I mean, you know, more than usual?”
Twilight began running through a list of things she would need and started packing her saddlebag. “It might be. Something is horribly wrong at Sugarcube Corner, and we’re going to do something about it!”
*****
Mr. Cake stopped by the hardware store and the pharmacy on his way home. It was almost time to expose his wife's impostor, and he didn't want to do it empty hoofed. There was just one more test, one more bit of proof needed to make certain that he wasn't coming to the wrong conclusion. That proof would come when she took her vitamins the next morning.
Throughout the day Carrot pretended that nothing at all was wrong. He put so much effort into playing dumb that he could hardly focus on anything else. He even made himself kiss her once, though it made him want to scrub his lips until they bled. It felt wrong kissing something that might not be his wife.
Tomorrow was Saturday, which was Pinkie Pie’s day to mind the store. He could rescue Cup Cake and be back in business by Sunday if all went well.
That night he went to bed with a heavy mind. He’d hidden a box of nails under his side of the bed, just in case the changeling had caught on to his plans. He thought for sure that he would never get to sleep, but the last few days had worn on him so much that he soon nodded off.
His dreams were not the nightmares he expected. In them he rescued Cup Cake, charging in like the champion she deserved and heroically tossing changelings left and right. They lived happily together just like before this whole mess and he never worried about losing her again.
He woke in the middle of the night when the changeling breathed on his neck. Mr. Cake’s leg wasn’t quite long enough to reach his stash of nails without making it obvious that he was doing so. He shivered in fear, certain that he had been found out and that his life was about to end. Any moment now a pair of fangs would sink into his neck and kill him.
Did changelings drink blood? It seemed likely, given that they had fangs. What else were fangs for? Changelings fed on love and affection, but Carrot couldn't remember reading about the specifics of how they did so. Maybe they bit into a pony’s brain and drained out whatever caused happy feelings.
The changeling moved closer and Carrot Cake let out a startled gasp. She growled like an angry dog, snarling and baring her teeth. He felt her nuzzle into his neck and braced for the pain of a bite.
Nothing happened. The changeling snored quietly and settled down again. It had probably never been awake at all. Carrot Cake spent the rest of the night lying very still so as not to disturb it.
When morning finally came Cup Cake was slow to wake. She nuzzled Carrot Cake’s neck and yawned deeply. “Morning, sugarplum.”
“M-morning,” Carrot Cake said. He waited for her to roll out of bed and stumble to the bathroom, then grabbed his box of nails and followed. He took his apron on the way and tucked the nails inside so that she wouldn’t suspect anything was out of place. He heard a pill bottle being shaken, and the accompanying sound of water running into a glass. The changeling came out a few minutes later, having washed her face as well as taken her vitamins.
Cup Cake hugged him as she passed. “What should we do for breakfast?” she asked. Before Carrot Cake could answer she stumbled against him and gagged. “I-I think maybe I…uh oh.” She ran back into the bathroom and slammed the door in her husband’s face.
“Are you alright, honey bun?” Carrot called. He carefully turned the doorknob, moving as slowly as he could so that it opened without a sound. The changeling was bent over the toilet, throwing up the iron supplements that she had unknowingly taken. Her whole body was trembling violently and her coat glistened with sweat. If it weren’t for the fact that she was a shape shifting monster Carrot Cake would have felt terrible for her.
Cup Cake was almost done being sick when she noticed Carrot standing over her. “There’s something you aren’t telling me,” he said coldly.
To his surprise the changeling didn’t deny it. “I’m so sorry,” she said, voice made hoarse by her ordeal. “I meant to tell you sooner.”
“And are you going to tell me now?” he asked.
“Yes.” The changeling wiped her mouth, still in her Cup Cake disguise. The iron poisoning was apparently not serious enough to disturb the illusion. “I love you, sugarplum. I didn’t do this to hurt you. I just didn’t know how to tell you.”
“To tell me what?”
Cup Cake bit her lip and closed her eyes so that she didn’t have to look at him. “I’m pregnant,” she whispered.
“You’re…what?” Carrot Cake blinked dumbly and tried to focus, but his mind couldn’t quite make sense of it. He started to feel elated, then stammered out some nonsense as his pulse quickened. The combination of exhaustion and shock was too much for him. “I-I almost told Twilight.”
Cup Cake rolled her eyes and tried to catch him as she fell. She was so weak that he still hit the floor a bit too hard, but she was able to cushion the impact somewhat. “You say the strangest things when you get lightheaded,” she giggled. “You aren’t angry that I didn’t tell you sooner, are you?”
