Chapter 8: Forgiveness
I drift in and out of sleeping and wakefulness. I do not wish to sleep, I have slept more than enough already but I understand it will be some time before my full strength has returned. I am assured it will return at least. Luna sent her physician to examine me after I woke. His visit was brief and to the point. I am ‘out of the woods’ he said. Though I will need time to regain the strength in my limbs.
Though I have asked for no such thing, a servant is on hand at all times. Apparently she has been given instructions to see to my needs. Food, drink, and other functions I am embarrassingly incapable of seeing to myself at the moment. She goes about her duties with the cheer I have come to expect of the Equestrian’s. Her pleasant demeanor makes it hard to retain my dour mood. Perhaps that is why caring for recovering ponies is her special talent?
She is a true professional at least. She does not question my lack of brand, or the presence of my wings. In her eyes I am simply another patient in need of her care. Our only hiccup thus far was when she wished to open the curtains to admit the rising sun’s rays into the room. Despite my exhausted state I can still muster an appropriately commanding scowl it seems. I am sure this would amuse Tak.
I frown a little as my nurse departs. Where is he? I understand Trixie not being here. She made her feelings very clear to me that she intended to leave my company. I am sure her punishment is all that keeps her here in Canterlot. It is still early in the morning, and he does not enjoy waking at first light. I am sure he is simply sleeping late.
Sure enough he wanders into my room blinking blearily about. He must have come here straight from his bed. I suppress an amused chuckle as he invites himself up onto my sickbed settling comfortably. Then I smell it, Trixie’s scent is all over him. And while I am unfamiliar with pony mating habits I am not so naïve to be unable to recognize the signs. My sister’s would take advantage of some of the more virile males back home often enough. Is this the same thing then? Female pony’s certainly seem the dominant sex here…or is there something more between them? Is he going to leave with her when their sentence is up?
“I’m glad you’re awake Umbra.”
His voice draws me from my inner thoughts. I raise half lidded eyes to his face; my voice is still a hoarse whisper. “Well I was in need of a nap.”
He smiles at my jest. “Did you spend your whole time here waiting to use that one?”
My shoulders twitch in the best approximation of a shrug I can manage. “Only the first week. I am not as adept with humor as you are after all.”
Now he laughs. “I don’t know, you’re getting better.”
He is in his pegasus guise. It is handsome enough I suppose but not nearly so much as his true changeling persona. The one with the piercing red eyes. “I am glad you are using your proper voice. The other grates on my nerves.”
He rolls his eyes now. “I know. See what great lengths I’m going to to make you comfortable? Suppressing my true self and all?”
I snort. “I believe this is your true self. I note you have to make an effort to maintain the other accent, this is how you speak when you are overly emotional or distraught.”
His familiar smirk slips into place. “Do you think I’m overly emotional right now?”
“Perhaps.” He looks away from me for the first time since he entered, are his cheeks darker? “Where is Trixie?”
“Eh? She’s asleep. She doesn’t have to get up and go to the library til later. I Can go get her if you want.”
I shrug. “If she wishes to see me she will make her way here in her own time. I am surprised you are not still with her. Or is it customary for the male to sneak away from his mate’s bed while she slumbers?”
His eyes widen a bit then he huffs. “I was perfectly comfortable with her until Princess Luna less than gently made me aware of your waking up in my sleep. Not big on privacy is she?”
I shrug again. “She is this lands ruler, one of them anyhow. We are in her kingdom so it is her right to breach our dreams if she wishes I suppose.”
“Did she talk to you?”
I nod. “Once. When we first arrived I assume. Then again when I woke. She was here at the time.”
His wings twitch. A sign something is bothering him. “Talk about anything interesting?”
I do not know why I never told Tak and Trixie of the true reason I sought Luna. Perhaps I was ashamed of her? Or did not wish to look foolish for dragging them across the country if it turned out she was not my birth mother. “She confirmed that she is my mother.”
