The Misadventures of Razor and Daedalus
A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
By RazortheAwesome and DaedaltheusXIV
DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fanbased work of prose. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is the property of Hasbro, and the reinvention of Lauren Faust. No copyright infringement is intended, please support the official release.
Chapter 1
It was a perfect day in Equestria, so perfect in fact, that nopony would dispute just how perfect it was. Celestia’s sun shone brightly in the sky, not a spare cloud was to be seen, the birds were chirping where there were birds, and royal business of all kinds was conducted in Canterlot. The Pegasi of Cloudsdale made rainbows and all kinds of weather, the ponies in the great city of Fillydelphia had just finished recovering from a recent fire, and in the quiet little town of Ponyville, a tan Pegasus and a dark grey unicorn could be seen walking through the quiet little town’s busy streets.
“Ah do you smell that, Daedalus? Do you feel that?” said Razor after he took in a large breath of fresh air.
“It feels like this is sixth town that I’ve had to move to because of you,” replied Daedalus. “Remind me why I still let you live with me?”
“That, Daedalus,” said Razor with his head held high, and ignoring Daedalus’ question. “Is the smell and feeling of opportunity. New town, new ponies, it’s not like the city at all. Come on Daedalus, when new opportunities like this come by you gotta take em when you see em.”
“All I see are a bunch of fine pieces of architecture that I now feel sorry for because they have to share the space this town occupies with you. And I now feel sorry for the ponies that live in this town as well for the same reason.” Razor just silently laughed to himself a bit upon hearing Daedalus say that.
“Oh come on, Daedalus, don’t think like that. I’m sure the ponies in this town are really nice.” No sooner had Razor said those words, a pink earth pony with impossibly curly and impossibly poufy hair bounced towards them in the opposite direction. The smile on her face was one that could fill the void of any emotions that wasn’t overwhelming joy or happiness. She also hummed a light tune to herself as she went. As she approached Razor and Daedalus, she stopped right in front of them.
“Hi,” Razor said to her as she stopped in front of them, her eyes wide open as if waiting for something. “I’m Mehrunes Razor and this is my friend Daedalus. We just moved into town.” The second those words left Razor’s mouth, the pink pony suddenly jumped up into the air with a speed that would have rivaled that of the fastest Wonderbolt. While still in mid air, her mouth shot open impossibly wide and her tail almost seemed to straighten itself out as she let out a loud “GASP” and then suddenly took off in the direction she had been previously going. Razor and Daedalus just stared blankly up at where she previously had been less than one second earlier, both equally confused.
“Oh good, I see that the local asylum has a rotating door policy,” said Daedalus as he watched what was left of the pink streak the pinky pony left in her wake disappear before his and Razor’s eyes.
“Are you still upset because I...” Razor began to ask.
“Yes,” Daedalus replied without even giving Razor the chance to say another word. At that, Razor just let out an audible sigh as he regained his cheerful composure.
“Okay.... Well... I’m sure there are other ponies around who are nice.”
“We can only hope.”
“Atta boy, Daedalus,” Razor said as he put his hoof around Daedalus’ neck. Daedalus didn’t even flinch as he did. “Now come on,” Razor said as he got off him and began to move on ahead of him. “We still got a lot more...” Before Razor even took three more steps forward, he was suddenly cut off by the sudden crashing thud of him running into another pony. Daedalus could only roll his eyes and let out a sigh even more audible than Razor’s as he walked over towards his fallen roommate.
Razor had just gotten back onto his feet as Daedalus walked up. His eyes were spinning slightly, but after a quick shake of his head, he was all right.
“I’m so sorry,” Razor blurted out. “I just wasn’t paying attention to where I was going and I...” Suddenly, Razor stopped dead in his tracks, as he was certain that his heart had stopped beating. His eyes widened to the size of the houses around him and found that he was unable to formulate any coherent phrases to the unicorn standing before him.
In front of him, just getting to her hooves stood a lavender unicorn mare. Her eyes were a shade of dark purple that complemented her lavender coat, and her mane and tale were shades of a nightly dark violet and both had one pinkish-magenta stripe of hair running through them as well as a purple one right next to it that matched the color of her eyes. Her cutie mark resembled a magenta colored six-point star that was surrounded by even smaller white colored six point stars.
Before Razor, he witnessed the rest of the world fade into a sort of rose tinted fog as the unicorn before him became ever clearer to his eyes. The look of her mane, the sort of twinkle to her eyes, and the way she batted her eyelashes made Razor's heart seem to literally stop and stare lustfully at her. For all he cared the remainder of the world could have just fallen away into obscurity or Tartarus, blown to kingdom come in some abysmal apocalypse for all he saw was her. To Daedalus, who now stood just three feet to the left of the now stunned and silent Razor, all he saw was a lavender unicorn.
