Keep your graveyards, your forbidden temples, and all your ancient towers. There is very little that is quite as terrifying as a carnival or amusement park at night. To see the epitome of light and happiness inverted and abandoned never fails to send a shiver down the spine.
A solitary mare walked along the empty streets of the carnival. The pouring rain soaked her pink raincoat, and made it hang off her body loosely. She kept up her slow pace until she found a bench where she could rest. She smiled.
But she wasn't happy.
"Excuse me."
She turned her head and saw a stallion standing next to the house of mirrors. His coat was a bright blue, and he had a whistle cutie mark. He was wearing a trench coat and a fedora, both soaked by the rain. He walked over to her. "Do you want somepony to talk to?"
"You're not supposed to talk to strangers," she joked.
"I'm trying to help you, madame."
She looked away. "I don't want help."
"Maybe not," he said, "but if you just sit here like that, you know what will happen."
"Let them come. I don't care anymore."
He put his hoof on her shoulder. "You don't have to face this alone. There's a place where killjoys can go to indulge their depression."
"I'm not a killjoy!" she shouted, defending herself.
"I know, but that's what they'd call you," he replied.
She smiled for real this time. "Thank you. I'm Almond Danish."
He smiled back, and gave her a business card. "My card."
"Whistle Blower?" she said, wondering about the implications.
"Look at the other side."
She turned it over, and couldn't bring herself to say it out loud. 'Happiness Patrol Undercover'.
"Time to get really depressed." Whistle Blower lived up to his moniker, and blew the whistle around his neck.
A group of mares in bright colors arrived, and surrounded Almond Danish. They smiled.
And she didn't.
Sylvester McCoy
Sandy Duncan
DOCTOR WHOOVES
The Happiness Patrol
Based on a Story by Graeme Curry
Meanwhile in Town Square
Town Square, along with most of the city, had speakers on the rooftops. 24/7, rain or shine, the speakers would fill the air with a pleasant muzak. In this bizzare carnival-city fusion, on this rainy evening, the familiar sound of a trusty Type 40 rang out amongst the muzak as the TARDIS materialized.
Out stepped the Time Lord piloting it. His tan coat was covered by a vest littered with question marks. He wore a white jacket over the vest, and had an umbrella hanging off it, with a hook shaped like a question mark. His brown man was covered by a white hat with red trim, and his eyes were old. His cutie mark was an hourglass, the sand starting to collect more in the bottom half.
At his side was a pink pegasus mare. Her mane and tail were blue, as was her cutie mark, two lightning bolts chasing one another. She was excitedly drilling The Doctor for information about something he had mentioned earlier.
"So you guys fought off an entire bunch of dragons all on your own?" Firefly asked.
"Well, the dragons themselves weren't the actual problem. It was more a few fools who didn't quite understand how time travel works," The Doctor explained, "but I agree that the dragons are probably the more interesting part of the story."
Firefly paused and took in the sound of the muzak around her. "So, why are we on the planet of elevator music?"
"Laughterra!" The Doctor announced. "One of Equestria's earliest colonized planets. Well, I say early, but we are several centuries into your future. Some call it the happiest planet in seven systems."
Firefly absorbed her surroundings. The city was filled with some of the most bizzare design choices she had ever seen. Every building was a bright-neon color, some even with polka-dots or candy-stripes. The apartment complexes had openings in the shape of a clown's mouth. The roofs had rainbow-wheel designs. Ribbons and streamers littered the tallest of the buildings. Posters and billboards surrounded them, with the image of a white-pegasus mare with 'SMILE!' written beneath her in bright, appealing letters.
"Well, I don't like it."
The Doctor flipped his umbrella over, and an automated device kept it attached to the jacket as it opened. The rain didn't bother Firefly. The Doctor turned to his friend. "I guess I could see how you couldn't."
"The place feels a little too," Firefly paused to look for the right word, "overpowering. Like they're trying too hard."
"Well, I have heard some interesting rrrumors about the happiness around here," The Doctor explained, "I've come to investigate them a bit."
"Well, I vote we find a city planner first." Firefly joked.
"Agreed."
Meanwhile in the Oval Office...
Whistle Blower stood at attention, a nice, big smile plastered across his face. He was very proud of all the work he had done for Laughterra, and the rewards were more than worth the effort.
The pegasus mare from the posters stood in front of him. Her mane was blonde and poofy, and her cutie mark were three purple balloons. This was her office, and she was the leader of Laughterra. As to be expected from a pony with such a position, she smiled. She always smiled.