The look on his face does more to bring me cheer than anything Healing Hooves has done for me thus far. “Your WHAT?”
I nod slowly and lazily motion with my head toward the glass of water on the stand by my bed. He obliges grudgingly, holding it for me as I sip. “My mother, my REAL mother, told me she suspected Luna was the one who gave birth to me and abandoned me in Colton. Luna confirmed this for me.”
“Jeez Umbra…so what’re you gonna do?”
“About what? I wished to learn the circumstances of my birth and subsequent abandonment. I have done so. Assuming she does not punish me similarly to you and Trixie, I will leave Canterlot as soon as I am able.”
He frowns now. “You don’t wanna stick around a little bit? Try and get to know her? I mean…she’s your mom.”
I shake my head angrily. “She is NOT my mother.” My voice rises very slightly. “She birthed me, but she did not raise me. I HAD a mother, one who loved and cared for me!” My back and throat simultaneously flare dangerously at my increased agitation and raised tone. With a soft groan I settle down again forcing myself to calm.
“Sorry…sorry I didn’t mean to imply that the Queen wasn’t your mother Umbra.” He fetches me more water which I take slowly. “But I mean…it can’t be as simple as that. Ponies don’t abandon their foals. Ever. If she left you in Colton she had to have a really good reason.”
The glass is empty so I let it fall onto the bed beside me. “Perhaps she did. It does not change what happened to me Tak. I loved my mother, I love Spinner and Neela. But now that I am here on the surface…now that I see the way the ponies treat one another. The open care and affection that none even try in the least to hide…I find myself dwelling on the life I could have had. Everything I was denied by Luna’s actions.”
Tak’s frown has not faded. “It wasn’t all the princess’ fault you know? She didn’t just dump you in the middle of nowhere Umbra. She left you with ponies she trusted, ones who stayed true to her even after her banishment. If anyone’s to blame for what happened to you it’s the lich.”
His words ring true. As they always do. She surely could not have foreseen what my presence would do to the ponies whose loyalty to her never faltered. How could she have anticipated such a monster would come for me? And if this Nightmare Moon creature was as horrible as I am lead to believe she truly did have my best interests at heart.
“Perhaps you are right Tak.” I sigh softly. I am suddenly exhausted again. I have been awake for perhaps half an hour now and already I feel as if it has been a week. “I suppose my heart and my head are telling me two different things, and both are quite insistent.”
He slips from the bed placing the fallen glass back on the stand. “I’ve gotta get to my job Umbra. I’ll be back later this afternoon though. One last piece of advice before I go. Most ponies listen to their hearts over their heads. The mind can play tricks on you, but your heart’s always true they say.”
And then he leaves, closing the door softly behind himself. At times I think I prefer him to act the buffoon, when he is being wise he so easily manages to muddy my thoughts. Against my will I find myself sleeping again. It is a peaceful dreamless sleep at least. In fact in the weeks I have been staying here I have had no unpleasant dreams at all, most if any were about my time at home. More of Luna’s doing perhaps?
My door opening rouses me sometime later. To my surprise it is not Tak or Healing Hooves, but Trixie who enters. She is in her crimson coated Magica disguise but it is her none the less. She pauses a moment at the door to allow her eyes to acclimated to the darkness of my room, before dragging a chair to my bedside with her magic. I follow her movements silently as she climbs into the chair and settles herself.
She is carrying a tray laden with what I assume is my afternoon meal. Simple but hearty fare that is to encourage my recovery I am told. I have not developed a fondness for hay but the oatmeal is good enough when flavored with enough cinnamon. My eyes are drawn to the beautifully green, plump apple sitting on the tray however.
“Tak told me you were up. Sorry it took so long to get over here, that library is a disaster area.” She looks me over for a moment. “Are you hungry? Your nurse said it was time for your lunch but I told her I’d take care of it.”
I do not understand. She seems so pleasant. Friendly. “Why are you here?”