Carrot Cake mumbled something, trying to say that he honestly had no idea what to think. He sunk all the way into unconsciousness before he could form a proper sentence.
*****
Waking from one of his fainting spells usually happened all at once, but this time felt different. Mr. Cake slowly took notice of the world around him, starting with his own body and the position he was resting in. My wife isn't a changeling, he thought. Relief washed over him and made him sigh appreciatively.
Carrot Cake’s perceptions extended to the bed that he was lying on. The soft sheets and the faint scent of fabric softener relaxed him. His week had been miserable, and now that he could finally unwind he wanted to do nothing but sleep for the rest of the day.
Eventually he noticed that somepony was lying next to him. Carrot opened his eyes, wincing at the unpleasantly bright sun that was peeking into his window. His wife was dozing next to him, her deep sighs smelling of toothpaste and Colgate’s special brand of mouthwash. Her hair was disheveled and she hadn’t applied any makeup, but she was beautiful nonetheless.
Guilt washed over him and made him cringe. I haven’t been very good to her lately, he thought. She can always tell when something is bothering me. I must have been awful to be around, no matter how much I tried to act like nothing was wrong. I haven’t been the kind of husband she deserves. He gently draped his forelegs over her. All of that ends now. I won’t let it happen ever again.
His light embrace had not been light enough to avoid waking her. Cup Cake yawned and blinked a few times to clear her eyes. “Hey you,” she whispered.
“Hey.” Carrot kissed her forehead. “I’m sorry for acting the way I did.”
“I should have told you sooner,” Cup Cake said. “You probably thought I was hiding something.”
Mr. Cake forced himself to laugh, even though he felt more like crying. He’d die of embarrassment if anypony ever found out. “You might say that,” he admitted. “It makes sense now; morning sickness, strange cravings, waking up in the middle of the night. What was the black stuff I found in the bathroom?”
“I don’t know. If it looked like black plastic, then it was probably the package from a pregnancy test. Why? What did you think it was?”
“It isn’t important.” The two lay in silence for a while as Carrot thought about what the future would bring. “We’ll have to think of a name.”
Cup Cake agreed. She snuggled up against him but recoiled when something dug into her side. “What’s this?” she asked as she reached into his apron. Carrot Cake tried to think of a reasonable explanation that wouldn’t make him seem like a superstitious nut job. The best he could come up with was a joke about repairing a cake.
All of his excuses were forgotten when his wife touched one of the nails that had spilled out of the box. She screamed and pulled her hoof back, holding it close to her side as the keratin sizzled like veggie bacon in a skillet.
By the time Carrot realized what had happened he was already in motion. He tumbled out of bed and scampered to the door, careening into the hallway after banging his shoulder on the doorframe. He made it halfway to the stairs before a field of green magic enveloped him and lifted him into the air. Nails spilled out of his apron and all over the carpet as he was turned upside down.
Carrot Cake was helpless in the grip of the changeling’s magic, but he refused to give up hope. He searched his apron just in case some of the nails remained. When that failed he was reduced to grabbing the doorframe and shouting for help. Once again luck was not on his side; Pinkie was spending the day with her friends and the bakery wasn’t for business yet. He was all alone with a monster, and the stress was getting to him.
You can’t faint now, he told himself. Buck up and do something! Your real wife is probably still out there, and she needs you! His vision swam and his train of thought began to drift off course. No! Stay awake! Keep fighting!
To his credit, Carrot held on longer than he had ever managed before. His hooves gouged thick furrows into wood as he slowly lost ground, floating further into the bedroom and away from freedom. Finally, when he lost all strength in his legs, he gave in to the welcoming embrace of darkness. The last thing he saw was his wife’s disturbingly alien face; her eyes were glowing, and her disguise had broken down enough that he could see her fangs.
This time he woke up in the usual way. Carrot Cake gasped and rolled over, confusion overwhelming him. Somepony grabbed him to keep him from rolling off the bed, and for a few wonderful seconds he convinced himself that he’d had another nightmare.
The illusion collapsed very quickly. There were nails scattered all over the floor, his wife (or the thing pretending to be his wife) had been crying, and his shoulder ached where he’d hit the doorframe.
Cup Cake settled back on the other side of the bed and let him have his space. They stared at each other for a long time in silence, each of them certain that they were at a defining moment in their relationship. “Why haven’t you tied me up?” Carrot finally asked. “I could make a run for it again.”
“Free range ponies taste better.”
