“I hope you rot, ‘detective’!” the mare screamed behind her as she stormed out of a small building.
The building was cheap, made of bland concrete, and without a single window. Nothing, but a small, wood door decorated the exterior. The fact that somepony once called the door a decoration spoke to how drab the place was.
But the ponies inside didn’t share that dullness. Only a ‘colourful’ stallion pegasus would chase a screaming mare out of the door and throw a giant file at her. He chucked it square at the back of her head and dropped her to the ground.
“There’s all your stuff. Lord, am I glad to get rid of you! So blind you couldn’t find a bloody knife in the Royal Throne Room! Get out of here you useless rut!” he shouted after her.
The mare cursed, picking up the hefty file and galloping away. She didn’t stop screaming vulgarities until she was clear out of earshot. The pegasus smirked.
A unicorn cantered up behind him and sighed.
“That’s the third one this week. You really need to stop abusing your assistants.”
“I can’t offer critique on my own assistant now? What has the world come to?”
“You called her a boring, blind, terrible, disgrace of a detective who couldn’t find a needle in a needle factory,” he scratched his chin. “Oh, I forgot. Then you looked at her findings, spat on them, ripped them to pieces and threw them at her.” He raised his eyebrow and poked him. “That isn’t critique.
“They didn’t offer anything! We knew it all already! Ponies are vanishing left and right and we are left in the dust every single time. I don’t understand it,” he growled.
“Now isn’t the time to think about that. You got a meeting with the Princess’ today, remember?”
“Of course I do!” he said combing his blonde mane over in a sheen. “Drat, I need another assistant or Celestia will give me another speech on how important friendship is…I’ll see you later! Clean up the office will you? The CI:7 can’t work in a dump!” The pegasus shook his mane and scanned the skies before taking off.
“Damn you Façade! You make everything a mess in there!” the unicorn said, shaking his hoof at him.
Façade just laughed. As he flew towards the palace he scanned the ground for anything remotely interesting. He quickly found it in the form of a teenage dragon wandering the streets of Canterlot. His purple scales shimmered in the bright daylight, his scales slumped slightly as he kicked at rocks and cans in his way, bumping into ponies repeatedly. “Well, well…I better check this out,” he muttered. Suddenly this dragon was far more important that some silly meeting with the princess. He floated down in front of the dragon and stuck out his hoofs.
“Why hello there!”
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Spike was having a bad day. After Twilight left him to unpack in the apartment, alone she apologized for leaving him, but insisted, ‘The invitation strictly called for me Spike and I can’t bring a guest along! Think of the chaos!’. After unpacking the loads of books and materials that his friend had brought along, he sat around and waited for her to return.
Soon he grew tired of that and left the apartment only to find that Canterlot wasn’t a ‘dragon’s’ city. He had no bits and everypony kept giving him nasty looks. And now this Pegasus landed in front of him, bothering him with friendly greetings. This day could not possibly get any worse.
“What do you want?” Spike grumbled. “I’ve got things to do.”
“It seems so. That’s why you’ve been walking around Canterlot aimlessly for a while,” Façade commented casually.
“What? How do you know that? Have you been watching me?”
He snorted and rolled his eyes.
“Oh please, I would never stoop to stalking someone! How droll. No, there is a light coating of ash on your scales which means you’ve been to the east side of Canterlot, but you haven’t coughed once since I’ve been talking to you so that means you didn’t stay long. You smell distinctly of perfume which means you’ve been recently walking through the crowded streets of west side Canterlot for a bit. You don’t have the decency to dress yourself nor do you seem to stick your head up everywhere you go, so you can’t have been here too long. That means you’ve been up to nothing besides walking around!”
Spike’s eyes twitched and as he contemplated his counter, but inevitably fell right into Façade’s trap.
“And what if I have a lot of business around all of Canterlot and you are impeding my ability to get to where I need to be?”
He smiled sweetly before launching into another explanation.
“Also impossible, for your hands are evenly coated with ash as the rest of your body. That means you can’t have handled anything in the east side of Canterlot. The fact that you didn’t do anything in the east side makes it obvious you aren’t doing anything over here, for nopony wastes time in Canterlot!...Well anypony that isn’t any fun. Now, how was that?” He smiled smugly at the taller dragon.
Spike narrowed his eyes skeptically at the pegasus. He wasn’t sure what to make of a pony whose observational skills surpassed that of his OCD caretaker.