She stuck a badge to the inside of Whistle Blower's trench coat. "Badge number three!" she sang. "You're doing a great job, Whistly! That's your forty-fifth killjoy!" She clapped her front hooves together in celebration.
"Well, thank you, Madame Surprise," he responded, "but I've actually gotten forty-seven."
Surprise looked at him with disdain, but what made it all the more terrifying was that she was still smiling. "I think you should let me do the counting, Whistly," she said, lowering her voice a bit.
"I'm sorry, Madame," he apologized.
She popped right back to her ball-of-fun state. "Well, okay! The point is you're doing great. I like your initiative!"
"Aim for the top, right?" he replied.
"Not the tippity-tip-top, I hope?" she replied.
"Of course not," he answered. He then smiled.
But he wasn't happy.
Meanwhile on the Streets...
As The Doctor and Firefly walked down the streets, they came across a bespectacled unicorn stallion with a dark-brown coat and mane, and a cutie mark of a devil's food cake.
"Excuse me, sir, may we speak with you?" The Doctor asked.
He turned to them and lifted a clipboard up with magic. "Names, please."
"Firefly," the so-named pegasus said, confused.
"And I'm The Doctor," the Time Lord added.
"No nicknames," the unicorn replied. "Real name sir."
"The Prof doesn't tell anypony his real name." Firefly laughed. "Go on, tell him about it."
"Well, what's in a name?" The Doctor mused. "A rrrrose by any other name would have it's thorns."
"I could report you for this," the unicorn threatened.
"But how could you report somepony if you don't know their name?" The Doctor asked.
"Well, I'd..." the unicorn stopped. He wasn't sure how to respond to that.
"What's your name, sir?" The Doctor asked.
"Chocolate Torte."
"Can ask you something?" Firefly wondered. "How do you stand the muzak?"
"I like the muzak." Chocolate Torte replied. Firefly couldn't tell if he was lying or not.
"What are you doing out in the rain alone?" The Doctor asked.
"I work for the Cheer Center. I'm on official business," Torte defended.
"Could I see some ID?"
Torte then showed The Doctor his badge. The symbol consisted of the cupcake and the greek letter sigma
"Why the sigma on the logo?"
"All citizens have badges." Torte explained. "Off-worlders are designated as Sigmas. Your friend there would be Firefly Sigma."
Firefly pondered this. It wasn't the worst thing somepony had called her.
The Doctor chuckled at this. "You know, back in college I went by Theta Sigma."
"No nicknames!"
Meanwhile in Town Square...
The half-dozen bright-colored mares from earlier approached the TARDIS.
One of them was a light pink-coated mare with a green mane. Her cutie mark was a stick of cotton-candy. Another was a light orange unicorn with a collection of nuts as a cutie mark. The third one worthy of note was white with a green stalk for a cutie mark.
The cotton-candy pony took the lead. "Alright girls! The dreary old blue thing is going to make ponies unhappy. You know what we've got to do, right?"
"Right!" the others replied.
Meanwhile by the bench...
The Doctor and Firefly observed the bench by the hall of mirrors. The Doctor licked the back of the bench and smacked his lips.
"The taste is watered down, but I feel the lingering taste of a stun spell. Something happened here," The Doctor muttered.
"Kidnapping?" Firefly guessed.
"At the very least," The Doctor replied. "Somthing nasty is about, and we're putting a stop to it. Before the sun rises tomorrow morning."
"So we're going to stop some evil scheme going on over the course of one night?" Firefly clarified.
"Indeed."
Firefly punched the air. "Sweet! This trip just got a lot better, Prof!"
The Doctor tipped his hat. "I aim to please and thank you."
"So what's the plan?" Firefly asked.
"First, we get arrested."
A Bit Later in Town Square...
As The Doctor and Firefly returned to Town Square, they found the mares had completed their task.
Firefly could barely muster up a response. "Oh. My. Celestia."
The smiling mares had painted the TARDIS pink.
They had painted. The TARDIS. Pink!
"Great job girls!" the cotton candy mare said to the others.
"I agree," The Doctor lied, "it was a bit of a downer wasn't it?"
The mares giggled. The cotton candy mare stepped forward. "I'm happy that you're happy." She turned to Firefly. "Is your friend happy?"
"Somepony shoot me." Firefly muttered.