“That isn’t funny.”
“Not even a little bit?” the changeling asked.
“No.” Carrot Cake struggled out of his apron and threw it aside. “What have you done with my wife?”
The changeling hid her face in her hooves. “I knew this would happen,” she moaned. “Your wife hasn’t gone anywhere, dear. It’s always been me.”
Is she saying what I think she’s saying? Carrot Cake wondered. No, that wouldn’t be possible. Would it? How long can a changeling stay in disguise? Do they have to drop the illusion every now and then, or can it be permanent? “What happened to the original Cup Cake?” he asked. “When did you take her place?”
“There was no Cup Cake!” the changeling insisted. “My parents found me when I was a foal. They wanted children but couldn’t have any of their own, so they took me in. I’ve used the same disguise my entire life. I am the real Cup Cake.”
“You gained weight!” Carrot Cake shouted. It was an odd thing to shout, but then this was an odd conversation. This was already the strangest argument he’d ever had with his wife, and it was only going to get worse. “While we were dating you gained weight. You can’t gain weight from love! Love has no calories!”
“I still eat!” Cup Cake yelled back. “I can’t help it! I eat when I’m nervous!”
“You’re a liar. You’re either lying now or you were lying for the last six years.” Carrot wanted to feel angry, but instead he felt dirty and a little sick. He wanted to crawl into the shower and not come out until he felt clean again. Most of all he wanted to believe that his wife wasn’t lying to him. “How can I believe you?”
The changeling looked hurt, but Carrot Cake forced himself to remain skeptical. So what if this looked exactly like his wife, trembling lower lip and all? So what if she looked exactly like Cup Cake did whenever she was about to burst into tears? He couldn’t hug her right now, not without knowing for sure. “I remember how we met,” she said. “I can remember our first date and the stupid cab driver that didn’t know his way around. I r-remember that awful museum and….”
She hid her face in her pillow and cried. Carrot Cake watched for a moment, feeling utterly lost. He had no idea if he should feel sorry for making her cry, frustrated that he still didn’t trust her, or angry that he had been lied to. In the end he somehow managed all three at the same time. “I didn’t like the entomology exhibit!” she sobbed.
Carrot laughed in spite of the awful mix of emotions churning inside him. “That explains a lot. I spent the whole night thinking you were mad at me.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” she said. “I’ve never liked bugs. They make me uncomfortable.”
“That’s a bit surprising, all things considered. Can I ask why?”
Cup Cake shyly fidgeted with her hooves. “Insects are cruel. When I was little I read a book in school about wasps that lay eggs in other bugs. It sounded like the worst death I could imagine. All the other bug could do was suffer and wait for the end. I’m…better than that.” She buried her face in the pillow and let out a choked sob. “I’m better than that.”
“You didn't have to go in the first place,” Mr. Cake pointed out. “You probably could have just cast a spell on me. I’d never know the difference.”
Cup Cake shook as though he had smacked her. “I wouldn’t! I could never…I l-love you!” She lunged across the bed with surprising agility and clung to him like a frightened child. “Please don’t leave me!”
The idea hit him like a hard kick to the stomach. If this was indeed his wife –and he was almost certain that she was -how could he leave her? She had lied to him for years, but she was still his Cup Cake. He still loved her even if she secretly had fangs and a thirst for blood or whatever it was that changelings needed.
Carrot Cake hugged his crying wife and tried to brush some of her mane out of her face. “I won’t,” he said. “I would never. I love you.”
“You’re just saying that!” Cup Cake howled, indifferent to his attempts at comforting her. “You’re married to a giant bug and now you’ll run off to tell everypony the moment I turn my back! I’ll get banished forever and nopony will ever see me again and I’ll have to live in the Everfree Forest and I’ll be eaten by timber wolves and-”
“Hush!” Carrot demanded. He hit his wife in the face with his pillow to get her attention. “Stop yelling, honey bun. I’ve got a headache.” He curled up and rested against her. “Now I don’t know about you, but I could use a nap. Passing out isn’t very restful and I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in days. We’ll need to have a talk about honesty and trust, but that can wait. For now, just relax.”
Soon Cup Cake stopped crying, but continued to sniff and sob periodically. “You really aren’t going to leave me?” she asked.
“Not unless this turns into Invasion of the Pony Snatchers.” Carrot Cake felt his wife shiver and chuckled. “That settles it; you’re the real Cup Cake.”
“I hate that book so much,” Cup Cake grumbled. “Imagine if it was about how awful and useless earth ponies are. You’d hate every word.”
