The first thing the Macho Man's eyes rested on were two ponies: a rainbow-hued pygmy and a crane-necked giantess. He wrenched his comically huge sunglasses from the bridge of his nose and studied the creatures from top to bottom; he did not approve of this act of deception. He was told that he would be greeted by the princess, not an entourage of admiring equine fans. If the princess would not make her self known...he would have to ask for help, a thought that brought a pang to his masculine heart. At length, he spoke:
"I am invariably in a situation I'd rather not be in, yeah, but could one of you ponies point me to the Princess Celestia?"
The crane-necked pony stepped forward, bowing her head to the Macho Man as a sign of respect.
"It is wonderful to finally meet you face to face, Tenacity. I'm the Princess Celestia and this land around you is Equestria."
The Macho Man wagged his finger at the princess. Randy Savage didn't have much in the way of education, you didn't need any with guns like his, but he knew the difference between a pony and a princess. This was most definitely a pony, though the tiara on her head did seem to indicate otherwise. He promoted the Macho Madness scale from .4 to DEFCON 2, standing by for an elbow slam.
"I can see that you're greatly confused Tenacity, but I can assure you that I am the ruler of this fair land."
She raised a hoof to point out a statue sculpted in her likeness that topped the fountain functioning as a centerpiece to the garden.
"Nothing means nothing means nothing, yeah..."
"Perhaps if one of my subjects were to attest to my stature you would believe me?"
The Macho Man put his glasses on only to immediately rip them back off for emphasis. He twiddled his fingers and pointed at Celestia, settling his mad gaze upon her. Rainbow Dash stood idly by, confused as to what exactly was going on.
"I don't need the words of one of your cronies to know that you're tall, yeah! You must take me for a fool. That makes me angry, OOH YEAH!!"
Celestia cocked her head to the side and contemplated how she might appeal to the Macho Man Randy Savage.
"...besides, who can I trust when I can't even trust the voices inside my own head, yep. The gears of Macho Madness are turning and they can't be stopped; it's all ready too late, mhmm. Unless somebody brings the princess here right now, I'm going to release 1,000,000,000 cubic tons of Slim-Jim scented madness on this land. I'm talking inevitable, and I'm talking-"
Rainbow Dash scrambled into the air and gave Randy a swift but precise kick in the temple, rendering him unconscious. She hadn't meant to hurt him, only to debilitate him; she'd been waiting for justification to ring that meathead's bell and when he started threatening the whole of Equestria, Dash felt she had it.
"Heh. He's not so tough. Where the hay does he come off questioning your rule anyhow?! He's the outsider here."
Celestia could scarcely believe her eyes. Never had she seen one of the Elements of Harmony act so brazenly, and in her company no less. She was on the verge of talking down the Macho Man when Dash had reversed all her work. She contemplated what to do for a brief moment, before she realized something important: Rainbow Dash had given her the perfect opportunity to pair them together. Celestia put on the fiercest facade she could manage.
"Loyalty!" She barked. "Perhaps I misjudged you. I believed that you would be the one to help Randy acclimatize to Equestria and realize his destiny, but now I've seen that you're no better than the Macho Man. You're a common thug, and like him you, you will subjected to the same punishment for your act of impudence."
Rainbow Dash's eyes shifted to the ground, her head hung, and her heart deflated. She had only tried to protect the princess and now she was being chewed out for it. Surely the princess would understand that she was brash and headstrong by nature, and wouldn't reprimand her for the same qualities which she had been praised for only moments earlier.
"I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to act out of line; I j-just couldn't help myself. He was threatening you and everypony in Equestria. I thought you had made a mistake, like when you released Disc-"
Rainbow Dash stopped herself before she made the matter any worse. It had seemed as if nothing was going right today. Before meeting with the princess, she'd resolved that she would be on her best behavior. What happened?
"Loyalty, it is not your place to evaluate whether I've made a mistake or not. Your brashness has shown me that you're unfit to undertake this task and perhaps even unfit to be one of the Elements of Harmony. Your actions here today may have very well doomed my rule. I'm sending you to the dungeon for the duration of the Macho Man's stay in Equestria; you're too much of a liability to be allowed to roam freely. Perhaps, after Randy's task is done, I will one day consider letting you appeal your case."
"Princess Celestia, p-please..."