One of the other mares produced a large pink rifle, and fired an energy bolt from it, destroying a nearby trash can.
Firefly's eyes widened. "What was that thing, and how can I replace my face with it?"
"Well, I'm happy that you're happy now!" the cotton candy mare said. "I'm Dandy Candy, and this is my section of the Happiness Patrol." She gestured to the others. "You two aren't that familiar... Oh! Are you new ponies?!"
"As a matter of fact, we are," The Doctor explained.
"Okie-dokie! Just make sure that in the future, you stay in the tourist area, mmkay?" Dandy replied, smiling.
The Doctor and Firefly turned to one another.
"Do you think they can get us arrested?" Firefly whispered.
"I'm almost certain they'd be the ones to go to. I have an idea." The Doctor turned to Dandy. "We actually were never in the tourist area, you see. We also lack any visitor's badges."
Dandy kept her smile up and walked over to the other patrolmares. They had a small discussion, and Dandy turned back to The Doctor. "Well, we're going to have to take you in, but your friend can audition to be a member of the Happiness Patrol!"
"So we're arrested?" Firefly asked.
"Sorta, kinda," Dandy answered, bobbing her head from side to side.
"Finally," she muttered.
Meanwhile at Surprise's House...
A portly purple stallion lounged around on the couch. He watched the image of a mare screaming in terror on a telescreen. His expression was blank, as though he had been long desensitized to such horrors.
Surprise floated into the room. "Whatcha watching there, Jelly-Belly?"
Jelly Doughnut was Surprise's husband of a few years now. It was a functional relationship. She enjoying making sweets, and he enjoyed eating them.
"It's called Routine Disappearance 499,987. This one's a classic," he droned.
"Come on there, sweetie, my broadcast's about to be on."
She flicked a switch, and the telescreen crackled for a moment before switching to the image of Surprise in her office, talking.
"And Jelly-Belly and I just want you to know, we're super-dee-duper-dee proud of everypony who's helped to track down those killjoys! Enjoy yourselves, and remember to smile!
Meanwhile in the Waiting Area...
The Doctor and Firefly stood in strange room that had a red square painted on the ground. Happiness Patrol members would occassionally walk around the room talking about their work. The only real form of entertainment other than eavesdropping on their stories was a slot machine in the corner. A goldenrod stallion with a beehive cutie mark was playing.
The Doctor and Firefly walked over to him. "Weirdest prison ever or what? Am I right?" Firefly asked the stallion, hoping to start small talk.
"Maybe." The slot machine displayed two bannanas and a cherry.
"Can't win them all, I suppose," The Doctor said.
"I don't like winning anyway."
Firefly blinked. "You really are a killjoy aren't you?"
"And proud of it," the stallion replied. "The prize sucks anyway."
"What is the prize?" Firefly asked.
Three sevens appeared on the slots.
"We're about to find out," The Doctor muttered.
From behind the device, a small telescreen rose up. Surprise appeared on the screen.
"Wow, you won at the slots?!" she said. "Yay! Ooh, ooh, ooh, here's your prize: a joke!" She started to giggle to herself. "Did you hear the one about the Happiness Patrol and the killjoy? They tickled him to death!"
As Surprise continued to laugh to herself, the screen disappeared behind the slot machine. Firefly gave the machine a thousand-yard stare. "Dear Celestia."
"I know," The Doctor agreed, "who writes this stuff?"
"I used to," the gambler told him.
"You?" Firefly asked.
"My name's Honey Mixer. I was a joke writer. Then my brother disappeared. It wasn't until then that I started to look into the other disappearances. I tried to contact intergalactic authorities, but then the Happiness Patrol caught me and brought me here."
Honey Mixer went back to playing the slots. The prize was poor, but there was little else to do.
"Umm, there's no bars, no official security, why don't you just leave?" Firefly wondered.
The Doctor turned to one of the patrolmares walking about, the orange one from earlier with nuts for a cutie mark. "Excuse me, Miss..."
"Praline Pie," she finished for him.
"Miss Praline Pie, is this a prison?" he asked.
She shook her head. "No, silly, prisons are sadsy-wadsy! There aren't any prisons on Laughterra."
"So, if this isn't a prison, does that mean we can just leave?" The Doctor asked.
"I guess you can, but if you cross the line," she replied, pointing to the painted square on the ground, "we'll have to kill you."
Meanwhile in the Execution Yard...