“And the radio drama gives you nightmares.”
“Awful nightmares!” Cup Cake agreed. “It’s the noise they make. It drives me crazy.”
Carrot Cake laughed as she continued to seethe about her least favorite story. He slowly started to drift off to sleep only to be brought back by something that sounded important. “What would you have done if I was abducted?”
“I’d look for you,” he mumbled. “Do you even have to ask?”
“What would you do when you found me?”
Though he was reluctant to admit it, Carrot Cake hadn’t considered the specifics of how he would rescue his wife. He was one of the least physically intimidating ponies in existence and he would pass out the moment things got dangerous, so violence was out of the question. “I’d sing,” he said after some serious thought. “I’d sit down outside the hive and sing for days on end.”
Cup Cake let out a melodramatic gasp. “I knew you were determined, dear, but that may be crossing a line.”
“I’d do it,” he warned. “Don’t test me, mare.” His serious tone broke down into a fit of laughter, and he settled in for a long nap. “Guess this means we won’t be picking out baby names,” he mumbled.
Cup Cake let out an irritated huff. “Of course we will! Who else is going to name them?” she asked.
Nap time was officially over. Carrot Cake sat bolt upright and felt his pulse begin to race. He took a few calming breaths and tried to wrap his mind around what his wife was suggesting. “Is that even possible?”
“It’s happening, so I guess it is. We’re going to have children.”
“How are we even compatible?” Carrot asked. “Has anything like this ever happened before?”
“I don’t think so. I’m not supposed to have children at all; I’m a drone, not a queen. I don’t know what to expect.” She seemed concerned, but not frightened. Carrot Cake wondered if the trauma of revealing her true self made her pregnancy seem less frightening by comparison. “I’ve been a pony for so long that I forgot how to be anything else. I haven’t even tried to change my shape in almost fifteen years. Maybe I’m a pony for good, and this is the result. I certainly hope that’s the case, because otherwise we’re going to need to come up with a lot of baby names.”
Carrot Cake’s face went pale. He knew that some insects had a queen that could lay hundreds, possibly even thousands of eggs. “H-h-h-how many exactly?”
Cup Cake frowned as she tried to recall what little she knew about her own kind. “I think anywhere from five to ten. No, probably twenty or thirty.” She saw Carrot Cake’s look of horror and tried to smile. It ended up looking more like a strained grimace. “Fifty would be a safe bet.” She dropped the smile and draped one leg over her face so that she wouldn't have to look at him. “Definitely not more than a hundred.”
She’s joking, Carrot Cake thought. When he tried to speak all that came out was a strangled whimper. We couldn’t possibly have that many children. The mind boggles. It’s boggling right now, at this very moment. His condition got the better of him, and he gratefully allowed himself to sink into glorious unconsciousness.
The last thing he heard was the bakery door slamming open. “Everypony stay calm!” Twilight Sparkle shouted. “I’m here to save your basement!”
*****
As the months passed it became abundantly clear that Cup Cake was not going to give birth to an army of changelings. Carrot Cake was still adjusting to the idea that he had married an otherworldly creature, but very little about his routine had changed. He still woke up early, baked pies and cakes, baked again after Pinkie woke up because there was nothing left afterward, and spent lots of time planning for the new addition to the family.
Any lingering concern he felt after learning the truth disappeared very quickly. Cup Cake was back to her old self in no time, and a short visit with her parents confirmed her story. Apart from the occasional mood swing or bout of morning sickness (both of which were becoming much more frequent), the household was happier than it had ever been.
Even Pinkie Pie was more cheerful than usual, which was quite an experience. Sometimes she seemed just as excited about the coming foal as the Cakes. She told all of her friends, her friend’s friends, random ponies she met on the street, and especially her pet alligator Gummy. Gummy, being only almost sentient, did not share her enthusiasm.
Mr. Cake continued to read when business was slow. Today was another slow day, so he had his trusty book at the ready. He was reading another monster story, which made his wife just a little uneasy. She wasn’t worried about him jumping to conclusions anymore; she simply couldn’t stand scary stories.
“Something funny Mr. C?” Pinkie asked as she prepared her morning coffee. She wasn’t quite as bouncy as usual, but a cup filled with caffeine and sugar would provide exactly the boost she needed.
“Just thinking about Cup Cake,” he said, and went back to reading. He looked up again when he realized that Pinkie’s breakfast consisted of nothing but sugary doughnuts and coffee. She had only filled half of her cup with the rich brown liquid and was attempting to top it off with an ungodly amount of sugar. “How can you stand to drink that?” he asked.
