As Firefly was 'escorted' down the street by Dandy and her cadre of candy-colored killers, Firefly noticed another group of ponies trotting the streets of Laughterra. These ponies wore black cloaks, and were silent. However, they moved with purpose, as though they were following the somber, steady beat of a drum.
"What's with those guys?" Firefly asked.
Dandy Candy scoffed at their prescence. "Nothing but a bunch of silly-billies. They actually think that some marching in the streets will get anything done."
"Protestors? Nice!" Firefly commented.
"I'm happy that you're happy, but you should know that they won't last much longer!" Dandy sang.
"So public protests are against Surprise's laws?" Firefly asked.
"Why do you care so much about them? They're nothing but factory drones."
"Power to the ponies, Dandy," Firefly replied. "Viva la killjoy!"
Little did any of them realize that, below the surface, someone or something was watching them.
Meanwhile in the Kandy Kitchen...
The Kandykolt had Maestro strap The Doctor and Reed Plate into barber's chairs. The sugar-coated menace chuckled maniacally at the thought of the various experiments he could perform on these two. He cared not that they were more or less innocent, this was in the name of science!
"This is the best part by far, gentlecolts. This is the tasting session," he cackled.
"Might I ask what that entails?" The Doctor requested.
"It is my labor of love, Doctor. Though Surprise may prefer my sour side, I consider myself an artist of delight," the candy creature replied.
"It's true. He does." Maestro Patissier really didn't care at this point. He smiled, of course, that was the law. But he wasn't happy.
He was rarely happy.
The Kandykolt took control of the situation again. "Tonight, my friends, you shall see my creative side. You see, I make sweets. The most delicious sweets you have ever tasted. So delicious, that there times where, if I'm at the top of my game, the average physiology cannot handle it. What I'm trying to say is-"
"He makes candy that kills you," Patissier finished.
Reed Plate gulped. "I never thought I'd be executed via diabetic shock."
"Nopony ever does," The Doctor said. Reed wasn't sure how serious he was.
Meanwhile in the Waiting Area...
Firefly was brought back to the room with a red square on the floor. She sighed, and saw that Praline Pie was still the one in charge of the area.
"Love what you've done with the place. Very prison chic."
"This isn't a prison. Prisons are-"
"Sadsy-wadsy," Firefly interrupted, clearly annoyed. "I know. But why call it a Waiting Area instead?"
"Because some have to wait a long time," Praline explained, "others barely wait at all."
Meanwhile in the Kandy Kitchen...
As the Kandykolt continued to mix his candy concoctions, The Doctor continued to take in his surroundings. "Before you kill us, I would like to ask you about the executions."
"What about them?" the sugarpuff monster asked.
"Well, the ponies outside don't know how you do it," The Doctor said, citing what Honey Mixer told him. "I can't help but be curious.
"I didn't realize that you were a connoisseur, Doctor. You're a stallion after my own soft center." The Kandykolt gestured to a device hooked up to a large series of tubes. "The secret's in the pipes. A vanilla-flavored secret tomorrow. The victim stands under a pipe, only to have it pumped through the tubes, piping-hot, and smother them in a sweet, sugary death. I call it a Fondant Surprise."
"I call it deprrrravity," The Doctor replied. "Is there any way to stop it after the fondant starts to flow?"
"Yes," the Kandykolt answered. "One could divert it into another pipe, but I'm not going to tell you how to do that."
As The Doctor spied around the room, he noticed a beaker of lemonade next to the Kandykolt. "Forgive me, but you said 'soft center' earlier?"
"Yes."
"What exactly did you mean? You have a 'soft center' instead of a heart?"
"Yes, caramel, sherbet, toffee, marzipan; gelling agents, Doctor. They're all in there somewhere," it explained.
"So you're entirely made of candy, eh?" The Doctor surmised.
"Yes. But I am perfectly adapted. I have nothing to threaten me in this kitchen."
"I suppose not. Save that open oven behind you."
The Kandykolt quickly turned around in surprise. In doing so, he knocked over the beaker of lemonade, and it shattered at its hooves.
"Or the citrrric acid and carbonated water of the lemonade sticking you to the floor." The Doctor smirked.