A group of ponies with black bags over their heads stood waiting. Jelly Doughnut sat on the other side of the room, observing. The room itself was stark and empty, save for a large tube pointing down from the ceiling, and a series of black balloons for decoration.
One of the ponies stepped forward, and stood underneath the tube.
"Too bad for you, buddy," Jelly said.
Meanwhile in the Waiting Area...
"So this Madame Surprise has made it punishable by law to wear dark clothing?" The Doctor asked.
Honey Mixer nodded. "And listening to slow music, walking alone in the rain without an umbrella, reading poems that aren't limericks, she calls it 'public grief'."
"That's horrible," Firefly summarized, "why not fight back?"
"Ponies are scared, even if they are smiling," Honey explained.
"Furthermore, she has the Happiness Patrol," The Doctor added.
"They're nothing but a bunch of peppy nutbags." Firefly scoffed.
"Peppy nutbags with guns," The Doctor corrected.
"And they're the nice ones," Honey said. "Have you heard about the Kandykolt?"
"No, but he sounds sweet," The Doctor joked.
"He's dangerous. He does experiments, and prisoners like us are the guinea pigs."
"So I assume he doesn't mix it up with love and make the world taste good," The Doctor said.
"No. He just makes sweets."
Meanwhile in the Oval Office...
Surprise observed the Execution Yard on one of her personal telescreens. There was a knock at the door.
"Come in!"
In walked a donkey, smiling about as much as a donkey conceivably could. However, since he was a donkey, Surprise granted him a little leeway. "You wanted to see me, Madame?"
"Maestro Patissier, what's the Kandykolt cooked up for us tonight?" she asked.
"Fondant Surprise." He silently wondered about when the Execution Yard hadn't used Fondant Surprise, if they ever had.
"Oooh, what flavor?"
"Strawberry," he droned.
"Oh! That's my absolicious favorite!" she squealed.
Meanwhile in the Waiting Area...
"So this Kandykolt guy's the one making ponies disappear?" Firefly asked.
"That's one of the reasons," Honey replied. "You can disappear because of him, a late-night run-in with the patrol, or something else."
"What's the something else?"
"I don't know. But I'm betting firing squad."
Meanwhile in the Execution Yard...
Dandy walked over to present Jelly with a scroll. Jelly began to read it. "It says here you have been found guilty of great amounts of public grief. As such, you are sentenced to the highest possible penalty."
The tube above the guilty pony began to rumble, and suddenly a large amount of hot strawberry jam began to pour down out of it, covering the prisoner. The prisoner collapsed.
Jelly got up to sample some of the gunge. "Mmm. Fondant Surprise."
Meanwhile in the Waiting Area...
Having finished their information session, Firefly turned to The Doctor. "I think we'd better get going, Prof."
"Well, we do have a long night's work ahead of us."
"Nice! Prison break time."
The Doctor turned to Honey Mixer. "Care to come with us?"
"Why bother?" Honey asked, going back to the slots. "There's no escape."
Meanwhile in the Oval Office...
Surprise was laughing excitedly at the image of the drowned prisoner. Patissier remained somewhat indifferent. "So am I free to go now?"
"Not yet!" she sang. She flipped a switch, and the telescreen turned to Honey Mixer playing the slots.
"His brother?" Patissier asked.
"Family is very important to me." She pressed a button.
Meanwhile in the Waiting Area...
Electrical energy surged through the slot machine and into Honey's body. His smoking body fell over dead.
Firefly gasped.
"Bet he got a real charge out of that!" Praline Pie joked.
Firefly grit her teeth and attempted to charge her, but The Doctor grabbed her before she could take off.
"No, no, it was a shocking experience!" Praline laughed.
"Let me go, Prof! I need to shut this chick up!" Firefly demanded.
"Save your anger, you're no use to us if you're like this," The Doctor reminded her.
Firefly nodded and took a few deep, cleansing breaths. "Sorry Prof. I just really want to make these freaks unhappy."
"We will, trust me."
The Doctor's eyes darted around the room, and they fell upon a chariot waiting in the corner. As a few patrolmares dragged Honey's body away, The Doctor got Praline's attention. "Excuse me, I was wondering about that chariot."
"The Waiting Area chariot? What about it?"
"Well, if my friend and I were to get in and run away, what would you do?" The Doctor asked.
Praline pondered this for a moment. "Umm... nothing I guess."
The Doctor was somewhat dumbfounded. "Nothing? You wouldn't sound an alarm or shoot us?"
"Nope." She walked away.