“I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry!” The lavender unicorn said to Razor as she got to her feet. If Razor’s heart hadn’t stopped already, then the sound of her voice had definitely done it for him. To her left was a pair of fallen saddle bags and in front of her on the ground was a simple book “I was so focused on my book that I didn’t pay attention to where I was going and I...”
“I... I... I...” was all Razor could say back to her. Confused, the lavender unicorn paused for a moment because before her, the dark unicorn just simply stood there, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape. She just looked at him for a moment, studying his expression and his look, pondering over again and again exactly what might be the matter with this unicorn. Paralysis, maybe. Acute Heart Attack, probably not. Frozen in time, well more likely a shot in the dark if you ask her. The list went on and on until finally, she waved a hoof in front of his face, to which the other just simply stared back, the movement of his pupils barely following the movement of the lavender hoof.
“Are you okay?” she asked him, now slightly worried.
“I... I... I...” Was all Razor continued to say before Daedalus suddenly kicked him in the side with his rear right leg. “Nice weather we’re having today, aren’t we!” Razor suddenly yelled the moment Daedalus’ leg hit him.
“Okay...” was all she could say to him, looking all the more confused before Daedalus stepped forward.
“You okay Twilight?” said another much younger, male voice. Behind the lavender unicorn, a tiny purple dragon with green scales got to his feet, having evidently been thrown onto his back when Twilight fell as if he was riding her, which wasn’t impossible given his size. Thought Razor didn’t seem to notice him at all, rather, all he did notice of him was what he said.
“I’m all right Spike thanks for asking,” Twilight said to him as he walked around to her side.
“Twi... light...” was all Razor could say.
“Who’re these two weirdoes?” Spike asked as he looked up at Razor and Daedalus.
“Spike!” Twilight said to him as she lightly kicked him in the arm with her back hoof. He winced in pain for a moment as she hit him. “I apologize for him, he’s... young,” Twilight said, smiling sheepishly at them. The baby dragon just glared up at her and rubbed his arm where he’d been hit. If her looks, her voice, or her name weren’t able to stop Razor’s heart, then the sheepish looking smile she gave him did just that.
"Not to worry,” Daedalus said to her as if to extinguish all hard feelings. That said, Twilight looked over the two of them one more time before her mind came to a sudden conclusion.
“You’re not from around here are you?” she asked the two of them.
“Nope. We just moved into town,” Daedalus replied.
“Oh. Well, it’s nice to meet you,” Twilight said to them, her previous anxiety gone. “I’m Twilight Sparkle,” she said as she extended her right forehoof to them. Suddenly and without warning, Razor suddenly shot both his forehooves forward and grabbed hers.
“Mehrunes Dagon Razor at your service,” said Razor to her as he shook her hoof with probably more force than he needed to. He let go of her after about a second, and Twilight just calmly and innocently laughed to herself as she put her hoof back down. It reminded her of when she first met an earth pony friend of hers and she wouldn’t stop shaking her hoof until it was moving on its own. While it wasn’t at all the same, it did remind her of that.
“I must apologize for my roommate," Daedalus said, "he's a bit," he looked over Razor, "out of it at the moment.” Razor quickly shot a glare that almost screamed death at Daedalus as he said that before he instantly turned his attention back to Twilight.
“It’s all right,” replied Twilight, knowing full well the position Daedalus must have found himself in. If only she knew. “And you are?” she asked him.
“I am Daedalus the Thirteenth,” he said to her.
“The thirteenth?”
“I come from a long line of ponies named Daedalus. My father was named Daedalus, and his father before him, stretching back for twelve generations.” Daedalus replied.
“Oh... Of course,” said Twilight in response as she laughed to herself again, slightly embarrassed for missing something so obvious. No sooner had she felt that embarrassment, the sudden feeling of something heavy being thrust onto her back snapped her out of it. She looked over to see that Spike, who had been busy gathering up her saddlebags during that whole conversation, had placed them back on her.
“Ahem,” Spike coughed to himself as he looked up at her as if to say, “What about me?”
“Oh,” Twilight said as she instantly knew what he was trying to say. “And this is my assistant Spike.” She said as she put her right hoof around him.
“Well, I do believe that I have not had the pleasure of introducing myself to a dragon before,” Daedalus said as he turned his attention to the little dragon. “It’s nice to meet you,” he said to him as he bowed his head a little.
“Yeah, same here,” said Razor. “I don’t think I’ve ever met a dragon that wasn’t trying to swallow me whole.” The second he said that, Daedalus kicked him in the side again. After a second, he continued. “Actually I don’t think I’ve ever met a dragon... Ever.” The little dragon’s attitude seemed to perk up as he saw Razor get kicked, as he laughed to himself for a moment before extending his right hand.