As Patissier ran to un-stick the candy creature, The Doctor and Reed Plate were able to free themselves. "Sweet dreams!" The Doctor shouted.
The two ran, and were able to escape down a sewage pipe.
Meanwhile in the Waiting Area...
Praline looked at the black sphere that Firefly had given her. "So what is this thing?"
"I call it a Thunderball. Build 'em myself," Firefly bragged. The Thunderball was essentially a much easier way to move a thunder cloud. The ball would crack open and release a decent-sized thunder cloud for Firefly to manipulate. Some admired them for the chemical brilliance, she admired the lightning's ability to break things.
"I used to use explosive devices back when I was a more active member of the patrol," Praline reminisced. "I loved working the night shift. That's when they come out."
"They?"
"The freaky killjoys. The manic-depressives, the schizos, they're so much fun to get rid of." Praline sighed nostalgically.
Firefly would've gagged if she could. "You make me sick."
"I do a good job, and they pull me off the streets," Praline carried on,"It's just not fair. I'm a fighter."
"You're not a fighter, I'm a fighter. You're a murderer," Firefly corrected.
Suddenly, Sugar Cane was shoved into the room. "Yes, she is."
The patrol had turned on her.
Meanwhile in the Pipes...
As The Doctor and Reed Plate continued their daring escape, they trekked through the pipes beneath the city. Much to their surprise, it wasn't a sewage system. Hanging from the top of these pipes were strange, icicle-like objects, but they were a brown tint.
The Doctor reached up to one of the odd icicles, and broke off a bit of it. He licked it, and smacked his lips. "It tastes sweet, but I assume from the color that it's some sort of syrup."
Reed Plate gestured The Doctor to give him a bit of the icicle, and then he gave it a taste test as well. "If it was syrup, it's old syrup."
"Yes. The Kandykolt must have pumped through these pipes before he switched it over to the one he's using now," The Doctor surmised.
Reed Plate reached for his harmonica, but The Doctor stopped him. "There's tons of crrrrystallized syrup above us."
Reed Plate nodded, realizing that they needed to be quiet, lest the syrup come crashing down on them.
Meanwhile in the Kandy Kitchen...
As Patissier piled up sacks of Sugar in the corner, the Kandykolt looked at him with condemnation, as it was still stuck to the floor.
"What's taking you so long?!" it asked. "I wish to make those fools suffer for this."
"Keep your cherry-flavored pants on," Patissier replied, "I'll be right there."
"You will pay for this."
"No I won't. After all, you need me and I need me," Patissier snarked.
"You need you?"
"Yes. But I don't need you," Patissier explained smugly. "If necessary, I'll build another one. But if something happens to me, no one else will be able fix you."
The Kandykolt conceded. "I need you and you need you."
Meanwhile in the Pipes...
The Doctor and Reed Plate moved carefully down the pipes, until they came across a strange slash mark across the 'floor'.
"What's that?" Reed asked.
"Some sort of footprint, I prrrresume."
"But what sort of creature could have made it?"
Both stallions felt a poke at the back of their necks. "I'm guessing that kind," The Doctor said.
Meanwhile in the Waiting Area...
As long as they were in the 'Waiting Area', there was little to do except talk or play the slots. And since the slots could either electrocute you, or worse, tell you a bad joke; talking was the only feasible option for Firefly and Sugar Cane.
"This is my fault," Firefly told her. "If I hadn't gotten you to say that stuff, you wouldn't be here right now."
Sugar shook her head. "I would've cracked sooner or later. The things that make Surprise happy don't make me happy."
Firefly frowned. Sugar did the same. "This is nice," Sugar said. "I haven't been allowed to do things like this, ever. Nopony ever has."
"Now that's something to frown about," Firefly joked.
Sugar laughed. And then she gasped.
"What?"
"I'm happy," Sugar said with disbelief. "I'm actually happy about something. For the first time in years!"
Firefly smiled back.
Meanwhile in the Pipes...
The Doctor and Reed got a good look at the creature behind them. They were shaggy-haired bipeds, wielding spears.
"Weapons," the leader grunted. "Down!"
"I make a point not to carry weapons," The Doctor replied.
Reed played a few notes on his harmonica to illustrate it couldn't cause the creatures harm.
"Nice," the leader commented.