She blinks, taken aback by my question. “Where else would I be? I get a lunch break you know? It’s not like I’m a slave. Now she said you have to get through the hay and oatmeal before I give you the apple. Apparently you put up a fight at breakfast.”
I ignore the tray. “When last we spoke you said you were going to leave. Has something changed?”
She frowns now. “I was just angry Umbra. Sometimes when somepony gets upset we say things we don’t mean. I guess I forgot how literal you take everything. I’m sorry for that. Now eat some of this hay. I can dump salt on it if you want.”
I shake my head and obligingly take a bite from the plate. “So…you do not hate me? You do not wish to leave Tak and I?”
She laughs. “No I don’t hate you. And I don’t plan on going anywhere until you’re back on your hooves and can come with me. Definitely had enough of Canterlot though.” She levitates a spoon laden with oatmeal to my mouth. While embarrassing I eat it; the promise of the apple is too great to ignore.
“Tak is your mate now?”
The spoon clatters into the bowl and sends bits of the oatmeal across the tray and bedspread. “W-well…we ah…were together last night, yes. I don’t know if I’d say MATE, or even a special somepony. Just...” She frowns as she cleans the small mess you made. “Sometimes when we’re distressed, we seek comfort in another’s hooves. Tak and I’ve both been upset for a while now and well…he was there, I was there…” She shrugs.
“So you mated out of convenience? To make one another feel better?”
Another shrug as she offers me the hay again. “That’s a very simplified way of putting it, but basically. I like Tak a good deal. He’s a good friend to me, something I don’t have a lot of as you know. And I suppose we’ve been spending a lot of time together over the last few weeks. I could certainly see myself doing it again but…” She shrugs. “He’s a little conflicted I think. He cares about you a lot.”
I am pleased to discover the hay is gone leaving only the more palatable oatmeal between me and my prize. “Did he not mention it customary for one male to have multiple females here?”
“Well it is. I mean it’s not like every stallion in Equestria has a dozen mares living with him but it’s not the rarest thing in the world for a family to form with several mares around one stallion. Though the mares do all have to be on good terms of course.”
I am nearly finished with the oatmeal. “Are we not on good terms?”
She raises her eyebrow regarding me curiously now. “I suppose we are. Are you suggesting we share Tak?”
The oatmeal is gone, the apple is mine! She sees where my focus is and rolls her eyes, deftly splitting it into fourths with her magic and resting it near me so I can eat it easier. “I do not know. I am unsure if I wish to become…intimate with Tak. I had never given mating much thought. Obviously it would be difficult for me to find a male among the spiderkin.”
“I suppose living around giant spiders her whole life would put a damper on a mare’s romantic side. And no, I wouldn’t mind sharing Tak with you Umbra. I spend all my time with the two of you anyhow. You’re both somehow able to put up with me at my worst and neither of you do anything that annoys me too much.”
“Is a herd situation agreeable to Tak? Do changelings share such customs?”
“That’s a good question. I know they have queens and drones like bees and ants do. I never studied bugs much but I doubt romance entered into the equation with him much either. You could always ask.”
I have finished the apple; it was as delicious as it looked. Trixie moves the tray from the bed and stands. “Before you leave…I must apologize.”
She looks even more surprised at that than the herd suggestion. “Apologize? What for?”
“The girl, Jennifer. You were right. You both were. I should have left her alone, or at the least approached her in a more…open state of mind. I had questions I needed answering but attacking her as I did was foolish.”
Her expression softens a little and she nods. “We ran into her and the bat pony last night. Tak and I were getting dinner and they were at the same restaurant. We talked. I think you’d like her, Jen that is. You have a lot in common.”
I snort. “I very much doubt that.”