"Booby-trapped?" Firefly guessed.
"Most likely."
Meanwhile at Surprise's House...
Surprise returned to her personal quarters, and hidden off to the side of the room was a large cage covered by lace. Within the cage was a full-grown, vicious alligator, snapping at the sides of the bars.
"Hi there, Gumball, did you miss your mommy? Yes, you did. Yes, you did!" Surprise sang.
Gumball smiled a wicked gator's smile. Surprise smiled back at gave him a few small pieces of chocolate.
Meanwhile in the Waiting Area...
The Doctor and Firefly were tinkering with the chariot as Praline walked over.
"You're not thinking of using that thing are you?"
"Not at all," The Doctor replied.
Firefly lifted a black box with a blinking red light on it. "On an unrelated note, would you mind holding this?"
Praline Pie took the box. "What is this thing?"
The Doctor jumped into the chariot as Firefly hooked herself up to it. "Oh, that's the bomb that was inside it. Have fun!" The Doctor replied.
Firefly took off like a rocket as the two beat a hasty retreat. Praline threw the bomb away and gathered her forces.
As the two continued along down the streets, Firefly had to stop and catch her breath. "Prof, you got to cut down on... you know, I've never seen you eat."
"I eat, just in prrrivate." The Doctor retorted. The two looked down the road, and it was clear that the patrolmares were on their tail.
"Prof, you get out of here, I'll distract them." Firefly said.
"But Firefly-!"
"No questions, just go!"
The Doctor nodded and ran off. As the patrolmares arrived, Firefly quickly adopted an innocent expression.
"So is it too late for that audition thing I heard about?"
A Bit Later at Patrol HQ...
It was not too late for the audtion, but the process was going over like a lead balloon. Firefly absent mindedly played the spoons for the interviewer, the white mare from earlier.
"I'm starting to see why Prof likes this," Firefly muttered.
"He may like it, but I don't," the interviewer said. "How about jokes, do you know jokes?"
"Nope."
"Songs?"
Firefly thought about this for a moment, and a song popped into her head. She began to sing very loudly and very off-key. "I walk a lonely road, the only road that I have ever known, don't know where it goes, but it's home to me and I walk alone..."
"No, no, no, no!" she interrupted. "A happy song. A song about sunshine, lollipops..."
"Rainbows and all those other happy things?" Firefly finished.
"Yes! Do you know that one?"
"No," she deadpanned.
The interviewer exhaled, and she stopped smiling.
"Look, I'm sorry that I'm not Happiness Patrol material-" Firefly began.
"That's okay. Sometimes I don't think I am either."
Firefly blinked twice. "Why not? You seem perfect, umm..."
"Sugar Cane."
"See, even your name is perfect for the job!" Firefly said.
"I know but..." Sugar gulped. "A few mornings I wake up, and I don't feel like smiling."
Firefly looked at her analytically. "Everypony has bad days sometimes."
"It's more than that," Sugar replied. "I can see all the killjoys I've caught. I think about how sad they are, and I think about how sad any of their friends and family must be. And it makes me remember..."
"Remember what?" Firefly asked with a comforting voice.
"That all my friends 'disappeared' a long time ago." Sugar desperately tried to hold back her tears. She smiled.
But she clearly wasn't happy.
"It's not wrong to frown when you're sad. It's perfectly natural," Firefly told her. "If you smile all the time, it won't mean anything."
Sugar pondered this. "I know one talent you might have."
"What do you mean?"
"Magic."
Firefly tilted her head at this. "Magic?" she repeated.
"Yes. I close my eyes, and when I open them, you aren't here anymore." She closed her eyes.
Firefly took the hint, and ran off.
Meanwhile on the Empty Streets
The Doctor continued his trek as the rain finally started to let up. The only light to be found were obnoxiously bright billboards with pictures of Surprise with the same 'SMILE!' propaganda as the posters.
Whistle Blower saw the lone Time Lord walking the streets, and realized he could now add yet another killjoy to his record. "Excuse me, sir!"
The Doctor walked over. "Ah, do you need any help? You scratch my back, I scratch the tickets, as it were?"
"I'm sorry?"
"Quid pro quo, sir," The Doctor replied. "I'm happy to help you if you help me."
"Well, thank you, I suppose." Whistle Blower was caught off-guard. This stallion didn't give off the aura of a killjoy, but he wasn't about to let that stop him. "What do you need?"
"I'm trying to get in contact with this 'Madame Surprise'," The Doctor said.