"Nice?" The Doctor repeated. "You've met my friend, Firefly?"
"Firefly," the leader said back. "Brave?"
"Yes, very brave. Pink pegasus mare," The Doctor clarified.
"Pink pegasus. Brave." The leader nodded. "Captured."
"Captured?" If Firefly had been captured, there was only one way to react:
"This just got personal."
Meanwhile in the Oval Office...
Surprise was making yet another broadcast this evening, in response to the killjoy march.
"Don't nopony worry. The Happiness Patrol will be sure to get rid of those nasty-wasty killjoys! Enjoy yourselves, and remember to smile!" Surprise said.
As the broadcasting device shut off, she turned to Dandy, who had been waiting patiently.
"You do your thing, Dandy."
Dandy saluted, and smiled.
But was she happy?
Meanwhile in the Waiting Area...
As Firefly and Sugar continued to share stories, Praline marched over to them. "Alright Sugar, your time's up."
"Why?" Firefly asked.
Praline blinked at this. "She's a killjoy. She frowns."
"But she laughs, too," Firefly argued. "Really laughs from actually being happy."
"It wouldn't matter anyway. She deserves to go anyway," Praline snarked.
"But, why?" Sugar asked, tears starting to form.
"You were never good Happiness Patrol material," Praline replied. "You were never any good at anything. You never fit in. You were worthless, and it's pretty clear now, that you're more than a killjoy. You're a crybaby."
"That's not true!" Sugar argued.
"You mean nothing to anypony. Nopony will miss you. Nopony would ever miss a killjoy," Praline continued.
Firefly got right in Praline's face. "I would."
"Really?" Sugar asked.
"Yeah, you're my friend," Firefly replied.
Sugar smiled again.
"Too bad. Time to go," Praline demanded
"How can you live with yourself?" Firefly wondered.
Out of nowhere, a spear landed next to Praline Pie. One of the shaggy creatures must have come to their rescue.
Firefly ran off, but Sugar remained. She knew if she stayed here, it would give Firefly a better chance of survival.
That was what mattered.
Meanwhile in the Pipes...
One of the shaggy creatures lifted a manhole on the street, so as to let The Doctor and Reed Plate return to the surface. As it climbed back down the ladder, Reed noticed that it was breathing heavily.
"What's wrong with these guys?" he wondered.
"They're starving," The Doctor explained. "Nothing but stale syrup down here."
"Why can't they just live on the surface?" Reed asked.
The Doctor simply looked at Reed, seeing if he could figure it out for himself.
"Wait. Did we-?" Reed suddenly realized the horrible truth. The settlers had driven these creatures from their homes.
The Doctor nodded and climbed up to the surface. "Don't worry my hairy friends, we shall return!"
As the two stallions returned to the streets of Laughterra, The Doctor noticed a familiar unicorn with a clipboard. He walked over to the stallion.
"Name?" Chocolate Torte asked.
"I'm The Doctor. Have we met?"
"That's classified."
"Aren't you Chocolate Torte?"
"I ask the questions," Torte replied.
"You ask the questions?"
"That's classified," Torte droned. "Address?"
"Which one?" The Doctor tried to clarify.
"If you're from here I need a town and street," Torte explained. "If you're an alien I need a home planet, unless you spend more than half the year working away, in which case, planet of origin."
"That's classified," The Doctor replied. He had him now. "Name?"
"What?"
"I ask the questions. Name?"
"Chocolate Torte."
"Address?"
"Cheer Center," Torte answered.
Reed walked over to them. "Doctor, what are you doing?"
"Just a minor questionnaire. Occupation?"
"Census taker. I interview everypony on Laughterra."
"Take me to your leader," The Doctor said.
"Certainly." Torte nodded.
Reed stopped The Doctor before he left. "What if I need your help? How will you find me?"
The Doctor pointed to Reed's harmonica. "The old folk blues."
Reed nodded and began to play an old tune.
Torte began to bob his head with the sound of the brandy of the damned. "I like it. I've never heard anything like it. I feel..."
"Melancholy?" The Doctor finished.
"Yeah. A pleasant sense of melancholy."
Meanwhile in the Oval Office...