Trixie raises her eyebrow again. “Consider who and what she is Umbra. A stranger not from this land, living amongst us ponies trying to learn how to fit in with us. Does that sound familiar?” She smirks at my grunt. “She’s here in the castle. Apparently she’s Princess Luna’s protégé. She’s teaching her sword play and Equestrian politics. Would you like me to send her over?”
I blink. “Send her over? To see me? Why in the world would I want that? Why would SHE want that?”
“Well. While you’re apologizing to everypony I’m pretty sure she deserves it more than me and Tak. She’s a very sweet filly Umbra. You at least owe her that much.”
In truth I owe her a good deal more than a mere ‘I am sorry’. I tried to slay the child for imagines crimes. There is no forgiveness for that. But…Trixie is correct. “You may tell her I am here. If she wishes to come, I will offer my apology.”
She grins. “You’ll feel better. Trust me, I know.” She departs swiftly, an excited smile on her face.
I do not expect the alien creature to come and so I prepare to sleep. I am just drifting off when I hear my door open slowly. “Uh…hello?” I recognize her voice immediately. I heard it enough when she pleaded with me to stop fighting her. Though the figure in the doorway is…a pony. A young pegasus filly.
“…what happened to you?”
She jumps a bit and looks to me on the bed at last. “Oh! It’s dark in here. I didn’t see you.” She moves timidly, nervous. I cannot fault her. Our battle was particularly viscous. Slowly she makes her way to the chair Trixie vacated and climbs into it, looking at me quietly.
“Well?”
“Oh! You mean…why’m I a pony?” I nod. “It’s Luna’s idea. It’s a long story but basically I’m gonna wind up as one eventually. She gave me this bracelet to spend some time as each tribe to see where I fit in the best.” She lifts a leg to display a silver bracelet dangling. I recognize it from our battle, it is what she used to grow her horn and ultimately subdue me. She presses a hoof to one of the charms and in a silvery flash she is sitting before me in her natural state once more, save the addition of a large pair of wings.
“I see. Luna seems a…wise ruler.”
She shrugs fidgeting with her fingers. A gesture Neela used when she was nervous. The similarities between the two are somewhat jarring now that I am not trying to kill her. The girl is soft spoken, though I know from experience there is a fire burning within her that she is not afraid to release if pressed. “She’s been nice to me, yeah.”
My eyes linger on the three scars at her stomach. One is far larger than the others, but the pair that crosses over it came from my leg guards. I am about to speak again when I see Bleeding Heart’s sword on her arm. The sheathe that holds it in place has changed, rather than the simple leather strap it is now the same metal as the shield itself. A large pink gemstone sits in the center. “What happened to her blade?”
She frowns only slightly. “My blade. And it’s completed now. Luna gave me the missing piece. All of the Arms of Harmony come in a set. The weapon and the armor.”
I let her correction pass. My curiosity is aroused. “I do not wish to provoke you, but that seems rather poor protection to be considered armor.”
She blinks down at her arm then laughs. “Oh! Oh right um…” She stands and presses her hand against the gem. In another flash she is covered head to foot in gleaming gold and pink armor.
“Ah. That is…more impressive.”
Touching the gem inlaid into Bleeding Heart’s sword her armor vanishes. “Yeah. I just got it from Luna for my birthday last week.”
I nod again. “You mentioned the Arms of Harmony? Is…your sword part of a set?”
She nods now, looking excited. “It is! Its name is Mercy. A long time ago, before the princess’ ruled Equestria, even before there WAS an Equestria I think…I’m not done with the book yet, there was this group of unicorn knights called the Order of Harmony. Back then I guess the pony tribes didn’t get along, and they were always getting picked off and eaten by dogs, dragons, giant monkeys, and uh…griffons! Yeah. So the old unicorn king told his royal wizard to like, come up with something to stop them from getting eaten all the time I guess?”
I am slightly taken aback by her sudden enthusiasm, but her tale is interesting to say the least. “Go on.”