Whistle Blower smiled. This was almost too good to be true! "Well," he said, slipping into his silver-tongued voice, "if you do find her, you'd best be smiling."
"Yes, I have heard of her distaste for the miserable."
"Indeed," Whistle Blower replied, "I heard that she marches huge groups of Happiness Patrol members into the sadder districts and has what she calls 'a very special party'."
"Yes, but why?" The Doctor wondered.
"Oh, forgive me if I distressed you." This was going to be his best bust yet!
"Not distressed, mind you, closer to anger," The Doctor corrected. "Why doesn't anypony stand up to her?"
"Well, between the Happiness Patrol and the Kandykolt-"
"Yes, the Kandykolt," The Doctor interrupted. "He's next on my list of ponies to meet."
"I recommend crossing him off fast." Whistle thought about this, but figured that it didn't matter who got rid of this killjoy as long as he got the credit. "But there are small pockets of resistance brewing." And now for the final move. "My card, if you're interested."
The Doctor took it. "My card." The Doctor produced a card, seemingly from mid-air, and gave it to Whistle Blower.
Whistle Blower looked at it. "This just has a question mark on it."
"Whereas yours says Happiness Patrol Undercover," The Doctor replied. Whistle Blower's eyes opened wide. He had let this killjoy distract him! "Nice to see they're equal opportunity employers, would you mind taking a note for Madame Surprise?"
Whistle Blower collected himself and reached for his whistle, but another stallion knocked him out.
The Doctor looked to this new stallion. His coat was a navy blue, and his mane pitch-black. His cutie mark was a harmonica, and he had a brace around his neck that held one. He had a checker-pattered trillby atop his head. "You're welcome," he muttered.
"Thank you, sir. I've always had an appreciation for street musicians," The Doctor replied. He tipped his hat. "I'm The Doctor."
The navy stallion did the same. "Reed Plate."
"So what drives a blues musician to come to the planet where sorrow is forbidden?" The Doctor asked.
"I'm not a blues musician by trade. That's a hobby. I was a psychology student."
"I can see how a psychology student would want to come here," The Doctor observed.
"Yeah, but now I'm stuck here."
"Well, you and me both for the moment," The Doctor said. "Would you care to join me for a visit to this Kandykolt?"
Reed shook his head. "I've got nothing else to do."
The two ran off as a small amount of Happiness Patrol agents came up to the unconscious form of Whistle Blower.
"His cover's blown now," one of them said.
"Shame, I liked him," another added.
They dragged him off.
Further down the road, Firefly kept up her search for The Doctor, but her luck ran out.
Dandy Candy was waiting for her.
Meanwhile in the Kandy Kitchen...
Just as the cityscape was a bizzare fusion of a carnival and a traditional urban setting, the Kandy Kitchen was a fusion of a kitchen, and a mad scientist's dream come true. Beakers and test tubes filled with flavoring and food coloring were across the room. Hot plates that boiled syrup, and a series of notes that seemed to attempt to determine the precise molecular structure of buttercream frosting.
The Doctor and Reed looked around the place with a strange fascination.
"What is this place?" Reed asked.
"I believe this is where they make Everlasting Gobstoppers," The Doctor joked.
As someone entered the room, The Doctor and Reed hid underneath a table.
It was Maestro Patissier. "'Make a thousand pounds of cashew brittle' she says, she just doesn't get how tough this is. She refuses to believe me."
"Enough, where are my specimens?!" a voice called out.
In walked a pony whose body appeared to be made of jawbreakers and gumdrops. Its hooves were connected to the main body with red licorice, and it had a tail made of green apple sour string candies. Its eyes were made of large life saver mints, and as it opened its maw, one could see that it had teeth of candy corn. This was the Kandykolt.
"I'm just saying, sir, she should cut me a bit more slack," Patissier told the sugar creature. "Most ponies around here don't know popcorn from peppermint."
"I don't care! Where are the specimens? I'm itching for another experiment."
The Doctor and Reed tried to run off while the two were distracted, but iron bars slammed in front of the door.
"Will they do, sir?" Patissier asked.
"Indeed. This will be simply... delectable," the Kandykolt said, slurping on its taffy tongue. "Welcome to the Kandy Kitchen, gentlecolts."
"The pleasure is ours," The Doctor replied.
"I hope so," the Kandykolt shot back. "I like it when the volunteers die with smiles on their faces."
And it smiled.