Billy hated it.
Hated to watch the ponies clean up their town for what was the third time this week, hated watching as tear filled eyes looked through the bodies for loved ones that hadn't made it through. He hated that he had been unable to save them, unable to help all the pones. He should have been able to save everypony. But what he hated most of all is that all this mess was his fault. If he had killed Erebus in their first fight, none of this would have happened, all these ponies would still be alive. Again Billy was forced to ask himself what was the best thing to do, kill the villians so that they never hurt again or allow them to live because it was right. And yet, even if he could go back to that moment again...he still wouldn't be able to do it, that just wasn't him.
Billy and the ponies had gone back to Applejack's farm after helping to clean up most of the town, Pinkie managing to set up a huge party in the barn in a matter of minutes. A punch bowl in the center, party music in the back and an assortment of goodies on the tables. They had invited all the ponies of the town, but not all of them had shown, which was understanable given the circumstances, even for Pinkie. Most of the ponies Billy had seen at least once before. The Apples were there, the CMC, a grey pegasus with funny eyes; all had come to pay their respects. In the barn, some of the ponies talked about the battle and how the city was doing, trying their best no to mention the casualty's. Applejack was talking to a group of ponies who had lost their homes, assuring them that they would be able to stay at her barn for awhile. Twilight was speaking with guards that the princesses had sent down to help repair the town again, telling them which areas needed them the most. And poor Pinkie was doing everything in her power to make all the ponies there laugh, despite not having much success. Most of the ponies though had gathered around the center of the barn, where Rainbow Dash was having the others remember the fallen and what happedend to Ponyville. All the while Billy sat in the corner, arms on his knees and face in his hands.
The guilt was crushing him. Once again he had been powerless to help those who needed it. He was vaguely aware that the CMC had come over to try and cheer him up, but their words of encouragment fell on deaf ears, he was too far gone into his own agony. After they had given up, Twilight and Spike had come over as well, trying the same thing. It had the same result. Twilight was a lot more stubborn than the girls and refused to leave Billy like this. She walked over to where Rainbow Dash was holding up her glass in a toast to the ponies that were gone, taking one for herself. She waited for Rainbow Dash to finish her toast to the fallen before Twilight held up her own glass and looked to Billy.
"And let's not forget our new friend Billy, who even in the face of overwhelming power still risked his own life to help save the lives of three little filles," she said with a proed smile, raising her glass to him. The other ponies voiced their agreements and raised their glasses to Billy as well. He hated it. He was no hero, no savior of others. Shazam had granted him his powers so that he could save everyone and he had failed him. He didn't deserve this toast, he didn't deserve to be praised. He stood up and slowly walked out of the barn, unable to make eye contact with any of the ponies, unable to look at their tears or show them his own. He was a failure, he had failed them.
Billy walked out into the cold night, no idea where he was going. The moon above offered him no comfort, as it seemed to mock him. He walked out into the apple trees, trying to ignore the pain he felt. He could handle it when cities were torn down while he was fighting evil, handle the loss of life somewhat better. At least in those instances he had been fighting, had been trying to protect everyone. Here...he could do nothing. He continued to walk until he reached a clear spot of land, devoid of tres or obstructions, just him and the moon. Billy laid down, crossing his arms and looking up to the sky.
"Shazam?" he asked, talking to the wizard instead of trying to access his powers. "Why did you choose me to be Captain Marvel? There were so many other people that could use those powers more than me. I'm...just a kid. I don't deserve to be a hero."
'Maybe he didn't just see a child, maybe he saw something more.' Billy sat up and turned to find the sliver mare sitting next to him, looking completely unreal under the glow of the moon.
"Can't you warn me before you do that?" Billy asked with a frown.
'I remember you saying something about not being a hero without your powers,' she continued, ignoring Billy's question. 'And yet you still risked your own life to make sure those three filly's escaped certain death. I would say that it was a courageous thing to do despite being...useless.'
"It doesn't matter!" Billy said with a growl, the rage from his failure surfacing. "I should have been able to save them all! That was the whole point in me being Captain Marvel! Being a hero who saved everyone, not just three." Much to Billy's surprise, the silver mare began laughing, an intresting sight considering her mouth didn't move. She chuckled to herself for a minute until she caught the angry look on Billy's face.
'I apologize, but I find it amusing when you say your sacrifice didn't matter,' she said with another chuckle. 'Where I come from, there aren't many ponies alive that would risk sacrificing themself to save another, even if they had your powers. And yet you, without any special powers, took on a pony of evil that was even stronger than when you first fought him.'