Adhering to Celestia's orders, a posse of armed guardsmen assembled and escorted Rainbow Dash to the dungeon; she did not attempt to resist. Before today, Rainbow Dash did not even know the Canterlot Castle had a dungeon, so seldom had it been used throughout the millennia. She'd gone from a valued asset to public enemy number one in ten seconds flat. The irony of being jailed by the princess known for being loving and lenient in the exercise of her power was almost too much to bear.
"I CAN BREAK THESE CUFFS!!"
The raucous shouting of an inmate being carried through the prison complex awoke Rainbow Dash from her sleep. She'd been left in the dungeon for several hours but, as someone who thrived on physical activity in wide-open spaces, it may have well as been several days. She couldn't see who was shouting from her cell but, if she had to put her bits on it, Dash reckoned that it was probably Equestria's newest whatever-the-hay he was.
"You can't break those cuffs." A guardsman stated matter-of-factly. "Even here Celestia's residual magical energy is holding those things on tight. You'd have to saw your hooves off to get out of those. Now, why don't you take a seat right here,cool down, and then call me back over when you've had an attitude adjustment."
Rainbow Dash could hear Randy's rustling about quite clearly in the cell next to her, though she could not see him. By her account, Celestia had seemed hay-bent on toting 'Tenacity', or whatever the buck she called him, as her new golden boy. She guessed that Celestia had come to realize that trying to convince that foal of anything was a lost cause.
"I like sugar and I like tea, but I don't like PONIES, no sirree, YEAH!"
Dash prayed the princess would have mercy on her and remove her idiot neighbor from the premises as soon as possible; she could see herself getting annoyed way too fast with this guy. She nestled her head in her wings and tried to drown out Macho Man's lunacy but it seemed a hopeless endeavor. With her luck, Randy would be making a racket the whole time he was down here. She would've kicked him upside the head again if she could've reached him but the towering brick enclosure around her made that line of action impossible. Rather than sit up all night tormented by his savage yells, Dash decided she would attempt to reason with the beast; it probably wouldn't help but it couldn't hurt.
"Hey, Randy? Your name is Randy right?"
The Macho Man stopped his inane rambling and listened. He could have sworn that someone had called his name, but he couldn't be too sure because of the throbbing in his head from where that rainbow colored menace had assaulted him.
"Hey, did someone say something?"
"Yeah, the name is Rainbow Dash. Can you try to keep it down?"
"Rainbow Dash, yeah? Are you the midget who laid me out in the courtyard?! If I could reach you right now I'd crumple you up like yesterday's newspaper, yeah...And then I'd-"
Great. Instead of shutting the buck up he started talking more. It would be a long night, no way about it. She'd either be talked to death by the ape-next-door or die of boredom, whichever came first. It still didn't make sense to her that Celestia would jail her when she was oh so integral in helping Randy to realize his destiny. And why had she locked him up for that matter? It was all a bunch of Macho Madness.
"Randy? Are you really a strong as you claim you are?"
"Stronger, ooh yeah! I've been tried by fire and chilled by ice, yeah...I've soared with the eagles, slithered with the snakes, and now I'm trotting with the ponies. There aren't sufficient words to describe Macho Madness and how stroooong it is, YEAH! I'm talking ineffable, and I'm talking..."
"But that's my point, Macho Man." Rainbow Dash said derisively. "All I've seen from you is a bunch of talking about how great you are. Talk is cheap, you know? Celestia seems to think you're wonderful but I'm not seeing it. What's so macho about you, huh?!"
Her words came out more agitated than they were intended to be. She was genuinely curious whether the Macho Man possessed any sort of superhuman strength because, frankly, that might prove useful in her bind.
"You mean besides being the greatest Intercontinental Heavyweight Wrestling champion that ever lived?"
"Yeah. I can break the sound barrier so why can't you break down one of these walls? Why don't you punch down this wall between us and come get me?"
She heard a great deal of ruckus, as if he had actually smashed his balled fists into the concrete wall. What a foal. Rainbow Dash listened intently for his rebuttal but heard nothing from him. Dash hadn't intended to put the big guy at a loss for words, but as long as he was quiet she was fine with it.
She reclined and looked out the little rectangular, barred window. She could see the front lawn of the castle but scarcely anything else; it was nearly pitch black outside. However, two bobbing lantern lights could be seen in the distance, carried by two male ponies. It was probably a guard patrol but she didn't know of a branch of the service that wore boater hats and bow ties; that would make them intruders. Wait, what?
"We'll, that was a dud..."