Dandy had finished reporting on the events that transpired in the waiting area. She was smiling, but it hid a sense of fear, as Surprise had let Gumball out of his cage. As to be expected, there is a sense of intimidation when you've screwed up, and your boss is petting a full-grown alligator.
"So Praline got overpowered by two mares, and one of those fuzzy-wuzzy sewer vermin. Are you trying to tell a joke, Dandy?" Surprise asked.
"No, Madame."
"Aww, fiddle-faddle. I wanted to hear a new joke." One of the most terrifying things about Surprise is that she never stopped smiling. Even when she was clearly upset with you, she would be grinning ear to ear. "Well, where'd they go?"
"Sugar stayed put, but the other ones went down the pipes."
"Oooh!" Surprise clapped. "Gumball! You get to exercise!"
Gumball grinned the insidious grin of a grown gator.
Meanwhile in the Streets...
As the public protest continued, the marchers held signs with such statements as 'Factory conditions are the real jokes', two stallions observed from the balcony of one of the buildings.
"Do we seriously have to do this again?" one of them asked.
The other shrugged. "I just wish we could get new equipment."
The other stallion was referring to a telescope-like object that was pointed at those demonstrating.
They were snipers.
Meanwhile in the Pipes...
As Firefly joined with the subterranean creatures, she observed their less-than-stellar domicile. In spite of this, she tried to be polite. "I like the pipes. They're nice."
"Nice," the leader repeated. "Bed."
Firefly's eyes widened. "What?"
"We all sleep here. Not as nice."
"Oh..." Firefly's eyes darted back and forth.
A low growling sound rumbled through the pipes.
"Careful with the growling. The syrup could collapse," Firefly reminded them.
"Not us."
Meanwhile at Surprise's House...
As Surprise flipped through a photo album in the living room, Jelly Doughnut walked into the room.
"Sweetie, Chocolate Torte and some other guy are here to see you," he said.
"Oh, send them in!" She put away the album as Torte and The Doctor came in. "Great to see you again Tortelly-Wortelly! And, uh... I don't think I've had the pleasure..."
"Not that much of a pleasure, I assure you," The Doctor replied.
Surprise blinked, but didn't stop smiling. "Well that's not nice."
"Are you with the bureau, too?" Jelly asked, hoping to change the subject.
"That's classified," The Doctor snarked. "I understand you're responsible for this planet, Madame?"
"I do my besty-best!"
"Well, it is a very happy place," The Doctor conceded.
"You'll find that everypony on Laughterra is superliciously happy."
"Some of the ponies on Laughterra aren't that easy to find," he countered.
"Well, I leave that stuff to Torte. Isn't that right, Tortelly?"
"Don't answer that," The Doctor said, blocking Torte with his hoof.
"Well, I have taken Torte's ideas of population control very seriously," Surprise explained.
"Population control?"
"Yepsy-doodles! We've controlled it down by seventeen percent!" Surprise's grin further unnerved the other ponies in the room as she revealed this startling fact. "No more overcrowding!"
"No lines at the Post Office," Jelly added.
"And you used the Census' plans to do this?" The Doctor asked.
"Nah! Mine works better. Now, I'm busy, busy, busy!" She turned to her husband. "Jelly-Belly, can you take care of them?" She walked out of the room.
"Torte, do we really have to do this? I feel like we just had a census," Jelly remarked.
"Every six cycles. You know that," Torte explained.
As the two spoke, The Doctor looked through Surprise's album. To his surprise, all the pictures were of her and Gumball, rather than her husband.
"Well, can I get you two some lemonade?" Jelly asked.
"None for me," The Doctor answered. "I have a prrrrior engagement."
"Where?" Torte asked.
"I ask the questions around here," The Doctor reminded him. The Doctor walked out of the room with the intent of following Surprise. Once he had found her personal office, he began eavesdropping.
"Routine disappearance 500,005 is going perfectly. Good work. Now, escort them to the Execution Yard. Enjoy yourselves, and remember to smile!" she said to a patrolmare on the telescreen.
"Population control's going well, I see," The Doctor commented, walking into her office.
"Who are you anyway?" Surprise asked.
"Counter-query, which member of the population are you controlling?" he shot back.
"A killjoy. That's all that matters."