Pinkie Pie shrugged and fruitlessly tried to stir her drink. A sound like bricks sliding across a stone floor filled the room.
A panicked voice in the back of his mind began to shout a warning, but Mr. Cake tried his absolute best to ignore it. I’m not going to do this again, he told himself. If I can’t handle these stories then I need to stop reading them.
The pink party pony perked up when the bell above the bakery’s door chimed. One of her friends had come looking for her. “Pinkie!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “What are you doing? We were supposed to be ready twenty minutes ago!”
Mr. Cake tried not to stare as Pinkie downed her disgusting cup of sugary coffee (or rather, coffee-flavored sugar) in one gulp, along with three doughnuts. Once again her mouth had opened up way too wide. “Sorry for making you wait, Dashie!” she said happily. “I’ve got some great prank ideas. Let’s go get some stuff from my room. Maybe we can even smooch a little while we’re up there!”
“Pinkie Pie!” Rainbow Dash shouted. She looked around in a panic to see if anypony had heard. Luckily for her, the bakery was mostly empty. Both mares turned to Mr. Cake, one immensely pleased with herself and the other wishing she could turn invisible.
“Dashie isn’t ready to tell anypony yet,” Pinkie said simply. Mr. Cake crossed his heart and then went through an increasingly elaborate series of movements to indicate the infamous Pinkie Pie Promise. The process had gone through several revisions after one of Pinkie’s friends had found a loophole to exploit. Afterward he resumed his position at the counter and somehow managed to look casual. “See?” Pinkie asked. “We’re safe.”
Rainbow Dash smiled and followed her secret marefriend upstairs. Mr. Cake started to relax and went back to his book. See? He thought. Pinkie is still Pinkie. She even has a marefriend now. There’s nothing to worry about.
Rainbow Dash’s voice drifted down the stairs. “Whoa! How did…how did you get up there?”
Mr. Cake’s eye began to twitch. “Nope!” He laughed and tossed his book all the way across the room and into the trash can. “Nope, nope, nope!”
“Is everything alright, sugarplum?” Cup Cake called. She trotted out of the kitchen and looked around. “Was that Pinkie’s little friend I heard? Do they want something to snack on?”
“Everything’s fine!” Carrot said. He wiped the sweat from his brow and sighed. “I don’t think they want to be interrupted, if you know what I mean.”
Cup Cake stared blankly for a moment, then chuckled. “Oh my! Our little Pinkie has a marefriend? That’s so adorable!”
“Yeah, adorable.” Carrot looked back at the trash can on the other side of the room. Maybe he’d sneak another look at the book after all, just to be on the safe side. One could never be too careful.
Mrs. Cake nudged his shoulder and grinned. “You know, we’ve been very slow today. I don’t think anypony would notice if we slipped away for a bit.”
“To do what?” Mr. Cake asked absently. He was still distracted, but only until the full impact of her words hit home. “Oh! Oh, you mean…yeah. You’re right.” He cheerfully followed his wife upstairs, but paused to look at the strange marks on the ceiling. Two sets of perfectly round rings, just a little wider than his hooves, trailed down the hallway and into Pinkie’s room. Those don’t look like hoof prints, he mused. What kind of creature makes a mark like that?
“Are you coming, dear?” his wife called.
Mr. Cake forced himself to relax. He decided, once and for all, to stop worrying so much. He had a good life and he refused to spend it chasing after imaginary dangers. He forgot all about monsters, strange hoofprints, and baseless suspicions.
He did not, however, forget about his changeling.
*****
While Mr. and Mrs. Cake were distracted, Pinkie Pie was demonstrating her new prank apparatus. “Isn’t this great?” she asked, walking in a small circle around her ceiling fan. A loud pop-thhck accompanied her movements every time she pulled one of the powerful suction cups attached to her hooves away from the ceiling. “This is gonna be so much fun! I’m like Spidercolt!”
“I’m not sure how these are supposed to be fun for me,” Rainbow groused. She was sitting on the bed and watching as the pink pony slowly meandered around the room. “I could just hover in place.”
Pinkie pulled her front legs free of the ceiling and swung down, hanging only by her back hooves. She grabbed Rainbow and pulled her into a surprise kiss. “Upside-down Spidercolt smooches!” she exclaimed.
Rainbow Dash reconsidered the suction cups attached to her legs. Maybe this wasn’t such a lame idea after all.