Flam fanned hisself with his hat. He and his dear brother Flim had just been chased through the winding streets of the western quarter by some particularly perturbed townsfolk. They had been simply trying to liquidate the last of their premier and, might I add, delectable apple cider. Ok, the supply was a little old, about three months out of date, but for the low,low price of a bit a tankard was there really any reason for the pony folk to be angered? I mean, what did they expect, non-expired apple cider?
"Agreed brother. I believe we ought to just abandon the rest of this cider in the next town over."
"Pish-posh! What a waste of cider. You'll never make any money with a mindset like that, Flam."
Flam tweaked his mustache absent-mindedly, trying to take in the situation. They'd developed quite a reputation as of late as two-bit snake oil salesmen, a foolish deduction they might add; any snake oil salesmen worth his salt would never sell a bottle for under three bits. Flim and Flam had tried to sell their cider to every backwoods sucker from Ponyville to Appaloosa but it seemed wherever they went they were always seen off by a torchlight procession, not the good and festive kind either.
"Well, I suppose we could always drink it?"
Flim recoiled at his brothers words, his eyes taking on the shape of saucers.
"Do you have a death wish brother?!"
"Nonsense. It can't be as bad as everyone says it is. We made it after all."
Flam pulled a little silver flask from his vest pocket and held it under the spout of one of the cider kegs. He gingerly turned the valve and filled his cup with its amber bounty until it was filled to the brim. Inspecting the cider closely as it poured forth, he smelled of it and deduced that it was not spoiled.
"Liquid gold, my boy." Flam winked and held the neck of the flask back as he let the cider roll down his throat.
He immediately regretted his decision to partake.
Flam fell backwards on to the dirt and convulsed violently, the very same liquid he'd just swallowed bubbling forth from his gaping mouth as a wretched froth.
"Brother!"
Flim threw hisself to his brother's feet and began compressing his chest. After what seemed like minutes of pumping, Flam sputtered forth the vile concoction which ran down his cheek and into the crevices between the cobblestone that lined Canterlot's streets.
"Flim," Flam said meekly, brushing his hoof against his brother's tear dampened cheek. "Did we wittingly sell that to our customers? I saw the fires of Tartarus; they will not be sated until...you..."
He pointed at Flim ominously, but he only dismissed his brother's deranged, cider induced ramblings.
"Shh, hush now, Flam." Flim said as he burped his baby brother. "Everything is going to be ok. Rest no--Hello!"
"Hello yourself." Flam said, pushing his brother off the top of him. "What do you mean hello?"
Flim pointed at a group of guardsmen escorting an absolutely hulking individual through the streets. He was unlike anything the Flim-Flam brothers had seen before. He looked as if he could snap the guards in two if he hadn't been subdued by magical restraints. Flim's eyes lit up as he hatched a plan.
"Do you smell it dear brother?"
"I smell that foul creatures musk, if that is what you mean?"
"No!" Flim said, berating his brother. "What I smell is a lucrative opportunity."
"Oh really? Like being cider salesmen? Give me the reigns brother because you have no idea how to follow the money..."
"No! Trust me this time. We're going to strike it rich and that thing, whatever in Celestia's name it may be, will be the way we do it. I propose that we follow those guards and bust him from his entrapments; he'll be indebted to us. That's when we will bring him under our service as his new managers..."
Flam crinkled his nose. Flim came up with a lot of 'wacky' ideas but this one just seemed lazily hatched.
"Why the hay would that thing need a manager? What does it have to manage?! As far as we know it is a mindless thing from some foreign land. It may even be dangerous!"
"That's precisely what I'm counting on brother. Tell me, are you familiar with the sport of wrestling? It's big money generator in the underground scene of the Gryphon Kingdom. I propose that we manage that thing, if it be of standard intelligence, and use it as the basis for a similar sport in Equestria. The Equestrian Wrestling Federation, or the EWF."
Flam shook his head. It was probably the dumbest thing he'd ever heard.
"That's dumb."
"Is that all you have to say about it brother?! I just poured my heart out here and you say 'That's dumb.' You can stay here and peddle cider if you want; as for me, I'm wrangling a wrestler."
With that, Flim bounded off after the guard procession, keeping to the shadows like some sort of ninja. As dumb as Flim's plan sounded, Flam couldn't let his brother go alone; he might be mauled by that creature, or worse, get arrested with the keys to the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000. Flam scrambled to his feet and joined his brother for an eve of equine entrepreneurship.