"And what exactly makes them a killjoy? Do they enjoy the chance to feel the rrrrain on her face? Do they prefer autumn to sprrrring and summer?"
"You talk a lot, don't you mister?" Surprise giggled.
"I'm The Doctor. I'm plenty of talk, and enough action to back it up," he boasted. "And I prrrrromise you now that your dark actions before sunrise."
The Doctor looked around Surprise's office and found a fire extinguisher. He took it off the wall, slipped it into his dimensionally transcendental pockets, and walked out of Surprise's office.
Back in the living room, Jelly offered Torte a glass of lemonade.
"Here you go," Jelly said.
The Doctor, without missing a beat, snatched up the glass and slipped it into his pocket as well. He promptly exited without saying a word.
"He's an odd one, isn't he?" Torte observed.
Jelly could only nod.
Meanwhile in the Pipes...
As the looming growl of Gumball echoed through the pipes, Firefly and the natives tried to find a way to escape. Unfortunately, that hadn't worked.
" A dead end!" Firefly said.
"Dead." The leader nodded.
Firefly refused to give up, but as Gumball turned a corner and finally appeared before her, she was low on ideas about what to do about the gator.
Suddenly, it hit her. She took out one of her signature Thunderballs, and cracked it against the bottom of the pipe. The thundercloud appeared before her, and she slammed her hooves into it. A bolt shot out from the cloud, and zapped Gumball. Gumball was alive, but unconscious.
"Nice," the leader commented.
"Very nice," Firefly replied. The group went the other way, stepping over the unconscious reptile.
Meanwhile in the Kandy Kitchen...
The Kandykolt, much to its frustration, remained stuck to the floor.
"What's wrong with me? Why can't I move?" it asked.
"You're mostly made of glucose," Patissier explained. "Your joints need constant movement to avoid coagulation."
"Well, how do we fix this?!"
"I forget," Patissier muttered. He really couldn't care less what happened to this thing.
Meanwhile in the Streets...
Amidst the pointless muzak, the sounds of music with soul echoed through the night air. Reed Plate's blues playing was not his profession, but he'd never let anypony tell him he wasn't any good at it.
The Doctor walked over to his compatriot. "What's the news?"
"Riot in the streets, but odds are they'll get picked off by those snipers." Reed Plate pointed to the balcony where the two stallions prepped the MagiCannon.
"Leave them to me," The Doctor replied.
The Doctor quickly set about to entering the nearby building, and was able to get to the balcony in time.
"Hello."
"Get back!" one of the stallions said. He turned the MagiCannon around, and pointed in at The Doctor. "I will use this if I have to."
"Of course you will," The Doctor replied calmly. "You like guns, don't you?"
"I do my job."
"And your job is to make sure ponies are happy," The Doctor reminded him.
"Yes."
"Which means you're happy."
"Of course," the stallion replied.
"Who are you?" the other one interrupted.
"Shush," The Doctor returned. He kept his focus on the first stallion. "That's a sniper weapon, yes?"
"Yes," the sniper replied.
"You've never fired at somepony point-blank have you?"
"No."
"But you like guns."
"Yeah," he admitted.
"And you like firing those guns?"
"I guess."
"So you enjoy killing?"
The sniper couldn't bring himself to answer that one.
"Get rid of the gun," The Doctor commanded.
The sniper pushed the MagiCannon off the balcony, and it shattered on the ground.
Meanwhile in the Execution Yard...
Sugar stood at attention. This was the fate she had accepted in exchange for saving Firefly, and she was more than okay with it.
Dandy looked over the scroll. "You have been given the most severe penalty."
"I'm glad," she replied.
"I'm happy you're happy."
Meanwhile in the Kandy Kitchen...
A light began to flash nearby the Kandykolt. That was the signal to get the fondant flowing. Execution time had come, but it was still stuck!
Patissier took notice of this. "Want I should get that?"
"Yes. And then get me unstuck!"
Patissier flipped a switch.
Meanwhile in the Pipes...
A rumbling noise began to fill the pipes again.
"Oh, what now?!" Firefly asked.
"Fondant," the leader said. "Flood pipes."
"Flood pipes?" Firefly repeated. "Well, where do we hide?!"
The leader gestured Firefly and a few other creatured down the way.