“Well the royal wizard, Meteor Trail was his name by the way, had these two apprentices. Starswhirl Lulamoon and Healing Touch. THEY were friends with a soldier and an assassin, and the cook and her apprentice in the castle. Meteor Trail got this idea that if he could find six ponies who perfectly displayed the um…tenants of harmony, then he could use a ritual to bind them together and make them crazy strong. Each of the six friends represented kindness, loyalty, honesty, generosity, laughter, and magic. Well the spell worked and now they were all really juiced up on friendship power or something. Meteor Trail said they were each in perfect harmony with themselves, and each other.”
Lulamoon? That is Trixie’s second name. Perhaps there is a relation? I will have to ask her. While fanciful and perhaps a touch childish her story only grew more fascinating as she went on. “And the Arms of Harmony?”
“Oh! Right well. The six got sent to deal with the dragons first. Along the way the wizards and warriors of the group were coming up with a battle plan. Then Sunshine, the cook’s apprentice who embodied laughter just wandered off on his own. He was sitting there SINGING to the dragons. It doesn’t say if it was magic singing or what, but he calmed them down and they all started to negotiate. Turned out dragons don’t like eating ponies, they wanted the gems they were always digging up.”
She stands now and crosses the room, filling the empty glass from the sink in the adjoining rest room. With a big drink she retakes her seat. “So now they’re all excited thinking their problems are gonna be solved without fighting. Turns out not all of their enemies just wanted some pretty rocks. The griffons straight up wanted to eat them and take their land so they had to fight. They chased off the griffons but only temporarily. Starswhirl decided that they needed to be properly armed against anyone not willing to settle things peacefully…so he crafted this.” She displays the shield and sword on her arm, Mercy she called it.
“He had each of his friends pick a weapon they were most comfortable with. Comet Streak, the soldier had this huge broadsword. The assassin Silent Step used a pair of curved swords. Sunshine picked the rapier, Abundance the cook a heavy war hammer, and Healing Touch a scepter…which I guess is some kinda like, little magic wand or something? Starswhirl picked this one himself.” She taps Mercy’s shield. “Using some fancy spell he put a small piece of their…their souls I think, It’s a little unclear, into each weapon. The weapons each got one of these little runes here, and got special abilities. They became nearly unbreakable and apparently they could channel their magic through them but I haven’t learned to do that yet.”
She takes a deep breath to continue. “Anyway, they used the weapons to chase off the griffons. But they knew that they couldn’t be at every border at once so they decided they needed help. They found some other ponies who’d fit into the group and using the spell extended their bond. Starswhirl made the new harmonious ponies weapons of their own. There ended up being thirteen of them. In the end they called themselves the Order of Harmony, and protected their fellow ponies for a really long time.”
She finally stops talking and I nod slowly. “What happened to the order?”
She shrugs. “I dunno. Luna said somepony showed up and forced them to split up. She won’t tell me anymore than that though. Says it’s dangerous knowledge or something.”
Not a very satisfying answer. Perhaps I will ask her directly later. “And the other Arms of Harmony? The other knights?”
She shrugs again. “Luna, Celestia, and Cadence each have one of the arms. Then my having Mercy makes four. The rest were lost I guess. Luna says she doesn’t know what happened to them and I believe her.”
Thirteen weapons of such unimaginable power. “And the Arms…they must choose their bearer? Like Mercy did with you?”
She nods. “Yeah. Back when the Order was around the knights would pick squires and train them to be ready to accept their weapon, and take their place in the Order. Each new bearer adds their own piece of themselves to the weapon and adds a new rune and power to it. I haven’t mastered all six of Mercy’s runes yet so I can’t add my own.”
“Thank you for telling me this. It is a very interesting story. One I think I will look into myself.” If I could call one of these weapons my own, perhaps it would be what I need against the lich. While he has been silent since our initial meeting I do not doubt he fully intends to go through with his promise of seeking my out. I suspect it is only through Luna’s intervention my rest has been so peaceful.