“It’s okay I get that a lot,” said Spike as he rubbed the back of his head with his left claw.
“So...” Twilight began to say as she rubbed the back of her head with her hoof as if to copy him. “If it’s not too much trouble...” Razor leaned in closer as she spoke. Daedalus just discreetly rolled his eyes as he did. “Do you need somepony to show you around the town?” Twilight asked, still smiling sheepishly.
“Oh no, that’s not...” Daedalus began to say before he was cut off by Razor.
“That sounds great thank you very much!” Razor practically shouted as he put on practically the widest possible grin he could on his dumb face. Daedalus just rolled his eyes and sighed yet again, he could swear he would go dizzy if this kept up.
“Well, I’m not doing anything else right now,” Daedalus just said, as he could tell exactly what was going on.
“Great,” Twilight said as a magenta aura surrounded her horn and saddlebags, which she then lifted off herself and handed to Spike. “Spike...” she said as she handed them to him. “Take these back to the library. I’ll be there after I’m done.”
“Uh... Twilight,” Spike said to her, looking somewhat concerned. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? I mean we still have to...”
“Spike,” she began to speak as if she were about to lecture a child, which he very well was. “They’re new to Ponyville so somepony has to show them around.”
“Yeah, but why do you have to...” replied Spike, not entirely convinced. Twilight didn’t say anything to him but instead shot him look of frustration, the way a parent would look at a stubborn child. It was at that point that Spike leaned in close so no one could hear and whispered to her “For all we know these two could be raging psychopaths wondering from town to town doing Celestia knows what to ponies..." He glanced back to see Daedalus wave a hoof as if to say 'hi', Razor didn’t even seem to be looking at him, "Or dragons."
“Spike,” Twilight said, trying, like him, to be as discreetly as possible so as not to attract attention from other ponies much less the two of them. “I’m sure they aren’t like that at all, and I’m definitely sure they aren’t dragons,” she said as she quickly looked back at them, Razor’s eyes were still on her and that dumb look was still on his face. “They’re new in town so we have to be chivalrous,” she said as she turned her attention back to the baby dragon.
“Yeah, but...” Spike tried to reply before he was cut off by Twilight.
“Spike...” Twilight said to him, really stressing the last part of his name as she practically glared at him. It was a look that suggested the phrase “Shut up and do what I say” without actually saying it.
“All right fine,” Spike said to her in a manner that suggested sarcasm as he turned 180 degrees and started to head back in the direction from whence the two of them came. As he watched him walk away, Daedalus thought he could see something familiar in the little dragon, though he couldn’t quite place his hoof on it. After he was a few feet away from them, Spike looked back at the two of them, though more specifically, at Razor. He looked back at Razor and saw that his attention wasn’t at all on him, but at Twilight with a look he wasn’t at all unfamiliar with. He didn’t say anything though as he turned back around to pay attention to where he was going, lest he end up like Twilight and Razor did just moments ago. With him gone, Twilight turned her attention back to face them.
“So...” she said to Razor and Daedalus as she turned around to face them. “Shall we...”
“Lead the way,” Razor replied before she could say anything else. With that, she turned around and headed down the street farther into the town. Daedalus just let out another loud sigh as they left.
Twilight took them around most of the town and showed them many of the places of interest in the town, including the town square and part of the Whitetail Woods where they had their annual running of the leaves, which wouldn’t be needed for quite a while. Both Daedalus, and surprisingly Razor, listened to what she had to say and enjoyed her almost encyclopedic knowledge of the town. It was almost too encyclopedic.
Somehow, in the midst of it all, the three of them found themselves in the market street. Since it was in fact a market day, ponies and stands of all kinds practically littered the streets. There were so many stands with so many different kinds of food being sold that they couldn’t possibly keep track of all of them. Not only that, but the prices they were selling their products for were mind blowingly cheaper than either Razor or Daedalus were used to in the city. If nothing else, at least Daedalus now knew where to come to buy weekly groceries.
“Twilight!”
The sound of someone calling out to them caught them off guard for a moment. The three of them looked over to see an orange earth pony with a blonde mane and tail wearing a brown Stetson hat running an apple stand waving at them. Seeming happy to see her, Twilight trotted over towards her, and Razor and Daedalus, not knowing what else to do, followed her. “Why howdy Twi,” the earth pony said to her as she approached. “What brings yah back this way? You forget somethin’?” She spoke with a sort of southern dialect that neither Razor nor Daedalus had heard before. Somehow, Daedalus guessed that Twilight had just come from here.