"Yeah? Well where I come from that sort of thing is common all the time," Billy said with a sad sigh. "I'm nothing special." The silver mare raised an eyebrow, not sure where all this was coming from. Billy always seemed so happy, so optimistic. Were his powers really that important to him?
'I'm not sure I understand. You are always so positive, even when terrible things happen to you. You remained positive when you were brought to a foreign land against your will, when you were attacked by those two villians that had nothing to do with you and even when asked about your tragic past. Why is this so different?'
"Why? Do you think it's easy remaining so positive all the time? Always trying to keep your hopes up even when your world is a terrible one? One of the reasons I could stay so positive was that no matter how bad things got, with a single word I could do something about it! But now...I can't do anything."
"That's not true." Billy spun around to find that Applebloom was standing behind him, a frown on her face.
"A-Applebloom? Uh, how long have you been standing there?" Billy asked with a nervous chuckle.
"Enough to hear ya talk to yerself about all yer problems," she replied, sitting down beside him. "Ya were talking to yerself, right?" Billy looked over at where the silver mare had been sitting, not surprised to find that she was gone.
"Yeah, I was talking to myself," he said without emotion, not believing his own lie. She didn't either, but she didn't call him out on it either. "So, did you come to insult me some more?" he asked with a bit of scorn.
"No, although ah should after that," Applebloom said with a huff. "Ah came over here to just say...thanks."
"For saving you from Erebus?" Billy asked.
"Yes...and from falling off that waterfall," Applebloom said carefully, watching for Billy's reaction. "And for saving our town. And from keeping the Cyclop's from stepping on us and then saving me again...Captain." She watched as Billy's eyes grew wide and he turned to look at her with disbelief in his eyes, not believing that she had figured it out. Applebloom's suspicions were confirmed and she let out a groan.
"Ugh, so you really are the angel? And here ah was hoping ah was wrong," she said with a frown. Billy still looked at her dumbfounded, not believing that she knew.
"How did...?"
"How did ah know?" she asked with a small chuckle. "Billy, yer not that sneaky. There was a number of reasons really. First is that the angel knew mah name despite us never being introduced. Second was that ya said shazam back when Erebus was attacking earlier and ah also noticed that's what the angel said. Third...he looks like a bigger you up close." Billy hated to admit it, but her reasoning was flawless. So flawless in fact that he wondered why the others hadn't seen through his disguise. Applebloom chuckled when he pointed that out.
"Spike and the girls probably either don't know or don't care. Twilight...as bright as she is she can be soooo thick sometimes," Applebloom said with an eye roll. Billy didn't bother to correct her about Spike. "The princesses haven't seen ya up close as Captain Marvel, as ya called yourself. Besides them, ah don't think anypony else has seen ya up close."
"Makes sense," Billy said with a shrug, crossing his legs and resting his head on his arms with a sigh.
"Why so glum?" she asked. "Ya didn't seem right at the party and then ah catch ya out here talking to yerself. What's wrong?"
"...I failed you and the others," he said after a minute. "I should have been able to do more, but I couldn't."
"Ah meant to ask about that, why didn't you transform into the angel when Erebus showed up again?"
"Because I couldn't. When the Cyclop's self-destructed, his magical energies did something to me that cut off my powers," Billy said with another sigh, the hatred of failing resurfacing. "I couldn't do anything to help. I'm useless." And then just as the silver mare had done earlier, Applebloom began to laugh at him. He glared at her, upset that she was the second pony to make light of his emotions that day.
"Sorry," she said with a chuckle. "Ah just can't believe that ya think that yer wortheless, especially after all ya done for us."
"Like fail you when you needed me most?" Billy asked in a dry tone. Applebloom let out another sigh and rolled her eyes.
"Nooo, more like saving us when we needed it, being a friend for me and the girls, and fer the most part sacrificing yerself for the sake of others," she explained. "And...well...the angel was mah hero and since yer him, ah guess that makes ya mah hero too. That's what ya mean to me." Billy wasn't sure what to say to that. This pony hadn't been the nicest of ponies to him. Heck, he thought that she loathed him entirely. But here he was, listening to her tell him that he, well, Captain Marvel, was her hero. But as if that wasn't surprising enough, her next question caught him completely off guard.
"Um, if ya don't mind me asking, why did ya save me?"
"Excuse me?" Billy asked, picking his head off his arms to look at her funny.
"Well...ah've been a jerk to ya ever since ya got here," she said hesitantly, hanging her head slightly. "Ah'm not proud to admit it, but ah've been a bully. And yet ya still saved me? Why?" Now it was Billy's turn to have a laugh at her expense.