She fidgets with those fingers of hers again. “I ah…just wanted to say how sorry I am. For hurting you I mean. I really didn’t mean to slam you so hard. I’m still learning magic and I’m pretty terrible at it. I don’t have a lot of control y’know? And uh…I’m just glad you’re alright.”
Of everything she could say to me, an apology was certainly the furthest thing from my mind. I attacked her, badly harmed her friend and herself and now she is telling me she is sorry for hurting ME. I fear I will never understand how the minds of these surface ponies work. Though she is not native I can tell she is more of an Equestrian than I am. For now at least. Perhaps one day I too will be like the rest of them. I so wish to be.
She is staring at me. “I accept your apology Jennifer. And offer one of my own. Had I listened to my friends I doubt we would have come to blows at all. I hope you can forgive me.”
Now she is smiling. “I do. I talked to them last night, they’re nice. I can’t even be mad at Trixie anymore really. And Tak seems like a nice guy.”
“He is. They both mean very much to me.” She touches her bracelet and returns to her pony shape. I watch curiously. “I am not so good with magic either. I only know a few spells Trixie calls them. She tries to teach me but…”
She grins. “But it’s so boring right? Like there’s so much cooler stuff you’d rather be doing?”
I nod. “Yes. That is it exactly! I would much prefer to see a new city or try some new food than attempt to memorize complicated equations to recite in my head.”
She flares her wings to their full length. “I much prefer these babies to a horn. I mean hooves suck to try and hold stuff with but I can learn to do without hands or magic if it means I get to fly.”
I shift my gaze to the wings I keep tucked at my side; I never gave them much thought other than keeping them concealed. “Is it…truly such a wondrous experience?”
She looks sheepish. “Well I haven’t ACTUALLY flown with my OWN wings yet. Pinkie wouldn’t let me start learning til just a bit ago. I’m learning all about being a pegasus from one of her friends though. She taught me how to preen and care for my wings, and all sorts of neat stuff about wind currents and thermals and things like that.” She wrinkles her nose in confusion. “Haven’t you flown before? I mean you were born with wings right?”
“I was but I was…ashamed of them. My situation is complicated.”
“Tak told me. About the spiderkin and you looking kinda like a changeling?”
I nod. “Yes. The horn I could not hide but the wings are all but invisible unless I move them.” With considerable effort I force the one closest to her open. She gasps audibly.
“Your feathers look…pretty awful. I mean I’ve only been learning about them for a little bit but…wow.” She touches it gingerly with a hoof frowning some. “You should tell somepony about them. I mean you’re not living underground anymore, you should be learning to fly too. I’ve only done it from a chariot so far but…it’s pretty amazing.”
I let the wing snap closed against my side. “Perhaps I will. And…thank you for visiting me. This was a pleasant and very interesting conversation.”
She smiles warmly now. “It was. Maybe sometime you can tell me about your home yourself? It sounds like a really interesting place. I’m here every weekend.”
I nod. “I have a few tales I am sure you would find interesting. Perhaps we can make a bargain? I will tell you of the spiderkin and the tunnels beneath Equestria in exchange for tales of your own homeland. No doubt your world has its fair share of strange and interesting wonders. Even the mundane to you would likely be fascinating to me.”
She looks thoughtful. “Yeah I guess that’s true. Alright, you got yourself a deal. But uh…next weekend. I should get going; I got a train to catch soon.”
I nod again. “Next weekend then. I believe I will not be leaving anytime soon.”
“Alright then. Get well soon Umbra.”
She is gone and I am once more alone with my thoughts. Thoughts of the inhabitants of the surface. While I know there is darkness, the lich is clearly a great evil and Luna herself was once such a blight to these people…the majority of Equestria’s inhabitants are warm, kind, and caring. And oh so quick to forgive. If an apology is offered they accept without hesitation, eager to turn an enemy into a friend. Perhaps I should accept Luna’s apology.
…perhaps.