“No, not really,” Twilight said to her. “I’m just showing these two around Ponyville,” she continued as she motioned to the two ponies behind her. The earth pony looked behind Twilight to see Razor and Daedalus standing there. “They just moved to Ponyville so I’m showing them around.”
“Why that’s mighty kind of ya Twi,” the earth pony said to her as Twilight turned around and stepped aside so she could step forward to meet them.
“Applejack...” said Twilight to her. “Meet Daedalus the thirteenth and...” she paused a moment before she could say anymore. “May... runes... Razor?”
“Just call me Razor,” Razor said to her, not at all disturbed by the fact that she had botched his first name. “Everypony else does.”
“Oh,” Twilight said, now slightly embarrassed. “Sorry.”
“Oh don’t worry about it,” replied Razor keeping his smile on his face.
“Well, it’s a mighty fine pleasure to make your acquaintance,” the earth pony said to the two of them. “Mah name’s Applejack, the owner and caretaker of Sweet Apple Acres.”
“Hi,” Daedalus said, extending a friendly hoof to shake. The earth pony took a hold of it and prepared to shake it with great ferocity and vigor, but when she tried, it barely moved. Applejack wasn’t entirely sure if she should be shocked by this, but then again, he was only slightly shorter than her brother was. She let go of his hoof after a moment and turned her attention over towards Razor, who just smiled plainly at her. She extended a friendly hoof to him as well, and much to her relief, when she shook his hoof it actually moved.
“I like your accent,” Razor said to her as she shook his hoof. “I don’t think I’ve ever met somepony who talked quite like you did. Makes you sound cuter than you already are.”
“Why, thank yah kindly,” Applejack said to him as she let go of his hoof, her face lighting up red a little, as she looked away from him and chuckled lightly to herself.
“Wait, you’ve never met anypony who talked like Applejack?” Twilight asked, slightly surprised.
“Really from where we've lived, we have never had the chance to meet anypony that spoke with a southern or remotely similar accent,” Daedalus replied.
“Really, well where have ya’ll lived before?” Applejack asked, now curious.
“Well, we've most recently moved from Fillydelphia after an,” he paused for a second before clearing his throat, “accident. Before that, we lived in Baltimare, and before that Seaddle, Coltorado Springs, and the first place in which we lived was Canterlot.”
“You used to live in Canterlot!” Twilight said, now suddenly interested.
“Yeah,” Razor said to her in response. “Yep, both of us were born and raised there.”
“Well, we did years ago before we left for bigger, better and brighter things, but yes, we once lived in Canterlot. So?”
“So!” Twilight said, suddenly more invested. “I used to live in Canterlot.”
“Really,” replied Razor. “That’s awesome.”
“Neat,” was all Daedalus could say. Suddenly, Twilight felt herself more drawn to these two, and she found herself compelled to learn more about them.
“Well, if ya’ll ever need some fresh apples come on by. We’re always open,” Applejack said to them.
“Thanks, we will,” Razor said to her. Applejack felt herself blush a little again as he spoke to her.
“Will do,” Daedalus said.
“Well, we better get going. It was good seeing you Applejack,” Twilight said.
“You too, Twi. Well, I guess I’ll be seein’ ya’ll around,” replied Applejack as she turned to face Razor and Daedalus.
“Yeah I guess we will,” said Razor as he and Daedalus turned to leave.
“Bye,” said Daedalus as he, Razor and Twilight trotted off back into town.
“Hold on, fellas!” Applejack called out to them forcing them to turn back to face her. From the basket nearest her, she withdrew two apples and tossed them to the three ponies standing at the entrance to her stand. Twilight's horn lit up in a brilliant mauve to catch the first apple while Razor's horn lit up in an emerald green to catch the second. However, before she could react, she found the apple aimed closest to her was caught in an emerald glow as well and floated down towards Razor. He smiled briefly as she looked him over and with a light chuckle, he brought one of the apples towards him and passed the second apple onto Daedalus. “Free samples!” Applejack called out to them as she got back behind her apple stand.
“Thank you!” Razor yelled back at her as he held up his apple with his magic.
“Thanks, darling,” said Daedalus as he tucked the apple under his wing. Applejack just smiled back at them as they all turned to leave. As they walked away, Razor brought the apple to his mouth and took a bite. His face suddenly lit up as he tasted what he was sure was the sweetest apple he’d ever tasted in his life.
“Mmm... Juicy,” was all he could say before he took another bite. Neither Twilight nor Daedalus said anything as they kept going.
After about two minutes, the three of them found themselves back in Ponyville proper. Twilight was in front of both of them leading the way and pointing out buildings and spots of interests of all kinds while Razor and Daedalus only slightly behind her with Razor to her right and Daedalus to her left. While this particular fact wasn’t at all important now, it would be, and shockingly soon as well.
END PART 1