"I saved you because you needed help," he said with a smile." I don't care that you were a little mean, you're still my friend and I would still help you even if you weren't. That's what you mean to me." Because of the darkness, Billy didn't notice that Applebloom's face turned slightly red. "That reminds me, I still owe you an apology."
"How many times do ah have to tell ya, ah don't want it," she said quickly, cutting him off and deciding to change the subject. "So, how do ya get yer powers back?"
"I don't know. This odd mare said that I need to discover the truest magic if I want my powers back, although I have no idea what she's talking about," Billy said with a exasperated sigh. "I was thinking of going through some of the books in the library tomorrow to look for this magic." Applebloom placed a hoof under her chin and tried to think of what the ultimate magic was. Then her face lit up with excitement when she thought of a way to not only help Billy, but maybe earn her cutie mark in the process.
"Ah know! Me and the girls can come over and help ya to get yer powers back." Billy's first instinct to say no. He had seen what those three did together when they tried to "help". His second instinct was also to say no, since he didn't like others helping him with his problems. But Applebloom was far to stubborn for him to handle.
"We're helping wheter or not ya want us to," she said with an evil grin. "We'll be at Twilight's tree in the morning. Now come on, let's get back to the barn." She hopped up and started to walk off in towards the barn. Billy watched her go with a confused look, but also with a small smile. He didn't want their help, but it was still nice to have others that cared about his well being. And she was right, he had done good today, he had saved lives. Maybe not as many as he was used to, but he had still helped. He realized that the owed Applebloom for that talk, for reminding him that he didn't need to be super to be a hero. He guessed that he would have to put up with them in the morning, but only as a way to thank her. He stood up as well and followed her, feeling slightly better than he had been for a while.
{S}
Back at the farm house, all of the pony goers had left, leaving only the Twilight, Billy and the rest of the Apple family. Applebloom and Billy had shown up in time for dinner, leaving the two of them to help set the table for the family and their guests. While setting the table, Billy and Applebloom didn't talk, but the air had definatly changed between them and for the better. Despite the change, the atmosphere in the house was grim, each of the ponies and human thinking about the days events and the lives lost. Twilight had filed out a report to Celestia informing her of what had happened while Applejackhad already helped the family's in need into the barn for the night. Once the food was ready and the table set, the group gathered around for what they hoped would be a normal dinner.
"Ah can't believe that our home was attacked again," Granny Smith said with a sigh. Not touching the food on her plate.
"Well, Erebus was a lot more powerful this time. It was a miricle that we won at all," Twilight tried to explain. "But there are a few things that don't add up for me. Where was Captain Marvel during all this? He said that he would help whenever we needed it." Twilight wasn't looking at Billy, who was trying his best not to look like he was going to throw up. Applebloom did notice and stepped up for him.
"Unless ah'm mistaken, ya told him that he was considered a criminal and that he would be arrested on sight," Applebloom said matter of factly, giving a look to Twilight. Twilight's face turned red as she realized that she had said that and tried to recover.
"W-well that might be true, but he should still help," she said with a slight blush. Applebloom winked to Billy as Twilight stammered on. "What I also want to know is who powered up Erebus. He was pratically dead when Captain Marvel was done with him, but then he comes back stronger than ever. Who gave Erebus these powers? And do we have another enemy that wants to destroy us?"
"Sugarcube, we've had so many foes try to do us in that ah wouldn't besurprised if it was all of them together," Applejack said with a slight chuckle, thinking back on past battles. "We've done a lot of damage to the forces of evil over the years."
"Well, how about you name off the villains you have faced and try to think of which would be the most likely?" Billy suggested, finally coming up from under the table. "That's what I would do." Twilight thought about that, naming as many villians as she could.
"Well, Chrysalis is the most recent villian we've defeated, so she won't try anything soon. It could be Sombra, but I'm fairly certain he was destroyed when the Crystal Heart was returned."
"Don't pratice what ya preach, huh?" Applebloom said just loud enough so that they could all hear. Applejack shot her a look while Billy felt grateful for her coming to his defense. "What about Discord? Wasn't he one of yer villians?"
"For a while, but Fluttershy managed to turn him good. And besides, this isn't his way of doing things." Billy had no idea who any of these ponies were, but if Twilight didn't like them then they must be bad news. After he had tried some of Applejack's delicious cooking, the talks drifted to conversations where Billy was asked questions about his family and home, to which he responded with his usual parents killed and uncle abandoning him story. It still hurt to tell it, Billy beginning to lose himself in the memory. His parents funeral, his uncle screaming and kicking him out on the streets, the cold nights that almost took his life. As Billy told more about his past, the more he became lost in it.