“Alright…you have my attention. What do you want?”
“I need an assistant! And by that distinct, darkened area on the tip of your claws, I’d assume you write a lot! Your eyes should be sharp and I bet since your scales shine quite well, even underneath that coating of dust which means that you scrub them vigorously, so I've come to the conclusion either you or someone you live with is a little OCD!”
“Which means you’ll be able to spot oddities in this perfectly normal city.” He stuck out his hoof and wrapped it around Spike’s arm, taking took him on a stroll towards the castle. “You’ll love your new job! Better than the eight who came before you for sure!”
“Whoa! I can’t just go running off! I have things to do!”
“I thought we already established that you don’t,” He said exasperated.
“Well…”
“Fine, I have one more trick to show you.” The pegasus stopped and turned around, looking deep into Spike’s eyes. In a moment he began to speak and Spike’s world stopped.
The voice that flowed out of his mouth was one of a god that not even Celestia’s voice could compare to. It was beyond his level of comprehension, the musical and magical voice that was directed towards him. He couldn’t resist the single command that it spoke over and over. He needed to do this. It was his destiny. He had to go to the Canterlot Palace with this Pegasus. Façade looked over the dragon to make sure he was properly hypnotized and smiled.
“Well excellent! My new assistant! My name’s Façade! I’ll learn your’s once you snap out of it,” he chuckled in good spirit as they waltzed along towards the palace with his new, drooling assistant wandering after him.
This truly wasn’t a good day for Spike.
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He walked into the Throne Room, smiling cheerfully at the two princesses’. Only Celestia returned his deposition. “Hello, Princesses. You called?” he chimed. Spike slowly dragged himself in behind Façade.
“About twenty minutes ago...” Luna murmured, glaring at Facade before spotting Spike. She blinked and turned to Celestia. “Sister?”
“I’ll get to it…So Façade…Why do you have Twilight Sparkle’s dragon hypnotized and following you around?”
Façade laughed and poked Spike.
"Is that his name? Well, he's following me because I need a new assistant, and I've found him to be worthy."
“Then I shall ask Twilight for her permission to borrow Spike for now. Now, is there anything new on the case? Have you figured anything out at all?” Celestia asked, guiltily eyeing Spike as she thrusted him into being the assistant of Facade.
Façade sighed and shook his head, his smile replaced with a grimace.
“No. I’ve not found a single thing. I can’t find any evidence pointing to anything… But it would help if you started trusting me and gave me a first look at the scene. I can’t find the small traces if the Royal Guard have stomped out every single piece!”
Luna growled and slammed her hoof on the throne.
“Trust you? You’ve done nothing but demand more and more from us! And for what? Nothing. Ponies keep vanishing and ponies are starting to panic,” Luna rose and approached Façade. He stood his ground though. “What are you doing that is keeping our ponies safe from harm?”
“Everything I can,” he responded simply. “I took this job because I care for everypony. And I will capture this fiend in any way I can. But this pony is smart. He covers his tracks well. You must believe in me Princess Luna. Without your help I can’t win this battle. I need your trust.”
“What have you done to earn it?” she demanded.
“I volunteered for this job. I swore the oath didn’t I? To serve the Throne whenever I am called upon. Here I am now.”
Luna sighed and backed away from him as Celestia rose, walking to her sister’s side.
“We do trust you Façade. We are understandably distraught about the disappearances, but I have full faith you will be able to do something about them.” Both Façade and Luna nodded their heads. Meanwhile Spike’s drool had nearly covered his entire chin.
“Now, we’ve received news that another pony has been kidnapped,” Celestia began to explain. “Same thing as before. Mare, no children, married and young. A butler reported her missing after she didn’t return to the home after three days.”
Luna picked up her sister’s train of thought seamlessly. “The husband is on a business trip in Baltimare. The Royal Guard has not been mobilized so you have a good thirty minutes before they arrive. We can’t hold them too long before the public thinks we are getting slow. Go now, and please don’t forget we are counting on you Façade.”
“Of course Princess…So, I can keep Spike?” A small smile returned as he waved his hoof in front of Spike, jerking him awake.
“Where am I…Celestia? Luna!? What-”
“Relax Spike. We’ve just been assigned a job! Isn’t that great?” Façade elbowed his new partner as he stared dumbstruck at the two sheepish princesses.