Meanwhile in the Kandy Kitchen...
The Doctor casually strolled in, only to find that, amazingly, the Kandykolt was still stuck to the floor.
"What's up, stiff?" he joked.
"Unstick me. Now!"
"Oh, come on." The Doctor smirked. "You know that you have to smile."
"I'll smile if you unstick me."
"And I'll unstick you if you divert the flow, and stave off the execution," The Doctor bargained.
The Kandykolt, frustrated and without any other options, had no choice but to concede. "Fine. Now let me go!"
The Doctor pulled the fire extinguisher from his pockets, and sprayed around the Kandykolt's hooves. The base chemicals in the flame retardant were able to remove the effects of the citric acid, and free the sugar-flavored creature.
The Kandykolt walked over to the fondant control.
Meanwhile in the Oval Office...
Surprise watched her telescreen with bated breath. She loved watching killjoys get, for lack of a better term, their 'just desserts'.
Jelly walked into the room. "Sweetie, Torte has a few questions for you.
"Just a minute or two, Jelly-Belly." She waved to him dismissively.
As they watched the screen, something unbelieveable happened. Out of the fondant pipe, Firefly burst out, knocking Sugar out of the way! Only a small amount of fondant followed. Even if Firefly hadn't come to the rescue, thanks to the Kandykolt diverting the flow, Sugar Cane would have been fine.
Surprise's eye twitched furiously, but she did not stop smiling. She never, ever, ever stopped smiling.
"Okie-Dokie," she muttered. "We'll just try that again."
Torte walked in. "Actually, you can't."
"What? Why?" Surprise asked, curiously.
"The constitution says that if the mechanics of an execution malfunction, you cannot repeat the execution," Torte explained.
"So no fondant?" Jelly clarified.
"No, but you can substitute a different method," Torte offered.
Surprise's smile turned from a cheerful one to a wicked one. "I know just what to do."
Meanwhile in the Kandy Kitchen...
As The Doctor looked at the telescreen, he saw that not only was Firefly safe, well, relatively safe, but that the execution had not worked. The Kandykolt had done its job properly.
"So you trusted me, Doctor," the creature replied.
"Of course I did." He nodded.
"Wise of you, I am a Kandykolt of my word," it said, "but now the bargain is over. Now, it's time for you to die!"
The Doctor casually pulled the glass of lemonade he took from Jelly out of his pocket, through it at the creature's hooves, and left it stuck again.
"Oh, come on!"
Meanwhile in the Oval Office...
As Surprise waited, Dandy marched Firefly and Sugar into the office, having taken them as prisoners again.
"I don't think you two realize just how super-dee lucky you are," Surprise said.
Firefly scoffed. "Spare me the runaround, I'm not afraid of you."
"Maybe not, but you do get an ultra-special treat! You two are going to be on the Late Show!"
Firefly looked to Sugar for an explanation. "Happiness Patrol auditions," she explained.
"But you're already in the Happiness Patrol," Firefly pointed out.
"Not anymore she's not," Surprise sang.
Jelly held up a camera. "Big smiles, please."
Meanwhile in Town Square...
The Doctor and Reed Plate wandered the streets, only to stumble across a rather startling poster near the now-pink TARDIS.
'Come one, come all, to the Grand Happiness Patrol Auditions! With Special Guest: Firefly Sigma!'
The Doctor noticed this, and looked at a pony with a roll of tickets as a cutie mark. Presuming him to work for the box office, he asked for a bit more information. "When exactly does that show they're talking about open?"
"In about five minutes. You'd better be quick if you want to catch it," he warned.
"Five minutes? Why wait until now to put up posters?" The Doctor asked.
"Well, they're kind of for show," the ticket-taker said, "Everypony shows up anyway. It's mandatory."
The Doctor turned to Reed Plate. "Go get those demonstrators, we don't have much time. I have an idea."
"But what if they don't want to come?" Reed Plate asked.
"Tell them it's part of my masterstroke to bring Surprise's regime tumbling down. All the pieces are in place," The Doctor replied.
Reed nodded, and went to go acquire the protestors.
The Doctor noticed a poster being taken down, similiar to Firefly's, with a mare named Almond Danish on it.
"I hope your friend does better than she did," the ticket-taker said.