"Wht that no good, yellow bellied varmit! If he were here, ah'd thrash his hide until he begged for mercy!" Granny Smith said with cold rage when she heard of Billy's relative, her raw emotion snapping Bily out of his trance. Family was the core of Granny Smith's being and when she heard of how Billy was treated it caused her blood to boil. While Big Mac tried to calm her down, Applejack stood up and walked over to Billy to comfort the child.
"Billy...ah had no idea about yer family or yer past. Ah'm sorry."
"Thanks, but I got over it a while ago," Billy said with a small smile. "And don't bother apologizing for uncle, I'm better off not having family like him anyway."
"That's a lie, Billy, no pony's better without family. But if it makes ya feel any better, we consider you family," Applejack said with a warm smile, placing a comforting hoof on his shoulder. Billy looked up at her completely shocked, with no idea how to respond to that.
"R-really? Why?" he asked.
"Heh, you've done a lot fer me and mah family in the past few days. Being a friend fer Applebloom is as good a reason as an to be part of the family, but when ya go and save her life...heck, that makes ya more than family. It pratically makes ya one of us. If ya ever need a place to stay, yer always welcome here." Billy looked up into Applejack's smile, fighting back the torrent of emotions that were welling up in him. He couldn't believe what she was saying, that she had accepted him into their family. He had never had a real family, the Justice League was the closet thing he had to family. This...was something he had never expected.
"You mean it?" he asked in a small whisper.
"Of course!" Applebloom said with a smile, moving over to him. "Ya not only saved mah life, but mah friends as well! Plus," she whispered into his ear. "The angel is also welcomed into the family, if ya ever want to tell them about him."
"Not now," Billy whispered back, trying to avoid the looks Twilight and Applejack were giving him. Applebloom shrugged and backed off, while Twilight looked out the window to see that it was almost midnight.
"Alright, that's long enough, we'd better be getting home," Twilight said to Billy. "We don't want Spike to think that something else happened to us on the way home." Billy stood up and followed Twilight to the door as Applebloom reminded him of what tomorrow would bring.
"Bye Billy! Remember that we'll be coming over tomorrow!" she yelled after him. He responded with a soft wave to the Apple family, the family that had accepted him. As he followed Twilight out of the house and down the road to the library, his mind was trying to process what had just happened. Some one had finally accepted him, finally gave him a place to call home. His heart had felt weird when Applejack had said that, almost...almost like the hole in his heart was starting to heal. But he would always feel the pain of his own parents death, the pain of his uncle leaving him. It was one of those pains that never healed.
He walked in silence with his head hung in thought about his family, not paying to much attention to Twilight's attempt to make small talk. She gave him a sorrowful look and eventually gave up, walking in silence as they walked through the deserted streets of Ponyville, all of the ponies either asleep or taking refuge elseware. They finally reached the library, the only structure in this part of town that remaind un-scathed by the battles and destruction, though Billy assumed that some of Twilight's magic had something to do with that.
"Well, we're here," Twilight said, breaking the silence. Billy only nodded in response, walking past Twilight and through the door of the library without a word. Twilight watched him go with a sad look, knowing that he was thinking about the parents he never knew and the family that he had been rejected by.
"How do you do it, Billy?" she whispered to herself as she watched him climb the stairs to the bedroom. "How do you deal with all the pain of loss and rejection for one so young? What keeps you going? And...how can I help you?" Twilight looked up to the sky, always seeming to draw inspiration from them. She knew that Billy was hiding something, something that he was afraid to admit, but she just didn't know what. And as friendly as he seemed, she knew that he was suffering on the inside, hurting with a pain that few ponies knew about. It made her sad to watch the intelligent and positive youth suffer from this pain, but what made her heart ache the most was that he never asked for help or comfort, that he tried to deal with all this by himself. Twilight looked to the stars again and with a fierce look of determination made a vow upon them.
"I promise this on the stars of Luna's night. I promise that I will do all I can to help Billy heal, to give him a place where he belongs. And to Hades with me if I fail." Her oath echoed throughout the night as Twilight walked into her house, walking up the stairs to find both Billy and Spike asleep in their respective beds. She looked at them both softly, making a note to spend more time with both if them tomorrow. She pulled out a second bed and laid down in it, taking one last look at the two sleeping children before she closed her eyes, promising that tomorrow would be different.