“Façade is a good pony. And you two are going to help Equestria. I wish you two the best of luck,” Celestia said quickly before pushing them out of the throne room with magic. Spike’s eyes twitched as Façade chuckled.
“Well, partner, shall we get to the crime site?” Façade walked down towards the entrance with Spike following after him.
“Why in Celestia’s name am I following you?”
“That my friend, I can’t answer for you. Perhaps we will figure that out later. But for now we need to get to the crime scene quickly. You can fly right?” he asked turning around as they exited the Palace.
“Sure. Learned a few months ago,” Spike answered, unfolding his wings. They were tinted a shade of purple, and unfolded into a nice length. Façade nodded and unfolded his own wings. The two took off together and flew off. After a few moments Spike turned to Façade. “Where are we going?”
“Excellent question. I have no idea,” He chuckled and scanned the region. “If I were to guess it would be where a good amount of ponies are gathered…Ah! That gigantic mansion!”
“Which one?”
“The horribly ugly pink one.”
“…Ew.”
“Indeed. Now let’s go through the back. Don’t want everypony thinking the mansion is open,” Façade explained as he leaned forward, landing neatly in the backyard of the mansion. Spike landed next to him and together they walked up to the door. It hung slightly open. Façade and Spike looked at each other before the dragon pushed it open.
“Odd…You’d think somepony would lock their back doors,” Spike mentioned as he walked in. Façade followed, looking at the doorway for a moment before nodding. He and Spike wandered around the large mansion, taking note of anything that looked odd or out of place. However it all looked pristine and perfectly in order without evidence of a struggle or conflict, as if the mare had simply walked out with the kidnapper. “Are all the crime scenes like this? It looked like she never existed…”
“Yes…But perhaps we will find more upstairs.” He walked up stairs and scouted around until he found the missing mare’s room. He found that it was also unlocked, and opened the door, entering the room. It looked quite normal, for an enormous mono-pink mansion. Everything was in order as it should be, ugly pink walls and slightly messy pink sheets, yet something was off.
A blue vase with a single rose sat on a nearby counter. He raised his eyebrow before Spike followed him inside. Spike caught on the moment he saw the room.
“That vase doesn’t fit the color scheme of the room.”
“Right Spike, this mare seemed obsessed with pink yet a blue vase sits before us. A gift then,” he deduced. “From somepony who has never seen the room...She is married and young…Clever, little twit she was. She has a suitor.”
“How can you tell from just a single vase?”
“It’s not just the vase. The door in the back. She may have opened it when he came in the back and didn’t close it completely. And look around the house. It looks like it has never even been lived in. Like she cleaned up the house so much to look like nothing has gone wrong.”
“Could have been the butler,” Spike commented. “The butler lived here for three days before he reported anything.”
“Perfectly true Spike, but then why are the sheets here still messy? Unlikely the butler slept in here. Most likely the butler took three days off before getting worried.” Façade hoofed the ground in thought and continued on. “It makes sense. All the other victims were young and married and most likely the kidnapper tricked them into thinking he was their suitor. Easy way to get into a girl’s trust and the mare would make sure he would never be spotted. He probably took her out of the house on a date and that’s when he took her!”
“Wow…you’re like those ponies you read in the detective novels…” Spike whispered in a small amount of awe.
“Thank you Spike, I always enjoy compliments. However, this doesn’t offer too much. She would have made sure nopony spotted her with him and that neither of them would leave behind any evidence about where they were headed…” Façade frowned as he paced the carpet, before he spotted something odd. “Spike, is that a hoofprint?”
Spike looked over and nodded.
“A large one. He was probably waiting for her to freshen up and stood here for a while. Rarity makes me do that all the time.”
“But then…why is there a smaller hoofprint behind it? And a medium sized one next to it? And…a gryphon’s foot there…” Façade murmured as he looked down.
“I think you are looking at it wrong Façade. That isn’t possible; they would only be standing on one leg because those are the only set of prints around,” Spike said scratching his head in confusion.
“No…I’ve been looking at hoofprints for a long time Spike. I’m not mistaken.”
“But…that would mean…”
“Yes. This pony has different hooves…On each leg.” Spike grew a little green and shivered as Discord flashed into his mind. But he was in stone…
“What are we dealing with here?” Spike whispered.
“Something I’ve never seen before,” Façade replied quietly.